THE  ROBERT  E,  COWAN  COLLECTION 

I'RKSKXTKD    TO    THK 

UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA 

I IV 

C._  P,  HUNTINGTON 

JUNE,   18^7. 


i 


NO  ytf  06~$t 


MADAME  JANE  JUNK 


AND 


JOE. 


OF   TTTE 

UNIVERSITY 


5=2£s£4i££^s 

SAN    FRANCISCO: 
A.    L.    BANCROFT   AND    COMPANY, 

1876. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1876, 

Br  MRS.  MARY  BORXEMAXX, 
In  the  Office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress,  at  Washington. 


THIS     VOLUME     IS     DEDICATED 


TO 


CALIFORNIA, 

THE 

POLDEN   J$TATE   OF   THE    FAF^  WEST, 


X 

UNIVERSITY 


PREFACE. 


A  TJTHORS  commonly  offer  more  or  less  apologies  in 
JL±-  a  preface;  and  it  often  happens  that  those  points 
which  the  writer  considers  weak,  are  thought  by  the  reader 
to  be  the  strongest  portions  of  the  work. 

If  I  offer  an  apology  for  this  book,  I  shall  be  but  follow 
ing  in  the  footsteps  of  authors  gone  before.  These  apolo 
getic  prefaces,  when  put  into  plain  English,  can  only  mean, 
"Please  excuse  a  book  so  full  of  shortcomings  that  it  should 
not  have  been  written,  or,  if  at  all,  at  some  other  time,  or 
in  some  other  place;"  and,  it  might  frequently  be  added  with 
truth,  by  some  other  person. 

Now,  I  have  no  wish  to  be  left  out  in  the  cold,  through 
failing  to  make  the  usual  number  of  apologies. 

To  begin  with,  if  I  have  painted  my  women  with  hair 
parted  too  far  on  one  side,  and  the  men  with  hair  parted  too 
much  in  the  middle,  my  excuse  for  so  doing  is,  that  it  is  the 
fashion  of  the  day. 

The  next  excuse  I  shall  offer  is  this:  had  Joe  been  a  man 
at  the  opening  of  our  story,  I  should  have  placed  him  at  the 
top  of  the  title-page,  instead  of  at  the  bottom,  in  recognition 
of  the  superiority  of  his  sex.  Inasmuch  as  he  was  but  a 
boy,  I  think  it  suitable  for  him  to  sit  at  the  feet  of  his 
mother. 

(5  ) 


PREFACE. 

I  regret  that  necessity  forced  me  to  make  a  hardware 
merchant  of  Mrs.  Glewer,  for  she  did  not  deserve  so  hard 
a  fate. 

If  some  of  the  characters  here  drawn  present  a  forbidding 
exterior,  let  us  be  comforted  by  the  thought  that  in  all  such 
there  is  some  slumbering  capability  of  reform;  and  let  us 
be  thankful  that  there  are  still  some  Madame  Junks  in  the 
world  to  arouse  them  to  a  better  life. 

ORAQUILL. 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I.  PAGE 

CHRISTIAN   PAPERS  AND  PRISONERS — PREPARATIONS  FOR  A 
CALL — IMAGINARY  ELOQUENCE 13 

CHAPTER  II. 

A  SELF-MADE  DANIEL  WEBSTER — A  DESCENDANT  OF  OLIVER 
CROMWELL 18 

CHAPTER  III. 

HARDWARE  STORE  AND  ORPHAN  ASYLUM— BOMBSHELLS  IN 
CHURCH — PROPAGATION,  ETC 23 

CHAPTER  IV. 

A  FOUR-BIT  PHILANTHROPIST— DOLLS  MAKE  TROUBLE— SHE, 
HE,  OR  IT 28 

CHAPTER  V. 

A  SIGNIFICANT  DREAM — LESSONS  TO  CITY  OFFICIALS 36 

CHAPTER  VI. 
A  GOOD  DINNER  WINS  THE  HEART — DOUBTFUL  PROGENITORS.    45 

CHAPTER  VII. 
A  HEAVY  WOMAN  IN  A  JUNKY  LINE 50 

CHAPTER  VIII. 
RAGS  AND  Rows — HOME,  SWEET  HOME 53 

CHAPTER  IX. 

JOEL  MEETS  THE  WILDCAT — THE  EFFECT  OF  DOCTOR  SMART'S 
RED  REMEDY 59 

CHAPTER  X. 

RELIGIOUS    QUESTIONS    ANSWERED  —  MEETING   WITH   HIGH- 
TONERS — GREAT  EXPECTATIONS , G6 

(7) 


8  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  XL  PAGE 

You  AND  I — FATHER  AND  SON 79 

CHAPTER  XII. 

ALBION'S  DAUGHTER — BUSY  WITH  YOUNG  IDEAS — THE  CHRIS 
TIAN  ADVOCATE 83 

CHAPTER  XIII. 

Too  MANY  GOOD  THINGS  WILL  GIVE  A  MAN  WINGS— AR 
RESTED  AND  IN  JAIL 88 

CHAPTER  XIV. 

A  NIGHTBIRD'S  NEST — AN  ENGLISH  LADY  MEETS  A  MEMBER 
OF  CONGRESS 92 

CHAPTER  XV. 
A  PEEP  BELOW— RELEASED — THE  COMING  CAMPAIGN 105 

CHAPTER  XVI. 

LAYING  THE  WIRES — WOMAN'S  FIDELITY — STUMP-SPEECHES — 
COMMENTS  OF  THE  PRESS 110 

CHAPTER  XVII. 

COMING  EVENTS — THE  UMBRELLA  A  POOR  PROTECTOR— ON  TPIE 
TRACK— CAGED — TRUE  UNTO  DEATH 122 

CHAPTER  XVIII. 
PINS  AND  BONES — THE  COMING  MASS  MEETING 135 

CHAPTER  XIX. 
THE  PEOPLE'S  MAN — COMPLIMENTS  AND  CAKES 142 

CHAPTER  XX. 

SHE  WAS  MY  WIFE— MADAME  JANE  JUNK  AND  THE  HON.  A. 
G.  SMITH 145 

CHAPTER  XXI. 

D.  D.  SPLUDGE  AND  FAMILY— THE  WILL  OF  GOD— DIFFERENCE 
IN  CHRISTIAN  VIEWS— CHRISTIANITY  IN  PRISON..  .  155 


CONTENTS.  9 

CHAPTER  XXII.  PAGE 
STUDYING  LAW— THE  ROBIN— CHRISTIAN  PRINCIPLES  AND  NA 
TURE'S  TRUTH 166 

CHAPTER  XXIII. 

SOCIAL  CASTE— THE  MYSTERIOUS  PACKAGE 177 

CHAPTER  XXIV. 
THE  YOUNG  PUGILIST 187 

CHAPTER  XXV.    , 
THE  INVITATION— THE  LOCKET 192 

CHAPTER  XXVI. 
THE  PARTY— A  DISCUSSION  OVER  ART 198 

CHAPTER  XXVII. 
THE  YOUNG  PROTEGEE 211 

CHAPTER  XXVIII. 
THE  COMING  THUNDERCLX\P..  ..  216 


CHAPTER  XXIX. 

GOOD-BY  ! — HAVERSACK  SCENE — SCUDDING  BEFORE  THE  STORM 
— DIFFERENCES 231 

CHAPTER  XXX. 

LETTERS — LIFTED  FROM  THE  DEPTHS 242 

CHAPTER  XXXI. 
PRAYERS  ANSWERED 251 

CHAPTER  XXXII. 

WHOLESOME  ADVICE — LETTERS  TO  AMERICA 254 

CHAPTER   XXXIII. 

A  WARNING  TO  MEN — A  STRANGE  MEETING — CONFLAGRA 
TION— JOEL  ABDUCTED  . .  263 


IO  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  XXXIV.  PAGE 
RESCUED  AND  RESTORED  TO  LIFE — THE  MOURNERS— A  FU 
NERAL  BY  MOONLIGHT 281 

CHAPTER  XXXV. 

A  SCENE  IN  PRISON — THE  POOR  EDITOR  THAT  WAS  NOT  BORN 
RIGHT 290 

CHAPTER  XXXVI. 
FOUND  IN  LIFE  AND  LOST  IN  DEATH 298 

CHAPTER  XXXVII. 
LIFTING  THE  VEIL 313 

CHAPTER  XXXVIII. 
THE  PET  PROJECT— THE  LAST  WILL 320 

CHAPTER  XXXIX. 

THE  CONTRITE  SINNER — TOM'S  DEATH — A  NEW  FATHER  AND 
MOTHER — THE  FIVE  ACRES — A  LECTURE  ON  INDUSTRY  . .  329 

CHAPTER  XL. 

ON  THE  WING — RETURN  HOME — A  VISIT  TO  THE  MOUNTAINS 
—WOMEN  ARE  DEVILS;  SNAKES  EVERY  ONE  OF  'EM,  SIR.  339 

CHAPTER  XLI. 
TALK  IN  WASHINGTON 346 

CHAPTER  XLII. 
THE  REFORMATORY  HOME 3o3 

CHAPTER  XLIII. 

FROM  WASHINGTON  TO  CALIFORNIA — PREPARATIONS  FOR  THE 
RECEPTION— THE  REFORMATORY  HOME— THE  ARRIVAL- 
JOEL  AND  CARRIE  MEET 3G6 

CHAPTER  XLIV. 

DEFENSE  OF  WOMEN— SENTIMENT — THE  FOURTH  OF  MARCH — 
LARRY  O'DOODLE  WILL  BE  BORN  AGAIN — MISTRESS  PUNKS 
—A  LIVELY  INTEREST  IN  THE  HOME  . .  .  373 


CONTENTS.  I  I 


CHAPTER  XLV.  PAGE 

Two  MORE  APPLICANTS— KNIFE  AND  FORK— SHOVEL  AND  HOE 
— THE  CULTIVATION  OF  BEANS..  .  386 


CHAPTER  XLVI. 

EDUCATED  IN  GENERALITIES — DISCUSSION  BETWEEN  FATHER 
AND  SON 394 

CHAPTER  XLVII. 

VIEWS  ON  MARRIAGE— Miss  JOSEPHINE  BLESSING  TEACHES 
MRS.  PICTPINK  TO  READ.'.  .  399 


CHAPTER  XLVIII. 

PRODUCE  FROM  FIVE  ACRES — Miss  BUSY'S  CHAGRIN — THE 
AMERICAN  GIRL— ABSURD  NOTIONS— WEAK  POINTS— A 
CURIOUS  PLACE— Two  BEANS— A  NEW  APPLICANT— A 
GARDEN  IN  HEAVEN 404 

CHAPTER  XLIX. 

A  FRESH  DEBUT — A  LETTER  TO  GENERAL  GRANT — A  NOVEL 
TURNOUT — MALICE  AFORETHOUGHT,  OR  MARRIAGE 425 

CHAPTER  L. 

STERNNA  IN  SCOTLAND — LARRY  O'DOODLE'S  RIDE  WITH  Mis- 
THRESS  STANLY — THE  FUNERAL 430 

CHAPTER  LI. 

THE  GOOD  AND  BAD  ANGELS — MADAME  JUNK'S  PRESENT — 
HALF-STARVED  CHURCH  MEMBERS 437 

CHAPTER  LII. 

MISCHIEF  ABROAD — TALK  OF  REVISING  THE  WORK  ON  THE 
PROPER  PROPAGATION  OF  THE  AMERICAN  RACE 448 

CHAPTER  LIII. 

A  GOOD  MAN  THAT  HONORED  GOOD  WOMEN — A  WHOLE  FLOCK 
OF  PIGEONS  IN  ONE  MAN'S  FACE..  .  457 


1 2  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER    LIV.  PAGE 

THIEVES  BREAK  IN  AND  STEAL— A  WINDFALL  FOR  THE  PRESS 
— PLOTTING — LARRY  O'DOODLE  COMES  TO  THE  RESCUE.  . .  459 

CHAPTER  LV. 

A  GOLD  MINE — THE  BOY  SPECK,  A  SCRUBBY  LAMB  FROM  HU 
MANITY'S  FLOCK— A  NEW  HOME— THE  HEAVENLY  FEELING 
OF  BENEVOLENCE— THE  RATS  IN  A  Box— SPECK,  THE  HERO 
OF  THE  DAY 480 

CHAPTER   LVI. 

A  THROUGH  TICKET,  ABOUT  WHICH  NO  QUESTIONS  WILL  BE 
ASKED— A  LITTLE  DAUGHTER — WOMEN  SHOULD  BE  HELP 
MEETS  500 

CHAPTER  LVII. 

THE  SAIL— SPECK,  THE  BRIGHT  PARTICULAR  STAR — THE  RATS 
IN  A  BOX:  THEY  ARE  CAUGHT — THE  INFANT  NAMED 
ROGER , 504 

CHAPTER  LVIII. 

THE  F.  F.  V.'s  AT  HOME — THE  EFFECT  OF  WASHINGTON  SO 
CIETY—MORE  REFORM— THE  WEDDING  OF  LARRY  O'DOODLE 
— MOTH  EXTERMINATOR 510 

CHAPTER   LIX. 

A  NATION  OF  POLITICAL  SHARPERS — HE  WOULD  KNOCK  A 
MAN  DOWN  WHO  SAID  FAIL— TONING  SPECK  UP— A  DEATH 
—THE  TRIAL— THE  AMERICAN  GIRL  TO  BE  TURNED  OUT 
TO  GRASS 518 

CHAPTER  LX. 

D.  D.  SPLUDGE  GATHERED  TO  HIS  FATHERS — BY  PROXY  HE 
WILLS  TEN  THOUSAND  DOLLARS  TO  THE  POOR — MRS. 
SPLUDGE  PLEASED  WITH  THE  APPROVAL  OF  THE  PEOPLE.  527 

CHAPTER   LXI. 

THE  ELECTION — A  SPEECH — A  FUNERAL — A  BIRTH  —  THE 
ARRIVAL — THE  Two  EPITAPHS  :  ONE  FOR  THE  DEAD  AND 
ONE  FOR  THE  LIVING..  ..«..  532 


MADAME  JANE  JUNK  AND  JOE, 


CHAPTER    I. 

CHRISTIAN  PAPERS  AND  PRISONERS— PREPARATIONS 
FORA  CALL— IMAGINARY  ELOQUENCE. 

"T  "TAYE  the  prisoners  liad  tlieir  papers  this  morning, 
X~T  Joel?" 

"  No,  mother;  't  ain't  eight  o'clock  yet,  and  you  know  old 
Sliuteye  won't  let  me  in  till  they've  had  breakfast." 

"  Joel,  you  should  not  call  names!"  said  Madame  Junk, 
in  a  reproving  tone. 

"  Well,  any  way  he  is  a  bilk." 

"What  is  a  bilk,  Joel?" 

<c  Why,  a  bilk  is  a  feller  that  takes  a  boy's  papers  and 
never  gives  'im  nothing  for  'em." 

"Well,  well,  Joel;  you  must  not  call  any  person  bad 
names." 

The  boy  took  down  a  rude  satchel  which  hung  on  the 
wall,  and  proceeded  to  fill  it  with  papers  from  a  large 
bundle  which  Madame  Junk  had  placed  upon  a  chair  just 
one  moment  since.  They  were  good  Christian  papers,  full 
of  moral  teachings,  with  now  and  then  a  daily  paper  by  way 
of  spice. 


14  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

In  the  rear  of  a  fine  large  residence  on  G Street  is  a 

room — it  cannot  be  called  a  Louse — still  it  is  built  in  the 
form  of  one.  You  go  up  ten  or  twelve  steps  before  reach 
ing  the  door.  The  one  window  looks  out  upon  a  green 
plat  of  grass,  with  here  and  there  a  stunted  water-lily,  that 
would  grow  if  it  could  have  enough  to  drink.  A  scraggy 
grapevine  is  making  an  attempt  to  cling  to  some  lattice 
work,  but  fails  for  want  of  strength. 

In  this  ten-by-twelve  room  is  a  three-quarter  bed,  cov 
ered  with  gray  army  blankets;  a  little  stove,  with  two 
holes;  one  chair,  and  a  trunk  or  chest.  The  last-named 
article  is  four  and  a  half  feet  long  by  two  and  a  half  feet  in 
width.  There  are  three  individuals  in  this  room:  Madame 
Junk  is  one,  that  lady  being  five  feet  ten  inches  long;  then 
there  is  a  little  boy,  who  is  four  feet;  and  a  little  girl,  two 
and  a  half.  Now  the  reader  may  reckon  up  how  many  feet 
there  are  in  the  room;  also  how  much  room  there  is  to 
move  about  in. 

The  boy  and  girl  would  have  doubtless  been  the  world's 
waifs  but  for  Madame  Junk.  As  it  is,  they  are  hers;  at 
least,  there  seems  to  be  no  one  to  say  they  are  not.  The 
boy  is  ten  years  of  age;  bright  and  active,  with  round  face, 
and  clear,  dark  eyes  of  a  peculiar  light,  that  seem  to  change 
color  as  often  as  the  face  changes  expression.  It  is  a  study 
face;  and  as  you  look,  your  mind  seems  to  stretch  away 
into  the  future.  You  wish  to  know  where  to  place  that 
boy  when  he  is  a  man.  One  moment  you  think  he  will  be 
an  eminent  divine;  the  next,  an  eminent  rogue;  the  next, 
a  great  statesman.  At  all  events,  you  make  up  your  mind 
that  his  life  will  be  a  marked  one  in  some  direction. 

This  is  the  boy  who  is  filling  that  satchel  with  papers. 
He  was  starting  out  to  do  what  Madame  Junk  had  taught 
him  was  labor  for  the  Lord.  As  he  trudged  along  under 
his  load  of  papers,  he  wondered  how  long  he  should  have  to 
work  so  hard  for  the  Lord;  and  if  the  Lord  loved  him  as 
Madame  Junk  assured  him  that  He  did,  why  didn't  the 


JOEL  S    DOUBTS.  I  5 

Lord  get  him  a  decent  hat  and  shoes?  Why  didn't  the 
Lord  giv§  his  mother  and  little  sister  a  home?  Joel  knew 
that  Madame  Junk  had  been  working  for  the  Lord  ever 
since  he  could  remember. 

The  reader  must  forgive  little  Joel  if  he  sometimes 
thought  these  things  were  rather  mixed.  Madame  Junk 
had  opened  that  huge  chest  and  was  plowing  with  her  long 
arms  toward  the  bottom  of  it.  Little  Sternna  sat  on  the 
floor,  dressing  a  little  white  cat,  with  hat,  veil,  and  shawl. 
Madame  Junk  gave  a  pull.  There  was  a  rattle  on  the  bot 
tom  of  the  chest,  as  she  hauled  out  and  held  up  to  the  light 
an  antique  black  brocade  silk  dress.  She  turned  it  round 
and  round,  looking  at  the  braid  on  the  edge  of  the  skirt, 
setting  her  head  to  one  side,  half  closing  one  eye,  scanning 
here  and  there,  as  an  artist  looks  at  something  he  is  about 
to  paint. 

"  "What  would  you  do,  dear,  if  you  had  no  pets?" 

"Me  dit  some,  mamma!"  and  she  set  the  cat  upon  its 
hind  legs,  adjusted  the  hat,  and  told  it  to  "be  a  dood  dirl," 
and  it  should  have  an  orange. 

We  presume  it  will  be  safe  to  answer  for  the  cat  from  a 
human  standpoint,  that  it  would  have  preferred  liberty  to 
an  orange. 

"Come  here,  Sternna,  and  have  your  hair  combed,  and 
your  nice  dress  on." 

Madame  Junk  took  the  beautiful  child  on  her  lap.  The 
little  girl  looked  up  into  her  face  with  that  childish  expres 
sion  of  love  and  trust.  Unlike  the  boy,  as  you  looked  into 
the  clear  depths  of  her  eyes  you  could  see  that  her  path 
through  life  would  point  heavenward.  You  could  easily  see 
that  she  was  a  child  of  foreign  extraction.  Her  eyes  were 
large  and  hazel-brown;  nose  slightly  Roman,  and  mouth 
not  too  large;  but,  above  all,  not  too  small.  The  over-lip 
projected  just  enough  to  give  the  mouth  a  wonderful  speak 
ing  expression.  In  short,  it  was  a  character  face,  in  which 
you  could  see  how  womanly  firmness  would  develop. 


1 6  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

Madame  Junk  took  out  of  this  cliest  a  dress  that  had 
been  made  over  from  one  that  was  once  her  mother's.  The 
goods  were  of  old-fashioned  chintz,  all  covered  with  bouquets 
the  size  of  a  small  tea-plate.  The  groundwork  was  rose- 
color,  and  of  itself  was  a  very  pretty  thing.  It  would  have 
made  a  young  married  woman  a  nice  morning  dress,  but 
for  a  two-year-old  child,  where  two  or  three  of  these 
bouquets  covered  her  all  over,  it  might  be  thought  out  of 
taste.  About  the  neck  of  this  flowery  dress  was  a  piece  of 
real  lace.  This  gewgaw  (as  Madame  Junk  termed  it)  be 
longed  to  that  lady's  palmier  days.  Again  the  huge  chest 
must  be  hauled  over.  This  time  she  brought  out  a  pair  of 
slippers,  which  had  bows  and  buckles  on  the  toes.  The 
buckles  looked  like  silver,  but  we  will  not  promise  they 
were.  Next  came  a  pair  of  silk  stockings  for  a  child;  these 
last-named  articles  she  handled  in  a  sacred  kind  of  manner, 
and  a  little  sigh  crept  up  over  her  lips  and  lodged  in 
Sternna's  hair.  The  slippers  were  all  of  two  inches  too 
long  for  the  child,  and  turned  up  at  the  toes,  which  gave 
the  little  one  the  appearance  of  being  on  skates.  By  way 
of  an  outside  garment,  a  dark-red  silk  pocket  handker 
chief  was  pinned  about  the  child,  the  three  corners  dangling 
far  below  the  waist.  Then  came  the  little  hat  of  Madame 
Junk's  own  make,  all  covered  with  artificial  flowers  of  vari 
ous  hues. 

11  Stand  out  there,  Sternna,  and  let  mother  see  how  you 
look!"  Madame  Junk  set  her  head  to  one  side,  and  her  face 
wore  a  pleased  expression.  There  is  not  a  connoisseur  of 
dress  in  the  world  who  would  not  have  said  the  child 
looked  handsome. 

This  done,  Madame  Junk  proceeded  to  make  her  own 
toilet;  this  was  done  with  little  care.  Her  black  brocade 
was  soon  donned,  her  hair  combed  down  smooth  over  her 
high  bald  forehead,  covering  just  half  of  the  ear,  and 
twisted  in  a  hard  knot  at  the  back  of  the  head.  Her 
bonnet  was  plain  black,  and  of  the  form  known  as  "sky- 


SHE    LOOKED    MAJESTIC.  IJ 

scraper."  At  all  events  it  gave  lier  the  appearance  of  being 
seven  feet  in  height.  Her  mild  blue  eye  brightened  with 
pleasure  as  she  thought  how  majestic  she  looked,  and  of 
the  impression  she  should  make.  She  did  hope  the  Hon. 
Amos  Goliah  Smith  had  been  to  breakfast  that  morning: 
she  hoped  he  had  had  a  good  meal;  such  a  one  as  makes  a, 
man  feel  at  home  with  himself  and  all  mankind.  She  was 
reflecting  how  she  should  approach  him.  Should  it  be  in  a 
neat  set  little  speech  on  the  proper  propagation  of  the 
American  race?  or  was  it  best  to  make  some  appropriate 
quotations  from  Shakspeare  or  from  Blackstone  ?  Or  should 
she  give  him  a  short  treatise  on  metaphysics?  This  last 
thought  she  concluded  would  be  the  best,  as  it  would  give 
her  a  chance  to  show  why  we  should  be  born  better,  and 
how  much  unnecessary  time  is  consumed  in  setting  people 
right  that  are  born  wrong. 

In  her  imagination  Madame  Junk  grew  eloquent.  In 
her  imagination  she  heard  the  Senator  say:  "  Madame,  you 
were  born  wrong;  you  should  have  been  a  man.  What  a 
grand  Statesman  you  would  have  made !  Had  you  been  a 
man,  Madame,  we  should  not  have  our  present  govern 
mental  corruption;  wre  should  not  have  the  present  system 
of  custom-house  frauds;  we  should  never  have  had  Ku- 
klux;  we  should  have  had  no  civil  war;  in  short,  Madame, 
the  American  Republic  would  not  have  been  a  byword,  a 
laughing-stock,  a  mouthpiece  all  over  Europe,  as  it  now  is." 

"Who  can  tell  how  long  Madame  Junk's  prolific  brain 
would  have  produced  this  imaginary  eloquence,  had  not 
little  Sternna  pulled  her  black  brocade  and   said,    "Me 
want  to  go,  mamma  ?" 
2 


CHAPTER    II. 

A   SELF-MADE  DANIEL  WEBSTER— A  DESCENDANT  OF 
OLIVER  CROMWELL. 

HON.  AMOS  GOLIAH  SMITH  had  been  elected  to 
Congress  from  California.  His  term  had  expired, 
and  he  was  making  active  preparations  for  a  second  cam 
paign,  which  would  this  time  be  most  vigorously  contested; 
his  opponent  being  no  less  a  person  than  one  Sampson, 
whose  well-known  strength  of  "pocket"  made  him  a  for 
midable  foe  in  the  political  field. 

It  may  be  a  matter  of  some  curiosity  to  our  readers  to 
know  if  Senator  Smith's  mother  gave  him  the  name  of 
Goliah.  "We  are  happy  to  inform  them  that  the  lady  to 
whom  we  refer  was  a  sane,  sound,  New  England  woman, 
and  would  never  be  guilty  of  such  a  crime.  Senator  Smith 
won  the  name  of  Goliah  as  he  won  his  fortune,  at  one  fell 
stroke.  The  "time  and  tide"  of  this  man's  affairs  had 
brought  him  conspicuously  before  the  public.  This,  com 
bined  with  his  great  fortune,  impelled  the  people  to  re- 
christen  him. 

Nor  was  Mr.  Smith  really  a  Senator,  but  a  member  of  the 
lower  House  of  Congress.  Nevertheless,  on  account  of  his 
great  wealth  and  his  dignity  of  carriage,  and  because  he 
had  at  one  time  been  a  State  Senator,  he  was  always  known 
by  that  title  among  his  fellow-citizens;  and  as  a  Senator  and 
a  Goliah  he  shall  figure  in  these  pages. 

It  was  not  that  Senator  Smith  waj3  versed  in  knowledge; 
(  18) 


THE    INTERVIEW.  19 

not  that  he  had  studied  Ricardo  or  Mai  thus  on  Political 
Economy;  indeed,  it  is  doubtful  if  he  ever  heard  of  those 
individuals. 

Senator  Smith  had  made  his  maiden  speech,  in  which  a 
gun  or  two  was  fired  that  shook  the  House  and  jarred  the 
nerves  of  not  a  few  of  its  members.  He  had  sprung  up  a 
self-made  Daniel  Webster  in  a  minute. 

Madame  Junk  had  sent  up  her  card.  It  was  written 
upon  a  slip  of  foolscap,  and  was  large  enough  to  contain 
the  following  words,  which  were  written  in  that  lady's 
character  hand: 


Of  San  Francisco. 
Formerly  of  Boston. 

A  descendant  of  Oliver  Cromwell. 


If  a  gentleman  would  not  give  a  lady  audience  after  read 
ing  that  card,  he  is  unworthy  of  our  consideration. 

"Sir,"  said  Senator  Smith's  body-guard;  "there  is  a 
lady  in  the  next  room  who  wishes  to  see  you  on  business." 

"I've  no  time!  I've  no  time!" 

"But,  Sir,  she  tells  me  it  is  a  matter  in  which  you  are  as 
much  interested  as  herself.  Here  is  her  card." 

"Her  card!  the  devil!  I  should  think  it  was  a  letter.  Is 
she  young?" 

"About  thirty,  I  should  say." 

"  Tell  her  I  will  see  her."  As  the  servant  left,  the  Hon. 
Amos  Goliah  Smith  muttered  to  himself,  "What  can  this 
persistent  old  buzzard  want  of  me?" 

"Good  morning,  Senator  Smith." 

"Good  morning,  Madame.  Take  a  seat.  What  might 
your  business  be  ?"  asked  the  Senator,  inserting  his  thumb 


2O  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

and  forefinger  into  the  corners  of  his  mouth,  and  drawing 
them  down  the  least  bit,  just  to  give  one  the  impression  he 
was  a  very  stern  man. 

Thereupon  that  selfsame  persistent  Madame  Jane  Junk 
arose  from  the  chair  upon  which  she  was  sitting,  and  tak 
ing  a  step  forward,  assumed  a  very  imposing  attitude,  lifted 
her  eyes  to  the  stucco,  and  began  speaking  about  Goliah's 
benevolence,  when  she  was  interrupted  with,  "Who  in 
formed  you,  Madame,  that  I  was  benevolent?"  and  his  eyes 
flashed  with  a  nervous  twitch  which  spoke  volumes  of  suffer 
ing  under  his  benevolence.  There  was  something,  how 
ever,  in  the  placid  expression  of  Madame  Junk's  eyes 
which  crept  way  into  one  corner  of  Goliah's  heart,  touching 
a  spring  that  opened  a  casket  for  sympathy. 

He  bade  her  be  seated,  in  a  kindlier  tone;  he  began 
stroking  his  beard  as  he  would  a  pet  cat  which  was  out  of 
humor.  In  a  patronizing  tone  he  asked  Madame  Junk 
what  he  could  do  for  her. 

Nothing  would  have  pleased  that  lady  so  much  as  to 
have  entered  into  a  lengthy  grandiloquent  argument  over 
the  proper  propagation  of  the  American  race.  She  saw 
brevity  written  all  over  Goliah's  face,  and  thought  it  was 
not  best  to  launch  out  upon  her  pet  theme  that  time.  So 
she  began  with,  "  I  have  always  understood  that  you  were 
benevolent." 

' c  The  deuce  take  my  benevolence !  Madame,  to  the  point ! 
I  want  to  eat.  I've  had  no  breakfast,  and  at  this  very 
minute  there  are  two  Catholic  priests,  three  widows,  one 
negro,  and  two  cripples,  all  waiting  in  the  next  room  for 
what  you  call  my  benevolence.  When  I  was  a  poor  man  I 
could  eat  and  sleep;  now,  that  I  have  a  little  money,  every 
man,  woman  and  child  that  is  in  want  of  a  dollar  consider 
it  their  privilege  to  come  to  me  for  it."  Here  Madame 
Junk  saw  an  opportunity  to  throw  in  a  little  word  on  her 
hobby. 

' '  You  see,  Senator,  all  men  of  your  large  intellect  will 


NOT   CONVINCED.  21 

see  the  question  at  issue  is  this:  "We  shall  never  have  a 
better  state  of  things  until  people  are  born  right." 

"Madame,  has  that  anything  to  do  with  your  business 
withnie?" 

The  lady  being  thus  reminded  that  she  was  not  here  for 
the  purpose  of  reading  a  homily  on  being  born,  proceeded 
to  state  that  she  hoped  his  great  benevolence — 

"  Don't  call  me  benevolent  again;  I  am  not!'* 

"  Well,  then,  we  will  call  it  your  wish  to  do  good.  Will 
you  lead  to  help  me  build  a  prison  reform  for  those  who 
leave  the  convict's  cell,  and  are  unable  to  procure  employ 
ment  because  dishonored  ?" 

The  man  of  many  millions  smiled.  It  was  a  smile  by 
which  it  was  difficult  to  determine  the  feeling  that  predom 
inated.  Was  it  sarcasm  or  amusement?  It  was  but  mo 
mentary;  his  features  settled,  and  he  bade  her  proceed  with 
the  modus  operandi  of  putting  this  into  effect. 

When  Madame  Junk  had  given  him  a  brief  synopsis  of 
her  plan,  Goliah  replied:  "You  are  attempting  to  be  a 
philanthropist  without  means  to  carry  it  on." 

With  this  home-thrust  he  invited  his  visitor  to  go,  by 
rising  and  walking  toward  the  door,  a  hint  which  she 
accepted;  not,  however,  without  poking  into  his  ear  a  sly 
compliment,  so  well-timed  and  in  a  didn't-mean-to-do-it 
sort  of  a  way,  that  the  gentleman  was  nattered;  his  back 
suddenly  became  supple  and  his  head  slightly  inclined  for 
ward  as  he  rung  the  bell  for  his  servant  to  show  Madame 
Junk  out. 

"When  can  I  see  you  again,  Senator?" 

"Well,  a  week  from  to-day;  but  don't  depend  upon  my 
giving  much  for  such  a  scheme." 

Madame  Junk's  sky-scraper  made  a  bow,  and  her  tall 
erect  figure  passed  out.  The  interview  had  terminated  as 
well  as  she  could  expect.  The  ice  was  broken;  what  if  it 
was  rather  cool  at  first,  it  would  thaw  by  and  by.  "  Yes, 
yes!"  said  Madame  Junk  to  herself;  "that  is  the  man — the 


22  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

man  God  lias  chosen  from  his  people  to  do  his  most  holy 
work.  Now  the  next  thing  to  do  is  to  prove  this  fact  to  the 
gentleman;  and  when  once  convinced  that  he  has  been  thus 
ordained,  we  have  no  doubt  he  will  take  hold  of  the  work 
right  manfully."  But  the  convincing  part  of  the  job  is  the 
most  difficult  part  of  all;  for,  although  Senator  Smith  con 
tributed  largely  for  the  support  of  churches,  he  was  no  pro 
fessed  Christian. 


CHAPTEE    III. 

HARDWARE  STORE  AND  ORPHAN  ASYLUM— BOMB 
SHELLS  IN  CHURCH— PROPAGATION,  ETC. 

ME.  AND  MES.  GLEWEE  might  have  been  said  to 
belong  to  the  working-classes;  not,  however,  of 
the  poorer  sort.  Thomas  Glewer  kept  a  small  hardware- 
shop  on  an  obscure  street  in  San  Francisco,  where  he  did 
a  tolerably  brisk  business  with  the  people  who  came  up 
from  the  country.  Mrs.  Glewer  was  a  beautiful  woman,  in 
whose  large  brown  eyes  there  was  a  mysterious  something, 
wholly  undefined  by  those  whom  her  position  led  her  to 
come  in  contact  with. 

Mrs.  Glewer  might  not  have  been  a  lady  in  the  strict 
conventional  sense  of  the  word.  The  reader  who  under 
stands  human  nature  does  not  expect  the  writer  to  fill  every 
place  with  conventional  ladies.  It  is  the  home-made  bread 
we  are  after;  and  if  we  dispense  with  some  of  those  side- 
dishes  which  are  usually  brought  in  to  garnish  a  novel,  we 
beg  the  reader  to  excuse  our  home-made  hash. 

Mrs.  Glewer  serves  us  for  a  character  in  which  a  phase 
of  life  is  depicted.  You  may  judge  of  her  merits  and  de 
merits  hereafter.  The  Glewers  lived  in  a  small  tenement 
house  of  five  rooms;  two  of  these  rooms  were  let  to  lodgers. 
The  windows  of  each  room  were  filled  to  their  utmost  ca 
pacity  with  the  different  flowers  in  which  California  abounds. 
Having  no  yard,  and  being  very  fond  of  flowers,  Mrs. 
Glewer  must  needs  make  a  garden  in  her  windows.  Two 
singing  birds  hung  between  the  vines,  and  on  sunny 
mornings  operatically  rivaled  each  other  in  sweet  song. 

(23) 


24  MADAME   JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

Heaven  had  never  blessed  Mrs.  Glewer  with  children  of 
her  own;  but  there  are  mothers  in  whose  breasts  the  ma 
ternal  fount  has  never  flowed,  in  whose  hearts  the  tender 
yearning  to  be  a  natural  mother  was  never  answered;  still, 
they  are  mothers  by  right  of  feeling,  and  that  true  motherly 
care  which  they  evince  for  the  helpless. 

Mrs.  Glewer  had  been  married  to  her  husband  some  two 
years,  when  Madame  Kumor,  ever  on  the  alert  for  the  short 
comings  of  mankind,  whispered  of  a  youthful  indiscretion 
of  her  husband.  It  was  something  about  a  forsaken  woman 
and  an  unlawful  child.  Mrs.  Rumor  did  not  stop  here; 
she  informed  all  those  who  were  willing  to  listen  that  the 
boy  was  at  this  moment  in  the  Orphan  Asylum,  and  that, 
too,  within  a  stone's  throw  of  the  Glowers'  home. 

To  live  where  the  very  atmosphere  is  impregnated  with 
the  minds  of  the  people  who  think  intently  on  a  subject,  is, 
to  some,  equivalent  to  an  open  discussion  of  the  matter. 
No  one  dared  to  broach  the  subject  to  Mrs.  Glewer;  but 
when  they  saw  her  they  thought  of  it,  and  Mrs.  Glewer 
read  the  thought,  dwelling  upon  it  with  reason  and  philos 
ophy.  She  did  not  become  at  once  a  frequenter  of  Orphan 
Asylums,  but  she  began  to  reconnoiter  them.  She  gradu 
ally  walked  around  the  church  before  going  in  at  the  door; 
and  by  degrees  became  interested  in  charitable  institutions, 
until  she  wras  finally  elected  an  officer  of  this  particular 
asylum.  She  was  there  for  more  than  one  purpose.  One 
was  the  natural  desire  to  do  good,  and  the  other  was  to 
find  something  which  she  thought  belonged  to  her.  It  was 
something  she  had  a  sovereign  right  to  claim.  She  was 
looking  for  an  atonement;  not  that  she  had  sinned  wdthout 
asking  God's  pardon.  She  might  have  been  looking  for 
some  way  to  save  a  soul.  Who  shall  say  she  was  not  ? 

"  Kate,  what  under  the  heavens  has  come  over  you?  You 
have  been  spinning  enough  street-yarn  to  serve  all  the  old 
•women  in  the^  country."  This  was  the  ejaculation  that 
Tom  Glewer  gave  vent  to  as  he  sat  munching  his  roast 


HANDS  FULL  AND  HEART  FULL.        25 

mutton  at  dinner.  "You  have  been  over  to  that  Orphan 
Asylum  twice  a  week  for  months.  Do  you  propose  to  run 
it?  or  have  you  some  children  there?" 

"  No,  Tom,  I  have  none  that  I  am  the  mother  of." 

"Fm  a  poor  man,  and  work  like  the  devil  for  my  living; 
I  don't  feel  like  spending  my  hard  earnings  in  charity. 
For  my  part,  I  think  charity  begins  at  home." 

"  I  agree  with  you,  Tom;  it  does;"  and  there  came  over 
Kate's  face  that  strange  expression  which  her  husband  had 
ever  failed  to  fathom. 

"But,  Tom,  you  know  I"  (she  did  not  emphasize  I,  but 
run  it  in  just  as  if  the  pronoun  I  had  no  particular  weight 
in  the  sentence)  "  have  no  children  of  my  own.  I  feel  it  is 
my  duty  to  do  something  for  those  little  ones  who  have 
been  left  without  a  father's  and  mother's  care." 

"  I'm  an  orphan,  and  if  you  tend  me  as  you  should,  you 
will  have  your  hands  full,  and  ought  to  have  your  heart 
full,  too." 

"  That  may  be  true,  Tom;  but  I  think  I  am  good  for  two. 
When  I  neglect  to  do  my  duty  it  is  time  enough  for  you  to 
complain." 

"  I  suppose  Oliver  Cromwell  has  been  stuffing  your  ears 
with  orphans  ?"  (Tom  was  in  the  habit  of  calling  Madame 
Junk  "  Oliver  Cromwell.") 

"  No,  Tom;  all  her  charity  is  in  quite  another  direction." 

"  Oh,  indeed!"  said  Tom;  "  I  am  glad  to  learn  there  is  a 
little  something  going  on  that  her  nose  is  not  poked  into." 

Madame  Junk  had  frequently  affirmed  that  her  father 
was  not  a  far-off  descendant  of  Oliver  Cromwell,  and  al 
most  a  perfect  prototype  of  that  illustrious  man.  There 
must  have  been  royal  blood  about  Madame  Junk,  for  she 
was  forever  telling  the  Glewers  how  blue  it  was. 

Madame  Junk  sat  regular  every  Sabbath  under  the  teach 
ings  of  good  Doctor  S ,  and  when  that  divine  got  off  a 

mammoth  intellectual  bombshell,  and  one  that  his  congre 
gation  failed  to  comprehend,  it  generally  fell  at  the  feet  of 


26  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

Madame  Junk,  accompanied  with  an  expression  of  the  good 
Doctor's  face,  which  said,  as  plain  as  words  could  say,  "  You 
understand  me,  don't  you?"  So  much  she  took  to  herself, 
and  was  gratified. 

At  twenty  Madame  Junk  was  a  beautiful  girl.  When 
her  husband  sought  and  won  her,  she  was  quite  a  catch. 
She  could  have  married  half  a  dozen  men  with  twice  his 
money.  He  proved  to  be  an  unprincipled  scamp,  and  she 
left  him,  procured  a  divorce,  and  took  her  maiden  name. 
She  has  been  frequently  heard  to  say,  "  If  it  is  not  a  hand 
some  name  it  is  an  honest  one,  and  never  was  disgraced." 
It  was  about  this  time  the  eccentricity  of  her  character 
began  to  develop  itself.  By  those  who  knew  her  she  was 
looked  upon  as  a  wondering  Neonomian.  She  came  to 
California  in  the  early  days,  and  lectured  to  a  few  rude 
miners  on  the  subject  of  the  proper  propagation  of  the 
American  race.  It  was  a  subject  her  audience  thought, 
under  the  circumstances,  out  of  place.  One  old  fellow 
arose  in  the  audience  and  said  he  thought  she  could  do 
more  good  by  sending  them  an  invoice  of  wives. 

California,  in  those  days,  evidently  was  not  the  place  for 
that  class  of  a  lecture. 

There  are  those  who  go  through  the  world  feeling  the 
responsibility  of  the  world  upon  their  shoulders,  always 
feeling  there  is  something  they  must  do  outside  their  own 
interests. 

Madame  Junk  might  have  been  called  a  female  tramp; 
but  in  my  mind  it  is  totally  wrong  to  call  any  one  naughty 
names  because  they  try  to  do  good  with  little  or  nothing  to 
do  it  with.  Madame  Junk  always  carried  a  bag  of  medi 
cines  on  her  arm,  wherever  she  went.  That  bag  was  a  free 
dispensary  for  the  poor.  It  is  true,  that  some  of  her  pa 
tients  felt  rather  poorly  after  a  dose  from  that  bag.  Among 
her  sovereign  remedies  was  that  of  Spanish  pepper;  and  if 
man,  woman,  child,  horse  or  dog,  was  taken  with  a  fainting 
fit  in  the  streets,  or  any  other  place  where  she  chanced  to 


A    CHARITABLE    BAG.  2  7 

be,  she  would  get  out  her  spoon  (she  always  carried  one  in 
the  bag),  and  before  the  bystanders  had  time  to  interfere 
she  would  have  it  into  the  sick  person's  or  animal's  mouth. 
The  effect  was  generally  speedy.  Thus  with  many  she 
settled  red  pepper  as  an  indispensable  household  doctor  of 
very  smart  practice. 


CHAPTER    IY. 

A  FOUR-BIT  PHILANTHROPIST— DOLLS  MAKE  TROUBLE 
—SHE,  HE,  OR  IT. 

SOMETHING  over  a  week  has  passed  since  Madame 
Junk  waited  upon  the  Senator.  We  presume  he  has 
been  to  breakfast  several  times  since  then. 

This  morning  he  was  seated  in  the  front  room  of  his  own 
private  office.  He  was  reading  the  daily  papers — looking 
over  the  Stock  Exchange  in  a  listless  sort  of  way,  the  Liver 
pool  wheat  market,  and  other  daily  records  where  capital  is 
largely  invested. 

Ever  and  anon  he  raised  his  right  hand  to  the  back  of 
his  head,  and  smoothing  the  hair  down,  brought  the  hand 
back  as  far  as  the  mouth;  took  his  cigar  between  his  fore 
and  middle  finger,  puffing  out  a  delicate  volume  of  smoke 
that  mingled  with  the  serene  satisfaction  which  pervaded 
the  atmosphere.  He  had  finished  reading  all  the  matter 
that  was  of  interest  to  him.  He  was  thinking  it  had  been 
a  long  time  since  he  had  been  so  free  from  people  seeking 
his  benevolence.  The  gentleman  was  not  left  to  reflect 
long  in  this  enjoyable  sort  of  a  way  before  one  of  the  body-* 
guard  handed  in  Madame  Junk's  card,  which  was  more 
brief  than  the  former  one,  and  upon  which  was  written, 
with  a  terrific  flourish  of  the  J.,  "Madame  Jane  Junk  and 
Daughter."  This  time  he  brought  his  hand  to  the  back  of 
his  head,  stroking  the  hair  toward  the  crown,  twitched  his 
vest  down,  sat  further  back  in  his  easy  chair,  and  rested  his 
elbows  on  its  arms,  looking  as  much  at  home  as  if  he  had 
been  born  there. 


SHE  PLEADS  FOR  REFORM.  29 

"  Well,  show  her  in.A  The  short  interval  which  elapsed 
was  spent  in  muttering  something  about  inconsistent  old 
women. 

"  Good  morning,  Madame!  Pray  be  seated."  "With 
that  gallantry  characteristic  of  American  men,  he  arose 
and  conducted  Madame  Junk  to  an  easy  chair  on  the  op 
posite  side  of  the  room,  the  lady  dropping  a  courtesy  at 
every  step,  with  "Thanks,  thanks,  Sir." 

"When  seated,  she  took  Sternna  on  her  lap,  and  the  Sena 
tor  moved  to  his  seat.  Madame  Junk  opened  the  ball  by 
remarking,  "  We  are  having  very  pleasant  weather." 

The  Senator  returned  the  salute  with,  "  Is  that  your 
daughter  ?  "  at  the  same  time  giving  her  a  scrutinizing  look 
that  would  have  done  credit  to  a  woman. 

"I  am  all  the  mother  the  child  has,"  replied  Madame 
Junk  in  dramatic  tones.  She  would  have  launched  out  into 
metaphysics  had  not  the  Senator  looked  a  formidable  stop. 

"  Ah!  yes.     What  was  it  you  wished  to  see  me  about?  " 

The  lady  thus  encouraged  began  by  saying  she  hoped  the 
Senator  could  see  the  necessity  of  having  a  place  of  resort 
for  prisoners  after  they  had  been  discharged. 

"No,  Madame,  I  cannot  say  I  do;  and  suppose  I  did, 
who  would  take  the  responsibility  of  conducting  such  an 
establishment  ?  " 

"  Why,  I  would!"  and  Madame  Junk  sat  up  as  straight 
as  if  she  had  a  stave  laced  to  her  back. 

"  Madame,  what  experience  have  you  hod  in  this  sort  of 
work?" 

"  Well,  Senator,  I  have  had  just  this  kind:  For  the  last 
five  years  I  have  provided  the  prisoners  with  all  the  read 
ing-matter  they  have  had." 

' '  Does  that  reform  them  ?  "  asked  the  Senator  with  a  smile. 

"  No,  Sir!  It  enlightens  them,  and  that  is  on  the  road  to 
reform." 

"But,  Madame,  I  think  this  limited  experience  would 
scarcely  suffice." 


3O  MADAME   JANE   JUNK    AND    JOE. 

"  But,  Sir,  I  did  not  say  this  was  all  I  had." 

"  Well,  what  more  have  you  had  ?  "  queried  the  Senator, 
resting  his  elbows  on  the  arms  of  his  chair,  and  bringing 
the  ends  of  his  eight  fingers  together. 

"  I  have  supplied  them  with  food  and  raiment  when  they 
were  unable  to  obtain  work." 

"  Madame,  I  have  no  doubt  your  motive  is  a  Christian 
one;  and  if  you  feel  disposed  to  spend  your  fortune  in  that 
way  it  is  not  for  me  to  argue  the  question  with  you." 

"  My  fortune,  Sir!  I — I  have  no  fortune."  The  stave  at 
her  back  must  have  broken,  for  her  erect  figure  became  limp. 

"  You  no  fortune  ?  "  said  the  Senator.  "  I  inferred  from 
your  conversation  this  morning  that  you  were  a  lady  of  un 
limited  means,  and  this  was  your  eccentric  way  of  disposing 
of  it." 

"  I  have  one  half  dollar  in  my  purse.  That  will  serve 
to  buy  something  to  eat  for  one  day.  My  Bible  tells  me 
to  let  the  morrow  take  care  of  itself,  and  I  have  never 
found  that  blessed  book  going  back  on  a  promise." 

By  this  time  the  Senator  began  to  look  really  annoyed; 
— annoyed  that  he  could  not  determine  what  this  woman 
was.  There  was  something  in  this  woman  that  spoke  of 
old  Puritan  aristocracy.  There  was  at  times  a  cultured 
expression  on  her  face.  There  was  something  that  spoke  of 
other  and  better  days.  Cropping  out  of  every  line  in  the 
face,  there  was  that  which  told  you  she  had,  some  time, 
mingled  with  the  best,  mayhap  men  of  letters. 

When  we  feel  bored  with  grown  people,  a  child  is  always 
a  convenient  thing  to  turn  the  topic  of  conversation  upon. 

"  Come  and  see  me,  little  girl,"  said  the  Senator,  in  a 
pleasant  tone  of  voice. 

Madame  Junk  lifted  the  child  down  from  her  lap,  and 
bade  her  go  over  and  speak  to  the  gentleman.  The  child 
walked  slowly  over,  all  the  time  looking  the  man  in  the  eyes, 
half  in  trust  and  half  in  doubt.  The  Senator  stroked  her 
hair  and  told  her  he  had  a  little  girl  about  as  old  as  she  was. 


A   BRIGHT   NEW    PIECE.  3! 

"  What  is  your  name,  little  girl  ?" 

"  Nernna." 

"  Sternna!"  chimes  in  Madame  Junk. 

"  Sternna  what?"  re-echoes  the  Senator. 

The  child  looked  back  at  her  mother  and  waited  for  the 
answer. 

"At  present  she  has  no  other  name;  but  the  time  will 
come,  Sir,  wrhen  she  will  have  one,  and  one,  too,  that  will 
be  an  honor  to  her." 

The  Senator  muttered  something  in  an  undertone  that 
sounded  like  "  I  hope  so." 

Leaning  to  one  side  he  inserted  his  thumb  and  forefinger 
in  his  right-side  vest-pocket,  and  bringing  out  a  bright 
new  piece,  he  took  the  child's  little  hand,  and  placing  the 
gold  in  her  palm  closed  her  fingers  over  it,  held  them  down 
a  moment,  and  said: 

"  That  is  for  you,  little  girl,  to  buy  something  nice." 

"  Make  a  bow,  and  say,  thank  you,"  said  Madame  Junk. 

"  Tank  'ou."  As  the  child  bowed,  the  roses  and  pinks 
on  her  dress  bowed  too.  Her  shoes  turned  up  their  toes 
approvingly  at  the  Senator's  benevolence. 

"  Madame,  I  have  an  appointment  at  this  hour,  and  I 
must  beg  you  will  excuse  me." 

"  But,  Sir,  you  have  given  no  definite  answer  to  my  sug 
gestion.  " 

"  Well,  Madame,  you  have  not  defined  it  very  clearly. 
At  all  events,  I  cannot  listen  longer  this  time.  Here  is  a 
little  something  to  make  yourself  and  child  comfortable," 
handing  her  a  piece  of  money,  and  bidding  her  good  day 
amid  a  volley  of  her  thanks. 

As  Madame  Junk  passed  out,  she  resolved,  within  herself, 
that  she  would  yet  do  something  for  that  man — something 
good,  something  great.  To  sum  it  all  up,  that  man  must 
and  should  accept  her  views  on  these  reform  questions. 

"  He  need  not  pretend  to  me  that  he  don't  think  about  it; 
I  know  he  will  think  over  what  I  have  been  telling  him." 


32  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

What  were  Hon.  Amos  Goliah  Smith's  thoughts  after  the 
departure  of  his  visitor  ?  Was  our  modern  mental  telegram 
exchanging  minds  ?  Certainly  there  was  a  response. 

"  Yes,  yes,"  thought  this  man  of  money;  "  what  a  glori 
ous  campaigner  this  woman  will  make,  and  I  shall  be 
obliged  to  use  all  the  material  that  comes  in  my  way.  I 
shall  have  a  close  run  this  time,  and  need  all  the  help  I  can 
get.  She  is  a  good  talker,  a  fair  reasoner,  in  and  out  of  all 
places,  religious  and  benevolent."  The  last  thought  seemed 
to  amuse  him.  A  philanthropist  with  only  one  half  dollar 
was  quite  a  novel  thing. 

But  hold,  my  kind  Senator!  an  American  humorist  has 
said,  "Penny  charities  count  in  heaven;"  and  we  will  add, 
that  the  widow's  mite  will  be  recorded  upon  the  same  book 
with  your  millions. 

Last  night  Kate  Glewer  sat  up  most  all  night  dressing 
dolls,  and  stringing  spools  from  which  thread  had  been 
used.  Passing  an  auction  store  one  day,  she  saw  a  gross  of 
wax  dolls,  of  various  sizes,  which  she  bid  off  at  a  great  bar 
gain.  She  wished  to  make  her  little  girls  and  boys  a  Christ 
mas  present.  Mrs.  Glewer  had  something  less  than  a  cord 
of  wooden  blocks  for  the  boys,  and  not  quite  a  cord  of  dolls 
for  the  girls. 

"Kate,  I  should  think  we  had  as  many  as  twenty  chil 
dren  by  the  looks  of  this  room,"  said  Tom  Glewer;  "I  don't 
like  this  way  of  spending  my  money." 

"  I  did  not  spend  your  money,  Tom."  (Mrs.  Glewer  had 
a  small  dower  when  she  married  Tom.)  "Besides,  Tom, 
they  were  only  a  trifle." 

"  Well,  if  you  are  fool  enough  to  spend  what  little  you 
have  in  that  way,  it  is  none  of  my  business;  but  don't  ask 
me  when  you  want  a  dress  or  shoes.  I  won't  uphold  a 
woman  in  such  useless  extravagance." 

* '  I  only  have  one  dress  in  a  year,  and  that  I  get  with  the 
interest  of  my  money,  and  I  make  it  myself.  The  velvet  in 
my  hat  I  have  had  for  four  years,  and  every  year  I  have 
made  it  over." 


A   GOOD   DINNER.  33 

"Well,  suppose  you  have;  I  board  you,  and  provide  a 
place  for  you  to  live." 

"  Yes,  Tom,  I  know  you  do,  and  it  is  very  kind  of  you." 
And  Kate  gave  way  to  one  of  those  dreamy  sort  of  moods. 
If  Tom  could  have  read  her  thoughts  at  that  moment  he 
would  have  found  her  asking  herself  this  question :  "  If  all 
married  men  take  the  position  that  my  husband  does,  what 
would  become  of  the  wives  and  children  ?"  If  she  arrived 
at  any  conclusion,  it  was  that  they  would  all  be  orphans, 
and  that  the  world  would  be  one  large  orphan  asylum.  If 
her  sympathy  for  orphans  was  in  that  moment  renewed, 
Tom  was  responsible  for  it.  She  would  hustle  about,  and 
get  Tom  a  good  dinner;  she  would  get  him  his  favorite  dish 
— roast  mutton,  with  caper  sauce.  Kate's  head  was  full  of 
schemes;  and  when  a  woman  wishes  to  carry  out  a  plan 
with  her  liege  lord,  she  cajoles  him  with  a  bone  (not  that 
we  wish  to  make  comparisons).  She  infuses  into  every 
thing  about  her  the  effervescence  of  intensity.  A  man 
would  be  quite  callous  who  could  withstand  a  woman  armed 
with  such  a  nature.  If  men  only  knew  how  they  were 
managed,  either  for  good  or  evil,  they  would  all  become 
rebels.  Happily  for  them,  they  are  so  much  engrossed 
with  business  they  have  no  time  to  watch  the  flank  move 
ments  of  their  wives.  Kate  Glewer  was  good — that  is,  good 
as  the  word  goes;  generous,  and  full  of  noble  impulses; 
but  she  was  not  an  angel;  and  we  aver  they  do  not  live  in 
this  world,  and  we  are  told  they  seldom  visit  us  from  the 
Unknown. 

We  left  Madame  Junk  returning  from  a  call  on  the  Sen 
ator.  To  speak  after  the  manner  of  men,  she  had  made 
"  quite  a  speck."  Her  financial  condition  was  so  much 
improved  that  she  was  even  now  looking  about  to  find  some 

one  who  was  in  need  of  a  dollar.  Coming  down  C Street, 

this  benevolent  lady  came  up  to  a  colossal  lump  of  flesh. 
He,  she,  or  it,  was  dressed  as  a  woman,  and  sitting  on  an 
empty  soap-box  turned  upside  down.  He,  she,  or  it,  had 
3 


34  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

on  a  bonnet  much  too  small,  and  before  the  eyes  was  a 
visor,  which  reached  half  way  down  the  nose.  The  chin, 
the  great  double  chin  (we  might  call  chops),  protruded. 
On  the  chin  was  here  and  there  a  scraggy  hair.  This  last 
item  would  not  attract  particular  attention,  because  some 
very  good  women  have  been  known  to  have  a  few  hairs  on 
their  chins.  He,  she,  or  it,  held  a  quart  cup.  On  the  bottom 
of  this  cup  were  two  silver  five-cent  pieces,  which  showed 
rather  poor  picking  in  that  quarter;  it  looked  as  if  it  might 
take  a  powerful  quantity  of  sitting  to  gather  a  quart  of  those 
pieces.  On  the  broad  breast  of  this  figure  was  a  placard, 
on  which  was  written,  "Help  the  blind. "  Madame  Junk 
stepped  in  front  of  this  figure.  Holding  little  Sternna  by 
the  hand,  Madame  Junk  took  out  her  small  buckskin  wallet, 
which  fastened  with  a  clasp.  She  drew  out  another  five- 
center,  and,  holding  it  at  least  a  good  foot  over  the  cup,  let 
it  drop  with  a  jingle,  which  caused  the  poor  blind  person  to 
say,  "  The  Lord  be  praised/'  in  tones  that  would  make  you 
think  the  lungs  were  almost,  if  not  quite,  gone,  although 
outwardly  there  was  nothing  to  prove  it. 

Madame  Junk  touched  her  on  the  hand,  and  said: 

"  Madame,  where  do  you  live?  I  may  be  able  to  assist 
you  in  some  way." 

Again  the  place  where  the  lungs  ought  to  be  heaved  vio 
lently.  She  labored  for  breath,  and  just  audibly  articulated, 

"  I — I'm  shure — I'm  after  living  nowhere." 

"Nowhere?"  returned  Madame  Junk;  "it  is  not  pos 
sible!" 

More  hard  breathing,  and  she  worried  out, ' '  It's  sthopping 
wid  my  brother  I  am."  (Another  gasp.)  "  He's  living  jist 
ferninst" — (almost  gone) — "the  hop-biling  shop." 

"But  what  street  and  what  number?"  asked  Madame 
Junk,  earnestly. 

This  time  it  seemed  to  be  doubtful  if  he  or  she  (there  is 
no  longer  any  doubt,  for  we  know  this  object  does  not  be 
long  to  the  neuter  gender)  would  ever  catch  his  or  her  breath 


ONE    BREATH    LEFT.  35 

again.  After  much  struggling,  he  or  she  got  out  the  word 
"  three"  (another  gasp),  then  the  word  "  four." 

"  Thirty-four?"  said  Madame  Junk. 

This  time  the  lady  of  the  tin-cup  signaled ' '  yes"  by  bowing 
her  head  as  much  as  her  double  chin  would  permit. 

"  Thirty-four!    But  what  street ?  "  asked  Junk. 

The  chin  went  up  and  down,  the  lips  moved  as  if  to  form 
a  word,  but  no  sound  came  over  them. 

"Come!  what  street?" 

"  D-r-u-n-k,"  was  whispered  one  letter  at  a  time. 

"  Thirty-four  Drunk  Street.     Is  that  it  ?" 

Again  the  head  bowed. 

"  I  shall  be  around  there,  to  see  what  can  be  done  for 
you." 

As  Madame  Junk's  tall  figure  passed  down  the  street, 
she  was  heard  to  mutter:  "Not  born  right!  "When  will 
people  comprehend  the  great  problem  of  the  American 
race  ?"  Still,  with  all  these  regrets  about  the  human  race 
being  so  badly  born,  we  half  believe  Madame  Junk  was 
pleased  that  she  had  found  another  weighty  subject  for  dis 
section,  or,  in  other  words,  one  that  must  be  reborn  in 
order  to  enter  the  kingdom  of  heaven. 


CHAPTEE    V. 

A  SIGNIFICANT  DREAM— LESSONS  TO  CITY  OFFICIALS. 

11  A  EE  the  prisoners  all  well  this  morning,  Joel?  " 
jC\.     ' '  All  but  Dick  Spencer. " 

"  What  is  the  matter  with  Mr.  Spencer  ?  " 

"  Don't  know.  I  tucked  him  in  two  papers.  He  set  up 
on  his  elbow  and  said,  '  Halloo!  lost  angel;  how's  yer 
mother  ?  Tell  her  I  shall  pass  in  my  checks  before  my  trial 
comes  off.'  Then  he  fell  back  and  looked  so  white." 

Madame  Junk  began  fumbling  in  the  pocket  of  her  dress 
and  talking  the  while :  "  Poor  fellow!  not  to  blame;  was  born 
wrong.  Joel,  here  take  this  money  and  get  me  as  nice 
a  piece  of  lamb  as  can  be  found  in  the  market.  I  wish  to 
make  Mr.  Spencer  a  good  dish  of  broth,  then  I  want  you 
to  take  it  to  him." 

"But,  mother,  they  won't  let  me  in  again  to-day;  and  if 
they  would,  I  wouldn't  want  to  eat  the  broth." 

'  <  Why,  Joel  ?    Why  do  you  talk  in  that  way  ?  " 

"  Old  Shuteye  allers  puts  his  hand  in  and  feels  all  round 
on  the  bottom  of  the  dish.  I  don't  believe  he  ever  washes 
his  hands,  only  when  I  bring  broth  to  the  prisoners.  He  is 
mighty  'fraid  about  files  and  saws  when  a  man  hasn't  got  no 
money,  nor  hasn't  got  no  friends  that's  got  money.  But  he 
can  shut-eye  when  they  have." 

"  Joel!  Joel!  You  must  not  talk  in  that  way  or  you  will 
be  arrested  for  defamation  of  character.  Eun  right  along 
now,  that  is  a  good  boy.  Get  a  nice  piece,"  said  Madame 
Junk,  opening  the  door  and  calling  down  the  steps. 

Madame  Junk  began  making  the  fire  and  getting  things 


A   BAD   DREAM.  37 

ready  by  the  time  Joel  returned  with  the  meat.  Little 
Sternna  was  playing  school  with  her  white  cat.  So  Mad 
ame  Junk  was  left  to  her  thoughts,  which  we  shall  make  no 
attempt  to  follow,  for  they  cover  such  an  area.  Joel  soon 
returned  with  the  lamb,  which  his  mother  pronounced  a  fine 
piece. 

"  Do  you  feel  tired,  Joel?  " 

"  I  guess  so,"  said  Joel,  with  a  yawn.  His  mother  went 
to  the  bed,  shook  up  the  pillow,  and  gave  it  a  good  spank 
ing,  patted  the  bed,  and  told  Joel  to  get  up  there  and  take 
a  rest  while  the  broth  was  cooking.  The  boy  was  glad  to 
obey.  He  was  soon  sound  asleep,  with  his  cheek  resting  in 
the  palm  of  his  hand,  his  mouth  open,  and  his  dark  chest 
nut  curls  clustering  around  his  high  white  forehead.  How 
noble  and  innocent  he  looked! 

Ever  and  anon  Madame  Junk  stepped  to  the  bedside  and 
softly  kissed  him.  She  never  kissed  him  except  when  he 
was  sleeping.  Once  she  paused  longer,  and  with  clasped 
hands  and  eyes  lifted  toward  heaven,  she  breathed  a  prayer. 
It  was  such  a  prayer  as  a  mother  only  can  utter.  "  O  God! 
help  me  to  direct  this  darling  boy  in  the  right  path;  help 
me  to  fit  him  for  Thy  kingdom.  O  God!  take  him  unto 
Thy  fold;  and  when  his  path  treads  where  danger  lies, 
envelop  him  in  Thy  garment  of  purity;  and,  O  God!  as 
his  little  feet  walk  the  thorny  way  that  leads  up  into  man 
hood,  shield  him,  O  God,  from  that  vice  which  environs  us 
all.  O  God,  thou  supreme  ruler  of  the  universe!  help  us 
to  make  this  boy  a  good  man,  an  honest  man,  a  God- 
loving,  conscientious  man — a  man  fitted  to  do  Thy  highest 
work  for  his  fellow-man.  This,  O  Lord,  we  ask  Thee  in 
Thy  name.  Amen." 

This  mental  prayer  being  offered  up,  Madame  Junk  pro 
ceeded  to  put  rice  in  the  broth,  which  had  been  boiling 
briskly  for  the  last  half  hour.  This  done,  she  sat  down  to 
mend  Joel's  coat.  She  thought  it  best  to  let  the  boy  sleep 
until  everything  was  ready.  For  some  moments  her  mind 


38  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

had  been  dwelling  on  Joel's  probable  future.  Glancing  up 
she  saw  Joel  sitting  up  in  bed  with  a  look  of  fright  on  his 
face. 

"  What  is  the  matter,  Joel?" 

"  I  have  had  such  a  bad  dream,  mother." 

"  "What  is  it?"  asked  Madame  Junk  eagerly — (she  believed 
in  dreams). 

"  I  thought  I  and  you  was  coming  through  dark  woods, 
and  as  we  was  walking  along  I  saw  a  big  wildcat  right 
over  our  heads  in  a  tree.  Its  eyes  looked  like  balls  of  fire; 
it  was  just  ready  to  jump  down  on  us,  and  you  said,  'Let's 
run — it  will  destroy  us;'  and  I  said,  '  Oh  pshaw!  I  can  kill 
that/  Then  the  cat  jumped  on  me  and  began  scratching 
my  face;  and  you  took  hold  of  its  jaws  and  split  its  mouth 
right  open.  And  then  we  walked  on  and  on,  through  this 
dark  woods.  It  was  full  of  wild  animals,  and  they  wanted 
to  kill  us;  but  I  took  hold  of  your  hand;  you  told  me  that 
while  I  had  hold  of  your  hand  they  could  not  hurt  me. 
Then  we  came  to  a  great  muddy  stream  of  water.  Then 
there  was  no  way  to  cross;  and  you  said  we  must  wait  and 
put  our  trust  in  God,  and  he  will  help  us.  While  you  was 
talking,  the  water  began  to  turn  a  nice  blue,  and  we  saw  a 
ship  coming  with  very  white  sails,  and  I  was  so  glad  it 
woke  me  up.  But  I  can't  forget  that  nasty  cat  with  eyes 
like  fire." 

Madame  Junk  leaned  forward  and  looked  solemn. 

"Joel,  the  dream  is  significant." 

"  What  is  significant,  mother?  I  don't  know  that  word." 

"  The  dream  has  a  meaning." 

"  I  should  think  it  had,  by  the  way  that  cat  flew  at  me." 

Madame  Junk  told  Joel  to  change  his  clothing,  and  she 
would  prepare  the  broth.  It  was  turned  into  a  small  tin 
pail,  a  brass  strainer  was  placed  inside  a  quart  bowl,  and 
this  with  a  spoon  was  done  up  in  a  paper. 

"  Joel,  you  say  to  the  turnkey  that  your  mother  requests 
him  to  strain  this  broth,  and  not  put  his  hand  in  it.  I 


BROTH    FOR   THE    SICK.  39 

think  this  strainer  will  catch  all  the  files  and  saws  there  are 
in  it.  Besides/'  she  muttered  to  herself  in  an  undertone, 
"I  don't  think  pork  is  good  for  sick  people."  The  word 
pork  was  not  spoken  low  enough  to  prevent  Joel  from  hear 
ing  it. 

"Say  that  over  again,  mother;  I  would  just  like  to  tell 
the  old  whelp  that." 

"You  tell  him,  Joel,  just  what  I  have  said,"  replied 
Madame  Junk,  "and  that  will  do."  She  opened  the  door 
and  walked  down  the  steps,  before  trusting  the  broth  to 
Joel's  hand.  "  I  must  really  begin  to  look  after  that  boy's 
education,"  thought  Madame  Junk;  "he  is  using  very  bad 
grammar,  and  it  is  time  he  began  his  studies." 

' '  You  here  again,  you  little  imp  ?"  said  the  jailer.  ' '  "Well, 
I  shan't  let  you  in.  I  have  no  orders  to  let  you  in  but  once 
a  day.  You  can  just  tramp,  Joe  Junk." 

"  Mother  sent  some  broth  for  Dick  Spencer." 

"I  don't  care  for  Dick  Spencer,  or  your  mother  either. 
I  know  one  thing,  your  mother  and  you  make  me  more 
trouble  than  all  the  prisoners  put  together.  I  don't  know 
why  your  mother  must  allers  be  sticking  her  nose  into  my 
dish." 

"  Will  you  let  me  in,  Sir?  I  did  not  come  here  to  hear 
you  talk  about  my  mother!"  and  Joel's  eyes  flashed;  there 
came  over  his  face  an  expression  of  command  that  made 
the  jailer  start. 

"No-sir-ee!  you  can  tramp;  don't  get  in  until  to-morrow 
morning,  when  it  is  time  to  bring  the  papers."  The  boy 
walked  out.  What  transpired  will  show  that  he  was  not  to 
be  defeated  so  easy.  The  Sheriff's  office  was  about  half  a 
block  distant  from  the  jail.  Joel,  with  his  bucket  of  broth, 
made  directly  for  that  gentleman's  office. 

"  Are  you  the  Sheriff?"  said  Joel,  stepping  in  with  as 
much  freedom  as  if  he  had  a  desperate  case  of  execution  for 
the  Sheriff  to  perform. 

The  Sheriff  whirled  about  in  his  chair.  "  What  do  you 
wish,  my  son  ?" 


4O  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"  Well,  my  mother  made  some  nice  broth  for  Dick  Spen 
cer;  he  is  awful  sick  in  the  jail.  I  guess  he  will  die." 

"  Well,  boy,  what  can  I  do  about  it  ?"  said  the  Sheriff. 

"  Why,  you  can  give  me  an  order  to  get  in." 

11  Is  that  all?  Come  along."  The  Sheriff  took  his  hat 
and  cane,  and  walked  down  to  the  jail  with  Joel.  When 
the  jailer  saw  them  coming  he  began  fixing  his  face  into  a 
hypocritical  grin. 

' '  Why  didn't  you  let  this  boy  in  with  the  broth  for  a  sick 
man  ?" 

"  Well,  you  see  I  didn't  know  what  he  might  have  on  the 
bottom  of  the  dish.  You  know,  Sheriff,  a  lot  of  these  fel 
lows  gave  us  the  slip  once  just  in  this  way." 

"  You  might  know,"  spoke  up  Joel,  "  for  you  allers  put 
your  hand  in;  but  this  time  mother  has  sent  a  strainer  that 
will  catch  all  the  files  and  saws.  Mother  thinks  pork  ain't 
good  for  sick  folks." 

The  corners  of  the  Sheriff's  mouth  began  to  relax,  and  he 
seemed  to  have  immediate  use  for  his  pocket  handkerchief, 
with  which  he  rubbed  his  mouth  in  the  vain  attempt  to  rub 
out  a  laugh. 

"  Where  do  you  live,  my  boy?" 

"  Over  yonder,"  said  Joel,  nodding  his  head  this  way  and 
that. 

"  Have  you  a  father  ?" 

"  Not  that  I  know  of." 

"  Well,  I  suppose  you  have  a  name  ?" 

"  My  mother  calls  me  Joel,  and  the  rest  of  the  folks  call 
me  Joe  Junk." 

"  Do  you  go  to  school  ?" 

"  Can  I  set  this  dish  of  broth  on  the  stove  ?  It  is  getting 
cold,  and  Mr.  Spencer  is  awful  sick." 

"  That  is  right,  my  son;  heat  the  broth,  and  take  it  in. 
See  here,  turnkey;  when  this  boy  comes  again  with  any 
thing  for  the  sick,  you  let  him  in.  I  see  that  this  boy's 
mother  is  a  Christian  person,  and  trying  to  do  all  the  good 


BROTH    FOR    THE    SICK.  41 

she  can."  With  this  last  injunction,  he  walked  away,  think 
ing  to  himself,  ' '  Mighty  bright  boy !" 

Joel  took  the  warm  broth,  and  followed  the  sulky  turnkey 
down  the  corridor  until  he  caine  to  Dick  Spencer's  cell. 

"Do  you  want  to  go  in?"  said  the  turnkey. 

"Yes,  I  should  if  it  will  make  no  difference  to  you." 

As  the  turnkey  was  unlocking  the  cell  door  he  looked 
over  his  shoulder  at  Joel. 

"Look  ahere,  boy;  you  can  stay  just  twenty  minutes. 
The  doctor  thinks  this  feller's  shamming  just  to  get  up 
sympathy  when  his  trial  comes  off." 

"  Is  that  you,  Joe  Junk?"  moaned  Dick. 

"Yes,  Dick;  mother  has  sent  you  some  broth.  I  guess 
it  will  make  you  well;  there  is  pretty  nigh  a  whole  sheep 
in  it." 

"God  bless  your  mother!  I  am  far  from  mine."  He 
pushed  himself  up,  and  Joel  held  the  bowl  of  broth  to  his 
mouth.  He  tasted  a  mouthful  or  so.  "It  is  very  nice, 
Joe;  but  I  cannot  eat.  Joe,  can  you  remember  good?" 

"  I  should  think  so;  that  ain't  a  very  hard  word  to  re 
member." 

"Joe,  if  I  never  see  you  again — " 

"Goin'away,  Dick?" 

"  Yes,  Joe;  I  shall  soon  go  a  long  journey." 

"  Do  you  know  the  folks  there  ?  Was  you  ever  there  be 
fore?"  The  boy  understood  what  the  man  referred  to,  but 
was  like  many  an  older  person  who  thinks  he  is  doing  a 
very  kind  act  by  laughing  death  out  of  countenance. 

"Got  a  pencil,  Joe?"  Joel  fumbled  about  among  a 
budget  in  his  pocket  and  brought  to  light  a  blunt  stump, 
which  he  handed  to  Dick. 

"  Now,  Joe,  just  give  me  the  margin  on  that  newspaper/' 

"  Give  you  what  ?"  said  Joe. 

"  The  white  edge  on  that  paper." 

"Oh!" 

Joel  took  the  paper  in  his  hand,  folded  down  the  margin, 


42  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

run  his  tongue  the  length  of  the  paper  and  separated  the 
white  edge. 

"  There  now,  Dick/'  said  Joe;  "  I  will  put  my  head  down 
so,  and  you  can  make  a  nice  writing-desk  of  my  back. 
There  now,  ain't  that  comfortable?  Just  sing  out  when 
you've  got  your  letter  writ,  and  your  desk  will  get  out  of 
the  way." 

It  was  with  difficulty  poor  Dick  wrote,  even  with  this 
commodious  portable  desk.  When  he  had  finished  he 
rolled  it  up  into  a  small  wad.  Handing  it  to  Joel,  he  told 
him  he  must  be  careful  not  to  lose  it. 

"  Go  right  home  and  give  it  to  your  mother." 

"But  you  know  old  Shuteye  has  to  see  everything  in 
my  pocket.  Hold  on!  I'll  fix  the  old  coon  this  time,"  said 
Joel  in  a  whisper.  He  took  a  small  piece  of  paper  and 
rolled  the  written  slip  up  very  compact,  and  tucking  it  way 
back  in  the  corner  of  his  mouth,  just  over  the  wisdom 
tooth  (or  where  it  would  be,  for  Joel  had  not  yet  cut  his), 
closed  his  mouth,  patted  his  cheek,  and  asked  Dick  if  he 
looked  as  if  he  had  the  toothache. 

"No;  I  should  not  notice  anything.  Joe,  I  want  to  say 
one  word  to  you:  Keep  good  company." 

"Then  I  shall  have  to  stop  coming  here  every  morning 
with  papers." 

"Joe,  this  may  be  a  lesson  to  you.  "When  you  see  the 
pitfalls  where  others  have  fallen,  you  will  go  around  them." 

"  Is  there  any  wus  folks  in  the  world  than  in  this  jail  ?" 

"  Yes,  Joe,  I  think  so;  but  they  are  not  found  out.  Tell 
your  mother  everything,  Joe.  If  any  one  tells  you  to 
do  wrong,  go  to  your  mother  with  it.  If  there  is  anything 
under  God's  heavens  that  will  not  bear  the  light  of  day, 
tell  your  mother,  Joe;  tell  your  mother.  If  I  could  speak 
to  every  boy  in  the  world,  I  would  tell  them  to  confide  in 
their  mothers. " 

"  But  every  boy  hain't  got  a  mother,"  said  Joe. 

"  Well,  there  is  always  good  women  enough  that  a  boy 
can  trust." 


PRINCIPLES   TO    DIE    BY.  43 

"  I  don't  know,"  replied  Joe,  reflectively.  "  Dick,  you 
talk  kind  of  shaky  like.  Has  the  doctor  been  in  ?" 

"No." 

"  Well,  if  old  Slmteye  thinks  he  is  going  to  have  every 
thing  his  way,  he's  fooled." 

The  keys  rattled  in  the  lock,  the  door  opened,  and  old 
Shuteye  bellowed  out,  "  Joe  Junk,  be  moving!" 

Joe  tipped  his  old  felt  hat  to  one  side,  so  that  it  almost 
rested  on  one  ear,  the  brim  quite  covering  the  wisdom 
tooth. 

When  the  outside  door  was  closed,  the  jailer  looked  in 
the  bowl  and  other  dishes.  "Turn  your  pockets  out,  Joe 
Junk!"  This  he  did  willingly.  Some  strings  and  a  soiled 
handkerchief  were  all  there  was  to  be  found.  "  Begone!" 
but  before  the  jailer  had  finished  the  word,  Joe  was  off. 

We  may  as  well  inform  our  readers  why  the  jailer  so  dis 
liked  Joel.  We  can  do  so  in  a  few  brief  words :  the  boy  in 
terfered  with  his  perquisites. 

Madame  Junk,  having  great  influence  with  the  Church, 
had,  through  it,  secured  the  privilege  of  Joel's  taking  papers 
to  the  prisoners  every  morning.  She  never  stopped  to  con 
sider  this  was  a  self-imposed  duty.  One  not  acquainted 
with  her  religious  fervor  would  have  thought  she  was  real 
izing  a  handsome  profit,  so  punctual  was  she  in  the  dis 
charge  of  this  duty. 

Once  out,  Joel  took  the  quid  from  over  his  wisdom  tooth, 
and  set  out  to  make  the  Sheriff  another  call.  He  found  that 
functionary  busy  with  two  gentlemen. 

"  What!  back  so  soon?"  said  the  Sheriff.  "  We  must  try 
and  elect  you  for  our  next  Mayor. " 

"  If  I  was  the  Mayor  there  would  be  some  different  doings 
round  here." 

"  What's  the  matter  now,  my  little  man  ?" 

"I  come  down,"  said  Joe,  "  to  see  if  Mr.  Dick  Spencer 
had  been  reported  on  the  sick-list." 

"  Who  told  you  that  Mr.  Spencer  had  not  been  re 
ported?" 


44  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

<c  I  told  me  so.     I  have  just  been  in,  and  I  know." 

' '  How  is  this  ?  "  said  the  Sheriff,  turning  to  the  gentleman 
with  whom  he  was  just  speaking,  for  it  was  the  surgeon 
of  the  county  jail.  "  This  thing  must  be  looked  into." 

"  I  was  in  to-day  and  the  turnkey  told  me  that  Spencer 
had  a  fit  of  the  dumps.  I  gave  it  no  particular  attention. 
I  know  that  persons  frequently  have  these  spells  just  before 
their  trial.  The  chances  are  against  this  fellow.  He  will, 
in  all  probability,  be  sent  up  for  a  term  of  years.  But  I 
will  look  after  the  case  immediately."  And  while  he  spoke 
he  drew  from  his  pocket  a  half  dollar  and  reached  it  toward 
Joe.  Joe  looked  up  into  the  surgeon's  face  and  asked, 

"What's  that  for?" 

"  Why,  boy,  it  is  for  you." 

"I  don't  want  it!" 

"You  are  devilish  proud  for  one  so  poor." 

"  I'm  not  a  city  official,  Sir,  or  I  might  take  it.  I  get  my 
living  in  another  sort  of  a  way.  And  my  mother  told  me 
'tain't  right  to  take  a  favor  from  a  person  without  I  can  see 
some  way  to  return  it."  Saying  this,  Joel  left  the  office. 

The  gentlemen  exchanged  significant  looks.  The  Sheriff 
said: 

"  I  would  like  to  see  that  boy's  mother." 

"  I  have  seen  her  often,"  replied  the  surgeon.  "  She  is 
a  half-insane  religious  fanatic.  Concludes  it  is  her  duty 
to  redeem  mankind.  Everything  she  does  has  more  or  less 
of  the  Virgin  Mary  about  it." 

"Is  she  a  Catholic?" 

"No!  The  devil  may  tell  what  she  is.  She  always  at 
tends  Dr.  S 's  church,  and  I  am  told  has  great  influence 

in  all  charitable  works." 

"Has  she  money?" 

c '  No !  I  don't  know  how  she  lives.  I  suppose  the  boy 
earns  something." 

"Well,"  said  the  Sheriff,  "she  has  taught  that  boy  a 
good  set  of  principles." 

"  Yes;  they  may  do  to  die  by,  but  will  not  do  to  live  by." 


CHAPTER    VI. 

A  GOOD  DINNER    WINS  THE  HEART— DOUBTFUL  PRO 
GENITORS. 

WE  left  Kate  Glewer  bustling  about  her  little  house. 
A  woman  is  very  certain  to  reach  her  husband's 
heart  if  she  goes  via  the  stomach.  Indeed,  we  know  it  is 
the  only  safe  route  there  is.  Mrs.  Kate  Glewer  brought  out 
a  clean  table-cloth  with  napkins — and  that  was  not  the  day 
for  a  clean  table-cloth  either.  She  dressed  herself  with 
unusual  care;  placed  fresh  flowers  in  the  vases;  drew  the 
shades  of  the  windows  down  just  to  that  point  which  gives 
a  quiet  light  and  makes  everything  look  orderly. 

We  declare  to  you,  reader,  as  we  look  in  on  that  home, 
we  do  not  see  how  any  man  could  have  more  comfort.  But 
Tom  is  very  like  the  rest  of  mankind — and  womankind  too — 
the  more  they  have  the  more  they  want. 

"Going  to  have  company,  Kate?"  said  Tom,  looking 
about  as  he  entered  the  house. 

"  No  one  but  you,  Tom." 

"Everything  looks  so  sort  of  fixey.  I  didn't  know  but 
you  expected  company.  I  made  a  sale  to-day  to  some  folks 
up  country,"  said  Tom,  as  he  went  on  lathering  his  hands 
with  soap. 

"  That  is  good,"  replied  Kate,  dishing  up  the  joint  and 
sundries,  and  arranging  them  on  the  table  to  the  best  pos 
sible  advantage.  "  I  thought  you  must  have  had  good  luck 
to-day,  you  look  so  good-natured." 

"  Not  much  luck;  still  a  little  better  than  it  has  been  for  a 
few  weeks." 


46  MADAME    JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"Everything  is  ready  now,  Tom/' 

"Yes,  I'll  be  there;  let  me  snag  out  my  wool  a  little/3 
said  Tom,  as  he  stood  xbefore  the  glass  combing  his  hair. 

They  were  soon  seated  at  the  table  facing  each  other. 
Kate  lifted  the  soup-tureen  cover  and  handed  Tom  a  dish 
of  savory  soup,  which  he  ladled  up  to  his  mouth  in  a  man 
ner  that  testified  more  for  the  goodness  of  the  soup  than  a 
hundred  words  of  praise  would  have  done. 

The  soup  finished,  Kate  brought  on  a  boiled  trout  with 
butter  sauce.  This,  also,  passed  the  same  scathing  criti 
cism.  Then  came  the  mutton  with  caper  sauce;  and  pota 
toes  so  nicely  prepared,  they  looked  more  like  a  pyramid  of 
white  cream  than  a  dish  of  potatoes.  This,  with  all  the 
little  entrees  that  go  to  make  up  a  good  dinner  without  be 
ing  extravagant,  were  forthcoming.  Kate  took  Tom's  wine 
glass,  gave  it  an  extra  rub — although  it  was  as  bright  as 
glass  could  be — and  turned  out  his  claret.  Little  or  no 
conversation  was  carried  on  during  this  course.  When 
finished,  Kate  removed  the  dishes  and  brought  from  the 
oven  a  warm  mince-pie,  and  such  a  pie  as  only  an  American- 
born  woman  can  make. 

"  Kate,  that  pie  is  prime,"  signified  Tom,  as  well  as  he 
could  with  his  mouth  full.  Next  in  order  was  a  delicious 
cup  of  coffee,  whose  aroma  could  be  smelt  around  the  next 
corner  of  the  street,  if  one  can  smell  around  a  corner.  As 
she  handed  Tom  his  large  china  cup  filled  with  this  exhil 
arating  beverage,  she  asked  him  if  he  would  have  cognac  in 
it.  Tom  thought  he  would  have  a  few  drops.  This  was 
handed  him.  Then  she  went  into  the  next  room,  and 
opened  a  drawer,  where  Tom  kept  his  "promiscuosities." 
She  was  after  a  cigar.  This  she  found,  and  handed  it  to 
Tom,  who  began  to  look  ruddy  after  he  had  taken  a  few 
swallows  of  his  coffee. 

Kate  wondered  if  it  was  time  to  begin.  "  No,  I  think  I 
will  let  him  drink  it  all  first,  and  smoke  a  little  way  on  his 
cigar." 


ADOPTING    A    CHILD.  47 

There  is  always  an  unpleasant  dread  in  approaching 
things  which  we  are  uncertain  about;  we  are  all  anxiety  to 
know,  and  yet  we  fear  to  know. 

Tom  had  whiffed  away  at  his  cigar  some  five  minutes. 
Kate  ventured  out, 

"Tom!" 

"  Well,  Kate,  what  is  it?" 

' c  I  have  been  thinking  for  a  long  time  how  nice  it  would 
be  for  us  to  adopt  a  child." 

"I'm  thinking  you  are  out  of  your  head.  This  all  comes 
from  visiting  orphan  asylums.  How  the  devil  do  you  think 
we  can  take  care  of  a  child?  Oh,  I  know  you  are  crazy! 
How  do  you  think  we  can  take  care  of  a  child  when  we  can 
only  just  scrape  along  now  ?" 

"  I  would  not  ask  you  to  clothe  it,  Tom." 

"  'Sposen  you  didn't,  I  should  have  to  board  it." 

"  We  always  have  more  than  we  can  eat,  and  could  easily 
keep  a  child." 

"  But  it  would  be  robbing  the  dog,  and  that  I  won't  allow. 
Besides,  who  wants  to  take  in  the  riffraff?  Who'd  know 
who  its  father  was  ?  He  might  be  a  horse-thief  for  all  we 
could  tell,  and  the  child  grow  up  like  him.  When  I  act  as 
a  father  to  a  child,  I  shall  be  its  father;  it  must  be  my 
own." 

' c  But,  Tom,  would  it  not  be  our  own,  if  we  should  adopt 
it,  and  there  was  no  one  to  say,  why  do  ye  so  ?  Besides, 
what  you  say  about  the  child's  father  being  a  horse-thief." 
(Kate  smiled  a  little  smile  at  the  thought  of  this  objection.) 
"Don't  you  think  we  could  bring  it  up  so  there  would  be  no 
chance  of  its  following  in  the  footsteps  of  its  father  ?  The 
father  might  be  as  good  a  man  as  you  are.  The  poor  mis 
guided  mother  may  have  hoped  that  some  trustworthy  per 
sons  like  ourselves  would  adopt  her  child." 

As  Kate  said  this,  she  looked  up,  and  Tom's  eyes  gave  a 
little  nervous  twitch.  He  did  not  speak  for  a  moment; 
when  he  did  it  was  as  follows : 


48  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"  Well!  I  should  think  you  had  it  all  cut  and  dried.  Do 
you  know  of  any  such  case  ?" 

«N— No!   b-u-tl " 

"  But  what?" 

"  I  know  one  of  the  brightest  little  fellows,  about  four 
years  old,  that  you  ever  saw." 

"Bah,"  said  Tom.  He  wanted  to  ask  questions,  but 
thought  it  best  to  restrain  his  curiosity.  He  believed  there 
was  danger  in  asking  questions  even  more  than  in  answer 
ing  them.  Besides,  he  understood  enough  of  women  to 
know  that  it  would  all  come  out  in  good  time. 

"  This  child  is  in  the  Orphan  Asylum;  has  been  there 
ever  since  he  was  a  baby — left  a  few  hours  after  he  was 
born." 

"Yes,  that  is  all  very  well;  but  I  don't  want  him." 

"  How  do  you  know?  You  haven't  seen  him  yet.  Tom, 
do  let  me  bring  him  over." 

"No!  the  next  thing  you  will  want  will  be  to  have  him 
stay,  and  I  am  not  to  be  caught  in  any  trap  of  that  sort." 

"  Tom,  please  do  let  me  bring  him  over." 

"  What  is  the  use,"  said  Tom,  "  of  saying  no?  If  I  say 
no  a  thousand  times,  you  will  twist  and  manage  to  make  it 
appear  that  I  have  said  yes,  and  you  will  bring  the  young 
whelp  whether  or  no." 

"  There,  Tom,  that's  a  dear,  good  fellow.  I  thought  you 
would  give  your  consent." 

"  Who  has  said  consent?     I  haven't." 

"  But  I  saw  it  in  your  eyes." 

Kate  arose  and  ran  half  way  across  the  room,  looking 
back  over  her  shoulder  in  a  playful  way,  as  you  have  seen  a 
child  of  eight  or  ten  years  pick  up  a  stone  and  make  a  feint 
to  throw  it  at  her  playmate.  "Now  I  am  going  to  throw. 
Now  look  out,  it  is  coming!  Now  then!  Now  you  are 
hit!"  Thus  she  worries  in  a  playful  way  the  child  until  it 
does  not  know  what  moment  it  will  come;  or  if  it  will  come 
at  all.  Tom  was  just  in  this  fix  when  Kate  said,  "  I  am 


A    FOUR-YEAR-OLD    BABY.  49 

going  to  bring  him;  I  am  going  to  bring  him,  Tom."  But 
she  did  not  Add,  as  perhaps  she  might  have  done  effectively, 
''Look  out  now,  you  are  going  to  be  hit.'5 

Tom  dodged  the  supposed  missile  by  saying,  "I  don't 
give  my  consent." 

1  'But  you  look  it,  and  that  will  answer  me/'  Kate 
wished  the  conversation  to  change  at  this  point,  so  she 
began  to  rattle  away  at  her  work  and  sing  a  little  lullaby 
to  restore  harmony — and  may  be  to  get  herself  in  tune  for 
the  coming  four-year-old  baby. 


CHAPTEE    VII. 

A  HE  A  VY  WOMAN  IN  A  JUNKY  LINE. 

ON  a  narrow  by-street  in  the  city  of  San  Francisco 
stands  an  old-time  house — one  of  the  old ,  forty- 
niners.  Over  the  door  of  this  house  is  a  large  board  sign 
with  a  molding  around  the  outer  edge.  Upon  the  black 
background  are  yellow  letters,  which  read:  "Jonas  Pict- 
pink;  old  clothes  bought  and  sold  here."  As  you  enter, 
the  first  thing  that  greets  the  eye  is  Mrs.  Pictpink.  The 
thought  instantly  occurs  to  your  mind,  how  much  more 
appropriate  the  letter  S  would  be  at  the  beginning  of  the 
last  syllable  in  her  name.  Mr.  Pictpink  is  not  at  home 
through  the  day.  Mrs.  Pictpink  will  tell  you,  if  you  in 
quire,  that  her  husband  is  out  "mit  pusiness."  But  Mrs. 
P.  is  in,  and  to  tell  you  the  truth,  she  is  equal  to  half  a 
dozen  like  her  husband,  Jonas  Pictpink,  in  the  old-clothes 
line.  She  is  an  extensive  woman;  and  as  she  figures  to 
some  extent  with  us,  we  think  it  best,  in  taking  an  inventoiy 
of  her  wares,  to  begin  with  the  biggest  thing  first.  This 
woman  would,  without  doubt,  weigh  between  two  and  three 
hundred.  Her  stiff  black  hair  grew  low  down  over  the 
forehead.  Her  eyes  were  small,  black,  and  glittering. 
The  end  of  her  nose  was  abrupt,  and  what  is  commonly 
known  as  a  stub-nose.  The  wide  mouth  and  thick  rolling 
under-lip,  with  chin  much  too  long  to  be  in  harmony  with 
the  rest  of  the  face,  all  this  combined,  made  up  a  face  too 
brutal  to  be  human.  If  she  belonged  to  my  nation  I  would 
not  own  her;  therefore  I  have  not  the  heart  to  pitch  her 
back  over  the  heads  of  her  people 


BOUGHT   AT   LIVING    PRICES.  51 

Stretched  the  length  of  this  shop  was  a  rude  counter, 
made  of  unplaned  boards.  Placed  on  the  end  of  the 
counter  toward  the  door  is  a  mountain  of  coats,  folded  a  la 
merchant  tailor;  coats  of  every  grade  in  material,  from  the 
finest  broadcloth  to  the  roughest  tweed;  coats  that  would 
answer  a  dandy  convict,  or  a  negro  whitewasher  in  the 
employ  of  the  Government.  To  match  these  coats  are 
pantaloons,  vests,  shirts,  hats,  shoes,  suspenders,  and  every 
identical  thing  a  man  could  want  to  fit  out  a  complete 
wardrobe — even  down  to  a  pocket  handkerchief,  and  that 
could  be  silk,  if  he  wished  it. 

Over  the  counter,  and  hanging  in  exact  space,  were 
dresses  There  were  silks  and  ten-cent  prints.  To  match 
these  dresses,  Mrs.  Pictpink  would  show  you  everything 
that  went  to  make  up  a  woman's  wardrobe;  a  wardrobe 
that  would  answer  some  classes  of  ambition,  even  down  to 
Mrs.  Pictpink  herself.  All  this  side  was  devoted  to  cloth 
ing.  On  the  other  side  were  bits  of  iron,  broken  coffee 
pots,  lamps,  files,  saws,  a  few  pieces  of  crockery,  and  all 
sorts  of  trumpery.  At  the  back  end  of  this  store  was  an 
other  room;  but  that  was  private — that  is,  whoever  went  in 
must  be  a  sworn  friend  of  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Pictpink,  or  they 
must  be  presented  by  a  sworn  friend,  or  able  to  give  the 
countersign.  It  might  have  been  a  lodge  for  Freemasons, 
for  all  an  ordinary  visitor  knew. 

"I  will  give  you  five  cents  a  pound/'  said  Madame  Junk; 
"  for  you  see,  my  good  friend,  I  am  buying  them  to  make 
over  for  the  poor." 

"  Vat  ish  dish  you  dinks?  Vivezent  for  dose  coats?  Veil, 
Mam!  petter  it  ish  I  shust  geves  dem  you." 

"Oh  no!  my  good  woman;  I  do  not  wish  you  to  give 
them  to  me,  I  only  wish  you  to  sell  them  at  living  prices." 

"  Veil,  vas  calls  you  living  brices  ?  I  will  let  you  dem 
seven  zent,  and  no  one  bit  more." 

"  AVhat!  not  if  I  take  a  dozen  of  each  ?" 

"Vas  calls  you  ich." 


52  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

"  Why,  a  dozen  coats,  a  dozen  hats,  and  a  dozen  of  every 
thing  that  men  wear." 

Mrs.  Pictpink  looked  penetratingly  at  Mrs.  Junk.  "  Geves 
you  dish  alls  to  de  boor  beoples  ?" 

"  Yes;  every  iota  of  it." 

"  Dish  ist  bretty  pig  pusiness  mit  der  boor  beoples." 
And  Mrs.  Pictpink  eyed  Madame  Junk  over  and  over. 

"  No,"  she  thought  to  herself,  "  this  woman  cannot  be  in 
the  same  business  as  I  am." 

"  Veil,  den  dakes  you  a  dozen  of  ich  seven  zent  bound?" 

"  Will  you  send  them  to  my  house  ?" 

"  Ven  comes  my  man  py  me.  Yare  ist  der  blace  mit  you 
sthay  ?" 

Madame  Junk  gave  her  the  right  direction,  and  bowing 
in  a  patronizing  way,  she  walked  out.  "What  depraved 
parents  that  woman  must  have  been  born  of!"  thought 
Madame  Junk.  "Poor  thing!  she  is  not  to  blame  for  her 
nature.  Her  parents  were  to  blame,  and  her  parents'  par 
ents  before  them."  From  this  biblical  standpoint  she 
could  find  an  excuse  for  the  shortcomings  of  all  those  whom 
she  came  in  contact  with. 


CHAPTEE  VIII. 

EAGS  AND  ROWS— HOME,  SWEET  HOME. 

,"  JANE!  JANE!  Ho  there !  Jane  Junk.  What  the  devil 
^J  are  you  about  ?  Take  those  rags  off  from  that  line 
hinstanter!  "We  are  to  'ave  'ightoned  company  to-day, 
and  the  yard  looks  as  if  a  city  scavenger  lived  'ere,  instead 
of  a  respectable  citizen/' 

The  reader  may  wish  to  know  who  it  is  bellowing  in  such 
a  vehement  way  for  Madame  Junk  to  take  those  rags  off 
that  line.  It  is  no  great  secret,  for  almost  every  one  knows 
Samuel  Blower,  Esq.  Samuel  Blower,  Esq.,  was  an  Eng 
lishman,  and,  when  in  his  own  country,  belonged  to  the 
serfs.  It  had  been  hinted  by  those  who  claim  to  know, 
that  before  Samuel  Blower  came  to  America,  he  had  lived 
on  the  little  end  of  nothing  whittled  down  to  a  fine  point. 
Be  that  as  it  may,  Mr.  Blower  was  never  done  giving 
America  and  all  Americans  particular  fits.  He  was  well-to- 
do  now,  and  it  was  quite  natural  that  he  should  forget  the 
past.  Samuel  Blower  lived  in  his  own  'ouse  now,  and  was 
married  to  Madame  Junk's  sister  Betsy.  Samuel  Blower, 
Esq. ,  used  to  say  that  he  had  been  all  through  our  late  civil 
war,  and  had  come  out  without  our  late  civil  war  going 
through  him.  It  is  true  he  served  in  the  civil  war,  and 
at  the  expiration  of  it  came  out  with  a  haversack.  Why 
we  mention  the  haversack  is  because  it  plays  almost  as 
conspicuous  a  part  in  Samuel  Blower's  matrimonial  career 
as  did  Samuel  himself.  We  have  told  you  about  a  house 
which  stood  in  front  of  Madame  Junk's  room.  Well,  this 
is  where  Samuel  Blower  and  his  wife  Betsy  live.  You  will 


54  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

not  require  to  make  more  than  one  call  before  you  learn 
whose  "  'ouse"  it  is.  Since  the  war  closed,  Mr.  Blower  had 
put  by,  in  clean  cash,  a  snug  little  sum  for  future  rainy 
days.  Samuel  was  prudent,  very  prudent.  Every  morning, 
before  leaving  his  "  'ouse,"  he  placed  three  matches  on  the 
table  for  Betsy's  use.  It  was  in  vain  for  Mrs.  Blower  to 
hint  that  one  or  two  of  those  matches  might  miss  fire.  She 
was  told  that  she  must  be  careful  that  they  did  not. 
Samuel's  mother  had  always  regulated  herself  to  three 
matches  per  day,  and  it  was  a  great  note  if  his  wife  could 
not  do  the  same. 

.  Madame  Junk  had  agreed  to  pay  the  rent  of  this  room 
by  working  for  her  sister  on  washing  day,  and  general 
cleaning  day,  which  came  twice  a  week;  for  Mrs.  Blower 
was  as  far  one  way  as  Madame  Junk  was  the  other  way. 
Thus  it  was  that  extremes  met  in  this  family.  At  the  open 
ing  of  this  chapter  Madame  Junk  had  just  finished  clean 
ing  a  parcel  of  old  clothes  and  had  hung  them  on  her  sis 
ter's  line  to  air. 

True,  callers  might  have  thought  Samuel's  wardrobe  large; 
but  that  fact  would  not  have  attracted  so  much  attention  as 
the  selection  of  it,  for  some  of  these  coats  were  antiquated 
in  their  make-up.  Whatever  Samuel  Blower's  faults  may 
be,  the  reader  cannot  blame  him  for  wishing  to  have  those 
rags  removed  from  the  line,  When  Samuel  went  into  his 
' '  'ouse ' '  he  asked  his  wife  what  hunder  the  'eavens  and 
earth  her  sister  was  going  to  do  with  all  that  truck  on  the 
line. 

"  The  Lord  may  tell,"  replied  the  wife;  "  she  may  be  go 
ing  to  dress  up  a  gang  of  Mexican  bandits  for  all  I  know. 
It  would  be  just  like  one  of  her  capers." 

"Poh!  poh!  There  is  no  Mexican  bandit  nor  hany 
hother  that  would  wear  such  duds." 

"Do  you  know,"  said  Mrs.  Blower,  "  she  has  a  great  bag 
ful  of  hats,  and  she  keeps  a  jugful  of  logwood  dye.  She 
dips  a  brush  in  this  and  brushes  them  over  a  few  times,  and 
really  some  of  them  look  quite  well." 


GIVING    TO    THE    POOR.  55 

"That  is  strange  they  should  look  well  after  dying." 
Both  laughed  softly  at  this  last  remark. 

"  And  I  actually  think  she  has  a  cord  of  old  boots  and 
shoes.  Just  the  other  day  there  was  a  little  nigger  boy  in 
front  of  the  house  who  had  on  a  pair  of  boots  some  man 
had  thrown  away.  I  saw  Jane  leaning  over  the  fence  scan 
ning  the  boy's  feet.  I  heard  her  say,  '  My  boy,  are  those 
the  best  boots  you  have?'  c  Yeth,  mum.5  'Come  in 
here/  said  Jane,  c  and  I  will  give  you  a  better  pair.'  In 
about  ten  minutes  I  saw  him  going  out  with  a  very  good- 
looking  pair  of  boots  on.  If  ever  you  saw  a  happy  nigger 
he  was  one.  He  was  one  big  grin,  and  you  could  have  seen 
his  teeth  half  a  mile." 

"Let  me  catch  a  nigger  in  the  yard  of  my  'ouse  and 
I'll  boot  him.  'Eavens  and  earth!  that  woman  will  toll  a 
set  around  my  'ouse  that  will  steal  a  man's  heye-teeth 
hout  of  'is  'ead." 

At  the  word  teeth  Mrs.  Blower  clapped  her  hand  to  her 
mouth  to  feel  if  her  false  set  was  gone,  but  they  were  there, 
and  her  tongue  too. 

"  But  look  here,  Samuel,  if  this  should  get  out,  that  we 
refuse  to  allow  Jane  to  be  charitable  and  give  a  poor  negro 
boy  a  pair  of  old  boots  it  might  hurt  your  business.  And 
oh!  I  would  not  for  the  world  it  should  get  into  the 
church;"  and  Mrs.  Blower  clasped  her  hands  with  holy 
horror.  "  I  could  never  hold  up  my  head  again.  I  could 
never  look  Dr.  S.  in  the  face.  It  was  only  last  Sabbath  he 
took  for  his  text,  '  Giving  to  the  poor  is  lending  to  the 
Lord.'"  (Mrs.  Blower  grew  quite  animated.)  "How 
well  he  handled  the  subject!  He  said  we  must  give  them 
something  beside  money  and  clothes  ;  we  must  give  them 
religion  and  education.  "We  must  develop  the  refined  part 
of  their  natures,  bring  the  soul  up  to  a  high  and  pure 
standpoint  of  religious  culture.  He  said  the  first  oath  was 
but  the  whispering  of  the  second;  that  the  first  falsehood 
was  but  a  step  toward  a  downward  road  that  must  inevi 
tably  end  in  ruin." 


56  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"Dry  up,  Betsy!  Weren't  Hi  there  and  'eard  all  that 
jargon?" 

"Don't  you  speak  to  me  in  that  way,  Sam  Blower!  I 
won't  allow  a  man  to  talk  in  that  way  to  me." 

1 '  You  ?  You  will  do  big  things !  If  Hi  want  to  kick  a  nigger 
Hi  will  do  hit;  and  hif  you  hain't  mighty  careful  Hi  will  kick 
the  whole  caboodle  of  you  hout  after  'im." 

"  A  mule  might  kick  a  woman,  but  a  man  never  would." 

"Call  me  a  mule,  do  you?  you  old  dragon!  Well, 
nothing  but  a  mule  would  marry  such  an  old  maid  as  you 
was.  Hi'm  a  fool  to  live  with  you;  a  fine-looking  young 
man  has  Hi  ham  could  marry  plenty  of  young,  good-look 
ing  girls." 

"Go!  go!  why  don't  you  go?"  screamed  Betsy. 

"  Well,  Hi  will.     Where  is  my  'aversack?" 

"Here  it  is,"  and  Mrs.  Blower  flew  to  the  closet  and 
brought  out  that  time  worn  and  warworn  bag,  and  threw 
it  at  Samuel's  head.  "There,  take  your  haversack.  It  is 
all  you  have  got.  I  have  the  bank-book,  and  every  cent 
you  have  got  in  the  world  is  in  my  name;"  and  Mrs.  Blower 
smUed  so  diabolically  that  she  showed  her  false  teeth  all 
around. 

At  this  juncture  there  came  a  soft  rap  at  the  door.  It 
opened  and  Madame  Junk  glided  in.  "  Brother  and  sister, 
what  is  the  matter  ?  You  are  talking  in  such  a  high  key  that 
the  people  are  stopping  on  the  walk  to  listen.  Do  be 
quiet;"  and  she  went  up  to  her  brother-in-law,  placed  her 
hands  upon  his  shoulders,  and  looking  into  his  eyes  as  a 
mother  would  do  to  a  refractory  son,  said:  "  Samuel,  what 
has  gone  wrong  ?" 

"  Hi  never  can  'ave  hany  conversation  with  that  thing 
without  getting  hinto  just  such  a  blow.  There  hain't  a 
decent  man  in  the  world  that  could  live  with  'er.  What 
man  would  stand  being  called  a  mule  ?" 

"And  I  should  like  to  know,"  screamed  Betsy,  "what 
dignified,  respectable  member  of  a  church — and  a  descend- 


AFRAID    OF    THE    POOR.  57 

ant  of  Oliver  Cromwell — would  stand  it  to  be  called  a 
dragon?" 

If  Madame  Junk  thought  so  too,  she  did  not  say  so. 
She  only  said,  "  Betsy,  do  be  quiet,  and  try  and  live  in 
more  harmony  with  your  husband." 

"  Yes,  Jane,  that  is  the  thanks  I  get  for  taking  your  part. 
The  row  began  about  you." 

"  I  regret,"  said  Madame  Junk,  "that  I  should  be  the 
cause  of  so  much  unhappiness  between  man  and  wife.  If 
you  will  tell  me  where  I  have  been  in  fault,  I  will  try  and 
not  have  it  happen  again." 

"  Well,  Jane,"  said  Samuel,  "  you  see  Hi  do  not  like  to 
'ave  hall  these  scallywags  coming  hinto  the  yard  of  my 
'ouse." 

"Tell  the  truth!  tell  the  truth!"  chimes  Betsy;  "  you  said 
you  would  kick —  " 

"  There,  there,  Betsy;  I  don't  want  to  hear  that  part 
of  it." 

"  Hi'm  afraid  they  will  steal  hall  we  'ave." 

"  I  don't  know  what  you  are  afraid  of,  as  you  have 
nothing  to  steal  but  your  old  haversack,  and  I  am  sure  no 
nigger  would  take  that  as  a  gift." 

"  Sister  Betsy,  do  be  quiet,  and  let  me  talk  to  Samuel. 
Brother  and  sister,  I  will  be  responsible  for  all  things  which 
are  stolen.  And  you  know,  Samuel,  when  I  give  my  word 
I  always  keep  it.  I  don't  want  to  offend  you.  This  morn 
ing  when  you  scolded  me  about  the  coats  on  the  line,  I  re 
moved  them." 

However  much  Samuel  Blower  sputtered  about  Madame 
Junk  behind  her  back,  he  had  very  little  courage  when  he 
carne  to  face  her.  Somehow,  her  tone  seemed  to  soothe 
him,  and  bring  back  from  his  childhood  days  the  vision  of 
his  mother.  Madame  Junk  managed  him  as  she  would  a 
great  naughty  boy. 

She  went  out  and  brought  in  a  cup  of  strong  coffee,  and 
bade  him  drink  it.  She  told  him  such  fits  of  rage  were 


58  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

dangerous,  and  he  would  rupture  a  bloodvessel.  "And 
Betsy,  it  will  totally  destroy  your  nervous  system." 

After  Samuel  had  drank  the  coffee,  Madame  J.  brought 
his'hat  and  cane,  and  told  him  to  go  down  town.  She 
made  Betsy  a  cup  of  tea,  and  told  her  to  go  to  bed  and  take 
a  good  nap. 

This  haversack  scene  was  rehearsed  twice  every  week. 
Twice  every  week  Madame  Junk  smelt  brimstone. 


CHAPTEE    IX. 

JOEL  MEETS  THE  WILDCAT— THE  EFFECT  OF  DOCTOR 
SMARTS  RED  REMEDY. 

tl  TOEL,  I  want  to  have  you  go  down  to  Mr.  Jonas  Pict- 
^_J  pink's  and  bring  up  that  sack  of  goods  I  purchased 
there.  I  do  not  see  that  they  are  likely  to  send  them.3' 

"  "What  shall  I  say,  mother?" 

"Why,  say  that  Mrs.  Junk  has  sent  you  for  those  things 
that  she  bought  a  few  days  ago." 

"  That 's  a  pretty  rough  hole,  mother." 

"  Yes,  I  know,  Joel;  but  a  great  deal  of  good  may  come 
out  of  a  bad-looking  place." 

Joel  never  questioned  Madame  Junk's  judgment  in  re 
gard  to  places.  Child  as  he  was,  he  understood  that  her 
motive  was  always  good.  No  amount  of  experience  could 
make  this  woman  hold  any  one  responsible  for  what  he  did. 
Every  one  that  did  wrong  was  born  wrong.  She  believed 
in  the  gentle  guidance  of  the  law  rather  than  its  force. 
She  believed  in  law  as  an  educator.  She  believed  in  rules; 
but  those  rules  should  be  to  instruct,  and  that  instruction 
should  be  the  highest  and  best  way  of  propagating  the 
American  race.  Could  this  last-named  object  be  attained, 
she  opined  the  force  of  law  would  not  be  required. 

She  taught  Joel  that  all  evildoers  were  objects  of  pity. 
She  pictured  to  him  that  they  were  poor  foolish  things  that 
did  not  know  enough  to  do  right.  To  a  high-spirited  boy 
this  class  of  teaching  would  have  more  effect  than  it  would 
to  tell  him  that  all  noted  rascals  knew  the  right  but  braved 
the  wrong. 


6O  MADAME    JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"  Vas  isli  dish  vants  you,  letel  poy?" 

"  Mrs.  Junk  sent  me  down  for  a  big  bag  of  rags  she 
bought  here  a  few  days  ago." 

"  Veil,  if  it  ish  rags  she  wants,  dis  ish  not  der  blace." 

"Well,  old  clothes,  then,"  said  Joel. 

"  Dat  vomans  you  call  Shunks  has  blenty  boor  bepels." 

"  Yes/'  returned  Joel. 

"  Vat  ish  dish  you  do  by  der  daytimes  ?" 

"  I  run  about  for  my  mother,  and  carry  papers  to  the 
prisoners  every  morning." 

As  Joel  finished  speaking,  the  woman  bent  her  shaggy 
head  forward,  and  her  small  glittering  eyes  were  fixed  upon 
the  boy  with  an  expression  that  would  remind  you  of  a 
snake,  just  ready  to  jump  and  fix  her  fangs  in  your  flesh. 
It  was  but  momentary.  She  brought  out  the  sack  and 
made  a  show  of  finding  a  string  to  tie  it  up  with;  but  it 
was  in  reality  to  consume  time. 

' '  Makes  much  monish  mit  babers  ?" 

"No!" 

She  brought  from  under  the  rude  counter  a  paper  box 
with  candy,  and  asked  Joel  to  take  some.  Joel  took  one 
or  two  pieces  and  began  munching  them,  while  she  shook 
up  the  bag.  This  done,  she  leaned  her  arms  on  the  counter 
and  rested  her  chin  in  the  palm  of  one  hand. 

"  Poy,  ish  him  you  calls  Shunks  your  mutter?" 

"Yes." 

"Vas  name  ish  ter  utter  von?" 

"Joel." 

"  Shoel  Shunks?    Likes  you  monish,  letel  poy?' 

"Every  one  likes  money." 

The  face  of  the  hag  brightened.  "Veil,  here  ish  two- 
bit." 

"  What  is  that  for?"  asked  Joel. 

"Foryer,  letel  poy." 

"  I  don't  want  it;  I  haven't  done  anything  for  it." 

"  Veil,  yer  shust  agoing  ter." 


INCLINATION   WAS   THE    STRONGEST.  6 1 

"  Do  you  mean  that  you  would  have  to  pay  a  man  to  take 
it  if  I  didn't?" 

"  Shust  so,  letel  poy." 

"Well,  then  I  will  take  it."  Joel  picked  up  the  sack  and 
was  walking  toward  the  door  when  she  cried  out : 

"  Sthop  a  letel!     Prings  pack  der  sack." 

As  she  said  this  she  walked  to  the  opposite  side  of  the 
room,  and  fumbling  about  in  a  box  handed  Joel  a  good-look 
ing  jack-knife. 

"  I  gives  you  dish  you  prings  pack  the  sack." 

Joel  looked  longingly  at  the  knife;  at  the  same  time  he 
thought  the  two  bits  would  pay  him  for  the  whole  job,  and 
indeed  it  was  more  than  he  usually  received  for  such  jobs. 
But  to  what  boy  on  earth  is  not  a  good-looking  pocket- 
knife  full  of  steel  blades  a  temptation,  and  more  especially 
if  he  has  none  ?  The  principles  that  Madame  Junk  had 
taught  him  said  no;  but  inclination  said  yes.  Inclination 
was  the  strongest  and  he  took  the  knife. 

All  the  way  home  he  was  thinking,  "  Shall  I  tell  mother? 
I  have  always  told  her  everything.  Yes,  I  will  tell  her 
about  the  two  bits.  She  will  think  that  is  all  right;  but  if 
I  tell  her  about  the  knife  she  will  make  me  take  it  back 
again;  she  is  so  queer;  she  will  say  it  is  too  much.  If  I 
keep  the  knife  I  can't  carry  it.  She  gave  her  word  that  I 
should  never  carry  a  knife  into  the  jail.  She  has  told  me 
I  must  not  break  her  word.  It's  bad  enough  for  a  body  to 
break  his  own  word,  but  it  is  mighty  mean  to  break  other 
folkses.  If  I  keep  the  knife,  I  can  hide  it  and  use  it  some 
times.  I  wish  I  knew  what  to  do.  Bah!  what  an  ugly 
old  woman !  I  can't  help  thinking  about  that  cat  I  dreamt 
scratched  my  face  so,  and  mother  said  my  dream  had  a 
meaning.  But  Mrs.  Pictpink  can't  be  that  cat,  for  she 
ain't  half  spry  enough  for  a  cat ;  she  couldn't  jump  out  of 
a  tree;"  and  the  thought  of  that  two  hundred  and  fifty 
pounds  jumping  out  of  a  tree,  set  Joel  into  a  laugh. 

While  Joel  was  gone  for  those  goods,  Madame  Junk  re- 


62  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

raerabered  that  she  had  promised  to  call  upon  that  poor, 
blind,  lungless  woman  of  the  tin  cup.  She  hastily  threw 
on  bonnet  and  shawl;  taking  little  Sternna  by  the  hand  she 
led  her  to  school — a  little  pay-school  taught  by  an  old  maid 
by  the  name  of  Sally  Busy.  True,  Sternna  was  rather 
young  to  attend  any  school;  still  Madame  Junk  thought  it 
better  to  place  Sternna  under  the  care  of  an  upright  relig 
ious  person  like  Miss  Sally  Busy  than  to  take  the  child  about 
with  her.  As  we  are  much  too  busy  to  enter  into  the  minu- 
tia  of  Miss  Busy's  character  at  this  point,  we  will  encour 
age  the  reader  by  promising  that  she  shall  have  the  floor  by 
and  by. 

Madame  Junk  kissed  Sternna  and  bade  her  be  a  good 
girl  and  mamma  would  call  for  her  soon.  Madame  Junk 
walked  briskly  down  the  street  with  her  free  dispensary 
hanging  on  her  arm,  which  contained  Doctor  Smart  and 
other  herbs.  If  she  could  find  that  poor  blind  woman 
who  labored  so  hard  for  breath,  she  would  cure  that  short 
breathing.  She  marched  directly  for  thirty-four  Drunk 
Street,  and  found  a  small  wooden  building  just  ready  to 
tumble  down.  Glancing  up  to  an  upper  window  she  saw 
a  face  and  figure  which  greatly  resembled  that  of  our  poor, 
blind,  lungless  friend.  But  there  was  no  cup,  no  visor,  no 
placard.  "  Yes,"  thought  Madame  Junk, ' '  that  must  be  the 
poor  creature's  brother."  She  gave  a  distinct  rap  at  the 
street  door;  no  one  came;  she  turned  the  knob  and  walked 
in  and  up  the  black  uncarpeted  stairs  through  a  narrow  dark 
hallway,  and  tapped  at  the  door.  A  manly,  sonorous  voice 
bade  her  come  in.  The  man  was  evidently  much  aston 
ished;  it  was  clear  he  was  looking  for  another  person. 

"  I  presume,"  said  Madame  Junk,  "  you  are  the  brother 
of  the  poor  blind  person  I  called  to  see.  Did  your  sister 
speak  to  you  about  a  woman  that  would  call  and  assist 
her?" 

"Yes,  mum;  she  was  after  spaking  to  me  about  it,"  said 
the  man,  recovering  himself,  and  remembering  Madame 
Junk's  voice. 


HOT   IT   IS,    BE   JABERS.  63 

"  I  came  at  twelve  o'clock,  thinking  to  find  her  in." 

"  Well,  muni,  it  is  very  bad  she  is.  She  was  a  broth  of 
a  girl;  but  bad  luck  to  us  all  since  she  lost  her  eyes." 

"  She  is  very  much  afflicted  with  her  lungs,"  said  Madame 
Junk,  taking  out  her  red  pepper,  and  shaking  out  a  portion 
in  a  separate  paper.  "  There;  when  your  sister  comes  in, 
mix  this  with  milk,  and  tell  her  to  swallow  it  down  without 
stopping  to  taste,  and  she  will  find  it  will  be  a  great  benefit 
to  her  lungs.  You  very  much  resemble  your  sister." 

"  Wid  the  grace  of  God,  we  was  twins,  mum." 

"  "What  do  you  do  for  a  living  ?"  asked  Madame  Junk. 

"  Divil  a  bit  ken  I  be  after  doing.  I  shlipped,  and  broke 
me  side;"  and  he  laid  his  hand  on  the  maimed  place. 

Madame  Junk  prescribed  a  plaster,  and  told  him  she 
would  send  a  physician  to  examine  him. 

"  What  is  your  name,  sir  ?" 

"  Hickey,  mum." 

"  Hickory  ?"  said  Madame  Junk. 

"  Hickey,  save  in  your  prisence." 

Madame  Junk  then  told  the  man  if  he  or  his  sister  should 
want  clothing,  to  call  at  her  house,  giving  him  the  name 
and  number,  and  they  would  be  provided  with  such  things 
as  they  needed.  When  this  lady  had  walked  through  the 
dark  hall,  she  retraced  her  steps,  and,  putting  her  head  in 
at  the  door,  told  the  man  not  to  forget  the  remedy  for  his 
sister. 

' '  Hiven  bless  you,  mum,  and  shure  I'll  not  be  forgetting 
it." 

As  Madame  Junk  was  feeling  her  way  out,  she  thought, 
*'  I  half  believe  that  man  is  deceiving  me;  but  if  he  is  he 
cannot  help  it:  he  was  doubtless  born  wrong." 

When  Madame  Junk  was  safely  out  of  doors,  the  poor 
blind  person  proceeded  to  examine  the  contents  of  the 
paper.  He  wet  the  end  of  his  forefinger,  and  picked  up  a 
grain  or  so  and  tasted  it.  "  Hot  it  is,  be  jabers.  I'll  not 
be  waiting  for  my  sister,  if  it  is  good."  He  lifted  it  to  his 


64  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

nose  to  ascertain  what  it  was  by  smelling;  he  took  a  good 
snuff,  that  set  him  sneezing  and  coughing  so  violently  that 
the  paper  was  jerked  out  of  his  hand,  and  fell  on  the  floor; 
a  cloud  of  red  dust  arose  and  flew  into  his  eyes,  ears,  and 
nose.  He  fell  on  the  floor,  rolled  over  and  over,  getting 
more  and  more  of  this  pepper  on  his  clothing  and  hands. 
He  began  rubbing  his  eyes,  coughing  and  sneezing,  until 
he  was  in  actual  danger  of  having  a  broken  side.  If  his 
lungs  were  all  right  before,  they  were  not  now.  At  inter 
vals,  and  when  he  could  catch  his  breath,  he  howled,  "Holy 
Mary,  Mother  of  Jesus!  save  me,  and  I  will  never  decaive 
any  more  at  all,  at  all."  The  poor  wretch  thought  that  the 
Blessed  Virgin,  in  her  wrath  at  his  sinful  falsehoods,  did 
actually  mean  to  take  away  his  eyes  and  lungs,  and  make  a 
rupture  in  his  side;  and,  we  must  confess,  at  the  present 
outlook,  there  is  a  very  good  show  for  it.  After  he  haci 
bellowed  and  roared  for  half  an  hour,  he  thought  he  would 
crawl  out;  but  this  time  without  his  visor  and  tin  cup.  He 
had  other  business  on  hand;  he  must  attend  to  his  drool 
ing;  and  it  was  extremely  doubtful  if  he  would  ever  do  any 
thing  in  the  tincup  line  again.  Meanwhile  Madame  Junk 
»  pursued  the  even  tenor  of  her  way,  all  unconscious  of  the 
disastrous  result  of  Doctor  Smart's  red  remedy. 

" Mother,"  said  Joel,  "Mrs.  Thingumbob  down  there 
gave  me  two  bits  for  bringing  up  the  duds."  As  he  said 
this,  he  tossed  the  sack  around  from  his  shoulder  and 
squatted  it  down  on  one  end. 

"  Well,  Joel,  she  was  very  kind;  and  I  have  no  doubt 
she  would  have  been  an  excellent  person  if  she  had  been 
born  under  better  circumstances."  But  as  Joel  is  scarcely 
old  enough  to  comprehend  Madame  Junk's  obtuse  mean 
ing  on  the  question  of  being  born,  it  leaves  no  avenue  open 
for  a  discussion  of  the  subject  with  him. 

"Mother,  is  Mrs.  Pictpink  a  good  woman?" 

"I  hope  so,  Joel." 

"  "What  do  you  say  '  hope  so '  for  ?    Don't  you  know  so ?" 


MUST   BE    OLDER.  65 

"  I  do  not  know  much  about  her;  I  have  only  seen  her 
when  I  have  been  in  to  purchase  clothes.  Why  do  you 
ask?" 

"  I  don't  know.  I  feel  cold  when  she  looks  at  me.  She 
makes  me  think  of  a  wild  animal/' 

"Poor  thing,"  said  Madame  Junk.  "  Joel,  when  you 
are  older,  and  have  studied  books,  I  shall  tell  you  how  all 
these  discrepancies  of  the  human  family  come  about." 

"What  is  the  meaning  of  that  long  hard  word,  mother?" 

"  Why,  things  that  don't  agree — contrary  things." 

"Oh!  that's  it,  is  it?  Well,  I  don't  believe  there  is  a 
Dutch  dictionary  in  the  world  that's  got  a  word  big  enough 
to  cover  that  woman." 

Joel  set  off  in  a  silent  train  of  thoughts,  which,  if  they 
had  taken  form,  would  have  been  in  this  wise :  God's  mill 
must  have  a  great  defect  somewhere  to  grind  out  such 
coarse  lumps.  Joel's  mother  had  always  told  him,  "  God's 
mill  ground  slow  but  sure." 

In  Joel's  mind  this  mill  was  affixed  to  Madame  Junk's 
pet  theory;  he  thought  it  one  and  the  same  thing.  True, 
our  Joel  had  not  arrived  at  the  years  of  understanding. 
He  knew  naught  of  nature's  laws  and  the  Bible,  and  that 
where  there  is  wheat  there  must  be  chaff;  and  that  God 
will  separate  them  in  His  own  good  time. 


CHAPTER   X. 

RELIGIOUS   QUESTIONS  ANSWERED  — MEETING    WITH 
HIGHTONERS  — GREAT  EXPECTATIONS. 

11  T  7T  T^ELL,  mother,"  said  Joel,  entering  the  room, 
y  y  "Mr.  Spencer  is  dead.  He  will  be  buried  in 
the  graveyard  for  the  poor/' 

"Yes,  yes!"  sighed  Madame  Junk;  "that  is  the  way 
when  a  man  has  no  money  or  friends." 

"If  we  are  all  God's  children,  and  he  is  as  good  as  you 
say  he  is,  I  should  think  he  would  take  better  care  of  his 
good  children  anyway;  them  that  mind  him  right  and  do 
what  he  tells  them." 

' '  Joel !  Joel !  I  do  wish  you  would  not  talk  in  that  irrev 
erent  way." 

"  What's  irreverent  ?" 

"  It  is  disrespect  to  God." 

"Why,  mother,  I  respect  God  as  much  as  any  one.  I 
don't  know;  you  say  He  is  a  good  man,  and  I  believe  you." 

"Joel!  Joel!"  spoke  Madame  Junk  in  tones  of  despair. 
"  God  is  not  a  man.  He  is  an  all-pervading  Spirit.  We 
cannot  see  him  in  the  form  of  a  body.  He  is  all-wise,  all- 
powerful;  and  not  a  sparrow  falls  to  the  ground  unknown 
to  Him.  He  knows  the  number  of  hairs  on  your  head." 

"But,  mother,  you  told  me  the  Jews  hung  Him  upon  a 
cross,  and  stuck  spears  in  Him,  and  spit  in  His  face?" 

"  That  was  the  Son  of  God,  my  child." 

"  Did  God  have  any  girls  in  the  family?" 

"  No,  my  child;  he  had  but  one  Son,  and  he  died  to  save 
sinners." 

"Oh!  will  that  save  them?" 


WHAT   A    WOMAN    CAN    DO.  6j 

"Not  unless  they  try  to  do  right,  and  ask  God  to  help 
them;  trusting  and  believing  in  His  holy  word." 

"  Who  was  God's  wife  ?" 

"I  told  you  He  was  an  invisible  power,  all-supreme." 

"  Who  was  mother  of  His  Son  ?"  asked  Joel,  looking 
very  thoughtful,  and  trying  hard  to  understand. 

"  Mary,  the  blessed  Virgin/' 

"  What 's  a  virgin,  mother  ?" 

"  A  very  pure  woman,  Joel.  When  you  are  a  few  years 
older  you  will  understand  the  blessed  Bible  better." 

Joel  hoped  so.  The  boy  muttered  something  about  he 
could  not  see  head  or  tail  to  it  now.  The  more  his  mother 
talked  the  less  he  understood.  He  was  tangled  up  and 
could  not  see  his  way  out. 

Joel  had  never  been  to  Sabbath-school.  Madame  Junk 
assured  him  that  he  was  doing  a  greater  work  for  the  Lord 
by  carrying  a  load  of  religious  tracts  to  the  prisoners  of  a 
Sabbath  morning.  Joel  knew  it  was  much  harder  work; 
and  if  he  sometimes  doubted  about  its  being  as  pleasant  a 
one  as  that  of  attending  Sabbath-school,  he  was  not  to 
blame. 

Shakspeare  talks  about  a  "tide  in  the  affairs  of  men." 
We  shall  make  bold  to  apply  this  much-quoted  saying  to 
boys.  There  is  no  just  cause  why  boys  should  not  have  a 
"tide  in  their  affairs"  as  well  as  men.  Joel  will  have  a 
"tide"  soon,  and  we  trust  it  will  take  him  where  he  can 
understand  the  Scriptures  a  little  better. 

The  Hon.  Amos  Goliah  Smith's  term  in  Congress  had 
expired.  He  would  be  nominated  the  second  time,  and 
without  a  doubt  would  be  elected;  at  least  his  friends  con 
fidently  expected  he  would  be.  True,  he  had  a  competitor, 
and  that  competitor  had  a  vast  deal  of  money;  as  much,  if 
not  more,  than  Goliah  himself. 

Senator  Smith's  newspaper  organ  came  out  with  great 
headings  to  long  articles,  bidding  the  populace  to  "  look 
out  for  spruce-beer,  grapes,  and  watermelons,"  for  Senator 


68  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

Smith's  competitor  was  on  tlie  temperance  ticket,  while 
Goliah  was  on  the  straight  out-and-out  ticket.  No  sugar 
and  water  on  his  ticket.  "  Milk  for  babes,"  was  his  motto, 
and  something  a  little  stronger  for  adults.  If  a  man  don't 
require  bracing  up  through  the  hot  contest  of  a  campaign, 
Senator  Smith  would  like  to  know  when  he  did.  If  a  man 
did  not  require  to  have  his  head  level,  his  nerves  firm,  his 
reasoning  faculties  cooled  with  watermelons  during  the  set 
tling  of  the  momentous  question  of  electing  a  member  for 
Congress,  Mr.  Sampson  would  like  to  know  when  he  did? 
It  was  a  fair  contest;  both  men  had  money,  influence  and 
brains.  Both  men  had  families.  I  don't  know  whether 
they  had  both  had  the  "measles"  or  not,  but  they  both 
had  everything  else  they  wanted. 

Madame  Junk  read  the  daily  papers,  and  saw  that  Goliah 
was  up  for  nomination,  and  thought,  "  Now  is  my  time;  he 
shall  see  what  a  woman  can  do.  Yes/'  thought  she,  "  if  I 
can  only  get  that  bill  introduced,  it  will  pass,  I  am  sure. 
What  man  that  is  just  could  say  that  a  prison  reform  is  not 
needed.  Yes,  yes,  I  see  my  way  through."  The  lady 
arose,  walked  to  a  little  shelf  on  the  wall,  took  down  an  old 
dictionary,  snapped  the  leaves  across  her  thumb,  until  she 
came  to  a  soiled  half  sheet  of  foolscap  and  a  yellow  envelope; 
then  she  moved  to  the  kitchen  table,  and  wrote  the  follow 
ing  letter: 

DEAR  SIR  :  I  have  been  waiting  for  a  favorable  opportunity 
to  show  my  gratitude,  and,  in  some  degree,  to  return  your 
most  liberal  kindness  to  me  and  mine.  I  see  by  the  press 
you  are  up  for  election.  I  congratulate  you,  and  shall 
pray  to  God  for  your  success.  I  shall  espouse  your  cause; 
I  shall  give  my  time  and  strength,  with  what  ability  I  have, 
to  advance  your  success.  I  feel  confident  you  are  the  right 
man  in  the  right  place.  By  the  grace  of  God,  I  hope  you 
may  win.  I  shall  proceed  at  once  to  work  upon  the  minds 
of  those  whom  I  come  in  contact  with.  Hoping  this  will 
meet  with  your  kind  approval,  and  with  an  earnest  prayer 
for  your  success,  I  have  the  honor  to  remain, 

Your  obedient  servant, 

To  the  Hon.  A.  G.  SMITH.  JANE  JUNK. 


JOEL    MAKES    A    CALL.  69 

Just  as  Madame  Junk  finished  this  epistle,  Joel  entered. 

"  Do  you  feel  very  tired,  Joel  ?" 

"  No,  not  much,"  returned  Joel.     "  Why?" 

"  I  would  like  to  have  you  take  a  letter  to  Senator  Smith's 
residence,  and  wait  an  answer/' 

"  Now,  mother,  I  do  not  mind  going  about  amongst  ruff- 
scuffs,  but  I  do  hate  to  go  among  the  hightoners." 

"  Tut,  tut,  boy!  you  are  now  old  enough  to  see  something 
of  the  better  class.  I  do  not  mean  better  class,"  said 
Madame  Junk,  correcting  herself;  "  I  mean  those  who  live 
in  nice  shape." 

As  she  spoke,  she  began  poking  behind  the  long  chest,  and 
brought  to  light  a  pair  of  shoes  that  looked  very  little  better 
than  the  ones  Joel  had  on.  These  were  brushed.  The  jug 
of  logwood  dye  was  next  resorted  to,  and  Joel's  old  hat  grew 
wondrously  black  under  the  skillful  hand  of  Madame  Junk. 
She  darned  places  on  his  coat  and  vest,  and  touched  them 
up  with  the  same  fluid.  A  clean  white  shirt  and  a  red  neck 
tie  was  about  all  the  extra  fixing  he  could  have.  Somehow 
the  boy  did  not  look  shabby.  You  would  have  passed  him 
for  an  ordinary  dressed  schoolboy.  "  If  his  clothing  is  com 
mon,  his  face  is  not,"  thought  Madame  Junk.  Looking 
Joel  over,  she  discovered  he  had  no  gloves.  Another  search 
was  instituted  for  gloves.  They  were  not  long  in  finding  a 
pair  of  light  drab  ones  that  had  been  washed  several  times. 
Joel  put  them  on;  held  up  his  hands,  looking  at  them  very 
doubtfully.  The  fingers  were  too  long  and  too  wide;  but 
his  mother  assured  him  it  was  a  positive  sign  of  good  breed 
ing  to  wear  some  sort  of  gloves,  even  if  they  were  poor. 

"  Joel,  when  you  see  a  woman---no  matter  how  poor  she 
may  be,  or  how  poor  her  gloves  look— if  she  is  a  lady,  and 
has  been  well  taught,  she  will  never  appear  out  without 
gloves." 

"Well,  mother,  a  boy  ain't  a  lady." 

"  I  know!  I  know!  Joel;  but  I  wish  Senator  Smith  to  see 
you  have  been  taught  manners." 


7O  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

This  last  reason  for  wearing  gloves  was  a  clincher,  and 
Joel  looked  no  further  objection. 

"It  looks  like  rain,  Joel/'  said  Madame  Junk,  taking 
down  an  old  umbrella  that  hung  on  the  wall.  Pulling  down 
the  folds  and  lapping  one  tightly  over  the  other,  and  pin 
ning  them  all  down  fast,  it  gave  the  umbrella  a  well-be 
haved  go-to-meeting  sort  of  a  look. 

"When  you  enter  the  hall,  place  your  hat  and  umbrella 
on  the  rack.  Don't  hold  your  head  down  as  if  you  were 
never  in  such  a  place  before;  but  look  up  as  if  you  were  as 
good  as  the  best.  Don't  remove  your  gloves.  You  will  not 
remain  long  enough  for  that." 

Joel  glanced  at  his  hands  and  thought  it  would  not  take 
long  to  take  them  off  and  put  them  on  again. 

"Ring  the  bell,  and  when  the  servant  comes  send  up 
your  name." 

Madame  Junk  handed  Joel  a  bit  of  a  card  cut  out  from  a 
white  paper  box,  on  which  she  had  written,  in  decided 
character-hand,  the  name  of  Joel  Junk. 

"If  the  servant  returns  and  tells  you  the  Senator  is  en 
gaged,  you  tell  the  servant  to  inform  that  gentleman  that 
you  have  a  letter  for  him,  and  that  it  is  a  matter  of  great 
importance.  After  the  interview,  you  must  bow  so  "  (Mad 
ame  Junk's  forehead  almost  touched  the  floor),  "  and  thank 
him." 

As  Joel  was  moving  down  the  steps,  Madame  Junk  put 
her  head  out  of  the  door  and  called  out, 

"  Give  him  my  respects,  Joel! " 

Joel  walked  on  briskly.  He  felt  light,  for  it  was  not  often 
he  went  out  or  came  in  without  a  bundle.  In  a  quarter  of 
an  hour  he  had  reached  the  mansion  of  Hon.  A.  G.  Smith. 
He  ran  up  the  marble  steps  and  rang  the  bell.  A  servant 
opened  the  door,  and  looked  at  Joel  from  head  to  foot. 

"What  do  you  wish,  boy?" 

"  I  want  to  see  Senator  Smith.*" 

"He  is  engaged  and  will  not  be  disturbed." 


I    DIDN  T    KNOW    ANY    ONE    WAS    HERE.  Jl 

"  It  is  a  matter  of  great  importance,"  said  Joel,  handing 
the  servant  his  card.  The  man  glanced  at  it,  smiled,  and. 
told  Joel  to  step  into  the  hall  and  wait  a  moment,  and  he 
would  deliver  his  message,  thinking,  no  doubt,  it  was  a  tele 
gram  which  must  be  answered  without  delay.  The  ser 
vant  tapped  at  the  door  of  the  Senator's  private  room 
where  that  gentleman  was  closeted  with  two  friends.  The 
servant  handed  the  Senator  Joel's  card,  at  the  same  time 
delivering  his  verbal  message.  The  Senator  read  the  card 
and  bethought  him  of  Madame  Junk. 

"  Show  the  gentleman  into  my  study  and  ask  him  to  wait 
half  an  hour.     If  he  cannot  wait,  come  to-morrow  morn 
ing."     The  servant  returned  to  Joel. 
"  Can  you  wait  half  an  hour?" 
"Yes,  Sir." 

Joel  was  shown  into  the  study;  he  took  a  seat  on  a  small 
divan  in  one  corner,  and,  glancing  around  the  room,  his 
eyes  encountered  the  figure  of  a  young  miss,  who  we  should 
say  was  ten  or  twelve  years  of  age.  She  was  sitting  on  an 
ottoman  under  a  drop-light t  and  so  much  engaged  in  a 
story,  she  did  not  observe  Joel  enter.  This  gave  the  boy 
a  good  opportunity  to  give  her  a  good  look.  He  never  be 
fore  had  a  chance  to  see  how  "hightoners"  looked  in  their 
own  homes. 

She  must  have  been  reading  something  which  amused 
her  greatly,  for  she  gave  vent  to  a  hearty  musical  laugh, 
that  was  so  spontaneous  that  Joel  laughed  too,  in  very 
sympathy.  The  little  lady  sprung  to  her  feet,  her  long 
blonde  hair  hanging  in  wavy  masses  about  her  neck,  her 
head  slightly  bent  forward,  her  blue  eyes  wide  open,  her 
red  lips  half  parted,  and  her  hands  clasped.  Could  an 
artist  have  painted  her  as  she  stood  there,  he  would  have 
no  need  to  write  "  Astonishment"  as  the  title  of  his  picture, 
for  it  would  speak  for  itself. 

"  I  didn't  know  any  one  was  here,"  said  she. 

There  Joel  sat,  with  his  great  loose  cotton  gloves  on,  with 


72  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

a  hand  on  each  knee.     He  thought  he  had  never  seen  any 
one  half  so  pretty  in  all  his  life. 

"  Did  you  want  to  see  my  father?"  said  Miss  Came. 

"  Yes/'  said  Joel,  finding  his  tongue  at  last;  "  I  was  told 
to  wait  here  half  an  hour." 

"Oh!"  and  the  little  lady  sat  down  on  the  ottoman  and 
looked  at  Joel's  gloves.  Poor  Joel!  She  saw  that  he  felt 
uncomfortable,  and  pleasantly  asked  him  what  school  he 
attended. 

"  I  don't  go  to  school,"  replied  Joel.  "  My  mother  gives 
me  lessons  at  home." 

""What  books  do  you  study?"  And  Carrie  began  her 
questions  in  a  true  womanly  way. 

"  Well,  I  study  such  books  as  other  boys  study." 

"  Do  you  study  all  day?" 

"No;  I  go  down  to  the  jail  every  morning,  and  study  in 
the  afternoon." 

"To  the  jail!"  exclaimed  the  girl  in  tones  of  great  sur 
prise. 

"Yes;  I  carry  the  prisoners  papers." 

""What,  those  dreadful  bad  men?  What  do  they  want 
to  read  for?" 

"Oh,  to  find  out  things,"  replied  Joel,  with  an  expres 
sion  of  wisdom  on  his  face.  It  was  so  nice  to  have  an  out- 
and-out  hightoner  ask  him  for  information. 

"  How  do  they  look?  Ain't  they  dreadful  wicked?  Do 
tell  me  something  about  them.  Ain't  you  afraid  to  go  in 
there?" 

"Not  a  bit,"  said  Joe,  by  this  time  feeling  himself  quite 
a  hero. 

"  Are  they  kind  to  you  ?"  asked  the  girl.  At  this  ques 
tion  Joe  was  silent  for  a  moment.  He  was  thinking  how 
kind  they  had  been  to  him.  He  was  thinking  of  Dick 
Spencer. 

"  Are  they  kind  to  you?"  asked  the  girl  again. 

"  Every  one  of  'em  is  kind  to  me,"  said  Joel  emphatically. 


CARRIE    AND    JOEL.  73 

"  They  always  tell  me  to  do  right,  and  not  be  brought  down 
where  they  are.  They  have  told  me  the  first  bad  step  leads 
to  another." 

"  Why  don't  they  try  to  do  right  now?"  asked  the  girl. 
'  *  Our  minister  says  it  is  never  too  late  to  ask  Grod  to  help  us. 
What  do  they  try  to  break  out  of  jail  for  ?" 

<l  I  guess  they  don't  want  to  be  shut  up." 

"What  is  your  name?"  said  the  girl,  as  if  the  thought 
came  upon  her  suddenly. 

<  <  JoelJunk.     What's  yours  ?" 

"  Carrie  Smith.     Do  you  play  chess? 

"No." 

"  Can  you  play  authors  ?" 

-No." 

"  What  can  you  play?" 

"  Mumble-the-peg." 

I  'What  is  that?" 

"  Oh!  it  is  a  very  hard  game.  I  don't  think  a  girl  could 
learn  it."  Joel  was  much  pleased  that  he  had  hit  upon 
something  she  did  not  know. 

At  this  moment  the  Senator  entered.  "  Where  is  the 
gentleman,  Carrie  ?" 

"  What  gentleman?" 

II  Mr.  Junk,"  replied  the  Senator. 

At  this  juncture  Joel  stood  forth.  "That's  my  name. 
Here  is  the  letter  mother  sent  you.  She  would  like  an 
answer." 

"  Yes,  yes!  Sit  down  while  I  read  it.  Carrie,  go  to  the 
drawing-room." 

Carrie  gave  her  father  the  usual  good-night  kiss,  and 
walked  toward  the  door.  When  she  had  reached  it  she 
turned  about,  made  a  little  bow  to  Joel,  and  moved  her  lips 
in  the  form  of  good  night. 

The  Senator  was  reading,  and  did  not  notice  the  move 
ment.  When  he  had  finished  reading  Madame  Junk's  very 
friendly  letter,  he  turned  pleasantly  to  Joel,  and  said : 


/I 


74  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

"  There  is  nothing  in  your  mother's  letter  that  requires  an 
answer.  Tell  your  mother  that  whatever  she  does  for  me 
shall  be  rewarded  by  a  liberal  compensation;  that  I  am  truly 
thankful  for  her  kind  wishes  in  the  matter  of  which  she 
speaks. 

As  the  Senator  was  silent  a  moment,  Joel  thought  the  in 
terview  was  at  an  end.  He  arose,  made  that  low  bow,  and 
said, 

"  Thank  you.     Good  night,"  and  moved  toward  the  door. 

"  Wait,  boy,"  called  out  the  Senator. 

And  Joel  returned  to  the  centre  of  the  room,  and  stood 
with  his  arms  hanging  down  by  his  side,  with  his  great  loose 
gloves  just  ready  to  fall  off. 

"  Mrs.  Junk  is  your  mother,  I  take  it  ?" 

"  Yes,  Sir." 

"  "What  do  you  for  a  living  ?" 

Joel  related  the  story  of  the  papers  and  the  prisoners  in 
nearly  the  same  strain  as  the  reader  has  heard  it  before. 

*'  Do  you  receive  pay  for  this  work?" 

"  Sometimes,  but  not  for  the  religious  papers  and  tracts 
I  take  on  Sunday.  These  are  given  to  mother  by  the 
churches,  and  other  societies,  to  give  away  to  'em  that  don't 
know  anything  about  the  Bible  and  God.  There  is  a  few 
that  pay  me  for  daily  papers." 

"Humph!"  grunted  the  Senator;  "  I  see  you  work  very 
hard  for  very  poor  pay." 

"  Mother  says  my  pay  will  come  by  and  by." 

"Does  she?  Your  mother  is  full  of  faith."  And  the 
Senator  was  fumbling  about  in  his  pockets.  He  took  out  a 
piece  of  coin,  shading  it  with  his  fingers  as  a  gentleman  does 
when  he  hands  a  hostler  or  a  servant  his  perquisite.  No 
one  could  see  the  money,  but  we  shall  credit  him  with  five 
dollars. 

Joel's  experience  had  accustomed  him  to  the  motion,  and 
by  the  time  the  Senator  had  his  hand  extended  toward  Joel, 
Joel  said: 


I    HAVEN  T   EARNT    IT.  75 

"What's  that  for?" 

"  It  is  for  you." 

"Much  obliged!     Don't  want  it,  thank  you." 

"Why?" 

"I  haven't  earnt  it.  I  never  take  money  for  nothing;" 
and  Joe  looked  up  with  such  a  lofty  expression  that  he 
would  have  done  for  a  hero  in  a  first-class  romance.  The 
Senator  gave  a  little  cough,  and  a  short  dry  laugh;  folded 
his  arms  over  the  small  of  his  back  and  began  walking  up 
and  down  the  room.  Joel  made  another  move  for  the  door, 
when  the  Senator  stopped  him  with : 

"Look  here,  boy;  in  two  or  three  weeks  I  shall  have 
plenty  for  you  to  do.  Suppose  you  take  the  money.  You 
may  need  it." 

"A  good  paymaster  pays  when  the  work  is  done,"  said 
Joel,  getting  off  one  of  his  mother's  sayings,  without  realiz 
ing  he  wras  paying  the  gentleman  a  doubtful  compliment. 
Again  Joel  said: 

"  Good  night — thank  you." 

Again  he  was  stopped  by  the  Senator,  who  said: 

"  What  is  your  name  ?" 

"Most  everybody  calls  me  Joe  Junk;  mother  calls  me 
Joel." 

"Well,  Joel,  let  us  see.  To-day  is  Wednesday;  will  you 
call  here  two  weeks  from  to-day?" 

"Yes,  Sir!" 

The  Senator  walked  to  the  door,  held  out  his  hand,  and 
Joel  placed  his  hand,  cotton-glove  and  all,  in  that  of  his 
host,  which  that  gentleman  shook  warmly,  and  said : 

"Goodnight,  Joel." 

"Goodnight,  Sir." 

The  man  of  many  millions  continued  to  pace  up  and 
down  the  room,  muttering  to  himself,  "What  does  the 
little  chap  mean  by  refusing  my  money  ?"  His  face  wore 
an  expression  of  kindly  thought.  Mayhap  he  was  think 
ing  of  his  boyhood  days,  when  a  mother  taught  him  ster- 


76  MADAME   JANE   JUNK    AND    JOE. 

ling  principles — that  mother  who  long  years  since  had 
passed  away.  Perchance  he  was  thinking  how  that  mother 
struggled  with  poverty,  and  how  comfortable  he  could 
make  her  now,  were  she  with  him.  This  train  of  thought 
was  due  alone  to  Joel's  visit.  He  had  witnessed  a  phase  of 
life  that  was  quite  new  to  him.  Here  was  a  small  boy,  the 
poorest  of  the  poor,  giving  a  man  of  millions  a  lesson  in 
honesty.  However,  he  was  not  so  much  "  of  the  earth, 
earthy,"  that  he  could  not  feel  piqued.  It  was  the  first 
time  he  ever  had  his  benevolence  thrust  back  in  his  face, 
and  that,  too,  with  a  frank  outspoken  reason;  with  a  logic 
that  would  far  outweigh  his  money. 

* '  Well,  well !"  thought  the  Senator,  « '  this  is  new.  There 
is  mettle  in  this  boy  that  the  musical  jingle  of  gold  will  not 
buy.  But  then,  he  may  become  tarnished;  but  not  while 
he  is  under  Madame  Junk's  thumb.  Yes!  I  have  no  doubt 
the  redemption  of  this  nation  devolves  upon  our  mothers." 
Such  were  the  Senator's  thoughts  for  the  last  half  hour. 

Meanwhile  Madame  Junk  sat  trimming  her  light  and  list 
ening  for  Joel's  footstep.  "What  can  be  the  matter?" 
were  her  thoughts.  Ever  and  anon  she  turned  her  head, 
and  looked  at  the  rosy  slumbering  little  girl,  who  was 
dreaming  of  anything  but  the  coming  election.  "Here  it 
is  ten  o'clock,  and  Joel  not  come.  Can  anything  have  hap 
pened  to  him  ?  Or  has  the  Senator  taken  a  fancy  to  him, 
and  is  keeping  him  to  talk?  I  should  not  at  all  wonder. 
Joel  is  very  bright,  and  has  an  answer  for  everybody  " — 
and  her  fancy  set  off  at  full  gallop  after  imaginary  possi 
bilities.  She  saw  Joel,  President  of  these  United  States, 
and  herself  presiding  at  the  White  House;  and  Sternna  a 
beautiful  belle.  She  saw  her  sought  and  won  by  an  En 
glish  duke.  And  in  this  moment  kind  Madame  Junk 
thought  of  all  the  poor.  She  would  have  a  prison  reform 
adjacent  to  every  prison  in  the  United  States.  In  that  hour 
she  revolutionized  the  entire  continent  of  America.  She 
had  the  people  en  masse  born  over  again,  and  she  was  only 


A   LIBERAL   COMPREHENSION.  77 

brought  back  to  her  own  small  room  by  Joel  coming  up  the 
steps  whistling  "  Ten  Thousand  Miles  Away." 

' '  What  in  the  world  has  kept  you  so  long  ?  " 

"Business,  "  replied  Joel,  with  a  consequential  air. 

"Where  is  the  letter?" 

"  I  hain't  got  no  letter." 

"What!  no  answer?" 

"  Yes,  I  have  got  an  answer,  but  no  letter." 

"What  is  it?" 

"  The  gentleman  told  me  to  tell  you  that  for  all  your 
kindness  you  should  have  a  liberal  comprehension." 

"  Why,  Joel,  it  could  not  be  that." 

"  Well,  it  was  contemplation  then." 

"No!  no!  you  must  be  mistaken.  Was  it  not  compen 
sation  ?  " 

"  Maybe  'twas;  or  consplutteration,  or  some  such  word." 

"Well,  what  else  ?" 

"  I  am.  to  call  two  weeks  from  to-day;  he  has  got  some 
thing  for  me  to  do." 

"  Just  as  I  thought,"  muttered  Madame  Junk. 

"  He  offered  me  money,  but  I  didn't  take  it." 

"  That  is  right,  Joel;  that  is  right.  Did  it  take  all  this 
time  to  say  this  ?  " 

"No;  but  you  see,  when  I  got  there  the  Senator  was  en 
gaged,  and  he  sent  word  for  me  to  wait  half  an  hour;  but  I 
guess  it  was  more  than  an  hour." 

"Wliere  did  you  sit?" 

"  In  a  room  where  there  was  a  writing-desk,  a  few  books, 
and  a  girl.  I  thought  I  should  be  scared  to  talk  to  high- 
toners,  but  I  weren't  a  bit.  Why,  they  are  just  like  us. 
Carrie  talked  to  me  just  as  good  as  if  I  was  raised  up  fine. 
She  looked  at  my  gloves,  though." 

"  There!  you  see  if  you  had  not  had  gloves  on  she  would 
not  have  been  sociable.  She  knew  by  that  you  were  well 
brought  up." 

While  this  conversation  was  going  on  Madame  Junk  was 


78  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

pulling  out,  from  under  her  bed,  some  blankets  and  a  straw- 
tick  partly  filled  with  straw.  She  proceeded  to  make  Joel 
a  bunk  in  one  corner  of  the  room,  a  place  where  he  slept 
every  night. 

"  How  old  is  the  girl,  Joel?" 

' ( About  as  old  as  I  be." 

"As  I  am,  Joel.     Did  you  see  any  one  else?" 

"No." 

By  this  time  Joel  was  safely  under  the  blankets,  and  Mad 
ame  Junk  was  tucking  him  in. 

After  this  she  retired  herself,  but  not  to  sleep.  Her 
brain  was  too  prolific  for  rest  after  such  stirring  events. 
Joel  was  soon  off  to  the  land  of  dreams,  and,  we  trust,  they 
will  be  more  pleasant  than  they  have  been  sometimes  be 
fore;  and  when  the  wee  small  hours  were  coming  in,  Mad 
ame  Junk  dropped  into  a  fitful  doze;  and  if  she  talked  in 
her  sleep,  she  said,  "How  old  did  you  say  the  girl  was, 
Joel?" 


CHAPTEK  XL 

YOU  AND  I— FATHER  AND  SON. 

TV"  ATE  GLEWER  believed  in  first  impressions.  With 
Iv  this  view,  she  had  finished  one  of  the  most  com 
plete  Scotch  suits  that  ever  a  four-year-old  boy  wore.  The 
long  plaid  stockings,  shoes  with  buckles,  plaid  skirt,  with 
velvet  waist,  and  one  of  the  jauntiest  hats,  with  graceful 
feather  in  true  Scotch  style.  She  was  going  to  bring  her 
boy  home  that  day.  We  say  her  boy,  for  she  had  made  up 
her  mind  he  was  hers.  She  had  not  come  to  this  conclu 
sion  in  a  day  or  a  week,  but  she  had  been  months  about  it. 
Whatever  her  motives  were  for  taking  such  a  step,  they 
were  well  grounded,  be  assured. 

Catharine  Glewer  had  no  wish  to  oppose  her  husband. 
If,  however,  it  was  necessary  to  attain  the  right,  she  was  a 
woman  who,  under  those  circumstances,  would  oppose  all 
creation. 

That  latent  mysterious  something  about  her  had  never 
been  awakened  by  education.  When  we  say  education  we 
do  not  refer  to  theoretical  school  education;  we  mean  a 
knowledge  of  men  and  things;  we  mean  a  general  under 
standing  of  all  things  pertaining  to  the  age  in  wThich  we  live; 
an  intuitive  knowledge  of  the  depth  and  breadth  of  the 
world.  These  slumbering  faculties  she  had.  Had  they 
awakened  before  she  married  Tom  Glewer,  Tom  would  have 
sought  a  helpmeet  elsewhere,  and  Kate  would  have  occupied 
the  position  that  nature  fitted  her  to  adorn.  As  it  is,  she  is 
plain  Mrs.  Tom  Glewer.  The  world  may  never  know  her, 
or  speak  of  her,  as  being  great  and  beautiful;  but  the  re- 


8o  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

cording  angel,  in  looking  o'er  the  list,  will  find  her  written 
there. 

"  Here  is  the  boy,"  said  Kate,  as  she  came  leading  in  the 
nameless  orphan.  "Come,  dear,  shake  hands/3  and  she 
led  the  little  fellow  up  to  Tom,  and  dropped  his  hand. 

Tom  took  hold  of  the  child's  hand  in  a  cool,  apathetic  way, 
as  he  would  touch  something  he  disliked  to  pick  up.  Kate 
took  a  seat  at  the  opposite  side  of  the  room,  ancj,  as  Tom 
made  no  further  demonstration  toward  the  child,  she  called 
him  to  her.  It  might  have  been  for  effect. 

The  child  had  light  blonde  hair,  that  would  have  curled  if 
it  had  been  long  enough;  large  blue  eyes,  and  ruddy  com 
plexion.  The  face  was  not  of  an  aristocratic  type;  there 
was  not  much  mettle  in  it,  and  no  music;  still  there  was 
nothing  in  the  face  to  offend.  It  was  innocent  and  quiet, 
without  being  sleepy. 

"  "Well,  what  do  you  think  of  him?"  said  Kate,  after  Tom 
had  looked  at  him  five  minutes. 

' '  I  suppose  he  looks  as  well  as  most  young  ones  do  at  that 
age." 

"  I  hope  you  will  like  him,"  returned  Kate,  "for  he  is 
ours." 

"  I  want  to  know,"  said  Tom,  in  a  jocose  way. 

"  Yes,  I  have  the  papers;  they  are  all  drawn  up,  and  are 
only  waiting  to  be  signed.  I  have  adopted  him." 

"  Oh,  you  have!     It  takes  two  to  make  a  bargain." 

"  Not  always,"  replied  Kate.  "  I  should  have  been  glad 
to  have  had  two  in  this  bargain;  but  if  I  cannot  I  shall  try 
to  make  out  with  one." 

"  Whose  house  is  this?"  thundered  Tom. 

"It  is  yours  and  mine,"  replied  Kate,  in  very  quiet 
tones. 

"  Yours  and  mine !  "Well,  that's  the  last  thing  out.  May 
be  you  can  tell  me  who  supports  it?"  roared  Tom. 

"You  and  I  do,"  said  Kate,  in  the  same  quiet  way. 

Tom  had  been  walking  up  and  down  the  room  while  this 


THE   NAMELESS   ORPHAN.  8 1 

conversation  was  going  on.  He  stopped  abruptly,  squared 
around,  and  looked  at  Kate,  to  see  if  she  was  bereft  of  her 
senses.  Her  large  brown  eyes  were  very  bright,  but  they 
did  not  look  at  all  insane.  She  did  not  return  his  gaze  with 
defiance,  but  firmly. 

"  Did  you  not  understand  me,  Tom?  I  said,  that  you 
and  I  support  this  house.  You  buy  the  food,  and  I  cook 
it.  We  rent  two  rooms,  which  pays  the  rent  of  the  whole 
house.  These  I  take  care  of.  I  do  the  washing  and  iron 
ing.  I  buy  rny  own  clothes,  and  make  them,  besides  mak 
ing  your  shirts." 

"  Well,  what  of  that?    Ain't  it  a  wife's  duty  to  do  this  ?" 

"  I  guess  so;  you  say  it  is." 

"  I  should  like  to  know  what  that  has  to  do  with  your 
bringing  that  brat  home  ?" 

"Oh,  Tom!  don't  say  that  you  cannot  respect  yourself, 
and  talk  in  that  way.  The  child  is  not  to  blame;  it  is  un 
manly  in  you." 

"None  of  your  soft  sawder  around  me.  You  cannot  keep 
that  child  and  live  with  me." 

"  I  did  not  object  when  you  brought  home  two  hounds, 
which  cost  more  to  keep  than  four  children." 

"  There  is  some  fun  in  a  dog." 

"For  you,"  returned  Kate.  "Well,  Tom,  I  know  you 
will  be  good  enough  to  let  the  child  stay  until  I  can  find  a 
good  home  for  him;"  and  as  she  spoke  she  walked  toward 
Tom,  and,  placing  both  arms  about  his  neck,  threw  back 
her  head,  and  put  up  such  a  tempting  pair  of  lips,  there  is 
not  a  man  on  earth  who  could  withstand  such  an  argument. 
"  Kiss  me,  Torn,  and  say  you  will." 

' '  There,  there !"  He  kissed  her  twice.  ' '  I  want  you  to  be 
mighty  lively  about  it.  I  don't  want  to  be  disturbed,  when 
I  come  homG,  by  the  crying  of  a  child." 

"  Why,  Tom,  he  is  not  a  baby;  he  don't  cry."  And  she 
put  in  such  a  lot  of  pleadings  for  the  child  you  would  have 
thought  it  was  an  angel,  and  not  Tom's  own  flesh  and  blood. 
6 


82  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

But  we  must  do  Tom  the  credit  to  say  lie  did  not  know  it 
either. 

Tom  went  out  muttering  to  himself: 

"  It  has  always  been  the  way.  Eve  bamboozled  Adam 
into  eating  the  apple,  and  all  the  women  have  been  in  the 
bamboozling  business  ever  since." 

The  first  battle  won,  Kate  had  no  fear  of  the  second. 
But  we  must  leave  Kate  and  her  adopted  son,  and  look  after 
other  sons  who  are,  according  to  "  Pip's"  idea,  "  brought 
up  by  hand." 


CHAPTEK  XII. 

ALBION'S  DAUGHTER— BUSY  WITH  YOUNG  IDEAS—THE 
CHE  IS  TIA  N  ADVOCA  TE. 

"T  "7T  TE  promised  the  reader  that  Miss  Sally  Busy  should 
V  V  nave  the  floor  after  awhile.  To  do  a  good  thing 
there  is  no  time  like  the  present.  Miss  Sally  Busy  was  an 
English  lady  of  much  culture.  She  had,  prior  to  her  com 
ing  to  California,  presided  over  a  large  boarding-school  in 
Canada.  Since  her  advent  here  she  had  been  a  sort  of  gov 
erness  in  her  own  apartments.  She  taught  drawing,  paint 
ing  and  music  after  school  hours.  This  lady  was  somewhat 
gifted  in  the  above-named  arts.  Moreover,  she  could  write 
a  Poem.  Miss  Sally  Busy  was  remarkably  tall,  with  very 
dark  complexion,  and  eyes  as  black  as  a  sloe.  She  had 
too  much  good  sense  to  bleach  her  hair  (had  she  done  so, 
she  would  have  been  a  fashionable  monstrosity),  so  her  hair 
was  black  too.  Her  lips  were  thin  and  her  temper  high- 
strung.  She  was  about  thirty  years  old,  and  had  almost  as 
much  of  a  passion  for  carrying  a  bag  on  her  arm  as  Mad 
ame  Junk. 

Madame  Junk  thought  she  could  not  have  selected  a 
more  competent  teacher  for  little  Sternna  than  Miss  Sally 
Busy.  She  liked  the  child  and  the  child  liked  her.  It  is 
certain  that  the  English  blood  of  Miss  Busy  felt  a  respons 
ive  sympathy  with  Sternna' s.  Thus  it  was  she  took  the  live 
liest  interest  in  the  child.  Miss  Busy  thought  no  common 
American  blood  flowed  in  that  child's  veins.  That  child 
was  no  American  plebeian.  Sternna  passed  hours  with 
Miss  Busy.  The  child  developed  great  taste  for  drawing. 


84  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND   JOE. 

She  advanced  rapidly  in  all  things  which  Miss  Busy  taught 
her.  Months  passed  away  and  Sternna  almost  lived  with 
Miss  Busy,  often  remaining  over  night.  Miss  Busy  began 
to  dress  the  child;  but  ever  deferring,  in  a  ladylike  way,  to 
Madame  Junk's  opinion.  Madame  Junk  had  the  child's 
best  interest  at  heart,  and  so  had  Miss  Busy.  It  will  be 
strange  when  two  such  Christian  women  have  the  care  of 
this  child  if  they  fail  to  make  a  good  woman  of  her. 

About  this  time  Madame  Junk  and  Miss  Busy  conceived 
the  idea  of  opening  a  little  society  for  the  children,  who 
should  meet  in  the  apartments  twice  a  week.  It  should 
include  the  boys.  The  purpose,  in  part,  was  to  select  suit 
able  reading-matter,  thereby  setting  the  young  mind  upon 
the  proper  literary  road.  Speaking  and  composition  were 
to  be  taken  up  also.  They  were  also  to  be  taught  a  cer 
tain  etiquette— -how  to  enter  a  room  and  how  to  leave  it; 
the  proper  form  of  introduction;  and  various  little  accom 
plishments  which  polish  up  the  exterior.  It  was  then  that 
Madame  Junk  regretted  she  had  not  finished  her  book  on 
"The  Proper  Propagation  of  the  American  Race."  She 
would  have  forthwith  placed  it  in  the  hands  of  these  juve 
niles  for  careful  study.  As  it  was,  they  were  spared.  Miss 
Busy  ventured  to  ask  Madame  Junk  if  she  thought  the 
children  were  old  enough  to  comprehend  such  a  work. 
"With  a  little  explaining,  Madame  Junk  thought  they 
would.  So  it  was  that,  twice  every  week,  Joel's  hat  was 
dyed  over,  and  all  his  clothing  underweDt  a  severe  thump 
ing  and  brushing,  and  he  was  duly  seated  at  Miss  Busy's 
table,  receiving  such  lessons  as  were  ever  afterwards  a  bene 
fit  to  him.  Miss  Busy  was  a  beneficent  episode  in  Joel's 
life.  She  taught  him  to  declaim,  in  a  truly  heroic  way, 
Schiller's  "Diver."  She  developed  in  him  a  taste  for 
poetry.  She  actually  guided  him  around  that  dangerous 
place  in  a  boy's  life  where  he  is  inclined  to  read  demoraliz 
ing  literature.  She  took  hold  of  his  hand  and,  so  to  speak, 
jumped  with  him  over  that  sensational  chasm  into  which 


MISS  BUSY'S  WORK.  85 

our  boys  too  frequently  fall  for  the  want  of  a  careful  hand  to 
place  them  on  the  right  road.  Miss  Busy  worked  with  Joel 
in  a  field  where  brains  were  sown.  The  yield  was  good  and 
the  harvest  must  make  Joel  a  man  among  men. 

Of  all  the  children  that  Miss  Busy  taught,  Sternna  stood 
first  and  foremost.  Sternna  had  great  will  and  a  pride  that 
would  not  allow  her  to  be  a  laggard;  and  as  for  taste  and 
artistic  endowment,  Miss  Busy  said  she  was  wonderful.  It 
is  extremely  doubtful  if  she  could  now  be  induced,  upon 
any  pretext  whatever,  to  appear  in  such  a  dress  as  she  wore 
the  day  she  called  upon  Senator  A.  G.  Smith.  Sternna  had 
grown  quite  away  from  Madame  Junk  in  her  tastes.  That 
good  woman  would  bring  out  a  dress  made  over  from  one 
some  lady  had  given  her.  Sternna' s  critical  eye  would  find 
a  pucker  here  and  a  pucker  there,  which  was  out  of  order. 
It  was  all  in  vain  for  Madame  Junk  to  expostulate  or  say  it 
would  do  fur  a  school  dress.  Sternna  would  not  wear  it. 
Miss  Busy  saw  how  much  the  child  suffered,  and,  little  by 
little,  began  helping  her  out.  It  was  the  greatest  punish 
ment  for  Sternna  to  wear  clothing  that  was  not  cut  right 
and  made  right.  It  was  not  that  inordinate  love  of  dress 
which  is  thought  to  belong  exclusively  to  the  female  sex, 
but  that  disorderly  or  crooked  things  offended  her  eye. 

Kate  Glewer  was  getting  on  nicely  with  her  new  charge. 
She  had  taught  him  to  read  and  spell  words  with  one  sylla 
ble.  The  boy  sat  in  his  high  chair  between  Tom  and  Kate 
as  naturally  as  if  it  were  his  place  by  right  of  birth.  Day 
by  day  Tom  Glewer  attended  to  the  child;  he  looked  like 
a  father,  and  acted  like  one;  at  mealtime  prepared  the 
child's  food  and  placed  it  on  his  plate;  pinned  the  napkin 
about  his  neck,  and  rendered  him  other  little  fatherly 
services.  They  had  given  him  the  name  of  George  Gregory 
Glewer.  George  was  after  a  brother  of  Tom's,  and  Greg 
ory  was  after  Kate's  father.  Kate  thought  the  three  G's 
sounded  well  for  a  man,  but  a  little  odd.  And  who  knows 
but  Tom  thought  it  would  look  well  upon  a  sign  for  a  hard 
ware  store. 


86  MADAME    JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

Kate  had  frequently  met  Madame  Junk  while  that  well- 
meaning  woman  was  on  her  rounds  of  mercy.  In  due 
course  of  time,  and  through  Madame  Junk,  the  three  G-'s 
were  written  upon  Miss  Sally  Busy's  entry-book,  and  the  boy 
became  one  of  Miss  Busy's  scholars.  He  was  quick  to  learn 
from  a  book,  but  intuitively  he  was  not  over-precocious. 

Joel  continued  in  the  service  of  the  Lord,  to  use  Madame 
Junk's  language.  '  If  Miss  Busy  did  not  wholly  approve 
of  this  course,  she  had  too  much  tact  to  openly  disapprove; 
she  trusted  to  time  and  Joel's  increasing  knowledge  to  set 
things  right. 

Miss  Busy  was  a  religious  person,  and  a  church-going 
woman;  at  the  same  time  she  had  her  doubts  about  the 
Lord  requiring  children  to  serve  him  by  going  into  obscure 
haunts;  such  places  as  Madame  Junk  had  brought  Joel  up 
to  visit  for  the  purpose  of  redeeming  some  ingrate. 

This  morning  Joel  was  to  call  on  Mrs.  Jonas  Pictpink, 
and  return  the  sack.  As  he  was  passing  down  the  street  a 
gentleman  touched  him  on  the  shoulder. 

"Are  you  the  lad  that  carries  the  papers  to  the  prisoners?" 

"Yes,  Sir!" 

"Well,  I  have  a  package  of  good  papers  that  I  should 
like  to  have  you  take.  If  you  will  take  them  for  me,  I  will 
give  you  one  dollar." 

"I  will  take  the  papers,  Sir;  but  I  don't  want  a  dollar. 
It  is  too  much." 

"  Well,  then,  I  will  give  you  whatever  you  think  is  right." 

"  Two  bits  is  enough,  Sir.     Where  are  the  papers?" 

"  They  are  in  my  room,  just  over  the  way.  I  want  you 
to  give  them  all  to  one  man,  Mr.  Burns;  he  is  on  the  second 
corridor,  the  fourth  cell.  When  he  has  finished  reading 
them  he  will  hand  them  back  to  you,  and  you  can  distribute 
them  among  the  others.  You  see  there  is  an  article  run 
ning  through  the  whole  lot,  that  I  would  like  him  to  read." 

"  What  paper  is  it,  Sir?" 

"The  Christian  Advocate." 


HE    IS   A   TIPTOP   CHAP.  87 

"Oh,  all  right!" 

"I  have  them  all  tied  up  compactly.  I  would  not  have 
a  number  lost  for  anything;  so,  please,  do  not  untie  them 
for  fear  you  get  them  mixed  with  others." 

Joel  walked  over  to  the  opposite  side.  The  man  flew  up 
the  stairs,  and  soon  returned  with  the  package  of  papers, 
which  was  tied  up  tightly  with  a  strong  cord.  Joel  dumped 
them  into  his  bag,  accepted  the  two  bits,  and  went  his  way. 

We  will  take  this  opportunity  to  say  something  about  this 
man.  His  dress  was  clerical,  and  he  looked  like  a  student 
of  theology.  He  was  a  little  above  the  medium  height; 
lithe  of  limb,  and  comely  in  features;  he  wore  no  beard; 
had  small  white  hands  and  small  feet  (we  guess  they  were 
white  too).  If  we  knew  his  name  we  would  tell  you. 

Joel's  reputation  seemed  established  in  and  about  the 
jail.  No  one  questioned  his  trustworthiness;  therefore  this 
looking  him  over  before  he  went  in  had  fallen  into  disuse. 
It  was  a  well-known  fact  that  he  was  an  honest  boy,  and 
one  that  received  the  best  moral  teachings  at  home.  As 
Joel  trudged  along  with  his  load  of  papers  he  was  thinking, 
"To-morrow  I'm  to  call  on  the  Senator.  Wonder  what  he 
wants." 

"  Good  morning,"  said  Joel,  to  the  jailer. 

"  Good  morning,  Joe,"  returned  that  worthy. 

"  I  wish  you  would  unlock  Mr.  Burns' s  cell  for  me.  I 
have  a  bundle  of  papers  for  him.  A  friend  sent  them.  The 
gentleman  told  me  there  was  an  article  running  through 
them  that  he  wished  Mr.  Burns  to  read." 

"  I  will.     He  is  a  tiptop  chap.     None  of  your  small  fry." 

"  What's  he  here  for  ?" 

"  For  this;"  and  the  jailer  held  up  his  fore  and  middle 
finger,  touching  the  forefinger  with  the  end  of  the  thumb, 
and  moved  his  hand  back  and  forth  in  the  form  of  writing. 
"  Christian  Advocate,  hey?  Ha!  ha!  ha!  J  guess  this 
namby-pamby  twaddle  will  fix  him."  The  jailer  unlocked 
the  door,  and  Joel  handed  Mr.  Burns  the  papers,  at  the 
same  time  delivering  the  verbal  message. 


CHAPTEK  XIII. 

TOO  MANY  GOOD   THINGS  WILL  GIVE  A  MAN  WINGS- 
ARRESTED  AND  IN  JAIL. 

"  TANE!  JANE!  Ho  there,  Jane  Junk!"  bellowed  Mad- 
^J  ame  Junk's  estimable  brother-in-law,  Samuel  Blower. 

Madame  Junk  put  her  head  out  of  the  door,  and  wanted 
to  know  what  was  wanted. 

Samuel  nodded  and  smiled,  bobbing  his  head  over  his 
shoulder  as  he  turned  to  go  into  the  house. 

"  'Ere  is  ha  friend  inquiring  for  you.  'E  is  ha  rough- 
looking  chap.  'E  will  'ave  to  be  born  over,  Hi'm  thinking." 
"With  this  piece  of  pleasantry,  Samuel  went  into  his  'ouse. 

"  "What  is  it,  my  good  man  ?"  said  Madame  Junk,  coming 
down  the  steps. 

"  By  me  sowl!  it  is  divel  a  bit  ye  know  me.  It  was  after 
killing  me  ye  was." 

"  How?  Explain  yourself,"  said  Madame  Junk,  not  rec 
ognizing  her  peppered  friend. 

"  The  sthuff  ye  left  for  me  sister  narely  killed  her  brother. 
Nary  a  bit  could  I  ate  fur  twinty  days." 

"  Oh!"  said  Madame  Junk,  just  beginning  to  see  that  this 
was  the  brother  of  the  poor  blind  woman;  "  How  is  your 
sister  ?" 

' '  May  the  Lord  have  mercy  on  her  sowl !  She  is  died 
entirely." 

"  Poor  thing!"  said  Madame  Junk. 

No  wonder  she  did  not  know  the  man.  He  had  lost  at 
least  twenty-five  pounds  of  flesh.  He  was  all  rags  and  tat 
ters.  One  pantaloon  leg  slitted  up  to  the  knee;  old  slippers 


ME    WHISTLE    IS   DRY.  89 

on  his  feet,  without  socks;  no  vest  or  suspenders;  a  ragged 
shirt,  without  buttons,  from  which  his  bare,  brawny  neck 
protruded,  burnt  scarlet  from  exposure  to  the  sun;  a  very- 
short,  thin  cotton  coat,  with  its  sleeves  reaching  a  few  inches 
below  the  elbow;  a  lady's  white  chip  hat — and  you  behold 
Madame  Junk's  old  friend,  who  is  not  overfond  of  red 
pepper.  There  was  a  thoughtful,  discouraged  expression 
on  Madame  Junk's  face  as  she  looked  at  this  man. 

"  I  see  you  are  in  need  of  clothing." 

"  And,  faith,  a  wee  bit  of  a  rag  woll  not  be  after  making 
me  sick." 

"  Sit  down  on  the  steps,  and  I  will  see  what  I  can  do  for 
you."  The  good  woman  went  up  the  steps,  and  was  not 
long  in  finding  all  the  requisites  for  making  a  new  man. 

But  where  could  the  man  dress  ?  He  could  not  dress  out 
of  doors,  that  was  sure.  Madame  Junk,  having  but  one 
room,  she  would  sit  on  the  steps  while  he  was  dressing. 
She  laid  everything  out  with  as  much  care  as  if  it  were  for 
a  husband  who  was  about  to  attend  a  ball.  She  opened 
the  door,  and  bade  the  man  come  up.  After  giving  him 
orders  how  to  put  them  on,  she  retired  to  the  steps  to 
give  him  an  opportunity  to  dress.  Waiting  some  twenty 
minutes,  she  softly  rapped  at  the  door. 

"Most  done?" 

"Arrah!  and  it  is  done,  I  am;"  and  Mr.  Hickey  stood 
before  Madame  Junk's  small  looking-glass,  viewing  himself 
with  satisfaction.  "If  I  had  a  bit  of  a  mouthful  to  ate,  I 
should  be  after  faling  like  a  gintlemen,  entirely." 

"You  shall  have  that,"  said  Madame  Junk,  handing  him 
a  piece  of  meat  and  bread;  of  which  he  took  a  huge  mouthful 
and  pitched  it  from  one  cheek  to  the  other,  with  the  end  of 
his  tongue.  He  drew  up  his  neck  like  a  hen  that  has  some 
thing  in  her  throat  she  cannot  swallow. 

"Me  whistle  is  dry,  and  faverish;  have  ye  a  wee  drop  of 
the  crater?". 

Madame  Junk  handed  him  a  cool  drink  of  water.     He 


90  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

touched  his  lips  to  it,  and  informed  his  hostess  that  he  could 
not  drink  it.  The  last  time  he  drank  a  glass  it  gave  him 
the  cramps  in  the  stomach,  and  he  fell  down  in  a  fit,  which 
lasted  two  days. 

Madame  Junk  had  donned  her  bonnet  and  shawl,  and 
told  the  man  to  come  with  her.  As  they  passed  out  of 
Samuel  Blower's  front  gate,  the  neighbors  were  mean 
enough  to  say  that  Madame  Junk  had  a  beau.  That  lady's 
mind  was  upon  other  things.  As  she  glanced  at  the  man 
at  her  side  she  thought  of  the  kingdom  of  heaven:  "Do 
ye  unto  others  as  ye  would  they  should  do  unto  you." 
"Unless  a  man  be  born  again,  he  cannot  enter  the  king 
dom  of  heaven." 

Mr.  Hickey  was  not  en  route  for  that  place  this  morning; 
but  for  a  high  hill,  some  little  distance  from  Madame  Junk's 
abode,  where  fifteen  or  twenty  men  were  at  work,  grading. 
Madame  Junk  called  out  the  foreman  of  the  job,  and  asked 
him  to  employ  this  man.  She  was  informed  he  did  not 
need  any  more  men;  but  the  lady  held  on  with  the  tenacity 
characteristic  of  her,  and  at  last  succeeded  in  securing  the 
work  for  her  protege,  at  the  rate  of  one  dollar  per  day.  As 
she  turned  about  to  congratulate  the  man  upon  his  good 
fortune,  he  was  nowhere  to  be  seen.  He  had  fled,  leaving 
the  lady  crestfallen  enough.  The  foreman  laughed,  and 
the  men  laughed;  and,  pointing  in  the  direction  of  the  city, 
said  they  saw  the  man  run  as  if  he  were  shot  out  of  a  gun. 
Madame  Junk  said  she  had  done  her  duty,  and  turned  and 
walked  toward  home,  muttering  every  now  and  then,  "Not 
born  right!  not  born  right!  I  declare,  I  must  finish  my 
work  on  the  Proper  Propagation  of  the  American  Kace." 

The  next  morning  Joel  left  home  on  his  daily  mission. 
He  had  not  proceeded  far  before  he  was  arrested;  his  pack 
age  of  papers  taken  from  him,  and  he  was  walked  off  to 
jail,  and  placed  in  the  cell  that  was  vacated  last  night. 
The  fact  of  Joel's  not  returning  to  lunch  did  not  surprise 
Madame  Junk  so  much;  but  when  evening  came  on,  and  no 


ARRESTED.  9 1 

Joel,  she  became  truly  alarmed,  and  nervous.  Her  nerves 
had  just  received  a  fresh  shock,  for  there  was  Samuel  call 
ing  in  his  usual  way : 

"Jane!  Jane!  Ho  there,  Jane  Junk;  come  hout!"  She 
opened  the  door,  when  Samuel  spoke  more  softly,  with 
something  of  concern  in  his  tone.  "Come  hover,  Jane; 
I've  something  to  tell  you." 

Poor  Madame  Junk,  trembling  in  every  limb,  and  full  of 
apprehension  about  Joel,  went  over.  She  had  not  more 
than  entered  the  door,  when  Mrs.  Blower,  who  seemed 
anxious  to  be  the  first  to  break  the  unwelcome  news, 
screamed: 

"  Joel  is  arrested,  and  in  jail!" 

"Joel  arrested?"  said  Madame  Junk,  in  a  faint  voice. 

"  Yes,  Jane.  I've  always  told  you  'twould  be  so;  I  knew 
it  would  end  in  this  way.  I've  told  you,  time  and  time 
again,  the  boy  would  come  to  a  bad  end;  and  you  see,  I 
was  right." 

"  'Old  your  tongue,  Bet  Blower;  his  that  the  way  to 
talk  when  a  body  his  hin  trouble?" 

At  length  Madame  Junk  found  words  to  ask  what  Joel 
was  arrested  for.  Samuel  picked  up  the  daily  paper  and 
proceeded  to  read  a  detailed  account  of  the  proceedings, 
when  there  came  a  very  loud  rap  at  the  door.  Samuel 
opened  it,  and  there  stood  two  officers  of  the  law. 

"Is  Mrs.  Jane  Junk  here?" 

"Yes,  Sir." 

"I  have  a  warrant  for  her  arrest." 

"Ho,  ho!  Oh!  dear  me,  that  one  of  our  family  should 
come  to  this !"  and  Betsy  Blower  began  rocking  back  and 
forth  in  a  truly  hysterical  way. 

But  Madame  Junk  was  equal  to  the  time.  Her  tall  figure 
became  more  erect,  her  blue  eye  flashed,  and  there  swept 
over  her  face  a  haughty  expression  of  supreme  contempt. 
She  turned  to  her  sister,  with  the  utmost  sangfroid  in  her 
tone: 


92  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"  Why  alarm  yourself,  Betsy?" 

She  turned  to  the  officers,  and  with  a  look  of  command 
said: 

"Gentlemen,  I  shall  require  you  to  read  me  the  war 
rant/'  One  of  them  stepped  forward,  and  in  a  respectful 
way  read  the  warrant  for  the  arrest  of  Mrs.  Jane  Junk. 

"Is  that  all?" 

"  Yes,  Madame/5 

"Has  Joel  Junk  been  arrested  for  the  same  offense?" 

"Yes,  Madame." 

All  this  time  Betsy  had  been  "oh  dealing"  in  the  corner, 
and  wondering  what  the  church  would  say.  Samuel  stood, 
with  folded  arms,  looking  first  at  his  sister-in-law,  and  then 
at  the  officers.  "When  the  warrant  had  been  read  he  stepped 
up  and  laid  his  hands  on  Madame  Junk's  shoulders : 

"  You  will  not  go  to  jail,  Jane;  I  will  be  your  bondsman." 

"No,  Samuel;  I  shall  not  accept  you." 

"Not  accept  me!  Jane,  what  hever  do  you  mean?  You 
do  not  mean  that  you  will  go  to  jail  ?" 

"Yes,  I  do.  If  it  is  good  enough  for  Joel,  it  is  good 
enough  for  me.  The  boy  is  just  as  innocent  as  I  am." 

"Jane,  you  are  hout  of  your  Jead." 

"No,  Samuel;  my  head  is  clear.  God  is  with  me,  and 
will  protect  me;  in  Him  I  place  my  trust." 

In  vain  the  officers  joined  with  Samuel  in  trying  to  in 
duce  Madame  Junk  to  accept  her  brother-in-law  as  bonds 
man.  Betsy  gave  any  amount  of  small  screams;  but  all  to 
no  purpose.  Betsy  declared  that  such  works  were  enough 
to  make  Oliver  Cromwell  turn  in  his  grave;  that  his  true 
descendants  should  be  lugged  off  to  a  common  jail. 

"Well,  Jane,  Hi  will  go  down  with  you." 

"No,  Samuel;  your  wife  needs  you;  I  do  not." 

She  asked  the  officers  for  time  to  get  ready.  She  went 
over  to  her  own  little  room;  took  a  few  handkerchiefs,  a 
shawl,  her  bonnet,  and  a  pair  of  well-worn  kid  gloves,  which 
she  drew  on  with  care,  hooking  them  at  the  wrist  as  if  she 


IN   JAIL.  .  93 

were  about  to  attend  a  grand  reception,  in  place  of  going 
to  jail.  It  was  then  between  ten  and  eleven  o'clock  at 
night.  She  stepped  firmly  out,  and  said : 

"Gentlemen,  I  am  ready/' 

Her  voice  was  as  musical  as  a  harp  whose  chords  are 
stretched  to  their  utmost  tension;  another  turn  of  the  key 
and  they  would  break.  Some  memory  of  her  oldtime  life 
must  have  been  with  her;  for  she  was  all  grace,  and  even 
queenly,  in  her  carriage.  In  that  moment  she  seemed  to 
have  regained  the  dignity  with  which  she  was  wont  to  rule 
in  former  years.  She  seemed  an  actress,  making  reality  of 
unreality.  Her  bearing  was  such  as  might  awe  those  who 
had  never  studied  the  inmost  impulses  of  the  human  heart. 
Self-created  heroes  make  as  much  impression  on  the  small 
mind  as  the  real  ones. 

Madame  Junk  left  her  sister  lamenting  the  downfall  of 
Oliver  Cromwell's  descendants,  and  walked  away  with  the 
officers  in  abject  silence.  In  that  little  pedestrian  trip  from 
Madame  Junk's  room  to  the  jail,  she  was  a  Cleopatra  with 
out  a  Mark  Antony.  The  silence  was  only  broken  once, 
when  she  asked  if  she  could  look  in  upon  Joel  before  she 
was  locked  up.  They  thought  she  could. 

When  they  arrived  at  the  jail,  the  officer  spoke  in  a  low 
tone  to  the  turnkey,  who  looked  at  Madame  Junk  with  a 
grin  of  pleasure.  Their  eyes  met,  his  mouth  suddenly  con 
tracted,  and  his  face  settled  into  a  keep-still  expression,  if 
not  respect.  The  great  door  was  unlocked,  the  two  officers 
touched  their  hats  to  Madame  Junk,  the  turnkey  invited 
her  to  step  in,  and  following  after,  he  closed  the  door. 
Madame  Junk  walked  behind  him  down  the  corridor,  until 
he  stopped  before  a  cell-door. 

' '  Your  son  is  in  here.  You  can  speak  through  the  grate, 
if  you  wish;  but  I  guess  he's  asleep." 

Madame  Junk  placed  her  mouth  close  to  the  grate,  and 
spoke  low,  but  with  that  same  musical,  quivering  voice : 

'  'Joel!  Joel!  Joel!    My  dear  boy,  your  mother  is  here!" 


94  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

Joel  sat  up  in  bed,  and  as  the  light  of  the  jailer's  lantern 
fell  on  Madame  Junk's  face,  and  the  shadows  of  the  iron 
bars  fell  athwart  it,  there  was  something  strangely  weird  in 
the  picture.  Joel  did  not  speak. 

"Joel,  are  you  awake?    Do  speak  to  me?" 

"  Mother,  do  you  think  I  have  done  anything  bad,  that  I 
am  here?" 

"No,  Joel;  I  know  you  have  not.  Do  you  think  I  have 
done  anything  bad,  that  I  am  here  ?  " 

"You  arrested,  mother?" 

"Yes,  Joel;  lam." 

Many  thoughts  passed  through  JoePs  brain  in  a  moment. 
In  that  moment,  he  rebelled  against  God  and  the  Bible. 
He  thought  the  Lord  was  making  a  poor  return  for  Madame 
Junk's  years  of  service.  He  did  not  understand  that  sanc- 
tification  followed  crucifixion. 

"Joel,  be  of  good  heart;  we  shall  not  remain  in  this 
place  long." 

The  turnkey  asked  Madame  Junk  if  she  would  like  the 
cell  next  to  Joel.  It  was  a  needless  question;  for,  had  he 
placed  her  there  without  asking  it,  he  would  have  been  just 
as  sure  of  her  thanks. 

"Good  night,  Joel.  Ask  God  to  help  us,  and  go  to 
sleep." 

The  last  injunction  he  thought  well  enough;  but  the  for 
mer  he  had  his  doubts  about.  Joel  had  been  taught  to  say 
his  prayers  every  night.  He  had  been  taught  to  "Ask,  and 
ye  shall  receive,"  but  he  could  not  remember  once  when 
those  prayers  had  been  answered. 

It  is  no  wonder  the  poor  boy  was  discouraged.  He  could 
not  sleep;  he  was  thinking  about  God  and  the  devil.  We 
hope  Joel's  experience  will  not  make  him  an  infidel. 

When  Madame  Junk  was  locked  within  the  walls  of  her 
cell,  she  devoted  one  hour  to  prayer.  She  prayed  that  she 
might  be  delivered  from  the  hands  of  the  Philistines. 
After  this  hour  of  prayer,  if  we  analyze  her  feelings,  we 


REPORTERS   VISIT   THE   BLOWERS.  95 

shall  find  a  sort  of  contentment  about  them,  and  a  rather- 
like-it  sort  of  a  feeling.  There  is  nothing  so  very  bad  about 
being  a  martyr,  provided  you  are  not  burned  at  the  stake, 
or  hung,  or  in  some  other  way  destroyed.  It  is  the  rule  in 
this  country,  and,  doubtless,  ever  will  be,  that  after  prayer 
we  proceed  to  business.  To  this  rule,  Madame  Junk  is  no 
exception.  There  was  no  one  to  interfere  with  her  plan 
ning;  but 

"  The  best  laid  schemes  o'  mice  and  men  gang  aft  aglee." 

This  lady  laid  plans  that  would  have  occupied  the  time  of 
a  small  army.  True,  we  never  knew  this  woman  to  pre 
meditate  a  thing  which  could  not  be  executed.  But  the 
thing  was  to  find  some  one,  or  some  number  of  individuals, 
to  put  her  plans  into  operation.  "Whatever  might  have  been 
Madame  Junk's  motives  for  refusing  her  brother-in-law  for 
bondsman,  they  are  unknown  to  us.  Next  morning  all  the 
daily  papers  gave  their  readers  a  full  account  of  how  Mr. 
Burns  broke  out  of  jail,  taking  with  him  four  other  prison 
ers;  how  it  was  all  brought  about — by  an  old  woman  named 
Junk,  and  her  son  Joe;  how  she  had  for  years  been  serving 
the  prisoners  with  papers,  and  that,  too,  under  the  guise  of 
a  Christian.  Now  she  was  in  jail,  and  should  have  been 
there  years  ago.  The  readers  of  the  daily  press  were  in 
formed  how  keys  had  been  furnished  by  Joel  and  his  mother. 
The  Christian  Advocate  had  been  disgraced,  and  the  editor 
of  that  sheet  thought  of  bringing  suit  against  the  county  for 
defamation  of  character. 

Reporters  visited  the  Blowers,  and  wrote  them  up;  went 
up  to  Madame  Junk's  room,  hauled  out  all  the  coats,  got 
out  the  jug  of  logwood  dye,  and,  so  eager  were  they  to  have 
the  world  know  the  truth,  they  took  a  drink,  thinking  it  was 
port  wine.  It  will  be  safe  to  suppose  they  are  dyed  in  the 
wool  now.  It  was  thought  that  this  eccentric  woman  was 
at  the  head  of  a  band  of  thieves;  for  there  had  been  exten 
sive  robberies  committed,  and  no  trace  of  the  robbers  could 


96  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

be  found.  Such  was  the  news  that  greeted  the  eyes  of 
Madame  Junk's  friends. 

The  next  question  was,  What  did  an  honest  woman  want 
with  all  those  hats,  coats,  and  boots,  and  a  variety  of  other 
things.  If  Samuel  Blower  attempted  to  do  his  sister-in-law 
justice  by  stating  she  gave  them  to  the  poor,  he  was  told  he 
could  reserve  his  evidence  for  the  trial.  In  vain,  Betsy  en 
deavored  to  turn  the  tide  in  their  favor  by  relating  that  they 
were  the  descendants  of  Oliver  Cromwell.  Betsy  was  asked 
if  Mr.  Cromwell  lived  in  the  city,  and  if  so,  why  didn't  she 
call  on  him,  and  request  that  gentleman  to  do  something  for 
her  sister.  Betsy  gave  such  other  little  statements  as  tended 
toward  respectable  family  relations;  but  all  this  availed 
nothing.  These  knights  of  the  quill  interspersed  the  family 
relations  and  Oliver  Cromwell  with  the  hats,  coats,  and  jug 
of  logwood  dye. 

"We  are  under  the  painful  necessity  of  leaving  Madame 
Junk  and  Joel  in  jail  for  a  few  days,  and,  as  we  are  confi 
dent  that  a  certain  portion  of  our  Christian  readers  will  pray 
for  their  release,  we  must  now  turn  our  attention  toward  an 
obscure  business-house. 


CHAPTEE   XIV. 

A  NIGHTBIRD'S  NEST— AN  ENGLISH  LADY  MEETS  A 
MEMBER  OF  CONGRESS. 

WE  have  not  as  yet  introduced  the  reader  to  Mr. 
Jonas  Pictpink.  We  have  not  even  told  what 
that  worthy  man  follows  for  a  profession.  Jonas  Pictpink 
was  a  man  small  of  stature — quite  a  pigmy  beside  Mrs. 
Pictpink — with  iron-gray  hair,  and  blue  eyes.  He  was 
somewhat  stoop-shouldered.  His  calling  came  under  the 
head  of  assistant  sexton — a  sort  of  a  brevet  grave-digger ; 
but  this  was  not  all  the  labor  he  performed.  He  acted  in 
the  capacity  of  an  after- twelve-o'clock-at-night  expressman; 
a  general  porter  for  storing  away  things. 

Few  men  walked  the  streets  at  night  who  could  boast  of 
a  larger  private  body-guard  than  could  Jonas  Pictpink. 
If  he  was  out  after  twelve  o'clock  at  night,  he  was  sure  to 
have  at  least  three  well-dressed  men  in  advance  of  him, 
and  as  many  more  in  the  rear,  besides  one  or  more  in  the 
vicinity  of  his  residence.  This  precaution  was  taken,  be 
cause  it  was  in  no  way  safe  for  a  man  to  tramp  the  streets 
of  San  Francisco,  at  that  time,  without  sufficient  protection 
from  the  night-watchmen  who  were  always  prowling  about 
where  they  should  not  be;  and  if  you  had  valuable  things 
about  your  person,  ten  to  one  they  would  not  rob  you. 
Mr.  Pictpink  was  seldom  out  without  having  a  load  of 
snoes,  cloth  for  gentlemen's  wear,  silver-ware,  or  money, 
and  sometimes  diamonds;  hence,  the  necessity  of  a  guard 
who  could  buttonhole  a  night-watchman  and  ask  him  in  to 
"smile." 
7 


98  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

To-night,  Mrs.  Pictpink  must  be  expecting  company,  for 
she  is  in  the  private  room.  There  is  nothing  remarkable 
about  this  room.  There  is  a  lounge  covered  with  green,  a 
small  looking-glass  on  the  wall,  two  or  three  chairs,  and  a 
round  table,  a  faded  carpet  on  the  floor,  which  is  tacked 
down  on  two  sides.  The  tacks  are  sticking  up  on  the  other 
sides  ready  to  be  driven  in  at  any  nioment.  Mrs.  Pictpink 
must  be  weary,  for  she  has  stretched  herself  upon  the  green 
lounge,  and  is  snoring  lustily. 

Three  feet  above  the  lounge  there  was  a  piece  of  the  wall 
paper  cut  out.  It  was  four  inches  square,  and  hung  on 
one  side  like  a  book  leaf.  Under  this  was  a  tube  that  fitted 
flat  to  the  wall.  If  you  pull  this  square  piece  of  paper 
down  over  the  tube,  you  will  find  it  matches  the  stripes  on 
the  paper  as  neatly  as  can  be.  It  had  been  handled  with 
care,  for  there  were  no  finger-marks  upon  it.  To-night 
this  aperture  was  open.  It  might  have  been  to  give  Mrs. 
Pictpink  air,  for  there  was  no  window  in  the  room. 

Mrs.  Pictpink  gave  a  grunt,  and  placing  one  hand  on  the 
floor,  slid  off  from  the  lounge  on  her  knees,  for  she  was 
unable  to  arise  in  any  other  way.  She  rubbed  her  small 
eyes,  and  poured  from  a  broken  pitcher  a  glass  of  beer, 
which  she  drank,  and  wiped  her  mouth  with  the  back  of 
her  hand.  She  was  evidently  listening.  We  have  been 
told  that  "walls  have  ears."  If  they  have  ears,  why  not 
mouths?  There  must  have  been  a  mouth  about  this  wall, 
for  it  spoke,  and  the  words  sounded  like  "neat,"  "neat/' 
"neat."  Mrs.  Pictpink  seemed  to  understand  it,  for  she 
went  to  the  door,  took  out  a  bunch  of  keys,  unlocked  a 
padlock,  shoved  a  bolt,  stepped  out,  and  spoke  low  to  a 
dog  that  lay  chained  near  the  door.  She  went  through  the 
same  manoeuvre  at  the  gate  (with  the  exception  that  the 
dogs  were  two-legged)  of  a  high  board-fence  around  her 
small  back  yard  inclosure.  She  opened  a  gate  just  wide 
enough  to  let  a  man  in,  closing  it  quickly.  The  man 
whispered  to  her,  and  passed  into  the  private  room.  Mrs. 


THE    PRIVATE    ROOM.  99 

Pictpink  held  the  gate  a  moment,  then  opened  it  again. 
This  time  Jonas  Pictpink  passed  in  with  a  huge  bundle 
resting  on  his  shoulders.  Again  she  closed  it,  this  time 
holding  it  about  five  minutes,  when  two  men  came  up  and 
gave  the  countersign  in  a  neat  way,  for  they  said  "neat" 
three  times.  The  gate  was  then  closed,  padlocked,  and 
bolted.  The  only  sound  that  was  to  be  heard  when  Mrs. 
Pictpink  returned  to  the  private  room,  was  a  long  breath 
from  each  one  in  turn — a  sort  of  a  sigh  of  relief,  such  as  a 
man  might  give  vent  to  after  performing  some  arduous 
labor.  Their  conversation  was  done  in  pantomime.  Jonas 
Pictpink  had  slewed  the  pack  from  his  back.  The  first 
man  that  entered  laid  back  the  carpet,  the  third  had  fixed 
the  trap  door  in  the  floor,  the  fourth  man  was  at  work  with 
that  little  square  piece  of  paper  on  the  wall,  and  Mrs.  Pict 
pink  stood  with  arms  akimbo  looking  on.  One  by  one 
they  disappeared  in  the  aperture  in  the  floor.  We  don't 
know  where  they  have  gone.  They  may  have  gone  down 
to  that  bottomless  pit  where  good  men  don't  go. 

Mrs.  Pictpink  closed  the  trap-door,  smoothed  back  the 
faded  carpet,  and  everything  looked  as  straight  as  a  string. 
The  room  resumed  its  innocent  don't-know-nothing  sort  of 
a  look.  Mrs.  Pictpink  took  another  glass  of  beer,  waddled 
back  to  the  lounge,  and  came  down  with  such  force  that 
the  poor  object  creaked  in  very  anguish  under  two  hundred 
and  fifty  pounds  of  sin.  "We  will  bid  good  night  to  this 
dark  foreboding  business-house  and  turn  to  scenes  that  will 
bear  the  light  of  day. 

Madame  Junk  and  Joel  have  waited  patiently  for  us  to 
release  them.  It  is  useless  to  relate  all  the  petty  persecu 
tions  that  Joel  underwent  from  the  turnkey  and  his  trus 
ties.  With  Madame  Junk  it  was  different.  No  matter  how 
many  times  they  made  up  their  minds  to  insult  "  the  old 
woman/'  as  they  called  her,  they  never  did  it.  Some  how 
when  they  came  into  her  presence  they  felt  ashamed.  She 
always  addressed  them  in  apostolic  language  as  if  they  were 


IOO  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND   JOE. 

the  most  polished  gentlemen  that  ever  graced  a  lady's 
saloon.  She  treated  them  as  if  she  actually  supposed  they 
had  manhood. 

Very  few  scoundrels  can  withstand  a  woman's  innocent, 
indirect  appeal  to  their  honor;  an  honor  she  plays  they 
have,  and  plays  it  so  adroitly  that  they  are  fooled  into  the 
belief  that  it  is  real.  Who  knows  but  Madame  Junk,  dur 
ing  her  sojourn  in  that  jail,  may  awaken  a  wish  in  those 
men's  hearts  to  be  what  they  thought  she  thought  them. 
Madame  Junk  considered  it  better  to  sow  good  seed  in 
poor  soil  than  to  spend  your  time  in  idleness.  Her  motto 
was,  if  you  cannot  have  a  garden  full  of  flowers,  one  little 
rose  is  better  than  nothing. 

Madame  Junk  did  not  allow  Miss  Sally  Busy  and 
Sternna  to  call  upon  her.  Sternna  was  quite  a  little  Miss, 
beautiful  and  attractive.  She  had  learned  that  Madame 
Junk  was  not  her  mother,  but  in  those  letters  which  she 
sent  to  the  jail  it  was  always,  "My  very  dear  mother  and 
brother.'3  She  knew  that  they  were  innocent.  When  any 
one  addressed  her  as  Sternna  Junk,  she  gave  a  little  start. 
This,  Miss  Busy  never  did.  She  dropped  the  Junk  and 
called  her  Miss  Sternna.  Often  Miss  Busy  would  watch 
the  girl  as  she  sat  in  thoughtful  mood,  and  she  knew  that 
her  sensitive  soul  suffered.  This  drew  the  girl  nearer  to 
her,  and  she  could  not  have  watched  over  the  child  with 
more  solicitude  if  she  had  been  her  own  mother.  This 
morning  Sternna  had  received  a  letter  from  Madame  Junk, 
inclosing  one  to  Senator  A.  Gr.  Smith,  which  she  wished 
Sternna  to  deliver  in  person.  Sternna  never  made  a  move 
without  the  full  sanction  of  Miss  Busy,  no  matter  if  it  was 
her  mother's  orders.  When  Sternna  told  Miss  Busy  what 
her  mother  wished,  there  came  between  that  lady's  eyes 
two  distinct  lines,  which  are  thought  to  indicate  that  a 
woman  will  have  two  husbands;  but  Miss  Busy  had  never 
had  any. 

"I  wish  mother  had  not  asked  me  to  do  this,"  said 
Sternna. 


THE    LETTER.  IOI 

"  Do  you  dislike  to  do  it  very  much?" 
"  Oh!  so  much.     I  shall  never  have  courage  to  go/' 
Again  the  two  husbands  appeared  between  Miss  Busy's 
eyes. 

"Would  you  like  to  have  me  go  for  you  ?  " 
"Oh!  I  should  be  so  thankful  to  you,  Miss  Busy,  if  you 
would.     The  gentleman  would  not  mind  me,  but  he  would 
pay  great  attention  to  you." 

The  deep  interest  Miss  Busy  felt  in  Joel,  would  lead  her 
to  compromise  her  dignity  to  almost  any  extent.  The 
reader  must  appreciate  the  favor  which  Miss  Busy  was 
about  to  grant  when  they  understand  the  native  English 
animosity  toward  our  constituents  and  our  American 
Statesmen.  We  have  but  two  she  did  not  hold  in  the 
most  supreme  contempt.  Those  two  were  Senators  Sumner 
and  Schurz,  and  these,  she  claimed,  gained  their  knowledge 
in  the  Old  World.  Miss  Busy  declared  that  no  man  was  fit 
for  Congress  who  had  not  given  much  time  to  the  system 
of  government;  she  thought  they  should  study  the  old 
Roman  law. 

The  more  and  more  she  thought  of  Joel,  the  firmer  be 
came  her  resolve  to  plead  his  cause  with  this  man  of  influ 
ence.  Miss  Busy  never  for  one  moment  doubted  Joel's 
innocence,  but  she  had  her  doubts  about  Madame  Junk's 
views  on  God  and  duty;  she  believed  in  that  woman's  good 
intentions,  but  had  little  faith  in  her  judgment.  Miss  Busy 
had  taken  an  interest  in  Joel  and  Sternna  which  she  had 
never  been  known  to  take  in  any  one  before.  One  would 
suppose  a  lady  of  Miss  Busy's  aristocratic  turn  of  mind  must 
know  what  society  should  be,  and  would  require  to  know 
the  parentage  of  these  children.  Her  fancy  had  ever  placed 
Sternna  amidst  distinguished  English  ancestors,  while,  for 
Joel,  her  mind  sought  out  a  birthright  amid  American  enter 
prise.  Miss  Busy  thought  the  mettle  of  which  Joel  was  com 
posed  was  a  grain  coarser  than  that  in  Sternna' s  make-up. 
In  .Joel,  she  saw  the  ring  of  the  true  American  vim — the 


IO2  MADAME    JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

Yankee  "snap/'  as  she  was  pleased  to  term  it.  Miss  Busy 
believed  blood  would  tell,  and  she  prided  herself  upon  the 
classification  of  it.  We  shall  leave  our  readers  to  judge  for 
themselves  of  Miss  Busy's  discernment. 

Miss  Busy  was  to  make  her  first  call  upon  an  American 
Senator.  She  would  dress  herself  with  unusual  care,  not 
that  she  respected  our  Senators,  but  because  she  respected 
herself,  you  know.  She  would  show  this  American  Senator 
how  a  proper  English  lady  should  behave  herself.  When 
Miss  Busy  had  attired  herself,  it  would  be  impossible  for 
any  one  to  look  more  prim;  the  stiff  black  ribbon  on  her 
bonnet  fluttered  and  snapped  in  the  breeze,  and  seemed  to 
say,  "We  are  English!  we  are  English!" 

When  she  arrived  at  the  Senator's  residence,  she  walked 
erect  up  the  marble  steps,  rang  the  bell,  and  handed  in  her 
card.  The  Senator  was  in;  and  notwithstanding  he  said  it 
was  a  devilish  queer  name,  he  would  see  the  lady. 

Miss  Busy  was  shown  in.  The  Senator  arose  and  waved 
her  to  a  seat  in  an  easy  chair.  Taking  one  himself,  he 
placed  a  hand  on  each  knee,  and  looked  blandly  at  Miss 
Busy,  as  much  as  to  say,  '  'What  next,  Madame?"  She  handed 
him  Madame  Junk's  letter,  and  glanced  ever  and  anon  in  a 
well-bred  way  as  he  read  it.  When  he  had  finished,  the 
Senator  remarked:  Yes,  that  he  had  read  the  account  of 
Madame  Junk's  misfortunes,  adding  that  he  was  greatly 
astonished,  as  he  should  not  have  taken  Madame  Junk  to 
be  a  person  who  would  be  guilty  of  such  a  deed. 

"In  this  you  are  right,"  replied  Miss  Busy;  "Madame 
Junk  is  innocent  of  a  wrong  thought  or  deed.  I  hope  you 
will  grant  her  request,  for  the  sake  of  the  boy.  Joel  has  for 
some  time  been  a  pupil  of  mine,  and  manifests  great  pro 
ficiency  in  elocution.  With  proper  direction,  this  boy's 
place  upon  the  world's  stage  will  be  one  of  prominence." 

"Indeed!" 

Miss  Busy  went  on:  "I  have  taken  a  great  interest  in 
Joel;  the  time  I  have  given  him  has  been  free  of  charge,  and 
shall  be  so  in  the  future." 


TWO    BIRDS    WITH    ONE    STONE.  103 

"  You  are  kind.  I  should  judge  from  your  remarks  that 
you  are  a  teacher." 

"Yes,  Sir;  I  am  a  private  governess  in  my  own  house. 
I  have  charge  of  children  from  three  families.  What  I  do 
for  charity  is  done  outside  the  hours  I  give  to  them.  Those 
who  employ  a  private  teacher  do  so  to  be  exclusive,  and  I 
would  not  violate  their  confidence  by  bringing  their  children 
into  contact  with  objects  of  charity." 

"Quite  right,"  replied  the  Senator,  picking  up  Madame 
Junk's  letter  again,  thus  reminding  Miss  Busy  that  she  had 
drifted  away  from  the  object  of  her  visit. 

"Senator,  I  assure  you,  did  I  not  fully  and  entirely  be 
lieve  in  Madame  Junk's  and  Joel's  innocence,  I  should  not 
have  called  upon  you  this  morning." 

"Are  they  relatives  of  yours?" 

The  two  husbands  between  the  eyes  came  out  in  bold 
relief,  her  lips  grew  thinner  and  more  compressed,  her  eyes 
flashed  a  little  flash,  as  she  replied,  "  They  are  Americans! " 

There  was  a  whole  volume  in  those  three  words.  The 
entire  corrupt  governmental  system  of  the  United  States 
was  in  those  three  words.  The  Senator  saw  that  he  had 
made  a  mistake,  and  caught  himself  by,  "I  beg  your  pardon; 
it  is  not  often  we  meet  with  so  much  kindness; "  and  before 
Miss  Busy  had  time  to  reply  to  this  courtesy,  the  Senator 
asked  her  what  branches  she  taught.  The  two  husbands 
retired  from  between  the  eyes,  and  she  answered  in  softened 
tones:  "English,  French,  German,  Music,  Drawing  and 
Painting;  and  she  modestly  added,  "If  the  parents  desire, 
I  teach  Etiquette." 

"Indeed!  Miss  Busy,  I  think  you  must  be  a  desirable 
acquisition  to  our  society.  We  Americans  are  so  deficient 
in  those  little  accomplishments  which  give  tone  to  society." 

Miss  Busy  was  flattered.  It  was  not  often  she  met  an 
American  who  was  honest  enough  to  speak  of  our  short 
comings  in  such  an  open  manner.  Miss  Busy  encouraged 
the  Senator  by  affirming  that  our  country  was  young. 


1O4  MADAME    JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

The  Senator  smiled,  and  said  he  thought  we  were  old 
enough  to  behave  ourselves.  Miss  Busy  smiled,  and  said 
all  good  things  must  have  time. 

The  Senator  seemed  to  be  thinking. 

' '  I  have  a  young  daughter  whom  I  am  anxious  to  place  in 
charge  of  some  competent  lady.  If  you  will  consent  to 
conduct  her  education  for  a  year  or  so,  I  shall  consider  my 
self  fortunate  in  having  met  you.  Eventually,  I  intend 
sending  her  to  Europe."  This  time  Miss  Busy  smiled  a 
genuine  smile,  and  replied,  that  nothing  would  give  her 
more  pleasure,  and  she  would  endeavor  to  discharge  her 
duties  in  a  satisfactory  manner.  Had  Madame  Junk  been 
present,  there  was  an  opportunity  of  getting  in  one  of  her 
favorite  quotations  from  Scripture :  ' '  Cast  thy  bread  upon 
the  waters,  and  it  shall  return  after  many  days/'  Here 
was  Miss  Busy,  who  had  started  out  to  do  Madame  Junk  a 
favor,  and  had  done  herself  one!  She  had,  so  to  speak, 
killed  two  birds  with  one  stone,  when  she  only  aimed  at  one. 

The  Senator  was  well  pleased  with  Miss  Busy,  and  Miss 
Busy  was  well  pleased  with  the  Senator  and  with  herself. 
She  thanked  him,  and  asked  if  he  would  come  to  the  rescue 
of  Madame  Junk.  The  Senator  would  not  promise  pos 
itively;  but  he  would  look  into  matters,  and,  if  all  things 
were  as  he-  had  reason  to  hope  they  were,  he  would  most 
assuredly  come  to  their  rescue. 

As  Miss  Busy  wended  her  way  homeward,  her  feelings 
toward  American  Senators  had  become  somewhat  modified. 
She  thought  that,  after  all,  they  were  capable  of  intellectual 
improvement.  True,  they  have  not  the  facilities  for  culture 
that  we  have  in  England.  We  are  thankful  to  Miss  Busy 
for  having  so  much  hope  for  us.  She  is  confident  that  we 
shall  come  within  the  pale  of  civilization  in  time;  and  so 
are  we. 


CHAPTER    XV. 

A  PEEP  BELOW— RELEASED— THE  COMING  CAMPAIGN. 

IT  is  late  at  night;  and  our  pantomime  actors,  that  went 
below  in  a  former  chapter,  are  seated  around  a  rude 
table,  discussing  a  matter  in  which  we  are  interested. 
There  are  four  in  number;  Jonas  Pictpink  is  one.  But  be 
fore  we  go  further,  let  us  give  the  reader  some  idea  of  the 
appointments  of  these  vault-like  rooms,  which  are  under 
neath  Jonas  Pictpink's  private  parlor.  One  room  is  ten- 
by-twelve  square;  the  other,  eight-by-ten.  The  sides  of 
these  rooms  are  boarded  up,  and  ventilated  by  auger-holes, 
which  are  made  where  the  ceiling  overhead  and  the  wall 
join.  These  holes  are  on  the  side  next  to  the  yard.  In 
the  yard,  close  up  to  the  house,  are  holes  in  the  earth,  over 
which  are  placed  clay-pots  for  flowers,  with  holes  in  the 
bottom  of  them.  These  holes  have  been  repunctured,  and 
made  much  larger  than  the  original  design.  Those  flower 
pots  that  are  of  the  greatest  service  have  nothing  in  them. 
Interspersed  with  these  are  others  that  are  filled  with 
flowers.  But  here  we  are  on  the  outside,  when  we  should 
have  been  down  cellar;  but  we  hope  the  reader  will  pardon 
our  incoherence,  when  they  reflect  that  several  men  are  de 
pending  upon  us  for  breath.  On  one  side  of  the  first  room, 
as  you  go  down  the  stairs,  stands  a  large  iron  safe.  We 
have  not  examined  the  lock,  but  we  presume  it  is  a  compli 
cated  one,  which  would  render  gunpowder  necessary  for 
those  who  did  not  understand  it.  On  the  other  side  is  a 
long  narrow  table,  close  to  the  wall.  "We  cannot  tell  if  it 
is  supported  by  legs  or  not;  for  there  is  a  piece  of  black 


IO6  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

cambric  tacked  lengthwise  on  the  edge  of  the  table,  which 
hangs  to  the  ground.  In  the  center  of  the  room  is  the 
table  around  which  the  four  men  sit.  One  of  these  is  Mr. 
Burns;  his  elbow  rests  on  the  table,  and  he  is  resting  his 
head  in  the  palm  of  his  hand.  His  hair  is  cropped  very 
short,  and  is  as  white  as  snow;  his  eyebrows  are  very  black 
and  bushy;  he  has  a  very  handsome  black  mustache,  and 
beautiful  white  teeth;  and  when  he  smiles  there  is  a  dimple 
in  his  cheek.  He  is  talking  in  a  low  apathetical  way  to  our 
student  of  theology. 

"Maria,  I  do  not  complain;  you  have  done  the  job  up 
brown ;  but  I  can  tell  you  one  thing :  unless  you  can  devise 
some  way  to  release  that  boy  and  his  mother,  I  will  give 
myself  up  again/' 

"Oh,  Ralph,  do  not  say  that.  What  do  I  care  for  all 
the  boys  in  the  world,  and  their  mothers,  now  that  you  are 
free?  Think  of  the  nights  and  days  I  have  skulked,  like  a 
hound  scenting  the  steps  of  his  master.  Think  of  the  hours 
I  have  studied  to  release  you;  and  that  boy  opened  the  way. 
And  now  you  return  my  love  by  threats.  Let  us  leave  this 
hateful  place,  Ralph.  There  is  enough  in  that  safe  to  care 
for  us  well  far  from  here.  You  know,  Ralph,  I  have  trav 
eled  thousands  of  miles  for  you.  I  have  given  away  our  child 
to  serve  you.  I  have  helped  you  out  of  prison  more  than 
once,  at  the  risk  of  my  own  liberty.  I  live  for  your  sake, 
not  my  own.  When  we  left  Australia,  and  were  safely  out 
of  port,  you  cried,  'Eureka!  Excelsior!  The  day  is  ours!' 
I  thought  then  we  should  be  happy.  Oh,  Ralph,  I  am  so 
tired.  When  can  we  rest?  I  shall  live  for  you,  I  shall  love 
you,  and  I  shall  die  for  you." 

"  Maria!  control  yourself.  I  know  I  have  been  ungrate 
ful;  but  I  cannot  and  will  not  leave  this  place  until  that 
boy  and  his  mother  are  honorably  acquitted.  I  have  a  feel 
ing  in  this  matter  that  is  wholly  unaccountable  to  myself. 
You  know,  Maria,  I  am  not  over-conscientious  in  matters  of 
this  sort;  but  I  feel,  if  we  should  leave  these  innocent  ones 


WOMAN'S  LOVE.  107 

to  suffer  for  our  crime,  misfortune  would  attend  us  at  every 
step/' 

AVhile  this  talk  was  going  on  in  an  undertone,  the  four 
men  at  the  other  end  of  the  table  were  engaged  in  cards. 
They  must  have  been  playing  for  stakes,  for  there  was  a 
pile  of  twenty-dollar  pieces  near  at  hand.  There  was  noth 
ing  interesting  about  these  men;  they  were  the  very  com 
mon  order  of  escaped  jail-birds.  It  is  doubtful  if  one  of 
them  could  write  his  name;  a  happy  fact  on  which  banks 
might  congratulate  themselves.  They  were  bungling  artists 
in  their  profession,  and  had  never  ventured  farther  than  a 
night  maraud  on  some  wholesale  cloth-house,  or  small 
merchant  in  a  by-street,  where  there  was  little  or  no  danger. 
"We  should  not  wonder  if  their  motto  was,  <e  We  must  walk 
before  we  can  run/'  At  all  events,  they  drove  a  brisk  busi 
ness,  doing  much  shipping  to  the  lower  countries.  It  was 
thought,  by  those  who  purchased  these  goods,  that  these 
gentlemen  were  connected  with  large  houses  in  New  York. 
This  was  a  true  supposition.  We  would  not  have  our 
readers  think  that  this  house  employed  no  accomplished 
accountants,  for  they  did.  There  were  men  who  could 
write  your  name,  or  my  name,  or  anybody's  name,  so  well 
that  you  would  think  you  did  it  yourself.  But  this  class  of 
men  were  not  the  majority  in  this  business-house. 

"Knowledge  is  power"  could  not  be  better  illustrated 
than  in  this  place.  The  world  does  wink,  to  some  extent, 
at  the  skillful  rogue,  while  it  punishes  to  the  death  the 
ignorant  one. 

Senator  Amos  Goliah  Smith  kept  his  word  with  Miss  Busy. 
He  did  look  into  the  matter;  furthermore  he  called  at  the 
jail  to  see  Madame  Junk;  and  such  a  scraping  and  bowing 
among  the  lackeys  of  the  prison  when  it  was  understood  that 
Senator  A.  G.  Smith  would  call  on  Madame  Junk!  They 
nodded  their  heads  together,  winked,  and  were  confident 
there  must  be  some  secret  wire-pulling  somewhere.  In 
this  they  were  mistaken.  It  was  real  goodness  on  the  part 


I08  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

of  the  Senator,  coupled  with  what  Miss  Busy  had  said,  and 
his  former  good  opinion  of  Madame  Junk.  It  will  no  doubt 
remain  forever  unknown  to  the  world  what  passed  between 
Senator  A.  G.  Smith  and  Madame  Junk  on  that  eventful 
visit.  Suffice  it  to  say,  he  stepped  into  the  clerk's  office,  and 
announced  his  willingness  to  stand  as  security  for  the  ap 
pearance  of  Madame  Jane  Junk  and  Joe.  The  bonds  had 
been  fixed  at  the  nominal  figure  of  two  thousand  dollars  each. 
The  Senator  placed  his  name  upon  the  books  for  the  amount 
of  four  thousand  dollars,  and  the  prisoners  were  released. 
They  walked  leisurely  home;  the  only  word  spoken  was  by 
Madame  Junk,  who  audibly  thanked  God  at  every  step  for 
having  been  delivered  from  the  hands  of  the  Philistines. 

Joel's  mind  was  upon  other  things.  His  four  days'  im 
prisonment  was  not  calculated  to  strengthen  his  faith  in  the 
ability  of  God  to  count  the  number  of  hairs  on  his  head, 
and  to  do  other  impossible  things.  That  which  our  Heavenly 
Father  intended  we  should  understand  as  allegorical,  Joel 
had  taken  literally.  We  do  not  intend  that  Joel  shall  grow 
up  an  irreverant  man,  but  he  reasons  from  his  limited 
knowledge. 

Senator  A.  G.  Smith's  campaign  began  with  all  its  fury. 
His  friends  were  talking  up  his  election  for  a  second  term; 
and  Mr.  Sampson's  friends  were  wonderfully  anxious  that 
Senator  A.  G.  Smith  should  be  superseded  by  a  more  worthy 
man,  and  one,  too,  with  more  brains.  Mr.  Sampson  was  an 
out-and-out  temperance  man,  which  was  quite  the  fashion 
just  at  that  period. 

Poor  Smith  would  stand  a  poor  show  with  the  temperance 
reformers.  True,  his  princely  way  of  doing  things  was  much 
in  his  favor;  for  who  ever  knew  an  out-and-out  temperance 
man  to  be  generous  ?  Temperance,  as  we  understand  it, 
means  moderation  in  all  things.  In  a  certain  sense,  it 
means  frugality,  and  who  ever  heard  of  frugality  in  a  politi 
cal  campaign  ?  Even  as  far  back  as  the  days  of  ' '  Tippe- 
canoe  and  Tyler  too,"  hard  cider  flowed  as  free  as  water. 


TIPPECANOE    AND    TYLER    TOO.  109 

The  wives  and  daughters  took  some  pride  in  election  in 
those  days;  for  they  made  up  plenty  of  good  home-made 
fried  cakes,  and  passed  them  about  among  the  men  and 
boys  freely.  On  general  training  day  they  donned  their 
best  dresses,  and  went  out  to  look  at  their  husbands  and 
sons  march  to  the  soul-stirring  music  of  fife  and  drum. 
Yankee  Doodle  was  the  classical  music  of  the  day,  and,  if 
you  want  to  win  an  Englishman's  heart,  just  whistle  it. 
Times  are  quite  different  now.  We  have  large  bands  that 
play  us  soft  airs  from  Beethoven  and  Mendelssohn,  and 
every  other  big  gun  that  ever  wrote  a  note  of  music.  "We 
have  everything  to  eat,  and  drink,  and  carriages  to  ride  in; 
and  we  have  women  who  don't  vote,  and  can't  vote  because 
the  Constitution  will  not  let  them,  and  we  have  women  who 
are  mad  about  it  too.  As  in  the  days  of  King  Arthur,  we 
have  women  who  attend  all  the  political  tournaments,  and 
wear  the  color  of  their  favorite;  in  other  words,  carry  their 
tickets  and  importune  every  male  acquaintance  to  vote  for 
them.  It  is  the  next  best  thing  to  voting  themselves.  "Who 
knows  but  that  in  time  these  men  will,  out  of  sheer  gal 
lantry,  allow  the  women  to  take  a  peep  at  the  penny  puppet 
show  ?  "VVe  have  no  doubt,  after  they  have  learned  the  art 
of  classifying  intelligence,  they  will  become  Daughters  of 
Rebekah  in  this  government. 


CHAPTEE   XYI. 

LAYING  THE  WIRES— WOMAN'S  FIDELITY— STUMP- 
SPEECHES— COMMENTS  OF  THE  PRESS. 

MADAME  Jane  Junk  and  Joe  sat  in  their  own  little 
room  parceling  out  and  dividing  and  subdividing  a 
great  bundle  of  campaign  tickets,  on  which  the  name  of  Sen 
ator  A.  G.  Smith  stood  forth  in  large  and  glaring  letters. 
He  is  the  candidate  for  Congress  on  this  straight  out-and- 
out  ticket,  and  Madame  Jane  Junk  and  Joe  intend  to  run 
him  for  Congress,  and  so  do  we.  Madame  Junk  and  Joe 
run  him  because  they  are  under  obligation  to  him;  we  do  so 
because  we  like  him,  and  think  he  is  the  best  man.  This 
morning,  Joel  is  dressed  in  a  new  suit  from  head  to  foot. 
The  crease  in  the  back  of  the  pantaloon's  leg  is  still  visible 
in  all  its  newness.  He  looks  new  all  over.  His  hair  is 
freshly  cropped,  and  there  is  a  smell  of  perfume  about  him. 
This  is  the  first  new  suit  he  ever  had  since  he  was  born — of 
course,  he  did  not  enjoy  that  one  much.  It  is  the  first  suit 
that  ever  fitted  him.  His  clothing  had  always  been  too 
long  or  too  short.  His  shoes  had  usually  been  number  eights. 
His  foot  looked  as  trim  to-day  as  a  boy's  foot  could  look; 
and  if  good  blood  can  be  discovered  in  the  aristocratic  mould 
of  the  foot,  we  shall  not  hesitate  to  say  that  Joel  is  of  good 
blood. 

"Joel,"  said  Madame  Junk,  looking  up  from  a  pile  of 
tickets,  "I  wish  you  to  make  me  a  promise;  will  you  do  it?" 

"  I  think  so,"  said  the  boy  (Joel's  faith  in  his  mother's 
judgment  had  become  shaken). 

"You  think  so  !  I  want  you  to  know  so." 


TICKETS,    COFFEE,    WATER,    AND    MILK.          Ill 

"It  is  time  enough  to  say  that  when  I  know  what  it  is." 

"I  want  you  to  promise  me  you  will  drink  nothing  but 
tea,  weak  coffee,  water,  and  milk,  for  the  next  two  weeks." 

"Must  the  water  and  milk  be  mixed  together?"  asked 
Joel,  with  a  roguish  smile. 

"Joel,  this  is  no  laughing  matter." 

"Well,  mother,  I  never  drank  anything  but  tea,  water, 
coffee,  and  milk,  and  I  do  not  see  why  I  should  begin  in  the 
next  two  weeks." 

"But  that  is  not  giving  me  your  word  that  you  will  not." 

"Well,  then,  I  give  you  my  word  that  I  will  not." 

"Good  boy;"  and  with  these  words  Madame  Junk  ex 
tended  her  long  arm,  and  placed  her  hand  in  a  loving  way 
on  Joel's  head.  There  were  tears  in  her  eyes. 

"  Thank  you,  Joel;  I  know  you  will  keep  your  word.  We 
have  much  to  do  in  the  next  two  weeks." 

There  was  silence  for  the  next  few  moments. 

"Joel,  would  you  know  the  man,  if  you  were  to  see  him, 
who  gave  you  the  package  of  papers  for  Mr.  Burns  ?" 

"I  don't  know;  I  think  so." 

'*  Tell  me  again  how  he  looked." 

"  He  was  young,  with  a  thin,  white  face.  I  did  not  look 
at  him  very  sharp;  he  had  on  a  long  coat,  and  looked  some 
thing  like  a  priest.  I  don't  think  he  was  a  very  bad  sort  of 
a  chap." 

Madame  Junk  placed  her  hand  before  her  «yes,  and  solil 
oquized  thus:  How  full  of  deception  the  world  is!  Not  born 
right!  not  born  right!  It  will  take  a  thousand  years,  and 
generation  must  follow  generation  before  the  human  race 
will  understand  the  vast  importance  of  propagating  their 
kind.  Not  born  right!  not  born  right!  Oh,  had  I  the  time 
and  means  to  finish  my  book  on  Propagation,  the  world 
would  be  enlightened  on  these  points  in  place  of  groping 
its  way  in  darkness  as  it  now  does. 

Tom  Glewer  had  his  party  spirit,  and  withal  was  a  poli 
tician  in  a  small  way;  and  furthermore,  he  was  determined 


I  1 2  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

that  his  adopted  son,  George  Gregory  Glewer,  should  fol 
low  in  the  footsteps  of  his  illustrious  predecessor.  Tom 
would  teach  George  G.  Glewer  the  pre-eminence  of  the 
American  Eagle.  He  would  teach  him  that  it  was  not  a  bird 
you  could  stand  and  make  faces  at  with  impunity.  He 
would  teach  the  boy  how  a  foreign  nation  was  once  hurt  by 
its  talons,  how  its  beak  had  been  buried  in  their  hearts, 
making  a  wound  that  a  hundred  years  had  not  healed.  Tom 
would  tell  the  boy  how  this  bird  screached  and  flew  ram 
pant,  roosting  one  week  in  the  South  and  one  in  the  North, 
fanning  with  its  great  wings  the  light  of  liberty,  screaching 
to  the  South,  in  tones  of  thunder, 

"  Thy  offense  is  rank;  it  smells  to  Heaven." 

"We  will  not  answer  that  this  was  the  speech  verbatim 
which  Tom  Glewer  indited  for  his  son,  G.  G.  G.,  but  it  was 
the  gist  of  it.  Any  how,  had  we  written  such  a  speech,  it 
would  have  been  less  original.  Doubtless  we  should  have 
made  liberal  quotations  from  our  late  Artemus  Ward's 
Fourth  of  July  oration,  where  he  asks,  with  patriotic  zeal, 
if  "  the  American  Flag  shall  be  torn  up  into  dish-cloths?" 
and  he  answers,  "  No!  a  thousand  times  No! ! " 

Tom  thought  there  was  no  time  like  the  present  to  get  off 
a  gun  or  two  in  defense  of  his  country.  True,  the  country 
stood  in  no  immediate  danger;  but  a  stray  shot  or  so  would 
do  no  harm,  and  it  is  always  best  to  keep  one  in  the  locker. 

We  have  told  you  about  Miss  Busy's  club  for  the  children, 
which  was  to  meet  twice  a  week,  for  the  purpose  of  declaim 
ing  and  other  intellectual  pursuits.  Tom  had  resolved  upon 
G.  G.  G.  getting  off  this  political  effusion  at  one  of  these 
meetings.  It  was  in  vain  that  Kate  argued  that  the  speech 
was  too  old  for  the  boy.  Furthermore,  Kate  thought  that 
Tom  had  written  this  speech  more  for  the  benefit  of  Miss 
Busy  than  for  developing  the  political  aspirations  of  the 
youth.  We  must  not  tarry  too  long  with  the  little  boys; 
let  us  look  after  the  larger  ones. 


WONDERFULLY    CONSCIENTIOUS.  I  I  3 

In  our  obscure  business-house,  of  which  we  have  before 
spoken,  are  the  usual  complement  of  men.  Mr.  Burns  is 
there,  and  is  talking  to  the  student  of  theology,  whom  he 
calls  Maria.  "That  old  woman  is  as  sharp  as  the  devil. 
Pictpink  says  she  was  here  again  to-day,  bargaining  for 
more  old  clothes  for  the  poor,  and  such  discharged  prison 
ers  as  cannot  find  work/'  At  this,  Ralph  Burns,  threw  back 
his  head  and  laughed.  He  was  thinking  how  a  dandy  con 
vict  would  look  fixed  up  in  Madame  Junk's  gentleman's 
wear.  Laugh  away,  my  friend  of  the  quill;  it  has  been 
done  before,  and  may  be  again. 

"Yes,  Maria;  they  are  out,  but  this  does  not  satisfy  me. 
I  wish  they  were  acquitted,  and  we  were  safely  out  of  this 
hole.  This  is  devilish  sleepy  work  for  me." 

"You  have  grown  wonderfully  conscientious  of  late," 
said  Maria,  bitterly.  "  Wouldn't  it  be  just  as  well  for  you  to 
think  about  me,  as  well  as  the  boy  and  old  woman?  I  have 
suffered  a  hundred  times  more  than  they  have,  or  ever  will." 

"  Is  not  compassion  a  step  toward  reform?" 

The  man  little  thought  what  hope  there  was  in  this  ques 
tion  for  the  poor  creature  by  his  side.  She  sat  in  silence 
some  time.  She  was  thinking  of  a  home  upon  the  face  of 
the  earth,  a  habitation  among  men.  She  was  hoping  to 
walk  abroad  in  the  clear  light  of  day,  without  fear  or  favor, 
and  look^  the  world  in  the  face.  She  was  thinking  of  her 
child,  that  she  might  one  day  call  back  to  her.  Indistinctly 
and  far  away  was  a  hope  of  God  and  Heaven.  Perchance 
some  pitying  angel  hovered  near,  and  whispered:  "The 
least  among  the  lowly  may  ask  and  receive,  may  knock  and 
it  shall  be  opened  unto  them."  She  sank  her  head  upon 
the  man's  shoulder,  and  looked  up  into  his  eyes,  with  a 
childlike  pleading  in  her  own. 

"Do  you  think,  Ealph,  that  this  boy  and  his  mother  has 
anything  to  do  with  your  reform?" 

"Perhaps  so;  I  have  taken  a  liking  to  the  boy.  Do  you 
know  I  fancy  he  looks  like  our  boy.  I  could  not  wrong 
that  boy  if  it  would  save  my  life." 


I  1 4  MADAME   JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

The  woman  sprang  to  her  feet;  her  eyes  protruded;  her 
face  was  agonized  contortion;  her  hands  were  lifted  up;  her 
lips  grew  white : 

"Oh  Ralph,  this  is  cruel!  How  can  you  play  upon  me 
in  that  way,  just  to  carry  out  your  own  ends?" 

"Maria,  you  are  attracting  the  men  from  their  cards. 
Come  here,  child,  and  be  quiet." 

" Be  quiet?"  said  the  woman  bitterly;  "how  can  you  talk 
to  me  of  quiet?  Haven't  I  been  quiet  for  years?  Haven't 
I  quietly  shielded  you  from  the  grasp  of  the  law  ?  Haven't 
I  quietly  crouched  at  your  feet  like  a  dog  who  obeys  his 
master?  Quiet!  quiet!  quiet!  You  have  so  often  repeated 
that  word  in  my  ear  until  I  scarcely  know  any  other. 
Quiet!  I  shall  never  know  quiet  until  I  am  laid  in  my 
grave;  and  oh,  Ralph,  that  will  come  soon,  unless  I  rest." 

"There!  there!  Maria;  you  are  nervous.  You  shall  rest. 
You  will  feel  better  in  the  morning.  I  see  you  must  have 
rest."  He  walked  over  to  the  table  and  pulled  from  be 
hind  the  black  curtain  an  armful  of  broadcloth,  and  pro 
ceeded  to  make  her  a  bed  on  the  table;  when  he  had 
prepared  a  comfortable  couch,  he  returned,  and  lifted  the 
woman  in  his  arms  as  he  would  have  done  an  infant,  talk 
ing  to  her  in  lullaby  tones.  "Yes,  my  little  Maria  has 
had  a  hard  time.  She  does  need  rest,  and  she  shall  have 
it."  There  are  few  ladies  who  sleep  upon  such  expensive 
pillows  or  under  such  expensive  covers.  The  man  drew 
from  behind  the  black  curtain  rich  cloths  and  silks  to  cover 
the  form  of  her  he  loved  best  of  all.  He  laid  her  down 
and  covered  her  up,  and  tucked  her  up.  He  patted  her  on 
the  cheek,  and  said  she  must  have  something  warm  to 
drink.  He  then  lit  a  small  lamp,  poured  some  water  into 
a  tin-cup,  and  placed  it  over  the  lamp;  then  he  added 
brandy  and  sugar,  and  a  few  drops  of  dark-looking  liquid 
from  a  small  vial.  "When  it  became  hot,  he  turned  it  into 
another  cup.  Lifting  the  woman  up  in  his  arms,  he  held 
the  cup  to  her  lips,  and  bade  her  drink.  "  There,  Maria; 


GONE    TO    SLEEP.  I  I  5 

go  to  sleep;  that  is  a  good  girl."  She  looked  comfortable; 
let  us  hope  she  felt  so.  The  man  stood  looking  down  on 
her  white  face,  and  there  was  a  touch  of  remorse  on  his 
own.  Soon  her  regular  breathing  told  that  she  was  sleep 
ing. 

When  men  have  fine  tools,  they  take  care  of  them;  and 
more  especially  if  those  tools  are  essential  to  their  business. 
This  man  had  laid  his  away  with  care.  We  trust  our 
remarks  will  not  lead  the  reader  to  form  a  wrong  estimate 
of  this  man's  character.  We  have  seen  men  love  a  watch 
because  it  was  a  good  timepiece,  and  they  had  carried  it  a 
long  time.  We  have  seen  men  love  a  horse  because  they 
brought  it  up  from  a  colt;  and  a  dog,  because  they  brought 
it  up  from  a  pup.  We  have  seen  many  a  man  who  loved 
his  wife  because  she  knew  how  to  serve  him;  because  she 
was  a  part  of  him;  because  she  would  take  hold  of  his  hand 
and  walk  right  down  to  hell,  without  as  much  as  saying,  "  I 
had  rather  go  to  heaven.3' 

This  man  walked  back  to  the  center  of  the  room;  and, 
taking  a  seat,  resumed  his  favorite  attitude — his  elbow  on 
the  table,  and  his  head  resting  in  the  palm  of  his  right 
hand.  He  is  alone  with  his  thoughts,  and  if  we  follow 
them,  we  shall  find  they  are  with  Senator  A.  G.  Smith. 
"  Yes,"  he  ejaculated,  half  aloud,  "he  has  money  and 
influence;  and  he  has  released  the  old  woman  and  the  boy. 
Now  then,  if  I  can  get  Maria  after  him  and  make  him 
espouse  my  cause,  I  am  all  right;  but  how  to  do  it,  is  the 
question."  We  will  leave  him  with  the  question,  and  look 
after  our  electioneering. 

Madame  Junk  called  on  the  Glewers,  and  felt  of  Tom's 
political  pulse,  and  found  it  beat  a  hundred  in  a  minute  for 
A.  G.  Smith  for  Congress.  She  asked  Tom  if  he  knew 
there  was  a  free  platform  for  speaking;  a  sort  of  free-think 
ing  liberal  society,  where  any  man  or  woman  could  have 
the  floor  ten  minutes  at  a  time,  and  abuse  whoever  they 
thought  needed  it.  Madame  Junk  proposed  that  Tom 


I  1 6  MADAME    JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

should  get  off  a  political  cracker  in  favor  of  A.  G.  Smith  for 
Congress. 

Tom  was  only  too  pleased  with  the  opportunity.  It  was 
a  capital  idea.  He  could  say  a  good  deal  in  ten  minutes. 
He  wanted  a  chance  to  hit  these  foreigners  a  dab;  so  it  was 
agreed  that  Tom  should  speak  at  this  meeting.  Thus 
Madame  Junk  had  secured  one  political  orator;  she  would 
make  two;  and  if  she  could  prevail  upon  Joel  to  get  off  one 
of  her  written  speeches,  he  would  make  three;  and  we  pre 
sume  if  she  had  met  her  red-pepper  friend,  she  would  have 
proposed  his  speaking  before  the  Hibernian  Society.  She 
might  have  reasoned  that  a  man  who  was  not  good  for  work 
must  be  good  for  politics. 

The  night  of  the  meeting  arrived.  Torn  was  a  little  trem 
ulous,  for  it  was  his  maiden  speech,  but  Madame  Junk  as 
sured  him  there  must  be  a  first  time  for  everything.  Kate 
declined  to  witness  her  husband's  debut,  but  encouraged 
him  by  timely  suggestions.  It  was  a  motley  crew  that 
gathered  at  that  meeting.  All  nations  were  represented. 
The  president  sat  upon  the  platform,  with  hammer  in  hand, 
to  call  the  meeting  to  order.  Two  or  three  men  had  spoken 
their  allotted  ten  minutes  when  Tom  saw  an  opening  and 
made  for  it.  He  mounted  the  rostrum.  Being  a  stranger 
in  this  role  he  was  not  applauded.  Tom  began  by  eulogiz 
ing  our  splendid  system  of  government,  the  best  in  the 
world.  This  burst  of  eloquence  was  greeted  by  an  old  man 
who  sat  in  the  corner  with  ' '  Bah ! "  "  bah ! "  The  audience 
began  to  titter,  and  this  took  one  minute.  Then  Tom  began 
about  the  privileges  that  foreigners  enjoy  in  this  country, 
and  how  very  little  they  enjoy  it.  Another  loud  bray  from 
the  ass  in  the  corner,  and  prolonged  hissing  from  different 
sections.  This  time  the  president  was  obliged  to  rap  em 
phatically  with  his  wooden  mallet,  and  cry  "Order!" 
"order!"  There  was  another  minute  gone.  Then  Tom 
opened  out  with  A.  Goliah  Smith  as  the  smartest  candi 
date  for  Congress.  It  was  then  the  tide  turned.  He  was 


TEN    MINUTES    MORE.  I  I  7 

vociferously  applauded,  and  the  cry  of  <(  Smith!"  "  Smith!" 
rang  through  the  house.  Another  minute  was  gone,  and 
Tom  only  had  time  to  say  that  Smith  believed  in  the  eight- 
hour  system.  Then  another  minute  was  consumed  by  the 
audience  shouting  "  Yes!"  "Yes!"  and  in  other  ways  ex 
pressing  their  delight.  Tom  told  his  hearers  that  A.  G. 
Smith  was  dead-set  against  inflation  and  was  in  favor  of  the 
Civil  Rights  Bill.  At  this  last-named  bill  the  audience 
thought  they  had  a  right  to  another  encore,  which  took  a 
minute,  when  Tom  added  that  he  had  understood  from  re 
liable  authority  that  A.  G.  Smith  was  in  favor  of  woman's 
rights,  too.  At  this  announcement  there  was  a  dead  calm; 
not  a  sound  was  to  be  heard  save  the  tap,  tap,  tap,  of  the 
president's  mallet,  which  announced  that  the  ten  minutes 
were  up. 

Amid  this  silence,  the  tall  form  of  Madame  Junk  stood 
up.  She  proposed  that  Mr.  Glewer  be  allowed  ten  minutes 
more. 

The  president  sang  out  that  it  had  been  proposed  that 
Mr.  Glewer  have  ten  minutes  more.  "  "Who  seconds  the 
motion?" 

A  squeaky  female  voice  from  the  farther  end  of  the  room 
seconded  the  motion. 

"All  in  favor,"  etc. 

The  nays  were  weak  and  few;  the  ayes  were  strong  and 
many.  The  president  hoped  the  audience  would  not  make 
noises. 

Tom  began  by  saying  that  he  himself  did  not  favor  wo 
man's  rights,  but  that  should  not  prevent  him  from  sup 
porting  a  good  man  who  did.  Tom  occupied  the  ten  minutes 
in  dwelling  upon  the  Honorable  A.  G.  Smith's  virtues. 
That  virtue  which  stood  conspicuously  out  from  the  long 
catalogue  which  Tom  enumerated  was  his  goodness  to  the 
poor.  This  drew  down  the  house.  Tom  told  how  this  man 
had  worked  himself  up  from  a  poor  boy  to  a  very  Goliah — 
how  he  was  a  self-made  man — how  he  had  been  poor,  but 


I  1 8  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

had  not  forgotten  it — how  his  opponent  was  a  mean  fellow, 
who  had  never  been  known  to  give  a  poor  man  a  cent  to 
wards  buying  a  dead  wife  a  tombstone,  whereas  there  was 
a  cemetery  not  a  thousand  miles  away  where  more  than  one 
marble  slab  towered  towards  heaven  that  spoke  of  the  Hon. 
A.  G.  Smith's  chanty  to  the  poor.  This  was  the  people's 
man — this  was  the  country's  man — this  was  the  right  man 
in  the  light  place.  Tom  hoped  that  in  the  coming  election 
his  hearers  would  know  when  they  had  a  good  thing,  and 
keep  it. 

Tap,  tap,  tap,  went  the  mallet;  the  ten  minutes  were  up, 
and  Tom  stepped  down  from  the  rostrum  amid  a  thunder 
ing  round  of  applause. 

A  man  with  a  square  forehead  and  a  wide  mouth  spoke 
for  Mr.  Sampson.  He  said  he  did  not  think  a  man  need 
show  his  charity  by  buying  tombstones  for  poor  men's 
wives,  or  giving  champagne  suppers  to  rich  men's  wives. 
He  said  it  was  a  well-known  fact  that  Mr.  Smith  was  not  a 
man  of  letters.  No  one  pretended  to  claim  that.  Mr. 
Sampson  did  graduate  from  college — he  was  a  strict  tem 
perance  man — he  was  a  law-abiding  gentleman  and  a 
founder  of  a  church — and  it  was  plain  to  be  seen  by  every 
sober  thinking  person,  that  such  a  man  was  more  fit  to  make 
laws  than  one  who  had  no  regard  for  the  temperance  ques 
tion.  The  day  had  gone  by  for  dumbfuddling  the  people 
into  the  belief  that  a  man  was  great  because  he  had  money, 
and  would  throw  it  to  the  poor  as  he  would  a  handful  of 
corn  to  a  parcel  of  chickens. 

Tap,  tap,  tap,  went  the  mallet. 

We  do  not  claim  to  have  written  out  the  ten  minutes' 
speeches;  we  only  give  the  gist  of  them. 

Madame  Junk  saw  an  opening  in  the  oratorical  arena, 
and  was  determined  to  enter  it.  As  she  passed  up  the 
room,  every  eye  was  bent  upon  her.  She  looked  as  if  she 
had  something  to  say,  and  knew  how  to  say  it.  As  she 
mounted  the  rostrum,  there  was  a  slight  applause  from  the 


IMPOSSIBLE    TO    HEAR   A   WORD.  I  19 

women's  rights  advocates,  but  the  greater  part  of  the  audi 
ence  were  as  whist  as  mice. 

"Gentlemen  and  Ladies:  I  appear  before  you  to-night, 
appealing  to  your  reason  and  common  sense.  I  know 
whereof  I  speak.  The  Honorable  Amos  Smith  is  the  only 
man  in  California  at  the  present  day  at  all  suitable  to  rep 
resent  us  in  Congress.  He  is  the  only  man  who  has  a  com 
prehensive  view  of  our  needs.  He  is  the  only  man  that  has 
an  interest  in  the  working-classes.  He  is  the  only  man  who 
believes  in  employing  and  paying  living  prices  to  the  poor 
white  man,  in  preference  to  the  imported  Chinese.  (Ap 
plause.)  The  gentleman  who  preceded  me  referred  to  Mr. 
Smith's  education,  or  rather  his  want  of  it.  I  have  yet  to 
learn  how  mere  theoretical  education  will  answer  a  man  in 
this  nineteenth  century.  I  have  yet  to  learn  how  a  man  may 
attain  eminence  without  ability.  All  the  colleges  in  the 
universe  will  not  suffice  without  brains.  Are  not  self-made 
men  to  be  honored?  I  am  a  temperance  woman;  I  am  a 
church  woman;  but  I  would  not  allow  this  to  come  between 
my  country  and  me.  You  who  complain  longest  and  loud 
est  against  the  system  of  our  government,  do  little  to  rectify 
its  mistakes.  Why  don't  you  elect  good  men  to  office? 
*  Why  stand  ye  here  all  the  day  idle  ?  Go  into  your  vineyards 
and  go  to  work. '  You  pretend  to  be  dreadfully  afraid  of 
the  women.  You  say  if  they  had  the  right  of  franchise 
there  would  be  a  fine  hubbub.  Did  you  ever  know  a  hen  to 
lay  a  rotten  egg,  or  hatch  out  one  either? "  (Peal upon  peal 
of  laughter,  and  great  applause.) 

We  shall  not  write  out  Madame  Junk's  speech  in  detail. 
It  was  a  woman's  speech.  There  were  a  good  many  "  as  I 
said  before's"  in  it;  a  good  many  questions  which  were  an 
swered  by  a  good  many  "by  no  means's."  Madame  Junk 
was  just  getting  warmed  up,  when  the  mallet  came  down 
with  "Stop!"  "Stop!"  in  the  rap.  (Loud  applause,  and 
the  cry  of  "More!"  "More!"  "Junk!"  "Junk!"  "Junk!" 
"More  Junk!")  It  was  impossible  to  hear  one  word  the 


I2O  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

president   uttered.     Madame    Junk,   not    a  little    elated, 
arose  once  more,  and  began  as  follows: 

"  I  did  not  come  here  as  an  exponent  of  woman's  rights. 
If  I  advocate  rights,  they  are  human  rights — the  universal 
rights  of  our  country.  I  did  not  come  here  to  ask  anything 
for  women,  for  I  know  they  would  not  get  it  if  I  should.  I 
came  here  to  ask  you,  one  and  all,  to  a  man,  to  cast  your 
votes  for  Amos  Smith  for  the  United  States  Congress.  All 
the  women  would,  if  they  had  a  chance.  Young  and  old,  rich 
and  poor,  for  we  all  love  him  (much  laughter),  and  we  are 
going  to  work  hard  to  elect  him ;  not  alone  that  he  is  by  far 
the  handsomest  candidate,  but  because  he  is  the  best.  Here 
is  the  man  who  loves  reform.  True,  he  is  not  a  temperance 
man,  but  I  have  never  heard  of  his  making  people  drink  if 
they  were  not  dry,  and  did  not  want  to.  I  have  no  doubt 
the  time  will  come  when  he  will  be  just  as  strong  a  tem 
perance  man  as  I  am.  (Madame  Junk  did  not  intend  this 
as  a  joke,  but  the  audience  were  just  as  tickled  as  if  she 
did.)  I  have  talked  with  this  gentleman.  I  know  he  has 
no  sympathy  whatsoever  with  monopoly.  Monopoly  will 
rob  our  children  of  a  republican  birthright.  We  are  but  a 
pinch  above  a  monarchical  form  of  government  now.  Wake 
up!  ye  men  of  a  Republic  almost  one  hundred  years  old, 
and  come  to  the  front.  Sustain  the  man  who  dares  the 
right.  Let  all  petty  shortcomings  be  lost  in  view  of  great 
and  grand  principles!"  The  mallet  came  down,  and  so  did 
Madame  Junk,  and  so  did  the  house. 

We  have  not  time  to  dwell  at  length  upon  the  various 
speeches  which  followed  Madame  Junk's,  and  the  questions 
pro  and  con  thereafter  discussed.  But  one  speech  hinted 
that  A.  G.  Smith  must  be  decidedly  hard  up  to  go  about 
bailing  old  women  out  of  jail  for  the  sake  of  getting  them 
to  electioneer  for  him.  This  man  was  followed  by  another, 
who  declared  that  such  insinuations  were  unworthy  a  man, 
and  for  his  part  he  wished  the  man  who  preceded  him  had 
one-half  as  good  a  reputation  as  the  old  woman  he  referred 


THE    FREE   PRESS.  121 

to;  lie  believed  he  would  then  have   a  better  show  for 
heaven. 

Nest  day  Mr.  Sampson's  newspaper  organ  came  out  with 
a  most  ludicrous  description  of  all  the  speakers  in  favor  of 
the  Hon.  A.  G.  Smith.  They  called  Madame  Junk  a 
female  "  Pickwick" — an  old  woman  the  Senator  got  out  of 
jail  for  the  purpose  of  making  stump  speeches  for  him. 
They  had  no  doubt  that  she  would  be  the  means  of  securing 
him  a  seat  in  Congress,  and  if  she  did,  they  advised  Mr. 
Smith  to  take  her  along  as  a  sort  of  aide-de-camp.  They 
thought,  from  the  present  outlook,  he  would  need  her. 
In  short,  they  said  all  sorts  of  queer  things  about  him. 
They  whittled  him  until  he  looked  wonderfully  slim,  and 
there  is  little  doubt  that  he  felt  so.  They  reviewed  his  life 
from  boyhood  up,  and  found  a  great  many  places  in  it 
where  it  was  no  better  than  it  should  be.  When  they  had 
finished  him  there  was  very  little  of  the  original  man  left. 
His  best  friends  would  not  have  known  him.  Indeed,  he 
scarcely  knew  himself.  Any  right-minded  person  in  the 
world,  after  reading  Mr.  Sampson's  organ,  would  say  that 
Hon.  A.  G.  Smith  suffered  for  his  country's  cause. 

On  the  other  hand,  the  Hon.  A.  G.  Smith  had  his  organ 
too,  for  in  this  day  and  age  no  man  has  the  courage  to  enter 
the  political  field  without  a  newspaper  organ.  The  free 
press  of  this  country  allows  this  privilege,  and  a  blessing  it 
is.  Mr.  Smith's  organ  hoped  that  the  friends  of  Mr.  Samp 
son  would  not  have  the  cholera  from  eating  watermelons 
and  drinking  pop.  (If  we  are  allowed  to  give  our  opinion 
we  think  they  are  in  far  more  danger  from  dying  of  choler 
after  reading  Mr.  Smith's  organ.)  Mr.  Smith's  organ  said 
,  that  loads  of  watermelons  were  being  shipped  to  San  Fran 
cisco  and  placed  in  warehouses  for  Mr.  Sampson  to  treat  his 
friends  with  during  his  campaign.  Temperance  was  all 
very  well,  but  not  any  watermelons  for  the  Smith  party. 


CHAPTEE    XVII. 

COMING  EVENTS—  THE  UMBRELLA  A  POOR  PROTECTOR 
—ON  THE  TRACK—  CAGED—  TRUE  UNTO  DEATH. 


trial  of  Madame  Jane  Junk  and  Joe  was  to  come 
JL  off  in  a  day  or  so,  and  what  with  stump-speaking, 
general  electioneering,  and  gathering  up  evidence,  she  was 
kept  very  busy. 

She  had  more  than  once  been  to  Jonas  Pictpink's  to 
negotiate  for  old  clothing  to  give  to  the  poor.  Madame 
Junk  could  not  account  for  it,  but  she  had  a  feeling  that 
this  house  and  this  woman  had  something  to  do  with  their 
trouble.  One  day,  as  she  was  passing  by,  she  thought  she 
would  step  in  and  price  old  hats,  not  that  she  was  in  need 
of  old  hats,  but  you  will  please  to  remember  that  this  was 
a  mania  of  hers.  On  entering,  Madame  Junk  found  Mrs. 
Pictpink  talking,  in  a  low,  confidential  tone,  to  a  well- 
dressed  gentleman.  He  was  much  too  well  dressed  to  have 
any  sort  of  business  in  such  a  place  as  that.  The  man 
gave  a  little  start  on  seeing  Madame  Junk,  and  Mrs.  Pict 
pink  looked  confused.  They  looked  very  much  as  two 
people  would  look  if  they  were  plotting  against  a  person, 
and  that  person  should  appear  suddenly  before  them,  look 
into  their  faces,  and  read  their  thoughts. 

It  was  quite  early  in  the  morning;  they  evidently  were 
not  looking  for  such  early  callers.  But  Madame  Junk  is  an 
"  early  bird;"  and  it  is  presumable  that  she  has  caught  her 
worms  this  morning.  The  man  began  asking  Mrs.  Pictpink, 
in  as  business-like  a  way  as  he  could  get  up  on  a  short 
notice,  if  she  had  any  pretty  good  secondhand  umbrellas. 


HATS   FOR   HENS     NESTS.  123 

It  did  not  rain,  or  even  look  like  it;  but  an  umbrella  is  a 
good  thing  to  have  in  a  country  where  it  does  rain.  Be 
sides,  when  a  man  buys  an  umbrella,  he  generally  raises  it 
in  the  store  to  see  if  it  is  sound.  Mrs.  Pictpink  poked 
about  among  a  lot  of  dusty  rubbish.  Meanwhile,  Madame 
Junk  had  never  taken  her  eyes  off  this  man.  She  thought 
she  had  seen  him  before;  it  might  have  been  years  ago;  but 
back  in  her  memory  a  face  something  like  this  loomed  up. 
Mrs.  Pictpink  brought  out  an  umbrella,  which  the  man 
raised,  and  began  to  examine,  holding  it  between  himself 
and  Madame  Junk.  He  thought  she  would  soon  be  engaged 
in  her  own  business,  and  he  could  pass  out  without  being 
observed.  In  this  he  was  mistaken.  Madame  Junk's  busi 
ness  seemed  to  be  to  watch  him.  Mrs.  Pictpink  looked 
more  and  more  confused.  The  gentleman  began  to  think 
that  outstaring  Madame  Junk  was  a  larger  job  than  he  bar 
gained  for;  so  he  walked  with  his  umbrella  over  his  head, 
and  out  of  the  door. 

"  Do  you  know  that  man  ?" 

"  Vas  ist  dish  say  you  ?" 

<c  Do  you  know  that  man  ?" 

"  Now  der  yer  dinks  Ize  know  everypody  Tat  ish  py  me  ? 
Vas  ist  dish  vants  you  ?" 

"  I  called  to  see  if  you  had  any  more  hats." 

The  reader  will  pardon  us  if  we  render  Mrs.  Pictpink's 
talk  in  English. 

Mrs.  Pictpink  informed  Madame  Junk  that  she  (Pictpink) 
knew  that  she  did  not  want  the  hats  for  the  poor,  as  she  had 
before  told  her,  and  that  Madame  Junk  had  fooled  around 
there  long  enough.  She  knew  that  Madame  Junk  was  just 
buying  the  hats  for  hens'  nests;  and  if  she  thought  that  her 
hats  could  be  sold  for  old  hens  to  lay  eggs  in,  she  was  much 
mistaken,  that  was  all.  No  hen  should  lay  an  egg  in  a  hat 
that  went  out  of  her  shop,  and  that  was  all  there  was 
about  it. 

In  vain  Madame  Junk  tried  to  appease  the  woman's  wrath 


124  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

by  telling  her  that  she  had  not  a  hen  in  the  world,  and  did 
not  know  when  she  should  have. 

The  fact  of  the  business  was  just  this :  Mrs.  Pictpink  did 
not  want  Madame  Junk  coming  there,  and  she  got  up  this 
dodge  of  the  hens'  nests  as  a  pretext  for  a  quarrel.  Madame 
Junk  saw  the  point  at  once,  and  this  gave  her  suspicions  a 
fresh  start.  She  was  not  inclined  to  dally  with  a  person 
who  was  born  entirely  wrong,  so  she  gave  her  a  superior 
good  morning,  with  a  meaning  in  it. 

We  will  walk  after  that  lady,  and  see  what  she  is  going 
to  do.  Her  tall  figure  moved  swiftly  and  erectly,  for  she  is 
going  to  call  on  the  Chief  of  the  Police.  She  found  the 
gentleman  in,  and  related  to  him  all  her  suspicions.  She 
gave  that  officer  a  detailed  account  of  all  she  knew  of  Jonas 
Pictpink's  old-clothes  store.  She  even  told  how  Mrs.  Pict 
pink  had  accused  her  of  buying  the  hats  for  hens'  nests. 
The  detective  listened  quietly  to  all  this,  and  smiled  when 
she  came  to  the  hats  and  hens.  He  promised  Madame  Junk 
to  look  into  it.  How  well  he  kept  his  word,  remains  to  be 
seen. 

All  this  time  the  electioneering  ball  was  kept  moving. 
Madame  Junk  wrote  speeches  and  letters,  and  Joel  was  kept 
trotting  from  morning  until  evening.  Madame  Junk  ad 
dressed  letters  to  all  the  "big  guns"  in  the  city,  as  Joel 
termed  them.  Joel  distributed  tickets  in  all  the  machine- 
shops  and  distilleries;  he  worked  like  a  hero.  It  was  the 
first  time  he  had  ever  been  out  of  God's  employ.  Now  he 
was  at  work  for  a  man  he  was  acquainted  with — a  tangible 
object,  one  that  paid  him  with  new  clothes  and  good  food. 

It  was  wonderful  to  see  how  this  boy  came  out;  he  had  a 
propelling  wheel  behind  him  that  revolved  a  hundred  times 
in  a  minute.  He  addressed  the  Young  Men's  Christian  As 
sociation  on  "Political  Economy,"  an  address  written  by 
Miss  Busy,  and  committed  to  memory  by  Joel.  At  one 
mass  meeting  he  was  hoisted  upon  the  rostrum  to  address 
the  crpwd.  The  press  called  him  the  young  American  boy 


THE    BOY    ORATOR.  125 

orator.  He  astonished  Madame  Junk,  Miss  Busy,  himself, 
and  the  people.  Some  said  he  was  controlled  by  the  spirit 
of  some  great  orator;  others  said  he  had  been  trained  to 
speak  since  he  was  two  years  old;  and  others  said,  whose 
boy  is  he,  and  where  did  he  come  from  ? 

The  detective,  with  one  companion,  took  up  his  quarters 
the  next  night  directly  opposite  Jonas  Pictpink's  old-clothes 
store.  He  secured  a  small  room  for  the  purpose  of  watch 
ing  without  being  seen  himself,  where  he  waited  until  two 
o'clock  in  the  morning,  when  he  saw  a  well-dressed  man 
slip  into  the  side  gate.  Very  soon  another  followed;  and 
soon  two  more;  the  rear  was  brought  up  by  an  old  man 
that  looked  decrepit.  The  detective  waited  an  hour  longer, 
to  see  how  many  were  likely  to  attend  this  delegation,  which 
had  been  called  to  order  rather  late  at  night  for  honesty. 

"  Hah!  This  is  the  nest  I  have  been  looking  for  so  long. 
Devilish  nice  arrangement!  Much  obliged  to  the  old 
woman.  Her  head  is  level  after  all."  He  sat  reflecting. 
Should  he  spring  a  trap  on  them  to-night,  or  wait  until  the 
next?  He  concluded  it  was  best  to  wait  until  the  next. 
This  must  be  managed  with  care.  He  would  reconnoitre  a 
little.  They  will  doubtless  find  some  exquisite  penman  in 
this  hole. 

They  were  not  prepared  to  make  a  charge  to-night;  it 
would  require  a  whole  posse  of  well-armed  men.  If  it 
should  become  necessary  to  spill  blood  in  the  taking  of 
Fort  Pictpink,  they  were  the  men  who  could  do  it.  The 
detective  and  his  ally  took  off  their  boots,  replaced  them 
by  soft-soled  shoes,  and  stole  across  the  street  like  two 
great  cats,  that  knew  where  there  was  a  nest  of  rats  that 
they  should  soon  make  a  meal  of.  They  examined  the  high 
board  fence,  the  gate,  and  all  about  the  gate.  One  man 
held  the  other  on  his  shoulders  while  he  peered  over  into 
the  yard  and  reported  it  as  dark  as  a  pocket.  Then  they 
took  another  survey  of  the  side  of  the  house.  The  gate 
opened  next  to  the  house,  the  only  separation  being  a  small 
post,  to  which  the  gate  was  hung. 


126  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

With  the  aid  of  a  small  lantern  they  were  looking  all 
about  this  corner.  The  quick  sharp  eye  of  the  detective 
saw  a  seani  four  inches  square  in  the  clapboard.  By  an 
ordinary  eye  it  would  not  have  been  noticed;  and  not  by 
him,  had  he  not  understood  the  expertness  of  thieves.  He 
tried  to  move  this  piece,  but  it  would  not  budge.  He 
pressed  his  finger  all  around  this  seam  three  times;  the 
fourth  time  it  flew  back  and  disclosed  a  small  aperture,  in 
which  was  fixed  a  tube.  He  placed  his  ear  to  this,  but 
heard  no  sound.  No  word  was  spoken  between  these  men. 
He  closed  this  square  hole  and  took  another  look  at  this 
side  of  the  house.  It  was  painted  drab.  Again  he  ran  his 
finger  around  this  seam,  and  again  it  flew  back,  when  his 
finger  came  to  one  spot  on  the  upper  edge.  This  he  ex 
amined,  and  found  what  looked  to  be  a  nail,  but  in  reality 
was  a  very  nice  spring.  He  closed  it  again,  and  with  the 
same  cat-like  tread  he  and  his  companion  walked  over  to 
their  little  room,  there  to  consult  about  the  best  way  to 
proceed. 

"  The  fellow  who  fixed  that  hole  must  be  a  workman/' 
"  Yes,  he's  a  workman;  and  the  State  is  going  to  get  the 
benefit  of  his  genius.  Look  here,  Meggs,  this  must  be 
kept  as  whist  as  death.  If  they  get  the  least  scent  that  we 
are  on  their  track,  we  may  whistle  a  long  time  before  we 
catch  them.  I  want  to  take  the  whole  gang.  We  have  had 
theft  by  the  wholesale  long  enough,  and  it  has  been  the 
greatest  mystery  to  me  that  we  could  get  no  clue  to  them. 
I  believe  that  boy  and  the  old  woman  are  as  innocent  as 
you  or  I.  Meggs,  call  on  the  old  woman  early  in  the  morn 
ing,  and  tell  her  not  to  call  at  the  old-clothes  store  until  I 
send  her  word;  but  don't  tell  her  a  word  about  what  we 
have  seen  to-night.  She  is  a  woman;  and  I  don't  go  a  cent 
on  a  woman's  keeping  mum.  If  things  turn  out  as  she  has 
suspected,  I  shall  see  that  she  has  a  share  of  the  reward; 
for  I  don't  know  when  we  should  have  found  this  nest 
without  her.  So  much  for  her  love  of  giving  old  clothes  to 
the  poor,  and  discharged  jail-birds." 


THE    COUNTERSIGN.  127 

"  I  am  told  this  old  woman  is  devilish  churchy/'  said  the 
assistant. 

"  Yes,  may  be,"  replied  the  other,  taking  out  a  note-book 
and  looking  over  a  list  of  robberies  and  bank  forgeries.  He 
found  there  was  a  startling  list  that  had,  up  to  the  present 
time,  been  unaccounted  for. 

They  waited  with  patience  for  the  next  night  to  come 
around.  Extensive  preparation  was  being  made.  The  Chief 
picked  out  his  trusty  men  and  armed  them  cap-a-pie.  Five 
men,  including  the  Chief,  took  up  their  quarters  in  the  little 
room  we  have  before  named.  There  they  watched  with  a 
vigilance  worthy  of  their  profession,  until  long  after  the 
witching  hour  of  night,  when  churchyards  yawn,  and  Mrs. 
Pictpink,  too.  At  last  they  were  encouraged  by  seeing  two 
fine-looking  chaps  enter  the  side  gate.  The  Chief  told  his 
men  not  to  get  excited,  for  there  were  more;  and,  sure 
enough,  in  a  moment  two  more  came,  and  in  five  minutes 
two  more,  making  in  all  six. 

"  Three  pairs  of  ducks/3  said  the  Chief,  "  and  the  devil 
may  tell  how  many  more  there  are  inside.  It  is  a  good 
thing  we  have  plenty  of  help  within  hailing  distance." 
The  Chief  ordered  one  man  to  stand  at  the  front  door, 
two  to  get  over  the  fence  and  stand  at  the  back  door,  and 
one  at  the  gate.  "  I  will  try  my  luck  at  a  password.  Don't 
much  think  I  can  fetch  them  in  this  way.  If  they  open  the 
door  at  my  countersign,  rush  in  and  secure  whoever  you 
find.  If  this  little  ruse  don't  take,  we  will  effect  an  en 
trance  the  back  way.  If  the  host  is  too  large  for  us,  spring 
the  rattle  and  call  for  more  help.  These  are  a  devilish 
shrewd  set  of  fellows.  Men  that  have  eluded  us  so  long 
are  men  not  to  be  taken  with  a  little  salt." 

After  these  orders  had  been  given,  the  men  took  their 
respective  positions.  The  Chief  ran  his  finger  around  that 
square  little  door  and  it  flew  back.  He  placed  his  mouth 
to  the  tube  and  spoke  these  words:  "  Quick,  quick,  open  the 
door;  I  have  news."  Contrary  to  his  expectations  the  back 


128  MADAME   JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

door  opened,  and  the  two  men  grappled  with  the  colossal 
form  of  Mrs.  Pictpink.  They  soon  had  her  wrists  orna 
mented  with  a  pair  of  iron  bracelets. 

The  Chief  and  his  men  were  soon  over  the  fence  and 
walked  into  Jonas  Pictpink's  private  parlor  with  the  non 
chalance  of  invited  guests.  The  Chief  took  a  seat  upon 
the  green  lounge,  pulled  out  his  cigar-case,  lit  a  cigar  and 
commenced  smoking.  He  was  taking  an  inventory  of  the 
room;  this  did  not  require  a  great  amount  of  mathematical 
reckoning.  He  looked  at  the  old  carpet  half  tacked  down, 
and  felt  as  uncomfortable  as  an  old  cat  that  is  before  a  rat- 
hole  and  knows  she  is  master  of  the  situation.  He  had 
smoked  long  enough  to  get  his  nerves  in  a  quiet  state  when 
one  of  the  men  whom  he  had  previously  sent  out  returned 
with  more  help. 

"  Boys,  lay  back  that  carpet."  This  was  done,  but  the 
door  was  not  so  pliable  as  the  carpet,  for  it  refused  to  be 
laid  back.  "  Hah  !  this  is  a  stronghold  well  fortified," 
said  the  Chief.  The  splinters  from  redwood  boards  flew 
in  every  direction.  One  long  pull,  one  strong  pull,  and 
one  pull  all  together,  and  up  came  the  door.  The  men 
pitched  themselves  down  through  this  open  space  as  they 
would  have  thrown  bags  of  grain  into  a  cellar.  The  lights 
were  out  in  an  instant,  and  the  foes  grappled  with  the  in 
truders.  The  contest  was  short. 

A  woman,  screaming  "Ralph!  Ralph!  wThere  are  you?" 
emerged  from  a  corner  with  a  pistol  in  her  hand,  lit  a 
match,  and  pointed  the  weapon  toward  the  head  of  the 
man  who  was  struggling  with  her  husband.  As  quick  as 
thought  the  man  anticipated  her  movement,  threw  up  her 
hand,  and  the  ball  entered  her  own  body. 

"  Surrender,  Ralph,  surrender.  A  light,  Ralph,  a  light. 
I  am  dying — I  am  dying.  Ralph,  where  are  you?" 

The  light  was  lit.  The  men  now  submitted  to  have  the 
handcuffs  placed  upon  them  with  a  dogged  silence.  Ralph 
Burns  made  no  resistance.  He  was  kneeling  over  the  pros- 


THE    DYING    REQUEST.  I  29 

trate  form  of  our  poor  student  of  theology,  for  she  was 
still  dressed  in  that  garb. 

"  Maria,  you  will  not  die;  my  poor  Maria." 

"  Yes,  Kalph,  I  shall  never  see  the  light  of  another  day. 
Oh,  my  child !  my  forsaken  child !  if  I  could  but  see  you 
once  before  I  die." 

Suddenly  she  seemed  to  think  of  something.  She  beck 
oned  the  Chief  to  kneel  down  by  her  side,  for  her  voice  was 
failing  fast.  <e  The  boy — the  boy  is  innocent." 

"What  boy,  my  good  woman?" 

"It  was  I  that  deceived  the  boy  to  save  my  husband. 
The  boy  is  innocent — the  woman  is  innocent.  I  gave  him 
the  papers.  He  did  not  know  there  was  anything  in  them. 
I  will  not  die  with  that  on  my  soul.  O  God,  forgive  me  ! 
I  have  sinned,  but  I  have  suffered,  too.  Save  the  boy;  save 
the  boy,  Sir,  and  God  will  have  mercy  on  my  soul." 

Perchance  some  angel  hovered  near,  and  took  heart  at 
God's  almightiness  and  smiled  a  smile  of  cheer.  "  Save 
the  boy  and  his  mother!" 

"Yes,  yes;  but  you  must  be  removed  and  have  medical 
attendance." 

"No,  I  am  dying  now." 

All  the  men  had  been  removed  except  Burns,  and  the 
woman  begged  so  pitifully  that  her  husband  might  remain 
until  she  breathed  her  last  that  the  officer  had  no  heart  to 
refuse. 

"  Ralph,"  said  the  dying  woman,  "  you  are  done  for  in 
this  world.  You  will  have  to  serve  many  years  for  your 
crimes,  and  when  you  are  alone  in  the  still  hours  of  night, 
think  of  me.  Remember,  I  died  serving  you." 

"Maria,  do  not  talk  so.     You  will  be  better  soon." 

"Yes,  I  shall  be  better  soon,  but  in  another  world  than 
this.  Ralph,  can  you  pray?" 

"No,  Maria." 

She  turned  her  eyes  toward  the  officer. 

"  Will  you  pray  for  me,  Sir  ?  " 
9 


I3O  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE 

The  gentleman  was  covered  with  confusion.  He  told  her 
he  had  not  offered  up  a  prayer  to  God  since  he  was  a  small 
boy,  when  his  mother  taught  him  his  evening  prayers. 

"  But  you  shall  have  some  one  to  pray  for  you  if  you  de 
sire  it." 

At  that  moment  he  thought  of  the  good  Christian,  Mad 
ame  Junk.  He  sent  a  carriage  to  bring  that  good  woman 
with  all  possible  speed.  Not  a  quarter  of  an  hour  elapsed 
before  that  worthy  person  was  kneeling  beside  the  dying 
woman,  offering  up  a  prayer  in  pleading  tones  for  grace  and 
mercy. 

"  Can  you  follow  me  in  prayer  ? "  asked  Madame  Junk 
of  the  dying  woman,  and  Maria  feebly  repeated  after  her: 
"O  God!  to  Thee  I  commend  my  soul,  asking  Thy  for- 
giveneso  Tor  all  my  past  sins.  I  believe  in  the  Lord  Jesus 
Christ.  I  believe  he  died  upon  the  cross  to  save  me  a  sin 
ner/'.  .  ."Kiss  me,  darling,  I  am  going/'  and  Ralph  Burns 
knelt  down  and  kissed  his  wife  as  her  spirit  fled.  Madame 
Junk  remained  kneeling,  her  hands  clasped  and  her  lips 
moving  in  silent  prayer.  "When  she  opened  her  eyes  she 
looked  directly  into  the  eyes  of  the  man  who  knelt  on  the 
other  side  of  his  dead  wife.  His  expression  spoke,  as  plain 
as  words  could  have  done,  "  Madame,  I  owe  all  this  to  you." 
Madame  Junk  returned  this  silent  accusation  with  an  ex 
pression  equally  apparent:  "Sir,  you  see  what  you  have 
come  to  by  your  ungodly  life." 

The  first  word  spoken  was  by  the  officer,  who  asked  Mad 
ame  Junk  if  the  woman  was  dead.  Madame  Junk  felt  her 
pulse  and  pronounced  her  dead.  The  officer  then  turned  to 
Ealph  Burns  and  asked  him  if  he  had  any  wish  in  regard  to 
the  burial  of  his  wife.  The  man  took  from  his  pocket  a 
well-filled  purse,  remarking  that  that  would  give  her  a  de 
cent  burial.  Madame  Junk  held  the  purse  in  her  hand 
and  said,  . 

"But,  my  friend,  the  money  is  not  yours." 

It  was  the  first  time  during  this  scene  that  the  man.  dis 
played  visible  signs  of  deep  emotion. 


VALUABLES   DISCOVERED.  13! 

"Madame,  ' possession  is  nine  points  of  the  law.'  The 
money  is  mine  until  it  is  proven  that  it  is  not." 

"  What  you  have  said  is  true;  but,  until  that  is  proven,  I 
am  not  at  liberty  to  use  it,  even  for  the  burial  of  this  poor 
woman." 

As  she  spoke  she  took  from  her  pocket  a  pair  of  scissors 
and  severed  a  small  lock  of  hair  from  the  dead  woman's 
head;  wrote  something  on  a  leaf  in  her  note-book;  tore  this 
leaf  from  the  book;  did  the  hair  up  in  it,  and  handed  it  to 
Mr.  Burns.  The  officer  informed  him  that  he  should  now 
be  obliged  to  remove  him  to  prison.  Would  Madame  Junk 
feel  afraid  to  remain  alone  for  a  short  time  with  the  dead 
woman.  No,  indeed!  Madame  Junk  did  not  know  fear. 

"I  want  the  boy  to  see  her,"  said  the  officer. 

"What  boy?"  asked  Madame  Junk. 

"Why,  your  boy;  she  told  me  she  was  the  one  who  gave 
him  the  papers." 

"Oh!" 

A  light  began  to  dawn  upon  Madame  Junk's  mind.  She 
saw  the  handcuffs  placed  upon  Ralph  Burns  with  less  feel 
ing  than  she  would  had  she  not  received  this  information. 

Madame  Junk  was  left  alone  with  the  dead,  in  this  strange 
out-of-the-way  place.  She  looked  about  the  room  with  an 
expression  of  curiosity.  "Yes,  this  is  the  place  they  have 
kept  secreted  in  so  long;  I  was  right  in  my  conjectures. 
Poor  things !  Oh,  what  a  world !  If  1  only  had  my  book 
done  on  the  proper  propagation  of  the  American  race,  I 
would  give  every  one  of  these  thieves  a  volume.  It  would 
at  least  show  them  where  the  difficulty  lies.  All  this  crime 
comes  from  not  being  born  right."  After  this  soliloquy 
she  began  to  wonder  what  was  behind  that  black  curtain 
which  hung  around  that  long  table.  She  would  not  be  a 
woman  if  she  did  not  look;  she  lifted  the  curtain,  and  found 
a  large  ledge  of  rich  silks,  satins,  velvets,  and  fine  cloths. 
And  now  that  these  valuables  had  been  discovered,  she  won 
dered  if  the  owners  would  not  feel  in  duty  bound  to  give 


132  MADAME   JANE   JUNK  AND   JOE. 

them  to  the  poor.  In  her  fancy,  she  had  all  discharged 
prisoners  dressed  in  fine  silk-velvet  coats,  and  the  children 
of  the  orphan  asylums  (including  Jews  and  Catholics), 
dressed  in  black  silk  trimmed  with  fine  lace.  Such  was 
Madame  Junk's  generosity  over  the  discovery  of  this  hidden 
treasure.  "I  wonder  what  is  in  that  safe/'  she  thought  to 
herself,  but  the  door  would  not  open.  But  there  is  a  wooden 
box.  She  lifted  the  lid;  it  was  filled  with  shoes.  There 
were  all  sizes  and  all  colors — red  and  blue  morocco,  for 
little  girls  four  or  five  years  old.  She  ran  her  fingers  down 
to  the  toes,  held  them  up,  and  thought  what  a  nice  thing  it 
would  be  to  give  these  shoes  to  the  orphans.  How  pleased 
the  little  ones  would  be  with  such  shoes.  She  was  holding 
a  little  red  shoe  on  her  fingers,  admiring  it  very  much,  when 
two  officers  arrived  and  announced  their  willingness  to  re 
lease  Madame  Junk.  Naturally,  that  lady  was  quick;  she 
was  informed  there  was  a  carriage  at  the  door  which  would 
convey  her  home.  The  moment  she  understood  that  it  was 
their  wish  to  have  her  go,  that  moment  it  was  her  wish  to 
remain.  She  made  a  flank  movement  by  asking  them  if  they 
thought  this  property  would  be  returned  to  the  owners,  or 
if  the  owners  would  donate  it  to  the  poor.  In  short,  Mad 
ame  Junk  kept  up  such  a  running  fire  of  conversation  that 
the  two  men  did  not  have  time  to  suggest  the  propriety  of 
her  going  home.  She  stuck  and  hung  with  a  tenacity  wor 
thy  of  her  cause.  She  waited  until  twilight  dawned,  and 
honest  citizens  appeared  upon  the  scene.  The  Chief  re 
turned,  to  whom  Madame  Junk  spoke  in  low  tones. 

"  I  thought  it  best,  Sir,  to  remain  until  you  came." 

"Quite  right.  Go  home  now,  and  get  breakfast,  and 
bring  the  boy." 

"What  boy?" 

"Your  boy;  he  must  see  the  body  of  this  woman.  She 
told  me  she  gave  Joel  the  package." 

A  light  began  to  dawn  on  Madame  Junk's  mind.  "Yes, 
yes,  I  was  right;  this  was  the  place  where  our  trouble 
started." 


THE   REWARD.  133 

Madame  Junk  went  home  and  soon  returned  with  Joel, 
who  was  sworn,  and  testified  that  this  was  the  person  who 
gave  him  the  papers. 

After  the  usual  forms  of  the  law  had  been  complied  with, 
the  body  was  taken  to  the  Morgue,  and  redressed  in 
female  apparel.  Madame  Junk  placed  flowers  in  her  hands 
and  on  her  breast.  Hundreds  went  to  see,  out  of  curiosity, 
the  woman  who  had  followed  a  man  through  every  peril, 
who  had  staked  life's  happiness  for  man's  love,  who  had 
ventured  all  and  lost  all.  Some  pitied  and  others  blamed. 
There  are  various  forms  of  truth.  That  woman  was  true  to 
her  marriage  vows,  which  read,  "You  shall  leave  all  others 
and  cleave  to  him  alone."  She  had  religiously  kept  the 
promises  she  made  at  the  altar,  "Whom  God  joins  together 
let  no  man  put  asunder."  Before  the  married  world  can 
live  pure,  conscientious  lives  the  present  marriage  ceremony 
must  have  a  few  clauses  inserted.  But  we  are  not  the  Law 
and  the  Gospel.  Perhaps  those  who  blame  this  woman 
most  are  not  those  who  reverence  as  she  did  the  promises 
made  to  God  and  man.  She  had  been  true  to  a  false  thing; 
but  she  had  sworn  she  would  be,  and  kept  her  vow. 

Poor  Maria  was  buried  in  Potter's  Field.  The  grave  was 
marked  by  Madame  Junk,  and  roses  planted  thereon.  Some 
day  she  should  have  a  neat  white  slab,  with  an  epitaph  of 
Madame  Junk's  own  composing. 

There  had  been  several  thousand  dollars  reward  offered 
for  the  apprehension  of  Mr.  Burns.  Of  course,  the  reward 
would  be  handed  over  to  the  detective,  who  was  inclined  to 
give  Madame  Junk  at  least  five  hundred  dollars;  but  the 
minor  officers  objected  so  strenuously  that  it  was  likely  to 
end  in  litigation,  which  would  cost  more  than  the  reward 
offered.  The  Chief  was  adequate  to  all  tasks  of  this  sort, 
and  for  the  sake  of  peace  resolved  to  make  up  the  five  hun 
dred  dollars  from  his  own  purse,  so  the  reader  will  see  he  was 
not  such  a  bad  fellow  after  all.  And  that  much-abused 
adage,  "It  takes  a  rogue  to  catch  a  rogue,"  would  not  hold 


134  MADAME   JANE   JUNK  AND   JOE. 

good  in  tliis  instance.  You  all  know  by  this  time  that  Mad 
ame  Junk  was  no  rogue.  More  than  all  that,  the  detective 
would  have  hired  Madame  Junk  as  an  assistant,  if  she  would 
have  accepted  the  calling;  but  her  work  was  to  save  people 
from  going  to  prison,  in  place  of  sending  them  there — to 
make  over  old  clothes,  and  to  make  over  people  to  wear 
them. 

The  detective  knew  where  there  was  a  man  who  would 
give  something  handsome  toward  making  up  a  purse  of  five 
hundred  dollars  for  the  lady;  for  if  she  was  only  a  popgun 
before,  she  was  a  cannon  now.  Madame  Junk's  rising  fame 
— morally,  religiously,  politically,  and,  in  fact,  all  the  ly's 
you  could  add  to  words  whose  express  definition  was  good 
ness  and  greatness — made  that  lady  a  desirable  appendage 
to  any  man's  support. 


CHAPTEE  XVIII. 

PINS  AND  BONES— THE  COMING  MASS  MEETING. 

WHILE  Madame  Junk  was  buzzing  hither  and  thith 
er,  Kate  Glewer  remained  quietly  at  home  attend 
ing  to  home  duties — washing,  making,  and  mending  her  hus 
band's  and  adopted  son's  clothing,  as  well  as  cooking  their 
food  and  keeping  their  physical  condition  in  good  running 
order.  Her  evenings  were  devoted  to  reading.  You  could 
always  find  on  her  table  the  best  books  from  the  best  au 
thors.  Now  that  she  had  a  boy  to  rear,  she  saw  the  neces 
sity  of  knowledge.  Kate  had  a  love  for  books;  she  had  been 
fortunate  enough  to  hear  ladies  of  culture  discuss  the  merits 
of  standard  works;  among  them  Kuskin  and  De  Quincy. 
Those  two  authors  she  now  sought,  and  read  with  a  zest  that 
would  have  done  credit  to  a  "blue  stocking."  But  Kate 
had  no  ambition  to  be  a  "  blue  stocking;"  she  read  those 
books  for  their  fund  of  human  thought  and  human  nature; 
she  dwelt  with  them,  and  actually  lived  amid  the  scenes  of 
which  she  read.  They  were  pleasant  companions,  and  spoke 
to  her  in  her  humdrum  life,  relieving  it  of  its  monotony. 

But  how  about  George  Gregory  ?  Why,  he  was  one  of 
those  good  little  boys  that  would  make  a  first-class  hero  in 
a  Sabbath-school  book.  You  could  not  find  any  fault  with 
him;  he  was  so  good,  and  always  obeyed,  learned  his  les 
sons,  and  could  repeat  any  patriotic  effusion  which  Tom  saw 
fit  to  teach  him. 

It  is  useless  to  deny  that  Kate  was  disappointed  in  the 
boy;  she  did  wish  he  was  not  quite  so  milk  and  water;  she 
did  wish  he  would  get  mad,  and  bite,  scratch,  and  kick,  and 


136       MADAME  JANE  JUNK  AND  JOE. 

say,  "  I  won't!"  and  cc  I  will!"  but  George  Gregory  never 
did  that;  he  was  as  tame  and  harmless  as  a  kitten.  No 
word  ever  passed  between  Tom  and  Kate  regarding  George's 
character.  There  was  no  trouble  in  bringing  him  up,  for 
there  were  no  faults  to  correct.  He  never  was  whipped,  for 
he  never  did  anything  to  be  whipped  for.  Let  fathers  and 
mothers  who  love  to  give  a  child  a  good  whipping,  imagine 
what  Tom  and  Kate  were  deprived  of !  And  yet  the  three 
G's  was  in  no  way  underwitted.  He  evinced  great  affection, 
and  loved  Sternna  better  than  all  the  world.  The  two  chil 
dren  sat  close  together  under  the  teachings  of  Miss  Sallie 
Busy,  and  progressed  with  a  rapidity  truly  marvelous. 

We  think  it  time  that  Samuel  Blower  and  lady  had  the 
floor,  and  an  opportunity  to  relate  something  of  their  do 
mestic  felicity.  Samuel  Blower's  mother  must  have  been  a 
woman  of  parts,  for  the  meat  she  used  to  cook  never  had  a 
bone  in  it.  If  Mrs.  Samuel  ventured  to  ask — and  she  some 
times  did — if  the  animals  in  England  did  not  have  bones,  it 
was  looked  upon  as  a  piece  of  sarcasm  by  Samuel,  who 
would  call  for  his  "  'aversack,"  and  threaten  speedy  depar 
ture.  Betsy  Blower  no  more  thought  of  taking  a  mouthful 
between  meals  than  she  would  have  thought  of  throwing  out 
the  least  crumb  that  was  left  over.  If  there  was  one  potato 
left  from  dinner,  Samuel  looked  after  it.  A  strict  ac 
count  was  kept,  and  that  potato  must  be  forthcoming  the 
next  meal,  or  the  "  'aversack  "  was  brought  out.  Betsy  was 
told  that  "  no  such  damned  Yankee  wastefulness  could  be 
supported."  No  wonder  her  nerves  were  shaken.  That 
tf  'aversack"  had  nearly  killed  her. 

One  night  when  Samuel  Blower  was  preparing  to  retire, 
he  stepped  on  a  pin.  A  pin  is  a  little  thing  of  itself,  but 
when  a  man  steps  on  it  and  pricks  his  foot  it  becomes  an 
object  of  consideration.  We  have  no  language  to  write  up 
this  pin-scene.  Suffice  it  to  say,  Samuel  got  out  his  "  'aver 
sack"  ready  for  packing  early  in  the  morning. 

Mrs.  Blower  saw  pins  all  night,  and  when  she  dropped 


MRS.    BLOWERS   TROUBLES.  137 

into  a  fitful  doze  she  dreamt  there  was  a  pin  as  long  as  a 
rail,  and  that  Samuel  had  stepped  on  it  and  the  point  was 
coming  out  at  the  top  of  his  "  'ead,"  and  his  "  '"aversack" 
was  hung  on  the  point  of  the  pin,  and  that  Samuel  had  left 
her  bed  and  board  forever.  Such  was  the  state  of  Mrs. 
Blower's  nerves.  Ever  after,  when  Samuel  found  a  pin  on 
the  carpet,  he  would  pick  it  up,  run  to  his  wife,  and  glare 
at  her  in  such  a  demoniac  way,  that  it  came  near  dethron 
ing  her  reason.  Every  afternoon  Mrs.  Blower  instituted  a 
thorough  search  for  pins,  and  when  she  found  one  she 
would  tremble  like  an  aspen  leaf,  and  say:  "Oh!  oh!  if 
that  had  been  in  Samuel's  foot!"  At  last  she  resolved  to 
have  no  pins  in  the  house;  so  ever  afterwards  she  used 
thread  and  needle  to  sew  her  clothes  on.  Incredible  as 
this  may  appear,  it  is  the  truth,  upon  my  word. 

It  was  fun  to  hear  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Blower  going  on  about 
their  respective  countries.  Mr.  Blower  allowed  that  the 
Hamericans  were  a  hignorant  set.  All  they  knew  they 
'ad  learned  of  the  English.  Mrs.  Blower  asked  if  the 
English  taught  the  Americans  how  to  build  up  a  Republic  ? 
This  last  question  was  generally  a  settler  to  the  political 
discussions.  In  these  political  debates,  Mrs.  Blower  en 
tirely  forgot  her  illustrious  predecessor,  Oliver  Cromwell, 
and  she  would  rake  the  English  down  and  pile  their  dead 
bodies  up  to  her  husband's  nose,  making  a  breastwork  so 
high  that  she  would  stand  on  tip-toe  and  "  peek"  over  at 
her  vanquished  foe.  Generally,  after  Mrs.  Blower  had  com 
mitted  such  slaughter  upon  her  husband's  countrymen,  he 
comforted  himself  with  his  cups.  If  he  had  subdued  her 
with  a  pin,  she  had  subdued  him  with  the  sword. 

It  was  after  one  of  these  quarrels  Madame  Junk  called 
on  her  sister. 

"  I  declare,  Jane,  I  cannot  live  with  that  man." 

"  What's  the  matter  now?"  asked  Madame  Junk,  in  her 
blandest  tones. 

' '  Why,  he  calls  me  names.  It  was  only  this  morning  he 
calle  me  an  ignorant  Yankee  woman." 


138  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"Well,  that  is  not  a  bad  name.  I  take  pride  in  being 
called  a  Yankee  woman." 

"  But  if  you  had  to  hear  the  Yankees  slandered  from 
year's  end  to  year's  end,  you  would  get  tired." 

"  What  did  you  call  him?" 

"  I  called  him  Mount  Vesuvius." 

"  Ha!  ha!  indeed!  Well,  Betsy,  that  is  not  a  bad  name. 
Samuel  should  feel  quite  proud  of  his  name  also.  Vesuvius 
is  the  admiration  of  the  world,  and  so  are  the  Yankees;  so 
I  don't  see  but  the  honors  are  pretty  equally  divided.  You 
are  a  Yankee  woman  and  he  is  Mount  Vesuvius." 

As  we  remarked  before,  if  Madame  Junk  was  a  popgun 
in  times  gone  by,  she  was  a  cannon  of  great  weight  now. 
To  use  her  own  phraseology,  "  she  would  gather  up  her 
forceB  and  go  to  work."  Madame  Junk's  definition  of 
forces  was  to  rush  into  the  midst  of  the  political  melee 
armed  to  the  teeth. 

Joel  frequently  saw  the  Hon.  A.  G.  Smith  now.  He  had 
made  some  wonderful  speeches  in  favor  of  that  gentleman's 
election.  Miss  Sallie  Busy  was  competent  and  had  spared 
no  pains  in  the  training  of  Joel  in  elocution.  It  would  be 
needless  to  assert  that  any  other  boy  could  do  the  same, 
with  the  same  amount  of  training.  If  there  are  any,  they 
are  very  rare  instances. 

Joel  had  more  than  once  been  invited  to  dine  with  the 
Senator,  and  had  more  than  once  met  Carrie.  The  Senator 
must  have  forgotten  when  he  was  a  boy.  If  he  had  not 
forgotten  his  boyhood,  we  shall  conclude  that  he  did  not 
regard  poverty  or  obscure  birth  as  a  disgrace.  We  shall 
conclude  that  he  regards  brains  as  a  social  equalizer;  but 
we  know  positively  that  his  spouse  does  not — a  person  we 
have  not  until  the  present  mentioned,  and  for  this  reason, 
that  we  have  had  no  work  for  her  to  do.  Mrs.  Amos  Goliah 
Smith  is  more  for  ornament  than  use.  We  like  handsome 
things,  but  we  cannot  afford  to  fold  our  hands  and  look  at 
them  forever.  Mrs.  Smith  was  a  handsome  woman,  and, 


BUSY   TIMES.  139 

technically,  a  Christian.  She  did  not  take  snuff  or  chew 
tobacco.  She  had  read  Uncle  Tom's  Cabin,  and  believed 
in  its  moral  tone.  She  presided  in  her  husband's  mansion 
according  to  the  rules  of  conventional  society;  nothing  ever 
annoyed  her  so  much  as  coming  in  contact  with  the  vulgar 
herd.  She  was  an  American;  her  father  and  mother  were 
Americans;  and  that  is  about  as  far  back  as  we  know  any 
thing  about  them.  Her  ideas  of  social  equality  could  have 
been  classed  with  those  of  the  English  nobility.  These 
thoughts  had  developed  wonderfully  with  the  accumulation 
of  her  husband's  wealth;  these  grand  and  lofty  notions,  as 
Madame  Junk  would  put  it,  were  not  born  with  her. 

There  was  to  be  another  campaign  meeting  in  one  of  the 
largest  halls  in  the  city,  for  it  is  only  one  week  before  elec 
tion.  It  is  a  kind  of  general  mass  meeting.  There  were 
those  who  were  just  uncanny  enough  to  call  it  a  general 
muss  meeting.  There  will  be  a  president,  and  other  digni 
taries,  and  each  speaker  is  to  have  the  floor  twenty  minutes. 
The  speakers  have  been  chosen:  Madame  Junk  is  one,  Joel 
is  two,  Tom  Glewer  is  three,  and  there  are  several  more 
that  we  are  not  acquainted  with.  Miss  Sallie  Busy  has 
spread  herself  on  Joel's  speech.  Every  evening  for  more 
than  a  week  Joel  has  stood  up  before  that  worthy  English 
maiden  lady,  and  gesticulated  in  a  manner  worthy  of  a 
Demosthenes  at  this  and  that  point  in  the  speech  which  was 
calculated  to  overwhelm  the  crowd.  Miss  Busy  had  taught 
Joel  to  take  hold  of  one  corner  of  his  handkerchief  and  snap 
it  as  he  would  a  whip  over  the  heads  of  the  people.  At 
another  point  he  must  wipe  his  nose;  at  another  he  must 
wave  the  handkerchief  over  his  own  head,  "For,"  said  Miss 
Busy,  "  half  the  speech  is  in  the  gesture."  Miss  Busy 
hinted  that  she  once  wrote  a  speech  for  a  member  of  the 
British  Parliament,  and  heard  that  member  rehearse  it  too. 
Joel,  having  the  fullest  confidence  in  Miss  Busy's  ability, 
never  hesitated  to  follow  her  instructions  to  the  letter. 

Tom  Glewer  was  agitating  his  brain  over  a  telling  speech, 


I4O  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

one  that  was  calculated  to  be  a  settler  to  the  Temperance 
ticket.  Tom  would  refer  to  the  private  demijohns  of  Mr. 
Sampson  and  his  colleagues.  Tom  would  tell  how  they 
pretended  to  be  overfond  of  watermelons  in  public,  and 
how  they  took  something  in  private  with  not  so  much 
water  in  it.  In  short,  Tom  would  do  some  cutting  and 
slashing. 

Madame  Junk  would  appeal  to  their  higher  ambition. 
She  would  show  them  how  to  grow  strong.  She  would  help 
them  up  the  rugged  steps  that  lead  to  fame  and  a  nation's 
honor.  She  would  show  them  that  the  American  race  may 
become  the  greatest  nation  of  the  world.  She  would  tell 
them  what  our  nation  might  have  been,  and  what  it  will  be, 
provided  the  proper  means  to  make  it  so  are  used.  The 
very  first  step  toward  the  advancement  of  our  cause  would 
be  to  elect  A.  G.  Smith. 

But  as  we  seldom  say  just  those  things  we  have  laid  out 
to  say,  we  shall  presume  that  Madame  Junk  did  not  get  oft 
all  of  this.  Joel's  speech  was,  of  course,  in  favor  of  Mr. 
Smith,  and  so  was  Miss  Busy.  In  this  speech,  that  lady 
had  touched  lightly  upon  our  shortcomings;  was  careful  in 
her  references  and  comparisons.  She  wrote  glowingly  of 
the  coming  generation,  and  what  might  be  expected  of  them. 
It  was  a  concise  and  fairly  written  speech;  it  was  copied  ver 
batim  in  the  leading  journals  of  the  city,  which  gratified 
that  lady  not  a  little.  Much  as  we  would  like  to  please  Miss 
Busy,  we  must  speak  the  truth,  and  say,  had  the  same 
speech  been  rendered  by  a  man,  the  press  would  have  taken 
no  notice  of  it;  but  it  was  delivered  by  a  boy,  and  that  boy 
with  a  natural  gift  of  oratory.  There  was  a  smack  of  sensa 
tional  about  it,  which  delights  us  Americans.  It  matters 
not  if  it  comes  in  the  form  of  a  sermon  from  the  pulpit  or 
the  drama.  We  like  loud  effect,  will  have  it,  and  are  will 
ing  to  pay  the  very  highest  market  price  for  it.  "We  have 
an  eagle,  and  we  intend  to  keep  its  wings  spread. 

We  would  not  have  our  readers  think  that  Mr.  Sampson 


THE   ORGANS.  14! 

and  party  were  quiet  all  this  time.  True,  Mr.  Sampson  had 
no  woman  and  boy  to  work  for  him,  as  his  organ  exultingly 
put  forth;  but,  notwithstanding  this,  they  had  the  utmost 
confidence  in  his  success.  Mr.  Sampson's  organ  went  on  to 
say  that  the  intelligent  portion  of  the  community  were  not 
asleep,  and  that  said  community  valued  a  Christian  man, 
and  one,  too,  with  education.  They  thought  their  candi 
date  was  born  right;  he  was  a  man  who  would  in  no  way 
countenance  corner  groceries,  which,  under  the  pretense  of 
selling  crackers  and  salt,  in  reality  sell  whisky.  Ah  no! 
Mr.  Sampson's  organ  knew  the  people  would  not  be  dumb- 
fuzzled  this  time. 

The  next  day  Mr.  A.  Goliah  Smith's  organ  came  out  with 
a  two-column  leader,  in  which  the  editor  said  his  journalistic 
brother  seemed  very  much  agitated  over  corner  groceries. 
The  writer  of  the  article  presumed  that  his  brother  journal 
ist  would  feel  better  when  informed  that  these  corner  gro 
ceries  dealt  in  pop,  and  sometimes  watermelons.  In  short, 
that  article  whipped  the  devil  around  the  stump  pretty 
well. 


CHAPTEE    XIX. 

THE  PEOPLE'S  MAN— COMPLIMENTS  AND  CAKES. 

r  I  ^HIS  was  the  first  election  Miss  Busy  had  ever  been  in- 
_1_  terested  in.  "When  it  came  off  she  sat  up  all  night 
waiting  for  Joel  to  bring  the  news.  So  did  Madame  Junk. 
So  did  Tom  Glewer.  So  did  the  two  candidates.  Mrs. 
Sampson  kept  a  solitary  watch-meeting.  Mrs.  A.  G.  Smith 
went  to  bed.  Many  other  citizens  retired  also.  At  last  the 
returns  were  read  and  it  was  found  that  the  Hon.  Amos 
Goliah  Smith  was  elected  by  an  overwhelming  majority. 
Cheer  upon  cheer  went  up  and  cheered  up  A.  G.  Smith. 
The  flowing  bowl  went  round  and  flowed  over,  and  so  did 
Smith.  The  name  of  Smith  rang  out  upon  the  morning 
dawn.  There  was  such  a  racket  Mrs.  Smith  could  not 
sleep.  She  got  up  to  see  what  the  noise  was  about,  and 
found  five  brass  bands  in  front  of  her  house  playing  "  Hail 
Columbia."  If  she  had  had  one  drop  of  patriotic  blood  in 
her  veins  it  would  have  danced  this  morning.  As  it  was, 
she  said  it  made  her  head  ache.  The  old  cannon  was 
brought  out,  and,  loaded  with  an  extra  charge,  such  terrific 
volleys  were  fired  that  half  the  windows  in  the  city  were 
broken.  But  what  is  a  country  without  a  cannon?  And 
what  is  a  cannon  if  you  cannot  fire  it  off  on  election  day  ? 
Letters  of  congratulation  poured  in  from  all  parts  of  the 
country.  The  writers  of  these  letters  stated  that  they  were 
glad  he  had  won  the  day.  They  hoped  he  would  remember 
them.  They  had  worked  hard  to  elect  him,  etc.  Of  course, 
Mr.  Smith  would  do  it;  but,  if  he  keeps  his  word,  every 
municipal  officer  must  be  removed  to  make  way  for  his 


A    WAGON-LOAD    OF    COMPLIMENTS.  143 

friends.  There  was  a  general  hilarious  jubilee.  But  Mad 
ame  Junk,  Joel  and  Miss  5usy  were  not  forgotten.  The 
Congressman  sent  them  an  express  wagon  full  of  goodies 
with  his  compliments.  His  compliments  were  so  profuse 
that  it  required  a  separate  cart  to  convey  them.  These 
ladies  had  sufficient  rations  to  feed  a  small  army.  If  Mad 
ame  Junk  did  not  "  swing  around  the  circle  "  for  the  next 
few  days,  it  was  because  there  was  no  swing.  All  the  poor 
men  whom  she  had  induced  to  vote  her  ticket,  were  treated 
to  a  choice  morsel,  and  their  families  also.  Madame  Junk 
was  in  her  element.  Nothing  pleased  her  so  much  as  to 
play  Lady  Bountiful. 

In  the  exuberance  of  her  spirits,  she  called  upon 
Samuel  and  tendered  him  a  huge  sweet  cake,  all  filigreed 
around,  and  with  General  "Warren  done  up  in  sugar, 
dressed  in  full  uniform,  with  one  foot  firmly  planted,  wav 
ing  the  star-spangled  banner,  looking  as  if  he  had  just  re 
turned  from  the  battle  of  Bunker  Hill.  It  was  an  inappro 
priate  time  to  call,  for  Samuel  Blower's  windows  had  been 
broken  from  the  jar  of  the  cannon,  and  we  will  ask  what 
Englishman  could  feel  in  a  proper  mood  under  those 
circumstances?  And  then  to  have  General  Warren  dug  up 
and  made  over  into  sugar,  was  asking  too  much.  Madame 
Junk  found  her  brother-in-law  with  an  ominous  scowl  upon 
his  brow,  and  .both  ears  filled  with  cotton.  At  first  he 
could  not  hear  her  say,  "  Samuel,  I  have  brought  you  a 
cake."  He  drew  a  wad  of  cotton  from  one  ear  and  asked 
her  if  the  damned  fools  were  done  with  their  nonsense;  he 
had  been  through  the  war,  but  never  in  his  life  had  he 
heard  such  a  racket.  For  his  part,  he  thought  it  was  bad 
enough  for  men  to  get  so  excited;  but  when  women  began 
to  electioneer  it  was  an  abomination. 

Madame  Junk  let  him  fume  until  his  wrath  worked  off, 
then  she  set  about  making  a  delicious  cup  of  coffee.  She 
laid  the  table  nicely,  placing  thereon  such  things  as  the 
larder  of  Samuel  Blower  afforded,  together  with  the  cake, 


144  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

and  the  silent  sugar  soldier  poked  the  American  flag  right 
under  Samuel's  nose.  The  trio  sat  about  the  board — 
Samuel,  Betsy  and  Jane  Junk.  Gradually  the  conversation 
became  more  animated.  Betsy  and  Jane  spoke  of  family 
affairs,  past  reminiscences,  and  their  descent  from  Oliver 
Cromwell.  By  degrees  Samuel  forgot  the  broken  glass, 
and  removed  the  cotton  from  the  other  ear. 

"  How  would  you  like  to  get  into  the  Custom  House, 
Samuel?" 

"  Why  do  you  ask  that  question,  Jane?  You  know  hit 
is  himpossible." 

"  Samuel,  you  know  I  never  speak  of  impossible  things. 
I  have  the  promise  of  such  a  position  for  you." 

"  Jane/'  broke  out  Betsy,  in  pathetic  tones,  "you  always 
was  so  good — you  always  return  good  for  evil." 

"  Betsy,  'old  your  tongue;  you  know  you  don't  mean  a 
word  you  say.  Hif  you  was  one  'alf  as  good  a  disposition 
as  Jane,  you  would  'ave  made  me  a  'appier  man." 

"  A  happier  man,  indeed!  An  angel  from  heaven  could 
not  live  in  peace  with  you!" 

"  You  are  right.  No  hangels  will  venture  to  visit  a  man 
where  you  are." 

At  this  last  thrust  Betsy  began  to  sob.  Madame  Junk 
tried  hard  to  restore  quiet.  Samuel  said  that  was  "  hal- 
ways"  the  way;  he  could  never  'ave  a  meal  in  comfort,  and 
he  would  not  stay  in  a  'ouse  where  there  was  no  sort  of 
'armony.  He  called  for  his  'aversack,  and  flew  from  closet 
to  closet  packing  up  his  clothing. 

Madame  Junk  walked  after  him,  and  muttered  something 
about  incompatibility  of  temper  and  not  being  born  right. 
Betsy  was  sent  to  bed  and  Samuel  went  down  town,  and 
General  Warren  was  left  master  of  the  field.  Madame 
Junk  sat  down  to  the  table,  drank  another  cup  of  coffee, 
and  looked  at  the  sugar  General  and  said:  "  Yes,  you  were 
born  right.  I  wish  our  country  was  filled  with  men  born 
as  you  were." 


CHAPTEK    XX. 

SHE  WAS   MY  WIFE—  MADAME  JANE  JUNK  AND  THE 
HON.  A.  G.  SMITH. 


time  appointed  for  Madame  Junk's  and  Joel's  trial 
JL  had  arrived.  They  were  summoned  before  the  Court 
and  witnesses  were  sworn;  among  them  Jonas  Pictpink  and 
wife.  They  had  nothing  to  say  for  or  against  Madame 
Junk  —  she  had  bought  a  great  many  old  clothes  of  them. 
The  detective  gave  the  dying  Maria's  statement.  Madame 
Junk  was  asked  if  she  ever  saw  the  man  Burns  before.  She 
looked  directly  at  him  and  their  eyes  met.  There  was  a 
prolonged  stare,  which  attracted  the  attention  of  the  Court. 
The  Court  reminded  Madame  Junk  that  they  were  waiting 
for  her  answer.  "When  it  came  there  was  that  quiver  in  the 
voice  that  told  of  buried  grief. 

"  Yes,  I  saw  him  years  ago,  but  he  is  greatly  changed." 
The  Judge  then  asked  the  man  if  he  had  ever  seen  Mad 
ame  Junk  before;  and  if  so,  when  and  where,  and  under 
what  circumstances? 

"  The  last  time  I  saw  Madame  Junk  was  fifteen  years 
ago;  the  first  time  I  saw  her  was  twenty  years  ago,"  replied 
the  prisoner,  with  a  bold  front. 
"  Did  you  know  her  intimately?  " 
"I  should  think  so,  Sir.     She  was  my  wife  !  " 
Had  a  thunderbolt  fallen  in  their  midst,  they  would  not 
have  been  more  astonished.     Poor  Joel  suffered  most  of  all. 
His  arms  hung  limp  by  his  side,  his  cheeks  were  blanched 
to  an  ashy  hue,  his  large  eyes  dilated,  and  with  a  feverish 
glare  he  fixed  them  on  the  man.     Madame  Junk  saw  all, 


146  MADAME    JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

and  glided  to  Joel's  side.  She  placed  her  hand  upon  his 
shoulder,  and  said:  "Be  brave,  my  boy.  We  have  suf 
fered,  and  can  go  through  this."  At  this  disclosure,  every 
thing  wore  a  different  aspect.  The  Pictpinks  looked  at 
Madame  Junk  with  a  grin  of  delight,  as  much  as  to  say: 
"Madame,  you  are  caught  in  your  own  trap." 

"Is  that  man  the  boy's  father?"  asked  the  Court  of 
Madame  Junk.  With  as  steady  a  voice  as  she  could  com 
mand,  she  answered:  "He  is." 

'  'Are  you  his  mother  ?  " 

"  I  have  acted  the  part  of  ar  mother  since  he  was  an  in 
fant." 

"That  is  not  answering  the  question.  Did  you  give  birth 
to  that  boy?" 

"No,  Sir." 

Now  the  Court  was  mystified. 

"  Were  you  ever  that  man's  wife?" 

"Yes,  Sir." 

"  Were  you  the  mother  of  children  by  him  ?  " 

"Yes,  Sir;  two." 

"Where  are  they?" 

Madame  Junk  raised  her  eyesr  and  said,  in  a  tremulous 
tone,  "  In  heaven! " 

c '  How  came  you  with  this  boy  ?  " 

Madame  Junk's  whole  bearing  changed.  Her  eyes  flashed, 
her  voice  was  emphatic,  and  its  clear  truthful  ring  thrilled 
her  hearers. 

"  How  did  I  come  by  this  boy?  I  did  not  steal  him,  as 
I  shall  prove  to  you.  How  did  I  come  by  this  boy  ?  you 
ask.  That  boy  was  sent  to  me  by  his  father,  that  I  might 
rear  him  as  a  Christian,  and  make  him  a  good,  useful  citi 
zen.  That  boy  was  given  to  me  by  his  father,  because  that 
father  had  faith  in  me;  because  that  father  trusted  me;  and 
because  there  remained  sufficient  manhood  in  that  father  to 
desire  that  his  son  should  make  a  better  man  than  he  is.'"' 

' '  Have  you  any  proof  of  these  things  ?  " 


THE    TRIAL.  147 

The  -words  were  scarcely  uttered  before  there  rose  up 
from  the  crowd  a  man  with  a  red,  bloated  face,  who  sang 
out,  in  round  rich  Irish  brogue :  ' '  And  begorra  she  has !  It 
was  meself  that  was  after  taking  the  spalpeen  to  her." 
This  gentleman  was  taken  into  custody  at  once. 

The  Court  then  asked  Mr.  Burns  who  the  boy's  mother 
was. 

"  She  was  my  wife,  your  Honor." 

"A  legal  wife?" 

"A  legal  wife.  Madame  Junk  was  divorced  from  me  in 
the  State  of  New  York.  I  afterwards  married  a  young  girl. 
One  child  was  born  to  us — a  boy.  I  persuaded  my  wife  to 
give  the  child  in  care  of  an  institution  for  orphans,  but  in 
reality  I  sent  the  boy  to  my  former  wife.  I  have  the  firm 
est  confidence  in  her  as  a  Christian  woman.  She  is  the 
only  woman  I  would  trust  to  rear  a  child  of  mine."  The 
man  grew  eloquent,  and  the  Court  forgot  its  decorum. 
"  The  world  may  now  watch  the  progress  of  this  boy,  and 
see  if  my  confidence  has  been  misplaced.  That  boy  and 
his  adopted  mother  are  as  innocent  as  unborn  babes,  of 
aiding  or  abetting  me  to  escape  from  prison.  They  were 
alike  innocent  of  knowing  me."  His  deep  bass  voice  rose 
a  key  higher.  "  They  are  entirely  irresponsible  for  any 
charge  the  Court  has  brought  against  them.  I  alone  am 
guilty,  and  I  alone  should  be  punished. " 

All  this  time  Joel  stood  with  stony  stare,  and  his  heart 
full  of  bitter  curses.  He  closed  his  teeth  firmly  to  keep 
from  shouting,  "  You  lie!  you  lie  like  a  thief!  You  are  not 
my  father!"  Had  he  never  been  "developed"  by  Miss 
Busy;  had  he  never  met  Carrie,  or  her  father;  if  he  had 
never  been  advanced  beyond  carrying  papers  to  the  prison 
ers;  if  he  had  kept  right  along  working  for  God — he  would 
have  been  spared  this  humiliation.  God  would  have  taken 
the  responsibility.  But  Joel  had  been  waked  up;  he  had 
learned  that  he  must  carry  his  owrn  burdens,  and  bear  his 
own  humiliations.  Madame  Junk  had  taught  Joel  he  must 


148  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

do  his  duty,  and  God  would  take  care  of  the  rest.  Now 
Joel  thought  it  was  vice  versa.  God  would  do  his  duty,  and 
we  must  take  care  of  ourselves.  From  this  time  Joel's  re 
ligious  views  began  to  change.  He  no  longer  thought  God 
responsible  for  our  misfortunes.  There  stood  the  criminal 
the  world  would  call  his  father.  No  matter  what  his  am 
bitious  hopes  had  been,  this  was  a  blight.  No  matter  what 
eminence  he  might  attain,  this  would  always  be  a  reflection. 

"We  do  not  intend  to  attend  this  trial  all  through,  or  have 
our  readers  do  so.  It  lasted  long  enough  to  prove  Madame 
Junk  and  Joel  innocent  of  aiding  and  abetting  prisoners  to 
escape  the  law. 

Good  Dr.  S called  on  Madame  Junk,  and  tendered 

his  sympathy,  at  the  same  time  expressing  the  greatest  in 
terest  in  Joel.  Madame  Junk  was  widely  known  among  all 
classes,  and  especially  among  the  poor.  Soon  after  the 
election  of  the  Hon.  A.  G.  Smith  to  Congress,  Madame 
Junk  received  a  note  from  that  gentleman  requesting  an  in 
terview.  This  she  graciously  granted,  and  appointed  the 
next  afternoon  as  the  most  convenient  time.  She  was  to 
wait  upon  him  at  his  office.  "  Yes/'  thought  Madame  Junk, 
' '  he  has  been  thinking  the  matter  over,  and  sees  the  neces 
sity  of  a  prison  reform."  But  do  not  flatter  yourself,  my 
good  Madame  Junk;  it  is  nothing  of  the  sort.  She  had  re 
ceived  the  five  hundred  dollars  from  the  detective,  and  a 
good  share  of  it  had  been  made  up  from  the  Senator's  purse. 
She  had  made  up  her  mind  that  this  money  should  go  to 
ward  building  this  prison  reform. 

Again  Madame  Junk  donned  her  ancient  black  brocade, 
and  heightened  its  effect  by  real  laces  about  the  neck  and  at 
the  wrists.  It  was  seldom  she  ever  honored  any  one  by 
thus  attiring  herself.  Madame  Junk  found  Mr.  Smith  await 
ing  her.  It  was  unlike  her  first  call.  He  shook  hands  with 
her  warmly;  said  he  was  very  glad  that  she  had  come  out 
all  right;  he  always  believed  she  would.  Thereupon  the 
lady  remarked  that  (<  fortune  favored  the  brave,  and  God 


THE    CALL.  149 

sustained  the  right."  All  this  the  Senator  had  no  doubt 
about. 

After  the  usual  preliminaries  had  been  gone  through  with 
for  opening  a  conversation,  the  Senator  said: 

"  Where  is  Joel  now  ?  Why  has  not  the  boy  called  to  see 
me  since  the  election  ?" 

"  Joel  is  rather  depressed  since  the  trial.  He  thinks  you 
have  no  use  for  him;  he  is  painfully  sensitive/' 

"  Have  you  any  line  laid  down  for  the  boy  to  follow  ?" 

"  No,  Sir,  not  especially,  except  that  I  intend  to  make  him 
a  good  man,  and,  above  all,  an  honest  one." 

' '  That  is  right.     Has  he  any  guardian  but  you  ?" 

"  No,  he  has  no  need  of  any  but  me,"  said  Madame  Junk, 
bridling  up  at  such  a  question. 

"  Well,  Madame,  I  do  not  wish  you  to  infer  that  I  think 
he  has  needed  any  other.  I  am  very  much  interested  in  this 
boy,  and  should  be  pleased  to  do  something  for  him.  I 
should  like  to  see  that  boy  apply  his  wonderful  talent  in  the 
right  direction.  Madame,  would  you  be  willing  that  I 
should  be  appointed  Joel's  guardian,  provided  the  boy 
would  like  it  ?" 

"If  you  were  appointed  his  guardian,  how  would  you 
direct  him  ?" 

"  I  would  educate  him  first." 

"  That  is  good,"  replied  Madame  Junk;  "  but  theoretical 
education  has  turned  out  a  great  number  of  blockheads." 

"  That  may  be  true,"  replied  the  Senator,  with  a  laugh; 
"  but  that  was  where  they  were  natural  born  wooden  heads. 
Education,  combined  with  intellect,  may  achieve  much  more 
than  intellect  without  education.  You  believe  in  education, 
do  you  not,  Madame  ?" 

"I  believe  in  knowledge.  All  knowledge  comes  from 
practical  experience.  A  man  may  read  much  of  travels  and 
explorations,  but  to  have  knowledge  we  must  ourselves 
explore. 

1  'Very  good,  Madame;  but  does  not  education  develop  a 
desire  to  know  for  ourselves?" 


150  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

Madame  Junk  knew  all  this  as  well  as  he;  in  fact  she  was 
only  talking  to  draw  him  out,  and  ascertain  his  exact  views 
in  regard  to  general  things;  she  was  more  pleased  than  she 
chose  to  show. 

' '  Think  over  my  proposition,  and  ask  Joel  to  call  and  see 
me;  I  wish  the  boy  to  feel  at  home  with  me/' 

"I  should  judge,  by  the  interest  you  have  taken  in  Joel 
and  myself,  that  you  were  a  believer  in  social  equality." 

"Ah  no!  in  this  you  are  mistaken.  I  do  not  believe  in 
the  social  equality  of  brains;  I  only  believe  in  the  classifi 
cation  of  them;  I  believe  they  should  be  placed  in  order 
according  to  their  weight  and  value,  and  that,  too,  irrespec 
tive  of  birth  or  money." 

"That  comes  from  your  past  experience,  Senator,  which 
is  worth  more  than  all  the  college  courses  in  the  world." 

At  the  words  "college  courses"  the  Senator  reddened.  He, 
too;  was  sensitive.  He  had  had  this  flung  in  his  teeth  be 
fore,  but  in  a  much  less  delicate  way  than  Madame  Junk 
had  done  it.  The  lady  saw  that  he  was  the  least  bit  touched, 
and  hastened  to  make  good  this  indiscreet  allusion  to  his 
lack  of  education,  by  saying:  "  Do  you  know,  Senator,  that 
it  has  always  been  the  men  who  have  suffered,  and  have 
made  themselves,  that  have  advanced  this  nation,  and  every 
other  nation?  A  man  is  only  great  in  proportion  to  the 
obstacles  he  overcomes  in  attaining  a  great  object." 

"If  this  be  true,"  replied  the  Senator,  with  a  laugh,  "it 
would  be  worth  the  while  of  every  man  who  wishes  to  be 
great  to  court  obstacles/' 

"Not  necessarily.  If  great  objects  could  be  attained 
without  obstacles,  greatness  would  become  such  a  common 
place  thing  we  should  hardly  be  able  to  discern  between 
great  and  small." 

"Perhaps,  Madame,  we  might  define  this  better  by  the 
word  strength." 

"No,  Senator,  it  would  still  have  the  same  meaning.  It 
requires  strength  to  lift  big  things,  I  don't  care  whether 
physically  or  mentally." 


THE    REFORM    QUESTION.  151 

Madame  Junk  was  not  a  little  disappointed  that  the  Sen 
ator  never  so  much  as  once  referred  to  the  prison  reform 
question.  Indeed,  it  had  quite  passed  out  of  that  gentle 
man's  mind;  so  she  opened  the  ball  in  a  neat,  round-about 
way,  by  going  back  to  the  word  classify. 

"  Senator,  you  say  that  you  believe  in  the  classification  of 
talent.  If  so,  I  should  think  you  would  rear  an  institution 
encouraging  and  promoting  such  a  classification.  Now, 
don't  you  know  that  there  are  men  and  boys  incarcerated 
in  our  jails  and  prisons  who  are  really  gifted?" 

"Yes,"  returned  the  Senator;  "  gifted  they  are,  but  devil 
ish  lazy.  Excuse  the  expression,  Madame;  I  have  so  little 
forbearance  for  a  gifted  man  who  has  no  principle.  Mad 
ame,  I  think  such  an  institution  as  you  speak  of  would  only 
encourage  crime." 

"But  suppose  these  men  were  not  brought  up  in  fear  of 
the  Lord — men  who  never  had  a  mother  that  taught  them 
to  pray." 

"A  man  with  a  superior  brain  does  not  require  to  be 
taught  to  fear  the  Lord  in  order  to  do  the  right."  The  Sen 
ator  waxed  warm.  "Why,  Madame!  if  such  an  institution 
were  to  be  erected  for  talented  profligacy,  you  would  find 
these  scamps  outwitting  us  at  every  turn.  Such  an  institu 
tion  might  come  under  the  name  of  a  resort  to  enable  men 
to  evade  the  law,  for  in  reality  it  would  be  that." 

"I  do  not  doubt,"  said  Madame  Junk,  "there  would  be 
instances  where  we  should  be  disgraced;  but  the  blessed 
Bible  tells  us,  '  Inasmuch  as  ye  did  it  unto  one  of  the  least 
of  these,  my  brethren,  ye  have  done  it  unto  me.' " 

"  That  is  all  very  well,  but  I  prefer  to  save  my  one  sinner 
in  another  way,  and  not  at  the  risk  of  encouraging  the 
ninety-nine  in  crime.  Yes,  Madame,  there  is  much  religion 
taught  upon  the  questions  of  reform,  but  I  have  observed 
that  men  and  women  usually  choose  that  path  in  life  they 
love  the  best.  Still,  I  will  admit  that  circumstances  and  in 
fluence,  combined  with  early  training,  have  much  to  do  with 


152  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

forming  the  character.      Almost  the  entire  responsibility 
rests  with  the  mothers." 

"Yes/5  said  Madame  Junk,  eagerly,  this  being  the  first 
opening  for  the  pet  theme.  "  But,  Senator,  it  begins  be 
fore  birth.  When  men  and  women  understand  the  law  of 
propagation  for  the  human  race  one  half  as  well  as  they  do 
that  of  the  dumb  beasts,  we  shall  have  no  need  of  institu 
tions  for  reform." 

"  Yes,  Madame,  I  understand  your  meaning;  but  answer 
me  this  question:  How  is  it  that  children  born  under  the 
most  favorable  and  harmonious  circumstances,  ofttimes  make 
the  worst  men  and  women  ?  For  instance,  the  children  of 
divines  are  ofttimes  as  bad  as  bad  can  be." 

"Ah!"  said  Madame  Junk,  "  we  do  not  see  the  inner  life 
of  those  fathers  and  mothers.  Everything  may  look  lovely 
to  outsiders,  but  there  is  something  wrong  behind  the  cur 
tain,  depend  upon  it." 

"  Well,  then,  let  us  take  the  opposite  side  of  the  ques 
tion.  Excuse  me  for  the  comparison,  Madame.  Here  is 
Joel.  From  all  that  we  can  learn  of  his  parentage,  he  was 
born  under  anything  but  favorable  conditions.  His  father 
is  an  outlaw,  and  I  should  judge  his  mother  was  but  very 
little  better;  and  yet  this  boy  is  honesty  boiled  down.  I 
know,  for  I  have  tested  him  in  every  way." 

"  I  brought  Joel  up,"  said  Madame  Junk,  with  a  little 
asperity  in  her  tones. 

"  I  understand  that,"  said  the  Senator,  "  and  it  proves 
that  the  boy's  great  principles  have  nothing  to  do  with  his 
parentage.  Madame,  we  have  prolonged  this  conversation. 
I  hope,"  said  the  Senator,  taking  out  his  timepiece,  "  that' 
we  may  have  an  opportunity  of  discussing  this  question  at 
some  future  time." 

( '  I  have  a  book  nearly  completed  on  the  Proper  Propaga 
tion  of  the  American  Race." 

"  Ah,  indeed!  I  shall  take  pleasure  in  perusing  it,"  taid 
the  Senator,  in  his  blandest  tones. 


PLANS    FOR   JOEL.  153 

"  How  long  will  you  remain  here,  Senator?" 

"  Three  weeks.  During  that  time  I  should  like  to  estab 
lish  Joel  in  some  place  where  he  can  have  a  show  worthy  of 
his  ability.  Madame,  do  you  not  think  the  boy  has  talent 
for  a  lawyer?" 

"Maybe  he  has,"  said  Madame  Junk;  "we  know  he  can 
talk.  All  that  would  come  in  the  way  of  such  a  profes 
sion  for  Joel  would  be  his  honesty,"  said  the  lady,  with  a 
smile. 

"I  have  been  thinking,"  said  the  Senator,  "  if  you  and 
Joel  conclude  to  let  me  have  a  voice  in  the  directing  of  him, 
I  have  a  plan  which  seems  to  me  feasible.  Let  us  see:  how 
old  is  Joel?" 

"Fourteen." 

"  Don't  you  think  Joel  thinks  himself  too  old  to  be 
taught  by  that  English  lady — that  Miss  Much-to-do,  or  what 
is  her  name?" 

"  Miss  Busy,"  corrected  Madame  Junk. 

"  Ah,  yes;  I've  a  poor  memory  for  names." 

"  No,  Sir;  I  do  not  think  he  does;  and  if  he  does,  I  don't. 
Miss  Busy  is  very  competent  and  the  best  educated  woman 
in  California.  There  are  none  of  the  men  teachers  any  bet 
ter  educated,  and  I  doubt  if  there  are  any  so  well." 

"  Boys  are  sometimes  a  little  sensitive  about  being 
taught  by  a  woman,"  said  the  Senator.  "  I  have  a  friend 
who  is  a  lawyer;  he  was  formerly  Attorney-General  of  New 
Jersey.  This  gentleman  has  heard  Joel  speak  several  times 
and  has  taken  a  lively  interest  in  the  boy." 

"  What  name,  please?"  said  Madame  Junk. 

"  D.  D.  Spludge." 

"  Yes,  I  have  heard  of  him." 

"  Well,  what  I  propose  is,  that  Joel  shall  go  on  with  his 
evening  studies,  under  the  tuition  of  Miss  Work — " 

"  Miss  Busy,"  corrected  Madame  Junk  again. 

"  And  shall  begin  work  with  D.  D.  Spludge  through  the 
day.  In  this  way  the  theory  you  so  much  object  to  will  be 


154  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

done  away  -with.  Mr.  Spludge  will  pay  him  small  wages, 
enough  to  develop  an  independent  spirit,  which  is  one  of 
the  first  essentials  in  a  man.  If  I  had  a  son,  the  first  thing 
I  would  teach  him  would  be  self-reliance." 

4 '  Your  plan  looks  like  one  that  might  be  safely  adopted. 
I  will  talk  with  Joel,  and  you  had  better  talk  with  him  also. 
When  will  you  have  Joel  call  ?  " 

"Well,  I  will  name  to-morrow  evening,  at  my  residence. 
At  my  office,  through  the  day,  I  should  be  subjected  to 
many  interruptions.  Remember,  Madame,  I  do  not  wish 
the  guardianship  of  the  boy,  unless  yourself  and  Joel  de 
sire  it.  My  motive  is  a  disinterested  one.  I  have  very  little 
fear  that  the  boy  will  not  be  eventually  all  right,  but  I 
thought  my  influence  might  not  be  out  of  place  in  giving 
him  a  start." 

"  Senator,  you  are  kind  beyond  what  I  thought  a  man 
could  be  in  your  position."  Madame  Junk  did  not  like  to 
trust  herself  to  say  more.  Her  voice  was  growing  the  least 
mite  tremulous,  as  she  put  out  her  hand,  and  said  only  two 
words  more — "Good  by,"  and  was  gone. 


CHAPTEE    XXL 

D.  D.  SPLUDGE  AND  FAMILY— THE  WILL  OF  GOD—DIF* 
FERENCE  IN  CHRISTIAN  VIEWS— CHRISTIANITY  IN 
PRISON. 

A  LLOW  us,  reader,  to  introduce  you  to  D.  D.  Spludge, 
._j\  Esq.  His  mother  named  him,  when  he  was  four 
weeks  old,  David  Delight  Spludge.  He  was  called  David 
after  a  brother  of  old  Mrs.  Spludge,  and  Delight  after  a 
sister;  and  he  has  since  proved  to  that  good  mother,  as  far 
as  the  Delight  part  of  his  name  is  concerned,  that  he  was 
not  miscalled.  On  his  mother's  side,  he  descended  directly 
from  the  Puritan  fathers.  There  was  a  good  deal  of  Plym 
outh  Bock  in  Mr.  Spludge's  composition.  Mr.  Spludge 
is  tall,  and  as  straight  as  a  rule.  He  is  a  rule.  He  does 
everything  by  rule;  therefore  he  is  a  good  disciplinarian. 
He  is  an  able  counsel  in  all  things.  Furthermore,  he  is 
married,  has  a  wife  and  two  children — a  girl  and  a  boy. 
The  girl  is  ten  or  twelve,  the  boy  eight.  The  boy's  name 
is  not  Delight,  but  James  William.  The  daughter's  name 
is  Lilian.  Mrs.  Spludge's  name  is  Mary.  Mrs.  Spludge  is 
a  good  little  woman,  who  has  been  thoroughly  regulated  by 
her  husband. 

Mr.  Spludge  does  not  belong  to  that  class  termed  wealthy 
men  of  America;  still,  he  is  not  what  we  call  a  poor  man, 
his  real  estate,  goods  and  chattels  being  appraised  at  some 
thing  over  five  hundred  thousand  dollars;  and,  mind  you, 
this  has  been  acquired  by  his  own  management.  His  father 
and  mother  did  not  give  him  anything  but  a  good  educa 
tion,  and  a  fine  broadcloth  freedom  suit  when  he  was 


156       MADAME  JANE  JUNK  AND  JOE. 

twenty-one.  Mr.  Spludge  lives  iu  what  we  call  good  style. 
His  household  is  a  well-regulated  one.  He  keeps  two  men- 
servants  and  two  maid-servants,  has  a  spanking  turnout, 
and  a  pew  in  church;  attends  pretty  regularly,  and  his  wife 
and  children  very  regularly.  Take  him  all  in  all,  he  is 
not  a  bad  man.  Now  that  we  have  performed  the  ceremo 
nious  duty  of  introducing  D.  D.  Spludge  and  family,  we 
will  turn  to  old  acquaintances. 

Madame  Junk  flew  hither  and  thither.  She  called  upon 

her  beloved  pastor,  the  good  Dr.  S ,  and  consulted  with 

him  in  regard  to  the  proposition  for  Joel.  The  good  man 
advised  her  by  all  means  to  accept  it.  Kind  Providence 
had  placed  it  in  her  way,  and  no  doubt  it  was  the  will  of 
God. 

After  Madame  Junk  and  her  pastor  had  looked  this  thing 
over,  the  Senator  came  in  for  a  very  small  share  of  what 
looked  to  be  the  good  fortune  of  Joel.  They  gave  all  the 
credit  to  God,  without  so  much  as  crediting  one  cent's 
worth  to  the  Senator's  goodness  of  heart.  We  hope  the 
reader  will  not  misunderstand  them,  and  think  they  de 
signed  to  be  unjust.  In  their  inordinate  love  of  God,  the 
Senator  was  forgotten.  The  pastor  touched  lightly  upon 
Madame  Junk's  past  life;  and  she  confided  to  him  its  sor 
rows  and  burdens.  Madame  Junk  had  a  disagreeable  task 
to  perform.  Nevertheless,  it  was  a  duty,  and  she  would 
religiously  carry  it  out.  The  world  now  understood  in  what 
relation  the  gentlemanly  forger  stood  to  her  and  Joel.  No 
one  blamed  her.  She  was  honored  for  the  straightforward 
principles  which  she  had  ever  maintained.  A  woman  who 
is  forty  years  of  age  may  be  looked  upon  as  rather  too  an 
tiquated  for  an  interesting  heroine.  "We  know  our  readers 
(especially  the  male  portion  of  them)  would  prefer  a  hand 
some,  dashing  heroine,  twenty  years  younger.  "We  regret 
that  we  cannot  oblige  them,  but  we  are  just  out  of  that 
quality  of  heroine. 

Madame   Junk  was  about  to  visit  that  obdurate  man. 


NO    LONGER   YOUNG.  157 

With  this  view,  we  find  her  this  morning  making  her  toilet 
with  unusual  care,  while  her  sister,  Betsy  Blower,  sits  in 
one  corner  of  the  room.  Betsy  is  bewailing  the  supposed 
loss  of  their  respectability  and  asking  of  what  avail  it  is  now 
that  they  descended  from  Oliver  Cromwell  ? 

"  Jane,  you  see  what  comes  of  poking  around  after  rags. 
If  you'd  staid  away  from  that  rag-shop,  we  should  not  have 
been  in  this  disgrace." 

"Maybe  not,  Betsy;  but  we  might  have  had  something 
worse.  It  is  all  the  will  of  God.  If  I  can  redeem  the 
man's  soul  I  don't  mind  the  disgrace." 

"  Jane,  if  you  could  not  redeem  the  man  when  you  were 
young  and  handsome,  I  do  not  see  how  you  expect  to  do  it 
now  that  you  are  old  and  have  lost  your  beauty." 

"  All,  Betsy?  "  and  Madame  Junk  gave  a  little  start,  and 
glanced  at  the  small  looking-glass  before  which  she  was 
dressing  her  hair.  "Yes,  Betsy,  that  is  true;  I  am  no 
longer  young  and  good-looking;  but  you  must  remember 
he,  too,  is  of  my  age,  and  maybe  years  of  experience  in 
crime  have  shown  him  that  c  the  way  of  the  transgressor  is 
hard?"' 

"Suppose  you  do  convince  him  of  a  God  and  a  future 
world,  he  will  have  to  serve  seven  years  in  the  penitentiary. 
He  can  never  be  respected;  he  will  never  be  anybody." 

' '  Betsy,  I  am  astonished  at  your  selfish  views  on  religion. 
You  are  a  discredit  to  the  Cromwells.  Will  not  repentance 
and  a  trust  in  God  be  a  comfort  to  him  in  these  long  years 
of  confinement?  Is  "there  not  'more  joy  in  heaven  among 
the  angels  over  one  sinner  that  repenteth,  than  over  ninety 
and  nine  just  persons  that  need  no  repentance  ? '  What  do 
you  think  our  pastor  would  say  to  your  religious  views  ?  I 
have  consulted  him,  and  he  advises  me  to  assist  this  man  to 
seek  the  Lord,  and  I  shall  follow  his  counsels." 

"  Has  he  ?  Then  I  advise  you  to  do  so  too.  When  you 
first  spoke  I  thought  it  was  another  one  of  your  wild-goose 
chases." 


158       MADAME  JANE  JUNK  AND  JOE. 

"  Yes,  Dr.  S thought  I  had  best  go  alone  this  time 

and  talk  with  this  man;  but  the  next  time  he  will  accom 
pany  me." 

"You  don't  say  so!  How  good  he  is!  I  will  go  with 
you  when  our  pastor  goes.  You  know,  Jane,  I  am  a  good 
talker  and  can  probably  do  as  much  toward  converting  this 
man  as  any  other  woman;  any  way,  I  do  not  think  it  is  any 
more  than  right  I  should  try." 

"  Betsy,  you  remember  you  never  was  a  favorite  of  his — 
f  he  never  liked  you  as  a  child/' 

"  Well,  I  guess  there  was  no  love  lost.  I  always  knew 
he  was  a  rascal,  and  my  words  have  proven  true.  I  was  a 
fool  to  offer  to  save  him.  He  can't  be  saved,  and  never  will 
be." 

With  these  words,  Betsy  flounced  out  of  the  room,  went 
home,  and  comforted  herself  with  an  extra  strong  cup  of 
tea. 

When  Madame  Junk  had  completed  her  toilet,  she 
glanced  again  at  herself  in  the  small  glass.  A  little  sigh 
crept  up  over  her  lips  as  she  soliloquized  to  herself,  "  Yes! 
yes!  I  am  growing  old.  I  forget  it.  Only  when  I  am  re 
minded  do  I  remember  that  I  am  forty.  How  time  flies ! 
It  seems  scarcely  more  than  a  week  since  I  gave  my  heart 
and  hand  to  Ralph  Drewer.  I  thought  I  should  be  happy, 
but  alas!  he  was  not  born  right.  Poor  man!  I  was  too 
young.  Had  I  then  had  the  knowledge  I  possess  to-day,  I 
believe  I  could  have  redeemed  him.  Never  too  late  to  do 
good.  I  will  gird  on  the  armor  of  the  Lord  and  put  my 
hand  to  the  plow  without  looking  back." 

Madame  Junk  sat  resting  her  left  elbow  in  the  palm  of 
her  right  hand;  her  left  hand  was  shading  her  eyes.  She 
had  made  it  a  rule  never  to  do  anything  without  asking  God 
to  help  her.  This  is  what  she  is  doing  now;  she  is  praying 
earnestly  for  the  man  who  wrecked  her  early  life;  she  is 
praying  that  the  lost  sheep  may  be  brought  within  the  fold. 
After  she  had  offered  up  this  silent  prayer  to  God,  she  arose, 


THE    INTERVIEW.  159 

put  on  her  high,  old-fashioned  bonnet,  and  a  shawl,  which 
she  wore  many  years  ago,  and  started  out  upon  her  Christian 
duty. 

In  her  walk  toward  the  prison,  she  seemed  to  be  in  a 
brown  study.  The  jailer  greeted  her  with  as  much  suavity 
as  he  possessed.  Anticipating  her  wish  before  she  had  time 
to  name  it,  he  led  the  way  to  what  was  known  as  Burns's  cell, 
this  gentleman  being  known  in  the  community  by  that  name. 
Before  they  reached  it,  Madame  Junk  asked  the  man  to  un 
lock  the  door,  and  leave  her  alone  with  the  man  at  least  an 
hour,  at  the  same  time  adding  that  her  beloved  pastor  would 
accompany  her  the  next  time. 

The  key  was  turned  in  the  lock,  and  Madame  Junk  stepped 
within  the  small  cell.  The  man  was  stretched  upon  his  cot. 
He  stood  up,  and  bowed  as  low  as  the  narrow  place  would 
admit. 

"I  regret  that  my  accommodations  are  so  limited,  but 
you  are  welcome  to  such  as  they  are." 

"Your  accommodations  are  as  good  as  I  can  expect  under 
existing  circumstances."  Madame  Junk,  in  her  younger 
days,  had  not  been  slow  at  repartee,  and  could  hold  her 
own  now  when  called  out.  The  two  sat  looking  at  each 
other  for  at  least  a  minute.  The  man  was  the  first  to 
speak. 

"Where  is  the  boy?" 

"  About  the  city  somewhere." 

"  Does  he  come  home  at  night  ?" 

"  Certainly;  my  house  is  his  home,  such  as  it  is." 

' '  Has  he  never  evinced  any  desire  to  see  me  ?" 

"  Joel  has  never  expressed  any  such  wish  in  my  hearing." 

"  My  son  is  no  beggar,  Madame;  I  have  money." 

"  He  shall  never  touch  it  while  I  live,  and  not  after  I  am 
dead,  if  I  can  help  it.  I  brought  that  boy  up,  and  his  hands 
have  never  been  stained  by  dishonest  or  ill-gotten  gains." 

The  man  smiled,  and  his  white  teeth  glittered  like  a  row 
of  tombstones. 


l6o  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"  Still  riding  your  old  hobby,  Jane." 

"  Yes,  I  am  going  to  ride  into  heaven  on  it;  won't  you 
take  a  seat?" 

"  No!  Much  as  I  appreciate  your  kindness,  the  coach  is 
too  slow." 

"  But  it  is  sure  and  secure." 

"  Not  if  you  have  me  for  a  cargo." 

"  When  I  invited  you  to  take  a  seat  with  me,  of  course 
there  were  conditions  which  I  should  have  named." 

"I  should  have  known  that.  Will  you  please-  name 
them  ?" 

"  You  should  divest  yourself  of  sin;  you  should  seek  re 
pentance,  and  become  pure  in  heart;  you  should  ask  God 
to  forgive  you  for  all  your  past  misdeeds;  you  should  spend 
the  balance  of  your  life  in  serving  God." 

"  A  man  cannot  serve  two  masters,  Jane;  and  you  see  I 
have  to  go  to  work  shortly  for  the  State.  I  want  to  see  my 
boy,  and  have  a  talk  with  him  first." 

"Do  you?" 

"Yes,  and  I  will." 

«  Will  you?" 

"Yes,  Madame;  I  will." 

"  Did  you  not  give  the  boy  to  me  ?" 

"Yes,  I  did;  but  I  did  not  anticipate  your  diabolical 
wish  that  I  should  never  see  the  boy  or  call  him  mine." 

"  How  do  you  know  I  do  not  wish  you  to  see  him?" 

"I  know  you,  Jane,  of  old.  You  are  firm  in  what  you 
think  is  right;  and  your  maudlin  sentiment  in  regard  to 
religion  will  stand  in  the  boy's  way." 

"  Religion  can  never  stand  in  the  way  of  honor  and 
principle." 

"I  suppose  you  have  a  wagon-load  of  conditions  for  me 
before  you  will  consent  that  I  should  see  the  boy?" 

"Yes;  I  have  some  conditions  which  must  be  complied 
with  before  I  shall  allow  you  to  see  my  boy.  Ealph,  I  did 
not  come  here  to  wrangle  with  you.  I  came  to  beseech  you 
to  seek  repentance  and  be  saved." 


THE    INTERVIEW.  l6l 

"Be  saved?"  said  the  man,  bitterly.  "I  want  to  see 
my  boy.  Haven't  I  a  right  to  feel  proud  of  such  a  son?" 

"No,"  said  Madame  Junk,  flatly;  "you  have  not.  What 
have  you  done  to  make  him  what  he  is  ?  You  had  not  suf 
ficient  confidence  in  your  own  right-doing  to  bring  him  up. 
You  may  prate  until  doomsday  about  my  religion;  when  it 
comes  to  the  point  you  will  trust  me  and  my  religion. 
You  have  said  this  in  a  court  of  justice.  You  preferred 
that  I  should  rear  an  object  you  loved.  And  now  that  he 
bids  fair  to  become  all  that  a  man  should  be,  you  ask  if  you 
have  not  a  right  to  feel  proud  of  him,  when  you  have  never 
done  one  thing  toward  inculcating  those  principles  you  so 
much  admire.  As  a  sire,  you  would  be  a  discredit  to  any 
offspring.  From  the  moment  I  received  the  child  I  began 
making  him  over,  so  to  speak.  From  the  moment  he  could 
lisp  a  word  I  taught  him  honesty.  I  taught  him  the  great 
sin  of  stealing,  and  of  fraud,  and  of  all  kinds  of  duplicity." 

Madame  Junk  had  spoken  warmly,  emphatically,  and 
hurriedly;  so  much  so  that  she  was  out  of  breath.  When 
she  had  finished,  the  man  held  out  his  hand;  he  hung  his 
head;  he  looked  ashamed.  When  he  looked  up  there  was 
moisture  in  his  eyes. 

"Jane,  you  are  the  only  woman  I  have  ever  wholly  and 
entirely  trusted.  You  have  held  a  glass  that  I  might  see 
myself.  I  do  not  like  my  portrait.  What  are  the  condi 
tions  upon  whicli  I  may  see  your  son?" 

"The  first  and  foremost  is,  that  you  will  not  tell  him  that 
you  have  money,  and  intend  giving  it  to  him.  If  you  make 
any  such  attempt,  I  shall  upset  your  plans;"  and  Madame 
Junk's  blue  eye  flashed  determination.  "Joel  shall  by  his 
own  energy,  and  the  help  of  God,  earn  every  dollar  he  has." 

"  Jane,  you  are  insane.     What  shall  I  do  with  my  money?" 

"  Give  it  back  to  the  poor,  from  whom  you  robbed  it." 

"Take  that  back,  Jane!  Take  it  back.  It  is  a  falsehood 
— the  first  one  I  ever  heard  you  utter.  Take  it  back!  I 
never  took  a  dollar  from  a  poor  man  in  my  life;  but  on  the 
ii 


1 62  MADAME   JANE   JUNK    AND   JOE. 

contrary,  I  have  given  thousands  to  the  poor."  His  face 
reddened,  his  black  eyes  flashed,  and  all  the  manhood  there 
was  in  him  rebuffed  the  accusation. 

She  laughed  a  low  musical  laugh. 

"  Jane,  you  should  modify  your  statements  a  little.  You 
should  say  I  had  robbed  the  men  who  had  robbed  the  poor; 
that  would  come  under  the  truth.  I  was  only  following 
the  Scripture  where  it  reads,  '  As  ye  measure  unto  others, 
so  it  shall  be  measured  back  to  you  again/  " 

Madame  Junk  was  thinking  intently;  she  had  scarcely 
heard  one  word  the  man  had  been  saying. 

"  Ralph,  I  have  a  noble  plan  for  you;  and  one  that  would 
be  worthy  in  the  sight  of  God." 

"  Jane,  please  to  leave  God  out.  I  have  every  reason  to 
think  He  does  not  feel  friendly  toward  me.  I  much  prefer 
that  you  should  say  that  you  have  a  plan  that  would  be 
worthy  in  the  sight  of  men.  I  might  listen  then." 

"  Well,  in  the  sight  of  men,  if  you  will  have  it  so.  For 
the  least  ye  do  unto  one  of  them,  ye  do  unto  me  also.  As 
I  have  told  you  before,  my  son  Joel  shall  never  accept  one 
dime  of  your  money.  If  you  wish  to  atone  for  your  past 
crimes,  build  a  States  Prison  Reform." 

"Ho!  ho!  ha!  ha!  "Well,  now,  Madame,  excuse  my 
laughter.  You  are  jesting.  Build  a  fine  home  for  knaves 
to  dwell  in?  Why,  Jane,  you  are  more  mad  than  you  used 
to  be.  Well!  well!  Build  a  home  and  languish  in  prison 
myself  I" 

"  Ralph,  with  all  your  shrewdness  you  are  far  from  being 
diplomatic.  Can't  you  see  how  such  a  move  would  tend 
toward  a  brief  sojourn  in  prison?  Why,  you  would  be  par 
doned  out  in  a  year's  time." 

The  man  thought  a  moment,  and  with  selfish  interest  he 
grasped  the  idea.  Madame  Junk  had  touched  the  right 
chord  and  intended  to  thrum  it.  There  is  no  reason  why  a 
criminal  cannot  be  a  philanthropist. 

"  It  would  be  new,  at  least,"  said  the  man,  thoughtfully, 


THE    INTERVIEW.  163 

"  and  the  world  is  ever  ready  to  take  up  new  things.  But, 
Jane,  if  I  am  going  in  for  a  pardon,  I  shall  build  a  church." 

Madame  Junk  was  disappointed.  "We  have  plenty  of 
churches  now,  but  no  prison  reforms.** 

"  I  don't  care  for  that;  I  shall  go  for  the  most  popular 
thing.  Who  has  any  confidence  in  a  convict?  No  matter 
if  he  is  reformed  a  dozen  times  over.  But  they  have  confi 
dence  in  a  house  of  worship.  I  shall  build  a  church,  and 
hire  a  strict  orthodox  minister  of  the  most  ultra  sort  to 
preach.  If  that  won't  gain  me  a  pardon,  nothing  will.  The 
church  may  be  dedicated  to  the  conversion  of  criminals  who 
are  discharged  from  prisons  and  jails.  The  idea  is  capital. 
I  cannot  think  the  plan  up  in  a  minute,  but  it  shall  be 
drawn  on  the  popular  side,  and  as  sensational  as  theology 
will  admit." 

Here  was  Madame  Junk  floored  by  her  own  theory ! 

"Then,  Jane,  I  am  under  obligation  to  you  for  many 
things,  and  I  know  there  is  nothing  that  will  please  you  so 
much  as  a  church.  You  can  never  say  again  that  I  have 
done  nothing  for  mankind.  The  world  will  think  better  of 
Joel's  father."  The  man's  inordinate  vanity  crept  out  all 
through  this  talk.  He  saw  himself  a  piece  of  history. 
"  Janei  I  am  obliged  to  you  for  this  idea  on  the  reform 
question." 

He  had  scarcely  finished  this  sentence  before  the  jailer 
returned  and  told  them  the  hour  was  up.  Madame  Junk 
arose,  and  in  a  stately  way  bowed.  The  man  arose  also,  and 
bowed  his  head.  Looking  from  beneath  his  black  eyebrows 
he  waved  his  small  white  hand  and  said:  "Adieu,  Madame, 
adieu." 

His  polish  would  have  better  graced  a  drawing-room  than 
that  narrow  cell. 

Madame  Junk  was  not  without  her  vanity.  She  dearly 
loved  renown — but  if  she  gained  it,  it  must  be  on  the  strict 
road  of  principle.  If  we  analyze  her  thoughts  we  shall 
find  they  run  thus :  "Yes!  let  him  build  a  church;  I  shall 


164  MADAME    JANE    JUNK   AND   JOE. 

get  the  credit  of  it.  I  shall  be  looked  upon  as  the  indirect 
instrument  through  which  it  was  brought  about.  The  world 
shall  know  that  I  would  not  allow  Joel  to  have  his  money. 
"What!  A  man  building  a  church  wherein  to  worship  God, 
who  has  no  faith  in  the  existence  of  such  a  being  ?  I  will 

talk  with  Dr.  S about  this.  A  man  build  a  church  who 

don't  believe  in  God!  This  is  mockery,  and  will  not  our 

good  Dr.  S think  so?"  Such  were  Madame  Junk's 

thoughts  as  she  plodded  her  way  home. 

Miss  Busy  was  wont  to  term  her  class  of  juveniles  the 
prodigy  class.  In  this  we  somewhat  agree  with  her;  at 
least,  there  were  individuals  in  this  school  that  were  such 
great  prodigies,  that  had  their  capacity  been  divided  up  and 
spread  around,  it  would  have  made  the  whole  school  above 
par.  Among  the  number  was  Sternna.  What  a  wonderful 
genius  the  child  displayed  in  art!  George  Gregory  Glewer 
would  sit  by  her  side  in  the  most  profound  awe,  and  watch 
her  draw  figures,  cats,  dogs,  hens  and  roosters.  To  the 
three  G's,  Sternna  was  a  living  wonder.  If  he  was  stupid  in 
other  things,  he  was  fully  awake  to  her  ability.  To  Sternna, 
George  Gregory  Glewer  was  the  very  best  boy  she  ever  saw. 
He  was  always  good,  and  never  rude  like  other  boys. 

Kate  saw  the  growing  attachment  between  the  children, 
and  hoped  it  would  only  prove  a  childish  one. 

Tom  Glewer's  business  throve  apace,  and  the  knowing 
ones  said  he  would  be  a  rich  man.  He  is  not  poor  now, 
for  he  has  a  jewel  of  a  wife  and  a  promising  son;  but  what 
is  bad  about  it  is,  that  Tom  is  not  competent  to  appraise 
his  own  property,  and  understands  very  little  of  its  real 
value.  Tom  was  a  law-abiding  citizen,  and  Kate  was 
nature's  gifted  but  uncultured  woman.  There  seemed  a 
world  within  this  world  to  her,  as  her  mind  opened  to  the 
fact  that  there  is  a  world  of  research  after  hidden  meanings, 
and  that,  too,  within  the  scope  of  those  who  are  endowed 
by  nature  with  a  desire  to  seek  for  them  and  strength  to 
work  for  them.  Those  who  are  mentally  weak  do  not  require 


AN   AMBITIOUS    WOMAN.  165 

this  food;  those  who  are  strong,  and  have  tasted  it,  thirst 
for  it.  Life  is  incomplete;  there  is  something  they -want, 
but  cannot  define.  "We  have  said  that  it  was  within  the 
scope  of  all :  but  it  must  first  come  within  the  sight.  Once 
the  door  of  nature  swung  ajar  and  we  enter;  feasting  upon 
the  choice  things  of  God's  designing,  we  are  no  longer  con 
tent  with  a  dessert.  God  and  nature,  ever  harmonious  and 
true,  classify  the  children  of  earth  as  we  do  its  flowers. 
Men  have  learned  that  certain  flowers  require  a  particular 
soil,  and  God  knows,  and  we  know,  that  the  children  of 
earth  are  often  dwarfed  for  want  of  proper  room  to  grow  in. 

"Bless'd  are  those 

Whose  blood  and  judgment  are  so  well  commingled, 
That  they  are  not  a  pipe  for  fortune's  finger 
To  sound  what  stop  she  please. " 

Our  unlettered  Mrs.  Tom  Glewer  belonged  to  that  class 
referred  to  in  the  above  quotation.  Madame  Junk  was  the 
key  that  unlocked  the  door  of  nature's  great  repository  for 
Kate.  Through  Madame  Junk,  Kate  knew  Miss  Busy,  and 
through  Miss  Busy  Kate  was  introduced  to  our  best  authors, 
and  through  our  authors  a  mighty  canvas  was  stretched, 
upon  which  the  latent  pictures  of  Kate's  soul  were  drawn. 
She  was  surprised  at  its  immensity,  and  wondered  that  her 
imagination  could  have  slept  so  long.  She  was  alone  with 
her  new  friends,  who  spoke  to  her  from  antique  pages.  She 
knew  better  than  to  introduce  them  to  her  husband:  nature 
had  never  designed  him  for  such  society. 


CHAPTER  XXII. 

STUDYING  LAW— THE  ROBIN— CHRISTIAN  PRINCIPLES 
AND  NATURE'S  TRUTH. 

SENATOR  A.  G.  SMITH  had  passed  the  first  year  of 
his  second  term  in  Congress,  and,  notwithstanding  his 
lack  of  education,  had  made  some  startling  disclosures  in 
regard  to  several  things  pertaining  to  government  affairs 
which  had  won  for  him  a  name  through  the  land.  Madame 
Junk,  in  referring  to  him,  generally  termed  him  "  our  man." 
The  Senator  did  not  deem  it  expedient  to  remove  his  family 
to  "Washington,  as  he  feared  the  effect  of  the  climate  upon 
his  wife's  health;  so  it  was  that  Miss  Busy  still  taught  Carrie 
privately,  that  is,  with  the  children  of  the  "hightoned'' 
families.  Miss  Busy  had  never  violated  her  trust  by  bringing 
Carrie  and  Sternna  together. 

Sternna  was  the  child  of  charity,  and  Carrie  was  the 
daughter  of  the  man  of  millions.  The  young  girls  had  often 
met.  They  glanced  kindly  at  each  other,  but  waited  for 
Miss  Busy's  sanction  tp  speak.  Both  girls  were  too  natural 
to  realize  their  separate  social  stations.  Miss  Busy  loved 
Sternna  too  much  not  to  acknowledge  within  herself  the 
equality  of  the  girls'  talents.  If  nature  had  done  more  for 
the  one  than  the  other,  that  one  was  Sternna.  Painting  and 
drawing  were  her  ambition;  she  had  not  the  taste  for  the 
technicalities  of  common  book  learning.  Carrie  was  prac 
tical,  and  developed  at  a  wonderful  rate  in  composition;  she 
could  write  quite  a  nice  little  essay,  made  up  exclusively  of 
her  own  thoughts.  Once  she  wrote  three  verses  on  a  dead 
bird,  which  were  so  good  that  Miss  Busy  recommended  send- 


POETRY   AND    PAINTING.  1 67 

ing  them  to  her  father.  Miss  Busy  was  in  the  habit  of  talk 
ing1  with  Sternna  over  all  these  matters,  and  she  was  so  much 
pleased  with  this  poem  that  she  read  it  to  Sternna. 

The  girl's  large  eyes  began  to  dance. 

"  Oh,  where  is  the  bird,  Miss  Busy?" 

"  I  do  not  know;  I  presume  it  was  fancy." 

"  Will  you  ask  her?"  said  Sternna;  "  and  if  she  has  the 
bird  I  would  like  to  look  at  it." 

Miss  Busy  asked  Carrie  if  it  was  a  real  bird  she  had  written 
about. 

"Oh,  yes;  I  could  not  make  that  up." 

"Where  is  it?" 

"  I  buried  it  in  the  garden  yesterday." 

"  I  ask,"  said  Miss  Busy,  "  because  my  little  friend  wanted 
to  look  at  it." 

"  Does  she  ?     I  can  dig  it  up,  and  I  will." 

Next  day  Carrie  brought  the  bird  down,  done  up  in  a  piece 
of  paper  with  as  much  care  as  if  it  had  been  a  bit  of  her  own 
wedding-cake.  True,  its  feathers  were  somewhat  rumpled. 
Sternna  smoothed  the  breast  with  her  finger,  and  the  dark 
brown  and  yellow  feathers  were  soon  adjusted. 

"  What  are  you  going  to  do  ?"  asked  Miss  Busy. 

"  I  am  going  to  paint  it." 

"  Yes,  it  will  be  a  good  subject  for  your  next  sketch." 

Sternna  laid  it  on  a  cloth,  hung  it  up  in  this  light,  and 
turned  it  over  in  that.  Then  a  new  thought  seemed  to  flash 
over  her  mind.  She  brought  in  grape  leaves,  and  some 
boughs  from  a  laurel  tree,  made  a  bed  of  them,  placed  the 
bird  thereon,  and  began  to  work.  She  seemed  inspired  with 
a  new  zeal.  Miss  Busy  watched  with  wonder.  That  was 
the  first  day.  Miss  Busy  admitted  to  herself  that  she  could 
teach  Sternna  nothing  more  in  painting  and  drawing.  The 
pupil  had  advanced  beyond  her  teacher,  and  Miss  Busy 
found  herself  some  distance  in  the  rear. 

When  evening  came,  and  Miss  Busy  and  Sternna  were 
sitting  quietly  alone,  the  girl  spoke  out  abruptly: 


1 68  MADAME    JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

"  Miss  Busy,  can  I  do  what  I  please  with  this  sketch  ?" 

"  Yes,  my  dear.     "What  do  you  wish  to  do  with  it  ?" 

"  I  should  like  to  give  it  to  Carrie;  it  is  her  bird,  not 
mine.  Do  you  think  she  would  "be  pleased  to  have  it?" 

"  Yes,  my  dear;  any  one  would  be  pleased  to  have  it." 

Next  morning'  Sternna  was  up  with  the  birds.  She  had 
no  appetite  for  breakfast  when  Miss  Busy  called  her  to  drink 
a  cup  of  coffee;  she  was  intent  on  color.  This  shade  of 
brown  would  bring  out  that  shade  of  yellow.  The  young 
girl  artist  would  half  close  her  eyes,  throw  her  head  back, 
then  run  to  the  furthermost  end  of  the  room,  set  her  head 
to  one  side,  then  take  long  steps  with  head  bent  forward, 
touch  a  feather  with  her  brush,  look  again,  working  all  ob 
livious  to  the  outer  world. 

Miss  Busy  had  stood  in  the  door  watching  her  for  at  least 
twenty  minutes. 

"  Come,  Sternna;  don't  you  want  breakfast?" 

"Just  one  moment  more,"  replied  the  girl;  and  Miss 
Busy  left  her. 

Half  an  hour  passed,  and  Sternna  did  not  come.  Again 
Miss  Busy  repaired  to  the  studio,  and  found  the  girl  work 
ing  in  the  same  excited  way.  She  was  touching  the  green 
leaves  now. 

"  Come,  child,  are  you  not  going  to  have  breakfast  ?" 

"  Haven't  I  had  breakfast,  Miss  Busy  ?" 

"  You  had  breakfast  yesterday  morning,"  returned  the 
governess,  with  a  laugh. 

"  I  am  really  not  the  least  bit  hungry.  I  can't  eat  now; 
please  excuse  me." 

"  How  soon  will  you  have  this  bird  done  ?" 

"  I  don't  know.  When  I  think  I  have  it  most  done,  I 
find  something  more  to  do." 

"But,  my  child,  your  health  demands  that  you  should 
eat." 

"  I'm  not  hungry,  and  one  time  will  not  make  much  dif 
ference." 


MADAME   JUNK'S   TRAINING.  169 

We  will  leave  our  young  artist  and  look  after  our  young 
lawyer. 

Joel  was  comfortably  established  in  the  law  office  of 
David  Delight  Spludge,  Esq.,  for  a  salary  of  fifteen  dollars 
per  month  and  board.  Joel  would  have  much  preferred  to 
board  with  his  mother;  but  it  would  be  fifteen  dollars  with 
or  without  board,  so  he  concluded  he  would  take  the  board. 
This  would  enable  him  to  help  his  mother  and  clothe  him 
self.  Madame  Junk  always  suspected  it  was  a  sly  manoeu 
vre  on  the  part  of  the  Senator  to  have  Joel  board  with  Mr. 
Spludge  for  the  purpose  of  toning  him  up  in  little  observ 
ances,  a  sort  of  an  indirect  polisher  for  good  society. 
Madame  Junk  accepted  the  situation  without  a  murmur,  as 
being  for  the  boy's  best  good.  Then  she  argued  that  D.  D. 
Spludge  was  a  member  of  one  of  the  first  churches,  and, 
doubtless,  would  have  Joel  sit  in  their  pew.  Joel  would, 
consequently,  be  surrounded  by  a  religious  influence,  one  of 
the  most  essential  points  for  a  young  boy.  All  this  Mad 
ame  Junk  weighed  in  her  mind  and  was  satisfied. 

Joel  was  something  more  than  an  office  boy.  He  was 
never  called  upon  to  take  up  the  ashes,  or  sweep  out,  or 
blacken  Mr.  Spludge's  shoes,  although  he  expected  to  do 
so,  and  was  willing.  The  effect  of  Madame  Junk's  train 
ing  was  apparent  in  small  things.  She  had  ever  taught  Joel 
humility.  She  had  taught  him  that  all  honest  labor  was 
honorable,  and  his  spirit  took  the  position  within  himself, 
that  he  was  as  good  as  the  best,  as  long  as  he  behaved  him 
self  as  well.  Joel  reasoned  that  truth,  honesty  and  up 
right  principles  were  all  that  could  make  one  man  better 
than  another;  still  he  was  ever  ready  to  take  off  his  hat  to 
knowledge,  but  money  alone  could  not  budge  him  an  inch. 
Joel  had  been  in  the  employ  of  D.  D.  Spludge  three 
months,  and  he  did  not  know  him.  Joel  could  not  tell  if 
he  liked  this  man  or  not.  Mr.  Spludge  was  always  cool 
and  polite.  "Whenever  he  entered  his  own  house  there  was 
a  hushed  feeling  pervading  the  atmosphere  that  had  a  ten- 


I7O  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

dency  to  subdue  hilarity.  He  was  never  cross,  but  very 
"proper,"  and  made  every  one  else  so.  He  never  called 
Joel,  Junk;  lie  had  an  abomination  of  the  name,  and  fre 
quently  told  his  wife  that  he  did  wish  he  could  have  Joel's 
name  changed.  He  would  even  have  been  willing  to  give 
him  that  of  Spludge,  little  dreaming  there  were  those  who 
could  see  no  improvement,  provided  the  change  could  be 
made.  When  he  introduced  Joel,  as  he  sometimes  did,  he 
said,  "Mr.  or  Mrs.  So-and-so,  this  is  Joel/'  Mr.  Spludge 
never  excluded  Joel  from  any  society  which  visited  his 
house.  On  the  contrary,  he  seemed  anxious  that  Joel 
should  mingle  with  his  visitors.  Mr.  Spludge  dined  at  five 
o'clock,  in  proper  order,  without  varying  a  minute.  The 
time  which  usually  elapsed  between  dinner  and  the  hour 
for  Joel  to  go  to  Miss  Busy,  was  spent  in  reading. 

One  evening,  when  Mr.  Spludge  returned  to  the  drawing- 
room,  and  found  Joel  intently  poring  over  a  book,  he  asked: 

"  "What  are  you  reading,  Joel?" 

"The  Vicar  of  Wakefield,  Sir." 

"  Oh !    Do  you  know  how  far  the  sun  is  from  the  earth  ?  " 

"No,  Sir!" 

"Well,  before  you  read  fictitious  works,  you  had  better 
learn  that." 

Joel  closed  his  book,  and  waited  patiently  for  Mr.  Spludge 
to  tell  him  how  far  the  sun  was  from  the  earth;  but  that 
gentleman  kept  on  reading  the  evening  paper,  without  so 
much  as  looking  up .  Although  Joel  was  greatly  interested 
in  his  book,  he  did  not  open  it  again  that  evening.  On  the 
road  to  his  evening  lessons  with  Miss  Busy,  he  began  to 
think.  ' '  I'm  sure  that  is  a  book  out  of  his  own  library, 
and  his  daughter  reads  it,  and  she  gave  me  this  to  read. 
But  he  is  right;  it  is  best  to  know  how  far  the  sun  is  from 
the  earth.  I'll  find  that  out,  anyhow.  I  wonder  why  he 
didn't  tell  me  himself;  he  knows,  of  course.  I  wonder  if 
Lilian  knows;  I  will  ask  her  the  first  chance  I  get." 

We  should  have  mentioned  some  time  since,  that  Miss 


JOEL   VISITS   THE   JAIL.  IJl 

Sally  Busy  had  found  it  necessary,  with  her  increasing  pop 
ularity  and  patronage,  to  open  quite  an  extensive  estab 
lishment.  Joel  seldom  met  Carrie  now,  for  this  was  a  pri 
vate  boarding-school,  mostly  for  young  ladies.  There  were 
a  few  boys,  but  they  were  in  a  separate  institution.  Joel 
saw  Sternna  every  day;  for  he  recited  his  lessons  in  Miss 
Busy's  private  drawing-room,  and  there  was  usually  no  one 
present  but  Miss  Busy  and  Sternna.  Miss  Busy  had  come 
to  look  upon  these  two  waifs  almost  as  her  own.  She  was 
so  much  attached  to  them,  that  she  was  interested  in  every 
move  of  their  lives.  Dear  soul!  God  bless  you,  Miss  Busy, 
and  the  two  wrinkles  between  your  eyes,  for  your  kindness  to 
these  children !  Miss  Busy  explained  everything  so  clearly, 
that  Joel  seemed  to  learn  without  an  effort.  Miss  Busy 
took  unusual  pride  in  this  boy.  His  education  had  in  part 
been  intrusted  to  her  care,  and  she  would  fill  the  bill.  On 
his  road  home,  Joel  always  dropped  in  to  see  his  mother. 
This  evening,  he  found  her  looking  over  a  huge  package  of 
papers.  Among  them  he  saw  a  marriage  license.  After 
the  usual  "  How  do  you  do,  mother?"  and,  "  I  am  well, 
Joel;  how  is  it  with  you?"  had  been  exchanged,  he  sat 
down.  Madame  Junk  handed  him  this  license  without 
speaking.  Joel  took  it  in  the  same  silent  way,  read  it,  and 
handed  it  back  without  a  word. 

"  Will  you  be  very  busy  to-morrow,  Joel  ?" 

"I  don't  know;  why?  " 

"  Do  you  think  Mr.  Spludge  could  spare  you  for  two 
hours  ?  " 

"Why  certainly,  if  you  wish  it." 

Again  they  were  silent.  Joel  was  wondering  what  new 
notion  his  mother  had  in  her  head  now,  and  Madame  Junk 
was  wondering  how  she  should  open  the  subject. 

"  I  would  like  to  have  you  call  at  the  jail,  Joel?" 

Joel  frowned.     < '  What  f or  ?  " 

"To  see  that  man." 

"  I  don't  want  to  see  that  man." 


172  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"He  is  your  father,  Joel;  and  the  blessed  Bible  tells  us, 
c  Honor  thy  father  and  thy  mother,  that  thy  days  may  be 
long  in  the  land  which  the  Lord  thy  God  giveth  thee.' '' 

"I  don't  care  what  the  Bible  says;  he  is  not  my  father — 
he  is  a  thief !"  and  the  boy  jumped  to  his  feet.  ' (  He  is  not 
my  father,  and  I  will  not  call  him  so.  He  is  a  bad  man. 
"What  claim  has  he  on  me?  What  has  he  done  but  dis 
grace  me  ?  And  do  you  say  God  asks  me  to  honor  such  a 
man?  I  hate  him;  I  never  will  look  at  him.  He  is  a  liar! 
I  am  not  his  son;"  and  the  boy  stamped  and  raved  in  a 
manner  which  frightened  Madame  Junk.  "He  is  a  mean, 
sneaking  coward;  and  if  God  asks  me  to  honor  such  a  man, 
I  cannot  honor  God." 

"Joel!  Joel!  Joel!  Do  not  say  that  again.  Do  not,  I 
beg  of  you,  say  those  words  again.  Sit  down  by  me,  and 
be  quiet.  I  want  to  talk  with  you.  Your  father — 

"  Don't  call  him  my  father  again." 

"That  man  has  repented,  and  he  is  going  to  build  a 
church;  he  has  sought  God." 

"If  he  builds  a  church,  I  will  never  enter  one  again." 

"  Oh,  Joel!  Do  listen.  Dr.  S has  called  upon  him, 

and  he  has  accepted  the  sacrament,  and  is  to  be  henceforth 
a  good  man.  And,  Joel,  this  man  is  far  from  being  foolish. 
He  is  a  man  with  more  than  an  ordinary  amount  of  brains." 

"So  much  the  more  shame  for  him.  I  despise  him  for 
that  reason,  if  for  no  other.  A  fool  I  feel  sorry  for/' 

"  But,  Joel,  you  must  forgive  if  you  will  be  forgiven." 

"If  I  ever  do  as  he  has  done,  I  don't  want  to  be  for 
given.  He  repents  now  because  he  thinks  he  can  make 
something  by  it." 

"Joel,  '  judge  not,  lest  ye  be  judged.5" 

"Yes,  I  want  to  be  judged.  Let  every  one  live  to  be 
judged — not  go  sneaking  through  the  world,  doing  wrong 
when  he  knows  better.  And  you  say  this  man  is  smart! 
"Well,  if  he  isn't,  I  hope  the  law  will  make  him." 

"Joel,  he  wants  to  see  you  very  much,  and  ask  your  for 
giveness.  I  have  promised  him  that  you  will  call." 


SAD    MEMORIES.  173 

"  Well,  you  will  not  be  to  blame  if  you  do  not  keep  your 
word.  I  shall  not  call.  I  never  want  to  see  his  wicked- 
looking  face  again." 

"Joel!  Joel!  He  will  be  removed  to  States  Prison 
shortly,  and  must  remain  long  years.  Before  his  term 
expires  you  will  be  a  man.  You  will  prosper;  you  will  be 
happy,  and  he  will  be  unhappy." 

' '  How  shall  I  be  happy  ?  Has  he  not  made  the  world 
forever  look  upon  me  with  a  sneer  ?  Has  he  not  disgraced 
me  in  the  eyes  of  those  I  care  for  ?" 

"Joel,  you  are  mistaken.  The  world  should,  and  does, 
look  at  a  man's  worth,  not  his  origin.  It  rests  with  you  if 
you  make  the  world  honor  you." 

"He  has  not  even  given  me  a  name  of  my  own.  You 
have  taken  me  kindly  in,  and  given  me  yours." 

Madame  Junk's  head  dropped  on  her  breast,  and  great 
tears  were  falling  in  her  lap.  Her  heart  was  wrung.  When 
she  looked  up  she  said: 

"  I  know,  Joel,  it  is  a  poor,  humble  name,  but  it  never 
was  disgraced.  My  father's  family  were  all  respectable, 
and  descended  from  Oliver  Cromwell." 

In  a  moment  Joel  was  kneeling  at  Madame  Junk's  feet. 
He  took  her  hand. 

"  Forgive  me,  mother;  I  did  not  mean  to  hurt  you.  Your 
name  is  all  right,  but  it  is  not  mine,  you  know;  that  is  what 
I  meant." 

"  Joel,  this  conversation  calls  up  sad  memories.  My  son 
would  have  been  older  than  you  are,  Joel,  and  that  man 
was  his  father.  Our  Heavenly  Father  saw  fit  to  take  him 
home,  and  my  little  daughter,  too.  For  a  time,  Joel,  I  was 
alone  in  this  world — alone  in  more  senses  than  one.  Then 
that  man  sent  you  to  me,  and,  Joel,  I  have  loved  you  as  my 
own;  and  oh!  Joel,  you  could  not  be  more  dear  to  me  if 
I  were  your  real  mother;  and,  Joel,  I  have  ever  tried  to  do 
what  I  could.  It  has  been  but  little,  but  that  little  you  will 
remember  long  aftef  I  have  passed  away.  Joel,  I  have 


174  MADAME   JANE   JUNK    AND   JOE. 

ever  sought  to  teacli  you  correct  principles  and  the  truth, 
and  its  great  reward  will  yet  be  yours." 

"  Yes,  mother,  you  have  taught  me  what  it  was  to  do 
right.  I  respect  myself  and  I  respect  you,  mother,  and 
everybody  respects  you,"  said  the  boy,  soothingly.  He 
wanted  to  heal  the  wound  he  had  made.  "  Mother,  you 
have  never  told  me  anything  about  your  history,  or  my 
own,  or  Sternna's.  "Who  is  Sternna's  father?  and  mother? 
I  hope  her  father  and  mother  were  honest  people.  It  is  so 
much  harder  for  a  girl  to  have  such  things  flung  in  her  face 
than  a  boy." 

"  I  cannot  tell  you  all  to-night,  my  son;  but  Sternna  was, 
without  a  doubt,  respectably  born." 

"  I  am  glad,  and  hope  she  can  prove  it.  It  don't  make 
any  matter  if  they  were  poor,  as  long  as  they  were  not 
thieves,"  said  Joel,  emphasizing  the  word  thieves,  and 
speaking  with  a  bitterness  that  showed  how  wrought  up  he 
was.  His  lips  quivered,  his  eyes  flashed,  and  he  grew 
white  about  the  mouth. 

For  a  moment  there  was  silence,  and  when  it  was  broken 
it  was  by  Madame  Junk,  who  spoke  the  word  "  Joel,"  and 
then  paused.  "  If  you  are  so  anxious  to  have  an  honest 
father,  it  rests  with  you  to  have  one.  Because  your  father 
has  neglected  his  duty  toward  you,  is  that  any  reason  why 
you  should  neglect  yours  toward  him?  Be  a  man,  Joel. 
You  are  no  longer  a  child  in  your  feelings  and  impulses. 
Christ  our  Redeemer  liveth.  Teach  thy  father  the  true  way 
to  glorify  Him  by  thy  Christian  influence  and  thy  presence; 
lead  him  up  to  his  God;  encourage  him  in  this  good  work; 
wash  pure  and  white  his  sullied  name,  that,  dying,  he  may 
leave  it  to  you  untarnished." 

"  Mother,  that  is  all  very  well  as  far  as  God  goes.  This 
man's  blackness  may  be  washed  white  in  the  eyes  of  God; 
but  in  man's,  never." 

"  Do  you  hold  man  above  God,  Joel  ?" 

"  Why,  no;  but  while  we  live  in  thife  world  we  have  more 


THE    RIGHT   POSITION.  I  75 

to  do  with  men,  and  they  can  make  it  very  uncomfortable 
for  you,  for  you  know  they  can  twit  you  every  day  in  the 
week  about  your  origin,  and  God  can't  help  Himself;  and 
if  He  can,  He  don't.  You  know  that,  mother." 

"Joel,  admitting  what  you  say  to  be  true  in  part,  it  is 
impossible  for  men  to  withhold  all  their  approbation  where 
there  is  worth,  and  they  do  not,  Joel.  How  often  you  hear 
men  spoken  of  after  death  as  possessing  this  and  that 
quality." 

"  Well,  maybe  they  do,"  said  Joel;  "  but  if  there  is  any 
thing  I  hate,  it  is  approval  that  comes  grudgingly.  Ke- 
formed  criminals  wear  a  tarnished  name  forever  in  this 
world." 

"  Joel,  I  am  pleased  that  you  take  this  position  for  your 
self.  Hold  on  to  it  while  you  live;  it  is  a  safe  one  for  you; 
it  will  guard  you  from  those  shoals  that  other  lives  have 
been  wrecked  on;  but  while  you  have  planted  your  feet 
firmly  upon  the  upland,  you  would  not  refuse  to  stretch  out 
your  hand  to  a  drowning  criminal  who  is  being  borne  down 
by  the  weight  of  his  sins,  would  you?" 

"No." 

""Well,  that  is  the  position  you  have  taken.  You  are 
safe.  Have  mercy  on  those  who  are  not.  Lend  your  hand 
to  help  the  sinner  up." 

"  Yes,  mother,  that  is  all  very  well;  but  the  chances  are 
that  he  would  slide  back  again,  and  ask  you  to  stand  there 
all  your  life  to  help  him  up." 

"You  will  have  done  your  duty,  and  life  is  full  of  duty. 
Let  it  be  full  to  the  brim,  and  neither  God  nor  man  will 
require  more." 

"  I  must  go,  mother;  it  is  getting  late/' 

"Will  you  come  to-morrow?" 

"Are  you  to  go  with  me?" 

"If  you  wish." 

"Yes,  I  will  come,  and  go  alone.  I  might  say  something 
which  would  not  please  you.  Good  night,  mother/' 


176  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"Good  night,  my  son/* 

Joel  went  home  and  hastened  to  his  room.  Somehow 
he  could  not  swallow;  there  seemed  a  lump  in  his  throat. 
He  did  wish  that  he  was  independent.  It  must  be  nice  to 
be  free.  How  many  long  years  would  it  be  before  he  should 
take  his  place  among  men?  He  knew  one  thing:  he  would 
be  mighty  good  to  poor  boys.  He  thought  how  delicate 
and  kind  Senator  Smith  had  been  to  him;  he  wondered  if 
he  had  ever  been  poor.  Any  way,  Carrie  never  was,  and 
never  would  be;  her  father  would  give  her  a  lot  of  money, 
and  then  she  would  marry  some  great,  rich  man;  but  he 
must  not  think  about  that,  or  he  would  not  sleep  a  wink  to 
night.  He  would  think  how  he  could  be  a  great,  rich  man, 
and  not  trouble  himself  about  Carrie's  great,  rich  man. 


CHAPTEK    XXIII. 

SOCIAL  CASTE— THE  MYSTERIOUS  PACKAGE. 

CAKEIE  SMITH  wrote   her  father  every  week.     We 
shall  take  the  liberty  to  copy  one  of  her  letters  which 
was  written  some  time  after  Sternna  had  painted  the  robin. 

MY  DEAR  FATHER  : 

Good  morning !  Mother  and  I  were  so  much  pleased  with 
you  last  kind  letter.  But,  dear  papa,  I  am  going  to  scold 
you  like  everything  if  you  don't  write  me  about  what  you 
say  in  the  House.  I  don't  care  a  fly  what  other  members 
say,  I  want  to  hear  from  you.  But  I  guess  I  won't  scold 
much  this  time,  for  I  have  some  questions  I  want  to  ask 
you,  and  you  must  answer  them  in  your  very  next  letter. 

Dear  papa,  what  do  people  mean  when  they  talk  about 
social  caste?  You  know  the  verses  I  sent  you  about  poor 
Dick,  my  robin.  I  have  got  him  back  again.  He  don't 
breathe  quite,  but  he  is  alive. 

There  is  a  charity  girl  at  Miss  Busy's,  whom  they  call 
Sternna;  I  don't  know  her  other  name.  Well,  I  buried 
Dick,  and  after  I  wrote  those  verses  Miss  Busy  read  them, 
and  then  she  read  them  to  Sternna,  who  asked  Miss  Busy 
if  I  would  not  let  her  see  my  bird.  So  I  went  home  and 
disinterred  Dick,  and  brought  him  down  to  Miss  Busy,  and 
next  day  Sternna  painted  his  portrait. 

You  should  see  it,  papa.  It  is  a  great  wonder,  and  every 
body  said  so.  Every  feather  is  right,  and  just  exactly  the 
color.  Mother  thinks  it  is  nice,  but  hopes  Miss  Busy  will 
teach  me  the  importance^  of  social  caste.  I  must  tell  you 
about  this  girl.  She  is  very  quiet,  and  never  speaks  to  me, 
only  bows  in  such  a  respectful  way,  and  Miss  Busy  never 
lets  us  come  together.  I  wish  you  would  write  to  Miss 
Busy  and  ask  her  to  let  us  be  acquainted  with  each  other. 
She  is  real  handsome,  papa,  and  so  nice,  and  has  such  lady- 


1 78  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

like  ways,  and  Miss  Busy  loves  her  very  much,  and  so  do  I. 
She  is  the  only  girl  in  school  that  I  would  like  for  a  friend. 
Mother  says  you  would  not  like  it;  she  is  too  obscure.  But 
I  know  you  would  like  her.  You  like  everybody  I  like,  and 
I  love  everybody  you  like;  you  like  Joel,  and  so  do  I.  Joel 
is  still  at  Mr.  Spludge's;  I  saw  him  sitting  in  their  pew  last 
Sabbath.  Lilian  was  there,  too,  and  looked  so  proud  to 
have  such  a  handsome  boy  beside  her.  I  don't  like  Lilian 
much;  I  suppose  Joel  does,  though.  I  send  you  by  express 
Dick's  portrait.  I  know  you  don't  care  much  about  Dick, 
but  I  want  to  see  what  you  think  about  a  girl  that  can  bring 
a  dead  bird  to  life  again. 

Write  as  soon  as  you  receive  this.  With  much  love,  I  am 
your  loving  daughter, 

C  AERIE. 

The  Senator  was  always  pleased  to  receive  a  letter  from 
his  young  daughter.  After  reading  this  one  he  laughed 
outright.  "I  like  Joel,  and  so  does  she.  Well,  that  is  a 
grand  note.  Sternna?  Sternna?"  muttered  the  Senator  to 
himself;  "  where  have  I  heard  that  name ?  Ah  yes!  that  is 
the  little  girl  that  Madame  Junk  had  with  her  the  first  time 
that  lady  honored  me  with  a  visit.  She  was  a  perfect  little 
Cinderella."  Again  he  laughed  as  he  thought  how  the 
child  was  rigged  up.  "By  Jove!  Carrie  is  right.  As  a 
very  little  e  tod  '  she  had  a  wonderful  face.  I  thought  then 
she  would  develop  into  a  beauty;  not  beauty  of  face  alone, 
but  beauty  of  character.  Social  caste!  The  devil!  Give 
women  a  chance,  and  they  would  all  be  queens."  These 
were  the  Senator's  thoughts  as  he  re-read  his  daughter's 
letter.  He  picked  up  a  pen  and  wrote  the  following  letter 
in  reply: 

MY  DEAR  DAUGHTER:  Your  letter  has  just  arrived.  I  am 
pleased  with  the  tone  of  it.  I  will  write  Miss  Busy,  and 
ascertain  if  this  young  lady  is  a  suitable  companion  for  you. 
If  so,  you  shall  have  her  for  a  friend.  '  Social  caste/  my 
daughter,  almost  always  means  money;  and  not  so  often 
brains,  as  I  wish  it  did.  Social  caste,  with  your  father, 
means  a  good  person,  who  is  honest  in  principle,  and  am- 


SOCIAL   CASTE.  179 

bilious  for  knowledge;  one  who  endeavors  to  do  right  in 
all  things.  But  my  ideas  of  social  caste  are  not  the  world's 
ideas  by  a  great  ways.  Generally  speaking,  it  means  wealth, 
and  a  little  respectability.  Once  in  a  while  a  person  of 
great  intellectual  capacity  may  overcome  the  want  of  money 
by  talent,  and  thereby  gain  caste.  When  I  receive  the  bird, 
dead  or  alive,  I  will  send  you  my  opinion  of  it.  Have  you 
any  taste  for  painting  or  drawing?  If  so,  take  lessons. 
Love  to  mother.  "Will  write  her  to-morrow. 
Your  affectionate  father, 

AMOS  SMITH. 

Joel  arose  next  morning,  depressed  in  spirits.  This 
much-dreaded  call  weighed  upon  his  mind.  In  the  course 
of  an  hour  Joel  set  out  for  his  mother's  room.  He  found 
that  lady  anxiously  awaiting  him. 

Sl  I  was  afraid,  Joel,  that  you  were  not  coming." 

"Didn't  I  tell  you  I  would  come?  Now  then,  what  is  to 
be  done?  What  is  it  you  wish  me  to  say  to  this  man?" 

"  Joel,  be  kind  and  considerate;  'for  as  ye  measure  unto 
others,  it  shall  be  measured  back  to  you  again.'  " 

"Very  good.  If  I  measure  back  to  him  what  he  has 
measured  unto  me,  I  shan't  have  much  to  measure." 

"Encourage  him  in  his  new-found  religion;  also  in 
building  the  church." 

Joel's  hand  was  on  the  door.  He  had  said  good-by, 
when  Madame  Junk  caught  him  by  the  arm  and  held  him 
like  a  vise.  She  bent  her  tall  form  down,  and  looked  with 
deep  scrutiny  into  the  boy's  eyes. 

"Joel,  if  this  man  offers  you  money,  refuse  it  as  you 
would  so  much  deadly  poison  whose  very  touch  is  instant 
death.  Will  you  promise  me  this?" 

"You  need  not  ask  me  to  make  such  a  promise.  If  I 
knew  I  should  die  before  night  for  the  want  of  one  mouth 
ful  of  bread,  I  would  not  accept  one  dime  from  that  thief." 

"Good,  my  boy!"  and^Iadame  Junk  patted  him  on  the 
shoulder;  "I  can  trust  you." 

As  Joel  was  passing  down  the  steps,  he  muttered  some- 


I  SO  MADAME   JANE   JUNK    AND   JOE. 

thing  about,  "This  poison  may  do  to  build  a  church  with, 
but  it  can't  build  me." 

We  hope  our  readers  will  not  think  Joel  irreverent  for 
wondering,  as  he  walked  along  to  the  jail,  how  God  could 
accept  such  a  peace-offering.  Joel  must  be  pardoned  if  he 
doubted  that  God  had  come  down  to  deal  in  real  estate. 
The  nearer  Joel  came  to  the  jail,  the  more  embarrassed  he 
felt.  Whom  should  he  call  for  ?  ' '  That  thief  ?"  or  "  That 
gentleman  forger?"  as  he  was  called  in  and  about  the 
jail.  Wouldn't  the  jailer  grin  at  him,  now  that  he  knew 
that  this  man  was  his  father  ?  -And  then  he  thought,  "I 
have  done  nothing  to  be  ashamed  of;  I  will  hold  up  my 
head  and  act  so." 

Joel  arrived  at  the  jail,  and  told  the  jailer  he  wanted  to 
see  the  man  who  was  up  for  forgery. 

"  Why  don't  you  say  you  want  to  see  your  father/'  said 
the  jailer,  with  a  horrible  grin  of  satisfaction. 

"Well,  I  want  to  see  my  father,"  said  the  boy  defiantly, 
"  if  that  will  suit  you  better." 

As  the  jailer  led  the  way  down  the  corridor,  he  said: 

"  That  father  of  your'n  is  a  great  rascal." 

"  Yes,"  said  Joel.  "  Still  a  dishonest  man  may  become 
honest;  but  a  fool  can  never  become  a  wise  man." 

The  jailer  was  not  so  much  of  a  fool  as  not  to  understand 
the  allusion,  and  watch  for  a  chance  to  pay  it  back.  He 
unlocked  the  cell  door,  and  announced, 

"  Your  son,  Sir;  Joe  Junk." 

Joel  was  paid  fourfold  for  his  wise  men  and  fools.  Jle 
stepped  into  the  cell.  The  jailer  locked  the  door,  and  stood 
looking  through  the  bars,  trying  to  catch  Joel's  eye;  but 
Joel  did  not  look  around.  Mr.  Burns,  as  we  shall  still  con 
tinue  to  call  him,  arose,  laid  the  palm  of  his  right  hand  in 
the  palm  of  his  left,  stepped  up  to  the  grate,  smiling  gra 
ciously,  showing  his  beautiful  •wfrite  teeth,  and,  making  a 
dimple  in  his  cheek,  said: 

"  If  you  please,  we  should  like  this  interview  strictly  pri- 


THE    COMFORTS    OF    LIFE.  l8l 

vate."  As  he  said  this  he  winked  with  one  eye.  t(  You 
know  I  am  good  for  a  little  time." 

It  seemed  to  be  a  language  the  jailer  understood,  for  he 
walked  away,  saying, 

"  As  long  as  you  wish,  Sir." 

Then  this  man  turned,  and  began  playing  his  new  role. 
He  drew  his  face  down  to  a  dignified  expression,  and  held 
out  his  hand  to  Joel,  a  move  which  Joel  pretended  not  to 
see. 

"  I  am  glad  to  see  you,  my  son." 

At  the  word  son,  Joel  gave  a  little  start,  which  the  man 
pretended  not  to  see,  but  went  on  talking  with  all  the  ease 
and  affability  of  a  gentleman  entertaining  a  guest.  He 
looked  the  boy  over,  and  there  was  something  of  pride  in 
his  face. 

"  What  pursuit  are  you  engaged  in,  Joel  ?" 

Joel  told  him  how  he  was  employed. 

' '  Is  Mr.  Spludge  kind  to  you  ?" 

"  He  is  just  and  honest  with  me,  Sir." 

"  Do  you  have  all  you  need  to  make  you  comfortable  ?" 

"  I  have  all  the  comfort  I  earn,  Sir,  and  that  is  all  any 
one  has  a  right  to." 

"  I  am  not  a  poor  man,  Joel,  and  it  is  only  fair  that  you 
should  have  the  comforts  of  life." 

Joel's  face  reddened,  his  teeth  set  together,  and  when  he 
opened  his  mouth  he  was  only  able  to  articulate, 

"  Don't  want  it."  He  wanted  to  shed  tears,  but  would  not. 
He  struggled  a  moment  to  master  his  feelings,  and  then  said, 

"  Anything  you  would  give  me  to  make  me  more  comfort 
able  would  only  make  me  more  uncomfortable.  I  don't 
want  you  to  care  for  me,  Sir;  I  don't  care  for  you." 

"  Joel,  would  3rou  deprive  me  of  all  I  have  on  earth  to 
care  for?" 

"  You  can  care  for  your  money,"  said  the  boy.  "  That 
has  always  been  more  to  you  than  anything  else,  and  I  can 
prove  it." 


1 82  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

"  But  now  I  have  it,  I  don't  want  it.  I  have  no  use  for 
it.  I  am  no  longer  young,  and  I  must  serve  long  years  in 
prison.  I  shall  likely  die  there,  and  would  like  to  do  what 
I  can  to  repair  the  wrong  I  have  done  to  you." 

"I  thought  you  were  going  to  build  a  church,  and  redeem 
your  soul." 

The  man  smiled  a  little  smile. 

"Yes,  I  am  going  to  build  a  church.  Do  you  think  I 
have  only  enough  to  build  a  church  ?" 

"  I  don't  care  how  much  you  have;  I  will  never  touch  one 
dollar  of  it.  If  I  ever  have  money,  it  must  come  honestly." 

"  Do  you  think  all  the  money  I  have  came  dishonestly?" 

"I  don't  know.  Your  life  has  been  a  dishonest  one," 
said  Joel,  openly. 

"  Will  you  take  my  name,  or  do  you  prefer  to  keep  the 
one  of  Junk  ?" 

"Junk!"  and  the  boy  snapped  out  the  word  "Junk" 
before  the  man  had  finished  the  question. 

"  Junk  is  a  very  common  sounding  name;  not  nearly  so 
good  as  mine.  Still,  if  you  wish  to  retain  it,  I  shall  not 
object." 

"  What  name  did  you  expect  I  should  have  when  you 
sent  me  away  ?" 

"I  did  not  think  much  about  it.  I  only  thought,  when 
you  came  to  your  vast  inheritance,  you  would  be  willing  to 
have  your  father's  name  ?" 

"  I  haven't  any  father  or  any  inheritance  either.  If  I 
ever  earn  a  name,  all  the  honor  shall  be  given  to  the  name 
of  Junk." 

The  man's  face  twitched  with  angry  emotion. 

"Yes,  the  Junks  were  always  a  very  proper  sort  of  peo 
ple,  and  claim  to  descend  from  Oliver  Cromwell,"  said  the 
man,  with  a  sneer. 

Joel  was  so  irritated  he  wished  that  he  had  the  strength 
of  a  Samson,  and  that  the  man  did  not  claim  any  of  his 
blood;  he  would  shake  him  as  a  cat  does  a  mouse.  It  was 


ALL   THE    HONOR   TO   JUNK.  183 

the  first  time  in  Joel's  life  when  lie  felt  that  he  should  really 
enjoy  giving  a  person  a  first-class  thrashing.  There  was 
something  about  this  man  so  diabolically  fascinating.  His 
charming  manners  seemed  to  set  off  to  good  advantage  his 
dishonest  course  of  life.  Such  was  this  man's  power  over 
those  he  came  in  contact  with,  that  he  would  almost  make 
them  think  that  a  thief  is  not  such  a  bad  man  after  all.  He 
was  a  man  who  could  make  a  certain  class  feel,  ""Well,  if 
this  man  is  a  freebooter,  I  would  not  mind  being  one  my 
self." 

But  his  elegant  form  and  dash  of  address  had  no  such 
effect  upon  Joel.  Instinctively,  Joel  hated  him. 

"Joel,  I  have  a  package  of  papers  I  should  like  to  in 
trust  to  your  keeping." 

* '  Why  not  give  them  to  mother  ?  She  would  be  likely  to 
take  better  care  of  them  than  I  should." 

"  I  shall  give  them  to  no  one's  care  but  yours." 

"  What  is  in  this  package  ?  " 

"Nothing  but  papers,  which  I  do  not  wish  opened  until 
after  my  death." 

"  Suppose  I  should  die  first  ?  " 

"  You  are  not  likely  to  die  first/'  said  the  man,  placing 
his  hand  on  his  heart.  "  Should  you  hear  of  my  sudden 
taking-off,  go  before  a  magistrate,  and  in  the  presence  of 
witnesses  have  the  package  opened.  It  has  something  to 
do  with  some  one  else,"  said  the  man,  evading  Joel's  allu 
sions.  "  Boy,  if  you  and  I  never  meet  again  in  this  world 
(and  I  don't  think  we  shall  be  likely  to  in  the  next),  remem 
ber  one  thing:  although  I  wronged  you  as  an  infant,  I  would 
have  righted  you  as  a  youth.  The  time  will  come,  Joel, 
when  you  will  remember  the  words  I  am  speaking  to  you. 
I  would  have  given  you  a  good  part  of  my  fortune,  and  in 
some  degree  repaired  the  wrong  I  have  done  you.  I  would 
have  given  it  to  you  now,  to  make  you  comfortable,  but  you 
have  rejected  it.  You  will  wait  years  before  the  wheel  of 
fortune  will  take  you  round  to  your  place.  But,  remember 
me,  you  will  find  it." 


184  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

All  this  talk  was  mysterious  to  Joel.  He  could  not  catch 
the  least  thing  from  which  he  could  draw  a  conclusion. 

"  The  time  will  come,  boy,  when  you  can  show  the  record 
of  your  ancestors,  and  you  will  have  no  cause  to  blush  for 
them.  I  will  not  ask  you  to  forgive  me;  I  know  you  would 
refuse/' 

Joel  began  to  feel  small.  A  consciousness  was  stealing 
over  him  that  he  was  not  acting  altogether  right.  His  out 
spoken  nature  gave  vent  to  itself  in  these  words : 

"  Yes,  I  can  forgive  you,  if  you  will  not  ask  me  to  call  you 
father.  I  have  a  feeling  that  it  is  right  to  forgive  you,  but  a 
feeling  that  will  not  let  me  call  you  father.  The  more  I  see 
you,  the  more  I  look  into  your  heart,  and  the  more  I  feel  you 
are  not  my  father.  No  man  like  you  could  be  my  father/' 

The  man's  eyes  flashed  fire. 

"  Boy,  for  cool  impudence,  you  will  out-general  any  one 
I  ever  saw.  Do  you  think  yourself  so  greatly  my  superior  ?" 

"Yes,  indeed,  I  do,  Sir,  as  far  as  truth  and  honesty  go, 
but  not  in  smartness." 

"  Ah,  yes!  a  lump  of  sugar  after  a  bitter  pill.  So  you 
will  forgive  me  for  everything,  except  being  your  father  ? 
Ha!  ha!  ha!"  and  the  man  laughed  so  heartily  that  he  was 
obliged  to  place  his  hand  on  his  heart.  Turn  about  is  fair 
play,  and  I  will  forgive  you  for  everything  but  disowning 
me  as  a  father.  Forgive  me,  Joel,  and  we  will  throw  the 
father  out  and  call  it  square." 

Again  he  held  out  his  hand,  which  Joel  took  this  time. 
The  man  left  something  in  Joel's  palm,  which  the  boy 
dropped  as  if  it  burnt  him.  It  fell  with  a  ring  upon  the 
cell  floor.  It  was  a  bright,  new  piece  of  gold.  Neither  one 
picked  it  up. 

' '  Will  you  keep  the  package  for  me  ?  And  if  I  should 
send  you  word  to  open  it  before  my  death,  you  can  do  so." 

Joel  thought  a  moment,  and  fixing  his  eyes  searchingly 
upon  the  man,  said: 

"  Can  you  give  me  your  word  that  there  is  nothing  in  this 
package  which  will  make  me  under  obligation  to  you  ?  " 


THEY   ARE    SWORN.  185 

"There  is  no  obligation  in  the  matter,  except  that  you 
take  care  of  the  package." 

"  Hold  up  your  right  hand,"  said  Joel,  in  a  very  judge- 
like  way.  The  man  smiled,  but  held  up  his  hand. 

"  Is  there  anything  in  the  package  which  will  make  me 
under  obligation  ?  " 

"Nothing." 

' '  Does  it  prove  that  you  are  my  father  ?  " 

"No!" 

"Is  there  anything  in  it  that  I  shall  feel  ashamed  of?  " 

"No!" 

"  "What  I  have  sworn  to  is  the  whole  truth,  and  nothing 
but  the  truth,  so  help  me  God." 

The  man  repeated  this  sentence  after  Joel.  This  was 
Joel's  first  practice  in  law. 

"  Now,  Joel,  you  have  sworn  me,  and,  bad  as  you  think 
me,  I  would  not  take  a  false  oath.  Now,  I  must  swear  you." 

"  But  I  am  not  afraid  to  be  sworn,"  said  Joel. 

"  Hold  up  your  right  hand.  Do  you  swear  not  to  open 
this  package  until  I  send  you  word  to  do  so,  or  until  after 
my  death?" 

"I  do." 

"  Do  you  swear  to  keep  this  package  a  secret  until  then  ?" 

"  No! "  and  Joel  dropped  his  hand. 

"Why  not?" 

"Because  I  don't  like  secrets— they  get  people  into 
trouble.  I  don't  like  to  have  anything  about  me  that  I  must 
feel  afraid  of." 

"  But  do  you  think  it  best  to  tell  all  you  know  to  every 
one  you  meet?" 

"No!  I  should  not  do  that." 

"  Whom  would  you  talk  to  about  it?  " 

"  I  might  speak  to  mother  about  it." 

"  No  one  else?" 

"  I  think  not,  but  I  won't  promise." 

"Well,  that  will  do.     Now,  as  we  are  both  sworn,"  said 


1 86  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

the  man  with  a  laugh,  "  we  will  say  good-by."  He  gave  a 
whistle,  the  turnkey  came  and  unlocked  the  door.  Joel 
bowed  and  said, 

1  'Good  day,  Sir." 

He  walked  behind  the  jailer  down  the  corridor,  and  when 
out  of  hearing  from  the  inmate  of  the  cell,  the  jailer  turned 
to  the  boy,  with  a  malicious  grin, 

"  Quite  a  lengthy  chat  with  yer  dad." 


CHAPTER  XXIV. 

THE    YOUNG    PUGILIST. 

EOKGE  was  not  long  in  earning  the  name  of  the 
Three-G-  dummy.  He  could  not  be  provoked  into 
a  fight.  When  he  complained  to  his  mother,  which  he  did 
every  day,  she  never  doubted  he  was  persecuted.  At  last 
Kate  became  exasperated  by  these  daily  whinings,  and  one 
day  she  said: 

"  George,  you  are  a  coward.  The  next  time  a  boy  pulls 
your  nose,  knock  him  down  if  you  can.  Fly  at  him  with 
your  fists,  slap  his  face,  pull  his  hair,  kick  him,  pull  his 
nose,  and  give  him  a  good  whipping.  Make  him  black  and 
blue  for  a  week;  but  mind,  don't  you  touch  any  one  until 
they  begin  at  you,  and  then  give  it  to  them  good.  Will 
you  do  it?" 

"  My  teacher  says  we  must  not  fight." 

"  I  don't  care  what  your  teacher  says.  You  must  fight 
when  you  are  provoked  to  it,  or  you  will  be  imposed  upon 
as  long  as  you  live.  Do  you  hear  me?" 

"Yes." 

"  Will  you  mind  me?  Don't  come  to  me  with  any  more 
complaints  about  the  boys  pulling  your  nose.  To  be  sure 
they  will  pull  your  nose  if  you  will  allow  them  to  do  it." 
And  Kate  went  about  her  work,  muttering  to  herself:  "I 
wish  to  heavens  I  could  get  that  boy's  blood  warmed  up; 
he  is  a  perfect  snail;  he  will  lie  down  and  let  everybody 
step  on  him.  If  I  was  a  boy  I  would  not  take  such  things." 

Such  were  George's  first  lessons  in  self-defense.  Mrs. 
Glewer  did  not  wait  long  for  the  result  of  her  teachings. 


1 88  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

The  very  next  afternoon,  as  George  was  on  his  way  to  school, 
the  bully  of  the  school  overtook  George,  and  shouted  after 
him: 

"Well!  Three-G  dummy,  how's  your  nose?  I  guess  I 
will  pull  it  a  bit — it  looks  too  short." 

The  boy  reached  out  his  thumb  and  forefinger,  and  just 
as  he  was  about  to  give  it  a  pull,  George  took  from  his 
pocket  a  round  cobble-stone,  and  hit  the  boy  a  blow  that 
laid  him  sprawling.  This  boy  was  at  least  three  years  older 
and  three  years  larger  than  George.  Much  quicker  than  it 
takes  to  write  it,  George  was  kneeling  upon  his  breast, 
slapping  his  face,  first  one  side  and  then  the  other.  He 
took  hold  of  his  nose,  and  if  it  did  not  grow  at  least  an 
inch,  it  was  no  fault  of  George's.  George  doubled  his  fist 
and  struck  him  between  the  eyes.  Remembering  what  his 
mother  said  about  hair,  he  pulled  out  a  handful,  and  slap 
ped  his  face  again  and  again.  Some  of  the  boys  were  for 
pulling  George  off,  while  others  shouted: 

"  No,  no!  fair  play.  I'm  glad  he  has  got  licked.  Who'd 
a  thought  it,  that  the  Three-G  dummy  had  so  much  pluck. 
I'm  glad.  Bully  has  been  at  him  long  enough." 

George  thought  the  black  and  blue  spots  should  come 
out  right  away,  and  would  have  pummeled  until  this  time, 
but  his  nose  began  to  bleed,  and  blood  frightened  him.  He 
got  up  and  finished  the  job  by  giving  Bully  two  or  three 
good  kicks.  Now  George  could  not  have  done  this  if  the 
boy  had  not  been  stunned  by  the  cobble-stone.  When  he 
came  to  himself,  after  the  boys  had  helped  him  to  his  feet, 
the  blood  was  running  from  his  nose  and  mouth.  He 
looked  around  with  astonishment. 

"  Well!  if  that  don't  beat  anything!" 

"  It  beat  you,"  said  one  of  the  boys,  with  a  laugh. 

"  I'll  give  it  to  him  yet,"  said  Bully. 

"  You  had  better  let  the  job  out,"  said  another;  "you 
can't  tell  how  far  a  cat  can  jump.  You've  been  picking  on 
him  for  six  months,  and  he  has  paid  you  all  up  in  one  day. 
He  has  polished  you  off  right  handsome." 


THE    FIGHT.  189 

"  I'll  have  my  father  see  to  him/'  said  the  boy,  blubber 
ing. 

"  I  guess  you'll  have  to;  you  can't  do  it  yourself.  If  I 
got  such  a  thundering  thrashing  from  a  little  boy,  I  wouldn't 
go  blabbing  and  tell  my  folks." 

Next  evening  Tom  and  Kate  were  startled  by  a  rap  at  the 
door  which  came  with  such  emphasis  that  there  was  no 
doubt  but  what  it  meant  business.     Tom  opened  the  door, 
and  a  blear-eyed  man  asked  if  Tom  Glewer  lived  there. 
"  I  am  he,  Sir.     What  do  you  wish?" 
"You  have  a  son?" 
-Yes,  Sir." 

"  Well,  you  will  have  to  pay  five  hundred  dollars  dam 
ages,  or  he  shall  be  locked  up." 
"  Damages  for  what? 
"  For  whipping  my  son  almost  to  death." 
Tom  opened  his  mouth.     "For  whipping  your  son,  Sir? 
"Why,  George  is  not  a  fighter.     There  is  a  mistake  some 
where.     George  Gregory  Glewer,  come  here!     Have  you 
been  whipping  this  gentleman's  son?" 

"  I — I  whipped  a  boy  to-day,"  said  George,  whimpering; 
"  but  he  has  been  pulling  my  nose  every  day." 

"  Mr.  Glewer,  I  wish  you  would  step  over  and  see  what 
condition  my  boy  is  in." 

"  I  will;  and  if  he  is  a  smaller  boy  than  mine,  George 
shall  be  punished.  I'll  not  allow  a  boy  of  mine  to  touch 
one  smaller  than  himself." 

Tom  took  his  hat  and  walked  away  with  the  man.  He 
found  a  boy  enough  larger  than  George  to  have  eaten  him 
up.  Both  eyes  were  swelled  shut,  and  there  was  a  strong 
smell  of  camphor  in  the  room. 

"  There  must  be  some  mistake,  Sir;  my  boy  could  never 

have  done  this.    Why,  your  son  is  twice  the  size  of  George." 

"  That  is  what  I  thought  when  I  looked  at  the  boy,"  said 

the  man,  feeling  a  little  ashamed  that  his  big  boy  could  be 

whipped  by  such  a  little  one.     "It  is  the  first  time  John 


1 9O  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE 

was  ever  whipped.  "Why,  heavens  and  earth!  f  thought  to 
see  a  young  man  grown.  If  John  has  been  whipped  by 
such  a  small  boy,  he  deserves  it.  Yes,  I  think  there  is  some 
mistake." 

Tom  went  home,  thinking  some  one  had  given  this  boy  a 
good  trimming  down,  and,  as  a  joke,  had  given  George  the 
credit  of  the  job — a  job  which  Tom  looked  upon  as  first- 
class  in  all  its  appointments.  Tom  resolved  to  question 
George.  While  he  had  been  absent  Kate  had  done  so,  and 
found  out  all  the  particulars,  and  before  Tom  returned  had 
sent  the  boy  to  bed.  She  repeated  to  Tom  every  word  that 
George  had  told  her,  omitting,  however,  that  she  herself 
had  been  the  instigator  of  this  fight.  Not  that  she  wished 
to  deceive  Tom,  but  to  give  him  that  full  delight  she  knew 
he  would  feel  in  thinking  George  had  pluck  in  him  after 
all. 

"Why,  Kate,  I  would  not  have  believed  it.  You  never 
saw  a  fellow  so  completely  bunged  up  in  your  life,  and  he  is 
twice  as  large  as  George." 

"  I  can't  help  it,"  said  Kate;  "  George  did  the  business, 
and  did  it  alone,  too." 

Tom  roared  and  laughed  until  he  could  be  heard  half  a 
block. 

"That's  capital!  That's  worth  a  hundred  dollars.  I 
guess  George  is  not  so  nailk-and- water  after  all." 

Then  Kate  related  how  this  boy  had  harassed  George 
ever  since  he  had  been  in  school.  Then  Tom  would  shout: 

"Good!  good!  The  best  thing  out.  Eeally,  I  must  go 
over  and  look  at  that  chap  again;  it's  a  good  show;  worth  a 
quarter  of  a  dollar  of  any  man's  money." 

Then  Tom  would  laugh  again.  Several  times  through  the 
night  Kate  was  awakened  by  Tom  laughing  out  in  his  sleep. 
Next  morning,  whenever  George's  back  was  turned,  Tom 
would  look  after  him  with  a  smile  of  satisfaction.  Tom 
discovered,  or  thought  he  did,  latent  force  of  character  that 
he  never  thought  the  boy  possessed. 


LATENT   FORCE    OF    CHARACTER. 

"Kate,  don't  George  need  a  new  Sunday  suit?" 

"  Yes;  the  one  lie  has  is  getting  rather  shabby." 

"Look  after  his  books,  Kate,  and  if  he  is  in  want  of  any 
thing  let  me  know.  I  intend  now,  that  George  shall  go  to 
college.  Wait,  George,  I  am  going  down  to  the  shop,  and 
I  will  walk  as  far  as  school  with  you." 

It  was  the  first  time  Tom  had  ever  done  such  a  thing,  but 
he  felt  inflated  over  that  boy.  As  they  were  walking  along 
they  passed  some  of  the  boys.  If  Tom  had  any  doubts  be 
fore  in  regard  to  George's  achievement  they  were  all  dis 
pelled  in  this  short  walk. 

"That's  his  father,"  whispered  one  boy;  "he  don't  look 
like  he'd  let  any  one  pull  his  nose." 

"My  eyes!  didn't  the  Three-G  dummy  give  it  to  him, 
though.  Bully  won't  tackle  him  again.  He  went  at  it  like 
he'd  fit  a  hundred  years.  He's  a  strong  'un,  if  he  is  little." 

Such  were  the  expressions  Tom  heard  in  this  walk.  If 
any  one  wished  to  purchase  anything  in  the  hardware  line, 
that  day  would  have  been  a  good  day,  for  Tom  would  have 
sold  any  of  his  wares  twenty  per  cent,  cheaper,  so  pleased 
was  he  with  his  adopted  son's  first  fight. 


CHAPTER   XXV. 

THE  INVITATION— THE  LOCKET. 

IT  lias  been  some  time  since  we  visited  the  Blowers.  If 
we  have  any  good  feeling  or  charity  about  us  we  must 
call  when  our  friends  are  ill.  Samuel  Blower  is  ill,  and  if 
he  don't  make  Betsy  step  around,  no  one  ever  did  step.  He 
has  every  cup  and  every  spoon  in  the  house  in  use.  Betsy 
is  flying  from  kitchen  to  bedroom  with  bags  of  hops,  red 
pepper,  mustard  and  other  things  calculated  to  warm  Sam 
uel.  Madame  Junk  appeared  upon  the  scene,  and  pre 
scribed  her  ever-powerful  remedy  of  red  pepper.  In  their 
great  haste  to  do  something  to  relieve  the  sufferer,  there 
was  some  pepper  scattered  on  the  carpet,  which  sent  Betsy 
and  Jane  into  such  a  fit  of  coughing  that  they  were  not 
likely  to  catch  their  breath  again.  Madame  Junk  said 
coughing  would  do  them  good.  It  would  set  their  blood  in 
motion.  Samuel  was  able  to  walk  up  and  down  the  room. 
He  had  on  Betsy's  shawl,  a  dressing-gown,  and  a  pair  of 
heavy  woolen  blankets.  The  only  part  of  the  man  which 
was  visible  was  his  feet  and  the  crown  of  his  head,  and  you 
could  scarcely  believe  there  was  a  human  soul  in  that  huge 
roll,  save  by  his  moans.  There  was  more  danger  of  Samuel's 
rheumatism  killing  Betsy  than  himself;  indeed,  it  had  more 
direct  bearing  upon  her  than  him.  As  we  are  not  a  D.  D., 
or  an  M.D.,  we  will  leave  him  in  the  hands  of  Madame 
Junk,  who  is  something  of  both. 

Joel's  path  was  not  filled  with  roses,  neither  was  it  full  of 
thorns.     He  never  felt  at  home  with  Mr.  Spludge,  or  any 


SHE  LED  HIM  UP  THE  STEEPS.       193 

one  of  the  family.  They  were  always  proper  and  polite 
with  him;  but  politeness  and  propriety  become  a  drug  in 
the  market  when  we  feel  there  is  no  heart  in  it.  Mr. 
Spludge  did  everything  possible  to  advance  Joel  in  his  pro 
fession.  Lilian  was  kind  and  social  when  they  chanced  to 
be  left  alone,  which  was  rarely.  The  only  respite  Joel  had 
from  his  humdrum  life,  was  his  evening  lessons  with  Miss 
Busy  and  Sternna.  Here  he  seemed  to  breathe  freely. 
Sternna  and  Carrie  were  now  warm  friends.  The  Senator 
had  written  to  Miss  Busy,  and  found  her  protegee  to  be  a 
most  worthy  young  miss,  but  of  obscure  birth. 

Miss  Busy  was  by  degrees  unfolding  to  Joel's  mind  the 
beauties  of  classic  literature.  She  told  him  that  in  his  pro 
fession  it  was  necessary  he  should  understand  the  beauty  of 
figurative  rendition.  It  was  only  those  who  were  endowed 
with  great  talent  that  sought  after  hidden  meanings.  Step 
by  step  she  led  him  up  the  steeps,  pointing  out  and  ex 
plaining  this  and  that  author's  thought.  When  another 
year  had  come  and  gone,  Joel  could  have  safely  taken  his 
seat  with  the  alumni  of  any  college.  She  made  him  love 
Latin  and  old  Greek.  She  made  him  oblivious  to  all  things 
but  his  high  aim  for  future  fame. 

One  morning,  as  Joel  was  on  his  way  to  the  office  of  D. 
D.  Spludge,  Esq.,  he  met  Carrie,  who  held  out  her  hand 
to  him,  which  Joel  was  not  slow  in  taking.  The  young 
girl  informed  Joel  that  her  father  designed  sending  her  to 
Belgium,  for  the  purpose  of  finishing  her  education. 

' '  I  should  like  it  of  all  things  if  you  and  Sternna  could 
go  with  me." 

"  Then  you  do  not  like  to  go  without  us  ?  " 

"No,"  said  the  girl,  frankly.  "I  love  Sternna  so  much 
I  cannot  think  of  leaving  her.  I  have  a  plan,  and  if  papa 
will  help  me  carry  it  out,  I  shall  be  so  happy." 

At  the  word  "  happy,"  Mr.  Spludge  came  up.  He  touched 
his  hat  to  Carrie,  and  looked  sharply  at  Joel. 

"  I  don't  like  that  man,"  said  the  girl;  "do  you?" 
*3 


194  MADAME    JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

"I  think  he  is  very  just,  and  intends  to  do  right,"  said 
Joel. 

"  Yes;  papa  said  so,  too,  when  he  told  me  you  were  to 
study  with  him.  But  I  think  he  would  freeze  me  to  death 
in  a  week  if  I  had  to  live  with  him." 

"Well,  he  does  chill  me  a  little,  sometimes." 

"You  are  coming  to  my  party,  ain't  you,  Joel?" 

"If  I  am  invited." 

"Well,  you  are  invited.  You  are  invited  now.  Papa 
will  be  home  next  week,  and  I  am  to  have  a  grand  birth 
day  party.  I  shall  have  all  the  pleasant  young  folks  you 
know;  for  you  are  coming,  and  Sternna,  too." 

"  Won't  your  father  object?" 

"  Papa  object  to  you?  Don't  he  know  you  ?"  said  Carrie, 
opening  wide  her  great  blue  eyes.  "Object?  Haven't  I 
heard  him  say,  plenty  of  times,  you  were  a  great  wonder; 
and  that  you  had  brains,  and  all  that." 

"I  am  much  obliged  for  your  father's  good  opinion  of 
me,"  said  Joel,  coloring;  "  and  hope  I  may  live  to  merit  it." 

"Good-by,  Joel!  I  must  go%.  I  wish  you  would  come 
to  school  in  the  daytime.  Remember  the  party;  I  shall 
see  you  then." 

When  Joel  arrived  at  the  office  he  found  Mr.  Spludge 
looking  very  strait-laced.  There  was  a  frown  upon  his 
brow.  Joel  selected  a  book  and  began  reading.  Mr. 
Spludge  looked  up,  and  addressed  Joel  thus: 

' '  I  was  not  aware  that  you  were  acquainted  with  Senator 
Smith's  daughter.  Where  have  you  met  her?" 

"At  her  father's  house,"  returned  Joel  quickly. 

"During  his  absence,  or  before  his  departure?" 

"  I  have  not  been  to  Senator  Smith's  house  since  his  de 
parture;  but  was  there  frequently  before.  I  have  dined 
with  the  Senator  and  his  family  several  times;  and  have  sat 
in  their  box  at  the  Opera.  The  Senator  always  treated  me 
the  same  as  he  w^ould  you,"  said  Joel,  not  a  little  proud  to 
give  this  information. 


THE    MYSTERIOUS   JEWEL.  1 95 

"Oil!  ah!  1mm!"  was  the  only  answer  of  Mr.  Spludge; 
and  he  forthwith  set  off  into  a  train  of  thought  which 
seemed  likely  to  consume  the  entire  forenoon .  Mr.  Spludge 
was  thinking  what  under  the  light  of  heavens  could  Senator 
Smith  be  thinking  about  to  take  the  offspring  of  a  noted 
criminal  into  his  house  and  heart.  True,  Mr.  Spludge  had 
himself  introduced  Joel  to  the  best;  but  then  that  was  a 
different  thing.  Joel  was  his  student;  and  it  behooves  a 
Christian  gentleman  to  act  in  a  fair  way.  It  was  a  mystery 
how  a  man  of  Senator  Smith's  high  social  standing  could 
take  so  much  interest  in  Joel.  In  short,  Mr.  Spludge  was 
quite  done  out  of  giving  Joel  a  good  lecture  for  presuming 
to  speak  to  Miss  Carrie  Smith  in  the  street.  His  virtuous 
scruples  were  set  at  naught  by  Joel's  open  avowal  of  a 
previous  acquaintance. 

It  was  Friday  afternoon,  and  Miss  Busy  was  busy.  There 
was  a  dressmaker  in  her  private  room.  We  have  not  seen 
Miss  Busy's  eyes  look  so  bright  for  a  long  time.  The  two 
husbands  between  the  eyes  (we  think  we  have  somewhere 
in  a  previous  chapter  informed  the  reader  that  two  wrinkles 
between  the  eyes  denote  that  a  woman  will  have  two  hus 
bands — leastwise  it  is  an  old  sign;  with  a  man,  this  sign  is 
two  wives)  had  retired,  without  doubt,  in  disgust  at  the 
feminine  finery  which  strewed  her  apartments. 

Madame  Junk  had  gone  to  her  own  little  room,  to  bring 
her  rich  real  lace  to  finish  a  frill  for  Sternna's  neck.  Again 
her  long  arms  are  plowing  their  way  to  the  bottom  of  that 
huge  old  chest.  She  brings  up  from  its  depths  a  small  cas 
ket,  opens  it,  and  takes  therefrom  a  small  locket  and  a 
finely  wrought  chain.  The  locket  is  set  with  diamonds  in 
the  form  of  a  forget-me-not.  It  contains  two  pictures;  one 
a  man,  the  other  a  woman. 

Madame  Junk  holds  the  jewel  up  until  the  light  strikes 
upon  it.  The  diamonds  glitter  like  so  many  bright  eyes. 
"Shall  I  let  her  wear  this  to-night?"  was  the  question 
Madame  Junk  asked  herself.  "  Yes,  I  will;  it  may  lead  to 


196  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

something.  Poor  child!  may  God  protect  her;"  and  a 
great  tear  fell  upon  the  lace  Madame  Junk  was  folding 
in  a  piece  of  paper.  She  relocked  the  chest,  and  hastened 
back  to  Miss  Busy's.  Madame  Junk  laid  the  lace  in  Miss 
Busy's  hand,  and  that  lad}r  pronounced  it  to  be  as  fine  as 
fine  could  be;  and  would  never  have  doubted,  had  she  been 
so  informed,  that  the  lace  was  handed  down  from  Oliver 
Cromwell.  Madame  Junk  kept  the  locket  in  her  bosom,  all 
the  while  looking  sorrowful.  She  watched  Sternna  as  she 
moved  about  the  room,  and  seemed  undecided  how  to  act. 
After  lunch,  and  Madame  Junk  had  been  refreshed  by  a  cup 
of  Miss  Busy's  fragrant  Bohea,  she  took  out  the  box,  and 
held  up  the  locket. 

"  Sternna,  would  you  like  to  wear  this?" 

The  girl  took  the  jewel,  and  looked  it  over. 

"  It  is  not  mine,  and  everybody  would  know  it  was  not." 

"  It  is  yours,  my  child." 

"Mine !     Who  gave  it  to  you  for  me ? " 

"No  one  gave  it  to  me  for  you.  It  was  among  your 
clothing  when  I  took  ycu.  There  are  two  pictures  in  it; 
look  at  them." 

The  girl  touched  the  spring,  and  the  locket  flew  open. 
She  bent  her  head  so  low,  that  Madame  Junk  and  Miss 
Busy  could  not  read  the  expression  on  her  face.  In  one 
moment,  the  girl  was  kneeling  at  Madame  Junk's  feet, 
clasping  her  hand  within  her  own,  and,  between  great  sobs, 
she  cried:  "Mother,  dear,  good  mother,  only  tell  me  this 
is  my  real  father  and  mother.  Oh,  do!  I  know  it  is  my 
father  and  mother.  Tell  me  where  they  are.  I  cannot  live 
on  charity  longer." 

"Be  quiet,  my  child;  your  mother  is  in  heaven." 

"  Where  is  my  father?  " 

"  Be  quiet,  child,  be  quiet." 

Madame  Junk  was  totally  unprepared  for  this  outburst. 
Sternna  had  always  been  so  quiet,  and  never  before  evinced 
any  curiosity  to  know  of  her  parentage.  Madame  Junk 


THUS    MUCH    I    KNOW:    SHE    IS   ENGLISH.        1 97 

stooped  down  and  kissed  the  girl  on  either  cheek.  "  Trust 
in  God,  Sternna,  and  all  will  be  well/' 

Great  sobs  shook  the  girl;  she  could  not  speak.  Miss 
Busy  put  her  arms  about  her. 

"  Sternna,  you  have  hurt  me  to-day." 

" Hurt  you,  Miss  Busy!     How  could  I  hurt  you?  " 

"You  said  you  lived  on  charity;  how  could  you  say  such 
a  bad  thing?  "What  should  I  do  without  you?  You  are  far 
more  necessary  to  me  than  I  am  to  you;  you  make  me  feel 
so  sad,"  and  the  two  husbands  stood  forth  and  rebuked  the 
girl.  "Whatever  you  say,  do  not  say  that  again." 

"Is  my  father  dead,  too?  " 

"I  cannot  say/'  replied  Madame  Junk;  "we  will  trust 
God." 

By  this  time  Miss  Busy's  curiosity  was  somewhat  excited. 
She  took  the  locket  from  Sternna's  hand,  and  in  company 
with  the  two  husbands  gave  the  pictures  a  long  look. 

"As  I  thought,  English.  The  lady  is  the  real  English 
type  of  beauty,  and  the  gentleman,  what  nobility  there  is 
in  this  face !  I  always  thought  that  Sternna  was  English. 
We  haven't  any  such  children  in  America." 

"Yes,  thus  much  I  know :  Sternna  is  of  English  parent 
age,"  said  Madame  Junk. 

"I  knew  it!  I  knew  it  all  the  time."  The  two  husbands 
retired,  and  Miss  Busy  kissed  Sternna,  and  seemed  so 
delighted  that  it  was  now  settled  that  the  girl  was  English. 

"Trust  me,  Sternna;  I  have  the  key  and  will  find  out  the 
rest  of  it,"  said  Miss  Busy;  and  Madame  Junk  reiterated, 

"Trust  God,  Sternna;  He  has  the  key  and  will  find  out 
the  rest  of  it." 


CHAPTER   XXYI. 

THE  PARTY— A  DISCUSSION  OVER  ART. 

SOME  hour  before  it  was  time  for  Carrie's  friends  to 
arrive,  she  stood  beside  her  father  as  radiant  as  a 
morning-glory. 

"  Papa,  I  don't  want  you  to  be  .cross  with  me." 

"  Cross  with  you,  my  child!  If  I  felt  so,  I  would  put  it 
off  until  to-morrow.  I  would  not  be  cross  with  you  on 
your  birthday." 

"You  know  you  said,  papa,  it  was  time  I  began  to  use 
my  own  judgment,  and  told  me  to  invite  who  I  thought 
was  good.  I've  invited  Joel." 

The  Senator  laughed  and  kissed  her  cheek.  "  Of  course 
I  should  have  been  cross  had  you  not  done  so." 

"And  Sternna." 

"  Well,  did  you  ever  hear  of  any  one  giving  a  party 
without  inviting  their  best  friend  ?" 

"  But,  papa,  you  know  what  folks  say  about  her? 

"Nothing  bad,  I  hope,  my  daughter." 

"  They  say  she  has  no  father  and  mother.  That  she  is 
an  obscure  charity  child,  and  they  wonder  you  allow  me  to 
associate  with  her  so  intimately." 

"Do  they?" 

"But,  papa,  I  don't  care  what  they  say."  And  Carrie 
stepped  back  a  step  or  so  from  her  father's  side.  Her  blue 
eyes  seemed  to  emit  sparks  of  fire.  "  Sternna  is  glorious; 
she  is  beautiful;  she  is  wonderful.  Oh,  how  I  wish  she 
were  my  sister!  How  proud  I  should  be  of  her!  Whoever 
her  father  and  mother  may  be,  they  must  be  grand  people." 


A    BARGAIN.  199 

The  Senator  had  never  seen  his  daughter  look  so  hand 
some;  he  never  heard  her  speak  with  so  much  pathos  in  her 
tones,  and  he  never  felt  so  pleased  with  her.  Carrie  came 
near  and  placed  her  arms  about  her  father's  neck. 

"  Papa,  will  you  do  me  a  favor?" 

"  Yes;  if  it  is  anything  I  can  do  that  is  reasonable." 

"  I  want  you  to  pay  Sternna  particular  attention  to-night. 
I  want  you  to  dance  with  her  and  be  a  real  nice  beau  for 
her  all  the  evening." 

The  Senator  burst  into  a  hearty  laugh.  "  Why,  child,  I 
did  not  think  of  dancing.  I  thought  an  old  chap  like  my 
self  would  be  rather  in  the  way  among  young  people." 

"  No,  papa;  you  make  yourself  so  agreeable,  we  shall  be 
delighted  to  have  you  join  us."  And  she  gave  him  four  or 
five  kisses  on  the  forehead.  "  If  you  will  only  take  Sternna 
under  your  wing,  I  will — 

"You  will  what?" 

"  I  will  try  to  please  you  all  my  life/' 

"It's  a  bargain.  But  don't  you  think  some  of  the  young 
gentlemen  will  be  jealous?" 

"  Sternna  don't  know  any  young  men;  she  is  a  stranger, 
and  very  sensitive." 

"  Well,  my  dear,  I  will  endeavor  to  make  your  friend  feel 
at  home,  and  happy.  I  had  partly  made  an  engagement 
with  a  gentleman.  If  you  have  no  objections,  I  presume 
I  can  prevail  upon  him  to  join  us." 

"Would  it  not  be  ungenerous  in  me  to  object  to  your 
friends  when  you  are  so  kind  to  mine?  So,  papa,  if  your 
friend  will  honor  us  with  his  company,  I  too  will  try  to 
make  him  happy." 

"He  is  not  very  jolly,  but  he  is  elegant;  has  traveled 
much,  and  is  a  great  scholar.  You  have  heard  of  Mr. 
Stanly?" 

"Oh!  Mr.  Stanly;  won't  that  be  nice?" 

"  Well,  I  will  see.  Your  friends  will  soon  be  here,  and 
if  your  old  father  is  to  play  the  role  of  a  gay  young  cavalier, 
he  must  touch  himself  up  a  bin" 


20O  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"  You  are  not  old,  papa,  but  fix  up  kind  of  bright/'  and 
Carrie  began  arranging  some  Tines  that  trailed  about  a 
marble  statue. 

As  the  Senator  passed  out  of  the  room,  the  young  people 
began  to  gather,  and  soon  the  spacious  apartments  of  Sen 
ator  Smith's  mansion  were  filled  with  a  throng  of  young 
and  happy  people.  Carrie  flitted  hither  and  thither,  intro 
ducing  games  and  proposing  various  amusements  for  the 
pleasure  of  her  party.  Once  she  was  summoned  from  the 
room  to  her  father's  library,  where  he  stood,  as  he  said, 
ready  to  be  led  forth  like  a  lamb  to  the  slaughter. 

' '  I  have  essayed  to  play  the  part  of  a  young  beau,  and 
I  don't  propose  to  be  cut  out.  Now  mind  you,  Miss  Carrie, 
if  any  of  these  young  gentlemen  attempt  it,  I  shall  not 
answer  the  consequences — it  might  end  in  a  duel." 

"  There  is  no  danger,  papa,  no  one  will  try;  you  are  al 
together  too  fascinating." 

"  There,  Puss,  that  will  do;  I  was  not  fishing  for  such  a 
compliment." 

The  Senator  knew  something  of  society,  and  had  mingled 
with  the  best;  but  somehow,  to-night,  he  felt  awkward. 
Mayhap  the  reader,  if  ever  placed  in  a  like  situation,  may 
comprehend  his  feelings.  To  be  the  only  man  amidst  a  lot 
of  young  ones,  to  come  down  from  a  dignified  poise  and 
slide  in  upon  a  level  altogether  strange,  is  not  so  easy.  To 
stand  as  a  tall  tree  amidst  a  gardenful  of  flowers  without 
shutting  out  the  sunlight  to  some  extent,  would  be  a  diffi 
cult  task.  An  old  man  must  be  genial,  indeed,  who  ven 
tures  upon  such  ground.  The  Senator  was  by  nature  a 
gentleman;  he  felt  and  saw  all  this;  he  resolved  to  throw 
off  all  profound  thought  and  be  a  boy  again,  at  least  in  feel 
ings.  He  entered  the  room  and  moved  among  these  young 
people  as  one  of  them;  he  bade  the  music  strike  up 
something  lively;  he  began  to  find  out  who  danced,  and 
set  about  forming  a  quadrille. 

"  Where  is  your  friend,  Carrie?  I  am  to  dance  the  first 
set  with  her." 


THE    OLD    BEAU.  2OI 

"  Here  she  is,  papa/'  and  Carrie  led  the  way  to  a  remote 
corner  where  Sternna  sat  looking  over  a  collection  of  Kaul- 
bach's  historical  pictures.  She  was  so  much  engaged  she 
did  not  see  Carrie  and  her  father  come  up. 

"  Sternna,  this  is  my  dear  papa;  I  want  you  to  dance 
with  him." 

Sternna  arose.     The  Senator  held  out  his  hand. 

11 1  am  happy  to  see  you,  Sternna;  Carrie  has  talked  so 
much  about  you  I  feel  acquainted  with  you.  Will  you 
dance  with  me  ?" 

"  I  know  very  little  about  dancing,  but  will  do  the  best 
I  can;"  and  with  a  grace  that  was  never  plebeian  (as  Miss 
Busy  would  say),  she  placed  her  small  hand  on  the  arm  of 
the  Senator,  and  moved  down  the  saloon  to  take  her  place 
amid  the  dancers.  The  children  of  our  F.  F.  M.  (which 
means,  First  Families  of  Money),  whispered,  "There  goes 
the  Senator  with  that  charity  girl."  Sternna  made  a  few 
mistakes,  but  every  move  was  so  graceful  that  they  were  not 
noticed.  As  the  Senator  was  leading  her  to  a  seat  she 
remarked : 

"  I  fear  Carrie,  in  her  kindness  to  me,  has  imposed  a  great 
task  upon  you." 

"  Not  at  all.     Carrie  has  pleased  me." 

There  was  nothing  of  the  servile  in  this  girl's  tone. 
Nothing  of,  Thou  art  better  than  I;  how  honored  I  am; 
nothing  that  bespoke  she  had  such  a  thought,  and  yet  there 
was  nothing  bold.  There  was  simple  grace ;  an  easy  manner. 
There  was  equality  of  bearing,  without  a  knowledge  of  it. 
"Carrie  is  right,"  thought  the  Senator;  "what  a  superb 
woman  this  child  will  make  with  any  kind  of  circumstances. 
She  will  make  circumstances  dance  attendance  to  her.  To 
the  devil  with  social  caste!  All  jewels  are  not  set  in  social 
caste."  Such  were  the  Senator's  thoughts  as  he  watched 
his  daughter  and  Sternna  conversing.  The  Senator  had 
never  been  to  Europe.  He  knew  little  of  historic  character- 
faces  as  painted  by  the  old  masters;  and  yet  this  man  had  a 


2O2  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

love  for  art  without  a  particle  of  knowledge  of  it;  a  rever 
ence  for  heroic  pictures  without  the  history  of  them.  When 
he  looked  at  Sternna  he  had  this  same  feeling.  A  man 
versed  in  classic  literature  and  art  would  have  known  writh 
what  to  compare  Sternna.  But  early  education  had  left 
him  deficient  in  those  things. 

"  Ah!  come  at  last.  You  are  late,  Joel;  and  to  pay  you 
for  your  tardiness  you  must  do  double  duty.  Don't  wait 
another  minute;  you  must  dance  six  successive  sets.  Here, 
Carrie,  make  this  young  gentleman  trip  the  light  fantastic 
toe.  What  lad  is  that  over  there  ?" 

"  That  is  Georgie  Glewer,  papa." 

"  "Well,  Georgie  must  join  the  dancers,"  and  the  Senator 
walked  over  and  shook  George  by  the  hand  as  if  he  had 
known  him  a  hundred  years.  He  led  George  over  to  Lilian 
Spludge.  "  Come,  my  dear,  I  want  you  to  dance  with  this 
young  gentleman;  right  this  way,  in  our  set,"  and  the  Sen 
ator  led  out  one  of  the  Miss  Sampsons.  He  skipped  over 
the  floor  like  a  boy  of  fifteen.  He  made  himself  so  agree 
able  that  the  children  did  not  realize  he  was  not  of  their 
age.  Before  the  next  set  was  formed  the  Senator  was  sum 
moned  f ro  u  the  room.  Mr.  Stanly  was  in  the  study.  The 
Senator  had  no  difficulty  in  prevailing  upon  him  to  join  the 
young  party.  As  that  gentleman  affirmed,  he  liked  to  look 
on  young  and  happy  faces. 

Mr.  Stanly  was  first  presented  to  Carrie,  who  chatted  a 
time  with  him.  She  asked  him  if  he  would  not  dance,  but 
Mr.  Stanly  declined  to  dance. 

"What  young  lady  is  that  opposite?" 

"  That  is  my  very  best  friend,"  said  Carrie,  with  a  glow 
of  pride.  You  should  see  the  pictures  she  paints;  every 
one  thinks  she  is  a  real  artist.  Oh,  Mr.  Stanly,  she  is  won 
derful.  I  love  Sternna  very  much.  I  want  papa  to  love 
her,  too." 

"And  why  papa  more  than  any  one  else?"  said  Mr. 
Stanly,  in  a  playful  way. 


THAT    IS   A    SECRET.  203 

"Ah,  that's  a  secret,  Mr.  Stanly.  I  have  a  plan  in  my 
head  that  I  haven't  told  to  any  one  yet." 

"Suppose  you  tell  me,  I  can  keep  a  secret,  and  then  I 
may  be  able  to  help  you;  that  is,  if  it  is  something  good, 
and  I  have  no  doubt  it  is." 

Carrie  turned  her  head,  and  gave  Mr.  Stanly  a  square 
look  in  the  face.  She  saw  nothing  but  kind  benevolence 
there.  True,  his  face  wore  a  touch  of  sorrow,  but  through 
the  sorrow  there  was  something  which  seemed  to  imply — 
"Make  the  best  of  all  things." 

"Well,  have  you  made  up  your  mind  to  trust  me?" 

"Yes,  I  am  going  to  trust  you,  and  I  know  you  are  too 
much  of  a  gentleman  to  laugh  at  me,  even  if  you  do  not 
think  my  plan  a  good  one."  Mr.  Stanly  assumed  an  attitude 
of  attention. 

"You  see,"  began  Carrie,  "that  my  friend  is  called  a 
charity  pupil  in  the  school  where  I  attend;  but  Miss  Busy 
don't  call  her  one.  You  know  how  bad  and  envious  people 
are  sometimes." 

Mr.  Stanly  was  looking  out  from  under  his  brows  straight 
across  the  room  at  Sternna.  If  his  interest  in  Carrie's  plan 
was  only  pretended  before,  it  was  real  now. 

"What  is  her  other  name,  my  child  ?" 

Carrie  stammered  and  colored,  and  at  last  ventured  to  say 
she  did  not  know.  "Every  one  calls  her  Sternna,  and  she 
has  no  other  name." 

"No  other  name?"  said  Mr.  Stanly. 

"  No,  Sir;  Madame  Junk  took  her  when  she  was  an  infant. 
But  Sternna  won't  be  called  by  the  name  of  Junk;  she  says 
it  is  not  her  name,  and  she  will  not  be  called  by  a  name 
which  is  not  her  own." 

"  But  what  is  your  plan  for  your  young  friend  ?  " 

"Well,  it  is  this:  Papa  intends  to  send  me  to  Europe, 
and  I  want  him  to  send  Sternna  with  me.  I  want  her  to 
study  to  be  a  great  artist.  I  have  been  inquiring  around, 
and  I  have  found  out  she  must  go  there  before  she  can  be 


204  MADAME    JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

all  I  want  her  to  be,  and  all  I  know  she  can  be.  Won't 
you  speak  a  good  word  to  papa  for  me?  Papa  is  good,  and 
if  he  thinks  Sternna  is  good  and  honest,  and  has  brains" 
(the  Senator's  hobby  was  brains  as  much  as  Madame  Junk's 
was  not  being  born  right),  "  I  know  he  will  help  her.  Papa 
has  not  those  notions  about  poor  folks  that  some  people 
have." 

Mr.  Stanly  seemed  much  moved.  He  looked  at  Carrie 
with  astonishment.  "You  are  a  good  girl,  and  a  blessing  to 
your  father.  Did  I  not  tell  you  I  might  prove  to  be  of  ser 
vice  to  you?  Now,  I  am  not  only  going  to  speak  to  your 
papa,  but  I  am  going  to  see  what  I  can  do  myself." 

"  Oh,  thank  you!  thank  you!" 

She  caught  hold  of  his  hand,  and  would  have  kissed  it  for 
all  we  know,  had  he  not  said: 

"  There,  there,  child;  our  secret  will  be  no  longer  a 
secret  if  you  are  not  careful." 

"  Let  me  introduce  you  to  Sternna." 

"  Wait  a  moment;  she  will  think  we  have  been  talking 
about  her.  Dance  first;  go  about  the  room;  I  will  amuse 
myself  by  looking  on." 

From  that  moment  a  deep  and  sincere  friendship  existed 
between  Carrie  and  Mr.  Stanly.  Carrie  was  so  happy  the 
balance  of  the  evening,  that  more  than  once  she  had  half  a 
mind  to  tell  Joel  what  a  glorious  man  this  Mr.  Stanly  was. 
She  was  so  eager  to  present  him  to  Sternna,  she  was  back 
in  a  very  short  time. 

"Mr.  Stanly,  won't  you  promenade  with  me?"  Carrie 
laid  her  arm  in  his,  and  walked  about  the  saloon,  telling 
whose  daughter  this  was  and  whose  son  that  was,  introduc 
ing  him  here  and  there  to  a  bevy  of  young  ladies.  Indi 
rectly  she  approached  Sternna.  "  Sternna,  this  is  Mr. 
Stanly,  a  particular  friend  of  papa's  and  mine." 

Sternna  arose  and  bowed  with  a  grace  that  would  have 
done  honor  to  royalty. 

"Take  a  seat,  Mr.  Stanly,"  said  Carrie,  in  her  off-hand 


MR.    STANLY    AND    STERNNA.  2 05 

way,  and  she  motioned  him  to  a  seat  beside  Sternna.  "Mr. 
Stanly  don't  dance,  Sternna,  and  will  be  pleased  to  talk 
with  you  about  pictures.  He  has  traveled  all  over  Europe, 
and  can  tell  you  the  history  of  everything." 

"  Ah,  Miss  Carrie!  you  overestimate  my  knowledge." 
"  Not  a  bit  of  it.     I  know  all  about  you;  papa  has  told 
me." 

Carrie  brought  two  albums  filled  with  engravings  from 
Genelli. 

Mr.  Stanly  opened  one  and  began  explaining  to  Sternna 
how  the  great  artist  had  studied  mythology.  He  explained 
in  detail  what  the  artist  intended  to  represent  by  the  differ 
ent  figures.  When  he  came  to  a  historical  one  he  grew  in 
teresting.  Mr.  Stanly  opened  out  a  new  world  to  this 
young  girl's  mind.  He  painted  so  vividly  the  lives  of  these 
toilers  of  the  sublime,  that  tears  were  falling  from  Sternna's 
eyes. 

"  Why,  child,  I  fear  I  have  drawn  too  strongly  upon 
your  imagination." 

"No!  no!  I  am  so  happy — I  am  not  grieved.  Tell  me 
more."  And  her  hands  were  folded  in  reverential  awe,  her 
lips  half  parted;  she  was  drinking  in  her  first  draught  of 
artistic  delineation  from  the  world  of  art  and  its  old 
masters. 

Mr.  Stanly  had  talked  an  hour.  He  found  his  listener  in 
a  quiet,  dreamy,  thoughtful  mood. 

"  Miss  Carrie  tells  me  you  paint." 

"  Yes;  but  I  shall  give  it  up  now." 

"Why?" 

"  For  the  want  of  knowledge.  You  have  shown  me  how 
poor  I  am.  What  am  I?  I  can  never  be  an  artist  such  as 
you  have  told  me  of." 

"  The  artists  I  have  spoken  to  you  of  thought  of  them 
selves  as  you  think  of  yourself,  in  their  early  efforts.  I 
must  see  some  of  your  work  before  I  allow  you  to  judge 
yourself  so  harshly." 


2O6  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

"  And  when  you  have  seen  them  will  you  be  frank  enough 
to  tell  me  just  what  you  do  think?  I  am  wreary  of  hearing 
people  say:  'Oh,  that  is  beautiful!'  when  I  know  it  is  no 
such  thing.  My  pictures  might  look  better  if  I  could  paint 
just  what  I  feel;  but  I  cannot  do  that,  and  I  have  no  one 
to  teach  me." 

"  My  child,  no  one  can  teach  you  feeling,  and  none  but 
God  can  define  them.  You  may  be  instructed  how  to  best 
depict  your  feelings  upon  canvas.  If  you  place  your 
written  thoughts  upon  paper,  those  thoughts  may  be  cor 
rected  and  made  to  appear  in  proper  shape.  Thought  of 
itself  is  spontaneous,  and  where  there  is  real  talent  it  is 
original.  All  talent  is  born  of  original  thought.  A  thing 
is  great  just  in  proportion  to  the  amount  of  spirit  there  is 
in  it.  The  world  might  go  on  forever  copying  from  a  few 
great  masters,  both  in  literature  and  art,  but  they  would 
not  enrich  themselves  or  benefit  the  world.  This  is  an  age 
when  the  supply  of  knowledge  does  not  fill  the  demand." 

Mr.  Stanly  had  touched  the  right  chord  in  Sternna's 
artist  soul.  How  she  grew  in  that  one  hour!  A  respon 
sive  awakening  atuned  anew  the  beautiful  and  harmonious 
symphony  of  a  grand  nature  that  had  only  waited  an  aus 
picious  moment  to  be  adjusted. 

Our  reader  has  seen  how  adverse  our  little  charity  waif  is 
to  appropriating  anything  which  was  not  her  own.  The 
same  feeling  applied  itself  to  her  art. 

"Mr.  Stanly,  do  you  call  that  our  own,  when  we  take 
the  word-pictures  of  a  poet  and  render  them  in  colors  on 
canvas  ?  " 

"  There,  my  little  friend,  is  a  question  which  will  admit 
of  a  much  longer  conversation  than  we  have  time  to  enter 
upon  to-night.  I  will  give  you  a  few  brief  hints  about  that, 
and  at  some  future  time  we  will,  if  you  wish,  discuss  this 
at  length.  I  regret  to  say,  that  too  frequently  such  pictures 
are  a  parody  on  the  poet's  spirit." 

"  Cannot  the  poet  be  guilty  of  the  same  offense?" 


THE    NEED    OF    REFRESHMENTS.  2O/ 

Mr.  Stanly  smiled  at  the  girl's  defense. 

"  Yes,  he  can,  and  is;  but  the  chances  are  in  favor  of  the 
poet.  He  does  not  so  frequently  offend,  and  his  pictures 
are  not  so  grotesque." 

"Because  they  are  not  so  difficult,"  said  Sternna. 

"In  part  you  are  correct.  The  arts  may  clasp  hands  in 
harmonious  fellowship,  provided  they  belong  to  the  same 
class." 

"Mr.  Stanly,  does  not  every  artist,  and  every  poet,  have 
a  subject?  and  if  the  subject  is  not  their  own,  where  does 
originality  begin  ?  The  writers  of  history  must  first  have 
their  facts;  they  do  not  create  them,  or  it  would  not  be  his 
tory.  It  seems  to  me  the  only  real  originality  belongs  to 
God." 

"  Well,  my  little  friend,  you  are  going  much  farther  than 
I  bargained  for.  When  we  speak  of  original  things,  we 
refer  to  thought  conceived,  and  that  thought  made  to  act. 
A  good  general  conceives  his  own  plans  and  executes  them." 

"  But  he  draws  his  plans  from  other  men's  experience," 
said  Sternna,  just  as  Senator  Smith,  with  Carrie  and  Joel, 
came  up.  The  Senator  had  been  watching  this  spirited 
conversation  at  a  distance. 

"Beally,  Mr.  Stanly,  Miss  Sternna  and  yourself  must 
feel  the  need  of  refreshments?" 

"Not  I;  I  have  been  refreshed." 

"  Will  you  not  accompany  us  to  the  supper-room?" 

"  I  beg  you  will  excuse  me.  I  have  not,  for  years,  taken 
anything  at  this  hour." 

"If  I  must  excuse  you,  you  will  lose  your  pleasant  com 
pany." 

The  Senator  offered  his  arm  to  Sternna,  who  arose,  ac 
cepted  it,  lingered  a  moment,  and  then  said:  "  Shall  I  see 
you  again  this  evening,  Mr.  Stanly?" 

"  No,  I  think  not." 

The  Senator  waited  a  moment  for  Mr.  Stanly  to  add 
something  more  to  this  abrupt  answer. 


2O8  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"  But  I  should  like  to  see  you  again/5  said  the  girl,  in 
pleading  tones.  She  held  out  her  hand.  "Good  night, 
Mr.  Stanly.  I  thank  you  so  much  for  all  you.  have  told  me. 
I  should  be  glad  to  hear  more.  I.  feel  it  will  be  a  benefit  to 
me.  If  I  never  see  you  again,  I  can  never  forget  this  time." 

"  You  will  see  me  again,  child,  you  will  see  me.  I  must 
see  your  work.  But  look  here;  do  not  talk  about  stopping 
now.  Good  night."  This  time,  he  extended  his  hand,  and 
shook  that  of  the  girl's  warmly.  As  Sternna  moved  down 
the  saloon,  leaning  on  the  arm  of  her  host,  Mr.  Stanly 
looked  after  them.  "Hum!  a  marvel  not  American,  I  will 
venture  to  say."  Mr.  Stanly,  in  his  heart  of  hearts,  said: 
"  God  bless  these  true  republican  souls,  that  have  dared  to 
lift  this  bright  jewel  from  its  bed  of  ashes!  " 

It  would  take  a  newspaper  Jenkins  to  write  up  this  party 
as  it  should  be  written.  The  most  we  can  do  is  to  say  the 
Senator  played  the  part  of  a  gallant  to  the  entire  satisfaction 
of  his  daughter.  He  did  his  utmost  to  make  each  young 
guest  feel  at  home  and  happy. 

"How  did  you  enjoy  the  party?  "  said  Tom  Glewer  to  his 
son  George.  "Didn't  Carrie  treat  you  well?" 

"Yes,  she  danced  with  me,  and  made  the  rest  of  the  girls." 

"Didn't  the  Senator  notice  you?" 

"Yes,  he  did,  and  shook  hands  with  me,  and  asked  after 
you." 

"Well,  you  are  a  stupid  fellow.  Why  under  the  heavens 
didn't  you  enjoy  yourself,  then?  " 

"Sternna  didn't  notice  me." 

"What  do  you  care  for  that?  She  is  as  poor  as  a  church 
mouse — a  charity  scholar,  and  nobody,  any  way." 

"Tom!"  and  Kate  stood  before  him.  Her  great  brown 
eyes  had  grown  wonderfully  black  in  a  moment.  "Is  that 
the  principle  you  teach  George  ?  I  despise  it.  It  is  beneath 
a  man  to  speak  in  the  manner  you  have  spoken  of  Sternna. 
You  know  the  old  adage,  'A  man  should  not  sit  in  a  glass 
house  and  throw  stones.'" 


A    GLASS    HOUSE.  2CX) 

"Who  lives  in  a  glass  house?"  said  Tom,  somewhat  dis 
comfited. 

"You  do"  said  the  wife;  "  and  some  one  may  take  it  upon 
themselves  to  demolish  it.  I  should  feel  ashamed  if  you 
were  to  make  siich  remarks  outside  your  own  door.  And 
George,  never  repeat  what  you  have  heard  your  papa  say. 
Sternna  is  a  good  girl,  and  George  has  shown  his  good  taste 
in  liking  her  company." 

Tom  squirmed  under  these  biting  words.  What  did  Kate 
mean?  Had  she  ever  heard  anything?  It  seemed  so  to  him, 
she  looked  so  scornful.  "The  devil!"  thought  Tom;  "if  a 
woman  ever  gets  hold  of  an  unjust  thing  a  man  has  ever 
done,  no  matter  how  many  years  it  was  before  she  married 
him,  she  always  uses  it  as  a  lever  to  press  him  under  her 
thumb." 

Well,  Tom,  it  may  be  so  in  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  but 
your  wife  is  an  exception.  Several  years  have  passed,  and 
this  is  the  first  time  this  formidable  weapon  has  shown  its 
sharp  point,  and  never  will  again,  except  in  defense  of  in 
nocence.  So  take  care  upon  what  ground  you  intrude  your 
coarse  nature.  The  breakfast-hour  passed  in  silence,  and 
we  might  almost  say  pouts. 

Madame  Junk  was  up  next  morning  with  the  birds.  She 
had  not  slept  hardly  a  wink  all  night.  She  had  been  think 
ing  about  her  children :  she  called  them  hers  yet.  In  her 
mind,  she  had  married  Joel  to  the  Senator's  daughter  the 
first  time  he  saw  her,  and  for  Sternna,  she  had  marked  out 
the  most  brilliant  career  that  it  was  possible  for  any  human 
being  to  have.  She  saw  the  two  settled  in  life,  with  wealth 
and  pomp.  She  saw  large  families  of  well-born  girls  and 
boys  grow  up  around  them,  and,  if  the  truth  was  known, 
she  had  those  girls  and  boys  married  too.  Madame  Junk 
thought  she  would  divide  the  time  between  the  two  houses, 
and  dispense  their  large  means  among  the  poor.  Yes,  in 
deed  !  her  vivid  imagination  had  arranged  everything  in  fine 
order. 


2IO  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"  How  did  you  enjoy  the  party,  Sternna?"  said  Madame 
Junk,  the  day  after. 

"More  than  all  my  life  together/'  replied  Sternna. 

"  I  told  you  BO,"  said  Madame  Junk. 

"Why,  Sternna/5  exclaimed  Miss  Busy,  "you  should 
have  said  more  than  on  any  other  occasion  in  all  your  life." 

"  Tell  us  about  it;"  and  Madame  Junk's  eyes  brightened 
as  if  she  were  living  her  old  party  days  over  again.  Then 
Sternna  related  her  conversation  with  Mr.  Stanly. 

*'  Is  he  English?"  said  Miss  Busy,  and  one  husband  re 
tired  and  left  the  other  standing  perpendicularly  between 
her  eyes. 

"  I  should  think  he  was.     He  has  traveled  much." 

"  "When  will  he  call  ?"  asked  Miss  Busy,  as  her  face  settled 
into  a  placid  expression  of  ladylike  sweetness — just  such 
an  expression  as  it  will  wear  the  day  Mr.  Stanly  calls. 

Madame  Junk  was  thanking  God  silently,  and  when  she 
spoke  it  was  as  follows : 

"  You  see,  Miss  Busy,  the  gentleman  has  doubtless  lived 
in  America  long  enough  to  have  become  cosmopolitan,  and 
republican  enough  to  acknowledge  worth  irrespective  of 
wealth." 

"  Doubtless,"  returned  Miss  Busy;  "  but  knowledge  does 
that  in  any  country." 

Madame  Junk  did  not  reply,  but  she  did  not  believe  it. 


CHAPTER    XXYII. 

THE    YOUNG    PROT&G&E. 

OOD  morning,  papa,"  said  Carrie  Smith,  as  she 
entered  the  breakfast-room,  the  next  morning  after 
the  party.  She  walked  up  and  kissed  him  on  either  cheek. 
"  Two  kisses  this  morning;  one  for  me." 

"Well,  who  is  the  other  for?" 

"That's  for  me  too;  but  that  is  for  services." 

"Ha!  ha!  you  are  a  good  pay-mistress.  But  I  think  I 
shall  have  to  set  a  higher  price  on  my  labors." 

"Well,  I  suppose  if  I  cannot  have  your  services  without 
paying  more,  I  shall  have  to  give  more.  When  a  man  does 
his  work  well,  we  should  never  object  to  giving  a  little  some 
thing  extra;  so  here  is  something  extra; "  and  she  gave  him 
a  kiss  on  the  forehead. 

When  a  sensitive  nature  wishes  to  learn  something  over 
which  it  is  deeply  interested,  they  dread  to  ask,  even  when 
they  have  every  reason  to  suppose  the  answer  will  be  favor 
able  to  their  wishes. 

Now  the  Senator  sat  waiting  for  his  daughter  to  ask  him 
how  he  liked  her  friend;  but  she  seemed  to  be  walking 
around  and  around  the  dish,  before  lifting  the  cover. 

"Papa,  what  an  elegant  gentleman  Mr.  Stanly  is.  He 
is  so  interesting;  knows  so  much  of  books  and  pictures." 

"Ah!  yes,"  said  the  Senator;  and  his  good-humored 
face  was  touched  by  a  shadow,  and  a  ghost  of  a  sigh  es 
caped  his  lips.  "Yes,  he  has  had  every  facility  for  attain 
ing  knowledge.  Carrie,  are  you  pleased  with  the  idea  of 
going  to  Europe  to  finish  your  education  ?  I  want  to  start 
in  six  weeks.  Can  you  and  mamma  be  ready  by  that  time  ?  " 


212  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"I  think  so,"  said  Carrie,  thoughtfully. 

"But  you  don't  seem  to  be  very  much  awake  about  it. 
What  is  the  matter?" 

"  I  should  be  delighted  if  —  " 

<  'If  what?" 

"  If  Sternna  could  go  with  us,"  said  Carrie,  getting  it 
crat  at  last. 

Both  were  silent  a  moment. 

"  So  you  would  like  Sternna  to  go  with  us  ?  " 

"Papa!"  and  Carrie  gave  one  bound  and  stood  beside 
him.  Pier  face  was  bent  within  a  few  inches  of  his.  She 
was  looking  into  his  eyes;  she  seemed  to  choke;  she  could 
not  utter  one  word,  and  great  tears  were  falling  on  the  Sen 
ator's  hands. 

"  Papa,  it  would  make  me  so  happy." 

"There,  there,  child;  if  it  would  make  you  so  happy, 
what  are  you  crying  about  it  for?" 

"Don't  people  cry  for  joy  sometimes?  I  am  crying, 
papa,  because  you  are  so  good." 

"  "Well,  we  will  see  about  it;  but  what  will  mamma  say  ?  " 

"  Mamma  will  say  anything  you  say." 

"  We  will  see  about  it"  was  as  good  as  yes.  Came  had 
been  brought  up  on  the  words  "  see  about  it,"  and  its  defi 
nition  had  always  turned  out  to  be  " yes." 

1 '  Maybe  you  would  like  to  take  Joel  along,  too?"  said 
the  Senator,  with  a  laugh. 

"  No,"  said  the  girl.  "  Joel  is  almost  a  man  and  can  take 
care  of  himself,  and  if  he  cannot  you  will  see  about  it,"  said 
Carrie,  laughing  in  turn. 

"But,  Carrie,  it  seems  to  me  this  girl's  nature  is  too 
haughty  to  sit  under  your  little  wing." 

"  Oh,  dear,  no,  papa!  you  don't  understand.  Do  you 
think  I  should  dare  to  take  that  position  toward  Sternna  ? 
I  want  her  by  my  side,  not  under  my  wing.  Don't  you  see, 
dear  papa,  that  she  is  more  than  my  equal  ?  Don't  you  see 
how  grand,  and  great,  and  glorious  she  is?  Don't  you  see  it, 
don't  you  feel  what  she  is  ?" 


AN    ENGLISH    LADY.  213 

"  My  child,  your  love  for  her  must  be  very  deep.  I  must 
see  about  this,  or  she  will  rob  me  of  your  love." 

"  Papa,  she  would  make  me  love  you  more.  If  you  could 
hear  her  talk  !  How  she  longs  for  a  father  !  how  she  would 
love  one!  Oh,  papa!  Sternna  would  worship  a  father  like 
you;  one  she  could  look  up  to,  as  I  do  to  you;  one  that  is 
as  kind  and  good  as  you  are.  How  blest  she  thinks  I  am, 
and  how  happy  she  thinks  I  should  be.  Her  heart  yearns 
for  home,  and  friends,  and  a  father's  and  mother's  love." 

Just  at  that  moment  the  Senator's  nose  called  for  a  wipe. 
His  eyes  were  all  right;  it  was  only  his  nose  that  was 
weeping. 

At  this  point  a  servant  brought  up  Mr.  Stanly's  card. 

"  Show  the  gentleman  up;  I  am  always  at  home  to  him." 

Carrie  shook  hands  warmly  with  Mr.  Stanly;  rolled  an 
easy-chair  beside  her  father,  and  bade  Mr.  Stanly  sit  right 
down  there,  beside  papa.  She  did  not  deem  it  best  to 
remain. 

"Going  so  soon,  Miss  Carrie?  I  promised  myself  a 
pleasant  chat  with  you." 

"You  will  have  that  with  papa.  The  oldest  must  be 
served  first,  you  know.  I  will  come  in  for  my  share  after  a 
while." 

"  Well,  on  those  conditions  I  release  you." 

"  Well,  Senator" — and  Mr.  Stanly  laid  his  hand  on  the 
knee  of  the  Senator — "  I  want  to  talk  to  you  about  a  matter 
in  which  I  have  become  lately  interested.  What  do  you 
know  about  this  child  Sternna  ?" 

"  Very  little.  She  is  a  nameless  orphan  that  Madame 
Junk  took  care  of  in  infancy;  and  later,  she  has  been  the 
protegee  of  Miss  Sally  Busy,  an  English  lady  of  culture. 
Stanly,  what  does  she  remind  you  of  ?" 

"  I  have  seen  much  she  reminds  me  of.  The  poise  of  her 
head  and  the  cast  of  her  face  are  royal.  She  is  the  image 
of  a  Scottish  earl  I  once  knew.  What  Or  model  she  would 
make  for  a  sculptor  as  Melpomene !" 


214       MADAME  JANE  JUNK  AND  JOE. 

"  Carrie  is  very  much  in  love  with  her/' 

"Yes,  I  have  discovered  that;  and  your  daughter  has 
shown  superior  judgment  in  the  choosing  of  an  intimate 
friend.  I  want  to  do  something  for  this  child,  and  I  wish 
you  would  advise  me  how  to  proceed/' 

"  "Well,  Mr.  Stanly,  I  had  resolved  before  you  came  in 
that  she  should  go  to  Europe  with  Carrie." 

"  She  is  over-sensitive,"  said  Mr.  Stanly,  "  and  we  must 
proceed  with  caution.  Has  she  a  guardian?" 

"  I  think  not;  that  is,  none  appointed  by  law/' 

"  I  would  adopt  this  girl,"  said  Mr.  Stanly,  "  and  let  her 
go  to  Europe  with  you,  and  study  under  the  best  masters 
there." 

"  Yes;  Miss  Busy  tells  me  the  girl  has  great  talent  as  an 
artist." 

"I  want  to  call  on  her  and  see  her  work,"  said  Mr. 
Stanly. 

"  We  will  let  Carrie  arrange  that.  I  believe  the  child's 
heart  would  break  if  she  is  disappointed  about  having  this 
young  girl  go  to  Europe  with  her,"  and  the  Senator  wiped 
his  nose  again.  "Whenever  he  was  moved,  that  organ  seemed 
to  require  especial  attention. 

"  I  suppose  the  proper  person  to  consult  with  over  this 
matter  would  be  Madame  Junk,  would  it  not?" 

"Yes;  and  Miss  Busy  also.  I  know  of  no  one  else  who 
has  any  claim;  and  I  have  no  doubt  that  both  these  ladies 
have  too  much  sense  to  interfere  in  a  thing  which  is  for  the 
child's  good." 

"  How  soon  do  you  leave?" 

"  I  was  intending  to  start  in  six  weeks." 

"  That  is  little  time  enough  to  arrange  matters,"  said  Mr. 
Stanly. 

"  We  American  people  do  not  stand  for  fixing  long.  We 
like  enough  think  of  it  over  night,  and  start  to  go  around 
the  world  next  day." 

"  Yes,"  replied  Mr.  Stanly,  "  that  is  characteristic  of  the 


MISS   BUSY'S   USEFULNESS.  215 

American  people.     What  sort   of   a   person  is  this   Miss 

Busy?" 

"  She  is  a  cultivated  English  lady,  of  doubtful  age." 

"  I  am  to  understand  that  she  is  a  maiden  lady?" 

"  Correct;  but  she  is   a  woman  of  vast  research,  and 

there  are  few,  if  any,  men  in  the  State  as  well  educated. 

She  is  a  competent  teacher,  as  her  pupils  will  attest." 
"  It  seems  this  lady's  field  has  been  one  of  usefulness," 

said  Mr.  Stanly. 

"  Ah,  yes;  it  is  the  order  of  labor  we  require." 

' '  "When  shall  we  wait  upon  this  lady  and  her  wonderful 

protegee?" 

The  Senator  rang,  and  a  servant  put  his  head  in  at  the 

door. 

"  Tell  Miss  Carrie  I  would  like  to  see  her." 

Carrie  was  only  too  glad  to  answer  the  summons.     She 

felt  the  arrangements  were  almost  completed. 

"  When  is  Miss  Busy  and  Sternna  most  at  leisure?" 
"  After  three  o'clock.  Will  you  call,  Mr.  Stanly  ?" 
"  I  am  thinking  of  doing  so.  I  promised  your  friend  I 

would  call." 

"  Papa,  do  go  with  Mr.  Stanly  and  see  Sternna." 

So  it  was  arranged  that  the  three  should  go  the  next 

afternoon. 


CHAPTEK    XXVIII. 

THE  COMING  THUNDERCLAP. 

GLEWER  was  getting  rich,  so  community  said. 
JL  He  had  built  a  new  house;  he  had  surrounded  his 
wife  and  son  with  such  comforts  as  his  uncultivated  taste 
suggested.  But  Kate  was  alone,  ever  communing  with  her 
own  thoughts.  To  argue  questions  pro  and  con  with  one 
self  is  rather  wearing  on  nerves.  Kate  Glewer  was  a  lover 
of  the  beautiful;  she  was  a  lover  of  the  just,  the  right  and 
all  things  holy.  Must  she  die  with  all  the  music  in  her 
soul?  Catharine  Glewer  had  built  herself  a  private  chapel, 
that  is,  she  had  appropriated  a  small  room  exclusively  for 
her  own  use.  It  is  doubtful  if  Tom  knew  anything  about 
it;  his  interest  did  not  go  beyond  the  dining-room,  kitchen 
and  sleeping-room.  His  business  kept  him  from  home  a 
good  part  of  the  time.  On  the  altar  of  this  chapel  were 
laid  books;  we  cannot  mention  each  separately;  they  were 
the  minds  of  mighty  men,  and,  bowing  before  their  shrine, 
was  the  wife  of  a  shopkeeper  who  dealt  in  hardware. 

One  day,  as  Kate  sat  conning  over  Macaulay's  History  of 
England,  she  glanced  from  the  window  of  her  chapel  and 
saw  a  woman  coming  up  the  walk.  This  woman  was  tall, 
with  a  large,  full,  bloated  face;  she  wore  a  faded  red  shawl, 
that  looked  as  if  it  might  have  served  for  a  bed-blanket;  a 
white  silk  bonnet  with  pink  roses;  a  blue  dress  very  much 
soiled,  and  a  pair  of  boots  laced  up  with  white  cotton  cord. 
We  are  not  going  to  give  a  full  inventory  of  this  woman's 
garments,  but  she  presented  a  general  bold  and  untidy 


THERE    IS    NOTHING    TO   BE    TART   ABOUT.       217 

appearance.  There  is  not  a  human  being  without  some 
redeeming  features,  and  this  woman  had  hers.  Her  hands 
were  white,  her  fingers  long  and  tapering:  a  beautiful  hand 
that  any  lady  might  be  proud  of. 

"Who  can  that  be?'"  thought  Kate.  "  She  don't  walk  like 
a  beggar."  The  woman  rang  the  bell,  and  Kate  answered 
the  door. 

"Does  Tom  Glewer  live  here?" 

"He  does." 

"Are  you  his  wife?" 

"lam." 

"When  will  he  be  in?" 

"At  six  o'clock.  If  you  wish  to  leave  any  word,  I  will 
deliver  it." 

The  woman  looked  at  Kate  from  head  to  foot.  Her 
bleared  eyes  rested  a  moment  on  Kate's  face,  and  her  lips 
curled,  as  she  answered:  "I  can  deliver  my  own  words," 
and  she  turned  to  go.  Turning  about  again,  she  said:  "See 
here;  suppose  you  don't  tell  him  a  Avoman  called  to-day.  I 
want  to  be  a  thunderclap.  Do  you  promise?  " 

"No,"  said  Kate;  "why  should  I  make  such  a  promise 
to  you?" 

"Well,  there  is  nothing  to  be  so  tart  about;  you  would 
only  have  to  keep  your  promise  a  few  hours.  But,  if  you 
don't  feel  like  it,  do  as  you  please." 

This  time  the  woman  walked  away  with  stately  mien. 
Kate  closed  the  door,  and  went  back  to  her  little  chapel. 
Should  she  tell  Tom  about  the  woman,  or  should  she  not? 
Who  could  she  be,  and  what  did  she  want?  All  these 
thoughts  that  would  be  likely  to  pass  through  any  woman's 
head  passed  through  Kate's.  No,  she  would  not  tell  Tom. 
Had  she  done  so,  the  woman  would  have  missed  seeing  him. 
Kate  thought  this  woman  an  obnoxious  weed,  and  that  it 
was  best  to  pull  her  up  root  and  branch,  and  have  it  done 
with.  So  Kate  busied  herself  about  her  house,  prepared  a 
nice  tea,  and  awaited  the  woman's  thunderclap,  which  was 


2l8  MADAME  JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

soon  to  light  in  their  midst.  Kate  would  send  George  out 
this  evening.  She  would  run  no  risk  of  his  being  hurt  by 
said  thunderclap.  After  tea,  George  was  sent  to  spend  the 
evening  with  Miss  Busy  and  Sternna. 

The  woman  appeared  on  time.  Kate  did  not  wait  for 
Tom  to  answer  the  ring;  she  opened  the  door. 

"  My  husband  is  in  now;  step  this  way/'  and  Kate  con 
ducted  the  way  to  the  drawing-room. 

* '  Tom  Glewer,  how  d'ye  do  ?  Maybe  you  don't  know  me; 
it  has  been  quite  a  number  of  years  since  we  met." 

"  No,  madame,  I  must  say  I  do  not." 

"  Ha!  ha!  ha!  Oh  dear  me!  but  that's  a  good  joke;  don't 
know  an  old  sweetheart!  Well,  I  don't  much  wonder;  I 
have  changed.  Where's  the  boy?  Tom  Glewer,  that  boy 
should  have  bound  us  together  for  time  and  eternity — and 
I  guess  he  does."  With  these  words  she  gave  Kate  an  in 
sulting  look. 

<c  If  you  don't  get  out  of  my  house  this  moment,  I'll  have 
an  officer  arrest  you." 

"  Ha!  ha!  ha!  another  good  joke;  and  if  he  does,  there 
will  be  a  pair  of  us.  Look  ahere,  Tom  Glewer;  have  you 
forgotten  that  little  transaction  that  I  have  kept  mum  about 
all  these  years,  and  let  you  live  with  this  woman  whom  the 
law  will  free  from  you  in  twenty-four  hours?  Do  you  know 
me  now?" 

Kate  was  watching  Tom.  He  shook  like  an  aspen  leaf. 
In  every  true  and  noble  woman's  heart  there  is  pity  for  the 
man  she  has  lived  with  for  years.  She  sometimes  deceives 
herself  with  the  belief  that  it  is  love.  Kate  arose  from  her 
seat.  Her  large,  brown  eyes  grew  black;  she  seemed  to 
grow  in  height,  for  she  looked  taller.  She  looked  a  queen 
among  those  two  common  people;  and  with  a  step  as  stately 
as  one,  she  walked  up  to  this  woman. 

"This  is  my  husband  you  are  addressing;  and  I  will 
inform  you  it  matters  not  what  he  has  done,  or  what  you 
know  of  him;  it  matters  not  if  he  has  been  a  thief;  it  mat- 


SHE    LET    HIM   ALONE.  2IQ 

ters  not  if  lie  is  a  bigamist,  or  what  crime  he  may  have  com 
mitted,  he  is  my  husband,  and  I  will  defend  him.  I  will 
stand  by  him  and  shield  him  from  your  threats.  If  he  owes 
you  money  he  must  pay  it;  if  he  has  wronged  you  he  shall 
repair  that  wrong  as  far  as  he  can  do  so  honorably.  Further 
than  that  expect  nothing,  for  you  will  get  nothing.  I  am 
a  formidable  obstacle  in  your  way,  and  cannot  be  removed." 

"  Ho!  ho!"  said  the  woman;  "  highstrung  and  plenty  of 
spirit!  Where  is  our  boy?" 

"Who's  boy?" 

"  Tom  Glewer's  and  mine,"  said  the  woman. 

"  Mr.  Glewer's  son  and  mine  lives  with  his  parents,"  re 
turned  Kate. 

All  this  time  Tom  sat  as  one  in  a  trance. 

"Yours?  HaJ  ha!  How  can  he  be  yours  when  I  gave 
birth  to  him?  You  never  had  a  child,  so  you  stole  mine." 

"  My  husband's  son  is  mine,  and  I  shall  hold  him." 

"  Will  you?     We  shall  see  about  that." 

' '  Woman !  I  have  protected  my  husband  and  myself 
against  any  such  interference.  I  am  fully  armed  to  protect 
my  son.  Now  begone,  woman!  If  you  are  in  need  of  help, 
I  will  help  you.  If  you  are  without  a  home,  I  will  see* that 
you  have  one.  I  shall  allow  my  husband  no  private  inter 
view  with  you;  do  not  seek  it,  for  I  shall  foil  you  in  every 
attempt." 

Kate  opened  the  door,  and  with  an  imperious  "  Begone, 
woman!"  looked  her  out  of  the  drawing-room  through  the 
hall,  and  out  of  the  street  door,  without  once  removing  her 
brown  eyes — that  were  as  black  as  night — from  the  face  of 
this  woman.  Kate  walked  slowly  back  to  regain  her  natural 
composure.  When  she  entered  the  drawing-room  again,  you 
could  not  have  told  that  anything  unusual  had  happened. 

Tom  sat  in  the  same  position  the  two  women  had  left  him 
in.  His  lips  were  white,  and  his  cheeks  a  shade  or  so 
paler.  Kate  sat  down  in  the  same  chair,  picked  up  a  daily 
paper,  and  began  reading.  She  resolved  to  let  Tom  quietly 


220  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

alone.  If  he  saw  fit  to  make  any  explanation,  she  was  there 
to  receive  it;  if  not,  she  should  not  ask  him  for  one.  Tom 
waited  to  be  asked  questions,  but  no  one  asked  any.  He 
had  not  arranged  any  answers  in  his  mind,  but  he  expected 
the  questions.  It  is  thought  cowardly  to  strike  a  man  when 
he  is  down,  and  there  are  a  few  women  too  innately  noble 
to  use  weapons  against  a  poor  defenseless  man.  Kate 
Glewer  was  one  of  these.  After  half  an  hour  had  gone  by, 
Tom  ventured  to  ask  where  George  was.  He  was  informed 
that  George  was  spending  the  evening  at  Miss  Busy's. 
Kate  read  a  few  moments  longer,  then  went  about  the 
house,  attending  to  different  little  things,  until  George  re 
turned;  then  she  laughed  and  chatted  with  the  boy,  asking 
him  questions  about  Miss  Busy,  Madame  Junk,  Sternna, 
and  others.  Then  she  asked  him  about  his  lessons  for  the 
next  day;  had  him  bring  out  his  school-books,  and  show  her 
how  far  along  he  was.  Then  it  was  time  to  go  to  bed.  She 
kissed  him  on  both  cheeks.  The  boy  walked  over  to  his 
father,  and  gave  him  his  good-night  kiss. 

"Good  night/'  said  Tom,  hurriedly. 

How  Tom  did  wish  Kate  would  ask  him  questions.  He 
wishfed  she  would  get  mad  and  give  him  a  blowing-up;  any 
thing  but  so  much  serenity;  so  much  nobility  was  ruinous 
to  Tom's  feelings.  Torn  wondered  how  that  old  dragon 
came  to  think  that  George  was  her  boy  or  his  boy.  Kate 
talked  to  the  woman  as  if  she  thought  he  had  been  father 
to  a  boy,  and  George  was  the  one.  He  wondered  if  Kate 
thought  so,  and  what  she  knew  about  it  any  way.  Tom 
thought  she  must  be  a  wonderful  woman,  to  know  so  much 
and  be  so  generous. 

Tom  did  not  sleep  much  that  night;  he  was  afraid  Kate 
was  losing  her  reason.  Whoever  heard  of  a  wife  acting  as 
she  had  done  in  this  case  ?  There  was  something  unnatu 
ral  about  it;  perhaps  she  meditated  suicide.  The  thought 
was  pardonable.  She  is  sleeping  as  sweetly  as  a  child. 
"Why  should  she  not?  she  has  wronged  no  one;  she  has 


tfE    WAS    "WAY    UP"    IN    GOODNESS.  221 

deceived  no  one;  her  life  has  been  upright  and  straight 
forward.  There  is  nothing  in  her  past  life  that  will  not 
bear  the  light  of  day,  and  her  reward  is  a  clear  conscience — 
a  good  thing  to  sleep  on. 

When  Miss  Busy  received  notice  that  the  Senator,  *Mr. 
Stanly  and  Carrie  would  pay  them  a  visit,  everything  in 
her  house  was  made  to  wear  a  holiday  appearance,  herself 
not  excepted.  Sternna  gathered  fresh  flowers  for  all  the 
vases,  and  while  performing  this  pleasant  task,  her  mind 
was  on  Mr.  Stanly.  Indeed,  he  had  not  been  out  of  her 
mind  since  that  evening.  She  wondered  what  he  would 
say  to  her  paintings.  Cogitate,  my  little  busy  bird.  There 
are  brighter  days  in  store  for  you.  You  shall  spread  your 
wings  and  fly  away.  You  shall  twinkle  as  a  bright  star  in 
the  firmament.  You  shall  light  up  the  pages  of  history  yet 
to  come. 

Meanwhile,  what  are  the  thoughts  of  our  benevolent  Sen 
ator?  If  he  is  not  "  way  up,"  as  the  term  goes  in  classics, 
he  had  a  heart  that  was  "  way  up"  in  delicate,  well-timed 
benevolence.  Now  the  Senator  was  going  to  do  a  hand 
some  thing — not  to  get  his  name  in  the  papers,  or  show  off; 
not  for  any  sort  of  private  speculation;  but  just  a  tribute 
due  to  sensitiveness.  He  was  going  to  pretend  to  be  so  much 
in  love  with  Sternna's  pictures.  He  would  play  it  so  well  that 
even  Mr.  Stanly  and  Carrie  should  not  guess  he  was  sham 
ming.  He  would  buy  every  one  of  them  at  his  own  price, 
and  that  should  be  a  fabulous  one.  The  girl  had  brains 
and  should  go  to  Europe  on  her  own  means.  The  Senator 
was  not  much  on  religion  as  it  is  commonly  understood; 
but  he  went  in  for  supporting  brains.  Senator  Smith  was 
not  doing  good  because  he  did  not  know  what  to  do  with 
his  money.  It  was  innate — it  was  a  boyhood  trait.  For 
you,  Senator  Smith,  shall  be  erected  a  monument,  and,  if 
we  have  our  way,  a  statue  too.  On  the  monument  shall  be 
written  a  fitting  epigram  telling  the  world  of  your  good 
ness. 


222  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

When  the  Senator  reads  this  we  hope  he  will  not  think 
we  are  anxious  to  erect  said  monument.  "We  hope  he  may 
live  many  long  years,  and  through  his  money  and  influence 
bring  several  hundred  tons  of  brains  into  the  market. 

Between  the  Senator  and  Joel  there  was  a  noiseless  friend 
ship,  silent  and  deep — silent,  because  it  was  deep.  The 
Senator  never  paid  Joel  marked  attention,  yet  Joel  knew 
he  loved  him,  even  as  a  father  might  love  a  son.  Not  one 
move  of  Joel's  life  was  unknown  to  the  Senator — not  one 
move  that  did  not  interest  him.  Quietly,  indirectly,  and 
with  the  utmost  delicacy,  did  he  open  avenues  for  Joel's 
education.  The  Senator  said  the  boy  had  brains,  and  they 
must  be  placed  where  they  could  work.  In  short,  he  was 
the  grand  old  pilot  who  guided  Joel's  ship  clear  of  the 
quicksands  and  rocky  shoals  that  loom  up  from  youth  to 
manhood. 

Madame  Junk,  some  time  since,  had  left  her  small  room 
and  taken  up  her  residence  with  Miss  Sally  Busy.  There 
were  a  hundred  and  one  things  she  could  do  to  make  her 
self  useful.  She  took  care  of  the  table  linen,  looked  after 
the  dining-room,  and  selected  the  joint  for  dinner.  If  there 
was  anything  Miss  Busy  was  more  particular  about  than 
another,  it  was  in  having  a  fine  joint.  No  one  in  the  world 
could  do  the  marketing  so  cheap  as  Madame  Junk.  She 
affirmed  it  was  a  great  mistake  for  a  body  to  put  on  their 
best  dress  to  go  to  market  in;  for  when  a  butcher  saw  a 
lady  well  dressed  he  would  tuck  on  the  prices.  In  this  way 
Madame  Junk  was  a  desirable  appendage  to  Miss  Busy's 
house. 

Samuel  is  a  little  better;  but  Betsy  is  in  a  fearful  condition. 
She  dreams  of  pins,  and,  as  for  the  haversack,  there  is  scarce 
a  night  it  don't  walk  up  to  the  bed  on  a  terrific  pair  of  long 
legs,  open  its  capacious  jaws,  and  scream,  "  Pack  up  my 
clothes,  you  dragon!"  and  Betsy  starts  out  of  her  sleep  to 
find  it  all  a  dream.  The  haversack  was  all  very  well  in  the 
war,  and  we  respect  it  for  past  services;  but  when  it  is  used 


NO    HUE    AND    CRY   FOR    HIM.  223 

to  frighten  timid  women  half  to  death,  we  consider  it  out  of 
place.  Madame  Junk  had  many  and  oft  times  expostulated 
with  Samuel  for  using  the  haversack  so  often.  It  had  be 
come  a  part  and  parcel  of  him;  and  we  have  no  doubt  that 
when  he  gets  to  heaven,  if  the  household  is  not  conducted 
after  his  express  notions,  he  will  shake  the  haversack  in  the 
faces  of  the  angels,  and  threaten  to  depart. 

Miss  Busy  actually  looked  two  years  younger;  and  what 
woman  past  forty  does  not  desire  to  look  two  years  younger? 
Mr.  Stanly  had  called  more  than  once,  and  there  is  no  telling 
what  the  result  may  be.  It  was  settled  that  Sternna  should 
go  to  Europe  with  the  Senator's  daughter.  Senator  Smith 
had  divined  her  nature  accurately;  hence  his  flank  move 
ment  in  purchasing  the  pictures.  Sternna  was  not  so  dull 
that  she  did  not  comprehend  the  situation,  and  in  her  heart 
most  truly  appreciate  it.  Madame  Junk  also  comprehended 
the  whole  thing.  Privately  she  expressed  her  opinion  to 
Miss  Busy  in  regard  to  the  Senator's  goodness  of  heart. 
The  Senator  always  spoke  of  Sternna  as  Cinderella;  he  re 
membered  how  she  reminded  him  of  Cinderella  the  first  time 
he  saw  her,  and  Cinderella  was  not  to  be  made  dependent. 
If  Miss  Busy  and  Madame  Junk  exchanged  significant  looks 
in  regard  to  the  relative  worth  of  Sternna's  drawings  and 
paintings,  these  ladies  were  told  by  the  Senator  they  need 
not  set  up  a  hue  and  cry;  he  knew  something  about  the  worth 
of  such  things.  Then  he  would  cite  numerous  instances 
where  twice  as  much  had  been  paid  for  pictures  not  half  as 
good.  He  should  consider  himself  very  small  to  take  ad 
vantage  of  a  young  girl,  and  all  that;  he  must  allow  his  sense 
of  right  to  fix  terms  altogether  square.  After  getting  up  a 
great  amount  of  false  steam,  Sternna  walked  up  to  him,  and, 
placing  a  hand  on  each  shoulder,  looked  up  into  his  face, 
and  said: 

"  Senator  Smith,  you  are  kind;  you  are  very  kind.  These 
pictures  are  not  worth  all  this  money."  One  moment  her 
expressive  eyes  drooped  beneath  their  lashes.  Again  she 


224  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

raised  them;  this  time  with  confidence,  and  the  assurance  of 
future  success  written  all  over  her  face.  "If  you  can  wait  a 
few  years,  I  will  give  you  something  that  shall  be  worthy  of 
your  admiration.  This  is  all  rubbish.  You  are  trying  to 
please  me,  and  I  love  you  for  it.  I  will  take  your  money, 
Senator,  but  shall  pay  you  back  with  interest.  These  pic 
tures  are  yours;  but  do  me  the  favor  not  to  look  at  them 
again  in  five  years.  Place  them  then  beside  others  I  have 
painted,  and  see  if  Sternna  keeps  her  word.  My  word  is  all 
I  can  give  you  for  your  great  goodness  to  me.  My  promise 
to  study,  and  do  all  I  can  to  make  myself  what  you  and 
Came  and  all  my  friends  wish  me  to  be,  is  all  I  can  give 
you  now."  Her  hands  slid  down  from  his  shoulders,  her 
eyes  drooped,  and  she  walked  away. 

The  Senator  gave  his  nose  a  malicious  rubbing,  as  if  that 
member  had  been  guilty  of  poking  in  where  it  had  no  busi 
ness,  and  as  if  it  were  entirely  to  blame  for  that  child's  read 
ing  his  humane  heart. 

"  What  is  George  moping  about?"  said  Tom  Glewer  to 
Kate,  the  day  after  it  was  announced  that  Sternna  would 
go  to  Europe  with  the  Senator's  daughter. 

"  I  suppose  he  feels  sad,"  replied  the  wife. 

"  What  the  devil  has  such  a  youngster  to  feel  sad  about?" 

"  Sternna  and  Carrie  Smith  start  for  Europe  next  week; 
they  were  always  so  kind  to  him;  they  paid  him  more  atten 
tion  than  any  one  else  has  ever  clone." 

"  Heavens  and  earth!  don't  the  boy  have  enough  to  eat, 
and  good  clothes  to  wear,  and  a  better  home  than  half  the 
children  in  the  world  ?  You  speak  as  if  he  were  a  street 
Arab  to  whom  these  young  misses  had  given  a  meal  of 
victuals." 

Kate  knew  how  useless  it  was  to  explain  that  there  were 
other  things  necessary  for  some  people  besides  something 
to  eat  and  drink.  As  we  have  told  you,  Tom's  heart  lay  in 
the  pit  of  his  stomach,  and  you  must  keep  the  stomach  full 
in  order  to  touch  the  heart. 


THE    PARTING.  225 

Again  Joel  is  seated  in  the  very  room  in  which  he  first 
saw  Carrie.  They  have  both  changed.  Joel  has  changed 
his  gloves;  he  wears  better-fitting  ones  now.  They  are 
alone,  and  seem  to  be  very  unsociable.  Neither  of  them 
seems  to  have  anything  to  say,  and  yet  we  mistrust  there 
was  much  that  each  would  have  been  glad  to  say. 

"  Are  you  pleased  to  go,  Carrie  ?" 

"  Yes."  (Another  pause.)  "Would  you  like  me  to  write 
to  you?"  said  Carrie. 

Foolish  Carrie !  Where  is  there  a  young  gentleman  in  all 
the  world  who  would  not  like  to  have  a  beautiful  young 
lady  write  to  him?  Joel  colored;  he  looked  confused;  his 
heart  was  evidently  too  full  for  utterance.  There  was  a 
long  silence. 

"  I  do  not  wish  to  write  to  those  who  do  not  care  for  me 
or  my  letters;  besides,  your  time  will  be  so  much  taken  up 
you  will  not  think  of  me." 

"  Carrie,  will  you  please  write  to  me  ?"  and  Joel  arose  and 
stepped  before  the  maiden.  "-It  will  be  the  most  powerful 
incentive  for  me  to  toil  for  fame;  it  will  cheer  me  on  the 
road  that  is  doomed  to  be  lonely.  Your  letters  will  be  to 
me  what  you  can  never  dream;  they  will  be  my  company, 
and  what  the  world  may  never  know." 

Carrie  arose  and  held  out  both  hands  to  Joel.  "  Why, 
Joel,  you  do  not  speak  like  yourself." 

"  It  is  myself,  but  not  all  of  me." 

"Joel,  I  shall  write  to  you  often." 

"What  do  call  of  ten?" 

"  Every  week." 

"  Certainly,  she  will  write  often,"  said  the  Senator,  step 
ping  in;  "  and  if  she  don't  I  shall,  and  when  I  get  your 
letters  I  will  not  read  one  word  to  her,  if  she  is  so  unworthy 
as  not  to  write  to  you.  I  have  never  been  guilty  of  leaving 
a  friend  out  in  the  cold,  and  don't  think  I  shall  begin  now," 
said  the  Senator,  crossing  his  hands  under  his  coat-skirts 
and  walking  up  and  down  the  room. 
15 


226  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"  Joel,  you  will  go  on  with  the  study  of  law  at  the  Uni 
versity,  will  you  not?" 

"Most  assuredly.  I  have  never  thought  of  taking  up 
anything  else." 

"  That  is  right;  stick  to  it,  be  determined  and  resolute, 
and  you  can  count  on  me  to  stand  by  your  side  in  any 
emergency.  Not  that  I  anticipate  you  will  meet  with  emer 
gencies;  but  if  you  should,  it  is  sort  of  comfortable  to  feel 
you  have  a  friend  who  will  not  fail  you  in  your  hour  of 
need." 

"  I  wish  I  could  do  something  to  deserve  such  a  friend/' 

' '  Poh !  poh !  Any  one  is  deserving  of  friends  who  does 
the  square  thing  in  a  general  way." 

"  Senator  Smith,  I  have  never  expressed  my  gratitude  to 
you." 

"  There,  there,  boy;  don't  get  sentimental.  I  think  you 
have  always  understood  me." 

"Yes,  Sir." 

"You  have  always  understood  how  I  felt  toward  you. 
Did  Mr.  Spludge  understand  you,  too?"  said  the  Senator, 
with  a  droll  expression  on  his  face. 

"  I  think  you  are  a  better  judge  of  that  than  I  am,"  said 
Joel,  evading  the  question. 

"Well,  it  is  hard  to  find  those  who  suit  us  in  every 
regard,"  drawled  the  Senator,  giving  his  coat-skirts  an 
extra  boost,  and  walking  up  to  Joel.  "I  think  I  will  say 
good-by  for  the  present.  You  will  hear  from  me.  Go  on 
as  you  have  begun,  and  you  are  all  right;  but  mind,  don't 
get  so  *  nifty '  you  won't  allow  an  old  friend  to  come  near 
you.  Do  you  understand  ?" 

"No,  Sir;  not  clearly." 

"Well,  then,  if  I  should  see  the  necessity  of  helping  you, 
don't  act  bad,  and  say  you  have  not  earned  it."  The  Sen 
ator  grasped  Joel's  hand.  "Joel,  you  have  always  elevated 
your  nose  on  that  question;  and  from  what  I  know  about 
you,  it  began  from  the  time  you  were  born.  Now  that  is 


DON  T   GET   NIFTY.  22 7 

all  very  well,  generally  speaking;  you  may  do  that  as  much 
as  you  like  with  outsiders;  but  you  can't  come  it  on  me. 
I'm  another  institution,  and,  mind  you,  I  will  be  obeyed. 
A  little  while  ago  you  began  prating  about  your  gratitude; 
now  I  am  going  to  give  you  a  chance  to  show  it. "  And  he 
shoved  a  card  into  Joel's  hand.  "  I  have  made  arrange 
ments  with  that  firm  for  you  to  draw  whatever  you  need. 
I  can  soon  tell  if  you  care  anything  for  me  or  not.  If  you 
don't  draw  anything,  I  shall  know  this  talk  about  gratitude 
is  all  bosh.  Don't  go  fiddling  around,  losing  your  time 
and  strength  in  trying  to  earn  a  stray  penny.  If  you  wish 
to  show  gratitude  to  me,  place  your  entire  force  upon  your 
studies;  bend  every  energy  to  the  one  object;  attain  a  pro 
fession  that  shall  make  you  world  renowned.  You  have 
the  element  within  you;  and  if  you  will  mind  me,  you  shall 
not  only  take  your  place  among  men,  but  above  them. 
You've  got  brains;  and  what  is  a  man  without  brains? 
You  need  not  look  so  woe-begone.  I  expect  you  will  pay 
every  dollar  back  again.  You  can  do  it,  Joe,  if  you  try; 
all  you  want  is  determination;  and  I  never  thought  you 
were  lacking  in  that.  Good-by,  Joe.  Carrie !  Carrie  ! 
"Where  are  you?  Come  here."  And  Carrie  emerged  from 
an  alcove  in  the  further  end  of  the  room,  as  her  father  was 
wiping  his  nose,  and  flourishing  a  large  handkerchief,  as 
if  he  were  in  a  dreadful  state  of  perspiration.  When  his 
back  was  safely  turned  toward  Joel,  he  placed  his  handker 
chief  in  his  pocket,  opened  the  door  quickly,  closed  it 
softly,  leaving  the  young  people  alone. 

"You  will  do  what  papa  wishes,  will  you  not?"  said 
Carrie,  hesitatingly.  Joel's  face  seemed  swollen;  he  dare 
not  trust  himself  to  speak.  "It  will  make  me  very  happy 
if  you  mind  papa;  he  is  very  good,  and  all  he  does  is  for 
your  good." 

Still  no  answer.  The  girl  glided  to  his  side;  she  touched 
his  hand  and  softly  said : 

"Joel,  don't  look  so.     Has  papa  wounded  you?" 


228  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

The  boy  turned  his  face  and  looked  down  into  the  eyes 
of  the  girl. 

"I  do  not  know  what  your  papa  has  done  to  me.  It 
may  be  years  before  I  learn  the  words  to  tell.  I  do  not 
know  them  now;  and  if  I  knew  every  word,  in  every  tongue 
in  all  the  world,  I  do  not  know  that  I  could  tell  what 
your  father  has  done  to  me." 

"  Not  bad,  Joel;  papa  could  not  do  bad  to  you." 

" "Who  said  bad?"  replied  the  boy  in  a  vexed  tone.  "Is 
not  too  much  good  more  overpowering  than  too  much  bad? 
I  have  known  both,  and  cannot  say  which  makes  me  suffer 
most.  One  thing  I  know:  too  much  good  bestowed  upon 
me  makes  me  feel  the  smallest." 

"Believe  me,  and  trust  papa." 

"I  have  not  even  a  name  that  is  my  own.  I  have  no 
friends  or  home." 

"  Joel,  do  not  say  that  again,  or  I  shall  be  angry  with 

you." 

"  If  you  understand  me,  you  will  not.  You  have  friends, 
and  will  have  more.  You  have  a  name,  and  the  world  will 
bow  in  respectful  homage  before  you,  while  they  will  tell 
me  I  was  a  beggar,  and  of  such  obscure  birth  I  did  not  know 
my  own  origin." 

"Who  would  dare  to  do  that  when  I  am  by?"  and  the 
girl's  eyes  brightened. 

Again  Joel  turned,  and,  looking  down  into  those  eyes  that 
were  flashing  his  defense,  this  time  he  smiled. 

"  Carrie,  you  will  not  be  ever  with  me,  standing  as  a 
guardian  angel  to  protect  me  with  your  purity." 

"  Why?"  asked  the  girl,  naively. 

"Because—" 

"  Because  what  ?" 

"  Because  your  walk  and  mine  will  be  on  separate  roads; 
because  you  will  marry  some  man  in  your  own  circle,  and 
your  husband  would  not  be  likely  to  allow  you  to  be  forever 
defending  poor  Joe  Junk." 


I    SHALL   FEEL    I    HAVE    LOST   MY   WAY.        2 29 

"  I  don't  care  what  my  husband  would  or  would  not  do; 
I  shall  always  stand  by  you,  and  be  your  best  friend,  except 
papa.  I  don't  intend  to  marry  at  all;  but  if  I  should,  my 
husband  will  learn  better  than  to  interfere  between  you  and 
me." 

Joel's  face  relapsed  again  into  its  old  sad  expression. 

"  I  don't  know  what  you  mean  by  talking  about  my  circle. 
Don't  you  belong  to  my  circle  ?" 

"No." 

." Don't  you  love  me?  don't  you  care  for  me?  Are  you 
not  papa's  friend  and  mine?  I  thought  one's  friends  always 
belonged  to  the  same  circle." 

"  Oh,  we  may  befriend  a  beggar;  but  he  is  not  our 
equal." 

"  How  do  you  know  he  is  not  our  equal  ?  If  he  is  just  as 
good  morally,  if  he  does  right,  and  knows  as  much,  he  is 
our  equal,  and  papa  thinks  so  too.  Papa  would  not  care 
who  he  was,  only  so  that  he  had  brains.  Joel,  I  have  some 
thing  so  pleasant  to  tell  you.  Sternna  is  to  accompany  us 
to  Europe.  She  will  study  there,  and  become  a  great 
artist." 

"  I  saw  Sternna  last  evening.  She  talked  to  me  a  long 
time  about  you  and  your  father;  she,  too,  feels  she  can  never 
repay  so  much  kindness." 

"  There,  you  are  off  again  on  that  subject.  I  thought  to 
change  it.  I  am  the  one  who  is  under  obligations  to  Sternna. 
"We  shall  both  write  you  such  long  letters;  we  shall  tell  you 
everything  we  see  and  hear,"  said  the  girl,  playfully. 

' '  It  will  be  a  lonely  time  for  mother  and  Miss  Busy,  aftef 
you  are  gone." 

"  "Will  no  one  else  feel  lonely?"  asked  the  girl,  in  a  re 
proving  tone. 

"Yes,  I  shall  feel  something  more- than  lonely." 

"What  more?" 

"  I  shall  feel  a  stranger  in  my  own  country.  I  shall  feel 
I  have  lost  my  way;  I  shall  feel  like  one  alone  upon  a 
desert  without  a  guide." 


230  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"  Joel,  you  will  not  be  alone/'  said  the  girl,  soothingly. 
"  My  thoughts  will  be  with  you.  Every  night  I  will  kneel 
down,  and  ask  God  to  guard,  protect,  and  cheer  you.  I 
know  God  will  answer  my  prayers,  and  you  will  be 
blessed/' 

Joel  arose  from  the  divan,  where  he  had  been  seated  be 
side  Carrie,  and  moved  toward  the  door  without  looking 
around.  When  he  did  so,  it  was  with  a  quick  movement  of 
the  head.  He  said,  "  Good-by,  Carrie;  good-by,  good-by!" 
and  was  gone.  It  was  an  abrupt  leave-taking;  but  it  was 
the  best  he  could  offer  under  the  circumstances. 


CHAPTER    XXIX. 

GOOD-BY  i— HAVERSACK  SCENE— SCUDDING  BEFORE 
THE  STORM— DIFFERENCES. 

MADAME  JUNK  had  not  taken  her  thimble  off  her 
finger  for  more  than  a  week.  If  she  did  not  sleep 
with  it  on,  she  placed  it  near  the  head  of  the  bed,  so  that 
she  could  slide  it  on  the  first  thing  in  the  morning.  All  was 
bustle  and  confusion:  all  of  Sternna's  wardrobe  must  be 
turned  inside  out  and  upside  down,  and  made  to  wear  as 
respectable  an  appearance  as  possible.  Miss  Busy  cut  and 
contrived,  for  both  of  these  good  women  declared  that 
Sternna  must  husband  every  dollar  for  her  profession.  Two 
gentlemen  stood  by,  and  watched  the  manoeuvring  of  these 
good  dames,  and  would  gladly  have  relieved  them  of  their 
labor  and  anxiety;  but  the  bread  of  independence  is  a  sweet 
morsel,  and  let  those  eat  of  it  who  have  strength  and  energy 
to  do  so. 

It  will  be  necessary  for  us  to  make  a  little  better  time,  or 
we  shall  not  get  our  friends  to  Europe.  So,  dear  lady 
friends,  pardon  us  if  we  do  not  go  into  the  minute  details 
of  preparation.  Of  course,  when  the  time  for  departure 
arrives,  we  shall  not  omit  the  pocket  handkerchiefs  whose 
last  washing  will  be  in  salt  water. 

There  was  a  little  knot  of  people  gathered  in  the  waiting- 
room  at  the  depot.  Madame  Junk's  tall  form  was  the  cen 
tral  figure;  she  was  speaking  in  a  low  tone  to  Sternna.  The 
girl's  eyes  were  red  from  weeping.  She  was  parting  from 
the  first  friend  she  ever  had,  at  least  she  was  the  first  she 
could  remember.  Miss  Busy  was  quiet;  she  had  given  vent 
to  her  feelings  before  she  started.  Miss  Busy  took  Sternna 


232  MADAME    JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

in  her  arms,  kissed  her  again  and  again,  told  her  to  be  dili 
gent,  and,  above  all,  to  write  frequently.  Madame  Junk 
held  her  hand  over  the  girl's  head,  and  with  closed  eyes  she 
silently  invoked  the  blessing  of  God  and  the  angels  upon 
the  girl;  she  kissed  her,  quietly  pressed  her  hand,  looked 
into  her  eyes,  and  said,  "  Good-by,  dear,"  but  did  not  ask 
her  to  write. 

The  engine  is  whistling,  the  conductor  is  shouting,  the 
passengers  are  scrambling  up  the  steps,  the  train  is  moving, 
the  hands  are  waving,  the  train  is  out  of  sight,  and  our 
two  benevolent  dames  stand  alone  and  echo  the  words, 
"  They  have  gone."  Arm-in-arm  the  two  walk  away;  Miss 
Busy  to  renew  the  duties  of  her  school,  and  Madame  Junk 
as  private  watchman  or  general  overseer. 

"  So  the  girls  'ave  gone,"  said  Samuel  Blower  to  his  wife 
Betsy,  next  morning.  "Well,  I  'ope  she  will  do  well;  she 
was  always  a  bright  little  thing.  Where  did  Jane  get  'er?" 

' '  I  have  told  you  a  hundred  times  where  Jane  got  her, 
and  all  I  know  about  it." 

"Well,  you  need  not  snap  up  so;  it  is  a  civil  question." 

"  I  know  one  thing:  Jane  is  distinguishing  herself  every 
day,"  said  Betsy;  "she  is  just  as  thick  as  hops  with  the 
Senator's  family,  and  everybody  notices  her  and  thinks  she 
is  a  wonderful  woman.  I  might  have  been  the  same  had  I 
not  been  such  a  goose  as  to  marry  one  totally  unfit  to  min 
gle  with  the  descendants  of  Oliver  Cromwell." 

"  Holiver  Devil!"  shouted  Samuel,  in  tones  of  rage. 
"You  are  a  goose  that  played  sweet  on  me  till  you  caught 
me,  and  Hi  'avent  'card  hany thing  but  Holiver  Cromwell 
hever  since.  Hi  wish  to  God  'is  ghost  would  appear  and 
tell  you  to  'old  your  tongue." 

"Do  you  think  Oliver  Cromwell's  ghost  would  come 
where  you  are?" 

"  'E's  called  hoften;  hit's  no  use  for  you  to  say  you  could 
hever  be  like  Jane  is,  for  that  is  not  in  the  books.  To  be 
gin  with,  you  are  not  so  smart;  and  talk  about  goodness, 


AN    UNPLEASANT   CALL.  233 

Jane  'as  more  goodness  hin  the  hend  of  'er  little  finger  than 
you  'ave  hin  your  'ole  body." 

This  last  thrust  capped  the  climax,  and  Betsy  declared 
she  would  not  live  with  a  man  who  would  use  such  lan 
guage.  Samuel  flew  to  the  closet  after  his  haversack,  up 
setting  chairs  and  tables  in  his  haste.  It  ended  as  usual, 
by  Betsy  going  to  bed  with  a  sick  headache  and  Samuel 
going  down  town. 

Tom  Glewer  waited  in  vain  for  Kate  to  speak  to  him 
about  the  woman,  who  was  not  even  hinted  at,  much  less 
spoken  of.  Kate  redoubled  her  efforts  to  advance  George. 
She  visited  libraries  with  him,  and  talked  of  this  author  and 
that.  The  mental  foundation  of  the  boy  was  not  strong 
enough  to  build  a  large  structure  on;  but  Kate  resolved  she 
would  erect  an  edifice  sufficiently  large  for  the  boy  to  live 
comfortable  in  when  he  should  have  arrived  at  man's  estate. 
A  week  had  passed  and  nothing  more  was  heard  of  the 
woman.  Tom  would  not  ask  his  wife  if  this  woman  had 
called  again,  although  he  wanted  to  know  very  much.  Tom 
could  not  understand  his  wife's  silence.  Did  she  meditate 
leaving  him?  Nothing  of  the  sort,  Tom;  you  should  know 
better,  after  her  defense  of  you. 

One  morning,  as  Kate  sat  in  her  low  rocker,  looking 
down  the  walk,  she  saw  this  woman  coming  up.  The  woman 
rang  and  Kate  opened  the  door. 

"  Good  morning!"  said  Kate. 

"  Good  morning!"  returned  the  woman. 

"What  do  you  want?" 

"  I  want  to  speak  with  you." 

"  Step  in." 

The  woman  entered  and  sat  down  upon  a  chair  which 
Kate  motioned  to.  She  peered  all  around  the  room,  leaned 
forward  and  looked  into  a  doorway  that  led  into  an  adjoin 
ing  room. 

"  Where  is  the  boy?"  she  said,  at  last. 

"  My  son  is  in  school,"  returned  Kate. 


234  MADAME   JANE   JUNK    AND    JOE. 

"  You  call  him  your  son,  do  you?" 

"I  do." 

"  But  I  gave  birth  to  him." 

"  Maybe,"  said  Kate.  "  I  have  no  proof  of  it.  Even  if 
you  did,  the  law  has  given  him  to  me,  and  I  intend  to  hold 
my  own.  True,  I  did  not  give  birth  to  this  boy.  I  thank 
God  I  did  not,"  said  Kate,  in  a  low  tone  to  herself.  "Who 
ever  his  mother  is,  she  is  an  unnatural  one,  and  wholly 
unworthy  to  be  blessed  with  offspring." 

"  How  about  the  father?"  asked  the  woman. 

"  The  father  may  not  be  wholly  blameless;  from  a  mother 
we  expect  more.  We  expect  the  mother  to  nurture  the  being 
to  whom  she  has  given  life.  My  son  was  abandoned  by  his 
natural  mother  when  an  infant.  I  have  brought  him  up 
thus  far,  and  I  intend,  if  God  spares  my  life,  to  finish  the 
task  as  best  I  can." 

"  You  have  a  selfish  reason  for  doing  it.  Your  husband 
is  the  father  of  that  boy." 

"  Then,  if  that  be  so,  I  am  under  more  obligation  to  rear 
him,  so  that  he  may  be  a  credit  to  his  father." 

The  woman  sat  in  thoughtful  mood.  WThat  a  mysterious 
character  was  Kate  to  her!  She  could  not  comprehend  a 
woman  who  could  take  such  a  position;  she  had  never  seen 
one,  had  never  heard  of  one,  and  had  never  read  of  one. 
She  expected  to  make  a  great  domestic  brawl;  expected  the 
wife  would  be  jealous  and  suffer  something  she  herself  had 
suffered.  She  was  wholly  nonplused  by  Kate's  cool,  im 
penetrable  way. 

"  Suppose  I  tell  what  I  know  about  your  husband?" 

"Suppose  you  do." 

"It  will  make  a  great  blow,  and  disgrace  you/' 

"Do  you  think  so?" 

"I  could  keep  still  if  I  had  anything  to  make  it  worth 
while." 

Kate  looked  the  woman  from  head  to  foot.  The  scorn 
that  shot  up  into  her  eyes  made  the  creature  wince.  Kate 


NOT   TO    BE    FRIGHTENED.  235 

leaned  forward  in  her  chair,  fastened  her  eyes  on  the 
woman's  cowering  face,  and  said: 

"Look  up!  Look  up  into  my  face;"  and  in  slow,  meas 
ured  words,  she  said:  "You  will  never  receive  one  dime, 
not  even  a  crumb  of  bread,  to  keep  any  secret  you  hold  in 
regard  to  my  husband's  past  life.  Do  you  know,  woman, 
that  when  a  wife  stands  truly  and  firmly  by  her  husband's 
side,  the  world  will  stand  there  too.  Go  on,  now;  do  your 
worst,  and  I  will  foil  you  at  every  step.  I  will  denounce 
you,  and  you  will  be  looked  upon  for  what  you  are." 

"But/'  said  the  woman,  making  a  show  to  regain  her 
bravado;  "would  you  like  to  have  the  world  know  that  the 
boy  is  illegitimate  ?" 

"  Yes,  if  you  wish  it  so." 

"Have  you  no  shame  in  the  matter?"  said  the  woman. 

"  What  have  I  done  to  be  ashamed  of?" 

"  Have  you  no  feeling  for  the  boy  ?  It  would  disgrace 
him." 

"  I  will  take  care  of  that." 

"  It  will  disgrace  your  husband." 

"Have  I  not  told  you  I  will  defend  him?  And  the  world 
very  easily  forgets  a  youthful  indiscretion  in  a  man." 

"  But  never  in  a  woman,"  said  the  woman  bitterly. 

"  That  depends  altogether  upon  her  repentance;  or  at 
least  it  does  with  me.  Had  you  come  to  me  in  the  right 
spirit,  you  could  have  made  me  your  friend." 

"  So  you  will  give  me  nothing  to  keep  still?" 

"  I  may  give  you  a  cell  in  the  county  jail,  but  nothing 
more." 

"  Look  out  for  me;  I  will  yet  cripple  you.  I  will  bring 
you  down  from  your  high  perch.  You  would  not  speak  so 
confident  if  you  knew  what  you  were  talking  about." 

"No  more  threats,"  said  Kate;  "  or  I  will  show  you  no 
mercy.  Never  come  here  again.  I  am  not  to  be  intimi 
dated  in  any  form." 

The  woman  passed  out  of  the  door,  giving  Kate  a  look  of 


236  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

deadly  hate.  She  had  "  reckoned  without  her  host,"  and 
had  found  in  this  quiet  Yankee  woman  a  nature  she  had 
not  counted  on.  She  had  come  a  long  distance  to  make  a 
disturbance  in  this  home,  and  found  at  the  helm  a  sturdy 
captain,  who  was  master  of  the  situation.  She  found  a 
woman  who  took  a  position  that  she  deemed  right,  and 
maintained  it  with  an  indomitable  will  that  would  put 
cowards  to  flight.  Here  was  a  woman  that  Tom  had  ruled 
in  one  way  and  another  ever  since  he  had  been  married  to 
her.  Here  was  a  woman  who  had  been  weighed  and  was 
not  found  wanting. 

That  night,  after  George  had  retired,  and  there  was  no 
one  present  except  Tom,  Kate,  and  the  cat,  who  was  sleep 
ing  soundly  on  a  hearth-rug,  and  not  likely  to  divulge  any 
family  secrets  that  may  be  spoken  of,  Kate  said : 
"  Tom,  George  must  be  sent  away  to  school/' 
"  Sent  away  to  school!"  said  Tom,  a  slight  pallor  over 
spreading  his  face.  A  few  weeks  since  he  would  have  made 
all  sorts  of  objections;  he  would  have  asked  his  wife  what  a 
woman  knew  about  such  things.  Tom  did  not  reply  imme 
diately;  he  was  thinking.  "  Yes,  this  is  the  way;  let  a  woman 
find  out  a  little  thing  about  a  man,  and  she  will  use  it  to 
whip  him  with."  When  he  looked  up,  he  said,  "Where 
shall  we  send  him  ?" 

"  We  will  send  him  as  far  as  Boston." 
"  But  the  boy  can't  trail  off  there  alone." 
"  I  know  that/'  said  Kate.     "  You  must  go  with  him." 
"  Thunder  and  lightning!  that  will  be  a  great  expense." 
"  Well,  you  can  afford  it;  you  need  a  change  for  your 
health."     (We  should  have  mentioned  that  Tom's  health 
was  failing  him.)     "  I  want  you  to  start  by  to-morrow  even 
ing.     You  will  do  it,  won't  you,  Tom  ?" 

"  Well,  I  don't  know  but  what  it  would  do  my  health 
good.     It  seems  rather  soon  to  start." 

"  Not  a  bit.     I  will  see  that  your  baggage  is  in  perfect 
readiness  before  to-morrow  evening.     You  had  better  go  by 


TOM    GOES   A   JOURNEY.         %  237 

water :  a  sea  voyage  will  be  the  most  beneficial  to  your  health. 
Well,  is  it  settled  that  you  will  go  to-morrow  evening  ?" 

"  Well,  I  suppose  so/'  said  Tom,  getting  up,  and  turning 
himself  a  glass  of  water. 

"  Look  here,  Tom:  go  to  the  store  to-morrow  as  usual;  it 
is  not  necessary  to  tell  any  of  the  hands  at  the  shop  that  you 
intend  to  take  a  journey;  and,  now  I  think  of  it,  I  would  not 
speak  to  any  one  about  it.  People  are  not  expected  to  tell 
every  move  they  make/' 

It  is  high  time  the  reader  made  a  call  on  D.  D.  Spludge. 
That  gentleman  is  getting  old;  at  least,  he  looks  older  than 
there  is  any  occasion  for  a  man  to  look,  provided  said  man 
had  a  genial  disposition.  The  well-regulated  Mrs.  Spludge 
has  long  since  been  gathered  to  her  fathers;  and  we  have  a 
good  notion  to  go  and  marry  David  Delight  Spludge  to  Mrs. 
Jane  Junk,  just  to  take  the  conceit  out  of  him.  It  is  only 
our  respect  for  the  lady  that  forbids  our  making  such  a  match; 
for  Mrs.  Junk  is  too  good  for  him.  While  we  are  about  it, 
we  may  as  well  tell  that  D.  D.  Spludge's  daughter  is  greatly 
in  love  with  Joel;  and  much  as  her  father  dislikes  the  name 
of  Junk,  the  daughter  would  not  object  to  it,  provided  she 
could  have  it  for  a  lifetime.  But,  my  fair  Lilian,  there  is  no 
such  happiness  in  store  for  you. 

Joel  called  on  the  Spludges  only  as  often  as  courtesy  de 
manded.  At  such  times  Mr.  Spludge  was  polite,  asked  Joel 
a  few  questions  regarding  his  studies,  and  went  through  the 
usual  form  of  making  himself  agreeable.  The  last  time  Joel 
called,  that  gentleman  seemed  to  feel  it  was  his  duty  to  take 
Joel  to  task  on  the  church  question. 

"  I  see,  Joel,  you  do  not  attend  church  as  regularly  as 
you  did.  What  is  the  cause  of  it?" 

"  There  is  no  cause,  except  I  am  very  tired  when  Sunday 
comes,  and  I  like  to  take  a  stroll.  It  is  the  only  time  I  have." 

"  That  answer  will  avail  you  little  in  the  Judgment  Day," 
said  Mr.  Spludge,  solemnly.  "  God  will  hardly  accept  such 
an  excuse." 


238  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND   JOE. 

Joel  squared  himself  around  in  his  chair  and  rested  a 
hand  on  each  knee;  he  threw  his  head  back  and  said: 

"  Mr.  Spludge,  I  have  heard  God  slaodered  in  this  way 
ever  since  I  could  remember." 

"  Slandered!" 

"  Yes,  slandered.  Yes,  that  is  the  word,  and  none  other. 
Now  that  I  am  old  enough  to  think,  I  reverence  God  too 
much  to  sit  quietly  by  and  hear  the  Supreme  Ruler  of  the 
universe  spoken  of  in  any  such  way." 

"Explain  yourself/'  said  Mr.  Spludge,  entirely  thrown 
off  his  balance. 

(( I  wTill.  Ever  since  I  can  remember,  my  good  adopted 
mother  Junk  has  taught  me  the  only  place  where  God  could 
be  found  on  Sunday  was  in  the  church,  or  jail,  or  serving 
Him  by  doing  something  for  his  children  (as  she  calls  them). 
Your  God  may  go  to  church  on  the  Sabbath  and  listen  to  a 
dry,  musty  sermon,  built  up  from  the  narrow  ideas  of  one 
man ;  but  my  God  is  in  the  trees,  the  flowers  and  the  grass. 
My  Sabbath  sermon  comes  from  the  tiny  warbling  throats 
of  singing  birds,  the  running  brook,  the  blue  sky,  and  all 
of  God's  works.  This  is  my  church,  and  ever  wrill  be." 

Mr.  Spludge  looked  dumfounded.  If  Joel  had  been 
his  son,  he  would  have  given  him  a  good  horse-whipping, 
just  for  his  views  on  religion,  to  say  nothing  of  some  other 
advanced  ideas. 

"Well,  young  man,  do  you  expect  to  succeed  in  your 
profession  when  your  principles  become  known?" 

"I  shall  never  use  the  church  as  a  mantle  of  popularity. 
I  am  disgusted  at  the  amount  of  dirty  work  that  sinners 
call  upon  God  and  the  church  to  do  for  them." 

"  Then  you  call  it  dirty  for  a  respectable  man  to  belong 
to  a  church,  do  you?" 

"  That  depends  entirely  upon  his  motives.  If  a  man 
joins  the  church  because  it  is  the  fashion,  and  because  it 
may  help  his  business,  I  say  such  a  man  is  to  be  despised  " 

"  Do  you  know  such  ones?" 


ON    THE    ROAD    TO    DESTRUCTION.  239 

"I  do." 

"Name  them." 

"  I  do  not  feel  called  upon  to  name  them." 

' '  Then  you  think  there  are  no  honest  men  connected  with 
the  church?" 

"  I  did  not  say  that,  nor  do  I  think  it.  I  know  there  are 
good,  honest  souls  in  the  church  who  think  it  is  the  only 
way  to  worship  God." 

' '  So  you  intend  to  set  up  your  wisdom  over  a  religion 
that  has  stood  eighteen  hundred  years?" 

"  I  do  not  intend  to  set  up  my  religion  over  other  minds, 
nor  do  I  intend  they  shall  set  up  theirs  over  mine." 

"  I  am  very  much  surprised  at  your  irreverence." 

"  I  am  not  irreverent.  I  deny  the  charge.  I  reverence 
an  honest  man;  a  man  who  dares  to  act  as  he  feels.  And 
if  man  is  made  in  God's  own  image,  I  must  revere  my  God." 

"You  do  not  believe  the  Bible,  I  take  it?" 

"  I  am  not  prepared  to  answer  that  question.  I  don't 
think  I  am  old  enough  to  have  studied  it  sufficiently.  There 
are  certain  passages  I  do  not  believe." 

"  Name  them." 

"  Well,  I  do  not  believe  that  story  of  Jonah  and  the 
whale;  I  don't  believe  the  Red  Sea  ever  parted;  I  don't 
believe  the  story  of  the  loaves  and  fishes;  I  don't  believe 
the  story  of  Noah  and  the  ark." 

' '  When  you  come  to  sum  it  up,  there  is  little  you  do  be 
lieve." 

"Yes,  I  believe  all  that  will  ever  do  me  any  good.  I 
believe  in  Jesus  Christ;  I  believe  he  was  a  good  man,  and 
if  we  would  all  follow  his  example  we  should  do  better." 

"Do  you  believe  he  died  to  save  you?" 

"  No,  indeed;  he  did  not  die.  He  was  killed  by  his 
enemies.  He  left  his  teachings  for  us  to  follow;  and  those 
of  us  that  follow  them  shall  be  blessed.  This  is  my  be 
lief." 

''Young  man  you  are  on  the  road  to  destruction." 


240  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

"  But  none  can  say  I  am  sailing  under  false  colors." 

"  What  has  brought  about  this  change?" 

"  Thought." 

"  It  seems  to  me  the  want  of  thought,"  said  Mr.  Spludge. 

"Maybe;  but  I  do  not  feel  called  upon  to  credit  a 
superstitious,  unreasonable  story  because  the  majority  do." 

' '  I  will  not  allow  such  talk  in  my  house ;  calling  God 
unreasonable !" 

"  Sir!  Had  I  been  coward  enough  to  conceal  my  views, 
you  would  have  been  pleased.  I  think  we  shall  have  no 
trouble  in  the  future.  Good-day,  Sir,"  and  Joel  walked 
out  of  the  house,  and  left  Mr.  Spludge  in  a  fury. 

"Lilian!  Lilian!  Lilian!"  shouted  Mr.  Spludge,  as  he 
put  his  head  out  of  the  drawing-room  door. 

"  What  is  it,  pspa?"  said  the  girl,  coming  in. 

"  I  do  not  want  you  to  speak  to  Joel  Junk  again  while 
you  live." 

"Why,  papa?" 

"  He  is  a  scoffer  of  the  Holy  Bible.  He  does  not  accept 
it.  He  will  never  attend  church  again.  He  is  an  upstart; 
and  what  can  you  expect  from  such  an  origin  ?" 

"You  surprise  me,  papa.  Joel  is  held  in  very  high 
esteem  by  all  who  know  him." 

"Yes,  maybe;  but  they  do  not  know  him.  This  is  the 
first  time  I  ever  sounded  him  on  his  principles." 

"  There  is  not  a  person  in  the  world  with  better  princi 
ples  than  Joel/'  said  the  daughter,  with  some  of  her  father's 
spunk. 

"  How  dare  you  say  that  to  me,  when  I  tell  you  I  have 
sounded  him  on  his  principles  ?" 

"You  always  had  a  secret  dislike  for  Joel;  and  you  use 
this  because  you  have  failed  to  find  anything  else,"  said 
the  girl  saucily. 

"  Perhaps  you  think  just  as  this  ingrate  beggar  does 
about  the  Bible  ?"  stamping  and  raving  like  a  madman. 

"Yes,  I  do,"  said  the  girl,  "if  the  Bible  makes  every 


CALLING    HARD    NAMES.  241 

one  act  as  you  are  acting  now.  I  can't  see  much  good  in  a 
religion  that  makes  folks  call  hard  names.  I  don't  believe 
you  can  find  that  in  the  Bible." 

"  Who  called  hard  names?"  said  the  old  man. 

"  You  have;  you  just  called  Joel  an  ingrate  and  a  beggar." 

"  Well,  is  he  not  a  beggar?" 

"No!  He  is  a  worthy  young  man,  that  all  the  good 
folks  like." 

"  Girl,  how  dare  you  defy  me  in  this  way?  I  tell  you,  if 
I  ever  hear  of  your  speaking  to  Joel,  I  will  disinherit  you." 

"  Papa,  I  will  obey  you  in  all  things  I  know  to  be  right; 
but  never  in  anything  I  know  to  be  wrong.  If  you  are 
going  to  disinherit  me,  you  can  do  so  now;  for  I  tell  you, 
when  I  meet  Joel  I  shall  speak  to  him  as  I  always  have 
done,  and  as  I  always  shall  do.  As  long  as  Joel  treats  me 
kindly  I  shall  treat  him  the  same.  If  I  had  mamma's  spirit 
you  could  make  me  do  as  you  wished.  But  I  happen  to 
have  yours,  and  you  cannot."  With  a  defiant  toss  of  the 
head  she  left  the  room. 

The  wrathy  old  man  had  made  a  mistake;  and  what  was 
worst  of  all,  he  could  not  see  how  he  could  retract.  He 
walked  up  and  down  the  room,  muttering  something  about 
"upstarts,"  the  "present  age,"  and  " what  was  the  world 
coming  to  when  such  sprouts  dare  to  defy  a  man  in  this 
way."  He  had  made  a  great  mistake.  Of  course  he  would 
not  disinherit  his  daughter;  but  how  should  'he  go  to  work  to 
make  her  obey  ?  We  will  whisper  to  you,  David  Delight, 
how  you  can  do  it.  Close  one  eye,  and  don't  pretend  to 
know  if  your  daughter  does  speak  to  the  beggar.  It  is  the 
best  you  can  do  under  the  circumstances,  and  your  only 
way  out  of  the  woods. 


16 


CHAPTER   XXX. 

LETTERS— LIFTED  FROM  THE  DEPTHS. 

NOW  letters  began  to  come  from  Europe.  Strange  as 
it  may  appear,  we  have  known  Joel  to  wait  two  days 
before  he  would  open  a  letter  that  he  knew  came  from  Car 
rie.  He  would  steal  away  from  the  sound  of  human  kind, 
far  from  the  habitations  of  men,  and  sitting  beside  a  brook, 
under  a  leafy  tree,  would  enjoy  those  letters  by  himself.  It 
was  here  he  answered  them.  The  Senator's  letters  to  him 
were  racy  and  full  of  dry  jokes.  Carrie's  were  frank,  warm, 
and  full  of  affection.  Sternna's  were  more  profound.  Her 
letters  were  the  best  educator,  touching  upon  new  and  un 
seen  things  to  Joel.  She  talked  of  the  museums  of  art,  the 
grand  pictures,  and  the  impression  they  made  upon  her. 
"  Now,  Joel,  read  Homer's  Iliad,  and  you  will  better  under 
stand  some  pictures  I  shall  write  you  about  in  my  next." 
This  young  girl  was  unconsciously  leading  Joel  far  up  into 
the  classics.  She  was  painting  pictures  on  the  tablet  of  his 
mind  that  were  lifting  him  far  above  the  realities  of  life.  It 
was  well  that  the  Senator  wrote  as  he  did.  It  was  well  that 
Carrie  wrote  as  she  did,  for  the  two  made  an  excellent  bal 
ance.  To  keep  up  this  varied  correspondence  was  a  pleasant 
task.  In  these  letters  were  no  warning  admonitions  to  Joel 
to  be  good,  and  do  thus  and  so.  They  all  knew  that  he  was 
in  need  of  no  such  admonition;  their  confidence  in  him 
admitted  of  no  doubt,  and  Joel  was  spared  what  many 
another  has  suffered  from  being  written  to,  "Now  be  good, 
shun  bad  company,"  and  a  hundred  other  things  that  peo 
ple  are  reminded  to  do  by  being  told  not  to  do  them. 


INSANE    WITH    TROUBLE.  243 

It  is  time  that  we  looked  after  our  good,  brave  Kate.  She 
is  alone,  and  her  attention  is  divided  between  her  husband's 
hardware  store  and  her  household.  She  kept  the  books, 
sold  saws  and  files,  tenpenny  nails,  and  saw  them  deliv 
ered;  made  out  bills  of  sale,  kept  the  men  at  work,  and 
straightened  everything.  Tom  Glewer's  business  never  had 
been  conducted  so  well  since  it  was  started.  The  trade 
began  to  increase,  and  what  wonder?  When  a  beautiful 
woman  is  at  the  head  of  any  trade  it  is  likely  to  increase. 
But  where  was  Tom?  was  the  question  the  curious  ones 
began  to  ask.  Kate  invariably  answered  that  his  health 
demanded  a  change. 

One  morning,  as  Kate  was  hustling  about  preparatory  to 
going  to  the  store,  there  came  a  ring  at  the  door.  Her  first 
thought  was  that  she  would  not  answer  the  ring;  her  next 
was,  "  It  may  be  that  woman,  and  it  is  better  she  should 
come  here  than  to  the  store."  She  answered  the  ring,  and 
found  no  less  a  personage  than  our  own  Madame  Junk.  As 
the  two  women  were  having  a  comfortable  chat,  there  came 
another  ring :  this  time  it  was  that  woman. 

"So,  you're  to  home  this  time.  I've  been  here  twice, 
and  couldn't  find  you  in." 

"Well,  what  do  you  want  now?"  said  Kate. 

"I  want  to  talk." 

"  Come  in,"  and  Kate  took  the  woman  in  where  Madame 
Junk  was  seated.  The  woman  started  back  on  seeing  a 
stranger.  But  Kate  said,  "Come  in;  this  is  a  friend  of 
mine.  We  can  talk  in  her  presence  just  as  well."  The 
woman  sat  down,  looking  first  at  Kate  and  then  at  Madame 
Junk. 

"Do  you  want  to  be  exposed  before  this  woman?" 

"  I  have  nothing  to  conceal  from  her.  If  you  have  you 
can  think  about  it." 

"  Perhaps  this  lady  can  tell  me  where  my  boy  is,"  said  the 
woman,  referring  to  Madame  Junk. 

"Your  boy?    What  boy?     I  never  saw  you  before." 


244  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND   JOE. 

"Then  you  didn't  know  that  this  woman  (pointing  to 
Kate)  never  had  a  child?  She  stole  mine,  and  calls  it  hers. 
What  do  you  say  to  that?  "Where  is  Tom? 

"  He  is  not  in  town/'  said  Kate,  looking  the  woman 
quietly  in  the  eyes. 

"Not  in  town?" 

"  No.  Did  I  not  tell  you  the  last  time  you  were  here  that 
I  should  foil  you  in  any  attempt  you  might  make  to  injure 
my  husband  or  son  ?" 

The  woman  jumped  to  her  feet.  She  stamped,  she  raved 
and  swore;  she  shook  her  fists  in  Kate's  face,  and  called  her 
a  sly  Yankee  hussy;  but  she  would  have  the  best  of  her  yet. 
It  was  well  that  Madame  Junk  was  present,  or  she  might 
have  throttled  Kate. 

"  Mrs.  Glewer,  this  woman  is  insane  with  trouble,"  said 
Madame  Junk. 

"  Not  at  all,"  said  Kate,  "  only  malicious." 

Madame  Junk  walked  up  to  the  woman,  and  took  hold  of 
her  arm. 

"  My  good  woman,  do  be  quiet." 

"  Don't  call  me  a  good  woman.  I  am  a  devil  from  the 
bottomless  pit  of  hell." 

"  And  there  is  no  one  belonging  to  me  that  you  can  drag 
down  with  you,"  said  Kate. 

Madame  Junk  shuddered. 

"  My  good  woman,  let  me  talk  with  you.  I  am  a  friend 
to  those  who  are  friendless.  Let  me  pray  for  you." 

(<  To  the  devil  with  you  and  your  prayers!" 

Before  she  had  finished  this  sentence,  Madame  Junk  was 
on  her  knees,  with  clasped  hands,  and  eyes  raised  to  heaven. 
She  poured  out  a  fervent  prayer  for  this  poor  woman. 

"O  God,  come  with  thy  holy  presence,  and  guide  my 
poor  sister  in  the  right  path."  All  through  this  prayer  she 
called  her  sister.  She  prayed  so  earnestly  that  the  woman 
became  quiet,  and  it  seemed  that  God  had  answered  her 
prayers.  She  prayed  that  this  woman  might  be  born  again. 


A    CUP   OF    TEA    WILL   DO    US    GOOD.  245 

Madame  Junk  arose  from  her  knees,  and  laid  her  long,  cool 
hand  upon  the  woman's  forehead.  She  parted  her  hair,  and 
smoothed  it  back.  She  took  her  hand,  and  said: 

"My  good  woman,  be  yourself.  You  are  with  friends. 
We  do  not  wish  to  harm  you,  but  to  do  you  good.  The 
world  is  not  so  bad  as  you  think." 

She  untied  the  woman's  dilapidated  hat,  and  brought  cold 
water  and  bathed  her  head.  ' '  You  are  not  well;  your  head 
is  hot."  Madame  Junk  patted  and  coaxed  this  great  Amazon 
as  if  she  had  been  a  child  of  five  years.  Madame  Junk  drew 
her  arm-chair  close  beside  the  woman,  adjusted  her  spec 
tacles,  took  the  family  Bible  from  the  table,  and  read,  in 
slow,  distinct  measure,  "  Christ's  Sermon  on  the  Mount." 
Every  now  and  then  she  patted  the  woman's  hand  as  it  rested 
on  her  lap. 

Kate  had  walked  to  the  window.  The  tears  were  flowing 
from  her  eyes.  "I  am  not  a  Christian,"  she  thought  to 
herself. 

Madame  Junk  read,  and  her  voice  was  attuned  by  the 
touch  of  God.  It  had  entered  the  inmost  portals  of  the 
woman's  soul;  it  cleared  its  way  through  the  corrupt  mass 
that  had  almost  obliterated  the  woman's  better  nature. 
When  Madame  Junk  had  finished  reading,  she  looked  up, 
and  found  that  tears  were  flowing  fast,  and  dropping  upon 
the  woman's  hands,  and  likely  to  give  them  a  better  wash 
than  they  had  had  for  many  a  day. 

"  You  don't  know  what  I  have  had  to  make  me  what  I 
am." 

"  Well,  never  mind  that  now.  You  are  not  well  enough 
to  talk  about  that,"  and  good  Madame  Junk  would  have 
made  the  woman  believe  she  could  scarcely  live  the  day 
out,  although  outwardly  there  were  no  visible  signs  of  any 
such  sudden  exit. 

"Kate — I  should  have  said  Mrs.  Glewer — have  you  any 
tea  in  the  house?  I  want  a  cup  of  tea;  a  cup  of  tea  will 
do  us  all  good." 


246  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

Kate  turned,  and  Madame  Junk  saw  that  she  had  been 
weeping.  Kate  walked  up  to  the  woman,  held  out  her 
hand,  and  said:  "Forgive  me;  I  have  been  shown  that  I 
am  not  a  Christian;  I  have  not  had  a  Christian  feeling  for 
you." 

"  We  cannot  be  friends,"  said  the  woman. 

"There!  there!"  said  Madame  Junk;  "let  us  have  our 
tea.  Katie,  you  fix  it  and  I  will  talk  with  our  sister."  She 
took  the  pin  out  of  the  woman's  shawl.  "  Come,  you  have 
been  weeping;  bathe  your  face  and  hands  and  you  will  feel 
better." 

She  conducted  the  woman  to  the  next  room,  gave  her 
fresh  water  and  handed  her  a  cake  of  nice  soap  and  a  clean 
towel.  Then  she  was  fumbling  in  a  closet  and  brought  out 
a  clean  sack  and  made  the  woman  slip  it  on  over  a  much- 
soiled  dress.  When  this  was  done  she  said:  "  Come  here, 
my  good  woman,"  and  she  drew  a  chair  to  the  window  that 
looked  out  upon  Kate's  flower  garden.  She  bade  the  woman 
sit  down  and  look  at  the  flowers.  "  Flowers  are  the  lan 
guage  of  love;  look  at  them."  Madame  Junk,  with  the 
godliness  within  her  and  her  true  Christian  principles,  had 
done  more  in  an  hour  to  conciliate  this  woman  than  Kate 
could  have  done  with  her  brave  nature  in  a  lifetime.  Mad 
ame  Junk  slipped  out  and  whispered  to  Kate:  "Make  a 
good  strong  cup;  I  will  dispose  of  this  woman.  We  must 
manage  not  to  have  publicity  in  this  affair." 

Madame  Junk  flew  to  the  pantry  and  brought  out  every 
thing  to  eat  she  could  find  and  placed  it  on  the  table;  she 
rolled  an  easy-chair  up  and  led  the  woman  up  to  it.  Kate 
took  a  seat  at  the  head  of  the  table,  and  Madame  Junk  said 
grace:  "  O  God,  we  thank  Thee  for  Thy  bounteous  bless 
ings.  May  our  sister  who  is  beneath  this  roof  eat  and  be 
comforted.  O  God!  give  to  her  from  the  bread  of  life.  "We 
each  and  all  thank  Thee  for  Thy  kind  protection.  Amen." 

When  Madame  Junk  looked  up  from  her  "Amen,"  she 
began  waiting  upon  this  strange  woman  as  if  she  had  been 


THE    PICTURES.  247 

the  most  distinguished  guest.  She  talked  upon  indifferent 
subjects;  about  the  weather,  the  flowers  and  some  of  her 
own  experiences.  She  reflected  something  of  her  own  sor 
rowful  life;  how  she  had  trusted  in  God,  and  how  she  had 
been  shown  the  right  way.  An  outside  observer  would 
have  been  at  a  loss  to  know  in  what  relation  these  three 
women  stood  to  each  other. 

Madame  Junk  addressed  the  woman  as  sister.  At  such 
times  the  woman  would  drop  her  head  and  look  so  ashamed. 
Madame  Junk  had  by  sheer  Christianity  vanquished  the  foe; 
such  kindness  had  been  unknown  to  the  woman  for  years. 
Madame  Junk  had  taken  the  "  bull  by  the  horns/'  and  her 
manner  of  taming  never  failed.  "  Yes/'  she  thought  to 
herself,  "  I  have  got  an  elephant,  now  I  must  find  a  place 
to  keep  it."  Madame  Junk  was  a  quick  thinker.  She  must 
have  a  private  talk  with  the  woman,  find  out  what  her  name 
was,  where  she  came  from,  and  of  what  nation  she  was — for 
she  knew  she  was  not  American — what  she  had  done  and 
what  she  could  do.  If  this  woman  was  a  roaring  lion  just 
going  about  to  see  whom  she  might  devour,  she  must  be 
put  into  a  cage,  that  was  all  there  w^as  about  it. 

"  Mrs.  Glewer,"  said  Madame  Junk,  "  if  you  have  busi 
ness  down  town  I  will  mind  the  house;  besides,  I  want  to 
have  a  talk  with  this  good  woman." 

Kate  thanked  Madame  Junk  for  her  kindnessr  and  said 
she  would  avail  herself  of  it. 

Madame  Junk  began  bustling  about;  the  woman,  relieved 
of  Kate's  presence,  began  to  look  about.  Her  eyes  wan 
dered  from  ceiling  to  carpet,  and  caught  on  their  round  a 
group  of  pictures  that  hung  on  the  wall.  She  walked  over 
to  them :  it  was  Tom  Glewer,  his  wife  Kate,  and  the  boy 
hung  between  them.  She  looked  long  and  earnestly  at  the 
picture  of  the  boy.  The  woman's  heart  was  moved  like  a 
mighty  volcano.  The  pent-up  feelings  of  years  broke  forth 
in  a  long,  bitter  wail.  A  dog  might  have  pitied  her  then. 
Her  large  frame  shook,  and  convulsive  sobs  called  Madame 
Junk  to  her  side;  she  laid  one  hand  upon  her  shoulder. 


248  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

"  My  good  friend." 

"That  is  my  child,  that  is  my  boy,  and  I  have  never 
rested  since  I  left  him.  Why  can't  I  see  him,  just  once?  I 
will  promise  never  to  trouble  them  again." 

"  There,  there,  my  good  woman;  you  shall  see  him,  if  you 
will  obey  me.  You  would  like  to  see  your  child  grow  up  a 
useful  man,  would  you  not? 

"Yes,  yes;  may  he  never  know  the  shame  and  sorrow  I 
have  endured." 

"You  must  quiet  yourself.  You  are  ill,  and  no  wonder. 
The  child  has  a  father  and  mother  that  can  make  him  all 
you  wish  him  to  be." 

"The  boy's  father  would  have  been  my  husband  if  he 
had  kept  his  promise  to  me,"  said  the  woman,  with  some 
thing  of  the  old  vindictiveness  coming  back  into  her  face. 

"There,  there,  my  child,"  said  Madame  Junk,  soothingly; 
"  men  are  prone  to  err.  Very  few  of  them  were  born  right. 
Few  of  them  keep  a  promise  to  a  woman  they  have  injured 
in  this  way;  but  you  must  look  at  this  from  a  reasonable 
standpoint.  He  is  lawfully  married  now  to  a  good  and 
noble  woman,  and  his  wife  is%  the  adopted  mother  of  your 
child.  She  took  him  from  the  orphan  asylum,  and  the 
papers  are  made  out  for  her  by  that  society :  she  can  hold 
the  child  by  law ." 

"But,"  said  the  woman,  "she  did  not  know  her  husband 
was  the  father  of  the  child." 

"Yes,  she  did,"  said  Madame  Junk,  "or  she  would  not 
have  adopted  him.  She  would  have  preferred  a  girl." 

A  new  light  dawned  upon  the  woman's  mind.  "Few 
women  would  do  that,"  said  the  woman;  "she  must  be 
good  and  generous." 

"She  is  all  of  that,"  said  Madame  Junk,  "  and  brave,  too, 
to  the  last  degree.  You  see,  a  woman  who  can  do  so  much 
can  do  much  more." 

"Did  Tom  know  it  was  his  own  child?" 

"  No,  not  for  a  long  time;  and  in  fact,  I  do  not  know  that 


SOMETHING    PAST    FORTY.  249 

he  knows  it  now.  His  wife  has  never  talked  with  him  on 
the  subject." 

"Why  did  she  keep  this  a  secret  from  him  ?  " 

"She  knew  if  he  was  aware  of  the  truth,  he  would  not 
allow  her  to  have  the  child,  and  Mrs.  Glewer  was  deter 
mined  to  make  him  do  a  father's  duty  without  knowing1  it. 
But  Tom  loves  the  boy  very  much  now.  I  think  it  would 
grieve  him  very  much  to  part  with  him." 

"  The  wretch!"  said  the  woman. 

"Tut,  tut,  you  must  not  talk  so." 

"I  need  not  call  him  that.  I  left  the  child  myself,  and 
when  a  mother  does  that  we  have  no  right  to  expect  much 
from  the  father." 

"Well,  now,  you  see  the  good  Mrs.  Glewer  has  been 
father  and  mother  both  to  your  more  than  orphan  child.  If 
she  has  the  appearance  of  being  austere  in  this  matter  it  is 
her  right." 

"Yes,  but  why  didn't  she  make  the  explanation  to  me ? " 

"  Too  proud;  she  is  much  too  good  for  Tom." 

"How  did  such  a  beautiful  woman  come  to  marry  Tom 
Glewer?" 

All  the  answer  Madame  Junk  could  give  to  this  question 
was:  "  She  was  young.  You  must  excuse  me  if  I  ask  you 
a  few  questions.  Are  you  poor?  Are  you  in  need  of  money 
and  a  home  ?  " 

"  I  am  in  need  of  both." 

"  Will  you  labor?" 

"If  any  one  will  give  me  work." 

"  I  will  attend  to  this,"  said  Madame  Junk,  elevating  her 
eyebrows.  ' '  What  class  of  labor  do  you  understand  ?" 

"  I  used  to,  years  ago,  work  in  a  shop.     I  was  a  tailoress." 

"That  class  of  labor  would  not  be  healthful  for  you 
now.  How  would  you  like  to  come  and  work  with  me? 
The  lady  I  work  for  is  in  need  of  help.  I  shall  have  to 
give  you  a  good  recommendation;  and  if  I  do,  I  have  no 
fear  you  will  make  me  violate  my  word."  Tears  were  again 
falling  from  the  woman's  eyes,  and  she  said: 


250       MADAME  JANE  JUNK  AND  JOE. 

« 

"  I  am  something  past  forty  years  of  age,  and  never  in 
my  life  have  I  known  such  kindness  as  you  have  shown  me." 
She  seemed  choked,  and  could  not  speak  more  for  a  mo 
ment.  "I  wish  I  had  met  you  earlier  in  life.  I  might  not 
be  the  thing  I  am." 

"Do  not  speak  in  that  way  of  yourself.  You  are  one  of 
God's  children,  and  have  a  claim  upon  your  brothers  and 
sisters." 

"  Madame,  I  have  no  words  to  express  my  gratitude.  I 
am  weak.  Your  prayer  has  lifted  a  burden  from  my  soul. 
If  I  go  with  you,  I  am  saved;  if  I  go  alone,  I  am  lost." 

"You  shall  be  saved/'  said  Madame  Junk,  firmly;  "and 
I  thank  God  for  being  the  instrument.  "What  name  shall 
I  call  you?" 

"  Call  me  Mary;"  and  Madame  Junk  took  Mary  Magda 
lene  by  the  hand  and  walked  forth,  thinking  to  herself, 
"  My  home  shall  be  thy  home;  my  God  shall  be  thy  God, 
and  we  will  dwell  together  as  one  people." 


CHAPTER    XXXI. 

PRAYERS  ANSWERED. 

TOEL  stood  at  the  head  of  his  class  in  everything. 
^_J  There  was  a  silent,  defiant  pride  about  him.  If  he 
was  not  the  equal  of  his  classmates  in  money,  birth,  and 
name,  he  stood  above  them  in  natural  gifts.  Joel  suffered; 
for  more  than  once  the  envious  tongues  whispered  he  would 
not  be  there  but  for  the  Senator's  purse;  "  and  they  do  say 
Miss  Carrie  Smith  loves  him,  and  the  Senator  favors  the 
suit."  It  seemed  that  such  little  innuendoes  served  as  a 
spur  to  make  him  earn  laurels  that  should  far  eclipse  a 
lack  of  money  and  obscurity  of  birth.  Joel  was  a  favorite 
with  the  professors,  especially  those  who  had  had  practical 
experience  in  struggling  for  a  superior  education.  Joel 
enjoyed  some  advantages  his  classmates  did  not.  Through 
the  Senator,  Mr.  Stanly  became  Joel's  devoted  friend;  and 
more  than  one  problem  that  gentleman  so  clearly  elucidated 
to  Joel's  comprehension  that  it  became  his  own.  Joel  not 
unfrequently  puzzled  his  teacher  with  his  knowledge  of  this 
and  that.  We  cannot  dwell  at  length  on  all  the  boy  suf 
fered.  During  those  years  of  toil,  step  by  step  he  was 
climbing  a  height  whose  summit  he  will  reach  ere  long. 
Joel  had  ever  guarded  with  care  the  package  given  him  by 
the  man  who  called  himself  his  father.  Not  a  living  soul 
knew  that  he  held  such  a  package,  except  the  man  who 
gave  it  to  him.  Mother  Junk  did  not  know  it;  and  it  was 
well  she  did  not.  Being  a  woman,  she  might  have  deemed 
it  her  duty  to  persuade  Joel  to  open  it. 

Every  night  that  good  woman  knelt  down  by  her  bed- 


252  MADAME   JANE   JUNK    AND    JOE. 

side,  and  every  niglit  an  especial  prayer  was  offered  up  to 
the  throne  of  grace  for  Joel.  Who  can  watch  Joel  and 
say  that  her  prayers  were  not  answered?  Joel  was  her 
earthly  idol.  She  was  content  to  pray  for  him,  and  admire 
him  at  a  distance.  In  one  sense  Joel  had  grown  away  from 
her;  in  another,  she  was  near  and  dear  to  him.  He  longed 
to  give  her  a  home.  She  should  have  every  comfort  when 
he  had  gained  that  which  he  was  valiantly  fighting  for. 

Every  Sabbath  Mary  was  seated  beside  Madame  Junk. 
Every  Sabbath  she  listened  to  the  teachings  of  good  Dr. 
S .  She  felt  like  a  traveler  who  had  walked  a  long  dis 
tance  over  a  desert,  where  the  burning  sands  scorched  her 
feet,  and  who  is  now  resting  beneath  the  cool  shade  of  some 
flowering  tree,  whose  sweet-scented  blossoms  fall  all  about 
her.  Her  face  was  no  longer  red :  it  had  settled  into  a  quiet 
expression;  and  not  a  few  might  have  called  her  good- 
looking. 

The  reader  has  long  since  learned  that  Miss  Busy  did  not 
belong  to  the  same  class  of  Christians  as  Madame  Junk; 
still,  her  Christian  principles  led  her  to  assist  all  those  who 
were  in  need,  provided  they  showed  a  disposition  to  help 
themselves.  Miss  Busy  was  a  good  friend  to  Mary,  whom 
she  found  industrious  and  useful  in  her  establishment;  but 
her  English  notions  of  caste  prevented  her  ever  making  an 
equal  of  her.  Not  so  with  Madame  Junk.  She  believed 
we  were  all  children  of  one  common  Father. 

Madame  Junk  set  Miss  Busy's  ideas  at  naught  by  taking 
Mary  under  her  wing  to  places  which  Miss  Busy  did  not 
consider  quite  in  keeping  with  a  lady.  But  Madame  Junk's 
knowledge  of  human  nature  taught  her  that,  in  order  to 
work  a  reform,  we  must  build  up  a  self-respect  whose 
foundation  must  be  honor.  In  matters  of  this  sort,  Mad 
ame  Junk  showed  an  energy  that  was  a  marvel  to  all  who 
knew  her.  If  she  could  get  Mr.  Stanly  on  her  side,  she 
should  have  Miss  Busy.  With  this  end  in  view,  she  opened 
the  subject  of  reform  one  evening,  as  Mr.  Stanly  was  pay- 


SHE    OPENED    THE   SUBJECT   OF    REFORM.       253 

ing  them  a  visit.  In  almost  all  of  Madame  Junk's  advanced 
ideas  on  this  subject,  that  gentleman  concurred.  So  there 
after  Mary  always  ate  at  the  table  with  them,  and  was  intro 
duced  to  callers,  and  in  many  other  ways  treated  almost,  if 
not  quite,  as  an  equal. 


CHAPTEK  XXXII. 

WHOLESOME  ADVICE— LETTERS  TO  AMERICA. 

r~P!IME  flies  swiftly.  Three  years  have  glided  away  since 
J^  our  friends  left  America  for  France.  One  morning, 
as  Sternna  sat  in  her  studio,  working  over  a  picture  she  was 
to  have  finished  before  her  teacher  again  calls,  there  came 
a  tap  at  her  door.  Thinking  it  might  be  her  teacher,  she 
said,  "Come  in." 

An  old  man  put  his  head  in,  and  said,  speaking  in  half- 
forgotten  French,  as  if  he  had  spent  years  in  a  country  not 
his  own : 

"  "Will  the  young  lady  pardon  an  old  man  ?  I  have  watched 
you  come  out  and  go  in.  I  want  to  ask  one  little  question." 

"Yes;  come  in." 

"  No,  thank  you,"  said  the  old  man,  holding  the  door  ajar, 
with  just  his  head  protruding  through  the  aperture.  "Did 
you  come  from  bonnie  Scotland  ?  " 

"No,  Sir;  I  came  from  America." 

"Is  your  father  not  Scotch? "  said  the  man,  forgetting  he 
had  but  one  little  question  to  ask. 

Sternna  leaned  back  in  her  chair,  held  her  brush  aloft, 
and  turning  her  antique  profile  to  the  view  of  the  old  man, 
who  gave  a  start,  she  said: 

"Why  do  you  ask  this  question?" 

"  I  beg  pardon,  young  lady." 

He  closed  the  door,  and  was  gone. 

Sternna  avoided  all  publicity  further  than  was  necessary 
to  attain  her  profession.  She  could  have  mingled  with  the 
best  if  she  had  felt  so  disposed.  She  did  not  come  here  to 


ALL   JUDGMENT.  255 

study  society,  but  to  study  art;  and,  as  a  usual  thing,  there 
is  very  little  of  the  latter  in  what  is  termed  society.  Carrie 
and  the  Senator  were  her  only  callers,  and  the  only  ones 
she  devoted  any  time  to. 

One  day  the  professor,  under  whose  teachings  she  sat, 
said: 

"  Miss  Sternna,  you  may  now  compose  a  picture  for 
yourself/5 

"Do  you  intend  I  shall  compose  it?"  asked  the  girl, 
wonderingly. 

"  Certainly,  if  you  wish.  In  what  direction  does  your 
fancy  run  ?" 

Sternna's  first  thought  was  of  her  benefactor;  her  active 
brain  was  in  a  whirl  in  an  instant. 

"  Please,  Sir,  will  you  give  me  a  few  days  to  think  of  it?" 

The  benign  old  professor  looked  clown  upon  the  girl  with 
feelings  we  can  scarce  define.  This  girl  had  been  the  most 
diligent  pupil  he  ever  had;  and  we  will  go  further,  and  say 
that  he  ever  saw.  She  had  followed  his  instructions  to  the 
letter;  had  never  assumed  pompous  ideas  of  her  own — a 
thing  the  old  professor  declared  characteristic  of  his  male 
students.  Never  once  had  she  assumed  to  know  better  than 
himself.  "With  all  this  he  understood  her  individual  nature. 
This  nature  she  made  subservient  to  the  fundamental  rules 
of  technicalities.  She  remembered  Mr.  Stanly's  advice;  she 
was  studying  to  execute.  There  was  plenty  of  time  to  let 
the  spirit  play  when  she  had  learned  the  use  of  her  wings. 

"  Professor,  shall  I  compose  the  picture  ?  Will  you  not 
make  a  suggestion  ?" 

"  Not  of  a  subject.  I  wish  to  see  what  flights  your  fancy 
will  take.  When  once  on  the  wing,  I  may  strengthen  you 
a  little.  You  must  begin  to  use  your  power  in  order  to 
grow.  I  shall  not  interfere  with  your  thought.  I  only  re 
quire  to  catch  your  thought,  then  I  can  make  suggestions  in 
regard  to  the  best  way  of  executing  it." 

"  Have  you  no  choice  in  my  subject  ?" 


256  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

:e  No,"  said  the  professor;  "  there  is  no  necessity  for  my 
having.  If  you  had  less  judgment,  I  might  have." 

"  But  how  can  you  trust  to  my  judgment,  when  you  have 
never  seen  anything  of  it  ?" 

"  Ah!  have  I  not  ?"  said  the  professor,  laughing.  "  You 
are  all  judgment.  I  haven't  seen  anything  in  you  but 
judgment." 

"  How  so  ?"  said  Sternna. 

"  Why,  you  have  shown  excellent  judgment  by  following 
my  instructions,  without  the  least  interference  of  your  own. 
My  young  friend,  these  are  rare  instances.  You  have  al 
lowed  your  spirit  to  merge  into  mine;  you  do  not  want  to 
be  an  imitator,  do  you  ?" 

"  Is  knowledge  imitation  ?"  asked  the  girl. 

"  Not  in  science;  but  in  art  it  may  become  so." 

"  And  science  will  enable  me  to  paint  my  own  poetry." 

The  old  professor  looked  at  his  pupil  with  moist  eyes. 

"  "Well,  take  a  day  or  two  for  thinking.  Go  out,  and  re 
cuperate.  You  need  it;  you  have  worked  hard  for  a  long 
time.  Freshen  yourself  up."  He  held  out  his  hand — a 
thing  he  had  never  done  before.  "  Good  morning,  Miss 
Sternna." 

Sternna' s  first  thought  was  of  the  Senator;  she  remem 
bered  her  promise  to  him;  she  had  asked  him  to  wait  five 
years,  and  the  end  was  creeping  along.  Does  the  reader 
apprehend  how  difficult  it  was  for  Sternna  to  associate  a  fine 
classical  painting  with  an  uneducated,  good-hearted  Amer 
ican  man?  The  very  thought  of  placing  something  before 
him  that  he  could  not  see  was  repellent  to  her  nature. 
Should  her  soul  only  take  up  that  which  his  soul  could 
reach?  It  was  impossible  for  her  to  execute  that  which 
would  please  him,  or  that  which  he  would  comprehend;  and 
that  which  would  please  him  would  not  please  her.  True, 
she  knew  he  would  play  pleased,  but  she  wanted  his  pleasure 
real.  She  had  told  him  she  would  bring  him  something  he 
would  look  upon  as  worthy;  she  did  not  realize  how  difficult 


WRITING    TO    AMERICA.  257 

it  would  be  to  keep  her  word  in  the  truest  acceptation  of  the 
term.  What  should  she  do?  There  was  Carrie;  she  might 
sound  her  father  on  what  would  most  please  him  in  the  way 
of  a  picture.  Should  she  choose  her  motive,  and  teach  him 
to  love  it  before  it  was  born  ?  The  last  thought  seemed  to 
quiet  her;  she  would  sound  him  on  the  poets;  she  would 
find  out  which  he  liked. 

But,  my  queen,  you  will  be  disappointed.  The  Senator 
don't  know  much  about  poetry  or  the  poets.  If  you  were 
to  paint  Aunt  Betsy  Trotwood,  as  she  was  talking  to  David 
Copperfield  about  his  sister  Betsy  that  would  have  been,  he 
would  have  understood  that,  and  laughed  himself  almost  to 
death.  But  the  classic  is  not  in  his  line,  any  more  than 
Aunt  Betsy  Trotwood  is  in  yours. 

What  could  that  old  servant  mean  by  asking  her  if  she 
was  Scotch;  did  she  look  so?  She  drew  out  the  locket  and 
looked  at  the  two  pictures.  She  had  never  seen  Scotch 
people.  Did  they  look  different  from  others  ?  She  would 
watch  for  the  old  man  and  question  him  more  closely.  She 
would  find  out  why  he  asked  her  this  question.  Sternna 
arose  and  walked  to  the  opposite  side  of  her  studio,  placed 
her  writing  material  in  convenient  array,  and  began  writ 
ing  letters  to  America.  She  would  write  to  good  Mother 
Junk,  Miss  Busy  and  Joel.  She  would  tell  them  what  she 
was  about  to  undertake;  she  needed  their  loving  sympathy. 
Mother  Junk  would  pray  for  her,  and  her  prayers  would  do 
her  good.  Joel  would  talk  brave  to  her;  in  his  grand  hope 
and  untiring  zeal  she  would  gather  fresh  energy.  With 
Miss  Busy's  encouraging  words  and  predictions  she  could 
almost  grasp  the  mighty  problem  of  the  future. 

For  a  long  time  Sternna  had  been  studying  over  a  pic 
ture.  To  insure  the  success  of  any  great  object  in  life, 
thought  is  requisite.  When  we  speak  of  thought  we  do  not 
refer  to  ordinary  thinking;  we  refer  to  that  class  of  thought 
which  challenges  the  spirit  to  come  forth,  that  breaks  the 
bolts  and  opens  the  door  to  the  inmost  soul.  It  matters 

17 


258  MADAME   JANE    JUNK    AND   JOE. 

not  what  the  world  may  think  of  spontaneous  thought  or 
old-time  impressions.  Nature,  ever  true  to  herself,  pre 
pares,  even  as  the  tiller  of  the  soil  prepares  the  ground 
before  he  plants  the  seed.  So  did  God  attune  this  "  harp 
of  a  thousand  strings"  ere  it  sang  the  sweet  songs  of  the 
past.  All  great  things  are  of  slow  growth;  though  that 
growth  be  unseen  by  mortal  eye,  it  is  the  law  of  nature. 

While  our  little  charity  waif  was  making  such  progress  in 
art,  the  Senator's  daughter  was  making  an  onward  march 
in  literature.  It  was  a  query  with  many  who  wrote  those 
delightful  little  poems  over  the  nom  de  plume  of  "  Midge  ;" 
they  were  creating  quite  a  furore.  They  were  written  and 
published  in  French.  The  only  thing  known  about  them 
was,  they  were  written  by  an  American  lady;  but  as  there 
were  many  American  ladies  in  Paris,  it  was  not  easy  to  find 
out. 

All  this  our  benign  Senator  looked  upon  with  a  degree 
of  pride  which  was  pardonable.  If  he  did  not  say  his 
daughter  had  brains,  he  thought  so;  and  in  his  mind  there 
were  comparatively  few  born  with  brains.  These  poems 
were  published  in  America,  which,  take  it  all  in  all,  was 
not  so  wonderful  when  we  consider  how  easy  it  was  to  have 
it  done. 

One  day  Came  came  tripping  up  the  steps  that  led  to 
Sternna's  stindio.  She  was  laden  with  an  important  decis 
ion  which  she  would  lay  at  the  feet  of  her  friend,  and  ask 
her  judgment  thereon. 

"  Sternna,"  said  Carrie,  standing  face  to  face  with  her, 
and  placing  her  arms  about  her  neck,  "  I  have  made  up  my 
mind  to  write  a  book." 

"  Why  not?"  said  Sternna. 

11  Do  you  think  I  can  succeed?" 

"  What  do  you  mean  by  succeed?" 

'  'Will  it  be  popular?" 

"  That  I  cannot  tell  you;  but  you  will  succeed." 

"  How  can  it  be  a  success  if  it  is  not  received?"  Sternna 
took  Carrie  by  the  hand  and  led  her  to  a  seat. 


PAPA   THINKS   THE    SAME.  259 

"  Any  work  that  requires  study  is  a  success;  any  work 
that  develops  and  strengthens  our  mental  capacities  is  a 
success.  If  we  have  the  gifts  we  must  cultivate  them,  and 
every  step  in  advance  is  a  success.  To  succeed  with  the 
mass  we  must  first  succeed  with  ourselves,  and  to  do  that 
we  must  begin,  and  that,  too,  with  a  will." 

"  I  should  not  like  to  begin  if  I  thought  I  should  fail." 

"  You  will  not  fail  in  the  first  essential  thing,  and  that  is 
the  training  of  yourself." 

"  Do  you  advise  me  to  make  the  attempt?" 

"  Most  assuredly  I  do,  if  you  feel  the  power  within  you." 

"  I  think  I  have  some  talent  for  writing." 

"  Carrie,  you  will  forgive  me  for  speaking  frankly  to  you. 
Were  I  less  a  friend  I  might  speak  differently,  but  I  hold 
you  dear  as  a  sister." 

"  I  will  take  anything  from  you,  Sternna.  I  know  your 
judgment  is  in  advance  of  my  own,  and  papa  thinks  the 
same." 

"I  do  not  know  that  my  judgment  is  superior  to  your 
own;  but  since  you  have  asked  me,  I  will  tell  you  all  I  feel. 
You  must  first  work  for  your  own  approval,  irrespective  of 
what  the  public  think.  Be  your  own  severe  critic,  your  own 
hard  task-master.  Build  up  your  own  ideal,  lofty  and 
grand;  make  it  what  you  would  be  willing  to  accept  from 
others.  You  have  read  more  than  I.  Now,  if  I  were  to 
place  a  work  from  one  of  your  favorite  authors  before  you, 
and  say,  '  Carrie,  point  me  out  the  defects  in  this  work/  I 
have  no  doubt  but  that  you  could  find  many." 

"  Yes;  but  I  do  not  expect  perfection." 

"  I  do  not  agree  with  you  in  this.  We  should  expect  per 
fection.  When  we  take  perfection  for  our  standpoint,  we 
shall  gain  more  than  by  thinking  defects  are  expected,  and 
will  not  be  noticed.  When  you  have  written  a  thing,  count 
yourself  out.  Look  upon  it  as  if  it  belonged  to  some  one 
else.  Criticize  it  as  if  you  were  a  professional  critic.  Ana 
lyze  vigorously.  Throw  all  vanity  out  of  it;  and  then,  if  it 


26O  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

comes  up  to  your  highest  ideal  of  works  which  you  have 
accepted  from  others,  you  may  be  sure  of  success.  It  is 
only  when  your  productions  look  poor  to  you,  and  you  are 
dissatisfied  with  them,  that  you  grow.  It  seems  to  be  an 
ordeal  through  which  we  must  pass/' 

Carrie  looked  despondent. 

"You  quite  discourage  me  from  making  the  attempt/' 

"  If  I  can  discourage  you  by  the  truth,  you  were  never 
brave  enough  to  begin.  It  requires  much  courage  to  brave 
the  truth  in  regard  to  art;  and  it  is  only  those  who  hold  our 
best  interests  that  venture  over  the  sacred  portal  of  truth." 

"  Papa  said  he  was  afraid  it  was  a  large  undertaking  for 
me,  and  I  had  better  consult  you  about  it." 

"I  am  pleased  with  your  father's  confidence  in  me,  Car 
rie,  and  I  should  be  unworthy  if  I  did  not  speak  my  honest 
convictions  to  you.  You  must  consult  your  strength.  If 
you  would  lift  a  great  weight,  you  must  begin  with  a  small 
one.  It  is  thus  that  the  mind  is  developed." 

{ '  But  I  have  written  a  few  poems  that  have  been  received 
with  favor." 

"  Yes,  they  were  quite  fair,"  said  Sternna;  "  but  to  write 
a  romance  that  will  be  acceptable  to  the  age,  requires  not 
alone  natural  gifts,  but  a  fancy  largely  strengthened  by 
actual  experience.  Even  in  fiction  there  must  be  a  show  of 
nature;  it  is  the  nature  which  touches  the  reader  above  all 
things.  Those  writers  who  are  pre-eminent  in  fiction  are 
those  who  have  studied  the  human  heart  in  all  its  varied 
complications. " 

"  Well,  if  what  you  say  be  true,  one  cannot  trust  alone 
to  fancy;  we  must  have  age;  for  it  is  only  with  age  we  can 
gather  those  experiences  that  you  deem  necessary  for  an 
author  of  fiction." 

' '  Yes,  age  is  necessary,"  said  Sternna.  "  The  best  writers 
have,  in  a  general  way,  written  their  master-works  after 
they  had  passed  the  age  of  forty.  Certainly,  there  are  ex 
ceptions,  but  those  exceptions,  I  think,  have  been  in  poetry, 


MODERN    ROMANCE.  26 1 

•where  we  expect  less  of  the  real  than  in  prose.  To  write  a 
book,  it  seems  to  me,  we  should  gather  studies;  pass  much 
time  in  making  observations;  draw  up  your  characters  as  a 
general  does  a  regiment  of  troops,  and  make  each  one  do 
his  duty,  and  do  not  enroll  more  than  you  have  use  for. 
Were  I  a  writer  of  fiction,  I  should  not  use  characters  just 
for  filling;  I  should  only  use  them  to  show  a  phase  of  human 
nature,  or  for  moral  toning.  It  seems  to  me  that  the  suc 
cess  of  a  writer  depends  much  upon  this.  It  is  the  same  in 
painting  a  picture;  it  must  mean  something,  represent 
something,  or  its  effect  is  nothing." 

"  We  have  much  that  is  allegorical,  both  in  writing  and 
painting,  and  there  is  a  world  of  meaning  in  that/'  said 
Carrie. 

' 'Only  for  the  few;  the  mass  have  not  been  educated  up 
to  the  sublimity  of  those  things.  The  lover  of  mythology 
does  not  read  modern  romance." 

"To  me,  mythology  is  the  height  of  extravagant  romance." 

"It  is  classical,  and  so  combined  with  ancient  history 
that  the  readers  of  fiction  will  not  search  for  its  hidden 
meanings." 

"Sternna,  you  have  taught  me  much  to-day.  You  have 
given  me  food  for  thought.  You  have  done  more  for  me 
in  this  conversation  than  all  those  who  have  endeavored  to 
make  me  think  I  am  a  great  genius." 

"It  is  my  own  experience  that  makes  me  talk  thus  to 
you.  You  know  how  good  Mother  Junk  and  Miss  Busy, 
and  all  the  rest,  used  to  talk  about  my  pictures.  When  I 
woke  up  and  found  the  dream  they-  had  talked  me  to  sleep 
over,  I  felt  so  ashamed.  I  must  work;  and  years  hence  I 
shall  still  be  nothing,  for  life  is  too  short  to  learn  all  that 
some  souls  would  know.  If  what  I  have  said  to  you,  my 
dear  sister  Carrie,  will  cause  you  to  drop  out  of  the  ranks, 
you  were  never  fit  to  enter  them.  But  I  have  no  fear  of 
that.  When  once  we  enter  upon  a  path  we  scarce  ever 
turn  back.  True,  we  may  become  laggards,  if  we  are  con- 


262  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

tent  to  be  so.  All  depends  upon  your  own  energy.  Great 
men  make  little  talent  do  good  work,  but  great  talent  with 
little  energy  will  do  a  poor  business." 

Thus  it  was  the  corner-stone  was  laid  in  Game's  char 
acter,  as  Madame  Junk  would  have  put  it.  Thus  it  was 
"  that  bread  cast  upon  the  waters  returns  to  us  after  many 
days." 


CHAPTER    XXXIII. 

A   WABNING  TO  MEN—  A  STRANGE  MEETING—  CON  FLA- 
GRATION—JOEL  ABDUCTED. 


AMUEL  BLOWEK  was  actually  in  a  decline.  How- 
ever,  his  lungs  and  tongue  were  able  to  perform 
regular  duty.  He  told  his  wife  just  as  frequently  that  she 
was  a  worm-eaten  Yankee  fool.  He  packed  up  his  haver 
sack  as  often  as  of  yore.  He  searched  just  as  diligently 
for  flaws  as  ever.  If  there  were  no  pins  to  step  on,  may 
be  he  could  find  a  hole  as  big  as  a  pin-head  in  the  toe  of 
his  stocking,  or  a  fly-speck  on  the  window  glass.  He  had 
his  whaling  days.  What  we  mean  by  whaling  clays  is, 
when  he  sent  up  a  spout  that  would  drench  his  poor  wife 
to  the  bones.  It  generally  ended  in  his  poor  wife  having  a 
nervous  attack,  and  being  obliged  to  send  for  sister  Jane, 
who  generally  prescribed  quiet  in  large  doses. 

It  so  happened  one  morning  that  Samuel  was  having  an 
unusual  spout  out,  and  threatening,  in  vociferous  measures, 
to  pack  up  his  haversack,  when  he  was  stricken  with  par 
alysis;  one  arm,  one  leg,  and  all  one  side,  were  helpless. 
We  hope  this  statement  will  be  a  warning  to  mankind. 
We  shall  feel  repaid  for  having  told  the  truth,  if  it  will 
prevent  husbands  from  getting  on  the  rampage  over  pins 
and  other  little  things.  Yes,  gentlemen,  read  and  take 
warning.  The  volcanic  eruptions  of  Samuel  Blower  were 
fast  consuming  him,  and  Betsy  Blower  will  soon  be  left  a 
widow.  If  she  should  chance  to  get  a  kind  husband  for 
the  second  one,  you  may  be  sure  he  will  be  appreciated; 
and,  furthermore,  in  no  danger  of  stepping  on  pins.  If 


264  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

any  of  my  gentlemen  readers  anticipate  wooing  the  widow, 
in  giving  her  an  inventory  of  your  goods  and  chattels,  pray 
don't  count  anything  that  looks  like  a  haversack.  If  you 
have  a  carpet-sack,  throw  it  out;  for  the  best  man  that  ever 
stood  in  boots  would  find  no  favor  in  the  widow's  (that  is 
to  be)  eyes  with  any  such  article.  So  great  is  her  dread  of 
them,  if  she  passes  a  store  where  they  are  hung  out  for  sale 
she  hastens  by,  expecting  every  moment  the  devil  will  jump 
out  with  a  long  pin  and  cry  out,  "Now  Hi  ham  going  to 
leave  you.  Then  you'll  see  'ow  you'll  get  hon."  So  vivid 
may  the  imagination  become  by  constant  operation. 

Joel  was  about  to  graduate  with  high  honors,  when  a  cir 
cumstance  occurred  which  brought  him  for  the  time  being 
into  disfavor  with  the  professors. 

For  some  time  there  had  been  a  strange-looking  man  lurk 
ing  about  the  premises.  He  watched  the  young  men  as  they 
went  in  and  came  out,  looking  each  one  over  separately. 
At  last,  one  day,  he  asked  one  of  them  if  there  was  a  young- 
man  there  they  call  Joel,  and  sometimes  Joe  Junk. 

"  Will  you  tell  him  a  friend — a  very  dear  friend — would 
like  to  speak  with  him  ?" 

Certainly  the  young  man  would  convey  the  message.  It 
was  now  the  very  atmosphere  was  rife  with  whisperings  and 
doubts  concerning  the  relationship  of  Joel  and  this  man. 
Some  said  he  was  Joel's  father;  some  said  he  was  a  thief; 
another  a  robber,  with  whom  Joel  was  in  league;  that  was 
where  the  money  came  from  with  which  he  pursued  his 
studies.  Such  of  the  students  as  he  had  left  in  the  rear 
manufactured  all  sorts  of  stories,  and  peddled  them  every 
where.  Joel  could  have  explained  everything,  and  it  was 
better  had  he  done  so.  The  more  they  gave  vent  to  their 
curiosity,  the  more  determined  he  became  not  to  tell. 

When  Joel  went  out  to  speak  to  the  man,  all  eyes  were 
upon  him,  and  a  few  of  the  more  ill-bred  ones  walked  at  a 
convenient  distance  to  catch,  if  possible,  what  passed  be 
tween  them. 


THAT   MAN    IS    NO    GOOD.  265 

"Did  you  -wish  to  speak  to  me,  Sir?  My  name  is  Joel 
Junk." 

"  My  bonny  lad,  how  much  time  ha'  ye  to  ga'  ?" 

"  A  quarter  of  an  hour,"  returned  Joel. 

"That'll  nae  be  long  enou'.  Can  ye  come  out  to  yon 
clump  o'  trees  ?  I  ha'  somewhat  to  say  ye/' 

Joel's  thoughts  ran  quickly  back  to  the  man  who  called 
himself  his  father;  he  thought  of  the  package.  Maybe  the 
man  could  tell  him  something. 

"I  will  be  there  at  seven  o'clock,"  said  Joel. 

"  Thank  thee,  lad."  The  man's  hat  was  off  again,  and, 
with  Another  bow,  he  walked  away. 

Many  mingled  doubts  and  fears  beset  Joel's  mind  during 
the  day.  His  impressive  mind  took  in  many  things.  Some 
way  he  felt  that  meeting  with  this  man  was  an  event  in  his 
life  which  would  be  marked  with  peculiar  results.  One 
moment  he  thought  it  would  be  good,  the  next  evil. 

"Junk,  what  man  was  that  you  were  speaking  with?" 
said  Albert  Mayo,  a  young  man  that  was  in  Joel's  class,  and 
who  was  Joel's  true  friend. 

"  I  do  not  know  his  name." 

"  What  did  he  want  with  you  ?" 

"  He  wanted  to  speak  with  me  alone." 

"Ah!  he  did,  did  he  ?  Now,  look  here,  Joe,  that  man  is 
not  good,  depend  upon  it.  Are  you  going  to- give  him  a 
chance  to  speak,  to  you  alone  ?" 

"  Certainly." 

"When?" 

"  To-night,  at  seven  o'clock." 

"  Joe,  I  don't  wish  to  pry  into  your  affairs,  but  don't  go 
alone;  let  me  accompany  you." 

"  But  he  will  not  tell  me  what  he  has  to  say  unless  I  go 
alone." 

"  I  shan't  give  my  consent  to  your  meeting  that  man 
alone." 

Joel  burst  into  a  fit  of  laughter,  and  elapsed  Albert's 
hand  with  a  hearty  grip,  and  said: 


266  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

""Why,  you  talk  as  if  the  man  would  eat  me  up.  If  he 
were  to  attack  me  I  could  throw  him  over  the  trees/' 

"  He  might  have  help  within  hailing  distance." 

"  If  I  were  a  beautiful  young  lady,  there  might  be  some 
danger  of  my  being  abducted.  How  romantic !  You  could 
fly  to  my  rescue.  We  should  fall  in  love  with  each  other. 
Your  father  or  my  mother  would  object:  then  wre  should 
elope — and  it  would  be  a  first-class  live  novel." 

"  Joe,  I  do  not  feel  like  laughing  about  this.  It  seems 
to  me  serious.  You  know  that  big  rock,  just  the  other  side 
of  the  brook,  before  you  come  to  the  trees?  I  shall  hide 
behind  that.  Here,  take  this/'  and  Albert  handed  Joel  a 
tin  whistle;  "if  you  are  in  danger  blow  that,  and  here  is 
something  more  you  must  take,"  and  he  handed  Joel  a 
revolver. 

"  Oh,  Albert,  I  shall  have  no  use  for  such  a  weapon  as 
this." 

"You  don't  know.     I  believe  in  being  on  the  safe  side." 

"I  have  a  horror  of  such  things.  I  have  never  earned 
one  in  my  life;  I  never  believed  in  them." 

"  But  you  would  feel  justified  in  using  one  in  self-defense, 
would  you  not?" 

"  I  suppose  so;  but  what  can  this  man  want  of  me  ?  Not 
money,  surely." 

"I  don't  know  what  this  man  wants  of  you,  but  I  have  a 
feeling  that  it  is  something  not  quite  right.  I  feel  he  is  an 
evil  emissary  for  some  one  else." 

Albert  Mayo  was  a  large,  powerful  young  man  of  twenty- 
two  years  of  age.  As  an  athlete  there  was  not  one  in  the 
University  that  could  equal  him.  Albert  Mayo  dearly  loved 
Joel.  He  was  a  wit,  and  very  brave.  There  were  number 
less  students  that  winced  under  the  lash  of  his  tongue. 
They  were  not  wont  to  speak  out  their  disfavor  of  Joel 
in  his  presence.  Withal,  he  had  wealth  and  high  social 
standing.  Members  of  his  family  belonged  to  the  world  of 
letters.  This  young  man  was  not  a  bit  of  a  bully,  but  brave 


THE    MEETING.  267 

and  just,  with  always  a  helping  hand  for  the  oppressed. 
He  had  always  protected  Joel  without  openly  taking  him 
under  his  wing.  Without  many  words,  the  two  understood 
each  other.  Long  before  seven  o'clock  that  night,  there 
came  on  a  drizzling  rain.  Being  in  the  winter  season,  some 
time  before  seven  the  heavens  were  overhung  by  one  im 
mense  cloud,  through  which  no  star  looked  down.  Albert 
Mayo  stood  with  his  greatcoat  buttoned  up  to  the  eyes. 

"Joe,  do  you  think  the  old  fool  will  keep  his  appoint 
ment?" 

"  I  don't  know;  I  shall  keep  mine." 

As  Joel  came  up  the  hillside,  upon  which  "  yon  clump  of 
trees"  stood,  he  saw  a  man  sitting  on  a  log.  He  was  so 
muffled  up  that  Joel  could  not  tell  if  it  was  the  same  man 
with  whom  he  had  made  the  appointment :  and  what  wonder 
a  man  should  be  muffled  up  on  such  a  night  as  this  ?  Joel 
walked  steadily  toward  him.  The  man  arose,  extended  his 
hand,  and  said,  in  round,  clear  English : 

"  Good  evening,  Joel!  You  did  not  expect  to  see  me,  did 
you?" 

"  No;  I  did  not.     How  did  you  come  here?5' 

"  On  my  feet." 

"  How  did  you  get  out  of  prison?" 

"  No  matter.     You  will  not  betray  me?" 

"  How  do  you  know  I  won't.  If  I  do  my  duty  I  shall, 
and  I  have  always  tried  to  do  that." 

"  You  talk  saucy  for  one  who  is  wholly  in  my  power." 

"  I  am  in  no  man's  power,"  said  Joel,  defiantly.  "  I  have 
never  done  anything  to  place  myself  in  the  power  of  any 
bad  man." 

"  Why,  you  little  fool,  I  could  blow  your  brains  out  in 
an  instant." 

"  Could  you?"  said  Joel,  standing  back.  "  Two  can  play 
at  that  game." 

"  Come,  come,  boy,  I  was  joking.  I  did  not  come  here 
to  murder  you.  What  an  unnatural  father  I  should  be  to 


268  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

kill  my  only  beloved  son !  And  what  an  unnatural  son  you 
would  be  to  deliver  up  your  only  father!" 

"  You  lie  like  a  thief  !    You  are  not  my  father." 

"  Take  care,  boy,  or  you  will  never  again  see  your  benev 
olent  Senator  or  his  daughter,  or  your  good  Mother  Junk. 
Besides,  what  will  all  your  friends  say?  What  will  the  pro 
fessors  at  the  University  say  when  they  learn  that  you  have 
had  a  private  interview  in  the  woods,  on  a  dark  night,  with 
an  escaped  convict?" 

"  They  would  say  I  was  indiscreet,  as  I  am,  to  come  out 
and  meet  a  thief — and  for  all  I  know  a  murderer." 

"You  would  be  expelled  and  disgraced.  The  Senator 
would  withdraw  his  favor,  and  you  would  step  clown  from 
a  respectable  young  gentleman  to  as  big  a  vagabond  as  I 
am!" 

The  very  thought  of  being  disgraced  in  this  way  made 
Joel's  senses  real. 

"  What  do  you  want  of  me?  Why  do  you  persecute  me? 
I  have  never  harmed  you.  You  cannot  use  me  in  your 
plots." 

"  Have  you  that  package  I  gave  you?" 

"  1  have." 

"  Have  you  opened  it?" 

"  No!    Did  I  not  tell  you  I  would  not?" 

"  Good!"  said  the  man.  "  Have  you  ever  told  any  one 
you  have  it?" 

"  No!  but  that  I  did  not  promise  you,  if  you  remember." 

"  I  want  it  now.  Will  you  bring  it  to  me  to-morrow 
night?" 

Joel  stood  as  if  reflecting. 

"  Come,  what  do  you  say?" 

"  There  are  three  conditions  upon  which  I  will  do  so." 

< 'Name  them." 

"  The  first  is,  that  I  shall  have  the  privilege  of  opening 
the  package;  the  second  is,  if  it  contains  naught  that  will 
be  an  injury  to  any  one,  if  it  contains  nothing  but  honora- 


WHAT   A   DIPLOMAT.  269 

ble  papers,  I  will  bring  them  to  you.  Now,  the  other  con 
dition  is,  that  you  shall  never  trouble  me  again,  or  cause 
others  to  do  so;  that  you  will  never  breathe  my  name  to 
any  living  soul.  If  you  wish  to  come  to  my  terms  I  can 
come  to  yours." 

The  man  bit  his  lips  until  the  blood  run.  He  gnashed 
his  teeth,  and  swore  oaths  that  no  connoisseur  of  swearing 
could  have  criticized. 

"Boy,  you  had  best  not  tamper  with  me.  I  will  have 
your  head  off  in  an  instant;"  and  he  made  a  start  toward 
Joel,  who  stood  back  a  few  paces. 

"Be  careful,  Sir;  I  do  not  fear  you."  There  was  some 
thing  about  the  impenetrable  coolness  of  Joel  that  stunned 
the  man.  He  was  foiled.  In  place  of  his  having  Joel  in 
his  power,  Joel  had  him. 

"Look  here,  Joe,  suppose  we  compromise  this  a  little. 
You  shall  open  the  package;  but  it  shall  be  done  in  my 
presence.  What  do  you  say  to  that  ?" 

"  Yes;  I  will  agree  to  it,  if  you  will  allow  me  to  bring 
three  well-armed  men  along." 

"  Why  these  armed  men?" 

"  To  protect  me  while  I  look  it  over:" 

"But  I  will  promise  no  harm  shall  come  to  you.  Have 
you  no  faith  in  my  word  ?" 

"  Not  a  particle,  Sir.  I  would  not  trust  you  one  quarter 
of  a  second.  If  you  do  not  see  fit  to  comply  with  my  con 
ditions,  well  and  good;  I  shall  place  the  package  in  safe 
hands,  with  instructions  to  open  it,  if  any  accident  should 
befall  me." 

"  What  do  you  mean  by  an  accident  befalling  you?" 

"  I  mean  in  case  I  should  be  killed  or  disappear  sud 
denly;  or  anything  of  that  sort." 

"Great  God!"  thought  the  man;  "he  has  divined  my 
thoughts."  He  was  livid  with  rage  and  fear.  He  waited  a 
moment  to  recover  his  sophistry. 

"Why,  Joe,   what  a  diplomat  you  would  make!    You 


270  MADAME   JANE   JUNK    AND    JOE. 

really  do  me  credit.  You  bid  fair  to  out-general  your 
father." 

"Is  our  interview  at  an  end?" 

"I  suppose  so,"  said  the  man.  "If  I  conclude  to  ac 
cept  your  conditions,  you  will  bring  me  the  package,  will 
you  ?" 

"Yes,"  said  Joel;  "but  it  will  take  half  a  day  to  read 
that  package  through." 

"  When  will  you  read  it  ?" 

"To-night." 

""Well,  you  can  do  so.  G-ood  night/'  said  the  man;  to 
which  Joel  returned  no  answer,  but  was  moving  away. 
When  he  had  walked  a  few  steps,  he  turned  suddenly  about 
and  shouted, 

"  Halloo,  Sir!  I  will  mention  one  thing  more.  To  avoid 
making  you  any  trouble,  Sir,  I  shall  provide  myself  against 
surprises." 

"  Now  what  do  you  mean?"  said  the  man. 

"  I  mean,  if  any  strange  visitors  design  making  me  a  call 
to-night  I  shall  be  ready  to  receive  them — that  is  all/'  said 
Joel,  walking  on. 

"The  hellion!"  muttered  the  man.  "  Where  ^has  the 
little  rat  learned  all  these  artful  dodges?"  He  is  adroit  as  a 
genuine  rogue.  So  much  for  old  Mother  Junk's  training." 

"  Well,  what  luck?"  said  a  man,  appearing  upon  the  spot 
where  Joel  had  stood  but  a  moment  before. 

"  None  at  all,''  said  the  first  man.  "  That  stripling  with 
his  quick  wit  is  a  match  for  any  four  of  us.  I  would  have 
choked  him  to  death,  but  that  would  not  bring  me  what  I 
want.  I  have  had  some  experience  with  devils  incarnate; 
but  he  carries  more  guns  than  any  human  being  I  ever  saw. 
He  had  the  impudence  to  turn  about  with  his  dare-devil 
front  and  tell  me  he  should  be  on  the  lookout  Jor  visitors." 

"  What  is  to  be  done  ?"  said  a  third  man,  coming  up. 

"  I  will  be  hanged  if  I  can  tell.  I  am  euchred."  The 
last  man  sat  down  upon  the  log,  and  pulled  out  a  flask  of 


THE    THREE    MEN.  271 

brandy.  "  Drink,  comrades,  drink.  I  am  chilled  to  the 
bones." 

"  And  I  am  in  a  burning  fever/'  said  Burns. 

"  Yes,  where  there  are  burns  there  must  be  fever."  Say 
ing  this,  the  man  lit  a  stump  of  a  pipe,  filled  with  vile- 
smelling  tobacco. 

"  Come  now,"  said  Burns;  "this  is  no  time  for  smoking. 
What  is  to  be  done  ?" 

"  Easy,  easy !  Let  a  body  take  a  whiff  or  two  just  to  quiet 
his  nerves.  We  can  fire  the  building,"  said  the  man,  after 
deliberating  a  moment. 

"  And  burn  up  just  the  thing  I  want  to  save  ?" 

"  No,"  said  the  man.  "  If  the  boy  is  as  sharp  as  you  say 
he  is,  he  will  hold  on  to  them  papers." 

"  But  suppose  all  the  inmates  should  be  destroyed,"  said 
Burns,  with  a  shudder. 

"  Poh!  we  won't  cheat  the  devil  in  that  way.  This  'ere 
building  is  a  long  way  from  the  city.  Before  help  could 
come,  it  would  be  as  good  as  gone.  I  will  holler  'Fire!' 
when  it  gets  agoing  brisk.  And  when  the  young  cove  comes 
out  I'll  throw  this  'ere  skin  over  his  head;  and  before  his 
friends  can  say  '  Jack  Robinson,'  I'll  have  him  out  of 
reach." 

"  That  is  a  good  plan,  if  I  was  only  sure  he  would  hold 
on  to  the  papers." 

"Oh,  he  will  do  that;  my  eye  for  it." 

"  What  is  done  must  be  done  quickly.  Where  is  old 
Jonas  Pictpink  ?" 

"  Back  here  a  ways." 

"  Go  for  him." 

"  Look  ahere :  no  shirking.  You  are  to  do  your  part  of 
this  work.  The  honors  are  easy,  and  we  will  divide  the 
same." 

' '  Who  has  thought  about  shirking  ?"  growled  Burns. 

Joel  had  not  more  than  reached  the  yard  at  the  University 
when  he  was  joined  by  Albert  Mayo, 


272  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE, 

"Anything  serious,  Joe?" 

"  Inclined  that  way/'  said  Joel.  "  Come  to  my  room." 
The  two  repaired  to  Joel's  room,  when  Joel  proceeded  to 
relate  as  much  of  his  past  and  present  life  as  the  situation 
demanded.  "  I  have  a  feeling  that  this  man  will  attempt  to 
break  in  and  get  this  package." 

"  It  would  be  a  huge  undertaking,"  said  Albert.  "  Just 
think  of  their  visiting  every  room  in  this  University-build 
ing  before  coming  to  yours!  No,  they  will  not  do  that;  but 
we  will  notify  the  authorities  early  in  the  morning,  and  have 
this  gentleman  looked  after.  That  man  is  no  more  your 
father  than  I  am.  But,  Joe,  let  us  keep  this  to  ourselves. 
If  the  snobs  should  get  hold  of  this,  it  would  be  enough  for 
them  to  tattle  about  for  six  months  to  come.  Open  the 
package;  and  if  everything  is  all  right,  keep  your  word  with 
him." 

' '  I  am  very  confident  I  shall  not  be  obliged  to  keep  my 
word.  Had  I  not  been  so,  I  should  not  have  made  him 
such  a  promise." 

"  Well,  I  will  leave  you  alone." 

"Hold  on,  Albert;  will  you  remain  with  me  to-night?" 

"  Why,  yes;  but  I  thought  you  would  prefer  to  be  alone 
when  you  opened  this  package." 

"If  anything  should  come  upon  me  unexpectedly,  I  want 
you  to  take  charge  of  these  papers;  I  want  you  to  care  for 
them  as  you  would  your  life." 

"  Why,  Joe,  what  is  the  matter  ?  You  don't  expect  to  be 
killed,  do  you?" 

"  I  don't  know  what  to  expect;  but  I  feel  that  some  mis 
fortune  will  befall  me." 

Albert  walked  back  and  laid  his  great  hand  on  Joel's 
shoulder,  looking  kindly  down  upon  him.  He  lifted  his 
hand  and  doubled  it  together;  it  made  a  lump  as  large  as 
an  infant's  head.  He  held  that  fist  up  before  his  own  eyes, 
and  lowered  at  it  from  underneath  his  brows. 

"Do  you  see  that?    Joe,  it  will  sweeten  your  misfortune; 


THE    HAND    OF    PROVIDENCE.  273 

it  is~not  much  of  an  ornament;  but  it  is  useful,  and  at  your 
service." 

"It  is  my  hand  of  Providence,"  said  Joel,  with  a  laugh. 

"  They  will  get  Providence,  and  what  it  designed  for 
them,  if  they  come  within  its  reach,"  replied  the  young  Her 
cules.  "Adieu!  I'll  be  with  you  again  soon." 

It  had  ceased  to  rain.  A  few  stars  had  ventured  forth, 
and  looked  down  upon  a  man  who  was  crawling  upon  all- 
fours  toward  the  rear  of  this  building.  He  intended  to 
bring  up  at  that  end  where  the  building  was  stored  with 
wood.  He  had  a  tinder-box,  and  all  the  apparatus  neces 
sary  for  insuring  a  good  fire.  He  understood  his  business; 
he  had  worked  at  his  trade  long  enough  to  master  it.  Over 
the  damp  grass  he  moved,  like  a  short  misshapen  snake. 
Now  his  head  was  raised  above  the  level  of  his  body,  in  a 
listening  attitude;  then  his  ear  was  laid  to  the  earth  like  an 
Indian's.  All  was  quiet,  as  was  natural.  Every  student 
was  preparing  his  task  for  the  next  day,  and  the  professors 
were  alike  busy.  This  serpent  would  build  none  of  your 
crackling  fires,  that  could  be  heard  above  the  music  of  the 
different  pianos;  no  crackling  should  be  heard  until  the 
right  time  came.  Nearer  and  nearer  this  reptile  came. 
When  he  had  reached  the  point,  he  stretched  himself  close 
to  the  dark  stone  underpinning  of  the  building,  and  lay  for 
some  moments  like  an  inanimate  log  of  wood.  Then  he 
took  out  a  flask.  His  drinking  was  as  easy  and  noiseless  as 
if  his  stomach  lay  in  the  roof  of  his  mouth.  Then  he 
began  crawling  again  around  the  building,  keeping  close  to 
the  dark  stone,  that  gave  no  contrast  in  color  to  his  clothing. 
When  he  came  round  to  the  door  where  the  fuel  was  kept, 
he  took  out  a  bunch  of  keys,  unlocked  the  padlock,  crept 
in,  and  built  a  fire  against  the  main  corner.  He  covered  it 
with  light  wood,  watched  it  get  well  started,  then  placed 
harder  wood  on.  He  took  from  his  pocket  a  strong  rope, 
that  had  a  hook  on  one  end;  this  he  threw  up  to  a  beam 
overhead.  The  hook  caught.  He  pulled  himself  up  the 
18 


274  MADAME    JANE    JUNK   AND   JOE. 

rope,  and  from  a  small  tin  box  he  took  out  some  black-look 
ing  stuff,  and  rubbed  it  on  the  boards  with  a  small  sponge. 
He  swung  to  and  fro,  and  laid  it  on  with  a  prodigal  hand. 
All  this  was  done  quickly.  Then  he  went  down  and  out, 
like  a  cat,  and  locked  the  door  again.  Down  he  crouched, 
and  around  the  house  he  crawled,  until  he  came  to  the 
window;  cut  out  a  pane  of  glass,  inserted  his  hand,  touched 
a  spring  softly,  moved  the  window  up;  then  down  again  to 
the  dark  stones,  crawling  to  the  rear.  He  crept  a  few 
paces,  and  was  on  his  feet.  At  first,  he  took  long  steps,  but 
light  ones;  a  few  paces  more,  and  he  broke  into  a  run.  He 
was  not  long  in  crossing  the  stream  and  up  the  hillside, 
where  he  found  Mr.  Burns  and  Jonas  Pictpink  anxiously 
waiting. 

"  The  job  is  did,  and  the  fun  will  begin  pretty  soon." 

"  You  villain!"  said  Mr.  Burns;  "you  were  to  stay  near 
by,  and  cry  Tire!'  " 

"You  fool!  I  have  built  your  fire;  now  you  may  warn 
the  folks/' 

Burns  trembled  in  every  fibre  of  his  body. 

"But  the  boy— who  is  to  take  him?" 

' '  I  and  Jonas  will  attend  to  that.  We  will  hide  our 
selves  near  by.  Jonas  knows  the  boy — I  don't.  If  he  will 
point  him  out,  I  will  make  for  him,  and,  in  the  hurly-burly, 
we  can  get  him  off  safe  enough. " 

"But  if  he  don't  have  the  papers,  I  don't  care  for  the 
boy.  I  had  rather  not  harm  him.  Can't  you  manage  to 
get  the  papers  without  taking  him  away?  " 

"  No;  it  would  take,  too  long.  We  know  where  we  can 
keep  him  safe  until  it  blows  over." 

"  How  long  must  we  wait  before  we  cry  fire?"  said  Mr. 
Burns. 

"  When  you  see  the  flames  licking  the  roof  of  this  end 
of  the  building,  then  run  as  fast  as  you  can  and  cry  fire. 
They  will  come  out  of  the  main  entrance  and  walk  toward 
that  little  hill  just  in  front  of  the  house.  See!  see!  up  she 
comes!  See  the  blaze !" 


THE    FIRE.  275 

And  true  enough,  while  they  were  talking,  the  flames 
broke  forth  in  all  their  fury.  Burns  ran  towards  the  build 
ing,  crying  "  Fire !"  as  a  man  might  who  was  gasping  for  his 
own  life.  It  was  a  useless  kindness  on  his  part,  as  the  in 
mates  had  discovered  it  themselves,  and  were  now  pressing 
out  in  crowds. 

Albert  Mayo  broke  into  Joel's  room,  where  he  had  just 
opened  the  package. 

' '  Joe !  Joe !  the  house  is  on  fire !' 

"On  fire?" 

"Yes.     Quick!    Hear  it  roar!" 

"  Oh,  Albert!  help  me  pick  up  these  papers." 

The  two  young  men  packed  together  with  nimble  fingers 
the  papers  that  lay  scattered  over  the  table. 

"  Here,  Albert,  I  give  them  to  you.  They  will  be  more 
safe  with  you  than  with  me/3 

"  Joe,  keep  close  to  me." 

And  the  two  young  men  ran  down  the  main  corridor,  and 
had  just  stepped  over  the  threshold  when  the  roof  fell  in. 
They  were  the  last  out.  All  was  wild  confusion.  The 
students  stood  with  uncovered  heads  and  watched  the  build 
ing.  Not  one  thing  was  saved  nor  one  soul  lost.  Joel 
stood  by  Albert's  side.  They  were  the  only  two  who  had 
any  definite  thought  as  to  the  origin  of  the  fire.  They  were 
conversing  in  whispers,  when  Joel  was  felled  to  the  ground. 
Quicker  than  thought  Albert  grappled  with  the  man.  That 
large,  useful  hand  was  at  the  man's  throat.  "With  one  pow 
erful  lunge  the  man  was  over  Albert.  Again  that  great 
hand  crept  up  to  the  man's  throat,  and  by  a  mighty  effort 
the  man  was  under  the  student.  By  this  time  the  whole 
body  of  students  were  standing  about,  when  Albert  cried 
out:  "  Stand  back,  boys!  Stand  back!  This  job  is  mine, 
and  I  intend  to  finish  it,"  and  he  showered  the  blows  in 
the  man's  face  with  vehemence.  "  Knock  a  peaceful  stu 
dent  down,  will  you?"  and  he  struck  him  again.  "  You 
thief  !  you  vagabond  on  the  face  of  the  earth,  prowling 


276  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

around  here!  Take  that!  and  that!"  dealing  him  a  slap  on 
each  side  of  the  face  by  the  way  of  a  finisher.  "  "When  I 
have  done  with  you  I  will  hand  you  over  to  the  law.  But 
hold  on,  boys.  I  guess  we  had  better  hang  him  up  to  this 
tree;  it  all  depends  upon  himself  if  we  do  or  not." 

Albert  arose,  and  lifted  the  man  up  as  an  old  cat  takes 
up  a  kitten.  He  stood  the  man  up  beside  a  tree,  while  all 
the  students  gathered  about.  Albert  stepped  back  a  step 
or  two,  folded  his  arms,  and  proceeded  to  examine  the  pris 
oner. 

""Where  is  Joe  Junk?"  said  Albert,  looking  anxiously 
about.  "Here,  Joe!  Come  this  way;  I  am  going  to  be 
judge  and  jury.  Ho,  Joe!  come;  are  you  hurt  much?" 

But  no  Joe  was  to  be  found.  The  students  in  twos  and 
threes  looked  everywhere  over  the  grounds,  while  Albert 
stood  guard,  with  his  fist  in  uncomfortable  proximity  to  the 
man's  face. 

"  Joel  Junk  is  not  to  be  found,"  was  the  report. 

Albert  lowered  his  fist,  and  leaned  his  face  toward  the 
man.  As  the  light  of  the  burning  building  fell  on  the 
young  man's  face,  it  looked  like  marble,  and  was  as  motion 
less,  except  that  the  blue  eyes  twitched.  For  a  moment 
there  was  no  sound  but  the  crackling  of  the  fire.  The  pro 
fessors  and  students  formed  a  large  circle  around  these  two 
central  figures.  When  Albert  spoke,  it  was  as  follows: 

"  If  I  was  joking  with  you  before,  I  am  in  earnest  now. 
Where  is  Joel  Junk?" 

"  I  cannot  tell  you  where  he  is  just  now." 

Albert  stepped  close  to  the  man  and  whispered  something 
which  made  the  man  start. 

"  Where  is  Joel  Junk?"  said  Albert,  in  a  very  high  tone 
of  voice. 

"  They  have  taken  him  away." 

"What  for?" 

"Not  to  harm  him.  The  boy  had  something  that  be 
longed  to  them,  and  he  would  not  give  it  up." 


PLEASE    GIVE    ME    A    PENNY.  277 

fe  Oh!  a  wonderful  yarn!" 

' '  Would  you  hang  me  like  a  dog  ?" 

"  No;  a  dog  would  behave  better  than  you  do;  but  if  we 
should  hang  you,  the  world  would  be  much  obliged  to  us, 
depend  upon  it,"  and  his  great  hand  swung  up  over  the 
heads  of  the  people. 

"Now,  who  of  you  will  help  conduct  this  gentleman  to 
safe  quarters?" 

The  older  men  pressed  forward  and  thought  it  best  to 
secure  him  first.  The  alarm  of  fire  had  reached  the  city 
(the  University  being  some  five  miles  from  the  city).  The 
fire  company  came  clattering  up,  but  unfortunately  too  late 
to  be  of  any  service  so  far  as  extinguishing  the  fire  went. 
It  was  creeping  on  toward  morning,  and  here  were  all  these 
bareheaded  students,  without  overcoats,  who  began  to  feel 
cool,  now  that  the  fire  was  out.  Mr.  Burns  had  his  hands 
tied  behind  him,  and  his  feet  in  front  of  him.  He  was  lifted 
to  a  seat  on  one  of  the  hose-carts.  Albert  Mayo  took  a  seat 
beside  him;  he  tied  a  white  handkerchief  over  his  own  head 
which  gave  him  the  appearance  of  an  old  Irishwoman  in  a 
nightcap.  The  fashion  soon  spread,  and  the  several  hose- 
carts  were  loaded  with  as  many  students  as  could  be  accom 
modated,  and  every  student  had  on  his  nightcap.  As  it 
would  be  some  time  before  sunrise,  and  before  they  would 
arrive  in  town,  Albert  proposed  to  sing,  on  enteriDg  the 
city,  "  Please  give  me  a  penny,  I  want  to  buy  some  bread." 
It  was  in  vain  the  professors  expostulated  against  such  un 
dignified  proceedings  as  riding  into  the  city  on  hose-carts, 
with  heads  tied  up  in  white  handkerchiefs,  and  singing 
"  Please  give  me  a  penny,  I  want  to  buy  some  bread." 

All  who  know  anything  about  college  students  understand 
that,  no  matter  how  sad  the  occasion  may  be,  if  there  is  any 
sport  they  are  going  to  have  it.  Even  Mr.  Burns,  although 
he  was  in  no  enviable  mood,  could  not  suppress  a  smile  at 
the  ludicrousness  of  the  situation. 

"If  you  can  hold  your  yawp  long  enough,  I  should  like 


278  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

to  speak  to  you,"  said  that  gentleman,  turning  his  head 
toward  Albert.  The  young  man  looked  into  Mr.  Burns's 
eyes,  and  made  the  following  apt  quotation  from  King 
Richard : 

"  Pleads  he  in  earnest?    Look  upon  his  face. 
His  eyes  do  drop  no  tear,  his  words 
Come  from  his  mouth!     Ours  from 

Our  breast.     He  prays  but  faintly,  and  would  be  denied; 
We  pray  with  heart  and  soul,  and  all  beside. 
His  weary  joints  would  gladly  rise,  I  know." 

"Young  sprig,"  said  Mr.  Burns,  "I  have  no  time  to 
spend  in  quotations.  I  want  to  talk  of  the  boy." 

"What  boy?" 

"Joel,  your  friend." 

"Proceed,"  said  Albert,  now  all  attention. 

"You  have  done  so  much,  you  can  do  more.  Find  Joel, 
tell  him  to  open  the  package  and  establish  himself  at  once." 

' '  Can  you  tell  me  where  I  shall  find  him  ?  " 

"Yes,"  and  the  man  related  the  ins  and  outs  of  an  intricate 
underground  place  where  Joel  would  be  found.  "But  don't 
go  without  plenty  of  help;  you  might  pay  for  it  with  your 
life.  The  jig  is  up  with  me.  I  might  as  well  make  a  clean 
breast  of  it.  Now,  for  what  I  have  told  you,  I  hope  you 
will  do  me  a  little  favor." 

"If  it  is  anything  within  reason,  certainly." 

"Find  Madame  Junk,  and  send  her  to  me. 

"That  is  Joel's  mother,  is  it  not?  " 

"No,  she  is  not  Joel's  mother;  she  has  only  acted  in  that 
capacity  for  a  number  of  years.  Will  you  come  in  and 
see  me?" 

"What  for?" 

"  I  want  to  talk  to  you.     I  like  your  pluck." 

"  I  will  think  of  it." 

By  this  time  they  had  reached  the  city,  and  the  whole 
line  of  hose-carts  were  drawn  up  in  front  of  the  county 
jail.  Albert  jumped  off,  lifted  Mr.  Burns  down;  and, 


FOR   THE    FUN   OF    IT  279 

placing  his  back  to  the  back  of  Mr.  Burns,  he  shouldered 
him  as  he  would  a  bag  of  wheat,  amid  the  laughter  of  the 
crowd. 

"You  fool!  why  do  you  deliver  me  in  this  way?" 

"  For  the  fun  of  it.  Please,  Sir,  give  me  a  penny;  I 
want  to  buy  a  loaf  of  bread."  Albert  made  for  the  door, 
and  began  vigorously  kicking  it.  It  was  soon  opened  by 
the  official.  Albert  walked  in  and  dumped  his  burden. 

' '  What !     Burns  back  again  ?" 

' '  Lock  him  up !  Lock  him  up  1"  said  Albert.  "  Ha !  ha ! 
old  boy!  Before  you  undertake  another  job  of  this  sort, 
find  out  how  much  muscle  there  is  in  the  house.  Don't 
count  chickens  or  geese  where  there  may  be  strong  mules." 
Albert  slapped  his  breast  pocket.  "  It  is  all  safe  here ;"  lifted 
his  great  hand,  and  said:  "  Let  justice  be  done,  though 
the  heavens  fall."  He  swung  himself  out,  and  his  long 
legs  loped  off  at  a  brisk  pace. 

Such  of  the  students  as  had  homes  in  the  city  took  such 
as  did  not  home  with  them.  The  next  morning  the  city 
papers  contained  a  graphic  description  of  the  burning  build 
ing,  and  the  catching  of  the  robber  by  a  stalwart  young 
student,  and  the  dragging  off  of  Joel.  The  press  informed 
the  readers  that  the  robber  was  caught  by  young  Mayo, 
bound  hand  and  foot;  and  that  the  young  man  brought  the 
robber  a  distance  of  ten  miles  on  his  back. 

Newsboys  were  everywhere  crying,  "Morning  Express!" 
"Morning  Gazette!"  "All  about  the  fire!  and  a  young 
man  that  backed  a  robber  ten  miles!"  "  Morning  Gazette, 
Sir;  only  a  dime?" 

Albert  repaired  to  his  home;  took  breakfast,  and  his  hat. 
He  went  up-stairs  to  make  a  call  at  the  home  of  his  canes; 
he  took  from  the  closet  a  dozen  or  more,  and  selected  the 
one  he  could  depend  upon.  It  was  a  good  heavy  walking- 
stick,  not  likely  to  break  with  the  weight  of  a  man's  body. 
Albert  was  unprincipled  enough  to  suppose  that  he  knew 
where  there  were  heads  aching  for  an  outward  application 


2  So  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

of  this  faithful  staff.  And  it  was  his  intention  not  to  keep 
them  waiting  long.  Once  out  upon  the  walk,  at  every 
other  step  he  brought  this  cane  down  upon  the  flagstones 
with  a  vim  that  would  have  cracked  a  black-walnut.  Albert 
was  not  long  in  finding  the  Chief  of  Police,  to  whom  he  re 
lated  a  portion  of  what  Burns  had  told  him,  reserving  that 
part  which  would  make  it  necessary  for  him  to  accompany 
the  posse.  There  would  be  no  dilly-dallying.  Joel  would 
be  released  at  once.  There  would  be  no  smelling  around 
for  a  week  or  so,  for  the  purpose  of  impressing  upon  the 
public  a  wonderful  achievement,  for  which  said  public,  out 
of  sheer  gratitude  to  municipal  authority,  would  throw  in 
a  large  perquisite.  The  young  Hercules  would  take  the 
authority  into  his  own  hands.  If  the  press  had  allowed 
him  to  back  a  criminal  ten  miles  bareheaded,  and  without 
stopping  to  take  a  drink  of  water,  they  will  allow  him  to  do 
more. 


CHAPTEK  XXXIV. 

RESCUED  AND  RESTORED  TO  LIFE— THE  MOURNERS- 
A  FUNERAL  BY  MOONLIGHT. 

THE  Chief  of  Police,  with  three  trusty  men,  and  Albert, 
set  out  for  that  obscure  part  of  the  city  which  had 
been  described  to  Albert  as  being  the  place  where  they 
would  find  Joel.  "When  they  arrived  on  the  spot,  there  was 
an  old  tumble-down  building,  that  was  not  inhabited  by 
anything.  They  looked  in  the  windows;  there  was  nothing 
to  be  seen  but  mildew  on  the  walls,  and  some  straw  on  the 
floor.  The  windows  and  doors  were  fastened  securely. 
They  were  not  long  in  effecting  an  entrance  at  one  of  the 
windows.  In  the  back  yard  was  a  shed,  inclosed  upon 
three  sides.  This  they  walked  around  several  times.  At 
last  Albert  discovered  a  plank  that  seemed  loose;  he  stooped 
and  pulled  it  from  it£  place.  A  hole  was  dug  out  about 
three  feet  in  depth .  He  could  see  to  the  bottom.  Of  course 
there  was  nothing.  The  rest  of  the  planks  that  made  the 
floor  were  all  fastened  down  with  heavy  spikes.  Albert  and 
the  Chief  exchanged  looks.  The  Chief  said  we  must  have 
an  axe,  and  a  man  was  sent  for  it.  "While  he  was  gone,  they 
began  to  examine  more  closely.  Albert  ran  his  cane  in 
under  the  floor. 

' '  You  see  the  hole  where  they  descended  must  be  five  feet 
from  this  point."  It  was  totally  dark.  They  could  not  see 
it  even  with  the  aid  of  a  light.  "  Here  is  the  nest,  you  can 
be  sure,"  said  Albert;  "  and  if  the  foxes  are  in  we  are 
lucky." 


282  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"Foxes  or  polecats,  we  will  have  them,"  returned  the 
Chief. 

By  this  time  the  man  had  returned  with  the  axe. 

"  Let  me  have  it,"  said  Albert;  and  he  rained  sledge 
hammer  blows  that  made  the  slivers  fly  in  every  direction. 
The  perspiration  ran  from  the  young  Hercules'  brow.  He 
wielded  the  axe  like  an  old  woodsman,  and  one  by  one  the 
planks  gave  way  beneath  his  blows. 

The  men  frequently  proposed  to  relieve  him;  but  no!  he 
could  not  wait.  Hector  dragging  Achilles  three  times  around 
the  walls  of  Troy  was  not  done  in  more  deadly  hate  than  he 
struck  those  blows. 

At  last  the  five  feet  were  gained,  and  disclosed  an  aper 
ture  of  three  feet  square;  large  enough  to  have  lowered  a 
combination  safe.  Albert  seized  his  faithful  staff,  and  was 
the  first  to  descend.  The  Chief  and  his  men  followed.  The 
room  they  found  themselves  in  was  dark;  they  made  a  light, 
and  proceeded  to  examine  it.  There  were  a  small  table,  a 
broken  chair,  and  an  empty  barrel;  that  was  all.  The  soil 
was  sandy,  and  full  of  small  pebble-stones.  Albert  took 
his  cane,  and  began  at  one  end  of  the  wall,  and  struck  it 
every  few  inches.  In  this  way  he  came  upon  what  seemed 
to  be  aboard;  it  was  covered  with  the  real  soil,  and  pebble 
stones  were  interspersed  here  and  there,  making  it  look  like 
solid  earth. 

"  This  way,  gentlemen,"  and  Albert  laid  his  shoulder 
against  it. 

The  place  fell  in  with  a  crash,  and  Albert  walked  in  over 
it.  As  in  the  other,  there  was  no  live  thing  to  be  seen. 
Beside  the  wall  was  a  high  bin,  such  as  farmers  build  in 
their  barns  for  grain.  They  took  the  light,  and  walked 
around  it;  it  was  filled  with  clothing — coats,  hats,  and  boots. 
Albert  plunged  in  his  long  arms,  lifted  out  armfuls,  and 
threw  them  on  the  earth.  Once  his  hand  came  in  contact 
with  a  dead  body.  He  started  back,  but  bade  the  man  bring 
the  light. 


OVERCOME    WITH   JOY.  283 

Great  God!  there  lay  Joel,  dead!  His  feet  and  hands 
were  tied,  and  there  was  a  gag  in  his  mouth.  Albert  lifted 
him  out,  and  took  the  gag  from  his  mouth. 

"Quick,  men,  quick,  for  God's  sake!  give  me  something 
to  restore  him." 

"But  he  is  dead,"  said  the  Chief. 

"  No,  no;  he  is  not." 

One  of  the  officers  happened  to  have  a  flask  of  brandy, 
which  he  handed  to  Albert,  who  poured  it  down  Joel's 
throat,  and  chafed  his  brow. 

"  Untie  his  feet,  men;  the  blood  cannot  circulate;  rub  his 
limbs;  take  off  his  shoes.  There,  there,  he  is  alive!" 

Albert  was  so  overcome  with  joy  that  the  tears  flowed. 
He  hugged  Joel  in  his  strong  arms.  He  ran  from  one  side 
of  the  room  to  the  other,  bearing  Joel  at  every  step.  He 
placed  his  great  hand  on  Joel's  forehead,  and  stroked  back 
his  hair. 

"Don't  try  to  speak,  Joe;  don't  say  one  word  until  you 
are  stronger.  Run,  men,  run,  and  bring  something  to  eat 
and  drink,  and  a  carriage — quick." 

Albert  ordered  as  if  he  were  at  the  head  of  the  entire 
municipal  force,  and  they  were  bound  to  obey  him.  Albert 
would  not  allow  Joel  to  do  more  than  nod  his  head  for  yes, 
and  shake  it  for  no.  He  tended  him  with  as  much  care  as 
a  mother  does  her  first-born.  He  stood  him  on  his  feet. 
He  gave  him  another  swallow  of  the  liquor. 

"Come  now,  Joe,  try  and  walk  a  step.  There,  lean  on 
me — so;"  and  his  arm  was  round  Joel,  who  feebly  dragged 
his  feet  along. 

Albert  did  not  know  the  extent  of  Joel's  injuries.  The 
men  soon  returned  with  hot  soup,  which  Albert  spooned  up 
to  Joel's  mouth,  as  if  he  were  an  infant.  He  then  took 
him  up  bodily,  and  bore  him  out  of  this  underground  place 
into  the  open  air.  He  placed  him  in  the  carriage,  and  took 
a  seat  beside  him.  The  Chief  accompanied  them.  Albert 
bade  the  driver  make  all  possible  speed  to  his  residence,  the 


284  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

Chief  all  the  time  looking  anxiously  at  Joel.  He  was  won 
dering  in  his  mind  how  long  it  would  be  before  Joel  could 
give  a  detailed  account  of  the  proceedings.  Every  now  and 
then  a  suppressed  groan  escaped  Joel's  lips,  which  told 
that  he  was  suffering.  When  the  carriage  arrived  before  the 
door  of  the  Mayo  mansion,  Albert  informed  the  detective 
that  he  would  learn  as  soon  as  possible  from  Joel  all  that 
had  happened.  Albert  lifted  Joel  out,  and  bore  him  up  the 
long  flight  of  steps  that  led  to  the  street-door.  He  rang  the 
bell  so  violently,  that  it  gave  the  inmates  to  understand  it 
was  no  ordinary  call.  "When  Albert  entered  the  hall,  Joel 
had  fainted  dead  away. 

"Mother!  mother!  Call  mother;"  and  Albert  ran  to 
his  mother's  room,  and  laid  Joel  on  her  bed.  He  flew  to 
the  dresser,  and  in  the  twinkling  of  an  eye  that  good  lady's 
cologne  greatly  diminished.  At  last,  that  good  mother  ap 
peared  upon  the  scene. 

""Why,  my  son,  what  is  the  matter?" 

' '  Send  for  a  doctor,  and  make  a  room  ready  for  our 
friend." 

The  good  mother  flew  hither  and  thither. 

"  Oh,  Albert!  I  am  done  for." 

"Not  a  bit  of  it,  Joe." 

Albert  took  Joel  up  again,  and  carried  him  to  the  room 
made  ready  for  him  by  the  good  mother.  She  followed 
closely  in  her  son's  steps.  Now  the  palm  of  her  hand  was 
stretched  forth  to  support  Joel's  head,  and  now  his  feet. 
With  her  feelings  she  bore  the  weight  of  Joel's  body.  She 
shook  up  the  pillow  upon  which  Joel's  head  was  to  lie, 
beckoned  Albert  to  the  other  side  of  the  room,  held  a  whis 
pered  conversation  of  a  few  minutes,  glided  out,  and  returned 
with  an  armful  of  white  goods.  Albert  began  undressing 
Joel.  The  good  mother  had  to  assist  in  removing  the  coat, 
a  task  they  seemed  never  likely  to  accomplish,  for  the  least 
move  about  the  upper  part  of  the  body  caused  him  such 
pain. 


A    NEW    ENGLAND    WOMAN.  285 

"Albert,  I  think  some  of  my  ribs  are  broken;"  at  which 
the  good  mother  grew  white,  and  with  tears  in  her  eyes 
said: 

"Have  courage,  my  dear  boy;  you  are  with  your  friends; 
everything  shall  be  done  for  you."  She  did  not  trust  her 
self  to  say  more.  At  last  the  troublesome  garment  was 
removed,  and  the  good  mother  retired.  By  this  time, 
the  doctor  arrived  and  proceeded  to  examine  him  in  true 
professional  style,  thumping  him  here  and  sounding  him 
there.  He  was  not  long  in  discovering  that  two  ribs  were 
broken;  the  skin  was  raked  from  the  shoulder-blades,  and 
the  flesh  of  the  arms  was  entirely  blue.  It  was  a  wonder  to 
Albert  how  Joel  could  have  endured  to  have  been  handled 
so  roughly.  Now  came  the  painful  process  of  setting  Joel 
to  rights.  A  surgeon  was  sent  for,  and  the  two  began  their 
work. 

A  fever  sat  in,  and  Joel's  life  was  in  danger.  Albert  was 
about  to  go  in  quest  of  Madame  Junk,  when  there  was  a 
violent  ring  at  the  door,  and  a  servant  announced  Madame 
Junk.  There  was  no  ceremony  of  introduction.  She  rushed 
wildly  to  the  bedside  of  Joel,  who  lay  unconscious.  She 
stooped  and  kissed  his  forehead,  raised  her  eyes  and  hands 
toward  heaven,  and  her  lips  moved  in  prayer.  In  those 
whispered  utterances  she  was  asking  God  in  His  goodness 
to  spare  the  boy,  and  it  was  responded  to  by  a  fervent  amen 
from  Albert  and  his  good  mother.  Why  do  we  speak  of 
Mrs.  Mayo  as  Albert's  good  mother?  Because  it  is  the 
highest  title  we  can  give  her.  It  is  the  highest  title  vouch 
safed  by  God  to  woman.  There  is  no  great  grown,  true 
boy  in  all  the  world  that  does  not  agree  with  us  in  this. 
Mother  to  him  is  a  holy  word.  It  is  the  first  word  he  learns 
to  lisp,  and  most  sacredly  does  he  cherish  that  name  for  all 
eternity.  Albert's  good  mother  was  a  New  England  woman 
of  that  type  which  is  an  honor  to  our  country.  She  was 
round,  and,  as  Captain  Marryatt  would  say,  as  "  plump  as 
a  gooseberry."  Her  florid  face  was  bright  and  smiling,  the 


286  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

picture  of  health;  just  the  sort  of  a  woman  to  give  birth  to 
strong  and  hardy  sons.  Not  necessarily  all  physical,  for 
nature,  in  her  wise  distribution,  had  balanced  the  scales 
finely.  There  was  a  harmony  about  our  good  mother  that 
made  her  lovable  to  all.  The  door  of  her  large  heart  was 
opened  to  the  poor  and  oppressed.  She  loved  her  son  as 
only  a  mother  can  love.  She  had  looked  with  pride  upon 
him  from  a  little  boy  in  dresses  up  to  the  present  time. 
She  was  proud  of  his  daring,  outspoken  nature.  She  was 
pleased  that,  as  a  man,  no  conventional  rules  or  social  caste 
could  govern  him.  It  was  the  right  and  just  he  lived  by. 
When  he  was  a  very  little  fellow  he  would  play  with  the 
washerwoman's  son,  no  matter  how  much  his  father  be 
labored  him  on  the  impropriety  of  the  thing;  the  washer 
woman's  son  was  a  boy,  and  he  was  a  boy.  Albert  thought 
a  boy  is  a  boy,  any  how.  He  never  could  see  how  one  good 
boy  was  any  better  than  another  good  boy. 

"While  Joel  lay  ill  with  a  fever  we  will  not  attempt  to  tell 
all  he  passed  through,  but  wait  for  him  to  recover  and  tell 
the  story  himself. 

Samuel  Blower  was  ill  also,  and  that  past  recovery.  We 
have  promised  our  bachelor  friends  that  Betsy  should  be  a 
widow,  and  we  will  keep  our  word  if  we  have  to  give  Sam 
uel  a  whole  paper  of  pins  at  one  potion.  Poor  Madame 
Junk !  Her  attention  was  pretty  well  divided  between  the 
two  houses.  It  was  now  that  Mary  had  an  opportunity  to 
return  to  Madame  Junk  the  kindness  which  that  lady  had 
bestowed  upon  her.  Mary  was  domiciled  with  the  Blowers. 
She  prepared  different  little  nice  things  for  the  fastidious 
taste  of  Samuel,  who  scolded  her  at  will;  and  it  would  have 
been  unbearable,  but  that  it  was  known  that  he  must  soon 
render  up  his  earthly  accounts,  and  there  is  no  heart  so 
obdurate  that  it  will  not  soften  at  the  approach  of  death. 

Six  weeks  is  a  long  time  to  be  confined  to  one's  bed — so 
thought  Joel.  He  was  convalescent  now;  he  could  sit  for 
an  hour  in  an  easy-chair.  Many  and  many  a  night  did  Al- 


CRAPE    ON    THE    DOOR.  287 

bert  sit  by  Joel's  bedside  until  the  gray  dawn  of  morning, 
then  to  be  relieved  by  his  good  mother,  who  glided  in  like 
an  animated  feather.  You  could  see  her  bending  her  head 
over  Joel,  listening  to  his  breathing,  and  placing  her  thumb 
and  forefinger  on  his  pulse,  and  with  anxious  face  counting 
the  breathings. 

Once  Miss  Busy  called  while  Joel  was  delirious.  She 
shook  her  head  doubtfully,  and  went  away  with  great  tears 
rolling  down  over  her  bonnet  ties. 

There  was  crape  on  the  door  at  the  Blower  mansion. 
Betsy's  mourning  was  being  made  ready.  There  was  a 
hushed  feeling  throughout  the  house.  The  inmates  were 
speaking  in  low  tones,  as  if  fearing  to  disturb  the  dead.  The 
undertaker's  hearse  was  in  front  of  the  house,  and  Madame 
Junk  was  conducting  the  arrangements  for  the  funeral, 
which  was  to  take  place  at  two  o'clock  P.M.,  at  the  residence 
of  the  deceased.  There  were  no  mourners  except  the  widow, 
Madame  Junk  and  Mary.  It  is  not  supposable  that  the 
latter  could  come  under  the  head  of  mourners,  but  she 
would  do  for  black  filling,  and  with  this  view  she  was  ar 
rayed  in  black  from  top  to  toe.  Had  it  been  in  her  power, 
Madame  Junk  would  have  enlisted  Miss  Busy  in  the  mourn 
ing  role,  so  anxious  was  she  that  the  descendants  of  Oliver 
Cromwell  should  present  an  imposing  appearance  upon  the 
occasion  of  giving  back  to  mother  earth  one  of  their  family. 
Good  Dr.  S would  be  the  officiating  clergyman.  Mad 
ame  Junk,  in  giving  him  a  few  notes  upon  which  to  touch 
during  the  discourse,  spoke  eloquently  of  Samuel's  good 
qualities,  and  touched  lightly  upon  the  bad  ones,  saying: 
"  Poor  man;  he  was  not  born  right."  In  the  midst  of  this 
conversation,  Betsy  appeared  upon  the  scene  with  black 
bonnet,  long  black  veil,  and  red  eyes. 

"  Jane,  I  would  like  to  speak  with  you  a  moment." 

Jane  stepped  to  the  next  room  with  her. 

"  Jane,  don't  you  think  if  Samuel  had  been  conscious  he 
would  have  requested  us  to  have  the  haversack  buried  with 


288       MADAME  JANE  JUNK  AND  JOE. 

him  ?  "We  could  easily  place  it  at  his  feet.  I  think  it  would 
please  him  to  take  it  along." 

Madame  Junk  looked  at  her  sister  and  actually  doubted 
her  sanity. 

"  I  will  attend  to  that." 

"  Do;  I  would  like  to  have  everything  done  to  please 
him." 

The  funeral  passed  off  much  as  such  occasions  do.  A  few 
neighbors  came  who  only  ride  in  a  carriage  at  funerals. 

That  night  there  was  another  funeral.  There  was  only 
one  undertaker  and  one  mourner,  one  minister  and  one 
sexton;  and  Madame  Junk  embodied  them  all.  The  full 
moon  was  high  up  in  the  heavens,  and  its  round  face  re 
flected  a  benign  light  upon  a  benevolent  action.  Madame 
Junk  was  pressing  her  foot  upon  a  bright,  new  spade,  and 
lifting  spadefuls  of  fresh  earth  and  piling  it  beside  a  little 
hole  that  was  fast  growing  larger  from  her  vigorous  kicking 
of  the  spade.  Her  under-lip  was  held  fast  by  her  upper 
teeth.  At  last  the  gravre  was  deep  enough;  the  black  haver 
sack  was  laid  at  the  bottom  and  the  little  mound  of  soil 
again  disappeared.  Each  spadeful  was  trod  down  by  the 
weight  of  Madame  Junk's  body.  "When  the  last  spadeful 
was  deposited,  she  lay  down  the  spade  and  began  a  vigor 
ous  tramping.  She  worked  as  if  she  thought  this  house 
hold  horror  might  come  out  of  its  grave  and  stalk  through 
the  house  again.  Then  she  stooped,  and  with  her  long, 
slim  fingers  she  placed  the  green  sod  above  it.  There,  the 
haversack  is  planted  in  the  Widow  Blower's  back  yard.  Let 
us  hope  no  haversack-tree  will  spring  up,  and  some  morn 
ing,  when  the  widow  looks  out  of  her  window,  startle  her 
with  ripe  haversacks.  If  she  did  not  lose  her  reason  on 
thus  beholding  it,  she  would  pull  it  up,  root  and  branch. 

Thus  passed  away  a  man  whose  life  was  one  long  com 
plaint.  His  first  word  in  the  morning  was  a  complaint,  and 
the  last  one  at  night.  If  he  took  a  glass  of  water  in  the 
morning,  there  was  always  an  invisible  bug  in  it;  at  meal- 


ONE    LONG    COMPLAINT.  289 

times  there  was  a  bone  in  the  meat  (a  flaw  that  was  not  to 
be  found  in  his  country);  between  meals  he  filled  up  the 
time  by  complaining-  about  the  weather  and  the  ignorance 
of  the  American  people.  Madame  Junk  would  have  enjoyed 
doing  something  right  handsome  in  the  way  of  an  obituary, 
but  she  scorned  to  make  false  statements  or  set  forth  virtues 
the  man  did  not  possess. 


CHAPTEE  XXXY. 

A  SCENE  IN  PRISON— THE  POOR  EDITOR  THAT  WAS 
NOT  BORN  RIGHT. 

MRS.  GLEWER  has  chosen  from  the  shopmen  a  com 
petent  foreman,  whose  superintendence  far  excels 
Tom  in  his  best  days.  Kate  receives  frequent  letters  from 
Tom,  whose  health  is  poor.  Every  week  a  letter  comes, 
written  in  round,  schoolboy  hand.  Kate's  heart  warms  to 
ward  the  writer,  and  she  yearns  with  true  sympathy  and 
motherly  feeling  to  place  her  arms  around  the  boy;  her 
answers  are  written  at  length,  and  with  the  care  of  an  edu 
cator.  There  is  nothing  indigestible  for  a  weak  mind. 
George  is  a  young  man  in  years  and  size,  but  in  mind  he  is 
a  boy.  However,  he  is  coming  on  nicely  in  his  education, 
and,  through  his  beloved  adopted  mother,  will  make  a  use 
ful  citizen;  and  one  good,  useful  citizen  is  worth  a  dozen 
shooting  stars.  To  be  a  peaceful,  law-abiding  citizen,  and^ 
vote  the  right  ticket,  is  an  accomplishment  that  few  men 
attain. 

Kate  had  more  than  once  given  Mary  money  and  clothing, 
but  it  was  always  done  indirectly.  Madame  Junk  had  left 
Mary  with  the  Widow  Blower,  and  had  herself  returned  to 
Miss  Busy's.  Had  Madame  Junk  realized  the  disastrous 
result  of  such  proceedings,  she  would  have  acted  differently. 
The  atmosphere  of  the  devil's  nest  is  not  calculated  to  pro 
mote  the  pure  growth  of  half-reformed  fallen  angels .  Naught 
but  the  presence  of  God  can  save  them.  Mark  that,  benev 
olent  readers,  who  essay  a  reform.  After  lifting  the  devil's 
victims  from  a  slough  of  brimstone,  do  not  return  them  to 


THE    MILK    OF    HUMAN    KINDNESS.  2  9. 1 

the  vicinity  where  the  poisonous  vapor  arises,  lest  a  sniff  of 
the  same  awakens  an  old  appetite,  and  all  of  our  inilk  of 
human  kindness  has  to  be  strained  over  again,  thus  interfer 
ing  with  the  cream. 

Old  age  is  creeping  upon  Madame  Junk — a  thing  we  re 
gret;  for  she  is  not  so  comfortably  settled  as  we  anticipate 
having  her.  Her  cares  and  duties  seem  to  increase  rather 
than  diminish.  Here  is  her  duty  in  a  certain  branch  of  Miss 
Busy's  establishment;  here  is  a  man  in  jail  waiting  for  her 
to  come  and  see  him;  here  is  Joel,  who  is  not  quite  recov 
ered,  and  whom  she  is  inclined  to  look  in  upon  frequently; 
here  is  Mary,  whom  she  must  pray  for  and  encourage;  here 
is  her  sister,  who  is  a  new  widow,  and  requires  more  or  less 
condolence;  here  is  her  European  correspondence;  here  is 
a  poor  Mexican  woman  with  a  terrific  tumor  in  her  side,  and 
her  son  who  is  all  rags.  Madame  Junk  must  haul  over  her 
bag  of  antiquated  coats,  and  find  something  for  the  poor 
fellow  to  wear.  If  you  expect  a  woman,  fifty  years  old,  to 
do  more  than  this,  you  are  unreasonable. 

Miss  Busy  had  adjusted  a  fresh  knot  of  ribbon  at  her 
throat,  and  had  altogether  made  herself  prim  for  several 
successive  months.  In  spite  of  all  this  Mr.  Stanly  had  de 
parted  for  Europe,  and  the  two  husbands  appeared  between 
the  eyes  again.  Save  a  slight  drawing  down  of  the  corners 
of  the  mouth,  which  gave  her  face  a  more  bitter  expression, 
Miss  Busy  was  herself  again.  It  may  be  as  well  for  us, 
while  Mr.  Stanly  is  crossing  the  vasty  deep,  to  settle  mat 
ters  at  home.  With  this  view  we  will  take  our  readers  to 
jail.  The  fastidious  gentlemanly  forger  who  can  boast  of 
many  names,  but  not  one  of  them  safe  to  live  by,  is  seated 
in  his  narrow  cell.  "What  a  change  five  years  have  wrought 
in  this  once  handsome  man!  He  has  grown  wondrously 
old.  His  peacock  pride  of  personal  beauty  has  fallen. 
Yet  this  man,  so  fallen,  has  moved  with  grace  in  choice 
society.  He  has  paid  court  to  fair  women;  fair  women 
have  smiled  on  him  and  felt  flattered  by  his  courtly  atten- 


2 92  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND   JOE. 

tions.     If  nature  had  been  lavish  in  outer  adornments,  she 
had  given  him  an  over-supply  of  rascality.     It  seems  a  pity 
that  there  should  be  such  a  contradiction;  for  this  villain 
was  not  without  a  touch  of  the  noble  in  his  make-up.     It 
is  seldom  that  we  meet  with  a  man  who  so  verifies  the 
words  of  Shakspeare,  where  that  bard  says: 
"  A  man  may  smile  and  smile, 
And  be  a  villain  still." 

This  man  is  in  no  way  deserving  of  our  sympathy;  still  it 
is  impossible  for  us  to  see  him  without  feeling  a  regret  that 
he  is  to  be  punished.  This  feeling  is  a  maudlin  sentiment, 
and  a  disgrace  to  justice. 

"  Good  morning,  Jane!  Good  God!  I  thought  you 
would  never  come!  What  has  happened?"  said  the  man, 
stretching  out  his  hand. 

"What  has  happened?"  said  Madame  Junk,  repeating 
his  words,  while  trying  to  collect  her  thoughts.  She  held 
up  her  head,  which  she  had  dropped  upon  entering  the 
cell.  "How  changed  you  are,  Kalph!"  She  spoke  in  a 
mournful  tone,  as  if  bewailing  the  loss  of  something. 

"  Yes,  I  am  changed  more  than  my  looks  denote." 

"  What  can  I  do  for  you  now  ?"  said  Madame  Junk. 

"Not  much.  Since  I  have  been  here  this  time  these 
hounds  have  been  more  insolent  than  there  was  any  call  for. 
I  happened  to  have  very  little  money  about  me  this  time, 
and  it  has  been  totally  impossible  to  procure  the  least  little 
extra.  I  haven't  seen  a  paper;  don't  know  of  anything  that 
is  going  on  outside.  Jane,  I  am  actually  disgusted  with 
the  smallness  of  human  nature.  Why,  as  long  as  I  had  a 
dime,  and  could  fee  them,  I  could  get  almost  anything  I 
wanted." 

While  the  man  was  giving  this  information,  Madame  Junk 
was  fumbling  about  in  her  pocket,  and  brought  to  the  sur 
face  four  dimes,  which  she  handed  to  the  man,  saying, 

"  It  is  not  much;  but  take  it." 

The  man  burst  into  a  hearty  laugh,  and  only  ceased  to 
begin  again;  it  seemed  to  strike  him  as  so  comical. 


A   DEATH    IN    THE    FAMILY.  293 

"No,  no!  my  dear,  darling  former  self.  Put  up  your 
widow's  mite.  It  is  true  I  am  changed,  but  not  so  much  as 
that.  Poll,  woman!  do  you  think  I  am  divested  of  every 
particle  of  old-time  gallantry  ?  I  have  money,  and  I  am 
going  to  give  it  to  you — every  blessed  dollar  of  it.  You  can 
establish  a  prison  reform,  if  you  wish.  What  I  have  to  say 
can  be  said  in  a  few  words.  I  am  not  Joel's  father.  I  sup 
pose  you  have  learned  that  before  ?" 

"No;  we  have  had  a  death  in  our  family,  and  my  time  has 
been  taken  up." 

"  Death!    Who  ?"  said  the  man,  with  staring  eyes. 

"  Samuel  Blower;  my  sister's  husband." 

"Oh!  is  that  all?  You  gave  me  a  start.  I  thought  it 
might  be  Joel." 

"  Joel  has  been  at  death's  door,  though." 

"  He  will  not  die,  will  he  ?" 

"  No,  he  is  out  of  danger  now." 

"  Good!  But  you  do  not  seem  astonished  that  I  am  not 
his  father." 

"Why  should  I  be?  You  have  deceived  so  much,  and 
have  led  such  a  bad  life,  I  am  surprised  at  nothing.  Ralph, 
it  is  time  you  made  your  peace  with  God.  Like  myself,  you 
are  no  longer  young." 

"Jane,  if  you  could  know  what  is  passing  in  my  mind, 
you  would  not  feel  to  reproach  me.  To  me,  there  is  some 
thing  so  cowardly  in  asking  God's  mercy  after  a  long  life  of 
sin.  If  I  am  to  be  punished  in  the  next  world  (if  there  is 
one),  I  will  bear  it  like  a  soldier,  and  accept  the  punish 
ment  I  have  so  well  earned.  In  my  mind,  there  is  something 
so  despicably  mean  in  sneaking  into  kingdom-come  like  a 
truant  schoolboy,  with, '  Please,  Sir,  don't  whip  me  this  time; 
I  did  not  mean  to  stay  out  so  long.'  You  are  good,  Jane, 
because  it  pleases  you;  it  is  a  part  of  your  nature.  If  I  were 
to  be  good,  I  should  work  devilish  hard  for  it.  It  is  not  so 
easy  for  a  bad  man  to  be  good  as  you  may  think." 

"But  it  brings  its  reward,  and  pays  much  better  in  the 
end,"  said  Madame  Junk. 


2Q4  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"  Well,  you  cannot  make  a  hawk  into  a  dove." 

"But  they  may  be  tamed  and  made  quite  companion 
able/3 

"  Yes;  but  the  wild  hawk  nature  will  crop  out  at  times, 
and  the  hawk  only  waits  a  favorable  chance  to  eat  up  the 
chickens.  A  few  words  more,  Jane,  and  we  will  dismiss  the 
subject  of  religion.  You,  of  course,  believe  firmly  in  the 
immortality  of  the  soul?" 

' '  I  do,"  said  Madame  Junk,  casting  her  eyes  heavenward. 

"  Well,  allowing  your  faith  is  the  true  faith,  and  if  prayers 
are  answered  by  God,  it  is  just  as  well  to  pray  for  a  disem 
bodied  soul  as  for  one  in  the  body.  When  I  no  longer 
cumber  this  earth,  pray  for  me,  Jane;  that  is,  if  you  have 
faith  in  your  own  prayers.  If  we  are  immortal,  and  the 
better  part  of  our  nature  only  comes  forth  to  be  weighed, 
mine  will  be  found  greatly  wanting;  and  when  I  am  over 
yonder,  or  down  yonder, "pointing  with  his  finger  toward  the 
earth,  "  if  God  will  give  me  half  a  chance  I  will  fill  up  the 
measure.  Why  I  ask  you  to  pray  for  me  then,  is  this:  If 
your  faith  is  true,  the  '  prayer  of  the  righteous  availeth 
much/  I  ask  it  on  the  same  plan  that  I  would  extend  to 
you  a  boost,  provided  you  were  pulling  up  a  devilish  hard 
hill,  with  a  pack  on  jour  back.  I  want  to  work,  you  know; 
I  intend  to  work.  If  there  is  another  country,  or  bourne,  as 
Shakspeare  puts  it,  a  little  friendly  push  in  the  back  will 
help  me  to  keep  better  time." 

"  Ralph,  I  cannot  hear  you  talk  so  irreverently." 

"  I  mean  no  irreverence,  Jane.  But  when  a  fellow  thinks 
it  is  not  long  at  best  before  a  fellow  sets  out  for  a  '  bourne 
whence  no  traveler  returns/  the  question  naturally  arises, 
What  sort  of  work  will  he  be  set  at  when  he  gets  there  ? 
You  know,  Jane,  I  never  did  like  manual  labor,"  and  he 
glanced  at  his  soft,  white  hands. 

Madame  Junk  raised  her  large,  blue  eyes,  but  not  a  mus 
cle  of  the  face  moved  to  betray  that  she  intended  satire. 

(t  Perhaps  your  work  will  be  to  build  fires." 


THE    ONLY   WOMAN    HE    EVER    RESPECTED.      295 

For  a  moment  the  man's  face  was  covered  with  shame. 
He  soon  recovered  his  urbane  manner,  and  said : 

"  Jane,  that  was  the  unldndest  cut  of  all.  You  should  not 
strike  a  man  when  he  is  down." 

"Or  burn  one  while  he  sleeps,"  said  Madame  Junk, 
quickly. 

"  I  have  done  neither.  As  I  have  not  followed  building 
fires  for  a  profession  in  this  life,  I  hope  I  shall  not  be 
expected  to  learn  the  trade  in  the  next." 

"I  should  think,  by  what  I  can  learn,  you  have  some 
talent  as  an  engineer,"  said  Madame  Junk,  with  immovable 
front,  and  that  peculiar  ring  in  her  voice  which  showed  she 
was  stirred  from  the  depths.  Again  the  man  winced. 
"  Ealph,  the  partaker  is  as  bad  as  the  thief.  Balph,  I  only 
pray  you  have  not  built  for  yourself  an  everlasting  fire." 

"  If  I  have,  I  shall  trust  to  your  prayers  to  quench  it." 

"  Trust  not  to  impossible  things,  but  work  while  there  is 
yet  time.  Work  for  everlasting  life,  and  the  forgiveness 
of  your  God." 

The  man  arose  from  the  cot  on  which  he  was  sitting,  and 
knelt  at  Madame  Junk's  feet.  He  took  her  hand  between 
his  own. 

"  Jane,  I  feel  that  we  shall  never  meet  again.  "Will  you 
forgive  me?  I  have  been  a  bitter  blight  to  your  life.  I 
am  an  old  man  now — we  are  both  old.  "We  were  united  in 
youth,  much  to  your  sorrow  and  disgrace.  Say  you  forgive 
me,  and  I  ask  no  favors  of  God,  this  world  or  the  next." 

"I  forgive  you,  and  will  pray  for  you.  I  shall  see  you 
again.  I  shall  live  to  see  you  a  better  man.  Bow  not  to 
me,  Balph,  but  to  your  God." 

The  man  arose  from  his  kneeling  posture,  still  retaining 
Madame  Junk's  hand. 

"  Jane,  there  is  one  thing  I  wish  to  say  to  you  before  we 
part.  I  wish  that  you  would  love  to  know  it.  I  wish  that 
you  would  sometimes  think  of  it,  and  cherish  it  as  the  one 
fact  of  my  life.  You  are  the  only  woman  I  ever  profoundly 


296  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

respected.  You  are  the  only  woman  I  have  ever  looked 
upon  as  true,  and  I  have  known  not  a  few.  You  are  the 
only  woman  who  ever  enlisted  the  better  part  of  my  nature; 
and  if  there  have  been  some  good  thoughts  in  my  life  of 
crime,  those  thoughts  have  been  of  you.  Had  I  been 
guided  by  your  truth,  I  should  not  be  here.  When  I  die, 
it  shall  be  in  thinking  well  of  you.  You  have  ever  held  all 
of  me  that  was  worth  having.  You  have  known  much 
sorrow  through  me.  Forgive  me.  It  is  all  I  ask." 

"  Why,  Kalph,  I  forgive  you;  ask  God  to  forgive  you." 

"No,  no,  Jane.  Farewell!  May  your  last  days  be  the 
best." 

The  turnkey  is  coming.  The  man  had  turned  his  face  to 
the  wall,  and  his  form  shook.  The  key  turned  in  the  lock, 
and  Madame  Junk  was  walking  down  the  corridor  behind 
the  jailer,  whispering  a  prayer;  the  only  words  we  can  catch 
are,  "May  our  Lord  Jesus  soften  the  heart  of  the  obdurate 
sinner.3* 

The  next  evening  the  papers  contained  a  detailed  account 
of  a  suicide  which  had  taken  place  in  the  county  jail  the 
previous  night;  how  Mr.  Burns  was  found  hanging  by  the 
neck,  having  constructed  a  halter  out  of  his  shirt.  The 
press  said  he  was  a  fine-looking  man,  with  gentlemanly 
bearing,  and  it  was  a  pity  that  one  so  gifted  should  come 
to  such  an  end.  A  few  of  the  daily  papers  made  quite  a 
story  out  of  it  by  coupling  with  it  what  they  could  learn 
about  Madame  Junk's  visits  to  the  prisoner.  As  Madame 
Junk  was  returning  home  from  where  she  had  been  to  order 
a  supply  of  provisions  for  Miss  Busy's  establishment,  she 
was  not  a  little  startled  to  hear  a  small  snub-nosed  boy  cry 
ing:  "Evening  Express!  All  about  Madame  Junk  and  the 
robber  that  hung  himself  in  jail  last  night!  All  for  a  dime, 
Sir!"  It  is  needless  to  say  that  she  called  the  boy  over  and 
took  a  paper;  and  when  she  saw  her  name  in  great  startling 
capitals,  she  said:  "Poor  editor!  Poor  editor!  Was  not 
born  right. "  It  is  impossible  to  tell  just  what  Madame 


CONVICTS  AND   WHITE   ROSES.  297 

Junk's  feelings  were  on  this  occasion;  if  she  wept,  none 
knew  it.  But  it  is  safe  to  affirm  that  she  did  regret  deeply 
that  the  man  had  ushered  himself  into  the  presence  of  his 
God  unredeemed. 

She  applied  for  the  body  and  received  it,  and  gave  a 
Christian  burial  to  the  man  to  whom  years  ago  she  gave  her 
heart.  A  reader  of  epitaphs  will  find  the  following  lines 
chiseled  upon  a  plain  white  slab : 

ERECTED  BY  J.  J., 

of 


"O  GOD!  WITHIN  THY  FOLD 

CALL  THIS  UNREDEEMED  SOUL." 

It  is  but  fitting  that  a  woman  who  had  prayed  the  best 
half  of  her  life  for  a  man  should  continue  to  pray  for  him 
even  after  his  death,  and  do  it  from  force  of  habit,  if  nothing 
more.  From  out  the  grave  flourished  a  white  rose  tree, 
bearing  full-leaved  and  fragrant  roses,  with  plenteous  buds 
that  were  ready  to  open  and  take  the  place  of  those  whose 
leaves  were  from  time  to  time  falling  from  the  stem.  It  is 
evident  that  God,  in  his  good  grace,  smiled  upon  the  roses 
even  if  the  sinner  beneath  them  did  inhabit  a  region  far  too 
warm  for  the  propagation  of  white  roses. 


CHAPTER  XXXVI. 

FOUND  IN  LIFE  AND  LOST  IN  DEATH. 

i  4  1\  /T  ADEMOISELLE,  the  Earl  will  take  no  denial.    Ye 

.l.V_L  would  pity  him;  he  hae  suffered  much.  Ye  are 
so  loik  his  dear  lost  one.  Kenna  he  nae  ye  history? 
Muckle  it  would  be  worth  ye  while,  dear  lady.  He  be  an 
auld  Scotch  Earl  with  nae  bonnie  bairn." 

"  Tell  your  Lord  I  will  see  him." 

"Thanks,  bonnie  lady.  He  has  nae  one  thing  to  cheer 
him  since  he  wa'  in  America." 

"  Was  the  Earl  ever  in  America?" 

"  Once.  It  wa'  a  bit  o'  louck  fur  him  when  he  lost  his 
bride  and  bairn,  going  away  with  a  fever  in  the  wild 
region." 

"  Indeed!  I  shall  be  pleased  to  hear  much  more  about 
it.  America  is  my  home;  it  is  a  long  way  from  here." 

"  Ye  wa'  nae  born  in  America?" 

Sternna  dropped  her  head,  and,  after  a  moment,  replied, 

"  I  do  not  know  the  land  of  my  birth;  but  I  think  my 
birthplace  is  England." 

"  Nae,  nae;  its  nae  England,  but  bonnie  Scotland." 

"  Why  are  you  so  confident  I  am  of  Scotch  birth?"  asked 
Sternna,  not  a  little  annoyed  at  the  old  man's  persistency 
over  her  being  Scotch;  for  in  all  those  months,  when  he  had 
conversed  with  her  at  least  twice  a  week,  each  time  he  had 
managed  to  let  her  know  he  believed  her  Scotch. 

This  old  man  had  sat  for  Sternna  as  a  model  for  St.  Bar 
tholomew.  Hence  this  conversation. 

"  Will  ye  gae  to  America  ?" 


THE    LIVING    PICTURE    OF    A   DEAD    PAST.        299 

"  Soon,"  replied  the  young  lady. 

"  Will  ye  come  bock  to  France  ?  " 

"  I  hope  to,  and  visit  Italy." 

"  Will  ye  nae  go  to  Scotland?"  said  the  man  in  a  tone 
that  seemed  his  feelings  were  wounded  over  the  slight  his 
country  had  received.  "  Muckle  there  be  to  make  fine  pic 
tures  there." 

"  Yes;  I  should  like  to  go  to  Scotland  also." 

The  old  man  we  have  had  occasion  to  refer  to  is  a  Scot  by 
birth,  a  Scotchman  in  heart,  in  looks,  and  everything  else 
pertaining  to  Scotland.  He  is  an  old  and  esteemed  servant 
to  the  Earl  of  Bc'Clue.  Sternna  had  painted,  him  as  St. 
Bartholomew,  and  as  Douce  David  Deans,  as  described  by 
Walter  Scott  in  ''The  Heart  of  Mid-Lothian,"  with  his  long, 
white  hair  and  honest  face.  She  so  associated  the  author's 
character  of  David  Deans  with  this  old  man,  that  more  than 
once  her  fancy  had  led  her  to  attempt  something  more  than 
a  study.  She  would  have  his  head  in  a  composition,  in 
addition  to  Jeannie  and  Enie.  If  she  had  been  watching 
this  old  man  from  an  artistic  standpoint,  he  had  been  look 
ing  at  her  from  other  reasons.  He  had  been  heard  to  ex 
claim  more  than  once:  "Weal,  now;  ha  loike  she  be!" 

The  Earl  had  been  called  to  Scotland  unexpectedly.  He 
left  this  old  man  to  look  after  his  house  in  Paris.  Sternna 
passed  him  every  morning  on  her  road  to  the  studio.  She 
thought,  cc  If  I  could  only  transport  that  figure  upon  canvas !" 
She  looked  at  him  with  a  covetous  eye,  and  saw  only  the 
painted  picture  of  the  Cowfeeder  of  Enoch. 

He  looked  at  her,  and  saw  the  living  picture  of  a  dead 
past. 

One  morning  Sternna  determined  to  ask  him  to  sit  as  a 
model  for  her.  He  was  passing  with  a  basket  of  fruit  on 
his  arm. 

"  Good  morning,  Sir!  Are  you  not  the  man  that  came 
to  my  door  one  day  and  asked  me  if  I  were  Scotch?" 

"  Dinne  ye  know  me,  then?" 


3OO  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

"  Yes,  Sir!  I  remember  your  face  very  well;  it  is  not  one 
I  shall  be  likely  to  forget.  You  are  Scotch,  are  you  not?" 

"  Weal,  lady,  I  am  thot." 

"  I  would  so  much  like  to  make  a  sketch  of  you." 

"  Say  ye  o'  me,  lady?  It  would  be  pure  honor  I  should 
gaye." 

"  Could  you  come  to  my  studio  two  hours  every  day  for 
a  week?" 

The  old  man  seemed  lost  in  reverie;  he  stood  with  up 
lifted  hands  and  wide,  staring  eyes. 

"  Be  ye  the  dead  come  bock?  "Weal,  how  loik!  how  loik 
she  be!  Speak  to  me  ag'in,  lady;  I  dinna  know  more." 

"  Will  you  allow  me  to  make  a  sketch  of  you?"  said 
Sternna,  raising  her  voice,  at  a  loss  to  know  if  the  old  man's 
mind  was  wandering,  or  if  he  was  deaf. 

"  I  will  come,  my  bonnie  Scotch  lady;  and  blessings  on 
ye!  So  loik!  so  loik!  I  canna  tell  if  it  be  her  o'  na." 

"In  two  hours,"  said  Sternna,  holding  her  watch,  and 
pointing  to  the  hands  as  if  it  was  necessary  to  show  him 
the  time  in  order  to  make  him  understand.  He  passed, 
muttering  to  himself,  ' '  So  loik !  so  loik !"  while  Sternna 
walked  on,  thinking, ' '  Poor  old  man !  I  understand  now  why 
he  thought  I  was  Scotch.  He  has  lost  a  daughter  whom  I 
remind  him  of.  Poor  old  man;  he  has  doubtless  partially 
lost  his  reason." 

Again  her  fancy  ran  out,  and  she  saw  David  Deans  and 
his  daughter  Effie.  Then  her  own  orphaned  condition 
sank  upon  her  heart.  In  that  moment  she  yearned  for  a 
father's  love  and  protection.  It  would  not  do  for  her  to 
dwell  too  much  upon  this.  It  would  detract  from  her  art, 
and  that  must  be  father,  mother,  brother,  and  sister.  It 
should  be  her  world,  and  one  in  which  she  must  forever 
dwell. 

At  the  end  of  two  hours  the  old  man  was  seated  in 
Sternna's  studio,  and  the  artist  was  studying  the  lines  of 
the  old  man's  face.  They  spoke  rarely,  for  she  liked  that 


JUST   THE   EXPRESSION.  30 1 

settled  grief  should  come  out  in  the  face  of  her  David 
Deans.  The  artist's  soul  was  oblivious  to  the  woman's 
nature.  She  wanted  no  pleased  expression;  and  could  she 
have  said  aught  that  would  have  made  a  more  grieved  look, 
she  would  have  done  it;  and  when  the  study  was  com 
pleted,  then,  and  not  until  then,  would  the  sympathizing 
soul  of  the  woman  come  forth  to  say,  '  *  Why  so  sorry  ?  "  Day 
by  day  the  old  man  sat  as  a  study,  worshiping  in  silence 
that  which  he  thought  had  long  since  perished,  leaving  him 
naught  but  memory.  Every  day  he  thought  he  would  ask 
questions;  he  could  not  bear  the  disappointment  he  feared 
might  follow  his  questions.  The  fourth  day  he  ventured 
to  say: 

"  Ha'  ye  a  mother,  lady'" 

"  No,  my  good  friend." 

"  Kenna  ye  remember  nae  one  ?" 

"No,  not  one;  a  good  woman  in  America  cared  for  me 
when  I  was  a  child,  an  infant,  I  may  say;  and  she  does  not 
know  my  parentage." 

The  old  man's  face  gave  a  twitch,  and  settled  into  abject 
disappointment;  just  the  expression  the  artist  was  anxious 
to  catch.  With  parted  lips  and  intense  working  of  the 
spirit,  Sternna  hardly  breathed,  so  desirous  was  she  to 
place  that  expression  upon  the  face  of  her  David  Deans. 
"  There,  there;  that  will  do  for  this  time.  One  more  sit 
ting  will  finish  it."  At  this  moment  they  were  interrupted. 
Sternna  excused  herself  and  said,  "Wait  here,  I  wish  to 
talk  with  you."  She  ushered  Carrie  into  an  adjoining 
room,  and  the  old  man  was  left  alone.  He  breathed  more 
free;  he  began  looking  about  the  room,  at  the  many  studies 
on  the  wall;  he  walked  before  Sternna's  easel;  he  looked  at 
his  own  face  upon  the  canvas.  There  seemed  to  be  some 
thing  in  his  mind  he  could  not  fathom.  His  eyes  wandered 
everywhere.  A  small  gold  locket  lay  on  the  table  near 
Sternna's  easel.  It  was  opened;  he  stooped  down  to  look 
at  it;  raised  his  head,  rubbed  his  eyes,  stooped  over  the 


302  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

table  again;  looked  long,  and  examined  it  closely.  When 
lie  raised  his  head  again,  his  lips  were  white;  a  pallidness 
settled  over  his  face,  and  he  reeled  back  to  his  seat;  his 
lips  moved,  but  no  sound  came  over  them.  The  old  man 
sat  so  still,  so  motionless,  that  when  the  lady  returned,  all 
the  woman  in  her  nature  cried  out,  "  You  are  ill,  my  poor 
friend.  How  selfish  in  me  to  keep  you  sitting  so  long." 
She  flew  to  the  next  room;  brought  a  glass  of  wine,  and 
held  it  to  the  old  man's  lips.  "  Drink,  drink!  and  you  will 
feel  better." 

"I  am  nae  ill,  me  bonnie  lady.  I  ha'  these  turns  some 
what.  "Will  ye  ha'  me  to-morrow  ?  " 

"  But  you  will  not  go  now?  Sit  and  rest,  and  I  will  order 
refreshments." 

"  Nae,  nae;  'tis  not  the  loikes  o'  me  thot  ken  be  eating  with 
ye  again." 

The  old  man  looked  at  the  lady  with  one  of  those  dreamy 
looks  that  made  it  hard  to  determine  if  his  mind  was  wan 
dering  or  not.  All  at  once  he  seemed  to  recollect  himself, 
and  bowed,  "  I  woll  be  at  ye  ladyship's  service  to-morrow," 
and  was  gone. 

The  evening  of  the  same  day  the  old  man  made  this  dis 
covery,  the  Earl  of  Bc'Clue  returned  to  France.  Fatigued 
with  travel,  he  had  stretched  himself  upon  a  couch  waiting 
the  entrance  of  his  favorite  servant,  with  whom  he  wished 
to  converse  concerning  matters  at  home.  While  the  Earl  is 
waiting  the  coming  of  his  valet,  we  will  take  the  opportu 
nity  to  refer  to  his  personal  appearance.  We  should  say  his 
age  was  fifty;  of  medium  size;  dark  hair  and  eyes,  and 
high,  broad  brow — but  by  no  means  a  handsome  man,  but 
with  a  courtly  distinguished  bearing  that  would  have  done 
honor  to  a  monarch.  The  expression  of  his  face  was  at 
times  so  kindly  that  it  looked  feminine.  Again,  when  he 
was  speaking  upon  the  systems  of  government  he  became 
a  very  lion.  His  face  and  form  changed  with  the  thoughts 
of  his  brain,  or  the  emotions  of  his  soul.  The  Earl's  inner 
life  had  left  its  impress  on  his  face. 


GREAT  ASTONISHMENT.  303 

Morally,  intellectually,  and  in  a  large  degree  socially,  the 
Earl  of  Bc'Clue  stood  above  the  world,  and  yet  he  dwelt 
in  its  very  midst.  No  man  in  all  Scotland  had  the  interest 
of  the  poor  classes  so  much  at  heart  as  this  selfsame  Earl. 
And  yet  the  mass  of  the  people  did  not  so  understand  it. 

"Ah,  Bory." 

"Weel,  now  my  Laird,  welcome  bock  again;  and  how 
fares  Scotland?" 

"Very  much  the  same  as  when  we  left  her;  and  how  is 
Bory?" 

"Weel,  my  Laird,  I  hae  summat  to  say  ye." 

"  I  knew  you  would  have,"  said  the  Earl.  "Before you 
begin  to  talk,  give  orders  that  I  am  not  to  be  disturbed. 
Then  return,  lock  the  door,  and  you  can  tell  me  all  your 
grievances,  and  I  suppose  they  are  not  a  few,"  said  the  Earl, 
with  a  laugh. 

The  Earl  turned  upon  his  side,  tucked  the  cushion  more 
compactly  under  his  head,  and  settled  himself  preparatory 
to  what  he  thought  would  be  a  full  account  of  the  ins  and 
outs  of  his  household.  Bory  soon  returned,  turned  the  key 
in  the  lock,  and  stood  in  the  presence  of  his  master. 

"  Draw  that  chair  near  to  me,  Bory,  and  sit  down.  Now 
tell  me  how  you  have  been  troubled." 

"  Muckle  there  be,  my  Laird." 

"  "Well,  well,  Bory;  let  us  have  it,  whatever  it  is." 

Bory  looked  up  at  the  high  windows  and  the  doors,  and 
all  about  the  room;  he  leaned  forward  in  his  seat  until  his 
face  was  within  six  inches  of  his  master's. 

"  Da  nae  me  Lady  hae  a  fine  gold  case  with  me  Laird's  and 
Lady's  faces  in?  Da  na  ga  her  such  o'  one  the  day  she  waj 
thy  bonnie  bride?" 

"  I  did,  Bory;  but  it  was  lost  at  the  time  of  her  death, 
while  we  were  traveling  across  the  American  continent." 

"  It  be  found  again.     I  found  it  to-day,  me  Laird." 

The  Earl  raised  himself  upon  his  elbow,  and  looked  Bory 
fair  in  the  face. 


304  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"Yes,  me  Laird,  I  bae  seen  the  sweet  face  of  me  Lady 
again  to-day;  I  hae  seen  her  alive,  too!" 

Now  the  Earl  began  to  think  his  valet  was  becoming  de 
mented. 

"  I  hae  nae  lost  me  reason,  me  Laird;  'tis  true!" 

The  Earl  arose  to  his  feet,  and  with  a  quiet  demeanor  laid 
his  hand  upon  the  shoulder  of  Rory,  and  said: 

"  Rory,  do  not  wait  to  prepare  me  for  further  disclosures, 
but  tell  me  all  you  have  learned  at  once." 

"  Sit  thee  down,  me  Laird,  and  hold  thy  heart." 

The  Earl  obeyed,  and  Rory  told  him  all.  How  the  young 
lady  had  painted  him;  how  the  first  time  he  ever  saw  her — 
months  ago — he  was  struck  with  the  perfect  looks  of  his 
Lady.  He  told  it  all,  every  word  and  action. 

The  Earl  arose  quickly. 

"  What  hour  is  it,  Rory?" 

"  Sit  thee  down,  me  gude  Laird;  'tis  well  on  to  one 
o'clock.  I  go  to-morrow;  and  then,  me  Laird,  ye  can  sit 
by  and  say  yoursel'.  Ye  hae  nae  the  strength,  me  gude 
Laird." 

"  Rory,  to-morrow  may  be  too  late!" 

"  Nae,  nae,  me  Laird;  the  bird  woll  nae  fly  away  to-night, 
but  will  remain  with  ye  forever  and  a  day.  So  loik!  so 
loik  she  be." 

"  Rory,  this  cannot  be.  I  have  searched  the  world 
around.  Your  fancy  has  gone  wild.  No  clue,  no  trace, 
could  I  ever  find." 

"  "Weal,  me  gude  Laird,  wait  him  content  till  the  mor 
row;  then  if  the  morrow  brings  ye  not  the  fairest  daughter 
that  e'er  the  sun  of  Scotland  shone  on,  then  my  name  is  not 
Rory." 

"  Does  the  lady  look  Scotch?" 

"  Nithing  but  the  best  blude  flows  in  the  bonnie  bairn's 
veins. " 

"  "Well,  Rory,  I  must  rest  content  until  to-morrow." 

The  Earl's  slumbers  were  fitful,  and  if  he  dreamed  it  was 


THE    MEETING.  305 

of  a  wife  and  children  two;  one  a  fair  daughter,  so  like  her 
gentle  mother  at  her  age,  it  took  him  back  to  youth.  Ever 
and  anon  he  heard  the  voice  of  old  Rory,  who  spoke  in 
dialect  of  old  Scotland:  "  So  loik!  so  loik  she  be/' 

Meanwhile,  if  our  readers  could  look  into  the  dreams  of 
our  waif  upon  life's  troubled  sea,  they  would  find  she,  too, 
had  her  mind  painting  a  phantasmagoria  of  the  future.  If 
"  coming  events  cast  their  shadows  before/'  the  incomings 
and  outgoings  of  thought  pervade  the  atmosphere.  Those 
who  are  most  susceptible  of  understanding  are  receivers  of 
this  thought-laden  atmosphere.  It  is  only  another  name 
for  progress;  only  another  name  for  a  higher  life.  If  we 
could  prove  it,  we  would  make  the  assertion  that  it  is  the 
language  of  heaven. 

Next  morning  the  old  valet  was  at  the  door  of  Sternna's 
studio  at  the  very  moment  appointed. 

"  Good  morning,  my  friend!  you  are  punctual." 

The  old  man  stood  with  trembling  limbs;  he  rolled  the 
brim  of  his  hat  to  the  crown  and  back  again;  he  twisted  it 
into  a  rope,  and  altogether  seemed  so  agitated,  it  was  pain 
ful  to  behold  him. 

"  You  are  not  well,"  said  Sternna.  *  "  If  you  do  not  feel 
like  sitting  for  me  to  finish  the  picture,  we  can  defer  it  until 
another  day." 

"  Nae,  nae,  'tis  not  thot,  me  bonnie  lady.  Me  Laird  is 
waiting  to  see  the  picture." 

"  Most  assuredly  bring  him  up;  he  is  welcome." 

The  old  man  seemed  relieved,  and  in  a  moment  returned, 
accompanied  by  the  Earl  of  Bc'Clue.  The  Earl's  inten 
tion  wras  not  to  be  moved,  even  if  his  hopes  were  realized; 
he  would  conduct  the  whole  affair  with  the  utmost  quiet; 
he  had  prepared  himself,  and  would  betray  no  emotion. 
The  Earl  did  not  realize  the  overwhelming  feeling  which 
would  ingulf  him  when  he  stepped  within  the  precincts  of 
this  domain. 

The  eyes  of  the  father  and  daughter  met.     His  eyelids 
20 


306  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

grew  white.  Had  tha  dead  come  back  to  life?  For  a  mo 
ment  he  was  speechless;  but  recovering  himself,  he  said: 

"  I  beg  pardon,  lady;  I  would  like  to  see  the  picture  you 
are  at  work  on." 

"  Please,  Sir,  step  this  way;  it  is  a  better  light  from 
here;"  and  Sternna  motioned  him  to  the  place  referred  to. 

The  Earl's  attention  was  so  unequally  divided  between 
Sternna  and  the  picture  as  not  to  be  perceived  by  that  lady. 
So  frequently  he  turned  his  head  toward  the  girl  with  an 
intense  longing  expression — an  expression  dignified  by  rev 
erence,  so  pure,  high,  and  holy — as  to  be  unmistakable. 
There  was  a  blessing  written  all  over  his  face;  there  was 
something  saintly  about  the  Earl.  In  that  moment  the  old 
valet  looked  on  with  awe,  and  Sternna,  for  the  first  time  in 
her  life,  was  looking  upon  the  only  man  that  she  ever  wished 
she  could  call  father.  The  position  was  growing  awkward. 
At  last  the  Earl,  regaining  something  of  his  wonted  com 
placency,  remarked, 

"  You  are  from  America,  I  understand?" 

"Yes,  Sir;  I  have  passed  my  life  there,  with  the  exception 
of  the  last  five  years  I  have  been  in  France." 

"  I  should  not  take  you  to  be  an  American;  you  very  much 
remind  me  of  a  Scotch  lady." 

"  So  your  valet  has  been  telling  me.  However,  I  think  I 
am  of  English  extraction." 

The  Earl  seemed  lost  in  thought.  There  swept  over  his 
face  the  emotions  of  years. 

"You  must  pardon  me  for  this  agitation.  My  remem 
brance  of  America  is  a  sad  one." 

Sternna  waited  and  looked  for  further  explanation.  When 
the  Earl  had  mastered  his  emotion,  he  went  on : 

"  I  lost  my  beloved  wife  and  son,  and  an  infant  daughter 
was  spirited  away  while  I  lay,  as  was  supposed,  dead." 

Sternna's  eyes  grew  large,  the  color  on  her  cheek  came 
and  went;  there  was  a  nervous  movement  about  the  rnouth. 

"  Have  you — have  you —  And  she  seemed  unable  to  go 
on  with  what  she  wished  to  say. 


THE    LOCKET.  307 

"  You  would  ask  me  if  I  have  ever  made  an  effort  to  find 
my  daughter.  I  have  sought  years  for  some  clue,  but  sought 
in  vain.  To  be  frank  with  you,  my  only  motive  in  calling 
on  you  to-day  was  to  learn  something  of  your  history.  Your 
likeness  to  my  wife  is  a  marvelous  one.  Rory  told  me  you 
were  so  strangely  alike,  and  that  you  had  no  father  or 
mother,  that  you  knew  of." 

"  No,  Sir;  I  have  no  relatives." 

"  Have  you  no  token  by  which  you  could  be  identified  ?" 

"  Nothing  but  a  locket,  which  contains  two  pictures." 

"Would  you  allow  me  to  look  at  it?" 

At  first  Sternna  hesitated.  No  strange  hand  had  ever 
held  it;  no  strange  eye  had  ever  looked  upon  it.  The  Earl 
noticing  the  hesitation,  drew  from  his  pocket  a  small  gold 
case,  richly  set  with  diamonds,  and  pressed  his  thumb  upon 
the  spring;  the  lid  flew  back  and  disclosed  two  pictures. 
He  turned  the  case  toward  Sternna,  and  said: 

"This  is  my  wife,  at  your  age." 

Sternna  grew  white  as  death,  and  would  have  fallen,  had 
not  the  Earl  caught  her. 

"  My  dear  child,"  said  the  Earl,  in  kindly  tones;  "  tell  me 
why  you  are  thus  moved  ?" 

Sternna,  with  great  effort,  composed  herself.  "There,  on 
the  table,  near  the  easel — go,  look — it  is  like  my  own." 

The  Earl  moved  to  the  table,  picked  up  the  locket,  looked 
long  and  ardently  at  the  pictured  face  of  the  lady,  and 
pressed  it  to  his  lips  reverentially.  There  was  no  extra 
parade  of  feeling;  his  feelings  were  too  deep  for  that. 
There  was  gratitude  in  every  line  of  his  face.  His  soul  was 
inwardly  and  silently  thanking  God  for  prayers  answered. 
Sternna  sat  as  one  in  a  dream.  She  seemed  to  have  no 
power  to  speak,  but  her  thoughts  were  running  on  rapidly. 
This  strange  coincidence  might  be  nothing  after  all.  The 
Earl  closed  the  locket  and  walked  back  to  where  Sternna 
sat,  still  holding  the  locket  in  his  hand. 

"Where  did  you  get  this  locket  ?  " 


308  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

"The  lady  who  cared  for  me  received  it  with  iny  clothes/' 

"And  she  is  in  America?" 

"Yes,  Sir." 

"  Stand  up  one  moment,  my  child." 

Sternna  arose,  and  old  Rory  muttered:  "Me  Laird,  so 
loik,  so  loik  she  be." 

The  Earl  smoothed  Sternna's  hair  on  each  temple;  he 
looked  into  her  eyes;  he  lifted  first  one  hand  and  then  the 
other;  he  turned  her  back  to  him,  then  he  viewed  her  pro 
file;  then  turned  her  face,  and  imprinted  a  kiss  upon  her 
forehead.  "So  loik,  so  loik/'  were  the  words  that  came 
from  a  remote  corner  of  the  room. 

"  My  child,  you  are  my  child,  but  we  are  still  unacquainted. 
What  does  your  heart  tell  you  of  me  ?  " 

"Was  the  Earl  commanding*  his  feeling's  out  of  considera 
tion  for  the  lady,  or  was  he  naturally  cool  ?  Cool  he  was, 
but  affectionate;  considerate  he  was,  as  all  kind  people  are. 
In  consequence  of  the  Earl's  cool  consideration  it  is  impos 
sible  to  give  this  scene  dramatic  effect. 

"My  child,  you  do  not  answer.  "What  does  your  feelings 
say  to  you  of  me?" 

Sternna  turned  her  face  toward  him  with  that  quiet  dig 
nity  of  expression  that  at  times  made  her  so  like  a  queen, 
and  answrered: 

"It  tells  me  you  are  a  pure,  good  man." 

"  Is  that  all?"  said  the  Earl,  with  a  disappointed  expres 
sion. 

"No,  not  all,"  said  Sternna. 

"What  more?" 

"It  tells  me  you  are  the  man  I  would  like  to  call  father. 
It  tells  me  to  hope  you  are  my  own  real  father.  My  heart 
tells  me  I  am  your  daughter." 

The  Earl  leaned  forward,  took  both  hands  of  Sternna's, 
bent  his  head  over  them,  and  kissed  one  and  then  the  other. 
"  My  child,  may  God  grant  that  this  be  true." 

The  Earl  pressed  his  lips  again  and  again  upon  the  brow 
of  his  new-found  treasure,  while  Kory  cried, 


HONEST   SCOTCH    BLOOD.  309 

"Me  Laird!  so  loik,  so  loik  she  be!" 

The  trio  sat  as  those  transported  into  another  world. 
After  a  few  moments  of  silence  the  Earl  said : 

"Rory,  you  may  go  now." 

When  the  Earl  and  Sternna  were  left  alone,  the  Earl  said: 

"We  will  follow  up  the  investigation.  As  regards  my 
self,  no  further  proof  is  necessary;  but  before  the  world  I 
must  give  proof  undeniable."  And  the  Earl,  with  his  cus 
tomary  caution,  proceeded  to  explain  to  Sternna  how  such 
things  would  be  questioned  where  there  was  a  shadow  of 
doubt  regarding  the  truth.  "  Quietly  and  privately  I  shall 
be  your  father,  but  before  I  can  do  so  publicly  I  must 
prove  myself  so.  The  heirs  to  my  estate  in  Scotland,  pro 
vided  I  do  not  bring  proof  positive  of  your  identity,  will 
contest  every  inch  of  ground  over  which  you  must  pass." 

All  the  queen  within  Sternna  arose.  The  honest  Scotch 
blood  of  the  Bc'Clues  coursed  through  her  veins  swiftly. 
She  arose.  Her  classic  head  assumed  a  new  poise,  and  her 
form  was  drawn  up  to  its  full  height.  Her  eyes  were  four 
fold  more  expressive  as  she  spake. 

"  I  shall  enforce  no  claim.  I,  too,  have  pride,  and  will 
never  accept  a  position  that  is  not  mine  by  right  of  birth, 
neither  privately  nor  publicly." 

The  Earl  looked  upon  this  regal  girl  with  something  akin 
to  awe. 

"  Am  I  not  to  be  your  friend,  your  guide,  and  protector?" 

"No,"  said  the  girl.  "I  prefer  we  should  be  strangers 
until  such  time  as  I  prove  my  origin,  if  ever  I  do." 

' '  My  child,  my  own  beloved  daughter,  it  is  in  your 
interest  I  have  spoken  thus.  I  would  not  have  you  sub 
jected  to  all  you  may  have  to  endure,  were  I  to  openly 
assert  that  I  have  found  my  child." 

"  Your  judgment  is  best;  but  I  prefer  to  walk  on  in  my 
usual  way,  until  such  time  as  we  know  more  of  ourselves." 

"  And  please  God  the  day  may  not  be  long  distant,"  said 
the  Earl,  placing  his  hand  on  his  heart  and  growing  pallid 
in  the  face.  "  Water,  my  child." 


3IO  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE, 

Sternna  flew  for  a  glass  of  water.  Placing  her  arm  about 
his  neck,  she  held,  the  glass  to  his  lips.  His  body  leaned 
heavily  against  her.  She  held  him  in  her  arms,  and  from 
the  utmost  depths  of  her  orphaned-longing  soul  came  the 
words: 

"  Father,  father,  speak!  speak,  please,  one  word!  Shall 
I  call  ?  You  are  dying.  O  my  father!  My  father!" 

"  Bend  your  ear  to  my  mouth,"  said  the  Earl.  "  I  am 
surely  dying.  Seek  every  means  to  establish  your  rights. 
You  are  my  daughter.  Eory  knows  it.  He  will  serve  you. 
Do  not  call.  It  is  too  late.  Let  me  die  in  peace  and  quiet 
in  the  arms  of  my  child.  Heaven  bless  you." 

At  that  moment  the  door  opened,  and  Carrie  entered  with 
her  father.  A  gleam  of  joy  shot  athwart  the  dying  man's 
face.  He  motioned  the  visitors  to  draw  near.  The  Sena 
tor,  with  a  look  of  alarm,  moved  toward  the  door  again. 
The  Earl,  with  a  look  of  distress,  called  him  to  his  side. 

"  Bear  witness  that  I,  the  Earl  of  Bc'Clue,  with  my 
dying  breath,  claim  this  lady  as  my  daughter." 

As  he  held  up  his  right  hand,  the  Senator  knelt  by  his 
side  and  attempted  to  move  the  Earl  to  a  more  easy  posi 
tion;  but  he  was  dead.  Overpowered  by  this  sudden  shock, 
Sternna  had  fainted.  The  Senator  lifted  the  dead  form 
from  Sternna' s  arms.  Carrie  and  her  father  used  such  re 
storatives  as  were  at  hand  to  bring  Sternna  back  to  con 
sciousness.  The  first  word  she  spoke  was: 

"Where  is  my  father?  Oh!  Carrie,  I  have  killed  him 
with  my  haughty,  cruel  way." 

c<  Hush!  hush!"  said  Carrie,  for  the  room  was  filled  with 
people.  They  were  removing  the  Earl's  body  to  his  own 
house. 

In  less  than  half  an  hour  Sternna  was  placed  in  prison. 
It  was  in  vain  that  Carrie  begged  to  accompany  her.  As 
for  the  Senator,  he  flew  hither  and  yon;  he  indulged  in  all 
sorts  of  American  expletives;  he  called  them  a  pusillani 
mous,  frog-eating  set;  he  hastened  off  to  the  American  rain- 


THIS    MUST   BE    A    DREAM.  3 1  I 

ister;  he  laid  the  case  before  him,  and  received  a  promise 
from  that  gentleman  to  do  all  he  could;  he  assured  Mr. 
Smith  that  all  would  be  right  as  soon  as  an  examination  had 
been  made. 

"  Why  the  devil  don't  they  set  about  it  then?  What 
right  have  they  to  keep  this  lady  in  prison,  waiting  their 
pleasure?" 

Paris  was  thrown  into  an  intense  excitement  by  the  state 
ment  that  an  American  lady  had  poisoned  a  Scotch  Earl. 

' '  Mon  Dieu !  mon  Dieu !  What  better  could  be  expected  of 
these  half-civilized  people  from  the  New  World  ?" 

In  summing  up  the  Americans  as  a  class,  they  made  out 
but  one  good  point  in  them;  i.  e.,  their  money,  which  they 
spend  upon  foreign  shores  right  generously.  With  frequent 
French  shoulder-shrugs,  they  acknowledged  this. 

Poor  old  Rory  was  half  wild  with  grief.  Still,  as  a  wit 
ness,  he  was  the  main  spoke  in  the  wheel.  He  testified  that 
his  "  Gude  Laird"  had  for  many  years  thought  he  should 
leave  this  world  suddenly. 

Four  days  had  elapsed  before  they  concluded  to  render  a 
verdict,  "  Died  of  apoplexy."  Then  Sternna  was  borne 
away  by  Carrie  and  her  father.  A  few  days  must  pass,  and 
they  would  sail  for  America.  Old  Eory  was  the  first  to  call 
on  Sternna.  He  bade  her  be  of  "  gude  cheer."  He  an 
nounced  his  intention  of  accompanying  her  to  America;  it 
was  necessary  that  he  should;  and  when  his  "  gude  lady" 
wished  to  return  to  her  castle  on  the  Clyde,  he  should  be 
there  to  go  with  her. 

"Oh!  Rory;  this  must  all  be  a  dream.  Could  he  only 
have  lived  until  it  was  proven.  Of  what  use  will  all  this  be 
tome?  I  am  alone." 

The  old  man  crept  to  her  side  and  lifted  her  hand  to  his 
lips. 

"  Nae,  nae  alone;  nae  while  I  live.  I  ha'  served  my  gude 
Laird  and  Lady  many  a  year;  I  woll  now  serve  their  wee 
one." 


312  MADAME   JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

No  one  called  on  Sternna,  except  the  old  professor,  the 
Senator,  and  Carrie.  Sternna  told  Mr.  Smith  and  his 
daughter  Carrie  everything  which  had  passed  between  her 
self  and  the  Earl  of  Bc'Clue.  The  good  Amos  Smith 
slapped  his  hand  on  his  knee,  and  declared  the  case  was  as 
clear  as  the  noonday  sun.  Mr.  Smith  was  pleased  that  the 
Earl's  Scotch  valet  would  go  with  them  to  America.  Sternna 
posted  a  letter  to  Madame  Junk  and  Miss  Busy,  stating  what 
time  they  might  be  looked  for.  Every  night  Madame  Junk 
knelt  at  her  bedside,  and  offered  up  an  especial  prayer  that 
God  might  vouchsafe  them  a  safe  journey. 

Mr.  Stanly  had  been  traveling  in  Scotland;  he  would  ar 
rive  in  America  about  the  same  time  that  the  Senator  and 
his  party  returned,  a  fact  which  vastly  renewed  Miss  Busy's 
age.  The  two  husbands  set  to  work  like  a  couple  of  hired 
hands  to  rearrange  everything  in  Miss  Busy's  establishment. 
Miss  Busy  would  doubtless  have  made  some  preparation  to 
receive  Sternna,  but  not  with  that  alacrity  of  spirit  were  she 
the  only  visitor  expected. 


CHAPTEK    XXXVII. 

LIFTING  THE  VEIL. 

IT  is  quite  time  that  Joel  should  receive  some  attention 
from  us.  Albert  Mayo  still  retained  the  package,  for 
Joel  was  taken  with  a  relapse;  he  was  confined  to  his  room 
in  a  very  weak  condition  for  three  months.  Albert  consid 
ered  that  whatever  the  package  contained,  it  would  be  more 
or  less  exciting  to  Joel.  Had  Joel  been  Albert's  own  brother, 
he  would  not  have  been  more  kindly  cared  for.  The  good 
mother  (God  bless  her!)  watched  with  all  a  mother's  care 
over  Joel.  Madame  Junk  ran  in  two  or  three  times  a  week, 
never  omitting  to  pray  while  there.  Indeed,  she  had  im 
pressed  the  good  mother  as  being  the  most  devout  Christian 
woman  she  ever  knew.  Thus,  Madame  Junk,  through  Joel's 
illness,  had  added  new  friends  to  her  now  large  list,  and 
friends,  too,  that  respected  her. 

Joel  had  given  a  clear  account  of  everything  that  hap 
pened  to  him  on  the  night  of  the  fire;  how  the  men  had 
thrown  something  over  his  head,  and  dragged  him  through 
the  bushes  and  over  the  stones;  how  they  had  pulled  him 
through  the  hole  leading  to  their  underground  apartments; 
how  they  kicked  him  when  they  found  he  had  not  the  pack 
age;  how  they  choked  him,  and  left  him  for  dead. 

Through  the  recital,  Albert  ground  his  teeth,  and  more 
than  once  swung  up  his  huge  fist,  and  lowered  in  his  imagi 
nation  at  the  assassins.  If  he  could  have  laid  hold  of  them 
in  that  moment  he  would  have  given  them  such  a  shaking 
that  there  would  scarcely  have  been  enough  left  for  the  law 
to  make  a  case  of  Albert  in  his  indignation,  denounced 


314  MADAME    JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

the  whole  municipal  authorities  for  allowing  outlaws  to  play 
such  pranks. 

One  day,  when  Albert  saw  that  Joel  was  on  the  mend,  he 
came  into  the  room.  His  face  was  full  of  kind  feeling,  and 
his  genial  soul  was  all  aglow. 

"  Come,  now,  my  boy,  I  am  not  going  to  have  you  housed 
up  in  this  place  any  longer.  He  placed  a  warm  shawl  over 
Joel's  shoulders,  and  set  a  hat  on  his  head.  "  Come,  now, 
take  a  turn  with  me  in  the  garden.  You  will  never  get 
strength  in  this  way."  Albert  took  Joel  under  the  arm,  and 
walked  with  him  down  the  stairs.  "  Joe,  I  want  you  to 
pick  up  right  brisk  now,  for  we  are  to  have  company  from 
abroad.  I  don't  want  your  friends  to  come  and  find  you 
mewed  up  in  this  way. " 

"What  friends?" 

"Why,  the  Senator  and  daughter,  and  the  lady  artist,  Miss 
Sternna  Somebody,  that  the  whole  United  States  have  gone 
wild  over.  She  has  painted  a  scene  from  the  civil  war, 
called  '  Eescued.' " 

"  This  is  all  news  to  me,"  said  Joel;  "  I  did  not  know 
they  intended  to  return  so  soon.  "When  do  they  arrive  ?  " 

"  In  a  few  days.  This  picture  is  thought  to  be  a  wonder. 
I  am  quite  curious  to  see  this  lady.  "Will  you  introduce 
me,  Joe?" 

"  I  shall  take  pride  in  doing  so,  and  feel  much  honored 
besides." 

The  effect  of  this  piece  of  news  upon  Joel  was  like  a 
draught  of  old  wine.  His  heart  might  have  beaten  a  little 
irregularly,  but  his  eyes  brightened,  and  the  color  came  and 
went  upon  his  cheek. 

"There,  Joe!  did  I  not  tell  you  the  air  would  do  you 
good  ?  "  You  look  twenty  per  cent,  better.  Now,  Joel,  in 
regard  to  this  incendiary  robber  cut-throat  business,  and 
that  package.  It  is  about  time  to  crack  it;  don't  you  think 
so?  Suppose  you  look  into  the  matter  before  your  friends 
arrive.  It  will  be  off  your  mind.  Let  it  be  good  or  bad,  it 


THE   YOUNG    HERCULES.  315 

is  better  to  have  it  settled,  that  is,  if  you  feel  strong  enough 
to  bear  it.  I  have  the  papers  locked  up  in  my  trunk.  Joe, 
I  don't  wish  to  pry  into  your  affairs,  but  if  you  feel  like 
trusting  me  your  confidence  shall  not  be  misplaced." 

At  this,  Joel  faced  about,  and  looked  at  the  young  Her 
cules  with  a  mischievous  laugh,  and  said: 

' '  Here's  a  hand  my  trusty  friend, 
And  gie  us  bock  anither. " 

"Ho,  ho!  my  Highlander;  I  was  not  aware  you  were 
Scotch." 

"The  devil  may  tell  what  I  am." 

Thus  they  laughed,  chatted,  and  walked  around  the  gar 
den,  the  young  Hercules  lending  the  strength  of  his  arm  to 
Joel. 

That  afternoon  Joel  and  Albert  were  closeted  together. 
A  table  stood  in  the  center  of  the  room,  and  the  two  young 
men  sat  opposite  each  other.  It  was  strewn  with  papers 
from  the  mysterious  package.  The  first  thing  they  fell  upon 
was  a  will  deeding  Madame  Junk  a  half  interest  in  a  gold 
mine  in  Australia.  For  Madame  Junk  there  was  also  ten 
thousand  dollars'  worth  of  Government  bonds.  Albert  gave 
a  prolonged  whistle. 

"Why,  the  old  lady  is  as  rich  as  Solomon.  Shell  be 
building  a  temple  for  the  poor,  my  word  for  it.  If  she  were 
a  younger  woman,  she  would  have  an  offer  of  marriage  be 
fore  to-morrow  noon.  I  am  not  so  sure  but  what  she  will 
as  it  is." 

"  I  am  more  pleased  than  if  it  were  for  myself;  she  has 
had  a  hard  time  ever  since  I  can  remember,"  said  Joel. 
"  She  has  been  to  work  for  God  all  these  years,  and  she 
will  say  that  God  has  rewarded  her  at  last." 

Then  here  was  a  long  corpulent-looking  envelope,  sealed 
and  double  sealed,  and  directed  to  Joel.  With  hand 
slightly  tremulous  he  slit  with  his  knife  lengthwise  this  en 
velope.  The  contents  were  emptied  upon  the  table.  The 
two  young  men  began  reading.  No  sound  was  heard  but 


316  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

the  rustling  of  the  papers.  So: no  half  an  hour  elapsed  be 
fore  either  one  raised  his  eyes.  Their  eyes  met.  Joel's  face 
was  covered  with  emotion  unutterable.  Albert  stretched 
his  hand  over  the  table  and  grasped  Joel's  hand. 

"  I  knew  it,  Joe!  I  knew  it  all  the  time!" 

Albert  was  so  brimful  of  joy,  he  must  give  vent  to  it  in 
some  way.  He  arose,  and  his  great,  tall  form  went  whizzing 
around  the  table.  He  stood  before  the  window  and  sang: 

"  High,  Betty  Martin,  tip-toe  fine, 
Couldn't  find  a  husband  to  suit  her  mind, " 

Turning  about  abruptly,  he  said: 

"  You  don't  seem  to  feel  very  chirk  about  it,  Joe!" 

"  It  may  be  all  a  lie!"  said  Joel. 

"  Not  a  bit  of  it!  If  that  man  never  told  the  truth  before 
in  his  life,  that  is  the  truth/' 

-What  shall  I  do?" 

"  Keep  still  and  investigate.  Write  to  this  man,  but  let 
us  rest  and  think.  It  is  near  limchtime  now/'  said  Albert, 
gathering  up  his  papers,  and  tying  them  up  with  a  string. 
' '  To-morrow  morning  we  shall  feel  fresher,  and  our  thoughts 
will  be  clearer/' 

If  passing  a  sleepless  night  can  make  one's  thoughts 
clearer,  those  boys  got  up  the  next  morning  with  clear 
heads.  However,  they  exchanged  their  usual  repartee  over 
their  coffee,  while  Albert's  father  suppressed  a  haw!  haw! 
that  at  any  other  place  but  his  own  breakfast-table  he 
would  have  given  vent  to.  After  breakfast  the  young  gen 
tlemen  took  a  turn  in  the  garden,  walking  arm  in  arm 
around  the  pleasant  paths. 

"  WTe  shall  have  some  copying  to  do  this  day;  it  is  best 
to  make  an  e^act  copy  of  each  paper  and  retain  the  original. 
But  hold  on — I  have  struck  it,"  said  Albert,  halting  so  sud 
denly  as  to  almost  upset  Joel.  "I  will  send  a  telegram 
this  very  hour.  If  any  such  family  lives  there,  or  ever  did, 
I  will  find  it  out  very  soon.  Come  on,  Joe!"  And  he  made 
a  rush  for  the  house  and  seized  his  hat. 


SENDING   A   TELEGRAM.  317 

Then  another  thought  seemed  to  occur  to  him.  He 
bounded  up-stairs,  two  steps  at  a  time,  and  took  out  the 
papers. 

"  There,  Joe,  just  read  off  the  names  while  I  write  them 
down." 

His  note-book  was  out,  and  his  hand  was  traveling  over 
the  paper  as  rapidly  as  the  words  dropped  from  Joel's  mouth. 
After  taking  down  what  he  considered  to  be  sufficient,  he 
read  it  aloud  to  Joel. 

"  Al,  that  is  a  long  telegram/' 

"  Who  the  devil  cares  how  long  it  is!  It  is  better  to  have 
one  long  one  than  many  short  ones.  If  that  don't  wind  up 
the  business,  nothing  can.  They  will  be  impressed  with  our 
importance,  if  they  judge  by  the  length  of  our  telegram. 
Wait,  Joe!  a  ride  would  do  you  good." 

In  sonorous  voice  Albert  was  heard  giving  orders  for  the 
two  black  mares  to  be  placed  before  the  phaeton  and  driven 
to  the  door  with  speed. 

"  My  son,  you  seem  to  be  in  great  glee  over  something 
this  morning,"  said  the  good  mother,  as  she  met  the  two 
young  gentlemen  passing  out.  Don't  weary  Joel  out.  You 
must  remember,  Joel  is  not  so  strong  as  you  are." 

"  Never  fear,  mother,"  said  Albert,  giving  her  a  kiss. 

Joel  was  soon  seated  beside  Albert.  Joel  looked  a  pigmy 
beside  a  giant.  Albert  sat  a  head  and  shoulders  above  Joel. 
Clip,  clap !  clip,  clap !  Away  went  the  black  mares  at  a  pace 
which  showed  they  were  imbued  with  the  spirit  of  the 
driver. 

Arriving  at  the  telegraph  office,  Albert  handed  the  reins 
to  Joel,  and  with  one  bound  landed  at  the  door.  He  de 
livered  the  message,  and  told  them  he  would  return  in  an 
hour  for  the  answer.  He  was  soon  in  the  phaeton,  and 
away  they  spun,  as  if  they  were  bent  on  delivering  the  tele 
gram  in  person. 

Joel  was  nervous  this  morning;  his  spirit  was  not  within 
his  own  control.  Albert  understood  all  this,  and  knew  the 


31 8  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

time  must  be  occupied  in  some  exciting,  break-neck  way, 
just  to  kill  it.  So  the  black  nags  had  to  step.  Albert  sang 
snatches  of  song,  and  looked  at  Joel  from  the  corners  of  his 
eyes,  remarked  this  and  that,  and  sang  again, 

"  If  a  body  kiss  a  body  coming  through  the  rye." 

When  they  brought  up  at  their  own  door,  Joel  looked  far 
from  well.  The  good  mother  became  alarmed,  and  reproved 
Albert  for  taking  him  so  far. 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  Mayo,  Albert  and  Joel,  were  seated  at  lunch 
when  there  came  an  emphatic  ring.  The  servant  soon 
handed  in  a  telegram,  addressed  to  Albert  Mayo,  Esq. 
Without  a  word  of  excuse,  he  dropped  his  knife  and  fork, 
and  began  reading.  Joel  watched.  Albert's  father  nodded 
and  smiled  at  Joel. 

"  My  son  is  a  man  of  pressing  business,  you  see." 

He  had  scarce  finished  the  words  before  Albert  jumped 
up,  ran  around  the  table,  and  grabbed  Joel  by  the  hand. 

"  There,  there,  Joe!  I  knew  it.  Bead  that,  and  get  color 
in  your  face.  Father  and  mother,"  said  Albert,  "  congrat 
ulate  Joel;  he  has  met  with  great  good  fortune." 

"  I  am  heartily  glad  to  hear  it,"  said  the  father,  who  was 
never  over-glib;  but  in  this  instance  he  looked  pleased. 

Joel  involuntarily  turned  his  eyes  toward  one  in  whom  he 
had  ever  found  sympathy. 

"  Whatever  your  good  fortune  may  be,  I  hope  it  will  prove 
a  blessing,"  said  the  good  mother,  with  moist  eyes. 

Joel  seemed  unable  to  utter  one  word  of  thanks  for  these 
kind  wishes.  There  was  a  lump  in  his  throat.  He  was 
ashamed  of  his  weakness. 

"  Father  and  mother,  please  excuse  Joel,"  said  Albert; 
"he  has  had  too  much  excitement  for  one  day.  Come,  Joe, 
let  us  retire." 

Joel  arose,  resting  one  hand  on  the  table. 

"  I — I — I  h — a —  He  reeled,  and  would  have  fallen  to 
the  floor  had  not  Albert  caught  him,  and  conveyed  him  to 


A  LONG  STORY,  BUT  A  TRUE  ONE.      319 

his  room,  the  good  mother  bringing  up  the  rear,  and  scold 
ing  as  much  as  she  ever  did  scold. 

"You  should  have  known  better.  He  has  been  a  very 
sick  boy;  and  now  to  have  another  set-back!  and  all  for 
your  folly.  Hereafter  I  shall  take  charge  of  him  myself. 
I'll  not  trust  you,  you  great  giant." 

Mrs.  Mayo  soon  returned  to  the  lunch-room,  where  Albert 
followed,  when  the  father  looked  up  and  asked:  "Well, 
young  man,  what  is  going  on  ?  " 

"  There  is  nothing  wrong  going  on,  Sir,"  returned  Albert. 
"You  are  doubtless  aware  that  Joel's  origin  is  not  known; 
but  thank  God,  this  day's  work  has  cleared  everything. 
Father,  Joel  belongs  to  the  ton.  You  like  him,  don't  you? 
You  know  how  you  have  always  scolded  me  for  not  being 
more  choice  in  my  selection  of  chums.  I  hope  you  won't 
complain.  My  best  friend  belongs  to  the  F.  F.  V.'s,  and  he 
has  a  father  and  mother  who  will  rank  with  any  of  the  mut 
ton-headed  millionaires  of  America.  Joel's  father  is  a  big 
gun — -has  a  coat-of-arms,  and  ancestry,  and  the  devil  knows 
what  other  gimcracks  that  will  make  a  lion  of  Joel." 

Here  the  good  mother  put  in  her  oar  by  remarking  that 
' '  Joel  would  have  always  been  the  same  to  her  if  he  never 
had  anything." 

"And  so  he  would  to  me,  mother;  but  I  am  so  glad.  Joel 
was  always  so  sensitive.  I  shall  be  so  glad  to  see  those  mut 
ton-headed  millionaires  (Albert  always  used  the  word  mutton 
before  millionaire)  who  snubbed  him  at  school  draw  in  their 
horns.  Won't  they  fawn  and  natter.  If  I  was  in  Joe's  place 
I'd  stick  up  my  aristocratic  nose  and  question  their  descent. 
I'd  know  who  their  grandfathers  were;  and  if  they  happened 
to  be  workingmen,  devil  a  bit  of  notice  they  would  get 
from  me." 

"This  must  be  an  interesting  story,"  said  Albert's  father. 

"  Yes,  it  is  a  long  story,  but  a  true  one," 


CHAPTEE  XXXYIII. 

THE  PET  PROJECT— THE  LAST  WILL. 

A  FTEB  Madame  Junk  came  into  possession  of  her  ten 
jLX  thousand  dollars  in  Government  bonds,  she  visited 
architects  and  consulted  with  them  upon  the  best  plans  of 
erecting  a  prison  reform,  or  in  other  words,  a  suitable  place 
for  reforming1  depraved  humanity.  The  name  of  this  estab 
lishment  should  be  "The  Prisoner's  Reformatory/'  Her 
beloved  project  should  be  carried  into  effect.  True,  she  was 
growing  a  little  old,  still  she  had  confidence  in  her  power  to 

superintend  it.  The  good  Doctor  S was  consulted,  and 

concurred  with  Madame  Junk  in  almost  everything. 

Madame  Junk,  in  her  zeal,  visited  the  jail,  and  whispered 
through  the  grates  to  the  prisoners  of  what  she  had  in  store 
for  them.  Miss  Busy  joined  with  Joel  in  trying  to  prevail 
-ipn-n  Madame  Junk  to  abandon  her  project,  and  look  out 
for  herself.  It  was  of  no  use.  She  said  she  had  not  long 
to  live,  and  would  like  to  leave  something  behind  her.  She 
cited  numerous  instances  where  such  a  reform  would  have 
worked  wonders  There  was  poor  Mary,  who  was  this  mo 
ment  an  inmate  of  an  inebriate  asylum.  At  this  reference 
Miss  Busy  gave  a  little  sniff  of  the  nose,  and  the  two  hus 
bands  appeared.  Miss  Busy  asked  Madame  Junk  if  she 
thought  Mary  could  have  been  reformed  under  any  circum 
stances.  Thereupon  Madame  Junk  declared  that  she  did. 
If  Mary  could  have  been  placed  where  she  need  feel  no 
humiliation,  she  would  have  reformed. 

"  Possibly,"  said  Miss  B  ;-v,  a  little  bitterly. 

Madame  Junk  had  no  iath  or  kin,  having  laid  her  sister 
Betsy  to  rest  beside  Samuel.  It  was  the  first  time  they 


OLIVER    CROMWELL   AND    EPITAPHS.  321 

were  ever  so  near  together  without  quarreling.  Now  that 
Madame  Junk  was  in  possession  of  money,  she  would  erect 
a  tombstone  over  the  grave  of  her  sister,  and  have  just  as 
long  an  epitaph  as  she  wanted.  If  she  wished  to  refer  to 
Oliver  Cromwell  more  than  once  in  said  epitaph,  it  would 
be  no  one's  business.  She  could  pay  for  the  lettering  now. 
She  even  went  so  far  as  to  write  a  few  lines  down.  "  Died 
so  and  so,  descended  from  Oliver  Cromwell;"  she  would 
have  this  last  statement  in  even  if  it  were  to  the  exclusion 
of  a  verse  from  Scripture.  The  illustrious  descendants  of 
Oliver  Cromwell  should  have  befitting  tombstones,  and 
proper  epitaphs  written  thereon.  Madame  Junk  would  have 
thought  it  quite  in  keeping  with  the  occasion  to  have  erected 
a  slab  for  Samuel  Blower,  and  write,  "  Here  lies  Samuel 
Blower,  born  so  and  so,  age  so  and  so,  married  to  one  of 
Oliver  Cromwell's  relations."  So,  what  between  architects 
and  gravestone  makers,  Madame  Junk  was  rather  busy. 
Then  there  were  a  score  or  more  of  indigent  people  that 
must  be  looked  after. 

Mrs.  Glewer  had  become  somewhat  known  to  the  business 
fraternity,  and  a  good  share  of  them  took  off  their  hats  as 
they  passed  the  handsome  Mrs.  Glewer  on  her  way  to  the 
store.  So  large  had  the  business  grown,  that  she  employed 
forty  men.  She  had  leased  the  ground  just  back  of  the  old 
shop,  and  had  erected  a  workshop.  To  the  reader  the  iron 
business  may  appear  rather  hard  for  a  lady,  but  there  is  one 
woman  who  can  superintend  the  making  of  knives  and  forks 
as  well  as  the  scouring  of  them. 

Tom  returned  much  reduced  in  strength.  Day  by  day  he 
seemed  declining;  at  last  he  was  confined  to  his  room.  One 
day,  as  Kate  sat  by  his  bedside,  her  maid-of -all-work  rapped 
softly  at  the  door,  put  her  head  in  and  beckoned  Kate  out. 
In  the  family  room  stood  a  small  boy  with  a  letter  in  his 
hand,  which  he  gave  to  Mrs.  Glewer  as  soon  as  she  entered. 
Kate  read  the  note  hastily.  "  Tell  the  lady  I  will  come." 
Kate  returned.  She  donned  her  hat  and  shawl,  kissed  her 

21 


322  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

husband,  told  him  he  must  not  be  lonely,  she  should  not  be 
gone  long,  and  tripped  away  toward  the  Home  of  the 
Inebriate. 

They  were  evidently  looking  for  her.  She  rang,  and  the 
door  was  opened  by  a  stalwart  female,  who  looked  at  Kate 
from  head  to  foot. 

"My  name  is  Glewer,"  said  Kate;  "a  poor  woman  sent 
for  me. 

"Ah,  crazy  Mary;  and  shure  it  bees  foine  sthories  she  is 
after  telling  about  ye;  but  her  tongue  will  not  wag  much 
longer,  at  all,  at  all." 

Kate  made  no  reply  to  these  remarks,  but  followed  the 
woman  until  she  was  ushered  into  a  small  room  where  Mary 
lay  dying.  She  was  stretched  upon  a  cot,  a  perfect  living 
skeleton.  She  turned  her  head  wearily  upon  the  pillow 
and  looked  at  Kate  with  her  hollow  eyes.  Kate  stepped  to 
the  bedside  and  placed  her  hand  upon  the  woman's  burning 
brow.  Feebly  she  drew  her  bony  arm  from  underneath  the 
clothing.  With  her  hand  she  lifted  Kate's  hand  from  her 
forehead  and  threw  it  from  her  with  all  the  vengeance  her 
strength  would  allow. 

"I  am  dying,  and  you  have  killed  me,"  said  the  woman; 
"  Tom  is  home?"  she  said,  looking  at  Kate. 

"  Yes." 

l(  I  must  see  him;  I  am  dying." 

"  That  is  impossible;  for  he  is  dying,  too." 

"  You  lie  to  keep  me  quiet." 

Kate  leaned  over  the  woman's  bed;  her  face  grewwhite, 
and  her  eyes  large. 

"  Mary,  I  am  telling  you  the  truth.  My  husband  will  not 
live  the  week  out."  Kate  walked  to  the  window,  and  looked 
out,  took  out  her  handkerchief,  and  wiped  her  eyes. 

"  Come  here,"  said  Mary,  c(  and  let  me  look  at  your  face 
again.  You  don't  look  like  a  liar.  Is  Tom  really  dying  ?" 

"  I  have  told  you  so,  and  it  is  the  truth." 

"  Good,  good,  good!"  ejaculated  the  dying  woman.  "  He 


REVIEWING   THE    PAST.  323 

deserves  to  die;  he  left  me  alone  with  my  child.  How  I 
cursed  him  the  night  I  sat  on  the  church  steps  all  night, 
holding  my  child  in  my  arms,  wandering  here  and  there, 
trying  to  pick  up  a  living,  and  he  courting  another  woman 
at  that  very  time.  How  I  worked!  No  one  would  keep  me 
long  with  a  child.  At  last  I  was  obliged  to  put  him  in  an 
orphan  asylum,  where  you  took  him  from.  It  was  I  that 
set  the  story  afloat  that  it  was  Tom's  child,  so  that  it  should 
come  to  your  ears,  and  mortify  you.  I  did  not  know  you 
were  such  a  great  woman,  and  would  go  and  take  the  child, 
and  bring  him  up  as  your  own.  I  did  not  know  that  you 
were  too  great-hearted  to  be  annoyed  in  that  way." 

The  tears  were  falling  from  Kate's  eyes. 

"Mary,  I  did  not  know  that  you  had  been  such  a  sufferer. 
I  understood  you  abandoned  your  child." 

11  Yes,  yes!  It  is  little  you  virtuous  wives  know  what  we 
who  have  no  husbands  and  fathers  for  our  children  suffer. 
It  is  all  very  well  as  long  as  the  men  go  scot  free.  A  man 
may  deceive  a  thousand  innocent  girls,  and  he  will  find  some 
woman  dishonorable  enough  to  marry  him." 

"Mary!"  and  Kate's  voice  rang  out  so  clear  and  firm. 
"  I  am  not  one  who  would  marry  such  a  man,  or  a  man  who 
had  deceived  one  girl,  if  I  knew  it." 

"Then  you  did  not  know  this  about  Tom ?" 

"No!  I  did  not.  I  would  not  have  such  a  curse  attached 
to  me." 

"  Then  you  really  did  not  know  it  ?" 

"  Before  high  Heaven,  I  did  not  know  it!" 

The  woman  closed  her  eyes  and  held  out  her  hand. 

"  I  have  wronged  you  then.  I  thought  you  knew  it,  and 
scorned  me  for  my  weakness  by  taking  my  child,  and  acting 
like  a  mother  to  it." 

"  I  thought  to  atone  for  my  husband's  sin." 

"  Then  you  do  not  love  my  boy?" 

"No,  I  do  not  think  I  love  him  \vith  a  mother's  love." 

"  Oh!  oh!"  groaned  poor  Mary;  "  my  poor  boy  has  never 
known  a  mother's  love." 


324  MADAME    JANE   JUNK    AND   JOE. 

"  He  has  known  a  mother's  care,  and  always  shall  while  I 
live,"  said  Kate. 

"Caring  for  him  to  atone  for  a  husband's  sin/' 

"  No,  not  altogether  that;  it  is  my  duty." 

'•'  Duty  without  love  is  a  hard  task." 

"Not  that  alone;  I  am  interested  in  him  now.  He  has 
our  name,  and  I  wish  to  make  something  of  him." 

"  Still  a  selfish  purpose." 

•'He  will  never  know  it,"  said  Kate:  "  he  will  be  well 
provided  for." 

"What  is  that  without  love  ?" 

"  I  did  not  say  I  did  not  love  the  boy  in  some  way;  but  I 
do  not  think  I  have  a  mother's  love  for  him." 

"And  why  not  ?  You  have  had  him  since  he  was  a  small 
child." 

"  I  do  not  know,"  said  Kate;  "  we  have  no  sympathy." 

"Will  you  tell  Tom  you  have  seen  me?" 

"No,  I  think  not." 

"Why?" 

"He  is  too  weak  to  bear  excitement  of  this  kind." 

"  Has  Tom  never  told  you  anything  about  me?" 

"  No,  he  has  never  referred  to  you  in  any  way." 

' '  Have  you  asked  him  no  questions  ?  " 

"No,  not  one." 

"  Strange,  strange,"  muttered  the  woman  in  an  under 
tone.  Again  she  turned  her  eyes  upon  Kate  with  a  search 
ing  look.  "  Does  Tom  know  this  boy  is  his  own?" 

"  He  knows  nothing,  only  what  he  heard  you  say.  I  do 
not  know  if  he  believes  it  or  not." 

"  In  that  case,"  said  the  woman,  bitterly,  "Tom  will  make 
no  provision  for  my  child,  his  child,  and  the  boy  will  be 
left  to  your  mercy — and  you  do  not  love  him.  He  will  be 
without  father  or  mother,  and  a  beggar." 

Kate  looked  at  the  woman.  She  knew  that  Mary  could 
live  but  a  few  days  at  most,  but  her  eyes  flashed  with  a  just 
resentment.  "  You  talk  of  my  mercy.  Has  not  my  mercy 


SHE    DID    HER   DUTY.  325 

fed,  clothed,  sheltered,  and  in  the  highest  degree  made  your 
child  comfortable  ?  "  Kate  went  on :  ' f  My  conscience  does 
not  upbraid  my  mercy,  and  you,  with  your  dying  breath, 
upbraid  me  for  the  years  of  care  I  have  given  your  child — 
for  the  hours  I  have  worked  that  I  might  advance  him  in 
education  and  position.  These  are  your  dying  thanks  to 
me,  who  have  done  for  your  child  what  his  father  and 
mother  would  not  have  done.  Had  Tom  really  known  that 
the  child  was  his  own,  he  would  not  have  allowed  me  to 
keep  him.  Mary,  there  has  been  a  time  in  my  life  when  I 
would  have  feared  a  dying  curse.  I  have  no  fear  of  yours. 
I  have  done  the  best  I  could.  If  you  go  to  your  God  with 
an  ill-feeling  in  your  heart  toward  me,  God  will  not  hold 
me  accountable  for  it.  God  knows  us  both,  and  will  judge 
us  accordingly.  I  have  never  wronged  you.  Had  I  known 
your  great  misfortune  before  I  married  Tom,  I  should  never 
have  been  his  wife." 

"  You  do  not  love  him  as  I  did,"  said  Mary. 

"  That  may  be,"  replied  Kate;  "  but  I  have  done  my  duty 
by  him  as  you  never  would  have  done  it." 

"I  believe  you." 

"  Mary,  what  can  I  do  for  you?"  said  Kate,  holding  her 
hand  toward  the  woman. 

"  I  wish  Tom  would  see  me  decently  buried.  Ask  Tom  to 
do  this  much  for  me." 

"  I  will  see  that  you  have  a  Christian  burial.  Will  you 
have  a  minister  to  pray  for  you  ?" 

"No;  I  want  Madame  Junk.  Her  prayers  helped  me 
once,  and  if  I  could  have  always  remained  with  her  I  should 
have  reformed." 

Kate  moved  toward  the  door,  opened  it  and  walked  out. 
She  had  passed  half  way  down  the  corridor  when  she  turned, 
walked  back,  and  entered  the  room  again.  She  went  up  to 
the  bed  and  leaned  over  it. 

"  Mary!  Mary!  I  could  not  leave  you  in  this  way.  I  want 
to  say  something  comforting  to  you.  If  we  never  meet 


326  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

again  on  earth,  let  us  part  with  friendly  feelings  toward  each 
other.  You  believe  I  speak  the  truth,  do  you  not  ?" 

"Yes!  yes!  you  speak  too  much  truth." 

"  "Well,  I  want  to  make  you  a  promise.  Your  child  shall 
share  with  me  in  my  husband's  estate;  and  if  he  outlives 
me,  he  shall  have  it  all." 

' '  There  is  heart  in  that/'  said  Mary;  "  and  you  will  keep 
your  word.  You  were  always  too  good  for  Tom,  and  I 
knew  it  the  first  time  I  set  eyes  on  you;  and  the  time  you 
ordered  me  out  of  your  house  I  knew  you  were  just  toward 
me." 

"There,  there,  Mary!  Do  you  feel  kindly  toward  me 
now?  I  may  never  see  you  again;  but  if  souls  are  allowed 
to  look  upon  us  from  another  world,  you  will  find  me  doing 
all  a  mother  could  do  for  a  child." 

"  I  wish  I  could  have  seen  my  child  before  I  die." 

"  He  is  in  school  a  long  distance  from  here;  and  if  you 
love  him  you  will  spare  him  the  pain  of  knowing  this." 

Kate  bent  down  and  pressed  her  lips  to  the  woman's 
forehead.  As  she  did  so,  the  tears  fell  upon  the  woman's 
face. 

"Good-by,  Mary!  May  God  bless  and  take  you  home, 
where  you  may  have  a  life  with  less  sorrow  than  you  have 
known  here!" 

With  these  words  Kate  hastened  away  to  the  bedside  of 
another  dying  sinner. 

On  her  homeward  journey  Kate  called  on  Madame  Junk, 
informed  her  of  Mary's  request,  and  that  in  her  dying  mo 
ments  she  desired  religious  consolation. 

The  reader  is  aware,  long  before  this,  that  Madame  Junk 
is  at  home  in  this  line.  Not  that  she  desired  that  any  one 
should  die  that  she  might  bring  into  use  this  God-given 
talent  of  accompanying  with  her  prayers  souls  that  pass 
through  the  valley  of  the  shadow  of  death.  Still,  when  death 
does  come,  Madame  Junk  had  an  inward  satisfaction  in 
being  called  on  to  pray.  Her  prayers  were  no  stereotyped 


A    PLAN    BEYOND    HIS    REACH.  327 

affairs  that  would  answer  for  any  sinner,  but  they  came  from 
the  heart.  More  than  once  the  prayers  offered  up  at  the 
bedside  of  dying  sinners  has  called  into  the  paths  of  recti 
tude  and  virtue  sinners  that  lived  long  years  afterwards. 
Then  who  shall  say  this  eccentric  woman  has  not  done  her 
individual  share  toward  the  redemption  of  mankind  ? 

"When  Kate  arrived  at  her  home  she  expected  to  find  Tom 
impatient,  but  was  greatly  surprised  to  find  him  in  a  very 
docile  frame  of  mind.  She  asked  him  how  he  had  spent 
the  time. 

"  In  thought,"  was  his  answer.  "Do  you  know,  Kate, 
I  am  determined  to  make  my  will,  and  that  very  soon.  Not 
that  I  think  I  am  going  to  die,  but  it  is  well  enough  to  be 
on  the  safe  side.  If  I  should  die  without  a  will,  the  law  is 
such  that  you  could  only  hold  half  of  my  possessions;  the 
rest  would  go  to  my  family;  and  that  I  do  not  wish.  Not 
having  any  children  of  our  own,  my  brothers  would  be 
likely  to  interfere  with  you.  Not  that  I  am  going  to  die; 
but  I  do  it  as  a  precaution." 

Kate  seemed  lost  in  thought.  At  last,  looking  up,  she 
asked  the  question: 

"  Is  not  George  our  own  ?" 

"  No!"  said  Tom;  "  and  my  brothers  would  soon  let  you 
know  that." 

Kate's  high  sense  of  right  was  likely  to  get  the  better  of 
her  discretion. 

"  Tom,  when  you  make  your  will,  I  wish  you  would  divide 
everything  equally  between  George  and  myself." 

Tom  turned  his  head  on  the  pillow,  and  looked  square  in 
the  face  of  his  wife. 

"  Woman!  you  are  beside  yourself.  How  do  you  know 
what  sort  of  a  man  this  boy  will  make  ?  Do  you  think  I 
will  take  the  chance  of  this  boy  squandering  my  hard 
earnings  ?" 

"  But,  Tom,  he  is  our  child."  (She  wanted  to  say,  "  He 
is  your  own  flesh  and  blood,  and  you  are  just  as  much  his 
father  as  if  I  had  been  his  mother .") 


328  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

"  No,  Kate,  not  a  penny.  In  case  I  should  die,  you  will 
see  that  he  has  a  home,  and  is  comfortably  cared  for  until 
he  can  earn  his  own  living." 

Kate  was  silent;  she  had  her  own  plan,  and  it  was  beyond 
the  reach  of  any  one  who  might  attempt  to  frustrate  it. 


CHAPTEK  XXXIX. 

THE  CONTRITE  SINNER— TOM'S  DEATH— A  NEW  FATHER 
AND  MOTHER— THE  FIVE  ACRES— A  LECTURE  ON 
INDUSTRY. 

MADAME  JUNK  was  not  long  in  making  her  way  to 
the  bedside  of  Mary,  with  whom  she  prayed  long 
and  fervently;  Mary  repeating  after  her  the  words  in  the 
prayer. 

For  three  successive  days  she  called,  and  labored  with 
Mary  at  the  throne  of  mercy.  The  third  day  the  soul  passed 
from  its  tenement  of  clay,  forgiving  all  and  asking  to  be  for 
given.  Madame  Junk  gave  rather  elaborate  orders  for  the 
funeral  services.  The  dead  body  was  better  dressed  than 
the  living  one  had  ever  been.  The  folded  hands  held 
flowers  more  rare  than  the  living  ones  had  ever  gathered. 
G-ood  Dr.  S gave  a  short  exhortation,  in  which  he  men 
tioned  the  repentance  of  the  deceased;  how  she  had  passed 
from  a  world  altogether  unfit  to  live  in;  how  she  had  died 
a  Christian.  The  only  mourners  that  followed  the  contrite 
Mary  to  her  last  resting-place  were  Madame  Junk  and  Kate 
Glewer.  Kate  kept  her  word;  she  gave  the  woman  whom 
her  husband  had  wronged  a  Christian  burial.  She  should 
have  a  well-kept  grave  while  Mrs.  Glewer  lived.  Flowers 
should  be  planted,  and  a  neat  white  fence  placed  about  it; 
a  plain  marble  slab  should  be  erected,  and  Madame  Junk 
begged  the  privilege  of  conducting  the  epitaph,  which  should 
be  simple,  but  suitable. 

Kate's  duties  became  manifold.  She  kept  her  husband's 
business  running  smoothly,  also  attending  to  her  own  home 


330  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

and  making  her  husband  as  comfortable  as  a  sick  man  can 
be  made.  One  day  she  announced  her  intention  of  sending 
for  George. 

""Why?"  asked  Tom;  "you  do  not  think  I  am  gcing  to 
die,  do  you?" 

Kate  evaded  the  question  by  saying  that  George  had 
been  a  long  time  from  home,  and  that  she  wanted  to  see 
him  herself.  In  her  heart  she  did  hope  Tom  would  explain 
some  things;  she  would  like  to  have  him  acknowledge 
George,  and  act  like  a  real  father.  The  evening  George 
was  to  arrive  Kate  was  more  than  weary.  It  was  the  first 
time  for  years  that  her  strong  physical  nature  was  compelled 
to  succumb.  She  had  stretched  herself  upon  a  couch  in 
Tom's  room  so  as  to  be  within  hailing  distance.  She  heard 
a  strange  rattle  from  Tom's  throat.  She  arose  quickly, 
went  to  the  bed;  she  placed  her  arms  und'er  him  and  raised 
him  up.  "Kate!  My  son!  Forgive  me!"  and  the  breath 
had  left  the  body,  never  to  return.  The  rattle  of  carriage- 
wheels  was  heard,  a  quick  step  in  the  hall,  and  George 
stood  in  the  presence  of  a  dead  father  and  a  beloved  living 
adopted  mother.  Neither  spoke.  George  stepped  to  the 
bedside,  and  his  affectionate  nature  gave  vent  to  a  flood  of 
tears.  He  bent  over  the  form  of  his  father;  he  kissed  his 
brow;  he  placed  his  hand  upon  the  dead  man's  head,  and 
smoothed  back  the  hair,  dewy  with  death.  "Oh,  father! 
father!  You  did  not  love  me!  I  have  loved  you!  Oh, 
father,  if  I  could  have  had  your  blessing.  Were  I  your 
own  child,  my  heart  could  not  yearn  toward  you  more/' 
The  young  man  looked  up  and  said : 

"  I  knew  father  wanted  to  see  me.  I  hastened  as  soon  as 
I  received  your  letter.  Did  he  seem  anxious  for  me  ?  " 

Kate  had  not  the  heart  to  tell  George  that  not  one  kind 
word  had  been  spoken. 

Bad  news  travels  fast.  Madame  Junk  was  one  of  the  first 
to  offer  sympathy.  She  knelt  down  and  offered  up  a  prayer 
for  the  dead  man's  soul;  she  prayed  for  the  widow  and  the 


IF    HE    SHOULD    ATTEMPT    IT.  331 

son;  she  asked  God  to  bless  them,  with  true  pathos.  Mad 
ame  Junk  thought  if  God  had  set  her  apart  to  do  this  work 
(and  she  believed  He  had),  she  would  not  falter.  It  had 
ever  been  her  especial  province  to  comfort  the  sick  and 
afflicted  and  to  be  at  the  bedside  of  the  dying. 

Good  Dr.  S was  to  preach  the  funeral  sermon.  Mad 
ame  Junk,  in  summing  up  the  good  things  to  be  referred  to 
in  the  course  of  the  address,  mentioned  Tom's  political 
activity,  which,  she  affirmed,  at  one  time  elected  the  right 

man  to  the  right  place.     The  good  Dr.  S ,  however,  had 

his  own  opinion  in  regard  to  recommending  such  qualities 
as  a  virtue,  and,  if  we  remember  rightly,  did  not  refer  to  it. 
The  business  was  closed,  and  every  man  in  Tom  Glewer's 
employ  attended  the  funeral  and  followed  his  remains  to  the 
grave.  Each  and  all  spoke  kindly  of  him;  they  said  he  was 
an  honest  man;  and  if  the  reader  will  consider  a  moment, 
it  is  a  great  thing  to  be  said  over  the  grave  of  any  man  or 
woman;  it  is  the  summing  up  of  all  the  cardinal  virtues. 

As  yet,  D.  D.  Spludge  has  never  thought  of  taking 
another  helpmeet.  Stranger  things  have  happened  than  it 
would  be  for  him  to  lead  Madame  Junk  to  the  altar.  She 
would  be  a  desirable  acquisition  to  any  man,  with  her  Home 
in  full  blast  and  a  half  interest  in  a  gold  mine — a  fact  which 
Mr.  Spludge  has  heard  of;  also,  her  steadily  increasing 
popularity.  Certainly  the  source  from  which  this  wealth 
came  was  not  quite  the  ticket;  but  what  of  that?  It  was  a 
ticket  the  world  would  close  one  eye  to,  and  let  a  man  slip 
in  on.  It  is  not  a  bad  idea,  but  as  sure  as  he  attempts  to 
court  Madame  Junk  she  will  allow  bis  hopes  to  be  raised  to 
the  highest  pitch,  then  she  will  dash  them  to  the  ground. 
In  other  words,  he  will  get  jilted;  and  his  hitherto  respect 
able  position  will  prevent  him  from  suing  for  a  breach  of 
promise.  We  scarcely  anticipate  such  a  thing  will  occur; 
but  if  it  should,  our  judgment  tells  us  this  would  be  the 
result. 

Joel  was  about  to  start  for  Washington,  where  his  father 


332  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

and  mother  reside,  who  are  anxiously  awaiting  the  arrival 
of  their  son,  whom  they  had  supposed  drowned  something 
like  twenty-two  years  since,  when  a  boy  two  or  three  years 
old.  His  little  straw  hat  was  found  floating  on  the  river. 
In  place  of  being  drowned  he  had  been  abducted  by  Ralph 
Barns,  who  received  the  sum  of  three  thousand  dollars  for 
drowning  the  heir  to  the  immense  Fletcher  estate.  This 
was  done  at  the  instigation  of  Joel's  uncle,  who  would  be 
the  next  heir,  provided  Mr.  Fletcher  died  childless.  The 
reader  already  knows  that  Mr.  Burns  sent  the  boy  to  Mad 
ame  Junk,  informing  her  that  the  child  was  his  own,  a 
statement  she  had  never  doubted  for  years.  The  papers 
which  he  gave  into  Joel's  keeping  contained  a  full  account 
of  everything,  giving  Mr.  Fletcher  proof  positive  that  the 
statement  was  true,  and  that  Joel  was  really  his  child.  Dur 
ing  these  years  the  brother  who  perpetrated  this  crime  died 
of  remorse  and  grief,  supposing  he  had  caused  the  murder 
of  his  brother's  only  child.  Ralph  always  intended  to  set 
the  boy  right;  and  when  he  found  himself  sentenced  for  a 
long  term  of  years,  he  looked  upon  his  case  as  a  hopeless 
one.  But  when  by  good  fortune  he  made  his  escape  from 
prison,  he  wanted  the  package  that  contained  his  wealth 
and  the  secret  of  Joel's  birth. 

The  good  Mrs.  Mayo  would  not  give  her  consent  that  Joel, 
in  his  weak  condition,  should  set  out  upon  this  journey 
alone;  for  this  reason,  Albert  was  to  accompany  him. 

Those  of  our  readers  who  have  visited  the  Capital,  and 
have  walked  up  Madison  Avenue,  will  remember  a  large 
brownstone  house,  setting  far  back,  with  tall  elm  and 
maple  trees  overshadowing  the  carriage-way  that  leads  to 
the  house.  There  is  an  indescribable  something  about  this 
house  that  bespeaks  the  tone  of  the  inmates.  It  has  a  de 
cidedly  aristocratic  bearing,  and  the  poorest  observer  might 
know  that  no  common  people  lived  there.  There  is  none 
of  your  newfangled  filigrees  about  this  house;  it  is  none 
of  your  hop-arid-skip  houses,  that  must  be  pulled  down 


A    GOOD    AMERICAN    GUN.  333 

every  year  and  made  over  in  fashion.  It  is  like  a  sensible 
woman  who  makes  a  silk  dress  and  intends  to  wear  it  out  as 
she  has  made  it.  The  name  of  Roen  Fletcher  is  upon  the 
door-plate.  The  interior  is  as  sound  as  the  exterior.  If 
there  were  any  grandchildren  to  ramble  through  it,  per 
chance  it  might  be  less  lonely. 

Boen  Fletcher  is  in  the  afternoon  of  life;  so  is  Elizabeth, 
his  wife.  She  is  one  of  the  most  beautiful  old  ladies  we 
ever  saw,  somewhat  after  the  Martha  Washington  type,  but 
moulded  far  more  exquisitely,  taller,  and  more  queenly  than 
was  Martha  Washington.  You  understand  at  once  where 
this  woman  belongs;  you  understand  her  place  is,  and  ever 
has  been,  one  of  pre-eminence.  There  is  a  glory  about  her 
that  involuntarily  makes  the  lowest  order  of  men  feel  to 
honor  women. 

Koen  Fletcher  is  a  gentleman  of  the  old  school,  with  an 
address  haughty,  yet  still  urbane.  Roen  Fletcher  has 
written  some  of  the  most  powerful  essays  on  political  econ 
omy  ever  written  in  the  United  States.  He  has  ever  been 
the  counselor  of  high  dignitaries,  and  a  man  universally 
esteemed;  he  is  an  American,  and  an  honor  to  his  land. 
Both  he  and  his  wife  are  of  English  extraction.  His  lineage 
can  be  traced  back  to  George  the  Fourth.  (However,  that 
is  no  great  honor.  I  should  prefer  to  have  had  Abraham 
Lincoln  for  an  ancestor  of  mine  rather  than  George  the 
Fourth.)  But  casting  this  aside,  to  sum  it  all  up,  and  use 
the  words  of  our  young  Hercules,  Albert  Mayo,  "Mr. 
Fletcher  is  a  great  gun — a  good  American  gun — that  has 
never  missed  fire  in  any  of  those  political  wars  in  which  our 
country  has  been  agitated." 

Just  at  this  moment  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Fletcher  are  in  an  un 
usual  state  of  excitement.  These  dispatches  that  have  been 
forwarded  to  them  from  across  the  continent  have  had  a 
disquieting  effect.  The  mother  is  full  of  hopes;  the  father 
doubtful.  All  the  mother's  heart  is  called  into  action.  The 
slumbering,  yearning  mother's  love  reaches  afar  to  clasp  a 


334  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

lost  idol.  "What  a  shock  if  it  should  prove  untrue !  "What 
hopes!  what  thoughts!  what  fears! 

Together  these  two  recalled  every  scene  of  the  past;  to 
gether  they  reviewed  this  brother's  life;  his  dying  confession 
of  how  he  hired  this  man  to  murder  their  child;  how  he 
begged  and  prayed,  in  his  last  moments,  for  their  for 
giveness. 

"While  the  young  gentlemen  are  making  their  journey,  we 
will  see  what  Madame  Junk  is  about.  She  has  purchased  a 
piece  of  land  quite  out  of  the  city,  and  the  work  of  erecting 
the  reformatory  establishment  is  in  full  blast.  Carpenters 
and  masons  are  at  work,  hammer  and  tongs.  Every  day 
Madame  Junk  may  be  seen  standing  by,  viewing  the  scene 
with  a  complacent  smile.  It  is  a  stupendous  undertaking 
for  a  woman  who  is  not  in  her  prime;  but  Madame  Junk  is 
a  prime  wroman,  as  we  shall  prove.  More  than  one  sleep 
less  night  was  passed  in  studying  how  to  make  this  a  paying 
institution.  Her  better  judgment  told  her  that  she  could 
not  take  in  Tom,  Dick  and  Harry,  and  have  them  lie  about, 
eat,  drink,  and  do  nothing.  In  such  a  case  ten  to  one  they 
would  study  how  to  cut  up  some  new  rusty.  No,  no,  that 
would  not  do. 

Happily  she  had  purchased  five  acres  of  land.  Of  course, 
that  would  enable  them  to  raise  their  own  fruit  and  vegeta 
bles;  the  women  could  sew  or  make  paper  bags;  in  any 
event,  this  must  be  a  self-supporting  institution  for  released 
malefactors,  where  the  Scriptures  might  be  followed  out: 
"  Lest  a  man  be  bom  again,  he  cannot  enter  the  kingdom 
of  heaven."  "With  this  view  in  end,  Madame  Junk  would 
have  a  chapel,  and  if  no  minister  could  be  found  godly 
enough  to  give  his  time  for  the  redemption  of  men's  souls, 
she  would  do  the  preaching  herself;  she  would  set  forth  her 
own  peculiar  views  in  regard  to  propagating  a  better  race 
of  people.  If  our  race  were  only  born  right,  there  would 
be  no  necessity  of  their  being  born  again. 

The  handsome  "Widow  Grlewer  literally  became  a  worker 


A    NATURAL    LAW.  335 

in  Hie  field.  Her  clear  judgment  and  sound  practical  sense 
were  invaluable  to  Madame  Junk,  not  alone  with  her  advice 
but  with  her  purse.  When  the  right  time  came,  she  told 
Madame  Junk  that  the  ground  must  be  planted  and  fenced 
in. 

"  Don't  go  to  making  a  show-fence,  but  a  common  rough 
board  fence.  It  is  time  to  look  after  the  different  sorts  of 
fruit  trees.  Trees  must  be  selected  which  we  can  plant 
ourselves,"  said  the  resolute  Kate. 

If  a  woman  can  dig  a  grave  for  a  haversack,  she  can 
plant  a  tree.  So  Kate  and  Madame  Junk  spent  one  whole 
day  in  ordering  from  the  nursery  a  variety  of  fruit  trees; 
and  with  the  assistance  of  one  man  they  planted  them. 
They  dug,  hoed  and  scraped,  and  at  the  end  of  a  week 
quite  a  large  patch  of  ground  was  covered  with  what  looked 
to  be  straight  sticks.  Of  course,  there  would  have  to  be  a 
great  gang  of  people  in  the  house  to  eat  all  the  fruit  that 
would  come  from  those  trees.  Kate  saw  that  part  of  the 
fruit  must  be  sold,  in  order  to  make  the  trees  pay  for  them 
selves;  whereas,  Madame  Junk  would  let  them  eat  it  all,  or 
give  it  away,  and  trust  in  God  to  pay  for  the  trees.  Kate 
was  not  a  religionist  or  a  radical  in  anything;  therefore 
had  no  faith  that  the  Kef ormatory  Home  could  be  sustained 
upon  the  word  of  God  alone.  She  believed  in  work.  It 
was  idleness  that  made  charity  institutions  a  necessity. 
This  she  impressed  upon  Madame  Junk  with  the  full  vigor 
of  her  clear  judgment. 

It  was  in  vain  Madame  Junk  argued  that  some  folks  were 
born  idle;  it  was  constitutional;  an  innate  thing  handed 
down  from  generation  to  generation. 

"Madame  Junk,"  said  Kate,  "you  must  make  it  a  rule 
that  every  one  that  comes  within  these  walls  must  work." 

"But,"  returned  Madame  Junk,  "  they  can't  starve  if 
they  won't  work." 

"  Yes,  they  can;  and  it  is  a  just  punishment  that  they 
should.  I  look  upon  it  as  a  natural  law,  and  if  you  call 


336  MADAME    JANE   JUNK    AND   JOE. 

God  in  question,  it  is  the  law  of  God,  and  a  law  we  have 
no  right  to  interfere  with.  Any  one  who  can  work,  and 
might  work,  and  won't  work,  I  should  consider  I  was  com 
mitting  a  great  sin  to  feed.  I  think  hunger  will  reform 
idleness  more  than  any  amount  of  Bible  doctrine." 

"Maybe,"  said  Madame  Junk,  in  a  listless  way,  totally 
unable  to  bring  anything  to  bear  against  this  knock-down 
logic. 

Kate. was  gaining  ground,  and  Madame  Junk  was  likely 
to  be  beaten  by  her  own  theory. 

Kate  continued:  "If  idleness  is  an  inborn  propensity 
and  handed  down  from  generation  to  generation,  and  this 
institution  is  a  reformatory  one,  as  you  term  it,  for  reform 
ing  depraved  humanity,  why  it  is  best  to  begin  at  the  root 
of  the  evil.  It  is  best  to  make  the  idle  work,  and  the  in 
dustrious  ones  will  require  no  driving." 

"Suppose  they  won't  work?" 

"We  will  let  them  starve  then." 

"This  might  make  thieves  of  them;  they  would  go  out 
and  steal." 

"  They  are  already  thieves;  for  any  man  or  woman  who  is 
content  to  eat  the  bread  they  have  not  earned  is  a  thief, 
that  is,  if  well,  and  able  to  work  for  it.  Furthermore,  any 
man  or  woman  who  will  provide  for  such  idleness  is  aiding 
and  abetting  thieves.  You  must  excuse  me  for  drawing  this 
strong.  When  well,  strong  men  or  women  ask  us  for  some 
thing  to  eat,  let  us  provide  them  with  work.  The  only  true 
objects  of  charity  are  those  who  have  the  misfortune  to  be 
in  poor  health." 

"  You  are  severe,"  said  Madame  Junk. 

"I  hope  I  shall  never  be  unjust.  Look  at  this  ground 
that  is  in  want  of  cultivation.  Suppose  a  good  strong  man 
was  to  come  up  and  say,  '  I  want  something  to  eat/  I  would 
give  him  something  to  work  upon  as  well  as  eat.  If  he 
would  not  work,  I  should  consider  that  I  was  encouraging 
idleness  by  feeding  such  a  person.  I  believe  in  reform  as 


A    SELF-IMPOSED    BURDEN.  337 

mucli  as  you  do,  but  I  also  believe  that  misplaced  charity 
kills  half  of  the  would-be  reform.  This  onesided  labor 
question  is  too  onesided  for  me.  You  will  find,  with  the 
useful  portion  of  community,  that  life  is  no  joke,  and  too 
frequently  their  backs  have  been  bent,  if  not  broken,  by 
toiling  up  the  hill  of  life  beneath  the  dead  weight  of  some 
one's  laziness.  Look  about  us.  Look  on  what  is  called 
our  best  society,  and  see  what  we  find  there.  The  husbands 
and  fathers  of  our  best  society  toil  from  early  dawn  until 
late  at  night  to  support  their  families  in  indolence.  "What 
do  these  do-nothing  women  amount  to  ?  Generally  speak 
ing,  they  are  women  of  the  most  common  order  of  mind — 
have  not  an  idea  beyond  the  last  fashion-plate,  and  study 
nothing  else.  I  often  think  the  men  are  poorly  rewarded 
for  all  their  toil.  If  I  were  a  man,  I  would  not  sacrifice 
my  life  for  the  pleasure  of  looking  at  a  beautiful  woman. 
To  be  a  beautiful  woman  is  not  a  merit.  To  live  a  full  life, 
to  Lave  done  good,  to  have  achieved  something  by  which 
we  may  be  remembered  after  this  life,  should  be  the  end  and 
aim  of  every  true  woman;  not  merely  to  catch  a  husband 
who  will  *vvork  like  a  dog  from  morn  until  night,  and  from 
year's  end  to  year's  end  to  clothe  a  wife  in  '  purple  and  fine 
linen/  And  for  this  life  of  self-sacrifice  she  honors  him  by 
taking  his  name,  smiling  on  him  three  times  a  day,  and 
dressing  so  fine  that  the  world  says:  '  Smith,  or  Jones,  your 
wife  is  a  handsome  woman.' " 

"But,"  said  Madame  Junk,  "don't  you  think  the  men 
are  greatly  at  fault  that  the  women  are  so  vain  and  idle  ? 
Only  a  charming  woman  has  power  nowadays;  their  only 
way  to  hold  a  man  is  by  their  beauty." 

' '  If  these  so-called  charming  women  did  their  duty  we 
should  have  less  need  of  reform.  It  is  just  like  subjecting 
the  system  to  one  kind  of  food.  You  may  eat  Graham  mush 
until  your  stomach  refuses  to  bear  anything  stronger.  The 
men  of  our  best  society  have  been  fed  on  milk  and  water 
until  they  look  upon  that  class  of  diet  as  the  most  refined. 

22 


338  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

Did  you  ever  stop  to  think  that  our  calendars  of  crime  are 
not  filled  with  the  middle  classes?  The  hard-working 
mechanics  are  not  often  forgers  (Madame  Junk  gave  a  little 
start),  knaves  and  wholesale  swindlers.  They  are  more 
frequently  the  sons  of  our  handsome,  fashionable  do-nothing 
mothers  of  the  so-called  best  society.  They  are  sons  born 
in  indolence,  bred  in  it,  and  educated  in  it;  who  scorn  honest 
labor.  Many  of  them  are  educated  in  theory,  but  not  in 
actual  knowledge,  which  is  born  of  industry,  and  advances 
mankind.  The  very  seed  of  indolence  was  nurtured  by  the 
mother  ere  the  child  was  born." 

"That  is  my  theory/'  said  Madame  Junk,  bristling  up. 
"  How  can  we  help  it  ?" 

"  By  removing  the  cause,"  said  Kate,  promptly.  "Let 
these  soft  women  wake  up  to  the  fact  that  it  is  a  selfish 
crime  to  lead  an  idle  life,  making  themselves  a  weight  to 
some  poor  fool,  who  has  led  them  to  the  altar  with  the 
promise  to  carry  them  on  his  back  '  until  death  do  them 
part/53 

"  It  is  a  load  of  their  own  seeking/'  said  Madame  Junk, 
with  a  smile. 

"  In  part  that  is  true;  but  an  adroit  angler  can  catch 
suckers,  especially  if  he  makes  a  life-long  profession  of  it. 
The  very  men  who  support  your  churches,  where  women 
go  every  Sabbath  to  see  the  fashions,  are  not  men  who 
follow  the  teachings  of  the  Bible  in  any  form.  They  are 
content  to  take  unto  themselves  a  *  help-eat/  they  expect  to 
slide  into  heaven  on  their  wives'  prompt  contributions  to 
ward  the  support  of  a  favorite  church." 

We  trust  the  reader  will  excuse  Kate,  this  being  her  first 
lecture  on  the  reform  question.  If  her  audience  was  small, 
it  was  attentive  enough,  to  make  up.  Besides,  we  all  know 
(at  least  the  male  portion  of  our  community)  that  when  a 
woman's  tongue  is  inclined  to  wag,  she  will  not  stop  until 
her  entire  vocabulary  of  words  has  been  exhausted. 


CHAPTEK  XL. 

ON  THE  WING—RETURN  HOME— A  VISIT  TO  THE  MOUN 
TAINS— WOMEN  ARE  DEVILS;  SNAKES,  EVERY  ONE 
OF  'EM,  SIR. 

rT~lHE  young  gentlemen  were  fast  approaching  the  end  of 
JL  their  journey.  The  sea  air  had  brought  the  color  to 
Joel's  cheeks,  and  he  had  gained  greatly  in  strength. 

"  By  Jove,  Joe!  you  are  getting  as  sweet  as  a  peach.  If 
you  continue  to  gain  so  fast  in  good  looks  as  you  have  done 
since  we  started,  I  am  pretty  certain  the  old  Governor  will 
not  be  able  to  resist  you,  whether  he  thinks  you  are  his  son 
or  not." 

"  Albert,  do  jrou  think  the  Governor,  as  you  are  pleased 
to  term  him,  is  the  only  one  that  will  require  proof?  I  also 
shall  require  proof  that  he  is  my  father.  Where  there  is 
money  in  the  case,  I  am  not  going  to  bow  down.  I  will  not 
compromise  my  self-respect  by  taking  one  step  more  than 
half  way  to  meet  this  man.  I  don't  care  what  the  proof  is." 

"Look  here,  Joe!  The  gentleman's  age  demands  that 
you,  as  a  younger  man,  should  show  that  respect  which  is 
always  due  our  elders." 

"Ah!  that  is  another  question."  said  Joel.  "  We  may 
show  the  most  profound  respect  without  crawling  to  estab 
lish  a  claim.  A  fact  that  cannot  establish  itself,  I  will  have 
nothing  to  do  with." 

"Well,  there  is  one  thing  I  do  know:  the  fact  does  exist," 
said  Albert,  "  if  it  is  never  established." 

"This  is  a  matter  over  which  a  sensitive  man's  nature 
recoils.  A  claim  fought  for  in  this  way  looks,  in  many  in 
stances,  wholly  mercenary,  and  I  cannot  see  wherein  my 

(339) 


340  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

case  would  seem  an  exception.  The  love  of  a  son  for  his 
parents,  and  of  the  parents  for  a  son,  needs  no  contending 
for;  the  motives  outside  of  that  are  money  and  position." 

"Not  altogether,"  said  Albert.  "  It  might  be  to  show  the 
world  that  you  were  of  good  stock.  It  is  something  to  be 
descended  from  a  good  race  of  people/' 

"But,"  returned  Joel,  "the  claim  of  ancestry  which 
requires  a  great  amount  of  fighting  to  support  would  at 
once  show  a  very  mean  race  of  people;  therefore,  any  ances 
try  that  must  be  fought  for  I  would  scorn  to  own." 

"Joel,  your  notions  are  too  lofty  for  a  man  who  intends 
to  follow  law  for  a  profession." 

"  Be  that  as  it  may;  so  far  as  my  individual  self  is  con 
cerned,  I  shall  contest  no  claim  of  this  kind.  I  may  be  as 
poor  as  a  beggar,  but  I  am  not  a  beggar  of  that  sort." 

"If  there  was  nothing  else  to  prove  your  origin,  your 
everlasting  pride  would  do  it." 

"Pride  is  a  good  thing,  and  if  the  one  who  has  it  suffers, 
why  that  is  his  own  look  out." 

Senator  A.  G.  Smith,  wife  and  daughter,  together  with 
old  Bory  and  Sternna,  arrived  the  day  after  Albert  and  Joel 
set  out  upon  their  journey.  They  were  disappointed  at  not 
seeing  Joel,  but  on  being  informed  of  his  mission  they  re 
joiced,  and  wished  him  Godspeed.  After  a  few  days  of  rest 
the  Senator  set  about  the  investigation  of  Sternna's  origin. 
He  held  a  long  consultation  with  Madame  Junk,  gleaning 
from  her  every  little  item,  and  every  day  he  added  some 
thing  new  to  the  list. 

He  found  that  there  was  an  old  man  far  up  in  the  moun 
tains  who  knew  something  about  Sternna  when  she  was  an 
infant.  The  Senator  was  determined  to  learn  what  he  knew 
about  it.  Madame  Junk  had  great  confidence  that  this  old 
man  knew  something  of  importance  in  regard  to  the  matter. 
So  eager  was  she  to  push  things  that  she  proposed  to  accom 
pany  the  Senator  upon  this  journey.  She  had  a  vague  idea 
that  it  would  require  a  woman's  adroitness  to  obtain  the 


THE    DISCOVERY.  341 

desired  information.  The  two  set  out  upon  their  search. 
Far  up  amid  the  tall  pines  they  discovered  a  little  hut  whose 
inmate  was  a  little  old  man  almost  in  his  second  childhood. 
He  seemed  to  be  greatly  surprised  that  he  should  be  the 
object  of  their  visit.  He  placed  a  rude  bench  for  the  Sen 
ator,  and  a  chair  without  a  back  for  Madame  Junk.  He 
was  bent  almost  double,  his  hair  was  white  as  snow,  but  his 
keen  blue  eye  showed  traces  of  intelligence. 

Madame  Junk  and  the  Senator  exchanged  significant 
glances,  as  much  as  to  say,  "Will  you  open  the  ball,  or  shall 
I?  At  last  Madame  Junk,  taking  up  the  cue,  began  as 
follows : 

"  You  have  lived  here  a  long  time,  my  good  man?" 

"  Yes;  well  on  to  twenty-two  years. " 

"  Did  you  ever  know  a  man  by  the  name  of  Ichabod 
Sprinkel?" 

"  I  should  think  I  did/'  said  the  old  man.  "  Me  and 
Sprinkel  mined  together  and  lived  in  this  'ere  cabin,  and 
eat  off  that  'ere  table.  When  he  came  here  he  brought  a 
wee  baby — said  his  wife  died  crossing  the  Isthmus.  I  allers 
thought  he  lied,  for  the  baby  had  some  nice  things  that  I 
knowed  didn't  belong  to  him.  It  had  a  gold  box,  with  two 
real  pretty  pictures  in  it.  I  fed  the  child  myself,  and  the 
wee  thing  would  look  up  and  laugh,  and  did  not  seem 
to  know  but  this  was  her  right  home.  I  allers  thought 
Sprinkel  stole  the  child  to  make  some  money  on  it.  He 
stayed  here  well  on  to  three  months;  then  he  took  the  little 
one  and  went  to  San  Francisco,  and  I  have  never  seen  him 
since.  In  picking  up  his  duds  he  lost  a  little  book  filled 
with  writing.  I  allers  thought  it  was  something  about  that 
'ere  baby,  so  I  kept  it.  I  can't  read  it;  maybe  you  can  read 
it,  Miss." 

The  old  man  went  to  a  chest  that  stood  in  one  corner  of 
the  room  and  handed  Madame  Junk  the  book.  She  eagerly 
grasped  it,  adjusted  her  spectacles,  and  began  reading,  all 
the  time  growing  white.  She  looked  down  the  pages  and 


342  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

handed  it  to  the  Senator,  who  as  quickly  convinced  himself 
of  its  contents,  while  Madame  Junk  waited  in  silence  for 
him  to  decide  what  step  to  take  next. 

Looking  up,  the  Senator  said: 

"  My  good  friend,  you  are  right;  this  book  has  something 
to  do  with  the  child,  who  is  still  living,  and  this  will  prove 
where  she  belongs.  You  will  let  me  have  ifc,  won't  you?" 

"  I  don't  know,"  said  the  old  man.  "You  see  I  have 
kept  it  a  long  time." 

The  Senator,  understanding  the  drift,  said : 

"  Of  course  you  should  be  paid  for  taking  such  good  care 
of  it." 

He  drew  from  his  pocket  a  handful  of  gold,  and  held 
several  of  the  shining  pieces  toward  the  old  man,  whose 
eyes  glistened  with  an  insane  flash. 

"  Give  me  the  book,  and  I  will  give  you  this." 

The  old  man  drew  a  step  nearer,  leaned  over  the  Sen 
ator's  hand,  and  looked  with  glaring  eyes. 

"  How  much  is  it?"  he  asked. 

"  Just  an  even  hundred,"  said  the  Senator. 

"  Say  fifty  more,  and  the  book  is  j'our'n." 

"Not  a  penny  more.  The  book  is  mine,  or,  at  least,  I 
shall  take  it  with  me,  and  the  hundred  dollars  is  yours  if 
you  choose  to  take  it;  if  not,  you  shall  not  have  the  book 
nor  the  money." 

"  This  is  the  way  you  come  to  the  mountains  to  rob  an 
old  man!" 

Upon  that  Madame  Junk  arose,  and  laid  her  hand  on  the 
old  man's  arm. 

"  We  are  not  robbers,  but  friends  that  will  do  you  good. 
Come,  go  home  with  us,  and  you  shall  have  more  money 
than  this." 

Turning  to  the  Senator,  Madame  Junk  said,  in  an  under 
tone: 

"  "We  shall  need  this  man  as  a  witness." 

"  You  are  right,"  said  the  Senator.  "  Come,  my  friend! 
go  with  us  and  you  shall  have  more  money  than  this." 


THE  HERMIT  OF  THE  MOUNTAINS.      343 

"  But  I  can't  take  my  cabin;  I  never  went  away  since  I 
built  it.  They  call  me  the  Hermit  of  the  Mountains.  A 
hermit  can't  go  to  a  city!" 

"  But  you  can  do  a  great  good,"  said  Madame  Junk, 
thinking  such  a  reason  would  make  him  comply. 

The  old  man  began  to  wake  up;  maybe  he  should  make 
something.  He  began  rummaging  around  his  cabin  like 
one  possessed  with  a  gold  fever.  He  turned  to  the  Senator 
and  asked  if  he  should  take  his  chest,  a  rude  cupboard  and 
a  kitchen  table. 

"  The  devil!  no.  Leave  everything  here  except  what  you 
have  on  your  back  and  in  your  pockets.  If  you  have  money, 
take  that." 

The  old  man  looked  longingly  up  to  a  piece  of  fat  bacon 
that  hung  against  the  rafters. 

Madame  Junk  followed  the  direction  of  his  eyes  and 
smiled.  She  read  his  thoughts,  and  answered  them  thus: 

"  Leave  that  for  the  chipmunks." 

"It  is  a  nice  bit  o'  bacon,"  replied  the  old  man,  with 
tears  in  his  voice.  At  this  he  began  casting  about,  taking 
a  silent  inventory  of  his  household  goods,  and  their  intrinsic 
value  was  rising  at  such  a  rapid  rate  that  Madame  Junk  and 
the  Senator  were  in  danger  of  losing  him  for  a  witness. 

Madame  Junk  stepped  up  to  the  Senator,  and  whispered 
something  in  his  ear;  whereupon  he  drew  from  his  inside 
breast-pocket  a  flask,  and,  stepping  to  the  rough  board  table, 
took  up  a  cracked  cup,  and  asked  the  old  man  if  he  would 
not  like  a  drink  of  brandy. 

The  bent  figure  grew  more  erect.  The  blue  eyes  glistened, 
and  he  opened  and  closed  his  mouth  with  a  smack  that 
proved  he  knew  the  taste  of  brandy. 

"  It  has  been  a  long  time  since  I  have  had  a  drop;  it  will 
put  new  life  into  my  old  bones." 

The  Senator  poured  out  what  he  considered  to  be  a  fair 
drink  for  a  man  who  did  not  get  good  things  every  day,  and 
handed  it  to  the  old  man.  We  cannot  do  justice  to  a  de- 


344  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

scription  of  the  old  man's  motions  and  mode  of  conveying 
half  a  cup  of  brandy  to  his  stomach.  We  only  know  it 
tasted  good,  and,  as  it  were,  brought  the  dead  to  life  again. 
The  old  man  held  the  cup  to  his  lips  some  time  after  it  was 
emptied. 

"  That  was  good.  A  little  more,  my  friend/'  he  said, 
reaching  the  cup  toward  the  Senator. 

Madame  Junk,  with  that  cunning  which  belongs  alone  to 
women,  stepped  toward  the  old  man,  and  patted  him  on  the 
back,  and  said: 

"  No  more  now,  my  good  man.  When  you  get  to  the  city, 
if  you  need  more,  the  gentleman  will  give  you  some." 

For  a  moment  he  seemed  to  comprehend  the  manoeuvre, 
for  he  answered  by, 

"  Ha,  ha,  ha!" — a  sort  of  prolonged  cackle.  "  All  the 
women  are  devils,"  said  the  old  man;  "  and  they  make  men 
devils.  A  set  of  snakes  that  wind  and  wind,  and  bite  and 
bite,  till  men  are  dead."  He  looked  at  Madame  Junk  from 
under  his  shaggy  eyebrows.  "Warmed  by  the  brandy  in  his 
stomach,  his  brain  grew  more  active,  his  memory  more  acute, 
and  his  tongue  had  a  touch  of  eloquence. 

"Ha!  ha!  ha!  that  is  good!  So  you  think  the  hermit 
of  the  mountains,  that  has  lived  with  the  bears  for  well  on 
to  twenty-five  years,  don't  know  anything  about  women? 
Ha!  ha!  ha!  that  is  good!  Look  out  for  'em,  Sir;  look  out 
for  'em.  They  be  devils,  every  one  of  'em,  Sir;  they  be 
devils.  They  be  weasels,  Sir;  every  one  of  'em,  Sir.  They 
be  foxes,  every  one  of  'em,  Sir.  I  know  the  whole  kit  of 
'em,  Sir.  They  will  let  all  your  blood  out,  drink  it  up,  and 
ask  for  more,  Sir;  they  will,  Sir.  I  had  one  of  'em,  Sir; 
she  robbed  me,  Sir;  broke  my  heart  and  run  away  with  my 
best  friend,  Sir." 

The  old  man's  brandy  gave  vent  to  a  flood  of  tears.  To 
speak  in  the  words  of  Artemus  "Ward,  if  he  was  going  to 
"  slop  over"  in  that  way,  the  Senator's  brandy-flask  stood 
a  chance  of  giving  out.  It  was  finally  decided  the  old  man 


SMALL    ELEPHANTS.  345 

should  have  another  small  drink  to  dam  up  his  tears,  and 
to  dam  up,  if  possible,  the  flood-gates  that  seemed  likely 
to  deluge  women  and  wash  them  off  the  face  of  God's  foot 
stool.  Another  small  drink  made  the  old  man  consent  to 
leave  his  fat  bacon  and  other  valuables,  and  journey  toward 
civilization  in  company  with  respectable  human  beings. 

Madame  Junk's  knowledge  of  the  laws  of  health  led  to 
some  warm  discussions  with  the  Senator  in  regard  to  the 
old  man's  diet.  The  Senator  was  feeding  the  old  man  too 
well.  Not  being  used  to  it,  Madame  Junk  affirmed  that  it 
"vould  make  him  ill. 

"  The  devil!  Let  the  old  man  have  enough  to  eat,"  said 
tlie  Senator,  as  he  loaded  his  plate  at  the  different  places 
where  they  stopped  for  refreshments.  "  If  I  had  lived  in 
that  wild  place  for  twenty-two  years,  I  think  I  should  be 
able  to  masticate  a  broiled  elephant  at  one  meal." 

"  Possibly,"  said  Madame  Junk,  with  a  smile;  "but  it 
vould  be  one  meal;  you  would  never  live  to  eat  another.  So 
if  you  want  this  man  to  live  until  we  reach  our  journey's 
end,  please  serve  him  with  very  small  elephants." 

"  I  will  follow  your  advice;  and  when  we  arrive  in  the 
city  I  will  hand  him  over  to  you  to  be  put  through  a  course 
of  catmeal  diet  in  the  Keformatory  Home." 

"  Ishan't  starve  him,"  said  Madame  Junk,  a  little  nettled 
at  thi;  last  remark. 

I  tlink  by  the  time  they  arrived  in  the  city,  without 
the  least  exaggeration,  the  old  man  had  gained  three 
pounds.  His  mind  had  grown  wondrously  bright,  his  mem 
ory  begin  to  revive,  and  if  he  continues  to  gain  as  rapidly 
he  will  to  spared  the  necessity  of  entering  the  Reformatory 
Home. 


CHAPTER  XLI. 

TALK  IX  WASHINGTON. 

EATED  in  the  drawing-room  of  our  Madison  Avenue 
mansion,  amid  its  ancient  appointments,  are  Joel  and 
Albert;  they  are  not  alone.  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Fletcher  are 
there.  Mrs.  Fletcher  looks  as  if  she  had  recently  suffered 
severe  mental  agitation;  her  eyes  are  red  with  frequent 
weeping. 

"  My  answer  must  be  the  same  as  it  was  three  days  age. 
No,  Sir;  if  you  have  the  least  doubt  in  your  mind  in  regaid 
to  the  matter,  I  could  not  for  a  moment  entertain  your  gen 
erous  offer."  Mrs.  Fletcher  looked  at  Joel  in  the  most  ;m- 
ploring  way,  and,  in  a  quiet  but  still  beseeching  tone,  as^ed 
him  to  reflect;  for  her  sake,  not  to  give  too  hasty  an  answer 
She  had  never  doubted  that  he  was  her  child. 

Mr.  Fletcher  checked  this  rising  motherly  tumult  irMrs. 
Fletcher's  breast  by  remarking: 

"  It  is  not  in  accordance  with  common  sense  to  say  t-iat  she 
had  no  doubt.  Doubt  there  must  be,  and  ever  woud  be." 

The  old  gentleman  walked  from  one  end  of  the  room  to 
the  other,  with  his  hands  folded.  The  fact  was  the  old 
gentleman,  at  this  ten  o'clock  A.  M.,  was  dispose!  to  make 
concessions,  if  he  could  do  so  without  compronising  his 
pride.  When  he  found  that  this  boy  absolutely  r  fused  to  be 
accepted  upon  any  condition,  except  a  true  le.al  one,  Mr. 
Fletcher  was  actually  pleased.  He  thought  he  saw  the 
Fletcher  pride;  he  saw  the  Fletcher  code  of  Jonor  that  be 
longed  to  the  "  F.  F.  V.'s."  There  was  lothing  of  the 
plebeian  upstart  in  that.  It  will  never  be  jnown  whether 
(346) 


MAKING    HIS    HEAD    SPIN.  347 

lie  was  doing  tins  to  try  Joel  or  not,  or  if  lie  really  doubted. 
Mr.  Fletcher  held  a  long  conversation  with  Albert  Mayo; 
he  learned  all  that  young  gentleman  knew  of  Joel.  Many 
times  he  winced  when  Albert  related  the  story  of  Joel's  serv 
ing  the  prisoners  with  papers. 

"  What  sort  of  a  person  is  this  Madame  Junk  ?"  asked  Mr. 
Fletcher. 

"  Why,  she  is  a  good  woman,  but  a  little  strange.  She 
has  always  been  turning  the  world  upside  down,  and  always 
helping  the  poor." 

"  Then  she  is  a  woman  of  wealth?" 

"  She  has  just  received  a  little  money;  but  up  to  this  time 
she  has  always  been  as  poor  as  a  church  mouse.  She  is  a 
sort  of  a  female  Pickwick." 

"  I  should  say  so." 

When  Albert-  spoke  of  Joel,  which  he  frequently  did  in 
these  conversations,  he  called  him  the  very  soul  of  honor; 
he  told  the  old  gentleman  of  Joel's  great  oratorical  powers 
when  a  mere  child,  and  how,  when  a  little  boy,  he  made 
stump  speeches,  and  really  elected  Amos  Goliah  Smith;  how 
Senator  Smith  had  ever  since  been  a  champion  of  Joel;  how 
proud  the  Senator  would  be  to  have  Joel  for  a  son-in-law;  at 
last,  how  everybody  loved  him.  Then  he  told  all  about 
Joel's  great  talent  as  a  lawyer.  The  reader  must  pardon 
Albert  if  he  went  in  with  the  intention  of  making  Mr. 
Fletcher's  head  spin  with  his  praise  of  Joel.  His  motive 
was  a  good  one. 

"  Yes!  yes!  I  see  he  is  a  most  exemplary  young  man,  and 
with  pride  enough  to  be  a  Fletcher."  At  such  times  a  glow 
of  pride  and  love  beamed  upon  his  face.  "  So  he  has  gone 
by  the  name  of  Joe  Junk  all  these  years.  Horror!  what  a 
name !  It  seems  you  have  been  a  sworn  friend  to  him  since 
first  you  knew  him?" 

"  Yes;  and  I  felt  honored  to  be  so." 

"  And  that  miserable  curse  hung  himself,  did  he  ?  Well, 
that  is  good.  What  am  I  to  do?"  said  Mr.  Fletcher,  turning 


348       MADAME  JANE  JUNK  AND  JOE. 

abruptly  about  in  his  walk  and  looking  up  at  the  young 
Hercules,  who  stood  with  one  elbow  leaning  on  the  mantel. 
"  If  we  can't  agree  it  will  break  his  mother's  heart." 

"  If  you  ask  my  opinion,  I  shall  say  it  is  best  to  throw  all 
doubt  overboard.  I  know  your  son;  his  pride  and  honor 
have  always  been  a  stumbling-block  in  his  way." 

"  This  very  pride  is  as  much  evidence  to  me  as  any  that 
has  been  brought  to  bear.  Young  man,  the  first  thing  we 
should  guard  is  our  honor.  I  wish  this  was  settled.  "Will 
you  tell  him  for  me,  all  doubts  are  dispelled?" 

"  It  is  your  love  Joel  wants." 

' '  The  devil !"  said  Mr.  Fletcher,  with  a  very  red  face. 
"  He  had  that  the  moment  I  saw  him.  You  must  consider, 
young  man,  what  a  very  strange  situation  it  is.  He  is  a 
stranger  to  me.  I  must  know  him.  Why,  bless  my  stars, 
it  is  over  twenty  years  since  he  was  stolen  from  us.  How 
can  it  be  expected  I  shall  be  at  home  with  him  in  a  day  ?" 

Albert  ventured  to  remark  that  his  mother  was,  and 
seemed  to  love  him  with  the  same  intense  feeling  as  if  she 
had  known  him  all  these  years. 

"  "Well,  well,  that  may  be;  women  are  different  from  men 
in  that  respect.  "What  I  most  dislike  is  the  comments  of 
the  press.  I  must  bring  him  out  and  introduce  him  in 
"Washington  society."  And  the  old  gentleman  muttered  to 
himself  "  Junk!  Junk!  that  is  the  worst  of  it." 

Albert  had  a  mammoth  lump  of  laughter  in  his  stomach, 
and  it  was  with  the  greatest  effort  he  kept  it  from  popping 
out  of  his  mouth  as  he  witnessed  Mr.  Fletcher's  discom 
fiture  over  the  word  Junk. 

"  I  should  say,  Sir,  a  man  with  your  superior  station 
could  squelch  the  press  if  it  should  attempt  any  bombast 
over  the  name  of  Junk.  "Write  an  article  yourself,  making 
a  clear  statement,  and  I  venture  to  say  the  press  won't 
peep  the  word  Junk  in  your  ears." 

Mr.  Fletcher,  being  of  a  good-natured  turn  of  mind, 
actually  laughed. 


NO    PLACE    LIKE    CALIFORNIA.  349 

"  I  "will  take  your  advice,  young  man;  there  is  wisdom  in 
it.  I  will  write  such  an  article  as  will  admit  of  no  discus 
sion  upon  the  matter/' 

"  You  see,  Sir,  the  press  here  is  not  likely  to  get  hold  of 
all  the  little  ins  and  outs  of  Joel's  life  in  California.  I  will 
have  my  uncle  write  an  article  on  such  and  such  facts  as 
I  can  give  him,  concerning  the  wonderful  things  Joel  has 
done." 

"  Your  uncle?" 

"Yes;  he  is  a  D.D., — Rev.  L.  Mayo.  He  has  written 
several  works  on  theology.  However,  I  have  never  read  one 
of  them;  they  are  quite  too  dry  for  me." 

"  I  have,"  replied  Mr.  Fletcher;  ct  and  allow  me  to  con 
gratulate  you  on  coming  from  so  gifted  a  family.  Indeed, 
I  am  astonished!"  taking  quite  another  view  of  Albert  from 
what  he  had  taken  before.  "I  shall  be  pleased,  young 
man,  if  you  will  make  my  house  your  home  this  winter/' 

"  Much  as  I  appreciate  your  hospitality,  I  cannot  avail 
myself  of  it.  I  must  return  to  California/' 

"  I  fancy  it  would  be  a  great  pleasure  for  Joel  to  have  you 
remain  through  the  winter.  Everything  must  be  so  strange. 
I  have  my  fears  about  his  being  quite  happy." 

"  Suppose  you  and  your  lady  should  return  with  us,  and 
spend  the  winter  in  California.  You  have  never  visited  our 
State,  I  believe?" 

"  No,  I  have  been  on  the  eve  of  making  the  trip  several 
times,  when  something  would  occur  to  prevent." 

"I  assure  you,  Sir,"  said  Albert,  with  some  warmth  in 
his  tone,  "  you  would  be  taken  with  our  climate;  and,  as  a 
matter  of  health,  there  is  no  place  in  the  world  where  people 
can  so  well  recuperate  their  strength  as  in  California." 

"Yes,  yes!  I  have  so  understood,"  said  Mr.  Fletcher,  with 
a  very  considerate  expression  upon  his  face. 

Then  Albert  began  to  warm  with  the  subject  of  California. 
He  spoke  at  length  about  the  orange  groves,  the  hot-house 
plants  that  grew  outdoors  all  winter,  and  were  even  freshest 


35O  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

and  brightest  then;  of  strawberries  in  January,  and  the  rapid 
growth  of  everything.  In  short,  no  twenty-cent  book  ever 
contained  half  such  a  glowing  account  as  Albert  gave  Mr. 
Hoen  Fletcher  in  half  an  hour.  By  the  time  Albert  had 
warmed  up,  Mr.  Fletcher  had  decided  to  visit  California,  in 
company  with  his  wife  and  new-found  son.  He  would  view 
the  scenes -of  the  boy's  early  life;  he  would  see  this  queer 
Madame  Junk;  he  would  cross  palms  with  this  great-hearted 
woman  who  had  so  befriended  Joel. 

As  soon  as  a  letter  could  go  from  Washington  to  Califor 
nia,  so  soon  the  news  came  that  Joel  would  return  in  com 
pany  with  his  father  and  mother.  Albert's  letter  was  to  his 
parents,  and  his  great  joy  gave  vent  to  such  phrases  as  made 
his  mother  say,  '•'  Why!  why!"  and  made  the  father  laugh. 
We  will  quote  a  few  lines  to  give  the  reader  the  drift: 

"  Mother,  tell  Madame  Junk  to  spread  the  news.  I  want 
this  old  Virginia  coon  to  have  a  flowery  reception.  The 
Senator  will  do  the  handsome  thing,  I  know.  I  have 
bragged  so  much  about  the  California  flowers  that  I  want 
bouquets  made  not  smaller  in  size  than  a  washtub,  and  a 
large  one  at  that,  and  plenty  of  them,  too.  They  say  Miss 
Carrie  Smith  writes  very  pretty  poetry.  If  you  can  get  Miss 
Busy  to  suggest  the  writing  of  a  few  lines  over  the  words 
'  Welcome  to  California/  I  shall  feel  pleased.  Mr.  and  Mrs. 
Fletcher  will  be  our  guests  for  a  time.  Tell  father  to  shell 
out.  Have  the  four-in-hand  in  good  condition,  for  I  intend 
to  show  old  Virginia  the  California  elephant.  We  will  make 
him,  at  least  for  a  few  weeks,  dispense  with  his  old-time 
notions  and  conservative  rules.  Mrs.  Fletcher  is  a  lady, 
both  in  feelings  and  manners.  Don't  be  jealous,  mother: 
I  love  her  almost  as  well  as  I  do  you.  I  have  wished  a  hun 
dred  times  she  had  a  daughter  just  as  handsome  and  just  as 
really  grand  as  she  is.  I  should  be  willing  to  go  to  my 
grave  broken-hearted  just  for  the  privilege  of  kneeling  at 
her  feet,  and  telling  her  that  I  worshiped  her.  I  don't 
think  old  Virginia  was  very  much  taken  with  me  at  first; 
but  he  is  all  attention  now.  He  fancies  he  has  discovered 
that  I  arn  not  so  plebeian  as  my  looks  and  outspoken  way 
denote.  Old  Virginia  is  very  tenacious  of  his  honor.  He 
is  as  proud  as  Lucifer.  Tell  father  to  order  some  flower- 


OLD    VIRGINIA    AND    THE    QUEEN    OF    SHEBA.    351 

vases  made  in  the  form  of  a  ship,  and  mind  they  are  large, 
full-rigged,  and  stowed  with  the  choicest  flowers  in  all  Cali 
fornia.  I  will  telegraph  you  the  day  wre  shall  arrive,  and  I 
want  a  proper  delegation  of  friends  to  meet  us.  I  want  old 
Virginia  to  feel  pretty  much  as  the  Queen  of  Sheba  did 
when  she  visited  Solomon — that  half  of  his  wealth  had  not 
been  told/' 

Such  was  the  manner  in  which  Albert  expressed  himself 
in  his  letter  to  his  mother. 

Sternna's  fame  was  widespread.  Her  picture  of  "Res 
cued"  was  talked  of  and  written  of  as  the  best  painting  ever 
exhibited  by  an  American  lady.  The  Senator  was  proud  of 
his  picture.  He  was  delighted  to  speak  of  it  and  explain 
the  significant  points  to  those  who  had  not  sense  enough  to 
comprehend  them  without  such  explanations.  We  hope  the 
reader  will  pardon  us  for  using  our  own  words  to  describe 
this  painting  in  place  of  the  words  of  the  Senator.  The 
Senator  was  wont  to  say:  ' '  How  in  the  world  the  girl  could 
have  made  it  so  true,  is  more  than  I  can  see.  She  has  never 
been  South,  and  has  seen  very  few  colored  people." 

JHE     PICTURE. 

The  artist  leads  you  to  a  Southern  swamp,  where  the 
reed  grows  so  high  that  it  was  chosen  by  the  fugitive  slaves 
as  a  hiding-place,  for  the  deadly  vapor  arises  there  and  for 
bids  the  approach  of  their  oppressors.  "VVe  see  a  group  of 
slaves  concealing  themselves  from  the  enemy,  huddling  to 
gether  in  despair  and  dwelling  over  the  past.  There  is  a 
strong  figure  of  a  negro  couched  upon  a  bunch  of  reed,  and 
resting  his  bowed  head  in  his  right  hand,  his  left  arm  placed 
about  the  shoulders  of  his  wife,  who  is  leaning  her  head  on 
him,  while  on  her  lap  lies  an  infant  on  whom  she  looks  with 
a  careworn  expression  in  her  eyes.  Her  child  is  ill.  To  pro 
tect  it  from  the  poisonous  vapor  of  the  swamp,  the  father 
has  removed  his  upper  garment,  which  leaves  his  shoulders 
bare.  How  the  mother  watches  the  breathing  of  the  little 


352  MADAME    JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

one,  watching  with  an  anxious  mother-heart  the  opening  of 
those  eyes  that  are  closed  in  sickly  sleep !  With  this  group 
the  artist  has  touched  our  deepest  sympathy.  What  a  feel 
ing  of  depression  steals  on  us!  To  lighten  the  shadow  that 
falls  over  us,  our  eye  is  taken  to  a  figure  close  behind  this 
group.  Parting  the  reeds  is  a  negro  boy,  who  turns  his 
head  toward  the  group  with  eyes  made  bright  through  hope, 
and  open  mouth  that  seems  to  speak.  Through  the  reeds, 
which  his  hands  have  parted,  we  see  what  brought  this  sud 
den  joy.  Far  away  we  see  the  figure  of  a  woman  waving 
aloft  a  piece  of  white  cloth,  the  signal  of  relief,  for,  in  the 
distance  is  the  flying  enemy  pursued  by  the  "Union  troops. 
The  tents  in  the  abandoned  camp,  the  burning  ruins,  com 
bined  with  the  smoke  of  battle  driven  by  the  morning  Avinds, 
formed  the  horizon,  over  which  a  streak  of  dawning  light 
arose  in  all  its  glory;  a  contrast  that  was  heightened  by 
dark  and  heavy  clouds  that  hung  over  it.  The  harmony  of 
colors,  the  division  of  light  and  shade,  accorded  so  wonder 
fully  with  the  composition,  and  with  the  thought  and  action 
of  the  figures,  that  it  at  once  impressed  itself  upon  the 
memory  forever.  The  poetic  thought  of  the  picture  was 
supported  by  the  true  interpretation  of  nature,  and  painted 
in  a  technic  which  was  free  from  that  embarrassment  that 
shows  the  mere  pupil.  It  was  the  broad  and  sure  handling 
of  a  brush  like  that  of  Rosa  Bonheur.  There  was  nothing 
in  the  picture  that  was  not  clear;  it  spoke  out  itself.  The 
expression  of  the  faces,  the  delineation  of  the  forms,  pre 
sented  such  a  masterly  conception  as  we  find  in  the  com 
positions  of  the  world's  greatest  historical  painter,  Paul 
Delaroche. 


CHAPTEK    XLII. 

THE  REFORMATORY  HOME. 

"  O  O  you  were  in  Scotland  ?  " 

O  "Yes,"  replied  Mr.  Stanly;  "I  spent  some 
months  there,  and  most  delightfully,  I  assure  you.  The 
Earl  has  two  brothers  and  one  sister.  I  happened  to  be 
with  the  family  at  the  time  the  news  arrived  of  the  Earl's 
death.  They  expressed  themselves  very  warmly  against  the 
French  people  for  acting  so  inconsiderately  toward  the 
young  American  lady.  They  had  long  expected  his  sudden 
demise,  he  having  been  predisposed  to  the  heart  complaint 
since  his  sad  visit  to  this  country." 

"Stanly,  your  evidence  will  prove  invaluable  in  placing 
this  young  lady  where  she  belongs." 

"  Yes,  I  think  my  statement  will  have  weight.  They  are 
reasonable  people,  and  when  once  convinced  of  a  fact  will 
accept  it  gracefully.  They  are  not  people  to  be  hoodwinked. 
I  do  not  deem  it  best  to  take  a  legal  attitude  toward  them 
as  yet,"  said  Mr.  Stanly.  t(  Have  you  all  the  evidence 
together?" 

'•  Yes,  and  it  is  a  long  list." 

"Where  is  Bory?" 

"He  is  with  Sternna,  and  refuses  to  leave  her." 

'  That  is  good,  and  will  go  far  toward  convincing  the 
Earl's  family." 

"  Miss  Sternna  is  the  guest  of  Miss  Busy,  is  she  not?" 

"Yes;  my  house  is  her  home  whenever  she  wishes  to 
make  it  so;   but  she  is  so  considerate  for  the  feelings  of 
others,  that  is,  she  feared  that  Miss  Busy  and  Mother  Junk 
23  (  353  ) 


354  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

would  feel  hurt  if  she  did  not  remain  with  them.  By  the 
way,  Stanly,  what  do  you  think  of  Madame  Junk's  Reform 
atory  Home  ?  " 

"  It  will  doubtless  be  a  failure,"  returned  Mr.  Stanly,  with 
a  smile.  She  is  a  woman  of  large  ideas,  but  in  advance  of 
the  age." 

"  In  regard  to  those  things  I  am  not  willing  to  say  that. 
It  is  several  years  ago  that  she  called  upon  me  and  proposed 
this  project  for  building  what  she  called  a  Prison  Reform. 
It  was  the  time  I  was  up  the  second  term  for  Congress,  and 
I  actually  believe  I  won  my  election  through  her  and  Joel. 
She  kept  that  boy  running  from  morning  until  night.  It  is 
doubtful  if  a  greater  amount  of  campaigning  was  ever  done 
by  two  persons.  I  look  upon  Madame  Junk  as  a  woman  of 
great  force  of  character,  and  as  far  as  this  Reformatory 
Home  is  concerned  I  am  determined  it  shall  not  be  a  fail 
ure.  Any  one  who  had  nursed  a  pet  scheme  so  long  as  she 
has  this,  is  worthy  of  success.  I  don't  want  a  word  said 
about  it,  but  I  am  going  to  have  a  bill  passed  making  an 
appropriation  toward  supporting  it.  Have  you  seen  it  ?  " 

"No." 

*'  It  is  a  fine-looking  edifice.  Suppose  we  drive  out.  The 
morning  is  fine." 

"  Certainly,"  said  Mr.  Stanly. 

The  Senator  stepped  to  the  door,  and  sent  an  order  for 
the  groom  to  bring  the  bays  around,  with  a  one-seated  car 
riage.  The  gentlemen  drew  on  their  gloves,  and  were  soon 
seated  behind  a  spanking  team.  During  this  drive  they 
smoked  cigars,  and  talked  of  Madame  Junk's  home. 

"  lam  told  that  Madame  Junk  has  a  powerful  aide-de-camp 
in  one  Mrs.  Glewer,"  said  the  Senator.  "  They  say  she  is 
a  perfect  queen  of  a  woman — clear-headed  and  as  sound  in 
her  judgment  as  any  judge  in  the  country.  Why,  she  car 
ries  on  a  business  that  employs  forty  men." 

"  Indeed!     She  must  be  a  masculine  woman." 

"  They  say  not.     She  is  called  very  modest," 


A   VISIT   TO    THE    HOME.  355 

"  An  old  maid,  I  presume." 

"  Not  a  bit  of  it:  a  handsome  widow.  She  was  married 
quite  young  to  a  churl  of  a  fellow." 

"  Has  she  children?" 

"  Not  of  her  own.  She  adopted  one — a  boy,  and  has  given 
him  a  good  education.  Gossips  were  busy  at  the  time,  and 
said  the  boy  belonged  to  her  husband,  and  that  she  knew 
it,  and  adopted  him  for  that  reason." 

"  If  that  is  true,  she  must  be  a  wonderful  woman." 

"  Yes;  such  a  woman  must  be  a  miracle.  Most  women 
kick  up  a  fine  halibaloo  over  a  mishap  of  that  sort,"  said  the 
Senator. 

"  Yes,  that  is  a  wife's  privilege." 

By  this  time  they  came  within  sight  of  the  home  for  re 
forming  depraved  humanity;  it  stood  upon  a  rise  of  ground, 
and  in  size  and  outlay  fully  answered  Mr.  Stanly's  expecta 
tions.  A  boy  who  stood  near  the  large  gate  swung  it  back, 
and  the  gentlemen  drove  in.  They  landed  in  front  of  the 
house;  they  began  rambling  through  the  rooms,  whose 
unfinished  walls  the  workmen  were  lathing  up  with  great 
activity.  While  Mr.  Stauly  and  the  Senator  were  making 
the  pilgrimage  of  the  Home,  they  suddenly  came  upon 
Madame  Junk  and  Kate  Glewer. 

"  Oh!  ah!  Good  morning,  Madame  Junk,"  said  the  Sen 
ator,  stepping  in  and  shaking  hands  in  his  urbane  manner. 

"  Good  morning,  Mr.  Stanly,"  said  Madame  Junk.  "  This 
is  an  honor  quite  unlooked  for." 

Kate  stood  looking  confused,  this  being  the  first  time  she 
had  met  either  of  the  gentlemen — a  fact  Madame  Junk  seemed 
likely  to  forget,  for  she  kept  on  chatting  in  a  pleasant  way 
until  she  was  reminded  by  the  Senator,  who  said  : 

"  Is  this  the  lady  who  has  so  kindly  offered  to  assist  you 
in  this  noble  work  ?" 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,"  said  Madame  Junk.  "Mrs.  Glewer, 
allow  me  to  introduce  you  to  Senator  Smith.  Senator  Smith, 
Mrs.  Glewer." 


356  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

The  Senator  muttered  his  thanks  about  the  pleasure  it  gave 
him  to  meet  Mrs.  Glewer. 

"  Mr.  Stanly,  Mrs.  Glewer — a  very  dear  friend,  who  has 
rendered  me  more  service  than  all  my  other  friends  put 
together." 

Mr.  Stanly  bowed  to  Kate  with  marked  respect.  Kate 
raised  her  eyes,  and  as  they  looked  out  from  the  broad  brim 
of  her  straw  hat  and  rested  for  a  moment  on  Mr.  Stanly's 
face,  she  looked  really  beautiful.  The  Senator  was  looking 
at  Kate  with  pure  admiration.  Her  modest  demeanor,  her 
beauty,  her  frank  outspoken  look,  combined  with  what  the 
Senator  had  heard  about  her,  made  her  an  object  of  curi 
osity.  Mr.  Stanly  was  not  a  man  that  showed  what  he 
thought  or  felt. 

"  Madame  Junk,  will  it  be  encroaching  upon  your  time 
if  we  ask  you  to  give  us  a  little  insight  into  this  institu 
tion  ?" 

"Oh!  of  course  not;  I  feel  honored  that  you  are  so  much 
interested." 

So  the  four  made  a  tour  of  inspection.  Madame  Junk 
kept  her  tongue  going  as  if  it  were  hung  in  the  middle  with 
a  clapper  at  both  ends.  She  told  what  this  room  was  for, 
and  what  that  room  was  for. 

"  Here  is  the  dining-room;  and  there  is  the  chapel,  where 
I  shall  hold  morning  prayers." 

"  I  shall  be  sure  to  come  and  dine  with  you,"  said  the 
Senator,  with  a  smile. 

"  You  shall  be  made  welcome,"  returned  the  lady. 

Mr.  Stanly's  face  wore  a  serious  expression  during  this 
conversation.  Looking  at  Kate,  he  spoke  as  if  addressing 
his  remarks  to  her. 

"  This  is  a  very  large  undertaking  for  a  woman  alone." 

"  Yes,  Sir,"  said  Kate,  in  clear  outspoken  tones.  "  Mad 
ame  Junk  will  doubtless  find  it  larger  than  she  anticipated. 
It  is  not  so  difficult  to  erect  a  building  and  fill  it  with  in 
mates,  but  to  run  it  and  make  it  self-supporting  is  another 


LEST   A   MAN   BE   BORN   AGAIN.  357 

matter.  As  it  is,  I  trust  there  will  be  competent  persons 
who  understand  the  system  to  counsel  with  Madame  Junk 
in  this  benevolent  enterprise." 

"  So  you  believe  this  institution  should  be  a  self-sustain 
ing  one?" 

"  I  do,  Sir,  as  far  as  possible.  I  see  no  reason  why  any 
charity  institution  should  not  be  self-supporting,  with  the 
exception  of  hospitals  and  orphan  asylums;  and  even  those 
can  be  made  in  a  measure  so." 

"  Then  the  sick  are  not  to  be  received  here?" 

"This  is  a  place,"  said  Kate,  "  for  reforming  men  and 
women  who  are  released  from  prison  and  cannot  find  em 
ployment  elsewhere." 

"  You  know,"  said  Madame  Junk,  turning  round  and 
ceasing  her  conversation  with  the  Senator,  "  you  see  it  is 
like  this:  this  is  a  home  where  men  and  women  may  be 
fitted  for  the  kingdom  of  heaven.  You  know  that  Jesus 
said,  '  Lest  a  man  be  born  again,  he  cannot  enter  the  king 
dom  of  heaven.'  Those  words  are  to  be  cut  in  the  stone 
over  the  door  that  leads  into  this  home." 

"  I  wish  you  all  success  in  your  undertaking,"  said  Mr. 
Stanly. 

Madame  Junk  turned  again  to  the  Senator  and  picked  up 
a  stitch  in  her  knitting,  and  went  on  edifying  him  as  be 
fore,  while  Kate  and  Mr.  Stanly  were  left  to  themselves. 

"  Then  this  seems  to  be  more  a  house  of  worship  than 
otherwise,"  said  Mr.  Stanly. 

"  If  I  had  the  writing  of  the  inscription  over  the  door,  I 
fear  I  should  make  it  read :  '  A  man  or  woman  who  will  not 
earn  bread  cannot  enter  here.'  I  should  say  nothing  about 
the  kingdom  of  heaven,"  said  Kate,  with  a  smile. 

"  I  agree  with  you,"  replied  Mr.  Stanly;  "  that  would  be 
by  far  the  best  motto." 

Kate  further  expressed  her  views  by  saying:  "  If  Madame 
Junk  succeeds  in  fitting  them  for  the  kingdom  of  heaven, 
to  use  an  old  adage,  she  will  have  killed  two  birds  with  one 


35  8  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

stone,  for  those  who  are  fitted  for  the  kingdom  of  heaven, 
if  they  are  well,  will  never  eat  the  bread  of  dependence." 

"That  is  it,  that  is  it,"  said  Madame  Junk,  hearing  the 
last  remark,  and  turning  again  to  the  Senator;  "there  is 
wisdom  in  that  remark.  There  is  a  sermon  in  a  nutshell.3* 

The  Senator  had  not  been  so  fortunate  as  to  hear  this 
remark,  and  Madame  Junk  had  the  pleasure  of  repeating  it 
and  throwing  in  such  little  embellishments  as  her  fancy  dic 
tated.  Of  course,  it  was  a  knock-down  argument,  that  not 
even  the  Senator,  with  all  of  his  old-time  oratorical  eloquence, 
dared  to  dispute.  Most  certainly,  dear  reader,  any  one  with 
half  an  eye  can  see  when  a  human  being  in  good  physical 
health  is  fitted  for  the  kingdom  of  heaven  he  is  fitted  to  live 
on  earth  and  earn  his  own  food  and  raiment. 

Mr.  Stanly  thanked  Madame  Junk  for  the  information 
given  this  morning.  The  Senator  said  he  was  afraid  they 
should  have  to  leave  them — could  not  stay  always — and  such 
other  pleasant  nothings  as  were  considered  current  compli 
ments.  As  the  two  gentlemen  drove  out  the  gate  the  sound 
of  the  horses'  hoofs  could  be  heard  upon  the  hard  gravel 
road.  The  sea  breeze  fanned  their  faces,  and  with  their 
thoughts  upon  Madame  Junk  and  the  handsome  widow  they 
were  altogether  refreshed  by  their  morning  drive. 

"Well,  what  did  you  think  of  the  Home?"  asked  the 
Senator. 

"  It  is  a  fine  building,  and  well  planned." 

"What  do  you  think  of  the  widow  ?  " 

"Which  one?"  asked  Mr.  Stanly,  as  if  he  did  not  know; 
"  they  are  both  widows,  are  they  not?" 

"Why,  the  handsome  one,  to  be  sure.  When  we  refer  to 
two  women,  and  one  is  young  and  handsome  and  the  other 
old  and  ugly,  we  mean  the  handsome  one." 

"Well,  Senator,  to  tell  the  truth,  if  I  wished  to  marry  I 
would  marry  that  woman  if  she  would  have  me." 

"And  if  I  were  a  single  man,  on  the  marrying  list,  you 
would  find  a  rival  in  me.  I  think  her  a  most  remarkable 


THEY   THOUGHT   HER   A    REMARKABLE    WOMAN.    359 

•woman,  one  that  any  man  might  be  proud  to  introduce  into 
the  most  aristocratic  circles.5' 

"I  think  you  are  drawing  it  rather  strong,"  said  Mr. 
Stanly;  "there is  a  lack  of  tone  or  style,  as  if  her  society 
had  not  been  of  the  right  order;  but  she  is  a  woman  gifted 
with  a  large  amount  of  intelligence,  quick  to  adapt  herself 
to  circumstances,  and,  as  I  said  before,  if  I  was  a  marrying 
man,  she  would  be  the  woman  of  my  choice."  Clip,  chap, 
trip,  clap,  was  the  talk  of  the  horses'  hoofs  as  they  sped 
along,  and  when  the  conversation  opened  again  it  was  over 
the  British  House  of  Lords. 

We  will  leave  the  two  gentlemen  to  discuss  this  topic  as 
they  ride  home,  and  we  will  go  back  to  the  Home  with  the 
motto,  "  Lest  a  man  be  born  again  he  cannot  enter  the  king 
dom  of  heaven." 

"What  did  you  think  of  the  Senator  and  Mr.  Stanly?" 
asked  Madame  Junk  of  Kate  as  soon  as  the  two  gentlemen 
were  safely  out  of  hearing." 

"  The  Senator  is  warm-hearted  and  a  genial  soul.  Why, 
he  is  as  kind  as  can  be." 

"  He  is  all  of  that,"  said  Madame  Junk;  "  I  have  known 
him  many  years,  and  he  is  always  the  same.  But  that  is 
not  telling  me  what  you  think  of  Mr.  Stanly." 

"  Mr.  Stanly  is  a  cool  man,  but  true  in  his  feelings.  He  is 
moral,  and  inclined  to  do  right,  but  with  a  great  amount  of 
pride." 

"  Do  you  think  he  has  too  much  pride  ?" 

"  He  has  too  much  to  suit  me." 

"He  is  a  very  worthy  gentleman,"  said  Madame  Junk. 
"And  if  I  were  as  young  and  handsome  as  you  are,  I  should 
set  my  cap  for  him;  that  is,  if  I  ever  intended  to  marry 
again." 

"  I  am  not  in  the  cap-setting  business,"  replied  Kate,  a 
little  tartly,  as  they  proceeded  to  set  out  the  strawberry  bed. 


CHAPTER    XLIII. 

FROM  WASHINGTON  TO  CALIFORNIA— PREPARATIONS 
FOR  THE  RECEPTION— THE  REFORMATORY  HOME— 
THE  ARRIVAL-JOEL  AND  CARRIE  MEET. 

MR.  AND  MRS.  FLETCHER,  Joel  and  Albert,  were 
on  their  way  to  California.  They  would  cross  the 
Rocky  Mountains  by  rail.  It  was  a  happy  release  for  Joel; 
it  would  allow  him  to  glide  into  his  new  place  with  more 
ease,  avoiding  the  shoals  and  quicksands  of  "Washington 
society  criticism.  It  was  Mr.  Fletcher's  intention  to  send 
Joseph  abroad.  Mr.  Fletcher  changed  Joel's  name  to  Joseph. 
Yes,  he  should  go  to  France,  and  remain  a  year  or  so,  just 
to  get  the  Junk  off  from  him.  Joe  Junk  and  Joseph  Fletcher 
were  to  be  henceforth  and  for  evermore  two  separate  indi 
viduals.  There  must  be  a  wide  difference  between  them. 

Mr.  Roen  Fletcher  had  his  misgivings  about  his  son  Joseph 
ever  becoming  wholly  free  from  his  cosmopolitan,  plebeian 
opinions  in  regard  to  the  equal  rights  of  humanity.  For, 
be  it  understood,  Mr.  Fletcher  did  not  believe  in  equal  rights, 
or  civil  rights,  or  any  other  rights,  save  the  right  of  knowl 
edge  over  ignorance,  and  the  right  of  wealth  over  poverty, 
and  the  right  to  boast  of  a  long  line  of  noble  ancestry.  "VVe 
are  unable  to  say  how  much  of  Mr.  Fletcher's  principles 
would  have  adhered  to  Joel,  provided  his  father  had  brought 
him  up.  "We  only  know  that  now  he  is  filled  as  full  as  a 
junkshop  with  liberal  views.  These  views  are  a  heterogene 
ous  mass  from  all  quarters  of  the  globe,  embracing  only  the 
good  in  every  faith,  every  clime,  and  every  nation  under  the 
sun. 

Mr.  Fletcher,  in  drawing  Joel  out  on  the  subject  of  poli- 
(360) 


THE  DRAGOMAN  OF  THE  PARTY.       361 

tics,  found  him  well  informed.  He  found  the  young  man 
well  posted  in  the  history  of  every  party,  from  the  time  it  was 
born  up  to  its  death.  Mr.  Fletcher  was  a  strong  party  man, 
but  saw  the  hopelessness  of  ever  making  one  of  Joel,  who 
boldly  affirmed  that  he  would  ever  sustain  the  best  man, 
to  whatever  party  he  might  belong.  This  was  the  rock  they 
were  likely  to  split  on;  this  was  the  subject  the  mother  most 
dreaded  to  be  discussed.  Albert  knew  too  well  that  Joel 
was  firm. 

"  Joe,  why  the  devil  will  you  be  so  vehement  ?  There  is 
time  enough  for  you  five  years  from  now.  Don't  you  see 
how  you  vex  the  governor  with  your  opposite  views." 

"  I  did  not  intrude  my  views.  When  they  are  called  for, 
I  cannot  see  why  I  should  mask  them." 

"  Now,  look  here,  Joe.  I  am  the  dragoman  of  this  party, 
and  I  don't  want  any  jargon  going  on  that  I  don't  under 
stand.  I  shall  feel  responsible  for  all  the  hubbubs  on  this 
journey.  I  want  the  old  gent  to  feel  as  happy  and  cosy  as 
a  bride  on  her  wedding  tour.  Save  your  steam,  Joe.  I 
think  the  boiler  to  the  engine  will  hold  enough  to  fetch  us 
through  without  your  getting  up  any  of  yours." 

Thereafter  Albert  entertained  Mr.  Fletcher  in  every  pos 
sible  way,  leaving  Joel  to  his  mother.  The  days  that  passed 
in  social  commune  with  her  child  were  among  the  happiest 
of  Mrs.  Fletcher's  life.  They  talked  of  nature,  the  wild  In 
dians,  the  open  plains.  In  those  days  the  mother  and  son 
became  acquainted.  They  came  near  to  each  other.  There 
was  no  longer  restraint;  the  shy,  strange  feeling  was  all  gone. 
The  maternal  heart  that  opens  its  door  for  a  child  was  pul 
sating  with  new  life. 

The  mother  had  opened  a  new  world  to  Joel.  His 
pride  was  touched.  To  know  that  this  glorious  woman  was 
his  mother  crowned  his  happiness.  It  seemed  that  all  of 
his  aims  had  been  achieved.  He  was  no  less  proud  of  his 
father,  but  still  there  was  an  insurmountable  barrier  that 
seemed  to  loom  up  between  them  the  moment  they  made 


\6 


362  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

the  attempt  to  approach  each  other.  As  long  as  they  con 
fined  themselves  to  conventional  formality  all  went  well; 
but  the  approach  of  anything  like  familiarity  brought  dis 
sension  at  once. 

Mr.  Fletcher  grew  more  and  more  attached  to  Albert. 
Mrs.  Fletcher  had  not  known  her  husband  to  laugh  so 
much  in  years.  Albert  had  announced  his  intention  of 
showing  the  old  Virginia  coon  the  California  elephant.  As 
the  train  speeds  along  they  will  ere  long  come  in  sight  of 
his  tusks.  At  Cape  Horn  the  warm  sun  came  out,  shining 
upon  the  green  grass  and  adown  the  mountain  sides,  rest 
ing  in  the  valley  upon  the  trees  and  little  huts  that  here 
and  there  were  squatted  among  this  grand  and  picturesque 
scenery.  The  foliage  glistened  with  the  morning  dew;  the 
songs  of  the  birds,  the  soft  genial  air,  all  tended  to  hatch 
out  a  brood  of  birdlings  in  Mr.  Fletcher's  heart.  They 
began  to  chirp  and  twitter  and  dance  over  his  face  in  a 
marvelous  way. 

Meanwhile,  elaborate  preparations  were  going  on  in  San 
Francisco  to  receive  them.  If  bouquets  were  not  the  size 
of  a  large  washtub,  there  were  large  hearts  and  bright  eyes 
in  anticipation  of  the  coming  guests.  If  the  Queen  of 
Sheba  had  been  coming,  with  her  retinue,  we  doubt  if  she 
would  have  created  a  greater  sensation.  Albert  was  right 
in  his  conjectures  in  regard  to  Madame  Junk's  giving  a  hint 
here  and  there  as  to  the  proper  way  of  receiving  the  ' '  old 
Virginia  coon."  But  we  fear  if  that  good  lady  had  been 
left  to  herself,  that  on  the  arrival  of  the  guests  she  would 
have  escorted  them  to  the  Reformatory  Home  for  depraved 
humanity.  If  another  convict  should  pass  to  that  "bourne 
from  which  no  traveler  returns,"  and  thus  generously  build 
a  bridge  that  ethers  may  glide  easily  over,  we  shall  expect 
to  hear  that  Madame  Junk  has  built  another  home,  over 
whose  door  will  be  written:  "  Come,  all  ye  that  are  weary 
and  heavy  laden  and  I  will  give  you  rest;"  or,  "  It  is  easier 
for  a  camel  to  pass  through  the  eye  of  a  needle  than  for  a 


SHOWING    THE    CALIFORNIA   ELEPHANT.          363 

rich  man  to  enter  the  kingdom  of  heaven."  Seeing  this  as 
we  do  from  a  liberal  standpoint,  we  should  say  the  rich  man 
who  kindly  builds  a  home  in  order  that  the  poor  man  may 
be  fitted  for  heaven,  has  secured  his  own  passport  far  more 
deservedly  than  if  he  had  built  a  dome  that  reached  up  to 
the  sky.  If  the  man  or  woman  wrho  cares  for  some  of  God's 
large  poor  family,  and  provides  them  with  the  means  of 
earning  an  honest  living,  who  visits  the  sick  and  afflicted, 
if  such  a  man  has  the  ability  to  amass  wealth  while  his  poor 
brother  has  not,  we  cannot  see  why  he  should  be  denied 
heaven  for  this  reason;  or  why  he  should  hand  it  over  for 
general  use  without  any  better  security  than  that  story 
about  the  camel  and  the  eye  of  the  needle. 

Kate  Glewer  gave  all  her  spare  time  in  aiding  Madame 
Junk  in  her  charitable  project.  In  fact,  Madame  Junk  had 
come  to  look  on  this  strong  resolute  woman  with  such  con 
fidence,  that  she  scarce  made  a  move  without  her  advice. 
The  Reformatory  Home  for  depraved  humanity  was  now 
ready  to  be  opened.  The  furnishing  of  the  Home  involved 
much  contriving  as  to  what  would  be  the  most  useful  and 
desirable  articles  of  furniture.  Carpets  were  not  to  be 
thought  of,  except  on  two  rooms. 

"  But  men  will  not  scrub  floors,"  said  Madame  Junk. 

"  Do  you  expect  to  have  more  men  than  women?"  said 
Kate. 

"  Yes." 

"In  this  I  think  you  will  be  mistaken.  There  are  ten 
dissolute  women  to  one  man." 

"Maybe;  but  not  in  regard  to  drinking  intoxicating 
liquors." 

"  But  that  is  not  the  only  vice.  "We  shall  find  ten  idle 
women  to  one  man,"  said  Kate.  "I  tell  you,  Madame 
Junk,  that  unless  you  intend  to  make  the  inmates  of  this 
Home  work,  it  will  be  a  failure.  It  will  be  a  place  to  breed 
mischief,  instead  of  a  place  of  reform.  We  cannot  make 
it  a  home  of  luxury  and  ease,  for  even  now  we  must  trust 


364  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

to  liberal  contributions  to  carry  out  this  undertaking.  We 
must  dispense  with  useless  adornments.  A  library  is  neces 
sary,  and  let  it  be  of  such  books  as  will  best  instruct  the 
people  in  laws  of  health  and  industry.  We  have  useful 
books  written  on  agriculture.  I  would  not  advise  books  too 
profound  for  the  unthinking  mind." 

"  Every  inmate  must  have  a  Testament/' said  Madame 
Junk. 

"  Certainly,"  replied  Kate;  "but  the  progress  of  the  age 
demands  other  books  as  well.  I  think  one  good  teacher  will 
answer  for  the  present;  for,  believe  me,  there  will  be  men 
and  women  who  will  come  here  to  be  reformed  who  can 
neither  read  nor  write  their  names.  Men  and  women  who 
are  ignorant  of  the  first  rudiments  of  education  can  never 
make  useful  citizens;  and  we  will  take  the  standpoint  that 
they  must  be  made  into  useful  citizens  before  they  can  enter 
the  kingdom  of  heaven/'  said  Kate,  with  a  smile. 

"  That  is  so.  What  a  pity  I  have  never  finished  my  book 
on  the  '  Proper  Propagation  of  the  American  Kace;'  it  would 
be  such  a  desirable  acquisition  to  the  Keformatory  Home." 

If  Kate  had  her  doubts  about  this  book  being  just  the 
class  of  literature  for  the  inmates  of  the  Home,  she  did  not 
say  so  to  Madame  Junk.  In  the  selection  of  all  things, 
frugality  wTas  Kate's  motto,  and  she  held  on  to  this  virtue  as 
tenaciously  as  Madame  Junk  held  on  to  that  of  being  born 
again.  Industry  and  frugality  were  the  standards  Kate 
fought  under. 

"  There  will  be  no  necessity  of  our  giving  out  money  for 
Testaments,"  said  Kate. 

Madame  Junk  threw  up  her  hands. 

"  Why,  are  we  not  in  need  of  them?" 

"  To  be  sure;  but  I  have  a  little  project  in  my  head  by 
which  we  may  obtain  them  without  paying  cash  down." 

Madame  Junk  lowered  her  hands,  and  waited  to  be  in 
formed;  for  as  a  financier  she  was  not  a  success.  She  could 
spend  money  freely,  but  to  make  it  was  not  in  her  line. 


EIGHT   LIGHT-KIDGLOVED    MEN.  365 

"  I  thought  to  insert  a  little  advertisement  in  all  the  daily 
papers  for  all  those  Avho  have  spare  Bibles  and  Testaments, 
and  who  feel  kindly  inclined  toward  this  Reformatory  Home, 
asking  all  such  to  donate  Bibles  and  Testaments  for  the 
benefit  of  the  inmates.  There  are  plenty  of  families  who 
have  any  number  on  hand  that  are  never  looked  into.  By 
advertising  in  this  way,  we  shall  get  a  car-load,  and  what 
we  receive  over  and  above  our  own  needs  we  can  trade  with 
some  secondhand  book  dealer  for  other  books." 

Madame  Junk  was  rolling  her  apron  strings  around  her 
forefinger. 

' '  Do  you  think  an  old  Bible  will  answer  them  like  a  bright 
new  Bible,  with  gilt  edges  ?" 

"  Yes;  those  who  can  comprehend  them  will  be  just  as 
pleased.  However,  I  do  not  think  we  shall  receive  those 
that  are  badly  thumbed;  the  most  of  them  will  be  as  good 
as  new;  they  are  not  usually  much  worn.  Besides,  if  we 
attempt  to  get  things  up  in  gilt  edge,  our  money  will  give 
out  before  we  have  fairly  begun." 

Madame  Junk  saw  the  point,  and  acquiesced. 

"  What  are  those  eight  men  standing  there  for?"  said  Mr. 
Fletcher,  pointing  out  of  the  car  window  toward  eight  light- 
kidgloved  men,  gotten  up  in  the  latest  mode,  who  stood 
very  nearly  in  a  row,  with  the  most  beautiful  bouquets  Mr. 
Fletcher  ever  beheld.  ' '  What  are  they  about  ?" 

Albert  saw  an  opportunity  to  blow  a  blast  for  his  beloved 
California;  and  how  he  improved  it  we  shall  shortly  see. 

"  Why,  Bistori  is  on  the  train,"  said  Albert;  "  and  those 
gentlemen  you  see  are  the  agents  from  the  leading  photog 
raphers  sent  out  to  present  flowers,  and  invite  the  honor  of 
a  sitting." 

"Indeed!" 

"  Yes;  I  expect  when  you  arrive  it  will  not  be  more  than 
half  a  day  before  a  whole  army  of  these  men  will  be  after 
you,  each  one  clamoring  that  you  come  to  their  place  first." 


366  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"Why,"  said  Mr.  Fletcher,  "  they  are  as  much  of  a 
as  the  New  York  hackdrivers.     I   suppose  they  expect   a 
man  to  pay  liberally  for  such  attentions  ?" 

"  There  you  are  mistaken.  These  photographers  have  the 
most  taking  way  with  them;  they  not  only  send  men  out 
five  hundred  miles  to  meet  distinguished  guests,  but  they 
send  with  them  the  choicest  flowers,  and  pay  your  carriage 
hire.  After  you  have  sat  for  a  picture  they  give  you  all  you 
can  carry  on  your  back." 

''Possible!" 

"Yes,  they  do.  When  Henri  Rochefort  was  to  arrive, 
boats  were  sent  out  representing  the  different  firms.  One 
man,  in  scrambling  up  the  sides  of  the  ship  to  be  the  first 
to  present  his  bouquets,  and  secure  the  first  sitting,  was  so 
loaded  down  with  flowers  on  his  back  that  he  fell  into  the 
sea  and  met  a  watery  grave.  M.  Eochef  ort  was  so  overcome 
•with,  the  death  of  this  brave  man  that  he  forswore  the  whole 
set." 

"  There  must  be  some  motive  in  such  generosity,"  said 
Mr.  Fletcher. 

"Ah  no!  not  that  I  know  of.  Calif ornians  do  not  stand 
at  trifles.' ' 

"I  should  say  not,"  said  the  old  gentleman,  looking  at 
Albert  from  the  corners  of  his  eyes,  as  much  as  to  say,  "  I 
am  green.". . .  ."Yes,  yes,  I  see;  California  is  a  wonderful 
country  for  flowers  and  boys.  Everything  is  done  on  a  large 
plan  here." 

"  I'm  no  pattern,"  said  Albert,  and  he  began  singing  a 
little  ditty  which  was  then  going  the  rounds : 

"  Plant  a  tenpenny  nail  at  night,  in  the  morning  they  do  say 
The  same  will  be  a  crowbar  in  Calif orni — a." 

Agreeably  to  Albert's  suggestion,  a  proper  delegation  was 
on  hand  to  receive  the  F.  F.  V.'s.  The  Mayo  turnout  was 
there  with  its  liveried  groom  and  footman,  for  Albert's 
father  as  well  as  his  son  took  pride  in  receiving  this  distin 
guished  Virginia  coon  with  due  pomp.  The  good  mother 


THEY    ARRIVE    IN    CALIFORNIA.  367 

rode  down  to  welcome  in  a  kindly,  home-like  manner  Mrs. 
Fletcher.  From  the  moment  of  the  first  greeting  between 
the  two  good  mothers  there  was  a  perfect  understanding, 
although  as  totally  unlike  as  two  women  could  be  in  all 
things  save  kind  feelings  and  motherly  love.  Between  all 
true  mothers  there  is  a  bond  of  sympathy;  though  wide 
apart  in  all  other  things,  in  motherhood  they  are  equal.  Our 
good  mother,  with  her  short  dampy  figure  and  round  face, 
looked  sadly  at  disadvantage  beside  the  tall,  aristocratic 
style  of  Mrs.  Fletcher.  Albert's  father  was  far  from  being 
a  nonentity;  for  what  rich  man  can  be  that?  Besides,  he 
came  from  a  good  family.  More  than  all  that,  he  had  aris 
tocratic  notions,  and  felt  that  the  blood  in  his  veins  was  not 
watered,  and  like  a  good  father  he  had  always  endeavored 
to  make  Albert  feel  the  same. 

The  Senator  was  one  of  the  first  to  pay  his  respects  to 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  Fletcher.  As  for  Joel,  Mr.  Smith  looked 
upon  him  as  one  of  his  own  family;  and  indeed  there  was 
more  real  sympathy  between  the  Senator  and  Joel  than 
there  was  between  Mr.  Fletcher  and  Joel.  There  was  a 
mixture  of  sadness  and  surprise  upon  Mr.  Fletcher's  face  as 
he  witnessed  the  meeting  of  Joel  and  the  Senator.  There 
was  a  warmth  on  the  part  of  both;  there  was  an  evident 
feeling  of  everlasting  friendship.  A  glow  of  pride  suffused 
the  Senator's  face;  his  feelings  moistened  his  eyes  and 
caused  his  voice  to  quiver.  He  did  not  congratulate  Joel, 
but  he  congratulated  Mr.  Fletcher  in  language  that  came 
from  the  heart. 

Next  to  call  and  welcome  Joel  was  Madame  Junk.  She 
was  dressed  in  the  same  antique  black  brocade,  with  a  ruff 
of  real  lace  about  her  neck.  With  the  exception  of  a  bon 
net  more  modern,  she  was  dressed  the  same  as  when  she 
first  solicited  the  Senator  for  the  building  of  a  prison 
reform.  Her  greeting  to  Joel  was  more  reserved;  she  felt 
sensitive  but  glad,  and  too  happy  to  talk  in  her  general 
voluble  way.  She  made  no  move  to  kiss  Joel  until  he  bent 


368  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

down  and  kissed  her.  Placing  his  arm  within  hers,  he  led 
her  up  to  his  Mother  Fletcher. 

"  Mother,  this  is  Mrs.  Junk,  the  good  wroman  who  has 
ever  cared  for  me  when  I  had  no  other  friend.  I  shall 
always  call  her  mother.  She  is  the  first  one  I  remember.33 

Mrs.  Fletcher,  with  the  true  instinct  of  a  lady,  held  both 
hands  toward  Madame  Junk,  who  passively  laid  her  hands 
in  Mrs.  Fletcher's,  and  looked  into  her  eyes.  She  saw  too 
much  there;  she  did  not  venture  a  word.  Mrs.  Fletcher 
was  the  first  to  speak,  and  in  a  low  tone  she  said: 

"  We  shall  know  each  other  better." 

Mr.  Fletcher  arose  and  came  toward  the  group. 

"  Father,  this  is  my  Mother  Junk.  I  hope  we  shall  not 
forget  that  Junk  has  been  my  name  for  years,  and  if  we 
respect  ourselves  we  must  respect  the  name  of  Junk." 

Mr.  Fletcher  held  out  one  hand. 

"  Madame,  we  are  under  many  obligations  to  you." 

Madame  Junk  looked  hurt;  but,  recovering  her  feelings, 
she  answered  him: 

"  No,  Sir!  You  are  under  no  obligations  to  me;  you  are 
under  obligations  to  God  for  restoring  to  you  a  son  who  is 
beloved  by  all  who  know  him." 

"  There,  there,  mother!"  said  Joel,  in  his  old  playful  way, 
"  no  one  is  under  obligations  but  me.  Obligation,  Sir,  is 
not  quite  the  word  to  use  to  one  whom  I  have  always  looked 
upon  as  mother.  The  word  may  not  seem  cool  and  strange 
to  you,  but  to  us,  who  have  lived  together  and  suffered  to 
gether,  there  can  be  no  obligation.  Can  there  be,  mother?" 
said  Joel,  in  a  playful  way,  thinking  to  dam  up  the  tears  he 
saw  coursing  down  Madame  Junk's  face. 

"No,  no,  Joel!"  said  Madame  Junk,  wiping  her  eyes, 
"  we  are  not  strangers.  Much  as  I  rejoice  in  your  good 
fortune  and  family  name,  I  can  never  consider  you  under 
obligation.  I  only  ask  a  place  in  your  memory;  and  you 
are  not  the  Joel  you  used  to  be  if  you  don't  give  it  to  me." 

"You  shall  have  that,  and  more  than  that.     Where  are 


MISS    BUSY   AND    THE    F.    F.    V.'s.  369 

those  principles  you  have  taught  me?  Have  I  forgotten 
them  all  in  a  few  short  months?  From  a  little  child  you 
taught  me  to  despise  mean,  cowardly  things,  and  I  know  of 
nothing  so  cowardly  as  to  turn  my  back  on  a  long-tried 
friend.  I  should  be  little  credit  to  my  own  father  and 
mother  were  I  capable  of  such  meanness,"  said  Joel,  low 
ering,  with  flashing  eyes,  at  his  father.  "No,  no,  my  good 
Mother  Junk!  Joe  will  never  turn  the  cold  shoulder  to  you." 

Mr.  Fletcher  winced  at  this  last  remark. 

Miss  Busy  then  appeared  upon  the  scene,  anxious  to  pay 
her  respects  to  the  F.  F.  V.'s.  Her  bonnet-strings  were  of 
the  usual  length,  black  as  jet,  and  without  a  rumple.  She 
walked  with  a  nip,  and  her  correct  language  was  calculated 
to  impress  those  who  saw  her  that  she  was  from  a  good  fam 
ily,  and  born  right.  Joel  presented  her  with  due  ceremony. 
There  was  a  small  effort  on  the  part  o'f  Miss  Busy  to  im 
press  old  England  upon  the  F.  F.  V.'s.  The  conversation 
carried  on  between  Mr.  Fletcher  and  Miss  Busy  was  very 
learned,  and  the  result  was  that  Mr.  Fletcher  was  more  than 
favorably  impressed  with  his  son's  early  teacher.  If  Mad 
ame  Junk  failed  to  fill  the  bill,  Miss  Busy  filled  it,  and  there 
was  something  over.  So  take  it  all  in  all,  Joel's  early  asso 
ciates  were  not  to  be  sneezed  at.  As  for  Mrs.  Fletcher,  had 
she  expressed  herself  at  all,  it  would  have  been  that  she 
was  quite  satisfied  so  far,  and  even  agreeably  surprised. 

But  why  tarry  with  old  folks  when  anxious  young  hearts 
are  beating  a  double-quick  in  anticipation  of  a  meeting? 
The  first  true  love  lives  a  lifetime.  It  seldom  "runs 
smooth;"  but  of  all  the  turbulent  emotions  of  the  soul,  love 
is  the  most  enduring.  True  love  is  conscious  of  its  predes 
tination.  Love  feels  that  one  individual  soul  is  singled  out 
to  be  a  companion — if  not  in  this  world,  in  the  world  to 
come.  Love  is  never  separated.  Though  thousands  of 
miles  intervene,  love  holds  silent  communion.  For  kindred 
hearts  there  is  no  space,  and  for  souls  open  to  love  there  is 
a  language  as  silent  as  God's  own.  It  is  always  difficult  to 
24 


37O  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

tell  what  people  think  by  what  they  say,  but  hearts  that 
know  each  other  by  this  silent  language  are  never  deceived. 
From  the  heart  of  a  child  we  hear  its  own  true  feelings, 
while  the  feelings  of  men  and  women  are  concealed  as  years 
advance.  Would  Carrie  say,  "  Joel,  I  like  every  one  papa 
likes,  and  you  know  he  likes  you?  "  Would  she  tell  him  this 
now  ?  It  is  hardly  supposable  that  a  proper  young  lady 
would  do  this.  Carrie  and  Joel  thought  of  each  other,  but 
they  still  did  not  hasten  to  meet.  Their  feelings  were  too 
sacred  for  indifferent  lookers-on.  Whether  the  Senator 
divined  something  of  this  or  not  we  are  unable  to  say;  at 
all  events,  he  attacked  Joel  one  day,  as  follows: 

"Joe,  it  seems  to  me  you  are  rather  slighting  some  of 
your  old  friends.  Here  is  Carrie,  who  has  been  looking 
every  day  for  you." 

Joel  stammered,  colored,  and  said  something  about  hav 
ing  so  many  ways  to  go;  he  had  by  no  means  forgotten  old 
friends.  He  would  hasten  to  pay  his  respects  that  very  day. 

It  was  something  less  than  half  an  hour  before  Joel  was 
running  up  the  steps  of  the  Senator's  residence.  He  rang 
and  sent  up  his  card.  He  was  ushered  in  by  a  servant,  who 
wore  quite  another  expression  from  that  of  the  servant  who 
ushered  in  poor  Joe  Junk  several  years  ago.  Things  have 
changed;  Joe  don't  wear  cotton  gloves  three  sizes  too  large 
for  him  now,  and  that,  too,  for  gentility's  sake;  but  he  wears 
well-fitting  kids,  because  it  is  a  mark  of  self-respect,  and 
the  mark  of  self-respect  is  a  good  gauge  for  the  world  to 
measure  you  by.  Joel  Fletcher,  is  written  with  a  pencil,  in 
a  clear,  bold  hand,  upon  his  card.  There  is  nothing  osten 
tatious  about  our  Joel,  and  never  shall  be. 

"  Joel  !  "  "  Carrie! "  were  the  first  words  spoken,  as  they 
clasped  hands  and  looked  into  each  other's  eyes,  after  a  lapse 
of  little  more  than  five  years. 

"I  should  have  known  you  anywhere,"  said  Carrie; 
"your  face  is  the  same,  but  you  have  grown  so  tall.  Have 
I  changed  much,  Joel?'* 


JOEL   AND    CARRIE    MEET.  371  ' 

"Very  much,"  said  Joel,  never  taking  his  eyes  off  her  face. 

A  little  wave  of  sadness  passed  over  Carrie's  face.  "I 
regret  that  I  am  changed.  I  should  like  to  look  the  very 
same  to  you.  Joel,  I  rejoice  in  your  good  fortune.  That 
which  I  have  always  felt  and  thought  has  come  true." 

te  There  is  one  reason  why  I  am  glad  of  my  good  fortune/' 

"And  what  may  that  particular  reason  be,"  said  Carrie, 
half  suspecting  the  truth. 

"  Because  it  brings  me  nearer  to  your  level  socially." 

"Everyone  is  near  my  level  socially  whom  I  choose  to 
place  there." 

"  Socially,  means  the  opinion  of  the  world;  and  as  one 
individual  can  never  govern  that,  there  is  nothing  left  for  us 
to  do  but  submit  to  it." 

"Ah  yes!"  sighed  Carrie.  "  Socially,  the  balance  is  now 
in  your  favor.  You  belong  to  an  old  family,  with  a  long  line 
of  ancestry,  while  the  Smiths  are  a  numerous  but  a  very 
common  race  of  people." 

"If  all  I  have  heard  is  true,  there  is  one  among  them  who 
will  redeem  the  Smith  world,  and  do  sufficient  credit  to  its 
past  generations." 

"  If  you  refer  to  my  humble  efforts,  they  will  scarce- be 
noticed,  and  a  few  years  hence  will  be  quite  forgotten." 

Joel  took  from  his  inside  breast-pocket  a  leather  letter- 
case;  from  this  he  handed  Carrie  a  piece  of  paper.  She 
glanced  at  it,  and  showed  signs  of  emotion. 

"  Do  you  believe  it  ?" 

"  Most  certainly.  How  could  I  know  you,  and  not  be 
lieve  it?" 

"  Then  I  am  glad,  and  hope  it  is  true." 

We  do  not  intend  to  play  Paul  Pry,  and  publish  to  the 
world  everything  this  true-hearted  couple  said  to  each  other. 
Suffice  it  to  say,  the  wooing  was  just  what  it  should  be;  and 
henceforward  Madame  Junk  will  have  no  occasion  to  talk  in 
her  sleep,  asking  Joel,  "How  old  did  you  say  the  girl  was?" 
then  go  right  along  with  her  dreaming,  as  if  she  were  com- 


372 


MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 


posing  a  piece  of  music,  changing  the  notes  here  and  there, 
until  one  glad,  grand  anthem  arose  to  heaven,  singing  the 
joy  of  two  souls  united  in  one.  Such  had  been  her  dreams 
by  night  and  by  day.  Joel  was  about  to  realize  the  result 
of  these  dreams. 


CHAPTER    XLIV. 

DEFENSE  OF  WOMEN— SENTIMENT-- TEE  FOURTH  OF 
MARCH— LARRY  O'DOODLE  WILL  BE  BORN  AGAIN- 
MISTRESS  PUNKS— A  LIVELY  INTEREST  IN  THE 
HOME. 

MR.  STANLY  had  become  an  active  worker  in  Sternna's 
behalf,  and  in  a  few  months  had  effected  much. 
The  Earl  of  Bc'Clue's  family  were  at  first  disposed  to  con 
test  Sternna's  claim,  but  gradually  gave  in  to  the  overwhelm 
ing  evidence  brought  forward  by  Mr.  Stanly,  the  Senator, 
Rory,  the  Old  Hermit,  Madame  Junk,  and  the  note-book, 
which  was  proven  to  be  the  actual  property  of  the  Earl  of 
Bc'Clue.  At  last  they  wrote,  kindly  inviting  her  to  come 
to  the  halls  of  her  fathers.  The  joy  of  the  old  servant  knew 
no  bounds. 

"  "Whin  woll  thee  go,  me  lady  ?" 

"  Be  patient,  Rory,"  said  Sternna. 

"  Pinna  ye  nae  I  love  her  woll,  me  Scotland  ?" 

With  all  the  gratitude  Sternna  felt  toward  her  friends  in 
America,  there  was  something  lacking.  They  could  not 
understand  her.  Yes,  what  she  painted  was  pretty;  but 
the  spirit  that  propels  a  mighty  genius  they  could  not  com 
prehend.  Let  it  not  be  wondered  at  if  she  once  more  longed 
to  live  again  in  the  congenial  atmosphere  of  a  world  much 
older  in  art  than  our  own.  Mr.  Stanly  understood  this,  and 
in  their  conversations  she  was  wont  to  show  something  of 
her  feelings.  He  would  often  say, 

"Let  not  your  new  position  withdraw  you  from  your 
original  purpose." 

(373) 


374  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

Sternna  looked  at  him  with  a  sad  wondering  expression. 

"Mr.  Stanly,  I  thought  }TOU  understood  me  better.  I 
have  but  one  thought  and  one  ambition,  and  that  is,  for  my 
art/' 

"  Ah  yes!  I  know  you  think  so  now.  Few  men,  and  no 
women  (that  I  have  ever  known),  can  withstand  the  dazzle  of 
high  society  life,  especially  one  of  your  beauty  and  accom 
plishments.  You  have  the  means  to  pursue  your  studies  to 
the  bent  of  your  inclinations.  You  can  travel  to  every  part 
of  the  world,  and  paint  the  varied  scenery  of  every  clime. 
I  for  one  shall  regret  what  the  world  may  term  your  good 
fortune  if  it  detracts  you  from  your  work.  In  nine  cases  out 
of  ten,  wealth  and  high  social  position  are  a  drawback  to 
genius.  All  objects  that  are  worth  anything  must  have  an 
incentive;  and  poverty,  obscurity,  and  the  world's  lack  of 
appreciation  to  the  spirit  that  knows  its  own  merit,  are  only 
spurs  to  higher  efforts." 

There  was  a  flush  on  Sternna's  cheek,  and  an  angry  flash 
in  her  eyes. 

"  So  you  have  never  known  a  woman  who  could  with 
stand  glitter  and  flattery?" 

"  No,  to  speak  the  truth,  I  never  have." 

"  Provided  you  should  meet  such  a  one,  I  think  her 
spirit  would  be  too  masculine  to  please  you.  The  very  folly 
you  claim  to  despise  in  woman  is  most  courted  by  men. 
The  woman  who  ignores  this  folly  would  be  termed  mascu 
line.  The  men  who  most  admire  the  works  of  Eosa  Bon- 
heur,  say  she  could  never  accomplish  what  she  does  if  she 
had  not  a  manly  spirit.  In  this  way  they  glorify  the  woman 
by  loaning  that  which  God  originally  designed  for  man. 
There  must  be  a  mistake  somewhere.  God  in  His  munifi 
cence  made  an  extravagant  pattern,  I  presume,  and  to 
glorify  one  woman  robbed  one  man  of  his  genius." 

"  You  speak  with  satire.  Eosa  Bonheur  has  a  masculine 
genius  with  a  feminine  heart." 

"  And  yet  she  is  not  to  be  dazed  by  the  glitter  of  society. 


A   GOOD    OX-TEAM.  375 

She  lives  alone  in  her  work;  her  only  incentive  is  her  work. 
If  her  genius  is  outside  the  usual  programme  laid  down  by 
men  for  women,  it  is  hers  just  the  same.  If  God  had  no 
clay  made  up  in  the  form  of  man  that  He  considered  a  fit 
receptacle  for  so  much  genius,  it  was  His  prerogative  to 
give  it  to  a  woman.  Had  God  given  it  to  a  man,  I  do  not 
believe  the  man  would  have  done  Rosa  Bonheur's  work  any 
better  than  she  has  done  it." 

' '  Your  enthusiasm  proves  to  me  that  you  look  upon 
genius  in  a  woman  as  something  marvelous,  after  all." 

"By  no  means,  when  I  stop  to  think.  But,  doubtless,  I 
am  more  or  less  imbued  with  public  prejudice  against  wo 
men.  The  world  has  so  long  looked  upon  woman  as  the 
weaker  part  of  creation,  that  she  has  come  to  consider  her 
self  so." 

"  Is  she  not  so?  Such  women  as  Bosa  Bonheur  are  rare 
instances,"  said  Mr.  Stanly. 

"  Yes;  she  is  rare  as  a  woman,  and  would  be  just  as  rare 
as  a  man." 

Mr.  Stanly  smiled  gravely,  and  said : 

"  Yes,  Rosa  Bonheur  is  a  whole  team,  as  far  as  oxen  are 
concerned." 

Sternna  replied  that  it  was  generally  thought  that  Rosa 
Bonheur's  oxen  were  far  better  than  some  men's  horses, 
and  for  her  part  she  should  prefer  a  good  active  ox-team  to 
anybody's  poor  horse-team. 

Mr.  Stanly  was  more  amused  than  he  chose  to  have  the 
young  lady  know.  He  enjoyed  her  petulance  because  of 
his  criticism  of  woman. 

The  reader  must  not  suppose  that  Mr.  Stanly  was  a  man 
who  took  pleasure  in  wounding  any  lady's  feelings.  He 
had  a  motive.  He  felt  a  deep  interest  in  Sternna  from  the 
first  time  he  saw  her.  He  knew  that  long  years  of  study 
were  requisite  for  her  to  attain  that  height  to  which  her 
genius  was  capable  of  leading  her.  Mr.  Stanly  spoke  truly 
when  he  said  that  he  had  never  known  a  woman  who  could 


376  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

withstand  the  flattery  of  society.  He  knew,  as  we  all  do, 
that  those  who  would  be  great  in  art  must,  as  it  were,  give 
up  the  world.  They  must  create  a  world  of  their  own,  and 
live  apart  in  it.  These  favorites  of  the  gods  have  little 
business  capacity. 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  Fletcher  liked  the  climate  of  California  so 
much  that  their  return  was  postponed  for  an  indefinite 
period.  Besides,  there  was  another  reason  for  remaining. 
There  had  been  an  announcement  among  those  whom  Joel 
was  wont  to  term  the  hightoners.  The  flattering  comments 
of  the  press  over  said  announcement  was  most  pleasing  to 
the  old  Virginia  coon,  as  Albert  Mayo  called  him.  Even 
Mrs.  Fletcher  seemed  to  have  taken  a  new  lease  of  life. 
The  old  sorrowful  expression  was  fast  giving  way  to  a  set 
tled  confidence  which  speaks  of  a  care  to  live,  and  some 
thing  to  live  for. 

Madame  Junk  was,  for  the  time  being,  diverted  from  the 
Reformatory  Home  for  depraved  humanity.  Coming  events 
of  a  momentous  nature  required  her  attention. 

Sternna  was  never  known  to  be  so  kind  and  attentive  to 
any  other  young  gentleman  as  to  George  Gregory  Glewer. 
The  reader  who  has  the  least  discrimination  will  see  it  was 
not  love  on  her  part,  neither  could  it  be  said  to  be  that  class 
of  love  belonging  to  love-sick  swains  on  his.  I  think  every 
boy  can  look  back  to  a  time  in  his  life  when  he  worshiped 
some  woman  older  than  himself;  some  woman  for  whom  he 
had  the  most  profound  respect,  without  knowing  why  he 
had  set  her  apart  to  honor  more  than  all  others.  Perhaps 
Sternna  understood  something  of  boy's  soul-life,  for  they 
all  have  souls,  no  matter  if  they  do  sometimes  act  as  if  they 
had  not.  Her  own  great,  liberal  nature  and  experience  had 
taught  her  that  all  things  are  not  what  they  seem :  at  all 
events,  it  does  not  require  much  knowledge  to  know  that. 
No  person  is  to  blame  for  being  born  in  low  conditions,  or 
outside  the  legal  way  laid  down  by  the  law;  still,  the  world 
does  in  a  measure  hold  such  ones  responsible.  In  any  class 


ALL    IS   BUSTLE    AND    CONFUSION.  377 

of  society,  from  the  lowest  to  the  highest,  they  are  looked 
upon  as  intruders;  they  have  come  into  a  world  they  have 
no  right  in;  perhaps  if  they  could  have  had  any  voice  in  the 
matter  they  would  not  have  come.  It  is  not  likely  that  any 
individual  would  crowd  in  where  he  knows  he  is  not  wanted, 
and  will  be  forever  and  ever  sneered  at  and  told,  "I  am 
better  than  thou." 

Sternna  had  been  prevailed  upon  to  remain  until  after  the 
event  referred  to  in  our  last  chapter.  She  would  officiate 
as  one  of  the  bridesmaids,  and  who  so  appropriate  to  act  as 
groomsman  as  our  young  Hercules  ? 

All  our  friends  seem  to  be  in  bustle  and  confusion.  The 
two  husbands  between  Miss  Busy's  eyes  seemed  to  work 
diligently,  getting  out  old-time  relics  which  were  only  worn 
on  state  occasions.  In  this  instance,  Madame  Junk  dis 
played  a  degree  of  sentiment  that  was  not  quite  in  keeping 
with  the  taste  of  her  friends.  She  announced  her  intention 
of  wearing  that  antique  brocade  silk. 

"As  far  as  I  am  concerned/'  said  Sternna,  "I  have  no 
objection;  but  anything  so  conspicuous  as  that  dress  would 
be,  among  the  modern  styles  of  the  day,  is  not  in  good  taste. 
People  might  think  you  wore  it  just  to  be  seen;  besides,  I 
think  it  would  offend  Joel." 

"  You  see,  I  thought,"  said  Madame  Junk,  sadly,  almost 
tearfully,  "  as  I  wore  it  the  first  time  I  called  upon  the  Sen 
ator,  it  would  be  in  keeping  for  me  to  wear  it  upon  this 
occasion;  but  it  shall  be  as  you  say;  I  do  not  wish  to  offend 
Joel." 

Miss  Busy  had  not  given  up  all  hope  of  an  alliance  with 
Mr.  Stanly,  for  that  gentleman  continued  to  call  as  of  yore, 
and  consult  upon  general  topics.  She  could  not  but  think 
that  eventually  he  would  wake  up  to  a  realizing  sense  of  her 
worthc  Mr.  Stanly  did  appreciate  her  worth  and  education; 
still,  she  was  not  a  woman  he  would  select  to  preside  at  his 
board.  Men  who  are  highly  intellectual  do  not  care  for  a 
repetition  of  it  in  a  wife.  The  brain  requires  rest  and  to  be 


378  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

amused  by  things  which  require  little  or  no  thought.  Be 
cause  a  man  knows  a  thing  himself,  it  is  no  reason  why  he 
wants  to  be  plagued  to  death  by  complicated  questions  from 
a  wife.  When  two  highly  cultivated  people  are  united,  they 
wear  each  other  out  before  their  time.  The  constant  action 
of  intense  thought  between  two  thus  united  is  a  constant 
drain  upon  the  nervous  system.  Nature,  in  most  instances, 
being  true  to  herself,  seldom  makes  such  matches.  Hus 
band  and  wife  cannot  be  equal  in  will-power  and  intellectual 
force  without  both  suffering. 

Mr.  Stanly  had  been  an  acute  observer  of  these  things, 
and  was  content  to  admire  women  of  brain  at  a  distance. 
Neither  would  he  select  a  meek  one.  He  liked  active  women, 
even  energetic,  without  the  desire  to  dip  into  all  the  abstruse 
sciences,  which  he  considered  to  be  man's  especial  province. 
Every  man  likes  women  of  common  sense;  they  make  good 
wives  and  sturdy  mothers.  It  had  been  Mr.  Stanly's  obser 
vation  that  the  great  men  of  any  country  were  not  usually 
the  offspring  of  women  who  were  deep  in  the  sciences  and 
arts,  but  women  of  strong  physical  constitutions.  Several 
times  had  that  gentleman  and  Madame  Junk  discussed  this 
question.  He  accepted  her  views  on  propagation;  and, 
though  rendered  in  language  almost  too  plain  to  be  delicate, 
still  he  was  forced  to  admit  their  truth.  Had  Madame  Junk 
been  a  younger  woman,  Miss  Busy  would  have  been  jealous; 
as  it  was,  she  sometimes  wished  her  in  Jericho,  but  that  was 
when  Mr.  Stanly  seemed  unusually  pleased  and  laughed  at 
Madame  Junk's  way  of  setting  forth  her  peculiar  views. 

Now  that  the  Home  for  reforming  depraved  humanity  was 
so  near  completion,  there  Avere  continued  applications  from 
tramps  of  all  grades  for  admittance;  and  a  sorry-looking  lot 
they  were — ragged,  shoeless,  and  shiftless.  So  frequently 
did  these  people  call  to  pester  and  plague,  that  Madame 
Junk  was  forced  to  have  printed  upon  a  large  placard : 

"NOT  PREPARED  TO  RECEIVE  INMATES  YET. 

WILL  BE  OPENED  THE  FOURTH  OF  MARCH." 


GOOD    SOIL    WHERE    PIG-WEED    GROWS.          379 

Madame  Junk  was  determined,  as  far  as  possible,  to  pay 
respect  to  our  presidential  inaugural  day.  At  all  events, 
there  seemed  to  be  a  certain  significance  in  her  taking  the 
presidential  chair  in  this  Home  on  the  fourth  of  March.  It 
was  surprising  to  see  how  suddenly  the  market  became 
flooded  with  applicants  who  were  willing  to  vouch  for 
their  ability  to  walk  the  strait  and  narrow  path.  Madame 
Junk  was  frequently  annoyed  by  Mrs.  Glewer  express 
ing  her  doubts  in  regard  to  the  stick-to-it-iveness  of  the 
general  run  of  applicants.  Kate  was  willing  to  lend  her 
hand  in  trying  this  reform;  but  her  logic  was  ever  asking, 
How  is  it  possible  to  make  something  out  of  nothing?  Mad 
ame  Junk  and  Kate  sometimes  exchanged  small  jokes  over 
this.  Madame  Junk  said, 

"  Where  pig-weed  would  grow,  the  soil  was  good." 

"  But/'  said  Kate,  "  these  people  who  express  a  wish  to 
be  born  again,  with  them  the  rich  soil  is  all  on  the  surface. 
My  fear  is  that,  in  digging  down,  we  shall  not  find  sufficient 
depth  for  anything  good  to  take  root." 

It  will  be  best  for  us  to  look  after  other  characters  who  are 
on  the  road  to  be  born  again. 

"  Ah,  weal  a  day!  she'll  nae  take  us." 

"  Schfool,  vas  ist  dish  yous  ton't  tinks?  He  vill  dakes  us. 
Ven  he  vas  boor  Ich  lets  he  dakes  blenty  ob  tinks.  Bretty 
nigli  half  der  garpets  vas  mine;  pesides,  das  ist  von  Ghristian 
blace.  Ha!  ha!  das  ist  petter  we  sleeps  mit  Ghristian  togs 
den  mit  der  sthreets." 

"Weal,  ye  may  go  first.  I'll  nae  poke  me  head  in  the 
noose." 

"  Ven  I  makes  der  ped,  you  vill  lies  down,  hey?" 

This  conversation  was  carried  on  by  Jonas  Pictpink  and  his 
wife  as  they  sat  upon  Kalph  Burns's  grave,  beneath  a  willow 
tree  of  Madame  Junk's  planting.  They  had  wandered  hither 
either  by  accident  or  design,  or  moved  by  the  unseen  power 
of  the  evil  spirit  that  once  inhabited  the  mouldering  clay 
that  lay  in  the  grave  beneath  them. 


8o  MADAME   JANE    JUNK    AND    JOtf. 


11  Das  vomans  vont  know  us." 

"  Her  'ee  is  as  steel;  she'll  know  thou. 

At  this  moment  there  came  up  another  bloated  vagrant. 
He  was  quite  as  tattered  as  when  he  called  upon  Madame 
Junk,  and  she  fixed  him  up,  and  procured  him  a  job,  that  so 
frightened  him  he  ran  for  his  life. 

'  '  Arrah  !  and  is  it  yez  that  will  be  after  being  born  agin  ? 
Haw!  haw!  Indade,  me  birds,  'tis  meself  that  is  looking 
arter  yez.  So  yez  will  be  after  having  the  old  'oman  born 
yez  agin.  It  is  Larry  O'Doodle  that  will  be  after  saying  she 
don't  take  the  dhurty  job." 

"Vat  ist  dish  der  fool  istspeakin'?  Das  ist  von  grazy 
mon.  How  ist  dish  von  can  be  porn  a  gouple  of  times?" 

The  man  addressed  closed  one  eye,  and  thrust  his  hands 
into  some  slits  where  his  pockets  might  have  been,  but  were 
not.  Pockets  are  a  superfluous  luxury  when  a  man  has 
nothing  to  carry  in  them. 

"  Begorra,  old  'oman  !  it  is  playing  upon  the  stage  ye 
should  be,  in  place  of  sitting  just  ferninst  this  foin  white 
door  wid  the  man's  name  on  it,  and  yez  are  sitting  on  top 
his  house  now." 

The  woman  realized  the  situation  and  changed  tactics 
quickly. 

"Hah  !  Dis  ist  der  schentlemans  vat  called  some  days  mit 
our  pusiness.  How  vas  you  ?" 

"While  she  spoke  she  thrust  her  hand  into  her  pocket  and 
drew  forth  a  soiled  rag,  untied  one  corner  of  it,  and  handed 
the  man  a  new,  bright  half  dollar. 

"Takesaleetle?" 

He  took  the  money  and  turned  it  over  and  over  in  his 
hand,  looking  at  it  admiringly.  If  his  face  wore  any  ex 
pression,  it  was  a  wish  that  in  turning  it  about  he  might 
make  it  into  several  thousand.  It  was  impossible  to  make 
out  whether  he  intended  to  keep  it  or  not.  After  looking 
at  it  a  moment  longer  he  handed  it  back. 

"  Is  it  the  loikes  of  yez  that  is  thinking  you  can  buy  Larry 


MLSTHRESS    HUNKS,    TUNKS,    BUNKS.  381 

O'Doodle  with  a  new  bright  half  dollar?  Bad  luck  to  ye 
and  the  day  ye  was  born!  and  bad  luck  I  say  to  the  day  ye 
will  be  born  agin.  Does  ye  think  I  will  ba  after  letting  a 
nasty  black  cat  crape  in  and  lick  up  the  cream  while  'tis 
meself  that  stands  outdoor  wid  nary  a  hup  to  ate  and 
nary  a  drop  of  the  cratur  to  wet  me  guzzle  wid?" 

Quick  as.  thought  her  hand  went  into  her  pocket  again; 
in  place  of  a  rag  she  drew  out  a  small  black  flask  and 
handed  this  to  the  man,  which  he  grasped  with  more  ac 
tivity  than  he  did  the  money.  He  took  out  the  stopper  and 
placed  the  mouth  of  the  flask  to  his  mouth.  Not  a  muscle 
of  the  throat  moved  any  more  than  a  stone  aperture  of  the 
same  size  would  have  done.  As  the  fluid  diminished  he 
threw  his  head  back  and  sucked  for  the  last  drop.  Placing 
the  stopper  in  he  handed  it  back  without  a  word  of  thanks. 

"  Arrah!  bad  luck  to  the  little  black  bug  that  is  not  after 
holding  enough  to  warm  a  man's  stomach  wid !" 

With  this  he  sat  down  upon  a  curbstone  adjoining  Ralph 
Burns' s  grave.  Clasping  his  hands  around  one  knee,  he 
moved  back  and  forth.  With  one  eye  half  closed,  he  looked 
at  the  man  and  woman  opposite. 

"So  it  is  being  born  agin  yez  would  be?"  His  body  kept 
moving  back  and  forth.  "  It  is  a  bad  job,  and  a  power  o' 
money  in  it." 

The  old  hag  brightened  up.  She  changed  her  attitude 
into  one  of  listening. 

"  A  great  many  people  is  after  visiting  this  place  where 
they  born  such  as  yez  over  again  and  fit  thim  out  for  hiven. 
Such  as  yez  can  larn  the  way  in  a  little  bit.  'Tis  meself 
that  is  going  over  to  see  Misthress  Hunks,  Tunks,  Bunks, 
or  some  such  bloody  name  that  is  fit  to  bust  me  head  to 
disremember.  She  is  a  broth  of  a  'oman,  and  one  of  me 
own  friends.  One  day  she  was  after  coming  wid  sthuff  for 
me  poor  sister  that  must  be  born  agin.  Ha!  ha!  I  took 
the  sthuff,  and  it  was  killing  me,  it  was.  Ho!  ho!  If  it  be 
that  same  she'll  be  after  giving  yez  to  born  yez  agin,  the 
divil  himself  wad  refuse  to  be  born  over  agin." 


382       MADAME  JANE  JUNK  AND  JOE. 

"Veil,  you  knows  dish  ladies  all  der  viles?  Goes  you 
to  der  housh?" 

"  Begorra!  and  it  is  that  same  I  am  after  doing.  'Tis 
meself  that  is  011  the  road  to  hiven  this  instance,"  and  he 
arose  to  leave  them.  He  had  taken  but  a  step  or  two  when 
the  woman  called  after  him  : 

"Vill  der  goot  schentlemans  sphake  to  der  Bunks  lady 
von  vord  mit  us?" 

"  Indade,  no!  Whin  a  poor  divil  must  work  his  own  way 
to  hiven,  it  is  as  much  as  he  can  do.  Good  day.  Whin 
we  mate  agin,  I  hope  it  will  not  ba  in  as  grave  a  place  as 
this.  Good  day  to  yez!"  and  he  walked  away,  swinging  his 
shillalah  over  his  head  in  true  Irish  style,  muttering: 
"  Hunks,  Bunks,  Tunks,  Skunks;  no,  that  will  no  ba  after 
baing  it." 

He  laid  his  hand  on  his  head,  trying  with  all  his  might  to 
bring  Madame  Junk's  name  back  to  mind. 

We  do  not  require  Madame  Junk  to  tell  us  that  Mrs.  Pict- 
pink  was  not  born  right.  She  will  have  to  be  born  at  least 
a  hundred  times  before  she  will  be  worthy  of  any  sort  of  a 
seat  in  the  most  remote  corner  of  heaven.  We  are  very 
much  afraid  this  bad  woman's  father  and  mother  never  had 
any  such  good  books  to  read  as  Madame  Junk's  work  on  the 
Proper  Propagation  of  the  American  Race.  It  is  fair  to 
presume  that,  had  they  read  such  a  work,  no  such  fiendish 
monstrosity  would  have  cumbered  this  earth. 

Larry  O'Doodle's  blood  began  to  warm  with  the  contents 
of  the  little  black  bug,  and  his  step  became  a  little  un 
steady  as  he  wended  his  way  to  the  Home  with  the  motto : 
"  Lest  a  man  be  born  again  he  cannot  enter  the  kingdom 
of  heaven."  It  is  just  possible  he  was  even  now  finding  the 
strait  and  narrow  path  a  little  difficult  for  one  of  his  un 
steady  balance.  Let  us  hope  by  the  aid  of  his  shillalah  he 
may  stick  to  the  track  until  he  arrives  at  this  home  of 
reform,  there  to  receive  a  new  dress  for  a  new  stage  of  ac 
tion.  He  sang  snatches  of  wild  Irish  songs.  The  little 


A    POOR    CONSTITUTION.  383 

straw  hat  set  to  one  side  only  served  to  make  his  coarse 
red  face  look  larger;  his  open  shirt  collar  showed  a  neck  as 
sturdy  as  an  ox.  All  this  combined  showed  a  man  of  power 
ful  strength.  In  a  knock-down  fight  he  would  have  been 
a  match  for  a  large  number  of  ordinary  men.  Coming  in 
sight  of  the  Home  he  took  off  his  hat  and  swung  it  round 
and  round  his  head,  crying:  "  Hurrah!  hurrah!  It  is  cheer 
ing  I  am  for  St.  Patrick  and  Misthress  Punks!"  The  nearer 
he  came  to  the  Home,  the  more  heavenly  he  felt.  If  his 
exuberance  of  spirits  continue  to  increase  at  the  same  rate 
of  speed,  there  is  no  sure  thing  that  he  will  not  go  right  up 
.without  waiting  to  be  born  again. 

At  last  he  arrived  at  the  door  of  the  Home  for  fitting 
souls  for  heaven.  He  rang  the  bell  furiously.  Madame 
Junk,  thinking  anxious  applicants  were  ringing  to  be  re 
formed,  hastened  to  the  door,  and  was  far  from  recognizing 
an  old  acquaintance. 

"  Is  it  Misthress  Hunks  that  is  after  living  here?" 

She  leaned  toward  him,  and  her  mild  blue  eyes  looked 
upon  him  benignly,  pityingly. 

"  Is  it  Madame  Junk  you  wish  to  see?" 

"  Arrah!  that  is  the  name.  My  head  is  all  in  a  knot,  ticy- 
ing  to  find  it." 

"  Walk  in,  my  friend,  and  tell  me  what  I  can  do  for  you/' 

She  took  him  into  the  chapel.  He  sat  down,  and  with 
the  back  of  his  hand  wiped  the  perspiration  from  his  fore 
head.  Meanwhile,  Madame  Junk  was  taking  an  inventory 
of  him,  with  a  look  of  compassion. 

"  Is  this  the  place  where  you  can  put  divils  on  the  road 
tohiven?"  ^ 

"  This  is  the  place  where  we  make  bad  men  good;  and 
we  believe  all  good  men  go  to  heaven." 

"  It  is  meself  that  wad  ba  going  there,  if  the  work  is  not 
a  bit  too  hard  for  me  constitution,"  said  Larry  O'Doodle, 
placing  his  hand  first  on  his  stomach,  then  on  his  side,  then 
on  his  forehead,  then  on  the  right  shoulder,  then  on  the 


384  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

left.  The  last  place  he  touched  was  the  small  of  his  back. 
His  condition  seemed  very  precarious,  for  there  was  scarce 
a  spot  on  his  body  that  was  not  out  of  kelter,  provided  we 
should  take  his  word  for  it. 

Madame  Junk  ventured  timidly  to  say: 

"  We  expect  all  those  who  come  here  to  work,  as  much 
as  their  health  will  allow." 

"  Ah  yes!  Misthress  Punks;  I  will  be  doin'  whin  me  back 
is  not  broke  intirely." 

"That  is  all  we  ask,"  said  Madame  Junk,  quite  encouraged 
by  this  promise.  "  Would  you  like  something  to  eat?" 

The  man's  hand  wandered  up  to  his  stomach  again,  and 
he  called  on  St.  Patrick  to  witness  he  had  not  tasted  food 
for  forty-eight  hours.  It  was  not  a  wonder  he  was  "  wake." 
Madame  Junk  thought  so,  too.  She  left  the  room  to  pre 
pare  food  for  this  poor  wandering  tramp,  who  for  years  had 
not  known  what  it  was  to  eat  a  meal  in  a  civilized  way.  She 
gave  him  a  bowl  of  milk  and  fruit;  for  the  rule  of  this  Home 
was  that  the  last  meal  should  be  light;  besides,  a  man  who 
had  eaten  nothing  for  forty-eight  hours  should  be  careful. 
Madame  Junk  informed  him  that  it  was  the  rule  for  every 
new  inmate  to  take  a  bath.  She  showed  him  the  bath,  and 
how  it  worked,  then  told  him  to  take  off  his  clothing  and 
take  a  good  bath. 

"  Indade,  it  is  not  drowning  me  ye  would  ba?" 

"  Oh  no;  it  will  make  you  feel  better." 

"  I  never  done  the  likes  of  this  before." 

"  Well,  try  it,"  said  Madame  Junk,  as  she  left  the  room. 

The  man  undressed,  and  put  one  foot  in.  The  sensation 
was  rather  pleasant;  then  he  tried  the  other;  then  he  sat 
down  011  the  bottom  of  the  tub.  That  was  so  comfortable, 
he  lay  down. 

"  By  the  howly  St.  Patrick!  if  it  is  shwimming  to  hiven 
in  this  wray,  it  is  Larry  O'Doodle  who  has  no  objectings 
intirely."  By  degrees  he  began  splashing  like  a  huge  fish. 
"  Well,  indade!  if  this  ba  the  work,  it  is  Larry  O'Doodle 


HE    SCREECHED,    COME    IN.  385 

that  can  do  it."  He  was  to  remain  in  twenty  minutes,  that 
being  the  law  of  the  Home;  but  this  being  an  aggravated 
case,  Madame  Junk  resolved  to  make  it  twenty-five. 

When  twenty -five  minutes  were  up,  Madame  Junk  was  at 
the  door.  She  rapped,  and  Larry  O 'Doodle  screeched, 

"Come  in!" 

She  spoke  from  the  other  side  of  the  door: 

"  Come  out  of  the  water!  You  will  find  clean  clothes 
before  the  door.  Put  them  on,  and  leave  yours  in  the  bath 
room/' 

"  Indade!  Well,  ralely!  intirely!  This  must  ba  the  way 
to  hiven!"  muttered  Larry  O'Doodle,  as  he  was  dressing 
himself  in  clean  clothing." 


25 


CHAPTER    XLV. 

TWO  MORE  APPLICANTS— KNIFE  AND  FORK-SHOVEL 
AND  HOE— THE  CULTIVATION  OF  BEANS. 

IF  there  was  any  particular  cliarm  more  than  another 
about  this  Reformatory  Home  it  was  the  sleeping  apart 
ments;  Madame  Junk  believed  in  having  them  clean.  There 
would  be  labor  in  reforming  this  raw,  uncultivated  Irish 
man.  She  took  a  beautiful  bouquet  that  had  been  sent  her 
that  day;  this  she  placed  on  a  small  table;  also  a  rose-tree 
in  full  bloom.  Not  content  with  this,  she  bought  colonge 
and  sprinkled  it  about  until  the  room  was  as  fragrant  as  a 
garden  of  roses.  Then  she  knelt  down  and  prayed  for  this 
tramp  while  he  sat  in  the  next  room  and  heard  every  word. 
When  he  heard  her  ask  the  white  angels  to  come  and  purify, 
sanctify,  and  teach  him  how  to  walk  in  manhood's  ways  he 
was  not  so  stupid  that  he  did  not  understand  its  full  mean 
ing.  From  that  moment  he  would  no  more  have  harmed 
Madame  Junk  than  he  would  have  cut  his  own  head  off; 
and  what  is  better  yet,  he  would  not  have  allowed  others  to 
do  so.  Madame  Junk  came  out  and  told  him  that  the  rules 
of  the  Home  required  the  inmates  to  be  in  bed  at  nine 
o'clock.  She  hoped  he  would  have  a  good  night's  rest  and 
arise  at  six  o'clock  in  the  morning  and  come  to  the  chapel, 
where  they  held  prayers. 

"  Do  you  ever  pray?"  asked  Madame  Junk,  so  suddenly 
that  the  man  gave  a  little  start. 

"Whin  I  was  a  wee  thing  I  was  after  praying  to  Holy 
Mother  Mary." 

"  Pray  to  her  to-night,  will  you  ?  " 
(386) 


LIBERALITY    IN    RELIGION.  387 

"  How  can  I  be  after  praying  ?     I  have  110  bades." 

"  Sit  down  a  moment." 

Slie  went  to  her  room,  and  soon  returned  with  a  string  of 
beautiful  white  beads. 

"And  is  it  thim  I  can  be  using?    It  is  white  they  are." 

"Was  not  Mary,  Mother  of  Jesus,  pure  and  white  as  those 
beads  ?  Please  me;  pray  to  her  and  count  those  beads,  and 
to-morrow  I  will  get  you  such  a  string  as  your  religion  calls 
for/'  As  she  spoke,  she  hung  the  pure  white  pearls  over 
the  man's  shoulders. 

"  Is  it  a  Catholic  you  are?" 

"  No,  my  friend;  I  am  a  Protestant." 

The  man  held  the  beads  and  looked  at  them;  then  he 
looked  for  the  first  time  squarely  at  Madame  Junk.  His 
stare  was  returned  with  equal  fairness.  There  swept  over 
the  face  of  this  life-long  tramp  and  public  impostor  an  ex 
pression  of  wonder;  the  next  second  it  was  doubt;  the  next 
the  faintest  ray  of  intelligence  crept-  in. 

"Indade!  Ralely!"  and  with  his  disengaged  hand  he 
rubbed  the  top  of  his  head,  doubled  his  fist,  and  with  his 
knuckles  rubbed  each  eye  and  blinked  at  Madame  Junk. 

"  Be  jabers!  its  not  after  draining  I  am." 

"  No,"  said  Madame  Junk,  "  you  are  wide-awake.  "Why 
so  astonished  ?  " 

"It  was  meself  that  was  thinking  all  yous  hated  the 
Catholics  like  the  divil." 

"  I  hate  no  one,"  said  Madame  Junk.  "  You  are  one  of 
God's  children,  and  if  you  wish  to  serve  Him  by  praying  to 
the  mother  of  Jesus,  I  respect  you  for  it.  I  like  you  for  it. 
There  is  not  such  a  great  difference  as  you  think." 

"  Indade!  ralely!  my  Praist  niver  told  me  that." 

"  Good  night,"  said  Madame  Junk,  not  wishing  to  pro 
long  this  conversation.  "  Good  night.  Ask  the  Virgin 
Mary  to  help  you,  for  we  all  need  help." 

"  Good  night,  Misthress  Junks,  and  may  the  blessings  of 
the  Saints  be  wid  ye." 


388  MADAME    JANE    JUNK   AND   JOE. 

He  stepped  into  the  pure  white  room.  He  sniffed  and 
sniffed,  like  some  wild  animal  scenting  his  lair.  "  Be  jabers, 
this  smells  swate,  intirely."  He  looked  at  the  bouquet. 
"And  is  it  these  same  flowers  we  will  be  plucking1  on  the 
road  to  hiven?"  He  looked  about  the  room  and  examined 
everything,  turned  down  the  snow-white  sheets,  which 
seemed  to  remind  him  of  the  beads;  he  took  them  in  his 
hand  and  knelt  down  by  the  bed,  and  prayed  in  an  audible 
voice.  And  Madame  Junk  sat  in  the  room  adjoining  and 
heard  his  prayer.  She  was  not  so  stupid  that  she  could  not 
comprehend  him. 

"Blessed  Virgin,  Holy  Mary,  Mother  of  God,  forgive 
me;"  one  bead,  and  so  on  through  the  string.  The  last 
white  bead  he  devoted  to  Madame  Junk,  and  from  that 
moment  she  resolved  within  herself  that  she  would  work 
unceasingly  to  make  that  man  a  Christian.  The  string  of 
white  pearls  finished,  he  arose,  undressed,  and  for  the  first 
time  in  long  years  lay  down  in  a  clean  bed.  He  no  longer 
doubted  about  this  being  a  place  where  folks  were  fitted  for 
"  hiven."  He  actually  thought  he  was  going  through  the 
process,  as  indeed  he  was. 

Who  shall  say  the  white  angels  did  not  come  into  his 
room  that  night?  Who  shall  say  they  did  not  bear  his 
prayer  to  the  Holy  Mary,  Mother  of  God,  as  glad  tidings 
of  great  joy?  Who  shall  say  they  did  not  speak  to  him  in 
dreams,  of  a  better  life  beyond  this  ?  Who  among  the  most 
radical,  hellfire  -  and  -  brimstone,  burning  -f  orever-and  -ever 
more  people,  shall  cast  him  out  and  pronounce  him  damned 
because  he  prays  and  counts  a  string  of  white  beads  ?  Who 
will  presume,  I  say,  even  if  the  beads  were  blue,  or  green, 
or  any  other  color? 

As  broad  as  this  was  Madame  Junk's  religious  views,  and 
all  discrepancies  came  under  the  head  of  not  being  bom 
right.  Had  Madame  Junk  lived  in  any  year  B.  C.,  and 
finished  her  book,  this  world  would  not  have  been  in  its 
present  sinful  condition.  The  entire  human  family  would 


NOTORIETY    OF    THE    HOME.  389 

have  been  born  upon  another  basis.  As  it  is,  there  is  no 
other  way  but  to  be  born  again. 

The  next  day  after  Larry  O'Doodle  came  to  the  Home  two 
more  applicants  called  and  expressed  a  wish  to  be  born 
again;  and  most  certainly,  judging  from  outward  appear 
ances,  there  was  no  reason  to  doubt  that  such  a  change 
would  be  a  desirable  one.  The  two  applicants  were  Jonas 
Pictpink  and  wife.  This  old  witch  had  but  one  end  in  view 
in  being  "born  a  couble  of  times/'  as  she  called  it.  It  was 
to  appropriate  the  money  and  valuables  of  others.  She 
thought  there  was  nothing  like  being  on  the  inside  of  the 
ring,  and  to  get  inside  the  ring  was  to  get  into  Madame 
Junk's  Home  for  reforming  depraved  humanity. 

True  it  was  that  this  Home  was  looked  upon  with  a  de 
gree  of  favor  hitherto  unknown  to  the  general  run  of  insti 
tutions  that  came  under  the  head  of  charity.  It  was  looked 
upon  with  respect  by  the  high,  the  low,  the  rich,  and  the 
poor.  The  elite  was  wont  to  visit  this  place,  and  speak  kind 
words  of  encouragement  to  Madame  Junk.  Indeed,  if  noth 
ing  else  drew  them  there,  the  notoriety  of  the  thing  would 
have  done  it.  Strangers  from  every  part  of  the  world,  when 
they  came  to  visit  San  Francisco,  must  not  leave  until  they 
had  seen  this  Home  for  reforming  depraved  humanity,  and 
the  eccentric  woman  who  presided  over  it,  and  who  had 
given  all  her  fortune,  besides  devoting  her  life  to  it.  So  it 
was  that  this  Home  became  known  to  the  greater  part  of 
Europe.  However,  the  stone  scroll  over  the  door,  on  which 
was  written,  "Lest  a  man  be  born  again  he  cannot  enter  the 
kingdom  of  heaven/'  had  earned  for  it  an  exaggerated  ac 
count  of  what  was  required  of  the  inmates.  It  was  generally 
supposed  that  they  were  only  required  to  eat,  drink  and  pray; 
but  that  is  a  mistake,  as  such  of  the  inmates  as  are  now  there 
can  testify.  For  those  who  are  able-bodied  the  shovel  and 
the  hoe  are  handled  more  hours  than  the  knife  and  fork. 

The  next  morning,  after  Larry  O'Doodle  arose,  and  had 
listened  to  a  devout  prayer  offered  up  by  Madame  Junk,  in 


39O  MADAME    JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

which  he  was  mentioned  more  than  once,  he  was  asked  by 
that  lady  if  he  could  read. 

"  And  is  it  reading  we  must  ba  before  we  go  to  hiven  ?" 

"  Would  you  not  like  to  read  ?" 

"  Well,  'tis  not  meself  that  can  be  after  saying  jist  now." 

It  might  have  been  as  well  for  us  to  have  stated  some  time 
since  that  Kate  Glewer  had  secured  the  services  of  Miss 
Josephine  Blessing  as  teacher  in  the  Home  for  reforming 
depraved  humanity.  Our  young  lady  was  most  amiable  and 
good,  and,  withal,  quite  good-looking.  She  had  beautiful 
blue  eyes  and  brown  hair.  There  is  no  disputing  that  she 
was  a  desirable  acquisition  to  the  Reformatory  Home.  As 
Larry  O'Doodle  used  to  tell  Madame  Junk,  "It  was  a  bliss- 
ing  to  sit  just  ferninst  her  blue  eyes." 

The  morning  of  which  we  speak  he  was  introduced  to  Miss 
Blessing.  She  found  him  an  apt  pupil;  his  ready  Irish  wit 
and  spontaneity  of  original  comparisons  made  him  very 
entertaining.  He  learned  every  word  and  every  letter  by 
associating  it  with  objects  familiar  in  his  past  life.  At  the 
present  outlook  he  stands  just  as  good  a  chance  of  holding 
the  office  of  city  clerk,  or  some  such  place,  as  any  other  man. 
It  is  surprising  to  see  how  ambition  quickens  its  activity  the 
moment  you  give  it  the  work  its  growth  requires. 

We  can  find  any  number  of  physicians  who  are  not  only 
ready,  but  mighty  glad,  to  take  deformed  physical  bodies 
and  turn  them  wrongside  out  and  back  again;  but  this  is 
done  that  the  world  may  be  advanced  in  knowledge.  Now, 
if  there  are  deformed  physical  bodies,  there  are  deformed 
minds  of  a  monstrous  order.  But  we  don't  find  physicians 
as  ready  to  operate  on  them,  gratis.  There  don't  seem  to 
be  so  much  fun  and  money  in  this  class  of  doctoring.  It 
being  rather  out  of  our  latitude  to  discuss  at  length  this 
thing,  we  will  leave  it  to  Madame  Junk,  who  will  be  sure  to 
tell  you  that  when  we  are  born  right,  and  we  attain  a  proper 
knowledge  of  the  proper  way  to  care  for  our  physical  struc 
tures,  we  shall  have  no  more  mental  monstrosities  born  to 


SHE    MUST   SLEEP    WITH    ONE    EYE    OPEN.        39! 

us.  Notwithstanding  Madame  Junk's  confidence  in  the 
power  of  love  and  kindness,  and  her  ability  to  reform  all 
bad  people,  she  instinctively  shrank  from  Mrs.  Pictpink. 
She  had  ever  associated  her  with  Joel's  dream.  She  had 
not  this  feeling  toward  the  old  man.  If  he  were  alone,  she 
would  never  have  any  fears  regarding  herself  or  the  safety 
of  the  Reformatory  Home.  Madame  Junk  should  not  for 
get  that  there  are  those  who  do  not  forget  an  injury  or  a 
supposed  one. 

Years  ago,  Madame  Junk  had  been  the  cause  of  breaking 
in  upon  the  thieves'  den  of  which  this  old  woman  was  the 
general-in-chief ;  a  den  she  started  herself  and  kept  running, 
and  that,  too,  in  the  face  and  eyes  of  the  municipal  authori 
ties.  This  woman  thought  she  might  have  this  place  now, 
but  for  Madame  Junk.  If  the  Lord  had  sent  Madame 
Junk  to  rout  out  his  Satanic  majesty  (and  she  believed  he 
had),  why,  his  Satanic  majesty  would  do  as  he  had  done 
before — rebel  against  heaven.  Madame  Junk's  fears  were 
heightened  by  Larry  O 'Doodle,  for  he  was  hinting  from 
time  to  time  that  this  woman  could  not  be  trusted.  To 
use  his  own  words : 

"  'Tis  not  meself  that  will  ba  after  saying  a  word  agin  a 
woman's  being  born  agin;  but,  Misthress  Punks,  slape  wid 
one  eye  open !" 

Usually  after  these  conversations  with  Larry  O'Doodle, 
Madame  Junk  prayed  longer,  louder  and  more  frequently. 
We  believe  that  these  prayers  did  protect  her. 

Larry  O'Doodle's  attention  being  diverted  by  learning  to 
read,  seemed  to  act  as  a  medicinal  remedy  on  the  small  of 
his  back  and  his  stomach.  Three  good  baths  per  week, 
good  clean  food  and  clothes,  with  the  society  of  companion 
able  Christian  women,  seemed  to  work  wonders  in  this  man. 
Even  our  practical,  hard-working  Kate,  could  find  no  fault 
with  him.  When  Larry  saw  how  things  grew  where  he  had 
planted  the  seed,  he  seemed  as  ambitious  as  if  the  five  acres 
were  his  own  little  farm.  Three  times  a  week  Mrs.  Glewer 


392  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

rode  out  and  walked  over  the  ground  with  Larry  O'Doodle, 
who  was  likely  to  become  superintendent,  so  much  was  he 
learning  to  love  labor.  No  one  would  recognize  in  this 
stalwart,  supple-limbed,  rosy-cheeked  Irishman,  the  poor 
old  woman  who  sat  upon  the  streets  with  a  visor  over  her 
eyes  and  a  placard  on  her  bosom,  on  which  was  written, 
"  Help  the  blind  " — and  yet  it  is  the  very  same. 

It  was  Kate  who  taught  the  man,  who  had  never  done  an 
honest  day's  work  in  all  his  life,  how  to  use  all  farming  im 
plements,  and  how  to  till  the  soil.  Many  a  man,  far  better 
educated  than  Larry  O'Doodle,  would  not  object  to  having 
a  handsome  woman  ride  horse  for  him  to  plow.  This  Kate 
did  one  day  for  at  least  an  hour;  but  it  was  to  teach  a  boy 
who  was  likely  to  have  the  horse  step  on  every  hill  of  beans 
in  the  garden.  Kate  was  so  indignant  that  she  mounted  the 
horse  herself,  to  the  no  small  amusement  of  some  fashion 
ables  who  were  visiting  the  Home.  In  that  hour  Larry 
O'Doodle  grew  proud,  and  stepped  high  over  the  furrows. 
He  almost  thought  that  when  he  got  to  heaven  he  should 
be  the  only  man-representative  there. 

"  Mr.  O'Doodle,  that  is  the  way  you  should  cultivate 
beans."  It  was  the  first  time  he  ever  was  called  Mr. 
O'Doodle  in  his  life.  Madame  Junk  usually  called  him 
Larry,  as  did  Miss  Blessing,  who  had  triumphantly  taken 
him  through  the  multiplication  table,  as  Kate  had  through 
the  beans. 

Another  inmate  of  the  Reformatory  Home  was  the  poor 
Old  Hermit  of  the  Mountains,  who  had  grown  quite  imbe 
cile,  and  totally  unable  to  do  the  least  thing  but  eat.  Be 
tween  meals  he  devoted  his  time  to  calling  all  female-kind 
"devils,  snakes,  devils,  everyone  of  'em;  they  wind  and 
wind,  and  bite  and  bite,  and  kill  and  kill,  until  we  are  dead." 
Larry  O'Doodle  thought  there  was  some  malice  in  this,  and 
that,  by  good  rights,  the  old  man  should  receive  some  slight 
punishment  for  it.  For  his  part,  he  looked  upon  women  as 
angels,  and,  what  was  more,  some  of  them  could  ride  horses 
and  cultivate  beans. 


MADAME    JUNK    AMUSED    HIM.  393 

It  had  been  observed  that  Mr.  Stanly  was  taking  a  lively 
interest  in  this  Home  for  reforming  humanity.  He  was  seen 
to  ride  out  more  frequently  than  an  ordinary  visitor  should. 
It  is  just  possible  he  is  going  into  the  cultivation  of  beans. 
In  that  case  he  will  require  lessons,  for  he  never  raised  a 
hill  in  his  life.  True,  Madame  Junk  amused  him  greatly. 
But  no  man  of  dignity — and  Mr.  Stanly  was  a  gentleman  of 
dignity — would  spend  all  his  time,  or  half  of  it,  in  amuse 
ment.  At  all  events  Mr.  Stanly's  frequent  visits  to  the 
Home  had  the  effect  of  making  Miss  Busy  look  several  years 
older.  Her  mouth  lowered  at  the  corners,  and  the  lines 
became  hard  and  set,  and  the  two  husbands  were  now  a 
fixture,  that,  even  in  the  event  of  a  living  real  one,  would 
refuse  to  budge  from  between  her  eyes,  where  they  had  in 
earlier  times  showed  a  willingness  to  surrender  for  any  kind 
of  a  reasonable  offer. 

Miss  Busy  was  too  much  of  a  lady  to  speak  out  what  she 
thought  in  regard  to  some  things.  So  we  will  take  the  liberty 
to  speak  her  thoughts  for  her.  She  could  not  understand 
how  a  cultivated  English  gentleman  could  be  so  taken  with 
a  plebeian  American.  She  was  sure  that  the  men  in  her 
country  were  not  taken  with  a  comely  face.  A  lady  must 
be  refined,  cultivated,  and  of  a  good  family,  before  a  gentle 
man  would  be  willing  to  pay  so  much  attention  as  Mr.  Stanly 
was  giving  Mrs.  Catharine  Glewer. 


CHAPTEK    XLVI. 

EDUCATED  IN  GENERALITIES-DISCUSSION  BETWEEN 
FATHER  AND  SON. 

JOEL  had  been  admitted  to  the  bar,  and  was  one  of  the 
most  promising  young  lawyers  in  the  country.  In 
one  sense  he  was  a  fair  representative  of  American  men. 
He  was  quiet  and  cool — uttered  no  words  that  were  not 
thoughts.  He  was  the  American  type  of  man  in  versatility. 
The  people  of  the  Old  "World  confine  themselves  to  one 
trade  or  one  profession;  they  give  years  of  study  to  it;  they 
know  it  well;  their  whole  life  is  given  to  one  object.  Of 
course  they  succeed.  They  tell  us  Americans  that  we  never 
half  learn  anything.  We  deny  the  charge.  "We  learn  to 
have  more  than  one  idea,  and  learn  it  well.  We  have  so 
much  work  to  do  that  we  cannot  give  all  our  time  to  one 
thought.  We  are  willing  to  pay  a  liberal  salary  to  foreigners 
who  have  devoted  a  life  to  one  trade  or  profession;  but  our 
men  are  versatile.  Our  vast  continent  requires  men  of  large 
calibre — as  vast  as  the  continent  itself.  WTe  are  educated 
to  theories  through  practice.  We  solve  our  problems  by 
setting  them  in  motion,  and  then  are  condemned  by  foreign 
nations  for  knowing  nothing  well.  We  may  be  behind 
Europe  in  sciences  and  art;  but  in  practical,  thorough-going, 
get-up-and-dust  work,  we  are  not  to  be  outdone. 

Joel  had  taken  up  the  profession  of  law,  but  while  he  had 
done  this  his  mind  was  ever  active  upon  other  things.  His 
mind  was  interested  in  the  governmental  situation  of  our 
country.  He  looked  at  the  weeds  that  needed  pulling;  he 
saw  a  corrupt  state  of  things;  he  saw  the  honest  and  dis- 
(394) 


A    YOUNG    MAN    WITHOUT   EXPERIENCE.         395 

honest  men  all  thrown  into  one  caldron;  he  saw  amid  our 
great  governmental  chaos  that  the  innocent  must  suffer 
alike  with  the  guilty,  and  he  resolved  never  to  be  a  party- 
man.  He  would  ever  cast  his  vote  for  the  honest,  capable, 
trustworthy  man.  In  the  long  warm  discussions  which  were 
held  between  Mr.  Roen  Fletcher  and  his  son  over  the  politi 
cal  outlook  of  our  country,  the  old  gentleman  was  wont  to 
say: 

"  You  are  a  young  man,  and  lack  that  experience  which 
must  teach  you  that  the  man  with  the  largest  sympathetic 
feelings  is  not  the  man  to  rule.  The  ruler  must  allow  no 
sympathy  to  come  in.  Nothing  but  justice  and  judgment 
can  guide  us  in  matters  pertaining  to  government/' 

"When  men,"  replied  Joel,  "  seek  the  confidence  of  the 
people,  and  by  being  elected  to  high  places,  is  it  not  their 
duty  to  study  the  best  interests  of  the  people  ?  " 

"Yes,  most  certainly;  but  that  man  must  allow  his  best 
judgment  to  decide  what  is  for  the  best  interest  of  the  peo 
ple.  He  cannot  allow  the  undisciplined  minds  of  the  riff 
raff  to  decide  momentous  questions." 

"But,"  said  Joel,  "  dees  ho  not,  in  nine  cases  out  of  ten, 
go  in  with  an  express  understanding  of  the  requirements  of 
the  people  whom  he  represents,  and  who  have  elected  him?  " 

"Frequently  it  is  the  case;  however,  I  claim  that  the 
people  who  choose  a  man  to  represent  them  should  have 
confidence  in  that  man;  for  it  is  impossible  to  understand  a 
question  of  moment  until  we  have  heard  it  from  other  stand 
points  than  our  own." 

"  Sir,  your  logic  would  deprive  us  as  an  individual  people 
of  breathing  from  our  own  lungs  or  standing  on  our  own 
legs.  It  would  not  be  a  representative  government  if  we 
should  be  governed  by  a  few  rulers  who,  believe  me,  in  time 
would  grow  as  despotic  as  any  that  reign  now  in  the  Old 
World.  Has  this  undisciplined,  uneducated  mass  of  hard 
working  people  a  right  to  ask  a  fair  return  for  the  taxation 
which  is  imposed  upon  them  to  support  these  so-called  rep- 


396  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND   JOE. 

resentatives  ?  I  cannot  see,  Sir,  republican  free  thought  in 
such  a  course  as  this." 

"  I  have  the  pleasure  of  believing  that  you  are  at  least 
honest  in  your  convictions.  I  think  that  whatever  position 
you  take  in  the  political  world  will  be  from  your  highest 
sense  of  right." 

"Well,  Sir,  if  we  agree  upon  no  other  subject,  I  hope  we 
agree  upon  this  one :  If  a  man  follows  his  highest  sense  of 
right,  nothing  more  can  be  expected  of  him  either  by  God 
or  man.  My  cheek  tingles  with  shame  when  I  hear  foreign 
ers  bandy  disgraceful  truths  about  our  Nation  which  I  can 
not  refute.  If  the  history  of  these  United  States  be  true, 
the  old-time  fire  has  burnt  out,  and  left  us  naught  but  ashes. 
The  zeal  that  was  shown  by  Webster  and  Clay  no  longer 
lives." 

"But  they  were  far  from  being  right,  even  from  your 
stand  point." 

"Yes,  but  they  deemed  themselves  so.  Such  a  thing  as 
a  man's  working  with  honest  intentions  nowadays  (at  all 
events  when  he  has  any  public  work  to  do),  is  a  thing  un 
heard  of." 

"That  is  a  sweeping  assertion.  Maybe  you  will  honor 
me  by  naming. some  whom  you  look  upon  with  favor." 

" Certainly,"  replied  Joel.  "We  know,  and  the  world 
knows,  that  Senator  Sumner  came  as  near  a  model  as  any 
one  of  the  later-day  Senators.  Still  I  am  not  prepared  to 
swallow'  all  he  set  forth.  My  deep  and  sincere  admiration 
of  the  man  has  not  blinded  me  to  what  seem  to  me  weak 
points." 

"  Well,  young  man,  that  is  but  a  drop  in  the  bucket.  Are 
there  no  others  ?" 

"  As  regards  his  being  a  drop  in  the  bucket,  he  seems  to 
me  to  have  been  a  bucket  of  himself.  He  was  a  spontaneous 
fountain,  ever  sending  forth  bright  crystal  truths.  If  now 
and  then  a  grain  of  sand  was  thrown  up  in  the  mighty  up 
heaval,  it  is  but  in  the  nature  of  things.  The  highest  laws 


AT   LIBERTY    TO    STARVE    AT    HOME.  397 

or  rules  that  have  been  revealed  to  us,  and  which  constitute 
a  true  republican  form  of  government,  have  not  been  at 
tained.  They  have  not  been  carried  out  for  the  want  of 
honest  and  faithful  men." 

"Young  man,  you  partially  admit  that  some  have  tried?" 

"  Yes,  Sir;  but  what  are  two  or  three  men  against  an 
army  ?" 

"  True;  but  if  they  are  the  generals  you  make  them  out, 
they  should  command  the  army." 

"  Not  unless  the  law  appoints  them  to  that  command/' 
replied  Joel. 

"  So  you  are  a  sort  of  a  reconstructionist  ?  You  would 
build  up  an  entire  new  platform,  and  have  a  new  people." 

"  You  will  admit,  Sir,  that  we  are  in  need  of  reform  in 
our  government." 

' '  Parties  must  combine  before  a  great  change  can  be 
wrought." 

"  But  individuals  can  do  much,"  replied  Joel.  "  If  you 
and  I,  and  every  other  man  who  is  capable  of  work,  sit  by, 
and  wait  for  these  parties  to  combine,  we  shall  never  have  a 
better  state  of  things.  What  we  want  is  sturdy  men,  who 
will  put  their  hands  to  the  plow,  and  never  look  back — men 
who  are  honest,  and  do  not  work  for  self-aggrandizement." 

"  Young  man,  you  will  make  an  eloquent  stump-speaker, 
to  wake  up  the  ignorant,  sleepy  masses  to  the  disagreeable 
condition  of  our  public  affairs;  for  in  the  interior  of  our 
country  the  people  are  sadly  in  need  of  enlightenment." 

' '  Much  to  our  discredit,  they  flaunt  their  ignorance  in  the 
faces  of  foreign  nations,"  said  Joel.  "Not  long  since,  I 
was  much  amused  to  hear  an  Englishman  relate  his  expe 
rience.  '  Why/  says  a  Yankee  to  him,  '  ain't  you  glad  you 
come  to  this  'ere  glorious  land  of  liberty?'  At  the  same 
time  said  the  Englishman,  '  I  was  as  hard  up  as  I  could  be 
— no  money,  not  enough  to  eat,  and  poor  clothes.'  He  said 
he  had  made  up  his  mind  that  he  could  not  live  on  liberty 
alone.  He  was  at  liberty  to  starve  in  his  own  country. 


39 8  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND   JOE. 

The  only  difference  in  the  liberty  that  he  could  discover  was 
that  ours  was  glorious  liberty,  and  his  was  a  liberty  minus 
the  glorious.  For  years  and  years  he  had  been  prompt  in 
his  attendance  at  the  Fourth  of  July  orations.  He  was 
trying  to  find  the  glor}r.  He  had  heard  the  Declaration  of 
Independence  so  frequently  that  he  had  every  word  by 
heart. 

""Well,  young  man,  education  will  do  away  with  that." 

"Yes,  Sir;  in  some  degree.  The  attempt  to  make  the 
Stars  and  Stripes  do  the  work,  accompanied  by  Fourth  of 
July  orations,  will  scarcely  pass  muster.  Why,  Sir,  the 
greater  part  of  America  think  if  they  run  up  the  Stars  and 
Stripes  that  it  means  liberty,  and  nothing  more  is  required 
to  maintain  a  Republican  Government.  It  is  a  burlesque 
on  liberty.  There  is  a  vulgarity  about  it  which  is  offensive 
to  every  intelligent  man  and  woman.  If  you  wish  to  per 
petuate  a  fraud,  do  it  up  in  the  American  flag,  and  you  will 
scarce  find  one  audacious  enough  to  peep  in;  that  would 
be  desecration;  therefore,  I  say,  and  say  it  openly,  that  the 
American  flag  does  more  dirty  work  than  any  flag  in  all  the 
world." 

"Young  man,  this  may  do  to  speak  in  private,  but  not  in 
public." 

"  If  I  speak  in  public  at  all,  I  shall  speak  my  mind  as 
freely  as  I  have  spoken  it  to  you." 

"  Then  you  will  not  succeed." 

"  I  shall  succeed  in  speaking  what  I  conceive  to  be  true, 
and  that  is  all  I  aspire  to  say,"  said  Joel,  walking  awa}r. 


CHAPTER   XLYII. 

VIEWS   ON   MARRIAGE  —  MISS   JOSEPHINE    BLESSING 
TEACHES  MRS.  PICTPINK  TO  READ. 

GOSSIPS  were  now  busy  conjecturing  what  the  result 
would  be  of  Mr.  Stanly's  attention  to  the  handsome 
Widow  Glewer.  It  requires  no  great  stretch  of  the  imagina 
tion  to  see  that  it  means  a  fond  regard  and  honorable  mar 
riage,  with  a  high  social  position  for  a  beautiful  woman. 
True,  there  were  those  who  were  uncanny  enough  to  say, 
"That  was  the  way  with  the  world.  "When  a  man  died, 
leaving  a  wealthy  widow,  she  would  have  no  difficulty  in 
getting  a  second  husband."  The  more  sympathetic  ones 
said:  "  Poor,  dear,  dead  man!  To  toil  like  a  slave  all  his 
life  and  leave  his  hard  earnings  for  other  folks."  A  deep- 
drawn  sigh  usually  accompanied  this  sentence;  and  to  the 
sigh  was  added,  "  Yes,  yes,  out  of  sight  out  of  mind." 

"We  can  say,  and  say  truly,  that  Kate  Glewer  never  lived 
until  now.  Life  wore  a  new  aspect.  It  is  just  possible  that 
she  had  been  born  again.  All  her  soul  was  alive  to  new 
thoughts  and  new  sympathies.  Her  hard,  practical,  resolute 
demand  for  just  returns  from  the  inmates  of  the  Reforma 
tory  Home,  were  fast  giving  way  to  the  softer  and  more 
womanly  nature  which  had  so  long  lain  dormant.  So  it  is 
that  woman  grows  masculine,  when  necessity  or  chance 
calls  her  into  manly  pursuits.  Kate  was  no  Amazon,  save 
what  necessity  had  made  her.  She  had  led  the  way  up  a 
practical  business  height,  and  bade  her  adopted  son,  George 
Gregory  Glewer,  follow.  She  hoped  and  confidently  be 
lieved  that  she  should  place  him  at  the  head  of  his  father's 

(  399) 


4OO  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

business,  and  then — to  speak  after  the  manner  of  men — 
she  would  lay  back  on  her  oars.  She  was  not  ambitious  to 
be  set  clown  in  the  directory  as  Mrs.  Catharine  Glewer, 
Hardware  Merchant,  Stone  Street,  No.  34.  No !  no !  Catha 
rine  Glewer  was  no  female  business  swell. 

If  Kate  had  no  great  admiration  for  this  boy  in  his  in 
fancy,  she  had  affection  for  him  now,  and  that  affection  was 
returned.  Few  own  mothers  are  such  mothers.  To  give 
birth  to  an  offspring  is  not  the  only  thing  required  to  make 
a  mother;  in  reality,  that  is  the  smallest  part  of  the  job.  It 
is  a  small  beginning  of  a  great  undertaking.  Thus  Kate 
reasoned  with  herself.  She  had  picked  up  this  small  pat 
tern  of  a  plan  and  was  working  it  out,  carrying  it  from 
infancy  to  manhood,  taking  upon  herself  all  its  burdens. 
We  would  ask,  then,  who  is  the  mother?  She  is  the  mother 
ordained  by  God.  He  has  intrusted  to  her  keeping  one  of 
the  lambs  from  His  flock. 

If  Madame  Junk  and  Kate  did  not  agree  upon  all  points, 
there  was  certainly  the  closest  friendship  upon  this  one — 
that  the  soul  is  the  most  valuable  of  all  gems.  Madame 
Junk  was  wont  to  exclaim,  with  upraised  forefinger :  "Great 
God!  there  is  nothing  in  Thy  universe  that  is  so  bartered 
as  the  human  soul.  Thy  gems  wThich  Thou  hast  made  in 
Thy  own  image  are  as  naught;  and  the  dross  of  this  world's 
gains  are  paramount  to  Thy  gems/5  When  some  unusual 
case  of  suffering  came  under  her  observation,  she  would 
pray  that  the  world  might  stand  still.  She  would  send  up 
an  express  plea  that  God  would  make  a  new  order  of  things; 
that  He  would  cast  no  more  pearls  before  swine;  and  that 
the  world  might  be  renovated,  cleansed,  purified,  and  that 
no  more  souls  should  be  given  as  a  sacrifice  to  the  god  of 
Mammon. 

Kate's  fervency  and  belief  in  the  power  of  God  did  not 
carry  her  quite  to  this  point.  She  did  not  think  that  God 
could  adjust  things  in  this  way,  but  that  society  could  do 
much  to  make  a  better  state  of  things.  She  would  have 


EVEN    LARRY    WAS    DECEIVED.  40 1 

marriages  restricted  by  law.  In  other  important  affairs 
relating  to  life,  we  are  required  to  give  security;  i.  e.,  any 
important  public  place  of  trust  the  public  demands  to  be 
secured.  And  what  more  important  place  of  trust  is  there 
than  that  of  the  marriage  relation  ?  Before  a  young  man 
can  enter  college,  he  must  pass  an  examination;  and  before 
lie  enters  marriage  he  should  possess  himself  of  a  certain 
sum  of  money,  thereby  insuring  the  public  that  he  can 
care  for  the  souls  that  may  be  given  him.  She  thought  if 
society  would  regulate  this,  they  would  be  doing  a  good 
thing. 

Larry  O'Doodle  and  Jonas  Pictpink  and  lady  were  booked 
at  the  Reformatory  Home.  Larry  and  Jonas  grew,  as  did 
the  cabbage-heads  that  were  planted  in  the  garden  of  the 
Home.  They  began  gathering  up  their  forces,  folding  their 
leaves,  and  day  by  day  grew  more  sound  in  head.  If  we 
make  a  like  comparison  for  the  woman  we  shall  say  she 
belongs  to  that  species  of  cabbage  with  a  few  outside  coarse 
leaves  that  are  of  no  earthly  use,  and  would  be  sure  death 
to  a  cow  were  she  to  eat  above  one  leaf. 

Madame  Junk  had  never  enjoyed  one  comfortable  day  or 
night  since  that  woman  made  application  to  enter  the  king 
dom  of  heaven.  Strong  as  Madame  Junk's  faith  was,  she 
had  her  doubts  about  ever  running  this  woman  through  on 
her  line.  There  was  ever  an  instinctive  feeling  of  dread 
whenever  this  woman  approached  her.  This  creature  never 
appeared  to  notice  anything.  Those  who  seem  to  observe 
the  least  observe  the  most.  No  one  came  or  went  that  she 
was  not  cognizant  of.  She  learned  the  names  of  all,  who 
they  visited,  and  if  they  were  rich  or  poor.  The  keen  eye 
of  Larry  O'Doodle  was  on  the  watch  like  a  faithful  hound. 
He  had  pledged  his  word  to  Larry  O'Doodle  that  he  would 
protect  Misthress  Junks  with  his  life.  As  days  grew  into 
•weeks  and  weeks  into  months,  and  there  was  no  apparent 
sign  of  aDything  wrong,  even  Larry  was  deceived  and  grew 
less  guarded. 
26 


4O2  MADAME    JANE    JUNK   AND   JOE. 

Those  who  observed  the  subdued  ways  of  this  woman 
thought  Madame  Junk  had  wrought  a  miracle  in  reforming 
a  woman  that  seemed  past  reform.  The  press  was  loud  in 
its  praise,  and  cited  this  instance  of  what  could  be  done  with 
bad  people,  and  what  should  be  done.  The  more  confident 
editors  went  so  far  as  to  say,  that  the  time  was  fast 
approaching  when  we  should  require  no  jails,  no  prisons; 
and  in  fact  they  wrote  Madame  Junk  up  as  little  short  of  a 
saint.  Here  was  a  woman  who  had  devoted  her  life  and 
her  fortune  to  erect  a  home  to  fit  souls  for  heaven.  What 
editor  would  be  mean  enough  to  say  a  word  against  that  ? 
Besides,  she  had  friends  that  were  wealthy  and  influential. 
Miss  Josephine  Blessing  had  taught  Mrs.  Pictpink  to 
read  and  write.  No  student  at  Yale  College  ever  devoted 
himself  with  greater  zeal  than  did  this  woman.  Miss  Bless 
ing  was  greatly  encouraged  with  this  pupil,  so  eagerly  did 
she  devour  every  letter  in  the  alphabet,  and  then  set  herself 
to  form  the  characters  after  Miss  Blessing's  hand.  She 
was  not  long  in  learning  to  write  so  that  she  could  read  it 
herself,  and  believed  others  could.  She  could  spell  short 
words  correctly;  before  long  she  began  writing  "  dictations,'" 
and  it  was  really  surprising  how  fast  she  advanced. 

Such  garden  vegetables  as  were  not  consumed  (the  eggs, 
etc.)  were  sold  to  purchase  other  necessary  things  for  the 
Home.  Larry  O 'Doodle  had  usually  transacted  the  business 
of  going  to  town  and  selling  these.  Madame  Junk  had 
made  it  a  rule  that  a  strict  account  must  be  kept  of  all  the 
money  paid  out  and  taken  in.  It  was  with  no  small  degree 
of  pride  that  Larry  O'Doodle  set  out  every  week  with  the 
one-horse  wagon  loaded  with  cabbage,  turnips  and  beautiful 
beans.  When  he  served  his  customers  with  beans,  he  made 
use  of  the  word  "beautiful;"  for  it  reminded  him  of  who 
taught  him  to  grow  them.  His  note-book  was  placed  in  his 
pocket  within  easy  reach,  and  all  the  little  outgoings  and 
incomings  were  written  down  in  detail.  The  small  account 
covered  a  great  sheet  of  paper.  Larry  O'Doodle  was  wont 


LARRY  O  DOODLE  AND  THE  NOTE-BOOK.   403 

to  close  one  eye  and  scan  this  book  with  much  self-compla 
cency.  This  man's  growing  ambition  for  knowledge  was  a 
miracle.  He  began  to  talk  of  P.  M.  and  A.  M.  until  they 
actually  became  confused,  and  not  a  few  of  his  customers 
did  not  know  at  all  what  he  meant.  If  he  did  not  come  at 
A.  M.,  he  would  without  doubt  be  there  at  P.  M.  In  this 
way  Larry  O'Doodle  seemed  a  man  of  letters.  Madame 
Junk  began  to  fear  that  the  inmates  might  look  upon  this 
favoritism  with  jealous  eyes.  She  was  studying  how  she 
could  show  them  attention  that  would  be  equivalent  to  that 
she  was  showing  Larry  O'Doodle.  This  woman,  who  had 
been  so  good  and  industrious,  was  most  certainly  entitled  to 
a  holiday.  Should  she  let  her  ride  to  town  on  a  load  of 
cabbage,  beside  Larry  ? 

After  considering  a  while,  Madame  Junk  concluded  that 
Mrs.  Pictpink  should  accompany  Larry  O'Doodle  to  town. 
Madame  Junk  would  intrust  Mrs.  Pictpink  to  purchase 
crash  toweling  of  a  coarse  quality;  for  in  this  Home  for  re 
forming  humanity  it  was  necessary  that  the  blood  should 
circulate  freely.  So  when  Two-hundred-and-fifty  was  re 
quested  (Madame  Junk  never  demanded)  to  ride  to  the  city 
beside  Larry  O'Doodle,  and  purchase  crash  toweling,  she 
was  not  a  little  surprised  and  pleased.  A  wild  animal  that 
has  long  been  caged,  when  it  gets  out  is  inclined  to  run  to 
its  own  native  haunts;  but  force  of  habit  and  starvation  may 
bring  it  back  again.  Two-fifty  is  not  going  to  run  into  the 
woods  until  she  makes  sure  there  is  something  to  eat  and 
drink  there,  and  a  place  to  sleep. 


CHAPTEE   XLYIIT. 

PRODUCE  FROM  FIVE  ACRES— MISS  BUSY'S  CHAGRIN— 
THE  AMERICAN  GIRL— ABSURD  NOTIONS— WEAK 
POINTS— A  CURIOUS  PLACE— TWO  BEANS— A  NEW 
APPLICANT— A  GARDEN  IN  HE  A  YEN. 

MR.  STANLY  was  about  to  lead  Mrs.  Glewer  to  the 
altar.  The  first  real  sentiment  of  the  woman's 
heart  played  upon  her  face,  causing  it  to  wear  a  girlish  ex 
pression.  Miss  Busy  thought  her  countryman  falling  into 
disgrace  by  marrying  a  tradesman's  widow.  What  did  he 
mean — a  man  who  might  marry  any  lady  in  England?  This 
unsophisticated  American  woman,  who  had  never  mingled 
in  the  first  society,  and  the  adopted  mother  of  her  late  hus 
band's  illegitimate  son!  What  was  the  man  thinking  of? 
Perhaps  he  did  not  know  it.  Ought  not  some  friend  to  tell 
him  before  it  was  too  late  ?  Thus  Miss  Busy  reasoned  with 
herself.  Sternna  must  see  how  inappropriate  such  a  match 
would  be.  Miss  Busy  would  speak  to  the  young  lady  about 
it,  and  she  had  no  doubt  the  young  lady  wrould  reason  with 
Mr.  Stanly. 

"It  is  reported/'  said  Miss  Busy  one  day  to  Sternna, 
"  that  Mr.  Stanly  is  about  to  marry  the  "Widow  Glewer." 

"  I  have  so  understood,"  replied  Miss  Sternna. 

Miss  Busy  hemmed  and  hawed  looked  out  of  the  window, 
and  ventured  to  remark: 

"  Do  yon  think  he  quite  understands  her  position,  soci 
ally?" 

"How  socially?"  said  Sternna.  "That  she  is  not  a 
(404) 


ARISTOCRATIC    COMMON    SENSE.  405 

woman  who  courts  favor  and  devotes  her  life  to  the  fashion 
able  world?" 

"  No/  not  that;  but  her  origin  is  obscure.  She  was  the 
daughter  of  a  tradesman,  and  is  the  widow  of  one." 

"  "What  has  that  to  do  with  the  woman?" 

' '  I  should  think  it  would  have  much  to  do  with  a  gentle 
man  of  Mr.  Stanly' s  aristocratic  lineage." 

"Well,  it  does  not  seem  to  disturb  his  aristocratic  com 
mon  sense;  and  as  long  as  that  is  not  disturbed,  they  will 
get  along  very  well." 

"  Then  you  approve  of  the  match,  do  you?" 

"  I  approve  of  it  if  Mr.  Stanly  does.  I  have  perfect  con 
fidence  in  his  judgment,  and  do  not  think  he  would  make 
an  unwise  selection  of  a  wife." 

"  Do  you  think  he  has  heard  about  George  ?" 

"  I  cannot  say;  but  I  think  if  he  had  it  would  make  no 
difference  with  a  man  of  his  sound  judgment.  I  think  he 
would  honor  his  affianced  bride  all  the  more  if  he  knew  it. 
Mrs.  Glewer  is  a  rare  specimen  of  a  woman.  She  is  gifted 
and  very  beautiful;  and,  if  I  judge  from  my  own  observa 
tion,  I  know  of  no  one  who  I  think  would  make  him  so 
happy  as  Catharine  Glewer.  Mr.  Stanly  is  a  man  of  far 
too  much  dignity  to  allow  society  to  snub  the  woman  whom 
he  has  honored  with  the  title  of  wife.  Although  Mr.  Stanly 
is  an  Englishman,  he  is  too  true  a  gentleman  not  to  make 
room  for  his  wife  by  his  side." 

Miss  Busy  retired  from  the  field.  The  two  husbands 
came  forth  in  bold  relief  between  the  eyes.  The  last  hope 
expired  with  Miss  Sternna's  defense  of  Mr.  Stanly's  matri 
monial  intentions.  It  is  to  be  regretted,  for  Miss  Busy  has 
seen  very  few  men  she  would  marry,  and  up  to  the  present 
time  none  who  would  marry  her. 

Our  good  mother,  Mrs.  Mayo,  is  in  a  state  of  alarm  about 
her  son  Albert's  health.  He  has  lost  his  appetite;  he  looks 
white  about  the  mouth;  his  old  jovial  happy-go-lucky  ways 
have  departed;  he  seems  forever  dreaming.  None  of  his 


406  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

family  are  able  to  conjecture  what  the  matter  is.  Old  folks 
are  mighty  apt  to  forget  the  time  when  they  were  in  love, 
and  could  not  eat.  They  won't  understand  it,  and,  if  they 
do,  it  looks  silly  to  them.  In  his  usual  characteristic  way 
of  doing  business,  he  had  loved  Sternna.  He  had  wooed 
her,  had  offered  her  his  hand  and  heart,  only  to  be  told  by 
that  young  lady  that  she  never  intended  to  marry  any  one; 
that  she  was  wedded  to  her  art;  that  she  liked  him,  and  even 
admired  his  general  character,  but  could  never  love  him  well 
enough  to  become  his  wife.  None  but  Carrie  and  Joel  held 
the  secret.  Sternna  would  go  to  Scotland  with  her  "  Douce 
David  Deans,"  and  her  return  to  America  was  uncertain. 

"  You  will  find  another  who  will  make  you  far  happier 
than  I  could.  My  life  is  so  selfish  that  I  could  not  devote 
that  attention  which  a  husband  has  a  right  to  demand.  We 
should  be  careful  not  to  assume  responsibilities  we  are  not 
willing  to  fill.  There  are  times  when  I  feel  the  need  of  a 
strong  arm  to  lean  on — the  kind  counsel  of  a  loving  guide; 
such  a  one  as  I  know  you  would  be  to  me.  But  when  I  ask 
myself  what  I  have  to  give  you  in  return,  I  cannot  say  it  is 
an  undivided  heart.  No,  Albert,  you  must  have  a  wife  who 
will  make  home  your  heaven;  one  who  will  share  your  joys 
and  sorrows,  as  I  could  not;  one  who  has  no  world  peopled 
with  imaginary  beings,  like  that  in  which  an  artist  lives; 
one  whose  brain  is  not  peopled  with  a  legion  of  phantoms 
clamoring  to  take  shape." 

Albert  thought  that  a  small  share  of  her  heart  was  worth 
far  more  than  a  whole  one  of  any  other  woman's. 

Madame  Junk  had  purchased  a  horse,  or  rather  a  mare, 
for  the  services  of  the  Home.  This  mare  she  had  named 
after  the  famous  trotter  "American  Girl."  Not  for  the  vir 
tue  of  trotting  had  she  given  the  mare  this  name,  but  be 
cause  American  Girl  had  a  three  thousand  dollar  monument 
erected  to  her  memory,  a  thing  which  Madame  Junk  re 
gretted;  for  she  thought  that  three  thousand  dollars  would 
go  a  long  way  toward  helping  the  poor.  So  it  was  that  this 


REMEMBER,    SIX   YARDS    OF    CRASH.  407 

mare  was  called  American  Girl,  just  to  remind  the  world  of 
misapplied  charity. 

Larry  O'Doodle  had  just  finished  loading  the  one-horse 
wagon  with  vegetables.  The  cross-board  or  seat  was  laid 
quite  to  the  front  of  the  wagon,  and  if  the  horse  were  frac 
tious  too  near  its  tail  for  safety.  But  we  need  have  no  fear 
on  that  score,  for  the  American  Girl  is  as  gentle  a  beast  as 
ever  carried  a  load  of  cabbage  to  market.  Larry  had  placed 
an  old  shawl  over  the  seat  to  make  it  more  comfortable. 
Everything  seemed  to  be  in  order.  Madame  Junk  stood 
just  under  the  motto. 

"  Larry,  have  you  the  account-book?" 

"To  be  shure,  Misthress  Junks." 

"Well,  have  you  a  place  for  Mrs.  Pictpiuk  to  ride  safely  ?  " 

"I  have  a  bit  of  a  board  that  will  be  after  aching  before 
we  reach  the  town." 

Madame  Junk  turned  her  head  to  conceal  a  smile.  When 
she  looked  at  Larry  again  there  was  a  twinkle  in  her  eye, 
and  in  an  undertone  she  said:  "  Larry,  no  tricks  upon  trav 
elers."  At  that  moment,  Two-hundred-and-fifty  appeared 
upon  the  scene  of  action. 

Larry  laid  one  end  of  a  board  on  the  ground  while  the 
other  rested  on  the  fills,  and  he  worked  the  woman  up  as  he 
would  a  hogshead  of  honey,  by  moving  one  side  at  a  time. 
She  sat  down  on  the  bit  of  a  board,  which  sprung  so  much 
that  it  came  down  with  a  thud  and  split  one  of  Larry's 
largest  cabbage-heads.  Her  feet  were  hanging  over  the 
outside  and  in  close  proximity  to  the  mare's  tail.  Larry 
mounted  the  other  side  and  grasped  the  reins.  "Getup! 
That's  a  lady!"  said  Larry,  as  the  American  Girl  planted 
her  hind  feet  firmly  in  the  soil,  and  the  muscles  in  the  flanks 
came  out  strong  as  she  pulled  a  step  or  two,  and  then 
stopped.  A  little  caress  from  Larry's  whip  encouraged  her 
to  move  on  again.  Madame  Junk  shaded  her  eyes  with  her 
hand,  and  hallooed  after  them: 

"Beinernber,  Mrs.  Pictpink!  Six  yards  of  crash!" 


408  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND   JOE. 

Yes,  my  clear  Madame  Junk,  this  woman  will  bring  twice 
six  hundred  yards  of  crash;  but  whether  it  will  be  of  that 
quality  you  require,  I  cannot  promise.  This  woman's  head 
is  full  of  crash. 

Mr.  Spludge  had  begun  to  think  in  downiight  earnest 
about  a  helpmeet.  He  would  prefer  one  with  a  handsome 
dower,  and  with  education  enough  to  be  presentable  in  the 
first  circles,  and  withal,  good-looking;  at  all  events,  as  good- 
looking  as  himself — a  pair  of  plums  to  be  laid  away  upon 
a  shelf  to  dry.  But  a  lady  with  all  the  above-named  attrac 
tions  was  not  to  be  found;  and,  if  found,  would  she  be  will 
ing  to  become  the  wife  of  David  Delight  Spludge,  Esq., 
attorney-at-law  ?  True,  everything  was  in  his  favor,  except 
age  and  a  certain  withered  look,  which  had  a  tendency  to 
make  one  feel  that  the  man  was  in  a  rapid  decline.  How 
ever,  this  was  not  the  case;  all  those  puckers  about  the 
mouth  and  the  corners  of  the  eyes  were  words  written  in 
characters  legible  enough  to  the  acute  observer  of  human 
nature.  His  matrimonial  eye  had  for  some  time  been  on 
the  alert.  At  last  it  fell  on  Miss  Busy.  A  woman  who  had 
for  a  number  of  years  conducted  a  female  seminary,  and 
fitted  some  of  our  leading  young  ladies  for  the  highest 
•walks  in  life,  was  certainly  capable  of  taking  charge  of  one 
individual. 

Miss  Busy  is  a  true  Briton.  It  is  not  supposable  that  a 
plebeian  American  attorney  will  attempt  to  bring  into  sub 
jection  a  Briton  of  the  true  blue.  This  much  we  will  say: 
there  will  be  a  revolution  should  he  attempt  it. 

Two-huudred-and-fifty  purchased  the  crash  at  the  stand 
ard  price;  but  the  time  it  took  to  purchase  six  yards  of 
crash  very  much  surprised  Larry  O'Doodle.  He  had  waited 
two  hours  at  a  place  appointed,  and  Two-fifty  was  not  wad 
dling  up  yet.  The  American  Girl  was  weary  of  waiting, 
too.  She  switched  the  flies  spitefully  with  her  tail,  and 
was  mad  enough,  no  doubt,  to  give  Two-hundred-and-fifty  a 


SHE    GOT   THE    CRASH.  409 

switch  on  the  head  for  keeping-  her  waiting*  so  long.  But 
when  a  lady  has  crash  to  look  after,  no  one  should  be  un 
reasonable  enough  to  suppose  it  can  be  done  in  a  minute. 

Mrs.  Pictpink  wended  her  way  as  fast  as  possible  to  a 
narrow  street  leading  off  the  two  principal  streets.  She 
walked  on  until  she  came  in  front  of  a  low-looking  den. 
Over  the  door  was  written  "  Saloon."  There  was  no  win 
dow  in  front;  the  ceiling  was  low  and  hung  with  cobwebs. 
A  rough,  unplaned  board  served  as  counter.  Beside  the 
wall  were  two  shelves,  on  which  stood  a  few  black  bottles. 
"With  one  elbow  leaning  on  the  counter,  and  the  chin  rest 
ing  in  the  palm  of  his  hand,  stood  a  red  bloat.  We  say 
red,  because  he  had  red  hair,  a  red  face,  red  eyes,  and  a  red 
flannel  shirt.  He  could  scarcely  be  redder  if  he  had  been 
dipped  in  strong  cochineal  dye. 

As  Mrs.  Pictpink  stepped  over  the  door-sill,  he  gave  a 
little  start  and  his  face  wore  an  expression  of  awe,  as  if  this 
might  be  an  apparition  from  another  world. 

"  I  clinks  you  vas  inifc  heaven,"  said  the  man,  with  eyes 
protruding.  "  Vat  for  you  come  pack  ?" 

The  woman  pointed  to  a  bottle  on  the  shelf. 

"  Trink  mit  me  a  little;  I  am  dursty." 

The  man  set  down  two  greasy-looking  glass  mugs,  and 
turned  from  one  of  the  bottles  a  dark-looking  liquor,  filling 
them  to  the  brim.  Instantaneously  they  raised  the  mugs 
to  their  lips,  and  gave  one  long  pull,  one  strong  pull,  and 
one  pull  altogether,  and  drained  them  to  the  bottom.  The 
woman  was  the  first  to  set  her  mug  down.  She  wiped  her 
mouth  with  the  corner  of  her  shawl,  and  inquired  for  Mr. 
Splinter.  She  was  told  that  he  would  not  be  in  until  night. 

"  Veil,  den,  I  drust  you,"  and.  she  drew  from  her  pocket 
the  first  epistle  she  ever  indited.  "  Ven  Mr.  Sphlinter 
comes  pack  you  gives  clus  mit  yourself."  As  she  spoke  she 
placed  the  letter  in  the  man's  hand. 

He  looked  at  the  superscription,  which  was  in  great  round 
letters,  and  read  as  follows:  "  Tom  Splinter." 


4-IO  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"  Prings  you  dis  letter  by  heaven  ?" 

"  Veil,  I  did,"  drawled  the  woman;  "  und  der  devil  vants 
Tom  Sphlinter."  With  this  she  stepped  over  the  door  cleat, 
and  walked  away  as  fast  as  possible,  carrying  her  six  yards 
of  crash,  done  up  in  a  brown  paper,  under  her  left  arm. 

It  took  all  of  an  hour  for  her  to  walk  back  where  Larry 
O'Doodle  was  waiting.  He  was  sitting  on  the  cross-board, 
with  a  horrible  scowl  on  his  face,  and  the  American  Girl 
was  giving  sidelong  glances  in  every  direction,  as  much  as 
to  say,  "What  am  I  waiting  here  for?  I  want  to  go 
home." 

When  Larry  O'Doodle  saw  Two-fifty,  his  ire  softened. 
When  she  came  within  hailing  distance,  Larry  shouted, 

"  Have  you  the  crash?" 

She  came  up  wheezing  and  blowing,  and  stood  quite  a 
moment  to  catch  her  breath. 

"  Veil,  I  got  der  grash." 

"  'Tis  meself  that  could  be  buying  the  whole  town  while 
you  have  been  buying  that  bit  of  a  budget." 

"  Veil,  shust  you  see.  It  vas  mit  dish  sthore  und  mit  dat 
sthore,  und  mit  der  oder  sthore.  I  have  much  droubles  mit 
der  grash." 

This  was  the  story  she  told.  She  hoped  it  would  please 
Madame  Junk;  "  for  she  had  run  py  every  sthore  vat  vas 
mit  der  city."  In  this  statement  she  came  nearer  the  truth 
than  she  generally  did,  and  it  was  told  with  such  an  appar 
ent  show  of  innocence  that  Larry  O'Doodle  worked  her  up 
to  a  seat  just  behind  the  American  Girl  more  tenderly  than 
he  had  ever  done  before. 

"  Get  up!  that's  a  lady."  The  American  Girl,  being  re 
lieved  of  part  of  her  load  and  going  towards  home,  started 
into  quite  a  brisk  trot  that  was  scarcely  in  keeping  with  the 
strait  and  narrow  path  leading  to  heaven.  Two-fifty  kept 
one  corner  of  her  shawl  over  her  mouth  so  much  that  it 
caused  Larry  to  inquire  into  the  cause. 

The  American  Girl  seemed  to  be  inspired  with  a  degree 


THE    AMERICAN    GIRL    WANTED    HER    OATS.     41! 

of  enthusiasm  almost  equal  to  her  namesake  in  her  best 
days,  so  quickly  did  she  get  over  the  ground.  Her  speed 
"began  to  increase  as  she  neared  the  Home;  and  when  she 
whirled  into  the  gate  and  fetched  up  in  front  of  the  Re 
formatory  Home,  Madame  Junk  was  called  to  the  door  by 
the  rattle  of  the  cart-wheels,  almost  in  the  belief  that  this 
religious  horse  was  running  away.  She  was  at  the  door  in 
time  to  hear  Larry  O'Doodle  shout:  "Whoa!  whoa!"  in 
sonorous  tones.  "Whoa!  whoa!  That's  a  lady."  That's- 
a-lady  was  anxious  to  get  to  the  barn  and  have  something 
to  eat.  The  American  Girl  threw  up  her  head,  and  in  other 
ways  showed  resentment.  Two-fifty  was  afraid  of  tripping 
and  falling  on  her  nose,  which  would  have  been  sure  to  lay 
that  structure  flat. 

Madame  Junk  was  forced  to  take  the  reins  in  her  own 
hands.  She  moved  toward  the  American  Girl,  and  patted 
and  called  her  the  best  girl  living,  while  Larry  proceeded 
to  unload  the  cargo,  taking  Two-hundred-and-fifty  out  all 
at  once.  At  last  the  different  little  articles  being  set  down 
before  the  door,  the  American  Girl  was  led  away  to  her 
oats,  and  Madame  Junk  and  Two-fifty  retired  to  the  house 
to  examine  the  crash.  Two-fifty  was  loud  in  her  complaints 
about  having  to  run  hither  and  yon  for  it;  while  Madame 
Junk  held  it  up  to  the  light,  run  her  thumb  and  forefinger 
back  and  forth  a  few  times,  and  pronounced  it  the  right 
quality.  She  thought  it  would  likely  get  up  an  action  on 
the  surface  of  the  body;  and  we  think  so,  too. 

Mrs.  Pictpink  renewed  her  duties  at  the  Reformatory 
Home  with  redoubled  energy.  She  was  more  studious  than 
ever.  Having  performed  the  business  of  purchasing  the 
crash  with  so  much  care,  Madame  Junk's  misgivings  began 
to  give  way,  and  she  would  have  almost  trusted  to  her  care 
the  Reformatory  Home,  so  thoroughly  was  her  confidence 
established  in  this  woman. 

Madame  Junk's  good  power  over  bad  people  lay  in  her 
treating  them  as  if  they  were  not  at  all  responsible  for  any 


412  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

bad  act  which  they  committed.  With  her  it  was  always  the 
fault  of  not  being  born  right.  Of  course,  she  was  willing 
to  prove  to  the  world  that  a  cure  might  be  effected  after 
birth,  provided  proper  means  were  used,  and  that,  too,  at 
an  advanced  age;  aye,  even  in  second  childhood.  The 
Proper  Propagation  of  the  American  Race  was  one  of  Mad 
ame  Junk's  weak  points,  if  weakness  it  may  be  called.  Not 
a  few  looked  upon  Madame  Junk  as  insane  on  this  subject, 
and  another  few  thought  her  theory  in  advance  of  the  age. 
This  was  the  rock  on  which  Joel  and  his  Mother  Junk  split. 
As  a  boy  he  loved  and  respected  her;  as  a  man  he  had  the 
same  feeling  more  intensified.  He  looked  upon  her  as  a 
woman  of  the  most  tenacious  principles;  sincere  in  what 
she  deemed  to  be  right.  She  had  taught  him  when  a  child 
to  honor  truth  and  sincerity,  and  now  that  he  was  a  man  he 
loved  sincere  truth.  He  loved  and  respected  Madame 
Junk  with  a  fervency  that  not  even  his  own  mother  could 
supplant.  He  thought  many  of  his  Mother  Junk's  moves 
were  far  from  being  wise,  but  all  were  made  with  a  strong 
conviction  of  the  right. 

Half  a  year  after  his  marriage  with  Came  he  was  not  a 
little  astonished  when  his  wife  announced  her  intention  of 
rewriting  Madame  Junk's  manuscript  on  the  Proper  Prop 
agation  of  the  American  Race,  and  handing  it  over  to  her 
publishers.  Now,  Joel  was  not  a  great  laugher;  this  in 
stance  must  be  a  great  exception.  He  looked  at  his  wife  a 
moment,  and  peal  upon  peal  of  laughter  burst  out.  He 
only  waited  to  catch  his  breath  to  begin  again.  The  tears 
coursed  down  his  cheeks.  He  held  his  hands  to  his  sides 
as  if  he  would  prevent  their  exploding,  so  funny  did  this 
announcement  appear  to  him.  Carrie  waited  patiently  for 
him  to  subside,  only  venturing  to  ask  if  she  should  pat  him 
on  the  back  to  keep  him  out  of  what  she  thought  looked 
to  be  a  fit.  When  he  had  stopped  to  breathe  the  second  or 
third  time,  she  put  in  an  appeal  to  be  a  sharer  in  the  joke. 

"Well,  well!  that  is  the  last  note!     Of  all  things,  my 


THE  BOOK  ON  PROPER  PROPAGATION.    413 

dear,  I  hope  you  will  not  get  those  absurd  ideas  in  your 
head  that  have  infested  Mother  Junk.  I  will  admit  much 
of  the  truth  and  justice  of  mother's  theories,  "but  a  few  old 
women  cannot  overturn  the  world." 

"A  few  old  women  may  set  the  ball  moving  that  will  over 
turn  the  world  in  regard  to  those  truths.  Have  you  ever 
seen  this  manuscript,  that  seems  to  affect  your  risibles  so 
much  ?  " 

"No,"  said  Joel;  "but  I  can  guess  what  it  is.  In  all 
probability  it  is  a  long-winded  appeal  for  a  better  condition 
of  things — that  God  shall  make  a  new  creation  or  something 
of  this  sort;  that  the  first  plan  was  a  mistake." 

Carrie  smiled,  and  replied:  "  You  are  not  so  wide  of  the 
mark.  Throwing  all  bombast  aside,  there  are  some  grand 
and  lofty  truths.  True,  they  wear  a  homely  dress,  but  the 
substance,  the  spirit  of  the  thing,  is  sublime.  Please  listen 
to  me,  and  not  begin  one  of  those  prolonged  fits  of  laughter, 
which,  if  indulged  in  frequently,  will  end  in  your  ruin. 
The  ideas  in  this  mass  are  far  beyond  anything  I  can  con 
ceive.  It  was  written  in  the  vigor  of  her  life,  with  her  wide 
range  of  experience.  The  same  thoughts,  rendered  in  more 
delicate  language,  would  be  received  with  enthusiasm  by 
the  world." 

"  Indeed!  You  interest  me.  Can  I  be  favored  with  a 
perusal  of  this  manuscript  before  you  begin  the  revising  ?  " 

"  Most  certainly," replied  Carrie;  "  that  is  the  very  thing 
I  wish  to  talk  to  you  about." 

"I  remember,"  said  Joel,  "when  I  was  quite  a  little 
shaver,  mother  was  forever  talking  to  me  about  a  book  she 
had  written  on  the  Proper  Propagation  of  the  American 
Race.  I  classed  it  with  all  the  rest  of  her  manoeuvres, 
which  are  as  eccentric  as  possible;  however,  I  will  say  that 
I  have  never  seen  man  or  woman  who  worked  so  tenaciously 
for  the  right  as  does  Mother  Junk." 

"When  we  admit  that,"  said  the  little  wife,  "we  admit 
the  embodiment  of  all  virtues.  Mother  Junk  is  a  character, 
and  in  point  of  principle  a  decided  one." 


414  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

"In  what  form  is  this  book  to  appear?  Philosophical 
reasoning,  or  in  story  form  ? 

"  I  would  like  your  opinion  on  the  subject.  I  clo  not  feel 
adequate  to  philosophy.  If  I  could  use  the  truth  in  story 
form  I  could  handle  it  better." 

"  So  you  purpose  to  make  it  a  cross  between  a  romance 
and  a  medical  work,  eh  ?  " 

"There  you  go  again!  Who  has  said  anything  about  a 
medical  work  ?  " 

"  Well,  a  book  on  surgery,  then,  if  it  cuts  and  slashes  the 
social  question  (as  I  make  no  doubt  it  does).  A  work  on 
surgery  is  a  good  title.  As  I  understand  it,  it  is  an  amend 
ment  of  old  rules  and  ideas.  Is  it  not  so  ?" 

"  Yes,  it  has  a  touch  of  it." 

"  Very  good.  A  philosopher  will  never  make  a  good  ro 
mance  writer." 

"Do  you  pretend  to  say  that  our  best  romance  writers 
give  the  world  no  high  philosophical  truths?  I  should  not 
care  to  read  a  romance  with  no  philosophical  truths  in  it." 

Joel  raised  his  wife's  hand  to  his  lips,  and  bowed  his  head 
respectfully. 

"My  dear,  I  will  admit  that  a  romance  with  no  moral 
truth  is  worthless;  and  high  moral  savors  of  philosophy. 
But  the  line  is  distinct  between  romance  and  philosophy, 
romance  and  religion,  romance  and  medicine,  romance  and 
science;  and  whoever  attempts  to  combine  these  separate 
directions  spoils  both." 

"  But,"  said  Carrie,  "  we  have  had  beautiful  truths  given 
us  in  the  form  of  a  story :  too  natural  even  to  seem  true. 
We  have  had  it  painted  vivid  and  healthful,  so  that  the 
masses  were  benefited  by  it." 

"  In  those  works  where  the  largest  amount  of  humor  was 
displayed  there  was  the  least  philosophical  reasoning  on  re 
form  questions." 

"  Well,  Joel,  do  you  think  we  must  confine  ourselves  to 
the  past?  Will  no  new  fields  open  up  to  us,  and  make 
passable  this  road,  if  we  choose  to  travel  it?" 


A    MISTY,    MYSTERIOUS    PLACE.  415 

1 '  Admissible  it  may  be,  but  the  result  will  be  a  conglom 
eration  that  will  make  it  difficult  to  separate  truth  from 
fiction.  Truth  and  falsehood  never  went  hand  in  hand." 

"  Is  the  pure  pen-painting  of  humorous  nature  an  un 
truth?" 

"No,  not  actually.  If  the  writer  is  seeking  notoriety,  it 
is  an  extravagant  truth." 

"  No  more  extravagant  than  the  character  from  which  it 
is  drawn,"  said  Carrie." 

fl  In  romance  writing  those  are  the  exceptions,  not  the 
rule." 

"  If  one  exception  may  be  admitted,  they  may  be  so  gen 
eral  as  to  become  a  rule." 

' '  There  is  an  old-established  rule  that  I  have  not  time  to 
relate  to-day,"  said  Joel,  taking  his  wife's  face  between  the 
palms  of  his  hands,  and  kissing  her  lips. 

"  And  what  may  that  be,  pray  ?" 

"  "Why,  that  a  woman  must  have  the  last  word." 

"Ah!  that  is  a  piece  of  gallantry  that  men  have  been 
forced  to  accord  us.  "We  have  shown  ourselves  such  gen 
erals  in  talking  that  men  have  made  a  show  of  retiring  from 
the  field  willingly,  when  in  reality  they  retire  vanquished." 

Again  Joel  kissed  his  wife,  ran  to  the  door,  opened  it,  and 
cried  "Vanquished!"  closed  the  door,  opened  it  a  little  way, 
and  said  " Vanquished!"  took  his  hat  from  the  rack  in  the 
hall,  opened  the  street-door,  ran  down  the  walk,  turned, 
and  looked  up  at  the  windows  where  his  wife  stood,  looking 
and  smiling.  He  struck  an  attitude,  flourished  his  hat 
around,  and  cried,  "  I  retire  from  the  field  vanquished!" 

We  will  turn  from  this  luxurious  home,  filled  with  peace, 
comfort,  plenty  and  good-will  to  mankind,  and  visit  one  of 
the  lowest  dens  in  the  city,  for  the  purpose  of  buying  crash. 
On  our  former  visit  we  did  not  mention  a  small  door  that 
led  from  the  front  room  or  main  entrance.  A  person  over 
four  feet  tall  would  have  to  stoop  to  get  in  at  this  door.  It 
appeared  to  be  a  place  for  fueling,  or  a  store-room.  It  is 


4 1 6  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

between  twelve  and  one  o'clock  at  night.  The  street  door 
is  barred  with  an  iron  bar.  There  are  no  lights;  and  no 
matter  how  thirsty  you  might  be  if  you  were  passing  that 
way,  you  could  not  get  a  drink.  We  open  this  small  door 
and  find  ourselves  in  a  narrow  passage  about  three  feet 
long.  Opposite  the  little  door  is  a  door  of  the  usual  size. 
On  opening  this  we  find  ourselves  in  a  room  densely  filled 
with  tobacco  smoke.  From  the  misty  blue  clouds  peer  faces 
of  men.  In  this  misty,  mysterious,  dark,  unknown  room  are 
six  men  sitting  around  a  round  table,  playing  cards.  The 
room  is  lighted  by  three  tallow  candles  in  big  junk  bottles. 
Some  of  the  men  are  smoking  clay  pipes,  and  others, 
clumsy  wooden  ones.  The  tobacco  is  so  vile  that  it  would 
be  instant  death  to  a  pole-cat  were  such  an  animal  so  un 
fortunate  as  to  be  cast  among  them.  You  might  look  a 
long  time  before  you  could  find  another  set  of  such  hard 
ened-looking  roughs.  Some  silver  coin  lay  on  each  corner 
of  the  table,  and  the  greasy  cards  were  lain  one  upon  the 
other  with  no  gentle  hands. 

The  red  man  came  up  and  pulled  Tom  Splinter  by  the 
sleeve. 

"  Get  out,  you  hound!  Have  you  no  more  manners  than 
to  worry  a  gentleman  when  he  has  staked  all  his  money  ? 
Business  of  importance,  is  it?  Some  more  of  your  twaddle, 
I'll  be  bound.  Wait,  Red,  until  I  have  finished  this  game. 
Look  here!  if  it  is  any  nonsense  I'll  choke  you.  You'll  be 
redder  in  the  face  than  you  ever  was  before,"  and  Mr. 
Splinter  went  on  with  his  game. 

The  interruption  seemed  to  cause  him  to  play  less  cau 
tiously,  for  he  lost  his  money  and  arose  from  the  table  with 
an  oath,  and  walked  to  the  farther  corner  of  the  room, 
where  the  red  man  followed  him.  He  thrust  his  hand  be 
hind  the  bosom  of  his  red  flannel  shirt  and  drew  out  Two- 
fifty's  letter  and  handed  it  to  Tom  Splinter,  saying : 

"  She  vas  py  me." 

' '  Fool,  bring  me  a  light.    Do  you  think  I  am  a  cat  ?    Then 


HE    WAS    AN    AMERICAN    GAMBLER.  417 

go  back  to  the  table— take  my  place— put  up  all  the  money 
you  have — play  like  the  devil — do  you  hear?" 

The  man  went  to  a  small  cupboard  built  on  the  wall,  felt 
around,  brought  out  another  candle,  stuck  it  into  an  empty 
wine  bottle,  and  was  just  striking  a  match  to  light  it  when 
he  was  called  by  Tom  Splinter,  who  hissed  in  his  ear: 
"  You  idiot!  Who  told  you  to  light  it?" 

Tom  Splinter  took  the  bottle  and  moved  to  the  opposite 
side  of  the  room,  opened  the  door,  locked  it  behind  him, 
and  stood  in  the  small  dark  entry-way  that  divided  the  two 
rooms.  He  sat  down  on  some  old  sacks  and  proceeded  to 
read  the  first  epistle  that  Two-fifty  ever  wrote.  He  had  no 
difficulty  in  making  out  the  meaning.  At  every  sentence 
he  ejaculated:  "Kich!  rich!"  He  read  and  re-read,  folded 
up  the  letter  and  placed  it  in  his  pocket.  He  at  once  as 
sumed  an  attitude  of  musing. 

The  original  make-up  of  this  man  was  not  brutish,  but 
he  had  retrograded  into  something  but  one  degree  above  a 
beast.  Tom  Splinter  was  an  American — a  gambler  who  had 
come  down  from  one  grade  to  another,  until  he  is  where  we 
find  him.  A  few  years  back  and  he  was  a  dashing  sport; 
now  he  is  a  robber — not  one  of  the  highway — a  pickpocket, 
a  burglar.  In  times  gone  by  he  aspired  to  the  calling  of  a 
gentlemanly  pickpocket;  but  now  his  appearance  is  such 
that  to  approach  any  one  near  enough  to  pick  a  pocket 
would  at  once  create  suspicion.  He  was  Two-fifty's  power 
ful  ally;  an  old  stand-by  who  had  many  and  oft  times  been 
secreted  in  her  den  perpetrating  crime  upon  crime,  and  elud 
ing  the  grasp  of  the  law  by  her  cunning.  Tom  Splinter 
had  confidence  in  her  far-seeing;  therefore  was  ready  at  her 
beck  and  call;  and  when  a  good-paying  thing  was  pointed 
out  to  her,  he  had  been  heard  to  say:  "  Let  a  woman 
alone  for  deceiving.  I  had  rather  trust  one  woman  that  is 
up  to  snuff  than  a  dozen  men/'  Every  now  and  then  he 
would  burst  into  a  little  self-satisfied  laugh,  and  no  one 
knows  how  long  he  would  have  sat  there,  had  not  a  key 
27 


41 8  MADAME    JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

rattled  in  the  lock,  the  door  opened,  and  the  men  began  to 
pass  out  single  file,  unlocking  the  next  door. 

"  Halloo,  Tom!  what's  the  matter?"  sung  out  one  of  the 
men. 

"  Nothing.  I  thought  I'd  take  a  little  nap  until  it  was 
time  to  go  out.  I  was  so  devilish  sleepy." 

"Oh!  that's  it,  hey?" 

Tom  arose,  joined  the  file,  and  passed  out  into  the  street. 
They  divided  up,  and  took  separate  ways.  "VVe  shall  not 
follow  them  to-night,  or  rather  this  morning;  for  it  is  three 
o'clock  A.  M. 

If  next  day  had  been  election  day,  and  Tom  Splinter  the 
candidate  for  city  alderman,  he  could  not  have  bestirred 
himself  with  greater  activity.  He  gave  his  seedy  clothing 
an  extra  brush;  he  adjusted  his  necktie  with  as  much  care 
as  if  he  were  about  to  attend  his  own  wedding.  The  little 
room,  where  he  usually  spent  the  small  hours,  was  an  old 
tumble-down  tenement  building,  where  the  riffraff  crept  like 
a  great  family  of  rats.  It  was  filled  up  with  a  class  that 
were  too  indolent  to  work,  and  who  could  eke  out  a  sub 
sistence  by  begging  and  stealing.  These  rooms  ranged  in 
rent  from  one  to  two  dollars  per  month.  It  would  take 
at  least  half  a  dozen  Madame  Junks  to  fit  these  people  for 
heaven,  or  even  a  decent  place  on  earth. 

After  a  due  amount  of  picking  the  feathers  and  lint,  dry 
sticks  and  straw  from  his  clothing,  Tom  Splinter  took  a 
squint  at  himself  in  a  bit  of  a  glass  that  leaned  against  a 
window-pane.  It  was  well  he  did,  for  he  discovered  that 
the  corners  of  his  eyes  were  not  altogether  clean,  but  he  soon 
set  them  to  rights  by  the  aid  of  his  forefinger,  and  with  the 
aid  of  his  four  fingers  he  combed  his  hair,  and  set  his  hat 
on  with  something  of  his  old  jauntiness;  making  this  last 
effective  touch  to  his  toilet,  he  proceeded  to  take  a  morning 
walk.  It  is  a  little  beginning,  but  sometimes  little  begin 
nings  make  great  endings.  Tom  Splinter  walked  briskly 
out  upon  the  main  road  that  leads  out  of  the  city  toward 


IF    SHE    WERE    A   YOUNGER    WOMAN.  419 

the  Home  for  Reforming  Depraved  Plumanity.  Tom  Splin 
ter  could  read  and  write,  and  had  received  a  fair  education. 
Moreover,  he  was  a  man  of  address  (or  used  to  be),  and 
could  assume  that  role  on  the  shortest  notice,  or  he  could 
play  the  vagrant,  whichever  the  case  demanded.  At  every 
step  he  was  cogitating. 

"  If  she  were  a  younger  woman,  I  should  know  what  to 
do;  but  an  old  dame  is  not  so  fond  of  flattery,  unless  it  be  to 
praise  her  good  deeds.  Well,  I  shall  soon  see  my  cue/' 
soliloquized  Tom  Splinter,  as  he  looked  up  and  saw  the 
Home  loom  up  from  a  rise  of  ground  a  mile  ahead  of  him. 
"Ha!  ha!  ha!  that  is  a  good  note.  A  mill  for  grinding 
coarse  grain.  Well,  my  grist  will  soon  be  there;  but  I  fear 
I  shall  turn  out  nothing  but  bran.  I  only  hope  the  old  lady 
won't  see  the  brand  before  she  accepts  the  job  of  grinding. 
The  brand  seems  to  be  stamped  upon  rne  of  late.  I  remem 
ber  when  I  passed  for  something  finer;  but  old  has-been  is 
of  no  use  to  me  now.  This  world  is  made  up  of  a  great  set 
of  noodles,  or  they  would  see  that  good  folks  have  a  much 
better  time  than  bad  ones.  Why,  a  man  that  does  right  has 
as  easy  a  road  as  any  one  could  wish  to  travel." 

The  nearer  he  came  to  the  Home  the  more  exact  he  was 
in  his  weight  of  bad  and  good.  In  this  morning-walk 
Tom  Splinter  was  not  alone.  On  either  side  walked  the  two 
angels.  The  angel  of  good  ever  and  anon  bidding  the 
evil  one  to  fall  in  the  rear;  but  with  bold  and  powerful 
strides  he  kept  pace  with  his  victim,  and  continually  whis 
pered,  "Too  late!  too  late!"  until  the  still  small  voice  of 
good  could  no  longer  battle  with  the  evil.  The  great 
gate  swung  on  its  hinges,  and  a  wolf  was  within  the  fold. 
Tom  Splinter  passed  up  the  walk,  and  stood  under  the  scroll 
on  which  was  written,  "  Lest  a  man  be  born  again  he  cannot 
enter  the  kingdom  of  heaven."  He  looked  up,  and  read  the 
inscription.  The  devil  whispered,  "It  is  a  lie!"  Tom 
Splinter  pulled  the  bell,  and  settled  his  face  into  a  down 
trodden  expression;  and  when  the  door  opened  he  was  the 


42 O  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

most  forsaken-looking  object  you  could  find  in  a  day's  travel. 
Madame  Junk  appeared  upon  the  threshold,  and  looked  at 
the  man  over  her  glasses. 

"  Madame,  is  this  a  place  where  a  bad  man  may  reform, 
and  lead  a  good  life  ?" 

Madame  Junk  was  surprised  by  the  tone  of  voice,  and 
could  not  for  a  moment  answer.  His  enunciation  was  so 
clear  that  she  at  once  saw  that  he  was  an  American.  There 
was  something  in  the  tone  of  his  voice  which  said  plainly, 
"  I  am  not  to  be  put  off  !"  There  was  a  determined  will  in 
it;  so  much  so  that  Madame  Junk  said, 

"  Will  you  please  to  walk  in,  Sir  ?" 

She  took  him  into  the  little  chapel,  where  she  took  all 
"Freshmen."  There  was  a  more  religious  influence  per 
vading  the  atmosphere  there  than  in  any  other  room  in  the 
house.  And  the  most  hardened  villain  does  stand  in  awe  of 
an  altar  where  he  knows  daily  the  pure  prayers  of  the  right 
eous  go  up. 

"  Are  you  the  good  lady  who  helps  the  depraved  sinner 
to  walk  the  paths  of  rectitude  and  virtue  ?" 

Madame  Junk  was  pleased.  Had  her  fame  thus  spread  ? 
"Were  the  wretched  sinners  looking  to  her  as  a  saviour?  If 
things  continued  on  in  this  way  they  bade  fair  to  outstrip 
her  wildest  imagination  on  the  reform  question. 

Madame  Junk  informed  Tom  Splinter  that  this  was  a 
place  where  they  helped  the  weak  to  be  strong. 

In  contrite  tones  Tom  Splinter  told  her  that  he  was  in 
need  of  strength.  He  requested  to  be  admitted  into  the 
Home,  a  request  which  was  readily  granted. 

The  introduction  into  the  Home  consisted  of  a  warm  bath, 
with  plenty  of  soap,  clean  clothes,  something  to  eat,  and  a 
long  prayer  from  Madame  Junk  by  way  of  a  moral  cleanser. 

Larry  O'Doodle  eyed  this  man  with  suspicion.  He  told 
Madame  Junk  "  to  be  after  looking  out  for  this  American; 
for  when  Americans  are  after  baing  knaves  they  ba  brisk 
ones" — a  fact  which  Madame  Junk,  by  her  past  experience, 


SHE    TOLD    HIM    ALL.  42! 

had  learned.  She  knew  that  in  classical  rascality  the  Amer 
ican  man  out-generals  the  world.  She  remembered  many 
years  since  of  hearing  a  connoisseur  of  the  varied  accomplish 
ments  which  make  up  an  American  rascal,  say,  "  You  may 
take  one  supreme  scoundrel  from  each  nation  of  the  world 
and  condense  them  into  one,  then  extract  the  rascality,  and 
simmer  it  down;  and  the  American  rascal,  with  his  one  in 
gredient,  can  make  up  a  decoction  stronger  than  the  whole 
combined." 

It  was  one  of  those  calm,  still  nights  when  the  heat  is 
oppressive.  All  the  windows  of  the  Reformatory  Home  had 
been  let  down  at  the  top.  So  silent  was  it  that  the  chirp  of 
the  cricket  could  be  heard.  The  black-beetle  buzzed  and 
bunted  against  the  window-pane,  as  Two-fifty  emerged  from 
her  little  room  and  stepped  into  the  hall.  Beneath  her 
softened  tread  the  boards  creaked.  A  succession  of  creaks 
might  wake  the  inmates,  but  a  creak  at  distant  intervals 
would  not  be  noticed;  so  one  step  at  a  time  was  all  Two- 
fifty  ventured  upon.  As  she  stood  in  the  centre  of  the  hall,  so 
huge  and  dark  that,  had  you  been  stationed  at  the  other 
end,  you  would  have  thought  one  of  Dan  Rice's  elephants 
had  escaped  the  menagerie,  and  had  made  its  way  to  Mad 
ame  Junk  to  be  born  again.  Two-fifty  regulated  her  breath 
ing  to  chord  with  the  chirp  of  the  cricket.  Her  respiration 
was  like  opening  the  valve  to  a  locomotive.  Patience  does 
its  perfect  work.  Slowly  she  gained  ground,  and  at  last 
arrived  in  front  of  Tom  Splinter's  door.  She  placed  her 
mouth  at  the  keyhole,  and  gave  the  old  countersign — "Neat! 
neat!  neat!" 

The  word  had  its  effect,  for  the  door  opened  on  its  greased 
hinges,  and  Two-fifty  stood  within.  The  two  took  a  seat  on 
the  edge  of  the  bed.  They  conversed  in  whispers,  scarce 
above  a  breath.  Two-fifty  imparted  to  Tom  Splinter  all  she 
knew.  She  told  him  where  the  Senator  lived.  She  de 
scribed  in  her  imperfect  English  the  lay  of  the  land.  She 
told  him  where  Mrs.  Glewer  lived,  and  where  the  business 


422        MADAME  JANE  JUNK  AND  JOE. 

was  situated.  There  was  not  much  money  in  the  treasuiy 
of  the  Home,  but  what  there  was  Mr.  Splinter  would  take. 
He  was  not  a  man  to  slight  an  old  friend;  he  saw  no  reason 
why  he  should  turn  the  cold  shoulder  on  the  Home,  just 
because  its  funds  happened  to  be  low.  Oh  no!  there  was 
nothing  mean  about  Tom  Splinter  in  that  way.  He  would 
do  the  square  thing  and  take  what  they  had.  Madame  Junk 
had  been  good  to  him — she  had  given  him  a  bath  and  a 
prayer — and  it  looked  to  Splinter  like  the  height  of  mean 
ness  not  to  return  the  compliment  by  taking  all  he  could 
lay  his  hands  on.  It  would  be  necessary  to  communicate 
with  the  outside;  there  must  be  secret  consultations;  the 
train  must  be  laid;  and  in  order  to  do  this,  Splinter  must 
go  to  the  city.  How  could  he  go  to  the  city  without  creat 
ing  suspicion  ? 

It  was  four  o'clock  when  Mrs.  Pictpink  left,  and  from 
that  time  until  it  was  time  to  arise  and  attend  the  morning 
prayers,  did  Splinter  cogitate.  He  made  long  plans  and 
ripped  them  up  again.  The  long  and  short  of  the  matter 
was,  Tom  Splinter  did  not  sleep  one  wink.  What  with 
waiting  all  the  forepart  of  the  night  for  Two-fifty,  fearing 
if  he  dozed  off  he  might  not  wake  up  again,  then  the  con 
versation  carried  on  in  such  a  laborious  way,  all  tended  to 
make  Mr.  Splinter  look  so  weary  and  worn  as  to  attract 
Madame  Junk's  solicitude  in  regard  to  his  health.  That 
morniDg  her  prayer  was  longer  and  more  earnest.  A  part 
of  it  was  in  the  form  of  an  especial  request  for  the  good 
health  of  the  inmates.  There  was  something  peculiarly 
touching  about  it. 

As  Tom  Splinter  was  kneeling,  in  obedience  to  the  rules, 
again  the  good  angel  drew  near  and  stood  by  his  right  hand 
and  whispered:  "Beware!  beware!"  The  ominous  shadow 
on  the  left  whispered:  "  Too  late!  too  late!" 

It  was  too  late — several  hours  too  late — for  safety.  Had 
he  not  confided  in  a  woman  who  was  past  redemption  ?  She 
would  disclose  all  she  knew  of  his  past  life;  he  must  go  to 


IT   WAS   A    SPECIMEN   BEAN.  423 

prison — there  was  enough  to  send  him  there.  "  Coward! 
coward!"  whispered  the  dark  angel.  "  Religion  will  do  for 
women  and  children;  but  for  a  brave  man  like  Tom  Splinter, 
who  has  faced  danger  in  a  thousand  forms,  to  come  down 
and  be  prayed  to  heaven  by  an  old  woman  !" 

"Not  born  right?"  said  Tom  Splinter.  "Yes;  that  is 
the  word,  and  it  must  be  true,  for  I  cannot  remember  a 
time  when  I  have  not  done  all  the  mischief  that  I  could. 
My  mother  must  have  had  large  acquisitiveness;  and  my 
father — why!  he  was  as  lazy  a  devil  as  ever  stood  in  boots. 
Hi!  ho!  blood  will  tell;  and  here  I  am,  a  candidate  for 
being  born  again;  and  need  enough  there  is,  I  assure  you." 

"  Time  enough/'  whispered  the  still  small  voice.  "Too 
late!  too  late!"  re-echoed  the  evil. 

"  Well,  indade!"  said  Larry  O'Doodle,  after  Tom  Splin 
ter  had  been  in  the  Reformatory  Home  some  six  weeks. 
"  Shure  enough,  this  is  the  place  where  they  cast  the  clivil 
out.  Howly  Mother  Mary !  I  could  never  been  after  think 
ing  that  same  Sphlinter  could  bagood!  and  Two-fifty  is  as 
quiet  as  a  lamb.  Two  wolves  made  over  into  shape  intirely! 
Begorral  it  bates  meself.  Well,  well,  Misthress  Junks, 
you  have  done  the  job  nately !  There  is  one  thing  I  will  be 
after  saying:  Thim  that  is  not  born  agin  would  ba,  if  thim 
was  knowing  how  nate  a  body  feels.  Why,  I  am  as  light 
as  a  feather,  and  as  happy  as  a  man  can  ba.  'Tis  Larry 
O'Doodle  that  is  much  obleeged  to  thim  beautiful  creatures." 

As  Larry  was  soliloquizing,  he  took  from  his  pocket  two 
beans;  one  was  black,  and  the  other  a  white  one.  The 
black  one  he  had  named  Larry  O'Doodle.  The  white  one 
was  an  extraordinary  bean  for  beauty;  it  was  large,  clear 
and  white,  without  a  speck.  It  was  a  specimen  bean,  and 
its  name  was  Catharine  Glewer.  Larry  picked  it  up  with 
his  thumb  and  forefinger.  "Well,  it  is  as  like  her  as  two 
beans  can  ba.  I  will  kape  them  while  I  live,  and  whin  I 
am  dead  they  shall  be  buried  wid  me.  I  will  plant  thim  in 
hiven,  when  she  will  ba  there  to  see  thim  grow.  'Tis  not 


424  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

the  likes  of  Larry  O 'Doodle  that  will  ba  after  baiDg  in  the 
same  class  wid  Katy  in  hiven.  But  she  will  come  into  my 
garden  sometimes,  as  she  has  done  here,  and  ba  looking  at 
Larry  wid  her  beautiful  wonder  eyes.  'Tis  meself  that  will 
ba  kneeling  at  her  feet  and  saying:  cKaty,  you  saved  me 
sowl.'  May  the  divil  and  all  his  imps  fly  away  wid  the  new 
husband  if  he  is  not  good  to  her."  With  this  thunderbolt 
hurled  at  the  new  husband,  he  placed  Catharine  Glewer  and 
Larry  O 'Doodle  side  by  side  and  did  them  up  compactly  in 
a  bit  of  white  paper,  and  placed  them  over  his  heart.  Larry 
felt  everlastingly  certain  of  one  thing,  and  that  was  that 
Kate  would  never  show  Mr.  Stanly  how  to  cultivate  beans. 
It  was  not  probable  she  ever  taught  a  man  before  him,  or 
ever  would  again. 

Only  those  of  deep  sentiment  can  understand  what  a  satis 
faction  and  what  comfort  this  gave  Larry.  Two  beans  seem 
a  trine  to  give  a  man  so  much  pleasure,  but  those  two  beans 
were  grains  of  gold  from  an  interior  life.  Who  shall  say 
that  Larry  O' Doodle  was  'not  a  man  of  large  sentimental 
nature  and  of  fine  texture?  This  little  shrine — this  private 
altar  before  which  he  bowed — none  knew  he  had  ever 
erected.  No  human  eye  had  ever  desecrated  its  precincts; 
none  but  God  knew  of  his  worship.  His  secret  would  be 
buried  with  him  and  the  beans. 

About  this  time  the  old  Scotchman  was  taken  ill.  He 
lingered  a  few  days  and  passed  away,  blessing  God  and 
Madame  Junk.  Two-fifty  made  a  show  of  grief,  but  in 
reality  was  glad.  The  old  man  died  in  the  full  belief  that 
his  wife  had  reformed.  He  died  in  the  sincere  belief  of  the 
vicarious,  atonement. 


CHAPTER   XLIX. 

A  FRESH  DEBUT— A  LETTER  TO  GENERAL  GRANT— A 
NOVEL  TURNOUT— MALICE  AFORETHOUGHT,  OR 
MARRIAGE. 

THE  winter  had  come  and  gone.  The  "  old  Virginia 
coon,"  as  Albert  was  pleased  to  term  him,  bade  adieu 
to  the  California  elephant.  He  had  viewed  it  from  all  sides, 
and  pronounced  it  an  animal  of  magnitude — -one  that  would 
in  the  future  be  able  to  show  the  world  a  pair  of  tusks  not 
to  be  equaled  on  the  continent  of  America.  This  was  highly 
gratifying  to  Albert,  who  felt  in  this  instance  that  he  was 
the  showman. 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  Fletcher  returned  with  the  expectation 
that  Joel  and  his  wife  would  pass  the  following  winter  with 
them.  If  Mr.  Boen  Fletcher  had  been  anxious  to  avoid  the 
publicity  of  an  open  acknowledgment  of  his  son,  he  was 
now  doubly  anxious  to  make  that  acknowledgment.  In  his 
fancy  he  pictured  himself  treading  the  saloons  in  which  the 
elite  of  Washington  society  were  gathered,  with  Carrie  on 
his  arm,  the  now  popular  authoress  and  daughter  of  Senator 
Smith.  Yes,  indeed!  he  would  present  her  with  due  pomp 
and  ceremony  to  the  very  cream.  He  would  show  them 
how  an  old  house  of  the  F.  F.  V.'s  could  maintain  its  dig 
nity.  It  would,  doubtless,  give  him  such  prestige  as  he 
had  not  enjoyed  since  he  was  *a  j'oung  man,  and  was  the 
desirable  catch  of  the  old  Virginia  belles.  Mr.  Fletcher 
could  scarcely  wait  for  the  time  when  he  should,  as  it  were, 
make  a  fresh  debut.  Not  so  with  Mrs.  Fletcher.  She 
wished  to  acknowledge  her  son  because  it  was  his  right  to 
be  acknowledged,  and  because  she  was  proud  of  him. 

(425) 


426  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND   JOE. 

Madame  Junk  had  this  night  offered  up  a  prayer  of  un 
usual  length,  and  with  renewed  zeal.  She  was  "bent  on 
more  reformatory  measures.  She  had  expressed  her  views 
through  several  different  organs.  She  had  received  very 
nattering  support  in  the  way  of  editorial  notices,  as  well  as 
from  the  pulpit.  She  had  petitioned  to  Congress,  and  had 
addressed  the  President  of  the  United  States,  regarding  a 
reformatory  home  for  boys.  Carrie  ventured  to  remark 
that  she  scarcely  thought  the  President  would  "be  likely  to 
pay  personal  attention  to  this  matter.  Madame  Junk  re 
plied,  in  turn,  that  it  would  do  no  harm  to  try  him  any  way. 
She  would  never  be  able  to  see  why  he  should  not  take  a 
personal  interest  in  our  boys.  Was  he  not  acting  in  the 
capacity  of  a  father  to  our  country?  And  if  a  father  cannot 
look  after  his  boys,  who  should  ? 

For  the  benefit  of  the  reader  (hoping  Madame  Junk  will 
pardon  our  freedom),  we  will  give  the  subjoined  letter: 


FRANCISCO,  June  10,  1876. 
To  U.  S.  GRANT, 

President  of  these  United  States. 

DEAR  GENERAL:  I  write  asking  your  kind  counsel  and  wis 
dom  with  reference  to  a  project  of  erecting  a  reformatory 
home  for  vagrant  bo3rs.  The  future  generation  will  be  a 
demoralized  one  if  things  go  on  in  this  way.  Knowing  you 
have  been  a  great  General  on  the  field  of  battle,  I  hope  you 
will  come  to  the  front  in  this  question.  "  Eeform  !  reform  I" 
is  the  watchword  that  should  resound  from  every  beacon 
hill  on  the  continent  of  America.  I  ask,  what  is  to  become 
of  this  Republic  unless  honest  men  can  be  made  of  our 
boys  ?  I  know  you  will  be  interested  in  the  future  of  our 
country  in  raising  up  honest  men  that  can  fill  our  places  of 
trust  with  integrity.  President,  I  do  hope  you  will  head 
our  subscription  list  with  at  least  twenty-five  dollars.  I 
have  for  some  time  been  at  the  head  of  a  Reformatory 
Home.  I  gave  my  all  for  its  erection,  which,  comparatively 
speaking,  was  but  the  widow's  mite.  The  title  of  this  Home 
is  a  "  Home  for  Reforming  Depraved  Humanity."  For  you 
know  it  has  been  written  in  Scripture,  "Lest  a  man  be  born 
again  he  cannot  enter  the  kingdom  of  heaven."  These 


MADAME    JUNK  S    LETTER   TO    GENERAL    GRANT.    427 

words  are  inscribed  on  a  scroll  over  the  door.  I  have  met 
with  great  success.  Not  one  sinner  that  has  come  in  under 
this  scroll  but  has  become  contrite,  and  willing  to  abide  by 
God's  holy  law.  I  would  not  ask  you  to  subscribe  for  this 
Home  if  I  had  money  of  my  own.  I  am  aware  you  have 
great  expenses,  and  I  presume  that  many  times  you  feel  it  is 
all  you  can  stand  under.  But  remember  this  is  a  Christian 
work,  and  it  is  the  duty  of  every  Christian  to  support  it  as 
far  as  his  means  will  allow.  For  a  referee  I  give  you  Mr. 
Boen  Fletcher,  of  your  city,  who  recently  visited  my  Home, 
and  can  tell  you  all  about  it. 

Hoping  to  hear  from  you  at  your  earliest  opportunity, 
and  that  you  will  inclose  me  at  least  twenty-five  dollars  to 
ward  the  erection  of  this  new  Home,  I  beg  to  subscribe 
myself, 

Your  most  obedient  Servant, 

MADAME  JANE  JUNK, 
(Descendant  of  Oliver  Cromwell. ) 

P.S.  If  you  know  of  any  Congressmen  who  would  give  a 
little,  I  should  feel  obliged  if  you  would  ask  them. 

M.  J.    J. 


Madame  Junk  had  long  designed  to  address  General 
Grant,  and,  if  possible,  enlist  his  sympathies  in  what  must 
seem  to  him  a  great  question.  She  was  not  a  little  proud 
of  her  achievement;  so  much  so,  that  the  next  time  Senator 
Smith  called  she  handed  it  to  him  to  peruse.  Of  course  he 
recommended  sending  it;  said  it  was  "just  the  ticket,"  and 
further  added  that  any  man  who  could  withstand  an  appeal 
of  that  sort  was  not  fit  to  be  President  of  the  United  States, 
and  he,  for  one,  would  not  vote  for  him  a  third  term;  and 
that  was  not  all;  when  it  became  known  that  he  would  not 
support  a  worthy  thing  like  that,  there  were  others  who 
would  not  vote  for  him.  Madame  Junk  mailed  the  letter, 
and  although  the  time  has  long  since  elapsed  when  she 
should  have  received  an  answer,  there  is  none  forthcoming. 

Miss  Busy's  school  diminished.  In  place  of  the  large 
boarding-school  she  was  formerly  mistress  of,  she  could  now 


428  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

call  to  order  only  half  a  dozen  unruly  little  girls.  Miss  Busy 
had  laid  up  a  snug  little  sum,  and  was  not  likely  to  come  to 
want.  She  rode  in  her  own  chaise,  and  wore  the  stiffest 
black  ribbons  on  her  bonnet  that  could  be  found  in  the 
market.  Her  postilion  was  English.  Miss  Busy's  novel 
turnout  attracted  much  attention.  The  very  idea  of  a  sin 
gle  woman  seated  alone  in  a  two-wheeled  chaise,  with  a 
postilion  riding  the  horse,  gave  her  at  least  the  appearance 
of  great  eccentricity.  Miss  Busy's  real  motive  was  to  con 
vey  the  impression  -that  she  was  a  woman  of  great  wealth — 
a  founder  who  chose  to  do  as  she  pleased  in  unenlightened 
America.  If  the  small  boys  laughed,  it  was  because  they 
were  ill-bred  and  had  never  visited  England.  If  Mr. 
Stanly's  carriage  and  Miss  Busy's  chaise  met  upon  the  high 
way,  Miss  Busy  was  greeted  by  a  lift  of  the  hat  and  a 
friendly  smile  from  Mr.  Stanly,  which  were  returned  by 
Miss  Busy  with  a  short  quick  nod,  that  made  the  stiff  rib 
bons  on  her  bonnet  crack  so  loud  as  to  set  the  horse  into  a 
brisk  canter,  as  though  he  had  scented  a  plebeian. 

We  have  hinted  in  some  former  chapter  that  David  De 
light  Spludge  had  his  eye  on  Miss  Busy  with  malice  afore 
thought  or  marriage.  Mr.  Spludge  had  made  several  calls 
upon  Miss  Busy.  Miss  Busy  thought  one  might  go  through 
the  woods  and  pick  up  a  crooked  stick  at  last.  She  saw 
herself  at  the  head  of  an  establishment  and  a  loved  and 
honored  wife — a  position  every  true  woman  desires. 

Mr.  Spludge  became  quite  attentive  to  Miss  Busy.  He 
walked  to  church  with  her  Sabbath  evenings,  and  accom 
panied  her  to  lectures,  and  once  or  twice  was  seen  to  ride 
out  with  her  after  his  own  span. 

Miss  Busy  indulged  in  a  little  color  now,  and  wore  a 
cherry-colored  neck  ribbon,  and  returned  Mr.  Stanly's 
greeting  with  less  stiffness.  She  began  contemplating  her 
wedding  outfit;  she  finally  decided  on  a  silver-gray  silk, 
ornamented  with  lace.  Should  she  wear  orange  blossoms? 
She  never  had  worn  them — why  not?  However,  on  more 


THE  BANNS  SHOULD  BE  CALLED  IN  CHURCH.  429 

mature  reflection  she  concluded  not,  for,  as  an  educated 
lady,  Miss  Busy  is  supposed  to  have  taste;  and  a  woman 
something  over  fifty  summers  would  hardly  look  well  in 
orange  blossoms.  But  there  was  one  thing  her  respecta 
bility  demanded,  and  that  was  that  the  banns  should  be 
called  in  church  some  weeks  prior  to  the  wedding.  There 
was  a  certain  pride  in  announcing  to  the  world  that  she  was 
desired  in  marriage.  It  gave  the  world  to  understand  that 
the  banns  might  have  been  called  long  ago,  if  she  had  only 
said  the  word.  Of  course,  she  must  give  up  the  school. 
She  would  write  a  note  to  the  parents  of  each  pupil,  stat 
ing  her  reasons  for  this  step.  Doubtless,  congratulations 
would  pour  in  upon  her,  which  would  be  received  with  that 
dignity  becoming  an  English  lady. 


CHAPTER    L. 

STERNNA   IN  SCOTLAND— LARRY  O'DOODLE'S  RIDE 
WITH  MISTHRESS  STANLY—TI1E  FUNERAL. 

STERNNA  had  crossed  the  broad  Atlantic  accompanied 
with  a  maid -servant  and  Rory.  As  she  stepped  on 
the  borders  of  her  own  native  country  her  heart  was  moved. 
As  for  Rory,  his  enthusiasm  knew  no  bounds.  Could  she 
and  would  she  ever  learn  to  love  their  old  home  ways  ? 
Could  she  live  forever  amid  a  people  so  foreign  to  her,  com 
ing  as  she  did  from  a  land  of  liberal  thoughts?  These 
people,  with  their  narrow  views,  who  were  constraind  to 
conservative  rules,  would  not  be  likely  to  have  feelings  in 
common  with  her.  She,  with  her  liberal  thoughts,  could 
seemingly  conform  to  them  much  better  than  they  could  to 
her.  Sternna's  fame  had  preceded  her.  Had  Sternna  been 
obscure,  and  never  built  herself  a  name  that  was  destined 
to  live  long  after  she  had  passed  away,  she  would  have 
found  it  much  more  difficult  to  establish  herself  in  her 
rights.  She  did  not  return  to  these  people  a  poor  castaway 
from  an  obscure  corner  of  the  earth,  but  as  one  who  was 
universally  acknowledged  by  superior-minded  people;  there 
was  a  pride  in  having  such  a  member  in  the  family.  In 
that  province  in  which  the  Earl  of  Be' Clue's  estate  lay  the 
news  of  Sternna's  advent  among  them  became  known.  Her 
father's  tenants  loved  him,  one  and  all,  and  loving  him 
must  love  his  child.  From  them  Sternna  learned  much  of 
his  early  life.  She  walked  in  the  long  twilights  peculiar  to 
that  country  among  the  cottagers  upon  her  father's  vast 
estate,  and  talked  with  them.  They  answered  her  ques- 
(430) 


HE  HAS    GONE.  431 

tions  in  broad  Scotch  dialect,  which  in  time  became  so 
familiar  to  her  that  she  anticipated  their  fullest  meaning. 
If  she  approached  these  old-time  folks  they  would  greet 
her  with,  "How  loik!  how  loik  thy  bonnie  mather."  To 
have  disputed  her  right  would  have  been  to  doubt  their  own 
eyes.  "  It  is  our  wee  lady  come  bock  agin."  To  Sternna's 
family  it  was  a  source  of  wonder  that  she  could  pass  so 
much  time  with  these  peasants.  But  real  picturesque  pic 
tures  are  found  in  the  humble  walks  of  life.  Amid  these 
people  she  often  saw  scenes  that  inspired  her  to  paint  char 
acters  such  as  Walter  Scott  would  have  woven  into  romance. 
One  morning  Sternna  seemed  very  much  moved  after  look 
ing  over  her  mail  from  America,  so  much  so  that  it  caused 
one  of  her  aunts  to  ask,  "What  hast  thou  heard,  kins 
woman?"  Sternna  wiped  her  eyes,  and  looking  up  informed 
her  aunt  of  the  death  of  the  old  man  in  whose  cabin  she 
passed  some  days  of  her  infancy.  "  Poor  old  man!  "  said 
Sternna.  She  moved  quickly  over  that  part  of  the  letter 
referring  to  the  old  man's  death  to  things  more  pleasant. 

We  will  go  back  to  America.  The  Old  Hermit  of  the 
Mountains  had  passed  away.  His  last  words  on  earth  were, 
"  Devils,  snakes,  every  one  of  'em."  Madame  Junk  stood 
by  his  bedside,  and  ministered  to  his  last  wants.  She  nursed 
him  tenderly. 

One  night  Madame  Junk  was  aroused  by  Larry  calling, 

"  Misthress  Junks,  dress  yourself,  plase.  The  old  man 
is  going  on  a  long  journey." 

She  hastened  to  the  old  man's  room  just  in  time  to  hear 
his  last  parting  word.  Madame  Junk  stepped  to  the  bed 
side,  and  raised  her  eyes  to  heaven.  Her  lips  moved,  and 
a  heartfelt  silent  appeal  arose  to  the  throne  of  grace  in 
behalf  of  the  old  man. 

"  He  has  gone,  Larry,"  said  Madame  Junk,  turning  round 
as  she  spoke. 

"I  beg  pardon,  Misthress  Junks.  I  did  not  think  he 
would  be  after  setting  out  so  soon." 


432  MADAME    JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

"  "Well,  Larry,  it  is  the  way  of  all  the  earth.  This  life  is 
but  one  step  to  a  life  eternal." 

"  Hiven  ba  praised  for  that/'  echoed  Larry. 

"  You  will  go  to  the  city  as  soon  as  daylight,  and  make 
arrangements  for  the  funeral.  Order  the  undertaker  out, 
call  at  Senator  Smith's,  call  at  Miss  Busy's,  and  on  good 

Dr.  S ."  Madame  Junk  paused  for  a  moment,  and  raised 

her  forefinger  to  her  lips,  as  if  in  meditation.  I  think  I 
will  write  a  note,  Larry.  Call  at  Mr.  Stanly's.  Tell  Mrs. 
Stanly  I  wish  her  to  come  out  this  morning." 

At  the  name  of  Mrs.  Stanly,  Larry  gave  a  little  jump,  that 
was  so  perceptible  that  Madame  Junk  asked  him  what  the 
matter  was. 

"Nothing  but  a  catch  in  me  side,"  replied  Larry,  placing 
his  hand  over  his  heart. 

"  How  thoughtless  I  have  been,  Larry.  You  have  been 
up  night  after  night,  and  are  completely  wearied  out.  I  will 
make  a  strong  cup  of  coffee." 

There  was  real  concern  in  Madame  Junk's  tones,  and  all 
that  Larry  could  do  she  would  make  the  coffee.  Madame 
Junk  always  sent  for  Kate  when  any  great  event  transpired. 
In  trials  where  strength  was  required,  Kate  was  her  strong 
pillar.  Mrs.  Stanly's  clear  reasoning  and  nimble  fingers 
untangled  almost  any  snarl,  however  complicated  it  might 
be. 

By  the  time  the  coffee  was  made  and  drank,  it  was  day 
light,  and  Larry  O'Doodle  went  out  to  saddle  the  American 
Girl,  and  Madame  Junk  proceeded  to  wake  up  the  inmates. 

She  then  addressed  a  short  note  to  the  good  Dr.  S .  By 

the  time  Larry  rode  up  to  the  door,  it  was  sealed  and  super 
scribed.  She  stepped  to  the  door,  handed  it  up  to  Larry, 
at  the  same  time  giving  him  fresh  directions. 

Larry  rode  out  of  the  gate,  and,  putting  spurs  to  the 
American  Girl,  galloped  toward  the  rising  sun.  The  morn 
ing  air  was  fresh,  and  made  his  cheeks  look  rosy.  Larry 
sat  easy  in  his  saddle,  and  looked  as  gay  as  an  Irish  dragoon. 


THE  DRIVE  TO  THE  HOME.         433 

His  thoughts  were  far  in  advance  of  him;  he  was  thinking 
how  he  should  deport  himself  before  these  people.  But,  to 
tell  the  truth,  the  esteem  of  Mrs.  Catharine  Stanly  was 
about  all  he  cared  for.  She  would  come  out  that  day,  of 
course.  The  new  husband  would  not  come  with  her,  and 
Larry  was  glad.  What  was  he  thinking  that  for  ?  Had  not 
Mr.  Stanly  always  been  kind  to  him  ?  Any  of  our  readers 
who  have  ever  been  in  love,  and  had  a  rival,  understands 
that  it  is  the  most  natural  thing  in  the  world  to  make  him 
or  her  out  the  very  embodiment  of  evil.  Larry  O'Doodle 
had  secretly  sworn  to  himself  that  if  he  should  ever  catch 
John  Bull  saying  one  unkind  word  to  his  ideal  saint,  he 
would  nay  him  alive. 

It  was  not  long  before  Larry  arrived  at  Mr.  Stanly's 
house.  How  his  heart  jumped  and  thumped  after  he  had 
delivered  the  message  and  was  told  by  Mr.  Stanly  that  it 
would  be  utterly  impossible  for  him  to  drive  Mrs.  Stanly 
out  that  morning,  and  his  groom  was  laid  up  with  a  lame 
foot. 

"  Suppose,  Larry,  you  put  your  beast  up  in  the  barn 
and  drive  Mrs.  Stanly  out?  It  will,  I  presume,  be  uncer 
tain  when  she  can  return.  You  can  drive  her  in,  can  you 
not?  What  do  you  say  to  that,  Larry?" 

Larry  twirled  his  hat  round  on  his  fist.  The  blood 
mounted  to  his  forehead.  (f  Yes,  Sir,"  was  every  word  he 
could  utter. 

Had  Mr.  Stanly  made  Larry  a  present  of  a  million  of 
dollars  he  would  not  have  been  more  pleased  than  he  was, 
to  ride  five  miles  alone  with  Mr.  Stanly's  wife.  It  was  a 
greater  blessing  than  Larry  ever  expected  to  have  vouch 
safed  to  him.  We  dare  be  sworn  that  he  would  have  sacri 
ficed  every  old  man  in  the  country  if  it  could  bring  about 
such  a  result;  and  although  having  a  great  reverence  for 
women,  we  presume  he  would  have  thrown  in  a  few  old 
women.  Larry  was  not  long  in  bringing  around  the  hand 
some  grays.  There  was  something  of  the  jockey  about  his 
28 


434  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

•way  of  handling  the  ribbons  that  quite  took  Mr.  Stanly's 
eye.  He  would  then  and  there  have  offered  Larry  O'Doodle 
a  situation  as  groom,  but  the  thought  of  removing  such  a 
useful  man  as  Larry  had  become  in  the  Reformatory  Home 
was  against  Mr.  Stanly's  principles. 

Mrs.  Catharine  Stanly  came  tripping  down  the  steps, 
while  her  two  admirers  stood  on  the  walk  thinking  her  the 
most  beautiful  woman  they  ever  saw.  Her  cheeks  were  like 
roses,  and  her  dark  eyes  shone  with  unwonted  lustre  that 
the  least  excitement  always  lent  them.  Her  husband  helped 
her  into  the  carriage,  and  she  ordered  Larry  to  throw  the 
top  far  back,  for  she  wanted  the  clear  morning  air.  Larry 
returned  to  the  horses'  heads  and  held  the  bridle  reins, 
while  Kate  leaned  far  out  over  a  hind  wheel  and  spoke  in 
low  tones  to  her  husband,  but  not  so  low  that  the  quick  ear 
of  Larry  O'Doodle  did  not  catch  the  words. 

' '  My  dear,  I  shall  not  see  }TOU  again  for  all  day.  It  will 
be  such  a  long  time.  Do  be  in  when  I  return,  won't  you?" 

"To  be  sure  I  shall,"  said  Mr.  Stanly,  with  a  laugh. 
< 'All  ready,  Larry!" 

And  Larry  was  climbing  up  to  the  front  seat,  and  the 
grays  were  soon  .in  a  brisk  trot,  while  Catharine  Stanly 
was  throwing  kisses  over  the  hind  wheels  to  her  husband, 
and  he  was  tossing  them  back  by  the  handful.  It  was  some 
ten  minutes  that  Kate  was  wholly  preoccupied  with  her 
self  and  her  other  dear  self.  How  she  loved  that  man!  She 
lived,  as  it  were,  in  the  sunlight  of  his  love.  How  could 
she  bear  it  if  he  should  be  taken  from  her  by  death  ?  How 
well  he  understood  her!  She  might  have  consumed  the 
whole  drive  by  her  own  selfish  thoughts,  had  she  not,  on 
looking  up,  caught  the  expression  on  Larry's  face,  wrhich 
was  so  sorrowful  that  she  felt  to  reproach  herself  for  not 
being  more  attentive.  She  at  once  began  a  voluble  conver 
sation,  embracing  many  things.  How  his  face  changed!  It 
grew  radiant.  She  asked  him  questions  and  seemed  to  take 
such  a  real  interest  in  him  that  it  was  the  happiest  moment 
of  Larry's  life. 


THE    CONVERSATION.  435 

Tlio  reins  slackened  and  the  horses  were  going  their  own 
jog,  while  Larry  turned  half  round  in  his  seat  and  answered 
her  questions.  Among  them  was:  "Did  he  intend  to  re 
main  at  the  Reformatory  Home?" 

"  While  Madame  Junk  lived  he  did.  He  would  not  see 
her  imposed  upon,  as  he  knew  she  would  be.  She  was  get 
ting  old  now  and  needed  a  prop." 

"Yes,  Larry,  that  is  true;  you  have  been  a  good  and 
faithful  friend  to  her.  You  will  be  rewarded  some  time.  I 
shall  not  forget  you,  Larry.  You.  can  always  look  to  me 
as  a  friend.  Touch  the  horses,  Larry.  I  fear  Madame 
Junk  will  be  impatient." 

At  this,  Larry  O'Doodle  squared  himself  on  the  seat  and 
laid  the  long  lash  over  the  horses'  backs  gently,  which  set 
them  clapping  their  shod  hoofs  upon  the  hard  road.  Larry 
looked  at  the  horses'  ears,  and  thought:  "  She  will  not  for 
get  me;  she  is  my  friend."  How  bright  and  beautiful  every 
thing  looked  to  him  as  he  drove  along!  He  had  thought 
he  had  been  born  again,  but  he  was  positive  of  it  now.  He 
glanced  at  familiar  objects  as  they  passed,  but  thought 
alone  of  his  idol. 

Catharine  Stanly  folded  her  shawl  more  closely  over  her 
heart,  as  if  she  would  keep  her  cherished  love  from  the 
rude  glare  of  the  world,  and  thought  alone  of  her  idol  that 
she  will  not  see  again  for  some  hours,  little  dreaming  the 
man  before  her  had  enshrined  her  image  in  his  heart,  never 
to  be  erased. 

"  It  is  a  little  thing  to  give  a  cup  of  water.  Yet  the  cool 
refreshment  drained  by  fevered  lips  may  give  a  shock  of 
pleasure  to  the  frame." 

Larry  O 'Doodle  was  not  presuming;  therefore  it  was  far 
better  Kate  did  not  know  the  real  condition  of  his  feelings. 
He  was  content  to  worship  at  a  distance,  and  one  kind 
word  was  sufficient  for  him  to  live  upon  for  years.  "Why 
withhold  it?  But  had  Catharine  Stanly  known  the  truth, 
Larry  O'Doodle  would  never  have  had  an  opportunity  to 
talk  beans  with  her. 


436  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

Madame  Junk  was  standing  in  the  door  shading  her  eyes 
with  her  hand  when  the  grays  hove  in  sight.  Larry  put  the 
lash  to  the  horses,  making  it  appear  that  he  had  driven  at 
that  jog  all  the  way. 

The  funeral  passed  off  as  all  well-regulated  funerals  do. 
Madame  Junk  insisted  on  having  a  profusion  of  flowers,  and 
long  before  the  undertaker  had  the  body  laid  out  she  began 
composing  the  epitaph.  She  vowed  it  should  be  the  most 
appropriate  thing  extant,  and,  as  for  simplicity,  why,  it  was 
the  very  embodiment  of  it.  It  read  as  follows : 

"BETRAYED  ON  EARTH  AND  TRUSTED  IN  HEAVEN." 

She  would  have  the  good  Dr.  S refer  to  the  poor  old 

man's  disappointment  in  a  delicate  way,  and  if  he  had  not 
always  been  a  Christian  there  was  a  reason  for  it.  Madame 
Junk  insisted  on  appearing  in  black  at  the  funeral.  When 
remonstrated  with  by  Kate,  she  said,  "Poor  old  man,  I 
should  not  consider  there  had  been  a  decent  funeral  with 
no  one  in  black  to  follow  him  to  the  grave."  A  stranger 
might  suppose  Madame  Junk  was  the  widow  of  the  deceased. 
Although  there  were  no  tears  shed,  Madame  Junk  drew  her 
black  veil  down  closely  over  her  face.  It  was  not  possible 
to  regret  his  death,  for  the  old  man  had  long  been  a  burden 
to  himself. 

Madame  Junk  had  gained  fame  as  an  epitaph  writer. 
Lone  widows  from  time  to  time  called  upon  her  for  a  few 
neat  and  appropriate  words  to  be  placed  upon  their  dear 
departeds3  tombstones.  If  the  deceased  had  one  spark  of 
goodness  in  him,  that  was  made  the  most  of;  and  the  world 
was  not  allowed  to  forget  a  man's  virtues  if  Madame  Junk 
had  a  hand  in  writing  his  epitaph. 


CHAPTEK    LI. 

THE  GOOD  AND  BAD  ANGELS— MADAME  JUNK'S  PRES 
ENT— HALF-STARVED  CHURCH  MEMBERS. 

K.  SPLINTEK,  it  is  against  our  rules  to  allow  an 
inmate  to  go  into  the  city  so  soon  after  being 
taken  into  the  Home.  You  say  you  know  a  man  who  is 
desirous  of  being  reformed.  I  was  about  to  suggest  that 
Larry  O'Doodle  go  in  and  bring  him  out,  but  in  this  instance 
I  will  make  an  exception  to  my  rules.  Is  he  a  very  bad 
man  ?  "  asked  Madame  Junk,  in  a  timid  tone. 

"  Oh,  he  never  murdered  any  one;  he  is  not  a  thief,"  said 
Splinter,  in  a  tone  of  voice  that  would  imply  that  there  were 
a  lot  of  miscellaneous  sins  which  were  sadly  in  need  of 
being  sorted. 

"  What  seems  to  be  the  matter  with  this  man  ?  When  a 
physician  gives  a  diagnosis  of  a  disease  he  would  like  to  get 
at  the  main  points  in  the  case/3 

"  Well,  there  is  nothing  so  dreadful  bad  about  him;  he  is 
intemperate  and  indolent/' 

"  Don't  you  call  that  dreadful  bad  ?  For  my  part  I  think 
it  one  of  the  worst  vices." 

"  Well,  it  is  bad  enough,  that  is  true;  but  you  know  it  is 
easier  for  a  drunken  man  to  become  sober  than  for  a  fool  to 
grow  wise." 

Madame  Junk  looked  at  Splinter  over  her  glasses,  then 
through  them. 

"  Mr.  Splinter,  your  life  seems  to  have  been  a  mistake. 
Nature  fitted  you  to  adorn  society  in  place  of  the  life  you 


have  been  leading." 


(437) 


MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

"My  good  lady,  Dame  Nature  has  been  tricking  herself 
then  for  many  a  year/' 

"  Yes,  yes,"  queried  Madame  Junk;  "we  should  have  had 
a  home  for  such  as  you  years  ago.  I  am  grieved  beyond 
measure  that  I  have  not  the  power  to  erect  a  home  for  young 
wanderers,  to  educate  them,  and  teach  them  the  love  of 
God.  O  Lord!  I  am  thy  willing  servant.  I  pray  Thou 
mayest  find  young,  strong  hearts  and  willing  hands  to  do 
Thy  work.  Would  to  God  I  could  take  each  erring  child 
of  thine,  and  teach  it  to  walk  the  path  of  rectitude  and  vir 
tue.  O  God!  for  all  such  I  ask  thy  especial  blessing." 

It  was  an  impromptu  prayer  arising  from  Madame  Junk's 
religious  fervor. 

Again  the  still  small  voice  of  a  better  nature  whispered, 
"  Eepent,  repent,  Tom  Splinter!  repent,  and  be  saved!" 

Again  the  evil  one  approached,  and  whispered,  "Fool! 
craven!  'tis  too  late." 

Neither  Madame  Junk  nor  Tom  Splinter  spoke  for  some 
minutes.  Splinter  was  the  first  to  break  the  silence. 

"  Madame,  you  should  have  no  regrets.  You  have  done 
your  duty  nobly." 

"  Then  you  appreciate  my  efforts  ?" 

"  Who  could  look  on  your  work,  and  not  appreciate  it?" 

"Those  who  understand  the  high  and  holy  work  of  others 
should  be  able  to  do  one  themselves." 

Again  the  voice  whispered,  "  True,  tine!" 

"  But,"  said  Splinter,  coming  back  with  Madame  Junk's 
own  argument,  "  we  are  not  all  born  right." 

"  But,  Mr.  Splinter,  a  man  who  understands  that  he  was 
not  born  right  has  the  control  of  his  own  reform." 

"  Not  if  he  is  composed  of  coarse  material." 

"No  man  is  wholly  coarse  who  comprehends  his  own  sins, 
his  own  deficiencies.  With  a  knowledge  of  what  he  should 
be  there  comes  the  desire  to  be  something  better.  '  Ask,  and 
ye  shall  receive;  knock,  and  it  shall  be  opened  unto  you.' 
Every  prayer  that  goeth  up  asking  that  the  highest  spiritual 


THE  SPIRIT  IS  WILLING,  BUT  THE  FLESH  IS  WEAK.    439 

nature  be  brought  to  the  front  to  do  God's  most  holy  work 
•will  be  answered." 

"  The  spirit  may  be  willing,  but  the  flesh  is  weak,"  said 
Tom,  quoting  Scripture  in  turn. 

"  By  the  aid  of  prayer,  the  flesh  maybe  made  subservient 
to  the  spirit." 

"  Not  if  the  flesh  is  the  strongest." 

"  The  spirit  of  man  has  always  been  able  to  cope  with 
brutes,"  said  Madame  Junk,  with  a  smile;  "  and  men  with 
strong  brute  nature  can  bring  it  into  subjection  by  strength 
ening  the  spirit  with  prayer.  Mr.  Splinter,  I  do  not  believe 
in  total  depravity/* 

Tom  Splinter  arose  from  his  chair;  his  face  flushed  red, 
and  then  grew  white.  There  was  for  a  moment  a  stony 
stare  in  the  large  blue  eyes.  Madame  Junk  looked  sur 
prised  at  this  strong  emotion,  and  still  more  so  when  he 
walked  toward  the  door,  and  turned  around  with  something 
of  his  old  sangfroid,  and  said, 

"  Madame,  I  hope  you  will  never  have  cause  to  change 
your  opinion."  He  passed  out,  and  left  Madame  Junk  in  a 
state  of  wonderment. 

In  that  moment  the  dark  angel  battled  with  conscience, 
and  came  out  victorious. 

Again  the  American  Girl  stood  before  a  load  of  cabbage 
and  a  few  "  beautiful  banes,"  and  sundry  other  garden 
truck.  Madame  Junk  and  Larry  O'Doodle  stood  in  the 
door. 

"  What  is  the  man  after  going  for?"  asked  Larry. 

"Why,  you  see,  Larry,  there  is  another  man  who  is  in 
need  of  help." 

"Well,  Misthress  Junks,  'tis  meself  that  is  hoping  you 
will  not  ba  after  getting  yourself  into  trouble  wid  your 
kindness." 

"  I  must  not  think  of  that." 

"Another  'orphund'  like  meself?" 

"  Larry,  we  are  none  of  us  orphans^  for  God  is  our  father 
and  mother." 


44-O  MADAME    JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

"A  divil  of  a  lot  that'll  not  ba  after  sajdng  their  father 
and  mother,  I  am  thinking.  I'm  afeard  you  be  too  flush 
wid  your  kindness/' 

"  Oh,  no  danger,  Larry;  no  one  ever  did  herself  harm  by 
being  kind  to  others." 

"  Is  American  Girl  to  cart  out  the  new  load  of  sin?" 

"The  what,  Larry?" 

"The  new  man  that  is  to  ba  born  agin." 

"Oh,  we  will  see.  Ho  there,  Mr.  Splinter!"  hallooed 
Madame  Junk  to  Tom  Splinter,  who  was  walking  in  the 
garden  with  his  hands  crossed  behind  him  in  deep  medita 
tion.  He  uncrossed  his  hands  and  walked  to  where  Madame 
Junk  and  Larry  stood. 

"I  wish  to  ask  if  your  friend  will  ride  with  you  and 
Larry  this  evening  ?  " 

Tom  Splinter  cast  his  eyes  to  the  ground.  His  face  was 
covered  with  confusion.  This  woman's  kindness  seemed 
almost  too  much  for  him.  How  he  did  wish  she  would  show 
some  arrogance,  some  suspicion.  But  this  everlasting  trust 
ing,  confiding  kindness  was  almost  too  much  for  an  Ameri 
can  criminal.  Something  of  the  old  Puritan  blood  runs  in 
the  veins  of  the  lowest  of  them.  To  lay  violent  hands  on  a 
woman  brands  the  American  man  as  a  coward;  but  in  all 
other  sorts  of  knavery,  political  and  otherwise,  he  can,  as 
we  have  said  before,  out-general  the  world. 

Had  Madame  Junk  been  a  man,  and  actuated  by  the  same 
principles,  Torn  Splinter  would  have  had  no  scruples  what 
ever,  but  as  it  was  he  wished  himself  out  of  the  scrape  more 
than  once.  If  he  did  sometimes  falter,  and  his  foot  trip, 
he  would  not  be  likely  to  fail  where  there  was  a  big  job  with 
money  in  it.  "  The  veiy  idea  of  tricking  an  honest  woman 
goes  against  my  grain,  but  it  cannot  be  helped  now.  I'll 
be  hanged  if  I  don't  make  it  all  right  with  the  old  lady 
some  time.  If  I  should  die  worth  a  million  I  will  give  her 
every  cent  of  it."  We  have  written  some  of  his  thoughts 
while  Madame  Junk  was  waiting  for  his  answer.  His  face 


A    KIND    STAB.  44! 

recovered  its  lively  expression,  and  at  last  he  spoke  in  tones 
that  were  "childlike  and  bland:" 

"Pray  excuse  me,  Madame,  for  keeping  you  waiting  so 
long  for  my  answer."  (Splinter  felt  that  the  eye  of  Larry 
O'Doodle  was  upon  him.)  "  Don't  you  think  it  would  be  as 
well  for  me  to  walk  out  with  this  man?  I  would  like  to 
make  him  acquainted  with  the  rules  and  regulations  of  this 
Home.  You  see,  I  feel  the  responsibility  of  introducing  a 
man  of  doubtful  reputation  into  your  good  Home.  If  you 
will  allow  me,  I  will  keep  an  eye  on  this  man." 

"Mr.  Splinter,  you  have  no  idea  how  much  I  appreciate 
your  kindly  interest  in  this  work.  I  feel  that  you  will  yet 
be  of  great  use  in  this  Reformatory  Home." 

How  Tom  Splinter  wished  she  would  not  say  that !  He 
only  bowed  with  real  diffidence. 

"  Then  I  have  your  consent  to  use  my  own  judgment  in 
this  case?" 

"  Most  certainly,"  replied  Madame  Junk;  "a  man  who 
has  shown  such  excellent  judgment  cannot  fail  to  do  the 
right  thing." 

With  this  kindly  stab  from  the  lady,  Tom  Splinter  walked 
out  of  the  great  gate  and  took  his  course  toward  the  city. 

Madame  Junk  returned  to  her  own  little  drawing-room, 
sat  down  and  looked  up  to  a  picture  on  the  wall  and  thought 
of  the  long-ago.  We  have  never  shown  this  picture  to  the 
reader.  We  have  a  spare  moment  and  will  do  so  now. 

Before  Sternna  left  America  for  Europe,  she  wished  to 
make  Mother  Junk  a  present  of  something  from  her  art — 
something  of  the  past  from  out  her  own  life.  She  thought 
of  Joel  with  his  bundle  of  newspapers  on  his  back,  the  lit 
tle  kitten,  the  room  and  the  bed  in  which  she  used  to  sleep 
with  Mother  Junk;  the  many  old  tramps  that  used  to  come 
to  the  door  to  be  dressed  up,  and  how  frightened  she  was 
at  their  red  faces  and  wicked-looking  eyes;  how  kind  Mad 
ame  Junk  used  to  be  to  them,  and  how  they  would  wear 
out  the  clothes  and  come  back  for  more,  with  faces  redder 


442  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

than  before.  She  remembered  that  Samuel  Blower  was 
kind  to  her,  and,  with  all  of  his  stinginess  to  others,  he 
would  sometimes  give  her  sweetmeats;  and  one  Christmas 
he  gave  her  a  doll,  which  she  named  Samuel,  out  of  grati 
tude.  It  was  a  girl  doll,  and  Sternna  did  not  admire  the 
name  of  Samuel,  but  it  was  the  only  way  she  could  honor 
her  patron.  She  remembered  how  very  much  pleased  he 
seemed  at  the  time,  and  how  immoderately  he  laughed, 
which  led  her  to  suppose  he  was  as  delighted  as  a  man 
could  well  be.  She  remembered  he  told  her  to  call  it 
Sammy  for  short,  for  Samuel  was  much  too  big  a  name  for 
a  girl  doll.  She  thought  of  George  Gregory  Glewer,  how 
they  used  to  sit  at  Miss  Busy's  table,  with  their  heads  to 
gether,  and  look  at  pictures.  She  thought  of  Carrie  and 
the  robin,  and  last  of  all  the  Senator.  She  thought  how  he 
had  befriended  her  when  she  needed  a  friend;  she  felt  that 
she  owed  all  her  success  to  him.  Tears  were  trickling  down 
her  cheeks  as  Madame  Junk  entered  the  room. 

"  My  child  in  tears!     What  is  the  matter?" 

"  Ketrospecting,"  said  Sternna,  looking  up  with  a  smile. 

"  It  is  well  to  do  so,"  said  Madame  Jnnk,  "  if  we  do  it 
with  satisfaction;  but  I  regret  that  your  retrospect  brings 
tears." 

"  They  are  not  tears  of  sorrow,  mother.  The  remem 
brance  of  past  kindness  may  bring  tears." 

"  That  is  true,  my  dear.     I  know  it  from  experience." 

"  Mother,  you  remember  that  dress  you  made  for  me, 
covered  with  huge  bouquets  ?" 

"Why,  certainly;  I  have  it  yet.  I  would  not  part  with 
it  for  anything.  It  was  made  out  of  one  that  used  to  be  my 
grandmother's,  and  the  material  is  one  hundred  years  old." 

"  Is  it  possible?" 

"  Yes;  the  cloth  came  from  England." 

"  I  am  very  glad  you  have  it.  The  few  remaining  days 
I  shall  spend  with  you  must  be  devoted  to  painting  my  pic 
ture,  as  I  looked  in  that  dress  at  that  age." 


THE    CAT    WAS   ALIVE,    HE    KNEW.  443 

"  Glorious!"  exclaimed  Madame  Junk,  clapping  her  hands. 
(C  I  shall  prize  it  above  all;"  and  this  time  tears  came  into 
her  eyes  from  the  same  joyful  fountain  which  had  started 
Sternna's. 

"  But,  my  child,  where  will  you  get  the  face  and  form  as 
you  looked  then  ?" 

"  I  will  take  it  from  my  own  fancy.  I  will  leave  you  to 
judge  if  it  is  a  correct  likeness  or  not  when  the  picture  is 
finished.  Miss  Busy  will  also  be  a  good  judge,  for  she  must 
remember  me  as  I  looked  then." 

Accordingly  the  work  was  begun,  and  the  fifth  day  it  was 
completed.  Then  the  little  girl  stood  forth,  and  the  flowers 
on  her  dress;  the  little  feet  incased  in  the  shoes  that  were 
too  long,  and  turned  up  at  the  toes,  and  the  bright  steel 
buckles  shining  like  burnished  silver.  There  was  the  real 
lace  about  the  neck.  There  she  stood  with  her  pet  kitten. 
The  background  was  composed  of  an  old  cane-seated  chair 
and  a  small  tea-chest,  on  which  were  large  Japanese  char 
acters.  Over  the  edge  of  this  box  hung  a  piece  of  red  flan 
nel.  This  was  the  kitten's  sleeping  apartment.  Seated  in 
the  chair  was  Samuel  the  doll,  sitting  as  erect  as  a  newly- 
elected  president  (pro  tern.)  of  an  ice  company,  staring  at 
you  with  her  glass  eyes,  her  flaxen  ringlets  laid  to  the  front; 
her  best  dress  fastened  at  the  neck  with  a  blue  glass  breast 
pin  larger  than  her  face.  Yes,  indeed,  that  was  Samuel  all 
over ! 

Madame  Junk  could  not  find  words  to  express  her  de 
light.  She  declared  that  not  only  Sternna's  likeness  was 
perfect,  as  she  looked  at  that  time,  but  Samuel's  was  also 
good;  and  there  was  that  tortoise-shell  cat  to  a  spot.  "Won 
derful!  wonderful,  indeed!  So  great  was  her  joy  that  she 
must  have  the  inmates  see  it.  Miss  Josephine  Blessing  was 
the  first  summoned,  and  pronounced  it  a  marvel.  Next 
Larry  O'Doodle,  of  the  five  acres:  "  Indade,  the  little  girl 
will  ba  after  sphaking!  Och!  begorra!  the  cat  is  alive, 
I  know."  Next  in  order  was  Two-fifty,  whose  remark 


444        MADAME  JANE  JUNK  AND  JOE. 

pleased  Sternna,  because  she  knew  it  was  true.  The  first 
word  she  said  was,  "  Oh!  dat  ist  der  leetle  girl  vat  comes 
mit  you  by  me  ven  Ich  vas  in  pusiness."  This  was  all  the 
more  valuable  to  Sternna,  as  she  knew  the  old  woman  was 
not  aware  that  she  was  painting  the  picture. 

This  picture  was  painted  about  the  time  Tom  Splinter 
entered  the  Home  for  Reforming  Depraved  Humanity. 

Madame  Junk  rapped  softly  at  his  door : 

"Mr.  Splinter!  Mr.  Splinter!  do  come  out,  and  see  my 
beautiful  present.3' 

Splinter  opened  his  door,  and  followed  Madame  Junk  to 
her  room,  where  Madame  Junk  explained  to  him  that  this 
picture  represented  the  artist  when  she  was  a  very  little  girl. 
He  looked  at  Sternna,  then  at  the  picture;  said  he  could 
trace  a  resemblance;  did  not  know  that  he  was  competent 
to  judge.  But  there  was  one  thing  he  did  know:  that  cat 
could  not  be  outdone  by  any  artist  in  the  world.  As  he 
spoke,  he  gave  a  look  of  reverence  to  Sternna,  which  was 
returned  by  a  mute  appeal  from  her  eyes,  which  spoke  as 
plainly  as  words,  ""Why  have  you  done  thus?  You  have 
done  the  wrong  knowingly." 

The  evil  genius  drew  near,  and  whispered,  "  Out  of  this 
room,  double-dyed  villain,  and  never  again  desecrate  pure 
womanhood  by  thy  presence."  His  departure  was  so  ab 
rupt  that  Madame  Junk  and  Sternna  exchanged  significant 
glances. 

The  reader  will  remember  this  was  a  scene  that  transpired 
before  Sternna  left  America  the  second  time,  and  before  the 
Old  Hermit  of  the  Mountains  died.  Certainly  he  must  be 
called  to  share  in  Madame  Junk's  joy.  He  had  grown  quite 
deaf  with  his  imbecility,  and  Madame  Junk  came  quite  close 
to  his  ear,  and  hallooed  at  the  top  of  her  voice: 

"  This  is  the  little  girl  that  was  up  in  the  mountains  with 
you  when  she  was  a  baby.  Don't  you  remember  how  you 
used  to  feed  her  ?  Don't  you  remember  the  wee  thing  ?" 
hallooed  Madame  Junk  still  louder. 


THE    OLD    HERMIT.  445 

"  Yes,  yes!"  snarled  the  old  man;  "  the  thing  was  a  girl. 
More  devils!  more  devils!  A  little  devil  that  will  grow  into 
a  big  devil,  that  will  grow  into  a  snake  that  will  wind  and 
wind,  and  bite  and  bite  a  man's  heart  out.  I  know  'em !  I 
know  'em!  The  devil  has  got  my  liver  and  lights,  and  ran 
away  with  'em.  Devils!  devils!  snakes,  every  one  of 'em !'' 

"  Poor  old  man,"  said  Madame  Junk,  leading  him  from 
the  room;  "what  a  pity  he  was  not  born  right.  How  his 
mind  wanders;  he  looks  upon  all  women  as  enemies." 

"  'Tis  meself  that  is  thinking  he'll  ba  making  a  tourch- 
light  of  this  house  to  light  him  into  the  next  world,"  said 
Larry  O 'Doodle,  as  Madame  Junk  passed  down  the  hall 
leading  the  old  man  to  his  room. 

In  these  days,  Madame  Junk  was  in  a  hilarious  mood.  It 
had  been  a  long  time  since  she  took  the  presidential  chair, 
and  everything  was  running  as  smoothly  as  any  president 
of  the  United  States  could  wish.  Her  inmates  were  becom 
ing  divested  of  their  coarse  material  and  putting  on  the 
habiliments  of  more  spiritual  refinement.  -Every  one 
spoke  well  of  her,  and  the  press  praised  her;  a  thing,  I  can 
tell  you,  gentle  reader,  not  to  be  sneezed  at  in  this  day  and 
age.  The  Senator  drove  out  once  a  week,  behind  his  four- 
in-hand,  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Joel  Fletcher,  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Stanly. 
You  should  have  seen  Larry  O'Doodle  jump  when  they 
drove  up.  No  man  could  have  paid  him  for  holding  the 
bridle-reins  as  did  the  few  words  Mrs.  Stanly  spoke  to  him. 
She  was  wont  to  say,  "Well,  Larry,  how  do  you  get  along 
with  your  garden  ?  " 

"  Save  in  your  presences,  Misthress  Stanly,  the  banes  are 
rale  nice.  'Tis  meself  that  has  been  wishing  you  wad  fancy 
a  taste  of  thirn." 

"I  should  very  much  like  a  taste  of  them,  Larry,  if  you 
have  them  to  spare.  I  know  they  are  nice,  you  take  so 
much  care  to  grow  them." 

"Larry  O'Doodle  wad  not  ba  knowing  banes  till  this  day 
but  for  you,  Misthress  Stanly." 


446  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

With  a  little  laugli  Kate  tripped  up  the  steps,  looking 
over  her  shoulder,  saying:  "  Oh,  Larry,  not  so  bad  as  that." 

These  were  happy  days  for  Madame  Junk.  She  was 
doing  a  good  work,  which  she  was  pleased  to  term  tho 
"Ancient  Order  of  God."  Not  alone  was  she  gaining  a 
wide  reputation,  a  world-wide  fame;  and  if  that  was  the 
last  consideration  it  was  not  the  least,  for  Madame  Junk 
was  as  much  a  woman  in  those  regards  as  most  of  her  sex. 
As  the  Senator  once  remarked,  when  his  little  daughter 
asked  him  in  a  letter,  "  Papa,  what  is  social  caste  ?  "  "There 
is  not  a  woman  in  the  world  but  would  like  to  be  a  queen 
if  she  could/'  We  are  inclined  to  agree  with  him  that,  hot 
even  in  Republican  America  can  we  find  one.  Madame 
Junk's  prolific  brain  was  ever  on  the  alert  for  reform.  She 
had  deep-laid  schemes.  She  would  harness  up  creation; 
would  buckle  in  the  wealthy  men  with  their  untold  millions; 
would  enlist  the  clergy,  draw  them  up  in  line  of  battle,  and 
make  them  fight  the  good  fight.  Who  shall  dare  stop  a  phi 
lanthropic  soul  bent  upon  a  good  work  ?  There  was  no  whoa 
to  it,  nor  no,  either.  A  home  must  be  provided  for  young 
vagabond  boys;  they  must  be  fed,  clothed,  housed  and 

schooled.  It  could  be  done,  why  not?  The  good  Dr.  S 

as  well  as  several  other  leading  clergymen  were  ready  to  in 
dorse  it.  Madame  Junk  set  the  ball  in  motion,  and  thus 
several  men  of  God  would  preach  it  from  their  pulpits  the 
very  next  Sabbath.  The  pillars  of  the  church  must  sup 
port  it,  and  what  the  pillars  support  the  congregation  is 
bound  to  back  up — back  up  with  all  the  cash  they  can  spare, 
not  infrequently  stinting  themselves,  until  it  would  be  a  real 
mercy  for  some  one  to  give  them  a  square  meal.  There  is 
no  limit  to  the  aspirations  of  society  and  the  struggling 
and  suffering  of  its  individual  members.  They  would  oft- 
times  exceed  the  worst  case  which  Madame  Junk  had  ever 
picked  up  in  the  lower  or  middle  walks  of  life.  Their  names 
must  cuddle-up  on  the  subscription  list  beside  those  of 
their  neighbors  who  are  worth  a  great  sight  more  and  can 


THE    SUBSCRIPTION    LIST.  447 

well  afford  it.  We  make  mention  of  this  for  the  benefit  of 
those  who  we  know  will  "be  called  upon,  and  who  we  know 
must  suffer  by  subscribing  twenty-five  dollars  toward  this 
home  for  vagrant  boys.  If  our  words  will  offer  the  least 
encouragement  to  this  class  we  shall  feel  abundantly  paid 
for  having  written  them.  Take  courage,  my  friends,  and 
say:  "No;  I  will  not  support  a  burlesque  on  charity." 
Maintain  your  own  self  respect  and  not  false  appearances. 
We  have  taken  time  by  the  forelock,  and  written  this  little 

sermon  in  advance  of  good  Dr.  S ,  who  will  give  out 

next  Sabbath  that  it  is  the  duty  of  every  one  of  his  congre 
gation  to  contribute  liberally  to  this  godly  work;  and  we 
fear  there  are  few,  if  any,  among  them  who  will  have  the 
courage  to  refuse. 

Hold  on,  my  good  Dr.  S— — .  He  "who  tempers  the 
wind  to  the  shorn  lamb"  knows  the  suffering  of  the  indi 
viduals  in  thy  flock.  Good  Dr.  S ,  you  are  not  arbitrary, 

but  the  society  of  which  you  form  a  part  is  so  beyond 
measure.  The  monopoly  of  society  demands  the  highest 
price  paid  for  passports  to  heaven.  When  God  said:  "  In 
asmuch  as  ye  do  unto  men  in  my  name,  ye  do  unto  me,"  it 
is  to  be  inferred  that  this  portion  of  Scripture  means  what 
we  do  willingly  and  with  the  true  spirit;  not  what  we  do 
for  self-aggrandizement,  or  to  pamper  our  pride. 


CHAPTER  LII. 

MISCHIEF  ABROAD— TALK  OF  REVISING  THE  WORK 
ON  THE  PROPER  PROPAGATION  OF  THE  AMERICAN 
RACE. 

r~J"~lHE  rain}r  season  had  set  in  much  earlier  than  was 
JL  usual  in  California.  Such  of  the  inhabitants  as  had 
comfortable  homes  could  be  found  in  them  evenings.  No 
one  could  be  found  on  the  streets  late  at  night  just  for  the 
love  of  walking.  The  city  of  San  Francisco  was  as  silent 
as  a  city  could  be  under  a  prolonged  shower-bath;  for  when 
Dame  Nature  chose  to  wash  the  face  of  the  earth  in  that 
quarter  it  was  not  done  in  small  puddles,  but  the  reservoirs 
of  the  clouds  broke  their  ethereal  dams  and  drenched  the 
brown  hillsides  until  they  grew  green  again.  The  trees 
shook  their  leaves  beneath  the  baptism,  and  in  gratitude  to 
heaven  for  a  copious  draught  shot  forth  young  buds  which 
would  yield  to  the  inhabitants  the  largest  fruit  and  bright 
est  flowers  in  all  the  world. 

There  was  a  small  sail-boat  careering  about  the  bay;  there 
were  two  men  on  board.  The  two  sails  were  flung  to  the 
breeze  and  she  was  steering  toward  shore.  As  she  neared, 
the  sails  were  taken  in  and  she  was  anchored  in  shallow 
water. 

"Will  Tom  fail  us,  think  you?"  said  one  man  to  the  other. 

"Fail  us!  What  are  you  talking  about?  Why,  it  is  a 
dead  open  and  shut.  Fail  us!  I  have  been  in  the  business 
well  on  to  fifteen  years,  and  I  have  never  seen  a  better  put- 
up  job  than  this!" 

"Well,  I  hope  so.     I  don't  want  to  run  my  head  into  a 
noose  for  nothing." 
(448) 


PLACING    HIS    NAME    TO   THE    NOTE.  449 

t(  'T  wouldn't  be  out  of  place  if  you  should.  You're  a 
spoony  anyhow,  to  get  afraid  of  your  own  shadow/' 

"  Hush!  there  is  a  man  coming." 

Before  this  short  sentence  was  finished,  Tom  Splinter 
stood  at  the  water's  edge. 

"  Put  out  your  plank,"  he  said,  in  a  hoarse  whisper,  mak 
ing  a  speaking-tube  of  his  hands. 

The  two  men  sprung  to  their  feet  and  shoved  the  plank 
over  the  side  of  the  boat.  Tom  Splinter  seized  the  end  and 
placed  it  011  the  sand.  He  then  walked  on  board  and  sat 
clown  beside  one  and  opposite  the  other.  All  three  remained 
silent  for  some  moments,  when  one  of  the  men,  becoming 
impatient,  said: 

"  I  guess,  Tom,  the  news  ain't  very  good,  or  you  would 
blow  it." 

* '  I  have  never  seen  a  great  blower  that  was  a  great  doer. 
Do  your  work  and  then  talk." 

"  That  is  all  very  well;  but  when  a  man  gets  another  to 
do  a  job  of  work  he  has  got  to  tell  him  what  to  do." 

"  Don't  be  in  such  a  devil  of  a  hurry  about  getting  to 
work.  You'll  have  as  much  as  you'll  want  to  do  before 
morning." 

"Well,  that  sounds  like  it,  Captain,"  said  the  man,  reach 
ing  over  and  giving  his  companion  a  nudge  in  the  ribs. 

"What  is  the  hour?"  asked  Tom  Splinter. 

"It's  near  on  to  ten  o'clock,"  said  the  man,  drawing  a 
huge  silver  watch  from  his  breast,  and  striking  a  match  on 
a  tinder  box.  He  held  it  close  down  to  the  face  of  the 
watch  and  found  it  wanted  ten  minutes  to  ten  exactly,  as 
he  expressed  it. 

"You  will  get  devilish  tired  of  waiting,  for  it  will  be 
plum  two  in  the  morning  before  we  set  sail." 

"  All  right,  my  hearty  !  We  will  snooze  by  turns  in  the 
bottom  of  the  boat." 

"  Well,  that'll  do,  as  long  as  you  are  not  caught  napping. 
Anyway,  I  don't  suppose  there  is  any  danger  such  a  night 
29 


45 O  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

as  this."  As  Tom  Splinter  spoke,  he  arose,  and  would  have 
walked  off  the  plank  to  the  shore  had  not  one  of  the  men 
caught  him  by  the  arm. 

"  Look  ahere,  old  chap,  what  security  do  you  give  us  that 
you  are  not  bilking  us '?" 

"  Gentlemen,  I  can  give  you  nothing  but  my  word." 

"  Don't  come  your  gentlemen  on  us.  Your  word  maybe 
all  right,  but  I'd  rather  have  your  note." 

"Note,  you  fool!  How  can  I  give  you  a  note  a  dark 
night  like  this,  and  no  light,  and  nothing  to  write  with." 

' '  Ah  yes !  I  thought  of  all  that  before  we  started.  Here 
is  the  note,  and  here  is  a  bit  of  a  candle.  All  you've  got  to 
do  is  to  stick  your  name  at  the  bottom." 

"  You  infernal  idiot!  do  you  think  I'll  place  my  name  to 
a  document  that  I " 

"I  don't  know  what  you  will  do.  I  know  what  I'll  do, 
and  that  very  lively.  I'll  put  up  these  'ere  sails,  and  put 
out  of  here,  and  leave  you  to  suck  your  thumbs." 

"  But,  gentlemen,  you  must  see  the  unreasonableness  of 
your  asking  a  man  to  affix  his  name  to  something  he  has  not 
even  read." 

"  "Well,  Mr.  Splinter,  if  you  are  going  to  cry  about  a  little 
thing  of  that  kind,  I  will  let  you  read  it."  He  turned  the 
light  full  upon  the  bit  of  paper,  and  held  both  before  Mr. 
Splinter's  face. 

As  Tom  read,  he  bit  his  under-lip  until  the  blood  almost 
started.  His  eyes  seemed  starting  from  their  sockets;  his 
face  grew  leaden  color.  He  gasped  for  breath,  and  placed 
his  right  hand  over  his  eyes;  he  turned  his  head  aside. 
There  was  a  choking  sound  in  his  throat.  When  his  voice 
came,  he  yelled  like  a  madman: 

* c  Cowards !  cutthroats !  murderers !  I  will  not  do  it !  I 
will  not  do  it!" 

"Ha!  ha!  ha!  We  thought  so.  You  don't  seem  to  re 
member  the  jobs  you  have  put  up  for  us,  and  you  thought 
you  had  another  to-night.  Ha!  ha!  Look  at  him  squirm! 


YES    OR    NO    IS    THE    WORD.  451 

He  is  a  rum  'un,  anyhow.  No,  Mr.  Splinter,  you  have 
played  us  green  'uns  smart  long  enough.  We  thought  we'd 
catch  you  after  a  bit;  and  here  you  are,  one  of  the  finest 
stool-pigeons  a  gentleman  could  wish  to  fire  at.  Yes  or  no 
is  the  word.  The  game  is  up  if  you  say  no." 

"  And  if  I  say  yes,  it  is  the  same,"  replied  Tom  Splinter, 
in  despair.  Look  here,  gentlemen,  I  will  tell  you  what  we 
will  do:  let  us  give  up  the  job." 

"No,  you  don't.  It  is  too  fat  a  thing  to  let  it  slip  through 
our  fingers  in  that  way." 

"Do  you  want  to  see  me  hung?"  said  Tom  Splinter, 
shaking,  as  if  he  already  felt  the  rope  about  his  neck. 

"You'll  be  hung,  anyway;  and  you  might  as  well  be  hung 
for  an  old  sheep  as  a  lamb." 

' '  You  hellons !  you  monsters !  that  will  decoy  a  comrade 
into  such  a  trap!" 

"  You  can  talk  very  fine.  Do  you  remember  the  poor  old 
man  I  undertook  to  rob  to  keep  you  in  the  '  Ready,  Joe 
Davis'"  (meaning  money);  "  and  how  he  resisted  me?  Then 
I  murdered  him.  I  see  his  eyes  now!  No,  no,  Tom  Splin 
ter!  When  I  think  of  the  crimes  you  have  made  us  commit, 
I  would  not  let  you  off  if  you  would  give  me  a  million! 
No,  sir-ee,  my  hearty;  there  ain't  any  road  for  you  to  go 
but  straight  up  to  the  gibbet;  and  there  ain't  salt  enough  in 
the  world  to  save  you." 

All  this  time  Tom  remained  in  a  thoughtful  mood. 
Whether  he  was  thinking  how  he  could  elude  the  grasp  of 
the  villains,  or  whether  he  was  resigned,  at  all  events  he 
said,  in  a  clear,  calm  voice, 

"  Hand  me  the  paper.     I  will  put  my  name  to  it." 

"  There,  that  is  business;  I  like  that.  When  a  man  has 
a  bad  job  to  do,  it  is  best  to  take  right  hold  and  do  it." 

"  Hold  your  tongue,  you  fool,"  said  Tom  Splinter,  with 
so  much  of  his  old  command,  that  the  man  gave  a  little 
start,  and  forgot  for  a  moment  that  Tom  was  not  still  in 
power. 


452  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

"Look  here,  Tom  Splinter,  none  of  your  impudence  to 
me.  You  can't  bully  any  longer." 

"  Hold  the  light,  you  fool." 

The  light  was  turned  upon  Tom's  face.  His  hand  shook 
as  he  dipped  the  pen  in  the  inkstand  which  one  of  the  men 
held.  His  face,  was  all  contortion.  His  intense  agony 
"brought  forth  cold  perspiration,  which  trickled  down  his 
cheeks  like  rain.  In  that  moment  of  horror  he  felt  as  one 
signing  his  own  death-warrant. 

"  There,  Mr.  Splinter,  you  can  go  now.  You  will  be  here 
at  two  o'clock  ?" 

"  If  I  am  living,"  replied  Tom  Splinter. 

"Oh!  if  you  are  going  to  commit  susancide,  this  is  the 
best  place  you  will  find.  Just  hitch  this  piece  of  iron  to 
your  neck  and  jump  right  in,"  said  the  man,  with  a  jeer. 
"We  shall  be  here  to  attend  the  funeral.  We  will  put  up 
the  sails  and  cruise  around  and  make  a  respectable  funeral 
procession." 

These  were  the  last  words  spoken  as  Tom  Splinter  walked 
the  plank  to  the  shore. 

Inasmuch  as  Madame  Junk  had  been  instrumental  in 
breaking  up  a  thieves'  den  that  had  long  eluded  the  grasp 
of  the  law,  insomuch  would  these  men  break  up  her  den. 
They  used  to  do  a  good  business;  they  grew  in  strength 
and  numbers  and  became  a  terror  to  the  community.  Mad 
ame  Junk's  inordinate  love  of  buying  old  clothes  and  doing 
for  the  poor  was  a  heavy  stroke  on  this  house.  The  whole 
thing  was  broken  up,  and  not  a  few  of  them  %Vas  compelled 
to  serve  a  term,  in  the  State  prison.  The  two  men  whom 
Tom  Splinter  has  just  left  are  two  of  them;  Two-fifty  is 
another;  and  the  three  are  anxious  to  pay  off^old  scores. 
To  be  thrown  out  of  active  employment  and  incarcerated 
for  crime  was  not  to  be  forgotten.  Had  the  same  ingenuity 
and  patience  been  put  to  some  useful  work,  these  people 
would  have  immortalized  themselves. 

In  A.  Goliah  Smith's  residence  all  was  silent,  as  a  respect- 


A    NEW    HOME    ON    THE    TAPIS.  453 

able  habitation  is  supposed  to  be  in  the  wee  small  hours. 
The  Senator,  being  somewhat  in  the  afternoon  of  life,  and 
wishing  to  prolong  that  afternoon  to  the  utmost  limit,  re 
tired  early.  Mrs.  Smith  did  so  from  necessity,  being  an 
invalid,  and  the  most  proper  place  for  an  invalid  after  nine 
o'clock  at  night  is  in  bed. 

The  Senator  never  could  be  prevailed  upon  to  say  that  he 
was  willing  that  Joel  and  Carrie  should  set  up  a  separate 
household.  Whenever  Joel  broached  the  subject,  which  he 
did  every  now  and  then,  the  Senator  would  burst  out  with: 
"God  bless  you,  Joe!  I  haven't  a  chick  or  child  in  the 
world  but  you.  What  do  you  want  to  be  in  such  a  hurry  to 
leave  me  for?" 

"  I  don't  think  we  have  been  in  much  of  a  hurry.  When 
a  man  takes  the  responsibility  of  a  family  he  should  main 
tain  it." 

"  If  it  is  responsibility  you.  want,  I  will  give  you  enough 
of  it.  I  am  going  to  throw  up  the  sponge  pretty  soon,  and 
you  can  cart  my  load.  If  that  is  not  enough  for  you  to 
pull,  I  have  friends  who  would  club  together  and  give  you 
fair  show  of  responsibility." 

"  Father,  as  far  as  you  are  concerned,  you.  cannot  bur 
den  me  with  responsibility  that  I  will  not  use  my  best  en 
deavor  to  meet,  and  feel  honored  by  your  confidence." 

"Joe,  casting  all  joking  aside,  we  really  cannot  spare 
you.  What  do  you  think  mother  and  I  would  do  ?  If  there 
is  not  room  enough  we  will  build  an  addition.  I  don't 
want  any  one  pinched  for  room." 

"I  thought  we  were  to  stop  joking,"  said  Joel,  with  a 
smile. 

' '  That  will  be  when  you  stop  talking  about  setting  up  an 
establishment  of  your  own,  when  there  ain't  half  enough  to 
run  this  one.  If  you  have  anything  over,  give  it  to  Mother 
Junk  to  build  another  Keformatory  Home." 

"  By  the  way,  she  has  another  Home  on  the  tapis." 

"No!  What  new  crotchet  now?" 


454        MADAME  JANE  JUNK  AND  JOE. 

"  Oil!  she  thinks  the  vagabond  boys  of  this  city  should 
be  attended  to.  She  says  they  are  going  to  destruction  as 
fast  as  they  can  travel." 

The  Senator  was  silent  for  a  moment  or  so,  as  if  in  deep 
reflection.  During  this  silence  Joel  ventured  further  in 
formation. 

' '  She  has  got  Carrie  very  much  interested  in  this  move 
ment,  so  much  so  that  she  studies  night  and  day  the  best 
plan  to  adopt." 

"  Joe,  you  speak  as  if  you  had  some  regrets  about  it." 

"No;  not  any  further  than  that  I  should  not  like  to  see 
my  wife  a  leader  in  any  movement  that  savored  of  strong- 
minded,  masculine,  woman's  rights  women  of  the  day." 

The  Senator  gave  a  dry  ahem,  and  was  silent  again. 
This  time  Joel  waited  for  him  to  open  the  conversation. 

"Well,  Joe,  you  are  sensitive;  I  cannot  blame  you;  I  was 
the  same  at  your  age.  But  did  you  ever  stop  to  think  that 
the  things  which  the  world  deem  unwomanly  in  women 
would  be  a  very  great  credit  to  us  men?  D®  you  know, 
Joe,  that  what  you  have  told  me  to-night  really  makes  me 
feel  ashamed  of  myself  ?  When  I  look  back  on  my  past 
life  and  count  up  all  the  good  actions,  I  fiud  I  have  been 
guilty  of  a  surprisingly  small  number.  Why,  Joe,  look  at 
your  Mother  Junk.  She  gave  all  of  her  little  fortune,  all 
her  time,  her  life,  I  may  say,  to  a  good  work,  a  benevolent 
work,  a  work  to  benefit  mankind.  Now,  then,  if  your  wife 
and  my  daughter  takes  pleasure  in  doing  a  similar  work  we 
should  feel  proud,  and  not  sensitive.  To  be  sure,  I  should 
regret  as  much  as  you  can  to  have  Carrie  go  about  making- 
stump-speeches  or  anything  of  that  sort;  but  it  seems  to  me 
that  this  is  a  most  praiseworthy  project,  and  if  I  were  you 
I  should  encourage  it.  It  is  a  noticeable  fact  that  the  boys 
of  the  period  are  likely  to  be  a  disgrace  to  the  nation  as 
men.  There  should  be  some  decided  steps  taken  in  the  way 
of  reform.  For  my  part,  I  do  not  care  a  cent  whether  it  is 
hatched  by  women  or  men.  This  much  I  will  say :  I  will 


A    WELL- SELECTED    TITLE.  455 

give  it  my  hearty  support,  and  I  feel  ashamed  of  myself  in 
the  bargain  that  I  was  such  a  laggard  as  not  to  have  thought 
of  it  before." 

"  Carrie  is  very  ambitious/'  said  Joel,  with  a  smile. 

"I  know  she  is,  I  know  she  is,"  said  the  Senator,  with 
not  a  little  pride  in  his  tone;  "  always  was,  from  a  little  girl 
up — bright  and  active." 

"  She  is  engaged  in  writing  another  book." 

"  Indeed!  I  was  not  aware  of  it.     "What  is  the  subject?  " 

"  This  time,  I  should  have  said,  she  is  revising  one." 

"When  did  she  write  it?  " 

"Oh,  it  is  an  old  manuscript  of  Mother  Junk's,  written 
some  twenty- two  years  since." 

"  Has  she  become  so  poor  in  thought  that  she  must  take 
some  one's  old  manuscript,  written  twenty-two  years  ago  ? 
"What  is  the  theme  ?  " 

"  The  Proper  Propagation  of  the  American  Eace,"  said 
Joel,  this  time  laughing  outright. 

"The  Proper  Propagation  of  the  American  Bace!"  said 
the  Senator,  drawing  out  his  words,  and  with  a  look  of 
astonishment  that  showed  he  was  far  from  being  pleased. 
"What  a  strange  theme  for  a  young  woman!  What  is  she 
supposed  to  know  about  such  a  theme  ?  How  does  she  man 
age  it  ?  Certainly,  she  will  not  give  such  a  title  to  a  book 
that  is  known  to  come  from  her  pen." 

"Well,  father,  there  is  not  so  much  in  the  book  that  is 
out  of  the  way.  The  manuscript  has  been  looked  over  by 
some  of  our  best  literary  men,  and  pronounced  an  able 
work  of  the  kind,  and  one  worthy  of  being  discussed  by 
the  best  minds  in  the  country." 

'  'Ah !  "  This  time  the  Senator's  expression  changed  into 
a  more  satisfied  one.  "  But  the  devil,  Joe,  have  her  change 
the  title." 

"  On  this  point  there  will  be  disagreement.  Her  pub 
lishers  tell  her,  for  a  good  run  it  is  the  best-selected  title 
over  which  a  book  was  ever  written  or  published/' 


456  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"Is  it  possible?  Joe,  look  into  it  carefully.  Don't  let 
her  run  rampant.  The  thought  of  my  daughter  making 
herself  ridiculous  before  the  world  would  grieve  me  very 
much.  I  understand  how  easy  it  is  for  a  brave  soul  to  dare 
ridicule  for  the  right." 

"  Well,  father,  don't  give  yourself  any  trouble  over  it.  I 
really  do  not  think  Carrie  will  run  counter  to  our  wishes,  or 
appear  in  what  she  thought  undignified  or  unwomanly.  She 
has  talked  freely  with  me  about  it,  and  wished  me  to  broach 
the  subject  to  you.  She  even  went  so  far  as  to  say:  '  I  will 
not  do  that  which  will  displease  papa,  even  if  I  knew  it  was 
right/" 

The  Senator  had  use  for  his  pocket  handkerchief,  which 
he  flourished  before  his  eyes  and  wiped  his  nose. 

"  God  bless  her!  She  always  was  that  way.  Whatever 
she  does  will  come  out  all  right,  I  know/' 

Again  his  handkerchief  was  used  to  brush  off  a  fly  that 
seemed  to  be  sitting  on  the  bridge  of  his  nose,  although  it 
was  half -past  nine  o'clock  p.  M.,  and  time  all  honest  flies 
had  gone  to  roost.  The  Senator  arose  from  his  easy-chair 
and  took  a  step  or  two  toward  the  door,  as  if  he  were  about 
to  retire  for  the  night.  Turning  abruptly  about,  he  walked 
toward  Joel  and  slapped  him  on  the  shoulder. 

"  Joel,  my  boy!  tell  your  wife  to  come  to  her  father,  just 
as  she  used  to  when  she  was  ten  years  old.  There  is  no 
reason  why  she  should  send  you  to  feel  around  to  find  out 
what  I  think.  She  is  my  child,  and  I  love  her  just  as  much 
as  ever.  (There  is  that  plaguy  fly  again.)  Good  night, 
Joe!  good  night!  Look  about  the  house  and  see  if  every 
thing  is  securely  fastened  up.  The  city  is  full  of  thieves 
and  cutthroats;  one  cannot  be  too  careful." 


CHAPTER  LIIL 

A  GOOD  MAN  THAT  HONORED  GOOD  WOMEN— A  WHOLE 
FLOCK  OF  PIGEONS  IN  ONE  MAN'S  FACE. 

r  I  ^HE  new  residence  of  the  Stanlys  was  situated  only 
JL  three  blocks  from  the  ex-Senator's.  It  was  a  hand 
some  edifice;  sufficiently  magnificent  in  its  appointments  to 
attract  the  attention  of  professional  observers,  or,  in  other 
words,  thieves.  No  matter  about  the  residence;  the  inmates 
were  as  happy  as  two  turtle-doves  mated  in  the  prime  of 
life,  and  with  that  experience  in  life  which  files  off  the 
sharp  corners  and  rounds  out  the  character  of  every  man 
and  woman.  Kate's  beauty  seemed  to  advance  with  age. 
The  very  poise  of  her  head  grew  classic,  and  her  carriage 
would  have  graced  a  queen. 

George  Gregory  Glewer  found  his  home  with  the  Stanlys, 
and  a  very  good  home  it  was.  Mr.  Stanly  never  expressed 
his  views  to  Kate  about  the  boy;  he  might  have  had  a 
sensitive  feeling  in  regard  to  this  young  man  calling  his 
beautiful  wife  mother.  Mr.  Stanly  was  too  thoroughly  a 
gentleman  to  come  down  to  such  petty  objections  as  the  one 
above  named.  George  had  become  so  well  versed  in  the 
business  that  he  was  able  to  carry  it  on  with  only  now  and 
then  a  suggestion  from  his  mother.  Day  by  day  the  affec 
tion  between  Kate  and  her  husband  deepened;  and  although 
they  were  at  that  age  when  romantic  sentiment  is  supposed 
to  be  on  the  wane,  yet  with  them  they  were  more  and  more 
lovers.  "With  Mr.  Stanly  the  feeling  was  that  he  had  always 
known  Kate.  There  was  nothing  to  remind  him  that  she 
ever  belonged  to  another,  except  when  George  called  her 

(457) 


45  8  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

mother,  and  he  took  care  as  much  as  possible  not  to  hear 
it.  As  for  Kate,  her  life  was  complete;  her  cup  of  happi 
ness  was  full  to  the  brim.  It  was  no  school-girl  love.  It 
was  love  heightened  by  comparison.  She  had  learned  that 
men  did  live  who  respected  good  women;  even  honored 
them  and  looked  upon  them  as  equals  and  companions; 
who  gave  them  a  respectful  individual  right  at  their  fire 
sides;  who  at  all  times  treated  a  wife  with  that  courtesy 
with  which  a  true  gentleman  must  be  treated  in  turn.  That 
Kate  must  pass  her  youthful  days  of  maidenhood  up  into 
wifehood,  then  widowhood,  without  realizing  that  such  men 
exist,  was  an  ungenerous  fate.  No  wonder  she  did  worship 
her  idol.  She  had  traveled  a  weary  stretch  of  barren  waste 
to  find  him. 

Sternna  was  right  in  her  conjectures  regarding  Albert 
Mayo's  finding  another.  If  Albert  did  not  find  in  Miss 
Spludge  "metal  more  attractive,"  he  found  something  to 
fill  the  vacuum  in  his  heart  which  Sternna's  absence  had 
made.  And  as  for  David  Delight,  our  puckered-up  plum  of 
a  lawyer,  if  ho  could  have  had  his  own  pick  from  the  whole 
city,  there  was  not  one  who  would  have  pleased  him  more 
as  a  husband  for  his  daughter  than  did  Albert.  When  he 
met  Albert,  and  attempted  to  do  the  handsome,  his  face  as 
sumed  the  appearance  of  a  small  piece  of  wet  clay  that  had 
been  traveled  over  by  a  whole  flock  of  pigeons.  For  Albert 
there  was  no  limit  to  his  urbanity.  "  My  regards  to  your 
father  and  mother.  Hope  I  shall  see  you  at  our  house  before 
long,"  etc. ,  were  the  usual  greetings.  If  the  young  Hercules 
gave  the  old  gent  any  thought,  it  was  to  wonder  if  D.  D. 
Spludge,  Esq.,  had  told  as  many  lies  as  there  were  wrinkles 
in  his  face. 


CHAPTER    LIV. 

THIEVES  BREAK  IN  AND  STEAL— A  WINDFALL  FOR 
THE  PRESS— PLOTTING— LARRY  0' DOODLE  COMES 
TO  THE  RESCUE. 

IN  Senator  A.  Goliah  Smith's  rear  yard  is  a  tall  elm  tree, 
in  which  a  man  sat  perched.  The  hour  was  one  o'clock 
at  night.  He  held  a  long  slim  rod  in  his  hand,  that  looked 
like  a  fishing-pole.  Surely  he  cannot  be  going  to  fish  in 
the  Senator's  aquarium.  If  so,  he  has  a  strange  bait;  for 
there  was  a  little  sponge  fastened  to  the  end  of  a  cord  at 
tached  to  the  pole,  well  saturated  with  chloroform.  For  the 
last  few  moments  he  had  been  vigorously  swabbing  the  dog's 
nose,  a  huge  mastiff  which  the  Senator  had  recently  pur 
chased  at  a  liberal  figure,  because  of  the  late  raids  by  bur 
glars  in  private  residences.  It  is  not  above  half  an  hour 
since  the  Senator  appeared  at  the  door,  looking  very  ghost 
like.  He  spoke  to  the  dog,  and  asked  him  what  he  was 
growling  at,  and  was  answered  by  (<  Bow,  wow."  The  dog 
was  told  to  keep  quiet;  but  he  would  not  have  obeyed  if 
Tom  Splinter  had  not  just  administered  smelling-salts.  At 
all  events  the  Senator  had  no  more  than  got  tucked  into  bed 
when  that  long  pole  slid  out  of  the  tree,  and  the  sponge  was 
applied  to  the  dog's  nose  again,  who  gave  a  terrific  howl,  and 
the  rod  was  drawn  back  into  the  tree.  The  Senator  ap 
peared  again;  but  this  time  in  a  darker  suit,  with  a  revolver 
in  his  hand.  He  looked  about,  and  walked  under  the  very 
tree  where  Tom  was  perched.  He  spoke  to  the  dog  in  no 
gentle  way:  "  Why,  you  fool,  what  is  the  matter?  There 
is  no  one  here."  The  dog  was  quiet  now.  The  Senator 

(459) 


460  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND   JOE. 

patted  him  on  the  head.  "  That  is  right;  keep  still.  It  is 
time  enough  to  bark  when  there  is  something  to  hark  at." 
Again  he  retired. 

"  The  dog  knows  more  than  you,"  muttered  Tom  Splinter 
to  himself;  and  again  the  rod  slid  out  of  the  tree,  and  the 
sponge  was  applied  to  the  dog's  nose,  this  time  with  no  re 
sistance  from  the  dog.  He  held  it  there  several  moments. 
When  he  withdrew  it,  he  said  to  himself,  "  AVell,  old  fellow, 
you  can  take  a  comfortable  snooze,  while  I  give  your  master 
a  little  sniff/' 

Tom  waited  some  half  an  hour,  until  he  thought  the  much- 
disturbed  master  must  be  sleeping  soundly.  In  the  mean 
time  he  saturated  the  sponge  again,  and  applied  it  to  the 
dog's  nose.  He  slid  down  from  the  tree,  took  a  stroll 
through  the  grounds,  looked  at  the  doors  and  windows  of 
the  house,  and  went  to  a  side  gate  that  opened  out  upon  a 
common  adjacent  to  the  Senator's  garden.  He  took  from 
his  pocket  what  looked  to  be  a  roll  of  cotton.  He  began 
picking  it  apart,  and  brought  out  a  queer-looking  key,  with 
which  he  unlocked  the  gate,  passed  out,  and  locked  it  again. 
He  walked  a  few  rods  to  the  other  side  of  the  common, 
where  there  was  a  clump  of  trees  standing  so  close  together 
that  the  foliage  intertwined,  and,  although  it  was  bright 
starlight,  you  could  not  see  an  object  under  them.  Seated 
between  the  trees  were  two  men,  who,  on  Tom's  approach, 
drew  a  long  breath.  Tom  came  quite  close,  and  whispered, 

"  I  havo  given  the  dog  his  quietus;  you  will  hear  no  more 
from  him  to-night,  if  you  ever  do." 

Both  men  whispered,  "  Good,  good/' 

' '  Now,  then,"  said  Tom, ' '  we  must  look  after  the  dogs  that 
will  not  be  quite  so  easily  disposed  of." 

"What,"  said  both  men  in  a  breath;  "will  you  give  Jem 
some,  too?" 

"Won't  I?  If  I  don't  give  them  a  dose  that  will  make 
them  sleep  for  a  week!  Come,  boys,  we've  no  time  to  dilly 
dally;  there  is  work  to  be  done,  and  little  time  to  do  it  in." 


BEFORE    THE    DOOR.  461 

"  Give  the  order,  Captain,  and  I  am  your  man/'  whispered 
one  of  the  men.  "  Which  room  is  the  old  'un  in  ?  " 

"The  first  flight;  there  are  two  windows  that  look  this 
•way,  and  two  more  that  look  to  the  rear." 

"Where  does  the  young*  chap  and  his  wife  snooze?" 

"The  second  flight,  on  the  right-hand  side  of  the  hall  as 
you  pass  up  the  back  stairs.  Three  windows  look  out  upon 
the  main  street,  and  two  more  look  from  the  side  of  the 
house.  There  is  a  gate  leading  into  the  garden  on  that 
side." 

"But  the  servants?" 

"Oh,  they  sleep  as  sound  as  the  devil;  nothing  but  a 
cannon  would  wake  them  up.  If  they  should  wake,  you 
know  how  to  silence  them." 

Tom  and  the  two  men  crept  softly  along  to  the  opposite 
side  of  the  house,  unlocked  the  side  gate  and  passed  in. 
They  took  their  way  through  the  intricate  paths  until  they 
came  to  the  rear.  Softly  they  crept  up  the  steps  and  picked 
the  lock.  They  must  pass  two  doors  before  they  enter  the 
main  hall  running  through  the  house;  this  they  did  after  a 
brief  interval.  The  great  solid  staircase  did  not  creak  be 
neath  their  weight.  Their  feet  were  done  up  in  abundance 
of  cotton,  and  looked  like  six  white  geese  waddling  up  stairs. 
The  three  cats  passed  up  as  quietly  as  any  three  cats  ever 
went  anywhere.  All  three  paused  before  the  Senator's  door. 
No  sound  disturbed  the  stillness  of  the  night.  Tom  placed 
his  ear  to  the  keyhole;  he  took  from  his  pocket  an  instrument 
that  looked  very  much  like  a  very  small  pair  of  pincers,  in 
serted  it  in  the  hole  and  turned  the  key  on  the  inside.  It 
was  done  so  noiselessly  that  had  the  inmates  of  this  room 
been  awake  they  would  not  have  heard  it.  This  done,  he 
produced  a  leather  case,  eighteen  inches  long,  one  end  clos 
ing  with  a  spring.  This  contained  what  looked  to  be  half 
a  dozen  straight  sticks,  which  he  laid  together  by  a  curious 
design,  making  what  might  pass  for  an  immense  whipstock. 
By  moving  it  up  and  down,  you  would  discover  that  it  was 


4-62  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

very  supple.  To  the  end  of  this  he  fastened  a  cord  two  or 
three  feet  in  length,  and  to  the  cord  he  fastened  a  sponge 
much  larger  than  the  one  he  applied  to  the  dog's  nose.  He 
took  from  his  pocket  a  bottle  of  clear-looking  liquid,  turned 
a  liberal  portion  over  the  sponge,  opened  the  door  softly, 
looked  in  until  he  espied  something  white  very  near  the 
centre  of  the  room.  He  took  good  aim  with  the  long  stick, 
held  it  over  the  bed,  and  dangled  it  up  and  down  for  nearly 
five  minutes.  Thinking  by  this  time  it  had  effected  a  quiet 
ing  influence,  he  lowered  it  until  by  degrees  it  touched  the 
pillow.  There  he  let  it  rest  another  five  minutes.  The  two 
men  were  holding  their  breath.  Then  he  whispered:  "It 
will  do  to  go  in  now."  He  then  took  the  sponge  from  the 
end  of  the  cord,  inarched  straight  up  to  the  bed  and  quietly 
held  it  under  the  nose  of  the  sleeping  Senator,  then  under 
the  nose  of  the  wife,  until  he  was  confident  he  could  have 
burnt  them  alive  without  their  waking.  He  then  took  out 
a  match  and  quietly  lit  the  gas,  with  the  nonchalance  of  a 
man  who  was  in  his  own  apartments,  and  had  just  come  in 
for  the  night.  The  first  thing  he  did  was  to  remove  the 
Senator's  revolver  which  was  near  his  bed.  He  then  pro 
ceeded  to  open  drawers  and  pick  locks,  taking  the  lady's 
jewel-case,  watches,  and  everything  he  could  lay  his  hands 
on,  and  among  the  rest  a  buckskin  bag  filled  with  gold  coin. 
He  turned  down  the  gas  and  locked  the  door  from  the  out 
side.  All  this  was  done  in  less  time  than  it  takes  us  to 
write  it. 

The  trio,  with  stealthy  tread,  mounted  the  next  flight  and 
effected  an  entrance  in  the  same  way.  This  time  it  was  to 
the  sleeping  apartments  of  Joel  and  his  wife.  When  the 
gas  was  lit,  these  villains  paused  for  a  moment  to  look  at 
the  sleepers  in  their  death-like  torpor.  We  will  not  say 
that  a  pang  of  remorse  touched  Tom  Splinter's  heart  as  he 
looked  at  them.  Carrie  slept  with  her  cheek  resting  in  the 
palm  of  her  hand,  looking  divinely  innocent,  while  Joel's 
dark  hair  made  his  high  white  brow  look  like  marble.  There 


LOOK    AT    HIM    NOW,    WITH    A    MILLION.         463 

was  something  in  this  picture  that  would  make  men  even 
more  hardened  than  these  stop  and  ask  themselves:  "  How 
have  these  people  harmed  us?  Why  should  we  take  advan 
tage  of  their  helpless  condition?"  If  some  such  thought 
did  flit  through  the  minds  of  these  men,  it  was  then  too 
late  to  harbor  it.  So  they  proceeded  to  go  through  every 
closet  and  drawer  in  the  room,  taking  with  them  jewels  and 
money. 

One  of  the  men  had  his  arm  loaded  with  clothing,  when 
he  was  ordered  by  Tom  Splinter,  in  a  hoarse  whisper,  to 
drop  it. 

"You  may  take  everything  else;  but  111  be  hanged  if  you 
shall  steal  a  man's  shirt/' 

The  two  men  passed  out  the  door  and  left  Tom  Splinter 
alone.  He  walked  to  the  bedside.  The  sleepers  were 
breathing  hard,  and  the  perspiration  stood  out  in  great 
beads  on  Joel's  forehead.  Tom  felt  his  pulse.  Folding  his 
arms,  he  stood  calmly  for  a  moment  looking  at  the  uncon 
scious  pair.  They  would  be  happy,  and  ho  might  have  been. 
"  Here  was  a  poor  boy  who  started  in  life  without  half  the 
wit  to  recommend  him  I  had.  Look  at  him  now,  with  a 
million  of  dollars  and  one  of  the  fairest  brides  in  all  the 
country;  and  all  this  is  woman's  work.  Had  I  had  the 
same  motherly  love  guiding  my  young  steps,  I  might  have 
been  as  good  as  he  is,  and  it  would  have  been  much  easier 
for  me  than  to  do  as  I  have  done.  But  here  I  am.  I  can't 
turn  back."  He  stepped  to  the  gas,  gave  one  more  look 
over  his  shoulder  at  the  sleeping  occupants  of  the  bed, 
closed  the  door,  locked  it  from  without,  and  carried  the  key 
away  with  him. 

These  thieves  took  out  an  immense  quantity  of  silver- 
plate,  which  was  placed  in  canvas  bags  and  conveyed  a 
short  distance  to  a  man  holding  two  fleet  horses,  attached 
to  a  light  wagon.  The  heavy  spoil  was  placed  in  the  wagon; 
the  driver  mounted  the  seat  and  drove  hastily  away,  being 
ordered  to  make  quick  time,  and  to  be  on  the  ground  at  a 
given  point  within  half  an  hour. 


464  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

The  trio  next  proceeded  to  the  residence  of  Mr.  Stanly, 
and  went  through,  the  same  successful  manoeuvres.  Here 
they  gathered  money  and  jewels  to  the  amount  of  several 
thousand  dollars.  Tom  was  an  expert.  He  had  acted  far 
more  boldly  to-night  than  he  had  ever  done  before  in  all  his 
life.  There  was  an  abandon  about  him  this  night  which 
was  born  of  total  disregard  of  his  own  safety.  Every  step 
he  took  he  knew  ifc  was  bringing  him  so  much  nearer  the 
end.  He  knew  it  must  come. 

Again  the  spoil  was  loaded  into  the  wagon  hard  by. 

"  Good  night,  gentlemen;  good  night.  I  am  off  for  the 
Reformatory  Home.  Tell  the  men  that  to-morrow  night, 
at  one  o'clock,  I  will  be  with  them,  if  I  am  alive;  and  if 
not — why,  if  not,  I  shall  be  in  the  company  of  no  greater 
devils  than  they  are." 

"Not  go  with  us?"  whispered  the  three  men,  in  one 
breath. 

"No!  no!  not  now.  My  work  is  not  done.  I  have  not 
filled  the  contract.  Take  care  of  what  you  have.  You  may 
not  always  have  Tom  Splinter  to  do  your  dirty  work.  Up 
with  your  sails  and  put  out.  You  know  where  to  hide,  and 
I  know  where  to  find.  Keep  out  of  sight;  keep  out  of  town 
if  you  will  have  whole  skins.  Let  one  man  come  back  for 
me  if  the  wind  is  fair." 

"  And  if  not?"  said  one  of  the  men. 

"  And  if  not,  you  fool,  come  with  a  row-boat." 

It  was  near  daylight  when  Tom  Splinter  reached  the 
Home  for  Reforming  Depraved  Humanity.  None  of  the 
inmates  were  up.  He  sat  down  on  a  rock  near  the  great 
gate  and  waited  patiently  for  Larry  O'Doodle  to  come  out 
and  give  the  American  Girl  her  breakfast. 

Larry  O'Doodle  was  usually  up  early.  Larry  was  not  long 
in  making  his  appearance.  When  he  did,  Tom  Splinter 
hallooed  for  him  to  come  and  unlock  the  great  gate.  Larry 
stepped  briskly  toward  it,  wondering  who  could  have  come 
to  be  born  again  so  early  in  the  morning.  He  was  a  little 


A    REAL    SICKLY    SMILE.  465 

surprised  to  find  Tom  Splinter,  looking  pale  and  worn,  and 
at  least  fifteen  years  older.    Larry  eyed  him  with  suspicion. 

"  I  am  devilish  sick,  Larry." 

"  Its  hoping  you'll  not  ba  any  sicker." 

"If  I  am,  I  must  go  the  way  of  all  the  earth,"  said 
Splinter. 

"  Hum!"  was  the  only  reply  Larry  deigned  to  give. 

Tom  sat  himself  down  upon  the  door-sill,  and  waited  until 
Madame  Junk  should  arise.  He  knew  it  would  be  sufficient 
to  say  he  did  not  feel  well  to  arouse  that  lady's  deepest 
sympathy.  True,  she  might  think  it  a  little  strange  that  he 
should  be  there  so  early  in  the  morning. 

In  a  few  moments  Madame  Junk  opened  the  door  to  take 
a  sniff  of  fresh  morning  air,  and  who  should  she  behold  sit 
ting  there  but  Tom  Splinter. 

"Mister  Splinter!  Why,  you  are  ill!  Come  in  this 
moment." 

Tom  placed  his  hands  on  his  stomach,  and  doubled  up  in 
quite  a  knot. 

"  Yes,  Madame,  I  am  sorry  to  say  I  am  far  from  being 
well;  and  the  thought  of  having  a  prolonged  fit  of  illness 
away  from  this  place  is  quite  insupportable." 

"Mr.  Splinter/'  said  Madame  Junk,  placing  her  hand 
under  his  arm,  as  if  she  would  lift  him  by  main  strength; 
"  Mister  Splinter,  you  must  have  medical  attendance  at 
once." 

"  Oh,  I  trust  it  is  not  quite  so  alarming  as  that,"  said  Tom 
Splinter,  with  a  real  sickly  smile. 

Madame  Junk  took  him  to  the  drawing-room,  where  there 
was  a  divan,  flew  to  the  sleeping-room,  and  brought  pillows 
and  blankets.  The  pillows  she  cuffed  and  boxed  and 
bounced  about  until  every  feather  was  alive;  then,  taking 
the  end  of  the  case,  she  danced  it  up  and  down  until  it  was 
smooth;  then,  placing  it  at  the  head  of  the  divan,  she  bade 
Mr.  Splinter  lie  down,  while  she  covered  him  with  blankets, 
and  then  she  would  see  what  more  was  required. 
30 


466  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

"  Man's  inhumanity  to  man 
Makes  countless  millions  mourn!" 

We  don't  know  as  any  one  has  ever  written  one  word 
about  man's  inhumanity  to  woman;  but  it  strikes  us  just 
here  that  a  few  lines  of  poetry  on  that  subject  might  not  be 
out  of  place,  and  we  regret  our  inability  to  give  the  world 
some  soul-stirring  words  on  this  theme.  There  could  never 
be  a  more  opportune  time  than  while  Madame  Junk  is 
bustling  hither  and  yonder  preparing  tea  and  toast,  and 
other  remedies. 

While  she  was  scraping  a  small  burnt  place  on  a  large 
piece  of  toast,  Larry  O'Doodle  came  in  and  surprised  her  by 
asking  what  she  thought  of  Mr.  Splinter. 

"  What  do  I  think?    Why,  I  think  he  is  very  ill,  Larry." 

"  Misthress  Junks,  I  hope  you  will  not  ba  after  decaiving 
yourself;  somehow  it  seems  quare  to  me." 

"  Queer,  Larry,  that  a  man  should  be  ill?" 

''No,  not  that  so  much;  but,  Misthress  Junks,  I  am.  not 
after  baing  as  good  as  yeze.  'Tis  rneself  that  has  seen  min 
play  before  to-day." 

"  Judge  not,  lest  ye  be  judged,"  were  the  words  Madame 
Junk  used,  as  she  flew  from  the  room  with  a  great  plate  of 
toast  and  a  steaming  cup  of  tea.  She  pressed  Mr.  Splinter 
to  eat,  and  he  would  feel  refreshed. 

He  was  not  feigning  when  he  said  he  had  no  appetite,  for 
he  really  had  none;  but  to  please  the  good  lady,  he  forced 
himself  to  eat  a  little  and  swallow  a  few  mouthfuls  of  tea; 
but  when  it  came  to  the  pills,  he  decidedly  refused  to  take 
one — said  he  should  feel  better  shortly. 

Long  before  twelve  o'clock  every  newspaper  office  had 
issued  extras,  and  the  newsboys  on  the  streets  were  shout 
ing,  "Here's  your  extras!  All  about  the  daring  robbery 
of  Senator  A.  Goliah  Smith's  place!  The  dog  dead!  The 
Senator  and  his  wife  chloroformed,  and  all  the  rest  of  the 
family!  Here's  your  extras!  The  most  daring  robbery  on 


READING   THE    NEWS.  467 

record!  Here's  your  extras!  All  about  the  robbery  of  Mr. 
Stanly's  residence!  The  inmates  given  a  sleeping  potion ! 
Here's  your  extras!  All  about  how  they  got  in  and  how 
they  got  out  agin!  Here's  your  extras!  The  Senator  and 
his  folks  all  very  ill,  because  the  robber  gave  them  so  much 
stuff!  Here's  your  extras!  Senator  and  family  not  ex 
pected  to  live  the  day  out!  Here's  your  extras!  All  about 
how  the  perleece  are  011  their  track!  Here's  your  extras! 
The  Senator's  dog  is  dead!  Buy  a  paper,  Sir?" 

Although  the  Senator's  loss  was  actually  great,  it  was  a 
great  windfall  to  the  city  press.  Now,  the  Senator  had  not 
lost  a  hundred  thousand  dollars,  but  it  was  enough,  in  all 
conscience;  neither  was  he  nor  any  of  his  family  likely  to  die; 
they  had  only  lost  their  appetites  for  a  day  or  so.  Tbo 
Senator  was  almost  willing  to  say  that  thieves  who  could 
effect  an  entrance  and  transact  such  an  amount  of  business 
were  entitled  to  the  spoils;  however,  he  did  not  say  it,  for 
that  would  be  a  bad  precedent  for  less  successful  explorers. 

Ere  night,  the  much -exaggerated  account  reached  the 
Home,  and  Larry  O'Doodle  eyed  Splinter  with  fresh  suspi 
cion.  Madame  Junk  settled  her  spectacles  over  the  bridge 
of  her  nose,  and  proceeded  to  read  the  full  account  to  Mr. 
Splinter  as  he  lay  on  the  lounge,  looking  quite  worn  and 
pale.  One  by  one  the  inmates  gathered  around  her  to  hear 
the  horrible  (this  was  one  of  the  words  of  the  heading) 
account  of  the  robbery.  In  the  midst  of  the  group  was 
Two-hundrecl-and-fifty,  listening  to  the  description  of  a 
piece  of  crash  that  she  went  to  the  city  for  some  months 
since.  Her  small  black  eyes  wandered  over  the  group  and 
finally  settled  on  Tom  Splinter.  His  face  was  bleached 
very  white  for  a  short  illness.  She  looked  until  he  turned 
his  head  and  their  eyes  met;  'hers  said,  as  plain  as  eyes 
could  say:  "  Turn  back,  if  you  dare."  Larry  O'Doodle 
watched  the  two,  but  had  learned  to  keep  his  own  counsel. 
It  was  three  o'clock  in  the  afternoon,  and  Madame  Junk 
resolved  to  post  Larry  O'Doodle  off  to  town  to  learn  the 


468  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND   JOE. 

exact  truth,  when  who  should  conie  dashing  in  but  Mrs. 
Catharine  Stanly,  looking  more  disturbed  than  was  in 
harmony  with  her  fine  face. 

Mrs.  Stanly  and  Madame  Junk  retired  to  the  little  chapel, 
where  they  held  a  long  consultation.  "With  the  most  patient 
listening  at  the  keyhole  we  can  only  gather  here  and  there 
a  word,  which  we  will  give  to  the  reader. 

"  I  only  hope/'  said  Mrs.  Stanly,  "  it  maybe  a  surmise." 

"Why,  she  has  not  been  to  the  city  since  she  purchased 
that  crash,  and  that  is  three  months  ago." 

"Well,  it  might  take  three  months  to  lay  a  plan  and 
carry  it  through  as  well  as  this." 

"  My  clear  friend,  I  think  you  are  mistaken/' 

"What  does  Larry  think?"  asked  Mrs.  Stanly. 

"  Larry  is  a  good  man,  but  I  should  not  feel  willing  to 
accept  his  judgment  in  the  matter,"  said  Madame  Junk, 
evading  the  question;  "you  know,"  she  went  on,  "that 
suspicion  is  a  characteristic  of  his  nation." 

"  Then  he  has  spoken  no  word  of  warning  to  you  ?  " 

"Yes,  he  has,"  replied  Madame  Junk,  when  directly 
appealed  to;  "  however,  the  most  he  has  said  was,  that  I 
had  better  keep  my  eyes  open." 

"A  very  sensible  piece  of  advice,"  said  Kate,  with  a  little 
bitterness  in  her  voice;  ' '  if  anything  wrong  should  be  proven 
to  have  originated  here,  it  would  be  a  great  blow  to  this 
reform  question. " 

"  It  would  only  substantiate  what  I  have  always  affirmed: 
that  these  people  were  not  born  right." 

"Well,  admitting  that,  the  world  will  not  go  back  to  their 
fathers  and  mothers,  and  punish  them  by  imprisonment  for 
the  crimes  of  their  children." 

Madame  Junk  scarce  had  time  to  ask  Mrs.  Stanly  what 
her  loss  was,  before  that  lady  announced  her  intention  of 
returning.  Madame  Junk  caught  her  by  the  sleeve.  "  You 
will  not  speak  out  your  suspicions  to  any  one  else  ?  "  No; 
she  did  not  think  she  would,  at  present. 


HAND    IN    GLOVE    WITH    ALL    THE    CHURCHES.    469 

All  creation  could  not  make  her  believe  that  Two-hundred- 
and-fifty  had  reformed.  Indeed,  so  far  was  her  prejudice 
aroused,  that  she  began  to  lose  all  faith  in  all  kinds  of  re 
forms.  Then  she  thought  of  Larry  O'Doodle,  and  acknowl- 
eged  to  herself  that  this  was  an  isolated  instance.  Then, 
again,  she  argued  with  herself,  this  man  must  have  had 
more  good  than  bad  in  his  nature  to  begin  with.  Then  she 
thought  of  Mary  and  Mary's  boy.  Mrs.  Stanly  breathed 
no  word  of  her  suspicions  to  her  husband,  and  he  did  not 
dream  that  she  had  any.  He  thought  that  she  merely  rode 
out  to  the  Home  to  tell  Madame  Junk  the  news.  Some 
women  are  singularly  sensitive  over  failures,  and  some  men 
are  singularly  inclined  to  laugh,  and  say,  "  Yes,  yes;  these 
women  rush  headlong  with  their  crotchets  and  do  more 
harm  than  good.  My  dear  gentlemen,  never  laugh  at  a 
woman  for  her  mistakes;  only  look  at  the  motives.  Do  not 
play  any  old  woman  game  on  your  wife  by  telling  her, 
"  There,  I  told  you  so.  It  has  turned  out  just  as  I  said  it 
would.  I  knew  the  cow  would  eat  up  the  grindstone." 
Do  not  do  that  if  you  would  invite  her  confidence.  There 
was  nothing  of  this  in  Mr.  Stanly 's  make-up.  A  large  pat 
tern  of  a  man  never  does  that.  But  this  was  a  trick  Mrs. 
Glewer  had  acquired,  and  it  was  difficult  for  Mrs.  Stanly  to 
drop  it.  She  had  been  one  of  the  movers  in  this  cause, 
and  the  thought  of  a  failure  distressed  her  not  a  little. 

Not  one  in  the  Senator's  family  had  the  least  suspicion 
that  their  misfortune  could  be  traced  to  the  Home  for  He- 
forming  Depraved  Humanity.  Hitherto,  things  had  run  so 
smoothly,  and  so  many  souls  had  been  ground  in  this  mill 
and  came  out  seemingly  double  refined,  that  to  suspect  any 
thing  wrong  would  be  sacrilegious  in  the  extreme;  and  as 
for  the  police,  they  would  as  soon  thought  of  entering  good 
Dr.  S 's  church  and  hauled  him  out  of  the  pulpit,  to 
gether  with  all  the  pillars  of  the  church,  as  entering  the 
Eeformatory  Home  to  catch  thieves.  The  Home  was  "hand 
in  glove"  with  all  the  churches  far  and  near,  and  looked  up 


47O  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

to  by  the  cream.  This  was  enough  to  appall  any  amount  of 
skim-milk.  The  professed  followers  of  Christ  were  not 
likely  to  fall  into  error — not  with  a  captain  like  Madame 
Junk.  So  thought  the  outsiders.  So  all  unconsciously  this 
Home  for  preparing  souls  for  a  home  beyond,  was  resolved 
into  a  relief  and  protection  society  to  prevent  cruelty  to 
thieves. 

To  speak  after  the  manner  of  men,  the  Senator's  family 
were  stiil  a  little  under  the  weather.  The  Senator  did  not 
mourn  his  loss  so  much,  but  he  hated  to  be  outdone  by  a 
set  of  scamps  in  that  way.  Joel  stood  the  jokes  of  his  col 
leagues  with  good  grace.  This  robbery  was  as  much  dis 
cussed  as  if  it  had  been  some  scientific  theory  that  if  once 
solved  would  be  a  great  benefit  to  the  world. 

Madame  Junk's  head  had  been  in  a  whirl  all  day.  She 
needed  rest  and  would  retire  early.  Tom  Splinter  was 
better — so  much  so  that  he  was  taking  a  turn  in  the  garden 
with  his  hands  folded  behind  him.  Two-fifty  was  scrubbing 
down  the  back  stairs;  she  was  working  with  renewed  energy 
to-day.  There  seemed  to  be  a  hushed  silence  among  the 
inmates.  Although  the  day  had  been  bright  and  sunny, 
the  atmosphere  at  the  Reformatory  Home  seemed  oppres 
sive.  If  coming  events  do  cast  their  shadows  before,  there 
were  shadows  in  the  Home — spectral  evil  shadows  that  were 
felt  by  just  such  natures  as  Larry  O'Doodle's.  He  could 
not  shake  off  this  presentiment,  nor  could  he  prove  the 
cause.  Even  the  American  Girl  looked  mournfully  out  oi 
her  eyes  as  she  nibbled  the  grass  that  came  within  the 
length  of  her  tether.  There  seemed  to  be  a  gloom  that  for 
the  first  time  settled  down  upon  the  Reformatory  Home — a 
certain  something  that  no  one  could  define.  It  gave  one 
the  feeling  that  evil  was  abroad . 

Madame  Junk  seemed  to  feel  an  unusual  responsibility 
resting  upon  her.  Just  before  retiring,  she  called  Larry 
O'Doodle  to  her.  She  gave  him  orders  to  fasten  up  every 
door  and  window  with  extra  fastenings  to-night. 


THIS    LIFE    IS    A    DREAM.  471 

"And  slmre,  'tis  meself  that  will  ba  doing  that  same. 
But  111  not  ba  fastening  both  eyes  wid  a  lock  and  key.  A 
man  must  have  one  eye  open — not  that  I  want  any  of  these 
knaves  to  be  walking  into  me  eye." 

Tom  Splinter  had  retired  to  his  couch  that  night.  Truly 
the  good  angel  was  wrestling  with  him,  like  Jacob  of  old; 
but  too  late  to  conquer.  The  poor  wretch's  hands  trembled, 
and  his  eyes  were  as  glassy  as  a  madman's.  He  turned  the 
ke}r  in  the  lock  of  the  door,  and  stretched  himself  upon  the 
outside  of  the  bed.  Of  course  he  would  do  it;  he  had 
promised;  and  if  he  did  not  keep  his  word,  it  would  be  all 
day  with  him.  As  he  lay  on  the  bed,  looking  up  to  the 
white  ceiling  overhead,  he  saw  horrible  shapes.  They  made 
faces  at  him;  they  danced  round  and  round,  and  shook  their 
spectre  hands  at  him.  Devils  of  all  sizes  grinned  at  him, 
and  defied  him  to  turn  back.  They  screeched  from  smoke  and 
flame.  Fiery  serpents  darted  out  their  long  forked  tongues 
and  licked  his  face.  A  yawning  abyss  opened,  and  he  was 
led  to  look  in.  "Dark, impenetrable  darkness,  forever  and 
for  evermore!"  He  rubbed  his  eyes,  and  found  that  he  had 
been  dozing.  "  Oh  yes,  a  dream!  Everything  is  a  dream. 
This  life  is  a  dream.  I  shan't  wake  up  until  I  get  where  it 
is  somewhat  warmer  than  this."  He  rose  to  a  sitting  pos 
ture,  shaking  as  if  he  had  an  ague  fit.  He  listened  for  the 
striking  of  the  clock,  which  told  the  hour  of  one.  He 
stepped  to  his  door,  turned  the  key  softly,  opened  the  door, 
listened  again,  stepped  back  to  his  bedside,  knelt  on  his 
knees,  crawled  under  the  bed,  and  brought  out  a  tin  can, 
containing  two  gallons  of  some  sort  of  liquid.  Het  set  it 
down  just  inside  his  door,  listened  again,  but  heard  no 
sound.  Creeping  back  to  his  window,  he  prepared  the  cur 
tain  and  the  spring  that  held  the  window  up. 

Tom  Splinter  was  not  the  only  inmate  in  the  Home  that 
was  up  at  that  time  of  night.  There  were  two  others.  Two- 
fifty  was  one  and  Larry  O'Doodle  was  the  other.  Two-fifty's 
room  was  so  situated  that  there  would  be  no  necessity  for 


47 2  MADAME   JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

her  being  in  haste.  Madame  Junk  was  the  only  one  Two- 
fifty  cared  to  corner.  There  would  be  no  egress  for  her  from 
any  side. 

Larry  O'Doodle  was  listening,  too.  He  had  no  can  con 
taining  fluid;  but  he  had  a  shillalah,  which  contained  ven 
geance;  and,  by  the  way,  it  was  the  very  same  one  he  swung 
over  his  head  the  very  first  day  he  visited  the  Home,  and 
hurrahed  for  "  Misthress  Tunks."  You  could  almost  have 
seen  his  face  in  the  dark  by  the  light  of  his  eyes.  His  teeth 
were  firmly  set,  and  his  breathing  was  irregular.  A  man 
who  moves  in  the  dark  must  be  cautious.  He  steps  forth 
into  the  dark  hall,  and  encounters  a  huge  form.  The  great 
shillalah  flew  back  and  came  forward  with  a  blow  such  as 
Larry  O'Doodle's  arm  could  give.  There  was  a  fall,  that 
made  the  very  roof  tremble.  As  quick  as  a  panther,  Larry 
O'Doodle  leaped  over  the  object,  and  ran  down  the  hall  a 
few  steps,  and  grappled  with  a  man  in  the  dark. 

"  Arrah!  Larry  O'Doodle  is  one  too  many  for  yez!"  He 
had  no  sooner  spoken  these  words  than  he  felt  a  knife  enter 
the  fleshy  part  of  his  arm.  In  an  instant  he  held  the  man's 
throat  in  his  grasp.  It  was  not  tightened  by  degrees,  but 
all  at  once.  Running  his  left  hand  from  the  man's  shoulder 
to  his  hand,  he  grasped  the  knife,  and  threw  it  to  the  other 
end  of  the  hall.  He  seized  the  man  about  the  waist,  held 
him  above  his  own  head,  and  threw  him  not  lightly  upon 
the  ground.  "There,  that'll  do  you  for  a  minute."  He 
then  ran  to  Madame  Junk's  door.  "Misthress  Junks! 
Misthress  Junks!  come  out!  Don't  light!  Come  out,  and 
ba  steady.  Don't  light  a  light  for  your  life,  or  we  shall  all 
ba  burnt  out  entirely!  Come  into  the  hall,  and  bring  me 
the  sheets  from  your  bed!"  Larry  O'Doodle  ran  back,  and 
rolled  the  huge  object  over  and  over  with  his  foot  until  he 
reached  the  place  where  he  had  the  encounter  with  the  man. 
He  threw  them  up  together,  as  he  would  any  inanimate 
things,  and  stood  watch  over  them  with  his  shillalah. 

Madame  Junk  came  out  with  the  sheets. 


OBEY  LARRY,  EVERY  ONE  OF  YOU.     473 

"  Kun,  Mistliress  Junks !  run  for  God's  sake!  run  and  tell 
every  one  in  the  house  to  make  no  light,  but  come  quick, 
and  help  me  pen  the  wild  animals  I" 

Madame  Junk  shook  in  every  limb.  She  was  contented 
to  be  guided  by  Larry  O'Doodle.  -  She  thought  the  same 
gang  of  thieves  were  in  the  house  that  had  marauded  in  the 
city  the  night  previous.  She  little  dreamt  who  they  were, 
or  why  Larry  did  not  wish  a  light.  She  was  not  long  in 
bringing  every  inmate  to  the  battle-field.  They  were  all 
charged  over  and  over  not  to  strike  a  match  if  they  did  not 
want  the  house  burnt  down.  Madame  Junk  called  lustily 
at  Mr.  Splinter's  door  to  warn  him  of  the  danger. 

"  You  need  not  ba  after  fretting  about  Misther  Splinter's 
health;  he  is  here  safe  enough." 

"  Oh!  I  am  so  glad;  he  is  so  brave.  I  don't  know  what 
we  should  do  without  him." 

"Humph!  begorra!"  said  Larry.  "Now  thin,  if  you 
will  ba  kind  enough  to  bring  me  the  clothes-line;  we  won't 
just  hang  the  gentlemen,  but  we  will  fix  thim  safe  till 
morning." 

"Why  can't  we  have  a  light?"  said  Madame  Junk,  dis 
patching  the  cook  to  bring  the  clothes-line,  who  replied 
there  might  be  more  out  there. 

"  Don't  feel  afraid,  dear,"  said  Larry;  "they  are  all  in 
this  lump,"  poking  them  with  his  shillalah. 

"  But  I  want  a  light,"  whimpered  the  cook. 

"But  you  can't  ba  after  having  a  light,"  spoke  Larry, 
quite  out  of  temper  with  her  delay  and  the  pain  in  his  arm. 
"  The  house  is  all  covered  over  with  the  divil's  own  sthuff, 
that  will  go  off  the  very  minute  you  sthrike  a  light." 

A  small  company  of  great  groans  ascended  on  high  at 
this  announcement. 

"  Obey  Larry,  every  one  of  you!"  said  Madame  Junk, 
now  fully  realizing  the  situation.  "I  will  go  for  the  lines 
myself." 

She  made  her  way  through  the  dark  rooms  to  the  rear  of 


474  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND    JOE. 

the  house,  muttering  on  her  way:  "  O  Lord,  forgive  them, 
for  they  know  not  what  they  do."  She  made  good  time, 
and  was  back  soon.  The  two  inanimate  things  began  to 
move  and  show  signs  of  life,  and  what  was  Madame  Junk's 
great  surprise  when  she  heard  the  voice  of  Tom  Splinter 
say: 

"  You  are  a  coward,  Larry  O'Doodle,  if  you  don't  kill 
me  now/' 

"  Because  I'm  not  a  coward  is  the  rason  I'll  not  ba  kill 
ing  yez." 

"Why,  Mr.  Splinter!  have  the  thieves  wounded  you?" 

"  'Tis  himself  that  is  the  thief;  so  ba  easy,  Misthress 
Junks,  and  pass  the  twine." 

Larry  tied  Tom's  two  feet  together,  and  then  his  hands 
behind  him.  All  this  time  Madame  Junk  stood  as  one 
stupefied.  "When  she  recovered  her  senses  enough  to  speak, 
she  said: 

"  Larry,  who  are  the  others?" 

"  Indade,  who  should  it  ba  but  Two-fifty  herself?" 

"  Mrs.  Pictpink!     Larry,  it  is  impossible!" 

"No,"  said  Tom  Splinter,  "  it  is  not  impossible.  This 
old  witch  has  waited  long  to  pay  you  back  for  breaking  in 
upon  her  the  way  you  did,  several  years  ago." 

All  this  time  Larry  was  securing  her  by  several  extra 
knots.  There  was  a  silence,  and  nothing  could  be  heard 
but  the  rattling  of  the  rope  on  the  floor  as  Larry  hauled  it 
over  and  wound  it  round  and  round,  letting  the  slack  end 
drop  with  a  thump  at  each  turn. 

"  Madame,"  broke  out  the  voice  of  Tom  Splinter,  "  make 
no  lights  to-night,  if  you  would  have  the  house  stand  over 
your  heads  until  morning." 

"  O  Lord,  forgive  them,  for  they  know  not  what  they  do," 
was  the  only  reply  Madame  Junk  made  to  this  bit  of  infor 
mation. 

"  Larry,  did  I  hit  you  with  my  knife?" 

"You  pricked  me;  but  'tis  not  Larry  O'Doodle  that  is 
kilt." 


NO    ORDERS   FOR    FRIED    SOULS.  475 

"  You  wounded,  Larry?"  asked  Madame  Junk,  in  tones 
of  alarm. 

"  'Tis  not  Larry  O'Doodle  that  will  ba  thinking  of  a  lit 
tle  scratch  now,  save  in  your  presence.  Wid  your  lave, 
Misther  Sphlinter,"  taking  hold  of  his  collar  and  dragging 
him  along  the  hall,  which  produced  a  sound  resembling  an 
old-fashioned  mud  sledge.  He  hauled  him  along  the  floor 
to  his  own  room  and  fastened  him  to  the  bed-post,  and  then 
returned,  for  another  and  a  larger  load,  that  made  audible 
signs  of  life  by  groaning.  All  Madame  Junk's  questions 
were  answered  by  groans.  Mrs.  Pictpink  was  conscious, 
and  had  been  listening  attentively  to  the  conversation.  She 
was  shaping  her  course  to  suit  the  times. 

"  Larry,  I  think  we  had  better  help  Mrs.  Pictpink  to  my 
room/' 

"  You  can  have  her  helped  where  you  plase;  but  she  will 
not  be  after  getting  loose  ferninst  morning,  Misthress  Junks. 
'Tis  not  Larry  O'Doodle  that  will  allow  you  to  ba  deceaved 
eny  more.  Is  it  not  enough  that  she  would  have  burnt 
every  hap  of  us  up — the  house,  the  barn,  the  American 
Girl,  and  every  living  creature  widin  the  gates?  No, 
Misthress  Junks!  'tis  not  Larry  O'Doodle  that  will  ba  allow 
ing  this  woman  to  murther  yez." 

"  She  would  not  have  done  that,  Larry." 

"  She  would  not  have  done  that  same,"  re-echoed  Larry. 
''Wait  until  the  first  dawn  of  the  day,  and  you  will  ba 
saying  that  she  would  have  done  that  same.  She  wanted  to 
kill  yez  from  the  first  step  inside  this  good  Home.  She  will 
get  a  home  that  will  ba  after  reborning  her  better  than  this 
one." 

"  O  Lord,  forgive  them,  for  they  know  not  what  they  do." 

"  They  are  after  knowing  what  they  do,  well  enough;  and 
the  Lord  will  not  ba  forgiving  them,  as  you  do.  He  knows 
better  what  they  are.  He  knows  they  would  ba  burning  us 
all  to  a  crisp.  The  Lord  was  not  giving  any  orders  for  fried 
souls  for  breakfast." 


476  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

"Larry,  the  soul  cannot  be  burned/'  said  Madame  Junk, 
reprovingly. 

""Well,  'tis  not  Larry  O'Doodle  that  would  ba  making  the 
experiment.  'Tis  meself  that  thanks  the  Lord  for  not  hav 
ing  us  all  cooked  at  one  male.  Where  does  she  go?  Some 
one  must  kape  their  two  eyes  on  her. " 

"  Take  her  to  my  room,  Larry." 

""Well,  if  Miss  Blessing  and  the  cook  will  stay  and  see 
that  the  creature  is  quiet,  I  will  ba  sitting  up  wid  the  other 
foine  bird." 

"  But,  Larry,  you  are  wounded." 

"Wid  a  bit  of  a  rag  I  will  ba  doing  until  morning." 

Again  the  sound  of  a  mud  sledge  was  heard,  as  Larry 
drew  the  pondrous  weight  down  the  hall  to  Madame  Junk's 
room. 

The  light  and  wisdom  that  had  shone  as  a  beacon-star  in 
a  depraved  community  sat  in  darkness.  Well,  "the  rain 
falleth  on  the  just  and  the  unjust."  Ever  and  anon  Mad 
ame  Junk  was  heard  to  mutter  something  that  sounded  like 
"  Not  born  right — not  born  right,"  interspersed  by  snatches 
of  prayer:  "O  Lord,  help  the  coming  generations  to  be 
better.  Oh !  may  they  wake  up  to  the  beauties  of  a  higher 
life."  These  beseechings  were  answered  by  groans  from 
Two-fifty. 

After  an  hour  or  so  had  passed,  Two-fifty  called  Madame 
Junk  to  her  side,  and,  in  a  whisper  scarce  above  a  breath, 
asked  that  good  lady  what  the  matter  was. 

"I  fear,  Mrs.  Pictpink,  you  can  tell  me  more  about  it 
than  I  can  you."  Thereupon,  in  another  faint  whisper,  she 
vowed  that  she  could  not.  Then,  by  catching  her  breath 
and  getting  out  one  word  at  a  time,  she  told  Madame  Junk 
how  it  was.  She  heard  a  noise  and  aroused  from  her  couch 
to  learn  the  cause;  she  stepped  into  the  hall,  and  was 
knocked  down  by  some  one.  Then  after  a  little  silence  she 
informed  Madame  Junk,  in  a  more  faint  whisper,  that  she 
believed  that  Larry  O'Doodle  was  a  very  bad  man,  and  had 


READING    THE    NEWS.  477 

done  this  all  himself ;  that  she  knew  him  when  he  was  a 
thief  and  used  to  coine  to  her  place  of  business;  that  she 
always  felt  afraid  he  would  turn  out  bad,  and  this  and  that, 
until  Madame  Junk  was  quite  confused,  and  told  Two-fifty 
it  would  all  be  found  out  very  soon.  To  pacify  Mrs.  Pict- 
pink,  she  made  an  appropriate  quotation  from  the  Bible: 
"Vengeance  is  mine,  saith  the  Lord,  and  I  will  repay." 
This  was  all  Latin  to  Mrs.  Pictpink. 

Senator  A.  Goliah  Smith  and  family  were  gathered  to 
gether  in  the  drawing-room,  where  they  usually  spent  a  few 
hours  after  breakfast. 

' '  What  is  that,  Joe  ?"  said  the  Senator,  pricking  up  his 
ears. 

"What  is  what?" 

' '  I  am  sure  I  heard  a  newsboy  with  an  extra,  crying  that 
the  ringleaders  of  the  band  of  thieves  had  been  caught. 
Hun,  Joe,  down  the  walk,  and  hail  one." 

There  was  no  necessity  of  being  in  haste,  for  newsboys 
were  as  thick  as  hops  that  morning.  Joel  was  not  long  in 
hailing  one  who  had  his  mouth  stretched  to  its  utmost  ca 
pacity,  thinking,  no  doubt,  that  such  a  big  piece  of  news 
could  not  be  got  through  a  small  hole.  Joel  took  the  paper 
and  paid  the  boy  in  proportion  to  the  news.  (Another 
windfall  for  the  press — of  late  they  had  been  raking  in  the 
money.)  On  returning,  he  read  to  the  family  the  news, 
which  produced  a  succession  of  little  screams  from  Mrs. 
Smith,  interspersed  with  several  "  oh  my's!"  which  seemed 
likely  to  end  in  fainting  quite  away. 

Carrie  bit  her  under-lip,  and  the  Senator  looked  stern. 

"Well,  well;  so  that  has  been  the  seat  of  the  disease?  I 
have  feared  something  of  the  kind." 

"Yes,"  chimed  in  Mrs.  Smith;  "that  is  what  one  gets 
for  mingling  with  the  riffraff." 

"Mrs.  Smith,  who  mingles  with  the  riffraff?"  said  the  Sen 
ator.  ' '  Do  you  call  supporting  a  charitable  institution  ming- 


47$  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

ling  with  the  riffraff?  Because  there  are  ohe  or  two  black 
sheep  in  the  flock,  do  you  think  it  is  well  to  condemn  the 
whole?  If  we  go  upon  that  principle,  there  would  be  no  one 
to  support  the  churches.  Joe,  be  kind  enough  to  read  the 
full  account."  Which  he  did,  and  at  every  other  sentence 
Mrs.  Smith  said  "  Oh  my!"  and  the  Senator  muttered  some 
thing  that  sounded  like  c '  Thunder  and  lightning !  The  old 
scratch !  Whew !"  When  Joe  got  to  where  they  were  fixing 
to  burn  the  building,  they  all  held  their  breath.  When  Joel 
had  finished  reading,  the  Senator  arose  from  his  chair.  He 
had  not  left  the  house  since  he  took  such  a  large  dose  of 
chloroform. 

"  Amos,  where  are  you  going,"  inquired  Mrs.  Smith. 

"  Where  am  I  going  ?  Where  should  I  be  going,  but  to 
Madame  Junk's.  If  she  has  any  friends,  I  rather  think  she 
wants  to  see  them  now." 

"  Yes/'  said  Joel;  "  we  must  go  to  her/' 

"  We  includes  me,  I  presume,"  said  Carrie. 

"  Yes,  Carrie,  daughter;  you  will  be  most  welcome  this 
morning.  I  know  the  old  lady's  pride;  she  must  feel  crest 
fallen  enough.  She  will  not  care  a  pin  about  herself;  it  is 
only  others  she  will  fret  over.  I  would  not  have  had  this 
happen  for  twice  the  amount  they  took  from  me.  It  will 
wellnigh  extinguish  the  fire  of  the  old  lady's  reforming 
enthusiasm." 

"In  this  I  think  you  are  mistaken,"  said  Carrie.  "  She 
is  not  one  to  be  put  out  in  that  way;  it  will  only  make  her 
redouble  her  exertions  to  save  more.  She  will  more  than 
ever  see  the  necessity  of  reform,  as  we  all  must. " 

Catharine  Stanly  was  not  at  all  surprised  when  she  heard 
what  had  happened. 

"  Well,"  said  Mr.  Stanly,  "lam  glad  to  learn  that  Larry 
O'Doodle  is  innocent,  and  had  nothing  to  do  with  this  busi 
ness.  I  was  about  to  say  if  that  man  had  turned  thief,  I 
would  never  have  confidence  in  human  nature  again.  By 
the  way,  Catharine,  what  was  Larry  before  Madame  Junk 


NOT   BORN    RIGHT.  479 

took  him  in.  He  could  not  have  been  a  thief,  for  he  has 
nothing-  of  that  in  his  appearance." 

"  No,"  rejoined  Mrs.  Stanly.  "  I  never  understood  that 
he  was  a  thief.  I  think  he  was  a  tramp — a  sort  of  a  vaga 
bond,  and  quite  intemperate  and  indolent;  but  I  never  heard 
a  word  about  other  crimes." 

""Well,  there  it  is,"  said  Mr.  Stanly.  "He  is  a  fine 
specimen  of  a  thoroughly  reformed  man;  but  I  am  very  much 
inclined  to  think  that  a  man  who  is  a  natural-born  thief  will 
die  one.  They  cannot  be  made  over,  and  all  the  reforming 
homes  in  Christendom  will  not  make  them  fit  for  a  place 
among  decent  people.  I  suppose  we  should  drive  out,  and 
see  Madame  Junk.  This  will  be  apt  to  take  the  wind  out 
of  her  sails." 

"  You  don't  know  her  if  you  think  so.  This  will  prove 
the  very  theory  she  has  everlastingly  been  advancing — that 
we  are  not  born  right." 

te  "Well,"  replied  Mr.  Stanly,  "it  is  a  subject  worthy  of 
thought  and  attention." 

Kate  looked  at  her  husband  with  astonishment.  ' '  I 
was  not  aware  you  had  given  this  subject  any  thought." 

"I  have,  and  it  was  through  Madame  Junk  that  I  was  led 
to  think  of  it." 


CHAPTER    LY. 

A  GOLD  MINE—  THE  BOY  SPECK,  A  SCRUBBY  LAMB 
FROM  HUMANITY'S  FLOCK—  A  NEW  HOME—  THE 
HE  A  VENL  Y  FEELING  OF  BENEVOLENCE—  THE  RA  TS 
IN  A  BOX—  SPECK,  THE  HERO  OF  THE  DA  Y. 


two  men  in  a  boat,  that  we  referred  to  in  a  former 
±_  chapter,  hoisted  their  sails,  and  put  out.  The  wind 
was  fair,  and  soon  the  boat  looked  like  a  little  white  speck 
in  the  distance.  They  sailed  down  the  bay  until  they  came 
to  a  small  island  situated  a  few  miles  from  the  city.  "When 
they  came  within  range  of  this  island,  the  sails  were  taken 
in,  and  they  took  to  the  oars,  pulling  vigorously  for  the 
shore.  They  pulled  around  the  opposite  side  of  this  hill  in 
the  water,  and  up  to  a  stake  that  seemed  placed  there  for 
the  use  of  that  especial  boat,  like  a  private  hitching-post  in 
front  of  a  gentleman's  residence. 

"Buh!  buh!  I  am  devilish  cold,"  said  one  of  the  men. 
"  Let  us  down  to  the  digout.  My  stomach  is  crying  cup 
board." 

"  But,"  said  the  other  one,  "  it  is  a  big  job  to  unload 
this  cargo." 

"  The  cargo  can  go  to  the  devil,  for  all  of  me.  Not  one 
hand's  turn  do  I  do  until  I  have  had  something  to  eat  and 
drink." 

"Well,  eat  and  drink  it  is,"  said  the  first  man;  "  only  it 
will  be  poor  fare  we  shall  have  if  we  don't  look  to  our  busi 
ness.     Ha!  ha!     The  Senator  don't  eat  his  breakfast  from 
silver-plate  this  morning." 
(480) 


A    WELL-DEVELOPED    MINE.  481 

"No;  nor  Ms  dinner  either.  Wasn't  it  done  neat?  Do 
you  think  Tom  will  get  over  to-morrow  night?  Didn't  you 
think  Tom  was  full  of  don't-care  ?  I  never  saw  him  look  so 
kind  of  down-in- the-mouth.  He  is  not  chicken-hearted, 
but  he  is  no  kind  of  a  wharf  rat.  He  is  bold,  but  can't 
skulk  worth  nothing/' 

At  this  last  word  the  two  men  passed  from  sight.  They 
walked  up  the  hill  a  few  steps,  moved  something  from  the 
earth,  and  walked  into  the  hill  as  they  would  a  house-door. 
"What  a  nice  place  of  abode  for  persons  of  exclusive  habits! 
No  discordant  music  over  head,  or  under  foot,  or  next  door, 
to  disturb  the  quiet  of  your  repose;  no  aspiring  operatic 
female  to  howl  and  groan  and  pound  the  piano,  and  make 
night  hideous  by  her  wails  from  Norma;  no  fiddles  in  the 
hands  of  young  ideas  that  saw  dying  refrains;  no  trom 
bones  whose  blowers'  cheeks  are  inflated  to  their  utmost 
capacity  in  the  attempt  to  bellow  like  a  calf.  These  wharf- 
rats  are  deprived  of  these  blessings,  and  we  envy  them. 
They  walked  into  this  hill  as  they  would  a  fairly  developed 
mine;  and  it  was  a  mine,  differing  from  others  in  the  fact 
that  gold  and  silver  were  already  coined.  Such  a  mine 
would  be  looked  upon  as  a  rich  find  by  most  any  ambitious 
explorer.  The  aperture  through  which  these  men  passed 
was  curiously  contrived.  It  would  take  a  very  sharp  eye  to 
detect  anything  there.  This  hole  was  three  feet  square,  and 
the  door  that  closed  was  made  in  the  form  of  a  box  eight 
inches  in  depth  and  just  that  many  inches  below  the  surface 
of  the  hillside,  the  upper  edge  of  this  box  coming  just  even 
with  the  surface  of  the  ground.  This  was  filled  with  soil 
and  sodded  over,  looking  as  if  it  had  been  growing  there 
for  the  last  ten  years.  The  grass  was  green,  and  looked 
so  innocent,  you  would  never  have  dreamed  it  was  in  a  box; 
and  so  well  arranged  was  the  whole  thing,  that  you  could 
not  see  that  there  was  any  division  in  the  sod. 

After  a  delay  sufficient  to  refresh  the  inner  man,  these 
two  men  emerged  from  their  underground  abode.  So 
31 


482  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

quickly  did  they  spring  up  and  close  the  green  door,  that 
it  would  puzzle  an  adroit  observer  to  tell  where  they  came 
from.  They  walked  about  the  island  hill,  looking  sharply 
on  all  sides.  There  were  no  fishing-smacks  out  thus  early. 
There  was  nothing  in  sight.  The  firmament  of  stars  looked 
down;  their  silent  appeal  could  not  touch  the  rough  natures 
over  which  they  hung.  The  stars  were  beyond  their  reach. 
Could  they  have  gathered  them  up  and  sold  them  for  gold, 
the  heavens  would  have  been  robbed  before  day-dawn,  and 
each  starry  twinkler  would  have  been  safely  deposited  be 
hind  the  green  door. 

As  the  two  men  jumped  on  shore  there  had  emerged  above 
the  gunwale  of  the  boat  the  head  and  shoulders  of  a  boy. 
He  might  have  been  ten  years  old.  What  a  head  it  was! 
Its  covering  was  a  piece  of  soft  felt  that  had  once  been  a 
hat;  it  lay  quite  snug  to  his  head,  and  came  near  the  eye 
brows.  Stiff  white  hair  protruded  from  this  covering,  that 
looked  more  like  the  bristles  of  a  hog  than  the  hair  of  a 
human  being.  His  face  was  very  thin  and  covered  with 
freckles;  his  eyelashes  were  whiter,  if  possible,  than  his 
hair;  his  ears  were  large  and  lopped  forward;  his  eyes  were 
a  bright  blue;  his  mouth  was  immense  in  width;  his  lips 
were  thin;  his  chin  was  covered  with  scabs.  He  looked  like 
a  half-frozen  and  half-starved  animal.  He  had  doubled 
himself  into  a  knot  something  larger  than  a  quart  bowl,  and 
covered  himself  with  old  sacks  in  the  bottom  of  the  boat. 
If  he  had  been  asked  what  he  designed  doing  when  be 
stored  himself  there,  it  is  very  doubtful  if  he  could  have 
told.  An  innate  desire  to  peep  into  all  things  evil  took  him 
there.  Instinct  further  told  him  it  would  be  instant  death 
if  caught.  This  little  wharf-rat's  experience  taught  him  the 
danger  he  was  exposing  himself  to;  he  knew  those  men 
would  crush  him  as  they  would  a  worm;  but  he  would  see 
what  they  were  doing.  He  had  watched  this  fishing-smack 
for  several  days,  and  like  a  rat  that  smells  offal  which  it 
wishes  to  taste,  he  had  followed  them  up.  While  the  two 


THE    BOY    KEPT    OUT   OF    SIGHT.  483 

men  -were  on  shore  imbibing  in  an  ale-house,  he  crept  011 
board  and  hid  himself.  The  two  men  not  being  aware  of 
their  little  audience  spoke  without  reserve.  This  boy  had 
been  given  the  sobriquet  of  Spectral.  He  was  called  Speck, 
for  short,  in  those  places  which  he  usually  frequented.  His 
existence  was,  and  ever  had  been,  a  meagre  one.  The  pro 
prietors  of  low  dens  were  in  the  habit  of  throwing  him  a 
morsel  of  meat  now  and  then  from  their  free-lunch  tables. 
Drunken  sailors  would  now  and  then  give  him  a  dime.  He 
had  no  especial  place  to  stop.  He  was  one  of  those  general 
public  pigs  that  are  tolerated  in  every  community,  just  for 
the  novelty  of  the  thing. 

Speck  drew  his  head  back  into  the  boat  without  making 
the  least  attempt  to  pick  up  any  of  the  sacks  of  gold  that 
lay  in  the  bottom.  This  urchin  had  marked  well  the  spot 
where  he  saw  the  two  men  go  into  the  ground.  He  crawled 
back  and  covered  himself  with  the  old  sacks.  Presently 
the  men  came  on  board  and  lifted  these  canvas  bags  filled 
with  massive  silver-plate  over  the  side  of  the  boat,  chink 
ing  the  sacks  of  money.  Speck  waited  until  he  was  con 
vinced  they  had  removed  everything.  Again  that  head  came 
out  just  in  time  to  see  the  men  walk  into  the  hill,  each  with 
a  sack  on  his  shoulder.  They  were  gone  a  few  moments 
and  returned  for  another  load.  Again  the  head  came  out. 
Then  Speck  crawled  back;  he  began  to  think  he  was  in  a 
dilemma.  How  long  would  they  stay  here,  and  what  should 
he  do  for  something  to  eat?  He  was  almost  starved.  What 
did  he  come  for?  He  would  be  killed  if  he  came  out;  and 
if  the  men  remained  there  a  week  he  should  starve  to  death. 
Happy  thought!  maybe  they  would  sleep  in  the  hole,  and 
he  would  come  out  at  night,  take  their  fishing  tackle,  and 
fish.  Who  knew  but  what  he  might  catch  a  sturgeon? 

Thus  Speck  reasoned  with  himself.  All  day  this  public 
pig  lay  stowed  away  like  a  sack  of  meal.  All  day  long 
he  did  not  venture  his  head  out.  What  could  the  men  be 
doing  in  that  hole — counting  their  money?  He  thought 


484  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

how  ricli  they  will  be.  Would  they  be  good  now,  and  dress 
up  in  fine  clothes,  and  live  in  a  grand  house,  and  have  nno 
horses  and  handsome  wives?  Would  they  get  into  office 
where  they  could  pull  his  ears?  Speck  thought  if  they  have 
all  this  money  they  can  buy  all  creation.  It  had  not  dawned 
upon  the  boy's  mind  that  the  money  was  not  theirs.  As  he 
is  compelled  to  remain  quiet,  the  idea  may  come  to  him 
after  a  while. 

Naught  is  made  in  vain.  The  meanest  worm  that  crawls 
the  earth  is  of  some  use.  Now  this  waif,  with  neither 
father  nor  mother,  friend  nor  home,  may  be  an  instrument 
in  the  hands  of  a  just  God  to  work  out  a  great  end.  If  the 
white  hairs  of  his  head  are  numbered,  his  soul  is  worth 
gathering  into  the  fold.  He  is  one  of  the  flock — a  scrubby 
lamb  it  may  be — but  with  care  his  fleece  may  grow  white. 
How  should  this  public  pig  know  the  right  path?  Uncared 
for,  unkempt,  untaught,  what  opportunities  has  he  had  to 
learn  right  from  wrong  ?  And  yet  instinct  teaches  a  dog  or 
a  hog  right  from  wrong.  A  dog  will  steal  into  your  larder 
and  lug  off  a  bit  of  meat;  the  very  fact  of  his  doing  it  when 
unobserved  shows  that  he  thinks  it  is  wrong.  An  old  hog 
will  get  into  your  garden  and  root  and  tear  about,  but  the 
moment  he  sees  you  coming,  away  he  runs,  trying  at  every 
step  to  do  more  mischief;  every  move  shows  that  this  hog 
knows  that  he  i^  on  forbidden  ground.  Now,  the  untaught 
child  of  humanity  only  knows  right  from  wrong  on  the 
same  principles.  Instinct  is  the  birthright  of  every  living 
thing;  but  animal  instinct  is  far  keener  than  human  in 
stinct.  How  then  can  God  and  humanity  hold  accountable 
those  creatures  whose  tiny  germ  of  intellect  has  not  been 
developed  even  to  its  poor  limit?  We  incarcerate  these 
hogs  because  they  root  up  our  gardens.  We  imprison  small 
minds  because  what  little  they  know  runs  to  deviltry;  we 
blame  them  because  they  are  ignorant;  we  hold  them  re 
sponsible  because  they  are  not  more  moral.  There  is  only 
one  instance  on  record  where  something  was  made  out  of 
nothing,  and  that  was  when  God  made  the  world. 


SPECK    FINDS    A    PRIZE.  485 

Now,  this  little  Speck  we  have  taken  up  was  shrewd  in 
small  ways.  He  could  steal  and  lie  as  expertly  in  small 
ways  as  some  of  our  greater  minds  do  in  large  ways;  and  we 
make  no  doubt  but  that  in  time,  and  with  half  their  school 
ing,  ho  will  distance  some  of  them  by  great  odds.  Speck 
had  never  kept  still  so  long  since  he  was  born.  Thoughts 
might  have  crept  in  through  his  white  hair,  and  settled  in 
the  top  of  his  head;  but  they  never  got  nearer  than  the  top 
most  ends  of  his  white  bristles,  for  he  would  shake  them  off. 
But  now  he  had  got  into  a  box,  and  must  keep  quiet.  New 
thoughts  had  him  at  their  mercy.  They  would  creep  up 
and  take  possession  of  their  victim.  The  first  thought  that 
took  possession  of  his  white  top-knot  was,  "  What  shall  I  do 
for  something  to  eat  ?' '  There  was  110  response  to  this  ques 
tion;  no  still  small  voice  said,  "Be  quiet,  Speck;  God  has 
promised  to  feed  the  orphans."  All  the  day  long  he  laid  in 
the  boat.  Once  or  twice  the  men  came  on  board,  but  he 
heard  no  word  or  sign  that  they  intended  to  shove  out. 
When  night  came  on  he  concluded  that  they  intended  to 
remain  in  the  hole  up  the  hill.  He  ventured  out,  and  crept 
on  his  hands  and  knees  to  the  opposite  end  of  the  boat,  feel 
ing  every  inch  of  the  way  to  see  if  he  could  pick  up  some 
stray  crumbs  of  food.  At  last  he  struck  something  that  felt 
like  a  bone;  it  was  wrapped  about  with  a  cloth  of  some  sort. 
Speck  seized  it  eagerly;  undid  it,  and  found  part  of  a  ham 
and  some  dry  crackers.  So  overjoyed  was  Speck  that  he 
would  have  thanked  God  if  he  had  known  anything  about 
Him.  He  took  from  his  pocket  a  dull  knife,  and  sawed  with 
all  his  strength  until  he  had  severed  a  good  slice.  But  his 
natural  instinct  told  him  that  he  must  not  take  it  all,  for  it 
would  be  missed.  He  wrapped  both  crackers  and  meat  up 
as  nearly  as  ho  could  guess  they  were  done  before,  and  with 
his  treasure  crept  back  to  his  hiding-place.  He  had  just 
time  to  creep  under  tho  sacks  when  the  two  men  came  on 
board.  They  were  questioning  whether  it  was  best  to  return 
to  the  city  that  night  or  wait  until  to-morrow.  Speck  held 


486  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

his  breath  and  listened.  They  finally  concluded  they  would 
wait  until  the  next  night.  Then  they  went  on  shore,  and 
Speck  was  left  to  enjoy  his  evening  meal  alone.  It  tasted 
good.  He  could  smack  his  lips  as  loud  as  he  wished,  for 
there  was  no  one  to  hear.  When  he  had  finished,  he  laughed 
a  little  low  laugh,  just  to  hear  his  own  voice.  Then  he  was 
quiet,  and  thoughts  began  to  come  in  and  keep  him  com 
pany,  and  the  little  white-headed  boy  actually  enjoyed  him 
self.  He  was  thinking  what  he  would  do  if  he  had  all  that 
money.  "When  he  was  a  big  man,  like  these  men,  he  would 
have  as  much.  He  could  get  it  just  as  well  as  they  did.  In 
his  eyes  these  men  were  heroes — great  men.  They  had 
done  a  big  thing;  they  were  rich;  they  could  have  all  they 
wanted;  they  could  have  shoes  to  wear;  they  could  buy  a 
boat,  and  sail  around  the  world.  Where  did  these  men  get 
that  money  ?  and  had  the  man  they  took  it  from  any  more  ? 
and  what  would  he  do  for  some  ?  Then  he  laughed.  "  He 
will  have  nothing  to  eat  like  me.  Would  not  that  man  be 
glad,  though,  if  he  knew  who  had  his  money,  and  where  it 
was?"  Now  comes  another  thought:  "Wouldn't  he  be 
glad  if  I  should  go  and  tell  him !"  Then  another  thought 
followed  that:  "  What  would  that  man  give  me  if  I  should 
go  and  tell  him?  I  know  now!  I'll  fix  'em!  Just  let  me 
get  back,  and  I'll  tell  the  gentleman  where  they  are.  They 
would  not  give  me  some  if  I  should  ask  "em.  They  would 
kill  me,  and  stick  me  up  in  the  hole.  Speck  will  fix  'em!" 
and  he  laughed  a  little  low  laugh  again.  He  thought  that 
he  saw  the  gentleman  giving  him  a  whole  ham  for  telling 
where  the  money  was,  and  he  opened  his  wide  mouth  as  if 
he  would  swallow  a  whole  ham  then  and  there.  Wouldn't 
it  be  jolly  to  look  at  rats  in  a  cage — big  rats  that  he  caught 
himself  ?  Wouldn't  it  be  fine  fun  to  poke  'em  through  the 
bars  with  a  long  stick,  and  say  that  it  was  Speck  that  put 
you  in  here  ?  "  How  I  would  like  to  do  it,  just  to  pay  'em 
back  for  keeping  me  in  this  hole,  and  starving  me  to  death! 
Yes,  I'll  do  it,  that  I  will.  The  grand  gentleman  shall  have 


THE    BOAT   AGAIN    IN    MOTION.  487 

all  his  money  back.  I'll  Speck  'em.  They'll  find  that  little 
rats  have  ears  as  VvTell  as  big  ones."  Speck  had  evidently 
forgotten  that  he  was  there  from  his  own  choice.  He  knew 
that  he  would  be  killed  if  he  was  caught,  and  from  this 
arose  the  feeling  that  he  was  in  some  way  persecuted — kept 
there  and  starved  to  death.  It  never  occurred  to  this  pub 
lic  pig  that  lie  could  render  the  community  a  great  service. 
What  should  he  know  of  such  examples  ?  No  one  had  ever 
sacrificed  themselves  for  his  comfort.  What  should  he 
know  about  doing  a  kind  turn  ? 

All  the  night  long  the  black  lamb  from  out  humanity's 
flock  lay  awake  drawing  up  his  plans,  as  concisely,  in  his 
way,  as  an  adroit  general  who  is  about  to  marshal  a  regi 
ment  of  soldiers  on  a  battle-field.  It  was  the  very  first  time 
he  had  kept  company  with  thoughts,  and  to-night  he  was 
captain  of  a  large  company  of  them.  He  drew  them  up  in 
line;  he  ordered  them  to  forward,  charge,  and  fire!  There 
was  no  retreat  to  little  Speck's  regiment.  They  would  win 
the  battle  or  die  in  the  attempt!  It  is  not  best  that  he  be 
lost  in  reverie  too  long,  lest  he  forget  where  he  is,  and 
crawl  out,  trying  to  set  things  in  motion  before  it  is  time. 
When  daylight  dawned,  it  was  then  he  began  to  have  a  de 
sire  to  peep  out — to  go  out  and  be  free.  But  he  must  remain 
quiet  all  that  clay,  and  far  into  the  night;  for  it  was  not 
likely  these  men  would  care  to  arrive  in  the  city  before  night. 
Then  he  asked  himself  the  question  whether  they  would  go 
011  shore,  and  give  him  a  chance  to  get  off.  Once  safely  on 
land,  the  little  rat  would  find  plenty  of  places  to  hide. 
During  the  day  one  of  the  men  came  to  the  boat,  and  poked 
something  in,  pushing  it  snug  up  against  Speck,  until  each 
particular  white  hair  stood  on  end. 

During  the  latter  part  of  the  afternoon,  Speck  fell  asleep. 
He  thought  he  must  have  slept  a  long  time;  for  when  he 
awoke  the  boat  was  in  motion.  The  wind  must  have  been 
unfavorable,  for  the  men  were  at  the  oars,  and  every  stroke 
made  music  in  the  ears  of  Speck.  He  no  longer  thought  of 


488  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

informing  on  the  men.  He  felt  so  grateful  they  were  taking 
him  back,  where  he  could  get  out  and  breathe  the  fresh  air. 
You  will  observe  how  the  boy's  fancy  had  already  began  to 
develop.  He  began  to  think  he  was  receiving  a  personal 
favor.  The  sea  was  smooth;  he  could  hear  every  stroke  of 
the  oars.  He  could  hear  every  oath  they  uttered,  and  the 
snatches  of  song  they  sang. 

At  last  the  boat  stopped.  Speck  held  his  breath,  and  lis 
tened.  Then  he  heard  the  pulling  of  ropes,  and  then  the 
words  "  Come  on!  I  am  going  on  shore."  At  length  all 
was  quiet,  and  he  peeped  out.  They  were  gone,  and  there 
was  the  city,  with  its  myriad  gaslights,  and  here  was  the 
hungriest  little  Speck  that  ever  jumped  on  shore.  The  boy 
had  taken  but  a  step  or-  two  when  he  happened  to  think 
about  that  ham.  He  returned,  and  found  it  in  the  same 
place.  He  tucked  it  under  his  arm,  and,  with  one  of  those 
malicious  laughs,  walked  away. 

Speck  walked  for  some  distance  along  the  wharf  until  he 
came  to  a  narrow  alley.  He  turned  up  this.  Walking  a 
block  and  a  half,  he  stopped  before  a  story -and-a-half  house, 
with  a  sign  placed  on  the  peak  of  the  gable,  which  was  half 
as  tall  as  the  house  itself.  This  sign  read,  "  Sailors'  Board 
ing  House/'  The  letters  were  immense  in  length,  and  sig 
nificant  of  the  inmates,  for  not  one  of  them  stood  straight. 
They  all  looked  as  if  they  had  "  three  sheets  in  the  wind, 
and  the  other  fluttering."  The  whole  front  of  the  house 
was  a  bar-room,  kitchen  and  eating  room.  The  sleeping- 
rooms  were  in  the  half  story  overhead.  A  little  narrow 
stairway  led  up  from  the  outside.  Into  this  stairway  Speck 
slunk.  He  went  up  three  steps,  sat  down,  and  prepared  to 
make  a  raid  on  that  ham.  Together  with  sawing  and  gnaw 
ing,  he  made  quite  a  hearty  meal.  Placing  his  head  on  the 
step  above  the  one  on  which  he  sat,  and  beside  the  ham- 
bone,  he  fell  asleep.  He  dreamt  that  he  called  at  a  house, 
and  was  talking  with  a  great  gentleman  that  had  lost  all  his 
silver,  and  that  the  gentleman  had  given  him  a  ham  for 


A  DREADFUL  RUMPUS  OUT  THERE.      489 

telling.  He  was  aroused  by  a  loud  laugh;  he  rubbed  his 
eyes  with  his  greasy  hands,  and  looked  down  at  the  bottom 
of  the  steps,  and  saw  an  old  sailor,  who  had  in  times  gone 
by  given  him  a  bit  to  dance. 

"Ha!  ha!"  roared  the  old  salt.  "Shiver  my  timbers, 
if  here  ain't  little  Speck  asleep  alongside  a  ham  bone!  Ha! 
ha!  Speck,  did  you  eat  all  that  ham  yourself?" 

Speck  jumped  up,  ran  down  the  steps,  and  presented  the 
bone  to  the  sailor. 

' '  I  don't  want  it,  little  rat.     Did  you  steal  it  ?" 

"  Yes,"  said  Speck.    "  Don't  peach;  they  will  kill  me." 

"  Kill  you,  Speck!     Who  will  kill  you?3' 

"  Them  where  I  took  it." 

"Well,  I  don't  tell,  you  little  fool.  I'd  have  done  the 
same  myself  if  I  was  hungry  and  couldn't  get  a  bite.  Don't 
be  scared,  pig.  Jack  Tar  is  not  going  to  peach  about  that. 
Where  have  you  been  these  clays?" 

"  Under  the  wharf,  fishing,"  said  Speck,  now  fully  awake, 
and  beginning  to  lie  with  all  his  old  instinct. 

"  Hum !    Did  you  catch  a  whale?" 

The  boy  looked  out  from  under  his  white  eyebrows,  and 
there  was  a  peculiar  twinkle  all  over  his  face. 

"  If  I  sed  I  did,  you  would  say  I  was  spiiming  a  yarn." 

"  If  you  would  show  me  the  whale,  I'd  say  you  was  spin 
ning  a  true  one." 

"When  I  gets  the  whale  in  a  box  I'll  show  him  to  you. 
You'll  see  as  little  Speck  can  catch  a  big  fish." 

"See  here,  little  Speck;  what  is  the  matter  with  you? 
Have  you  been  to  the  Reformatory  Factory?" 

""Where  is  that?'3  said  the  boy,  looking  up,  with  an  in 
quiring  expression  upon  his  face. 

"  Out  here,"  said  the  old  sailor,  nodding  his  head  this 
way,  to  indicate  the  direction. 

"  What  do  they  do  there?" 

"Why,  they  make  folks  like  you  and  I  be  born  over 
again.  They  had  a  dreadful  rumpus  two  or  three  nights 


MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

ago  out  there — tried  to  burn  the  old  head  saint  up.  Tom 
Splinter  was  caught,  and  a  fine  thing  he  has  fixed  for  him 
self,"  said  the  old  sailor,  walking  away  and  muttering  as  if 
he  had  been  rather  addressing  himself  than  the  boy. 

Little  Speck  walked  away  like  a  poor  dog  to  hide  his 
bone,  for  there  was  still  as  much  meat  on  it  as  had  some 
times  served  him  for  a  week.  This  done,  he  returned  and 
sat  down  on  the  stairs  again.  Tom  Splinter?  Yes;  that 
was  the  name  he  heard  the  men  call  as  he  lay  hid  in  the 
boat.  Now  Speck  was  thinking,  where  shall  I  go  to  hear 
more?  A  great  desire  to  know  all  about  this  seemed  to  take 
sudden  possession  of  him,  without  any  definite  idea  what 
he  should  do  when  he  had  found  it  out.  It  was  very  sel 
dom  little  Speck  ever  went  into  the  civilized  part  of  the  city. 
"What  would  Speck  have  to  do  among  the  civilized  people, 
with  his  trowsers  slit  and  in  tatters,  his  bare  feet,  and  a 
griddle  cake  on  his  head  for  a  hat?  But  a  sudden  awaken 
ing  to  know  what  was  going  on  in  lae  world  had  taken  pos 
session  of  him.  He  marched  boldly  forth  and  would 
promenade  with  the  best.  The  streets  were  thick  with  news 
boys,  with  packages  hung  over  their  arms,  crying  as  if  their 
throats  would  split:  "  The  last  horror!" 

"  Yes;  that's  it,"  said  Speck,  stopping  to  listen,  and  try 
ing  to  catch  every  word.  At  last  a  very  small  boy,  not 
much  larger  than  himself,  came  along.  Speck  stepped 
boldly  up  and  pulled  him  by  the  sleeve.  The  newsboy 
turned  about  and  eyed  Speck  with  contempt. 

"What's  that  you're  a-yelling?"  demanded  Speck. 

"  The  news." 

"  What  news?"  said  Speck. 

"  I'll  tell  you,  if  you  will  help  me  carry  the  papers." 

Speck  reached  for  the  package,  slung  it  over  his  shoulder 
as  he  had  seen  the  others  do,  and  walked  beside  the  boy,  who 
cried  the  same  thing  over  and  over,  and  asked  every  gentle 
man  he  met  if  he  would  have  a  paper.  They  walked  and 
walked  until  Speck  began  to  get  tired,  and  not  much  wiser. 


READING    THE    NEWS.  49 1 

"  Come,  ain't  ye  going*  to  tell  me  the  news?"  said  Speck. 

"  Can't  you  read?" 

"No;  can  you?" 

"  Yes;  like  a  top.  When  I  sell  out  we  will  sit  down  and 
I  will  read  you  the  news." 

"  Will  ye  walk  till  ye  sell  all  of  these  'ere  papers?" 

"  No;  when  we  go  through  the  post-office  then  we  will 
read." 

"  How  long  will  that  take  ?" 

"  About  an  hour." 

So  the  two  boys  trudged  on,  Speck  carrying  the  package 
all  the  way,  just  for  the  news  it  contained.  As  the  two 
trudged  along,  the  newsboy  turned  to  Speck  with  an  inquis 
itive  leer,  and  asked, 

"  What  do  you  do  ?" 

"  Do?"  said  Speck. 

"  I  mean,  how  do  you  get  your  living  ?" 

"  Oh,  I  work." 

"What  kind  of  work?" 

"  I  dance  sometimes,  and  sing  sometimes." 

"  Dance!"  said  the  newsboy,  glaring  at  Speck's  bare  feet 
and  ragged  pantaloons.  "  Yes,  I  see  you  have  danced  your 
clothes  almost  off  your  back,  and  some  of  the  hide  off  your 
chin." 

By  this  time  the  boys  had  arrived  at  the  post-office;  the 
newsboy  shouting,  "Here's your  morning  paper !  All  about 
the  last  horror!  Here's  the  Morning  Express!  All  about 
the  thieves  that  tried  to  burn  up  the  Reformatory  Home!" 
When  they  had  passed  through  the  post-office,  they  sat 
dow\i  upon  the  step.  The  newsboy  ordered  Speck  to  sit 
down  with  as  pompous  an  air  as  if  he  had  been  a  judge,  and 
Speck  a  criminal  upon  whom  he  was  about  to  pronounce 
sentence.  He  spread  the  paper  out  over  his  knee,  and 
patted  it  with  the  palm  of  his  hand.  He  smoothed  out  the 
creases,  and  proceeded  to  read  the  heading.  Speck  drew 
close  to  the  boy's  elbow,  taking  off  the  pancake  on  his  head 


492  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

to  let  the  knowledge  in.  It  could  not  be  expected  that 
Speck  would  understand  every  word.  The  flowery  rhetoric 
of  the  local  aspirant  for  literary  fame  was  as  pearls  before 
swine.  When  the  newsboy  had  finished  reading  a  solid 
column  and  a  half,  Speck  began  to  ask  questions. 

"  Where  did  the  man  live  ?" 

"  Why,  you  ninny,  didn't  I  just  read  you  where  he 
lived  ?" 

"Oh!  read  it  now.     Where  is  the  street?"  said  Speck. 

"  Why,  you  must  be  a  fool  if  you  don't  know  where  that 
street  is.  All  the  grandees  live  on  that  street;  but  then 
you  have  so  much  dancing  to  do  that  you  can't  know." 
The  newsboy  began  to  explain  where  the  street  was.  He 
crossed  his  forefingers,  and  said,  "You  must  pass  this  way, 
and  then  down  that,  and  up  that,  and  then  round  the  cor 
ner,  and  there  you  are." 

It  was  just  as  easy  for  Speck  to  find  a  needle  in  a  haystack 
as  to  keep  track  of  such  a  description;  but  he  had  not  the 
courage  to  ask  the  boy  to  tell  him  over  again.  The  newsboy 
shoved  his  hands  far  down  into  his  breeches  pockets,  and 
eyed  Speck  from  top  to  toe. 

* c  Look  ahere !  what  are  you  so  dreadful  particular  to  know 
where  this  man  lives  for?  Going  up  there  to  dance  and 
sing,  hey  ?" 

"No,  no!  The  other  day  a  man  asked  me  to  take  a 
budget  up  there,  and  I  did  not  know  the  way." 

"Oh!"  and  the  newsboy  glared  at  Speck's  make-up. 
"  Why,  you  would  scare  hens  off  from  their  roost,  and 
frighten  the  watch-dog  into  a  fit,  if  you  went  looking  as  you 
do  now." 

Speck  began  wondering  if  he  was  such  a  horrible-looking 
creature  as  to  scare  a  hen  off  her  roost  and  frighten  the 
watch-dog  into  a  fit.  Speck  deliberately  walked  away  with 
out  uttering  one  word.  He  resolved  to  walk  the  streets 
awhile  longer,  and  listen  to  all  he  could  catch  regarding 
this  matter. 


FIVE    THOUSAND    DOLLARS    REWARD.  493 

Speck  was  sauntering  through  one  of  the  main  thorough 
fares,  when  his  attention  was  attracted  toward  two  gentle 
men,  who  were  standing  on  a  corner.  Speck  heard  the 
words : 

"  They  took  nearly  everything  I  had  of  any  value." 

"  Do  you  think  the  police  will  ferret  out  the  matter  ?" 

"  Well,  I  don't  know.  I  have  more  faith  in  the  reward 
I  have  offered  than  in  the  whole  posse  of  them." 

"How  much  is  it?" 

"  Five  thousand  dollars." 

"Ah,  indeed!  that  will  be  likely  to  bring  them  in.  I 
wish  you  all  success.  Good  morning." 

The  two  gentlemen  went  their  separate  ways.  Speck  fol 
lowed  the  one  who  had  offered  five  thousand  dollars  reward 
for  something;  but  he  could  not  make  out  what.  Speck 
kept  the  man  in  sight,  and  it  seemed  to  him  that  they  walked 
a  long  distance,  when  the  man  stopped  in  front  of  a  beauti 
ful  residence,  and  was  about  to  open  a  gate. 

This  was  no  less  a  person  than  Senator  A.  Goliah  Smith 
that  was  leading  on  this  public  pig,  whom  the  very  dogs 
would  howl  at.  Was  this  the  great  man  who  could  afford 
to  give  five  thousand  dollars  for  the  punishment  of  thieves 
to  be  befriended  by  so  small  a  specimen  of  humanity  ?  Ma}T- 
hap  God  was  fulfilling  His  promise  when  He  said,  "  Cast 
thy  bread  upon  the  waters,  and  it  shall  return  to  you  after 
many  day s. ' '  This  great-hearted  man  had  befriended  orphan 
boys,  and  from  out  the  heart  of  the  multitude  God  would 
bring  one  to  return  the  favor. 

"  Mister!  Mister!"  piped  Speck. 

The  Senator  faced  about  and  looked  at  Speck  from  head 
to  foot,  and  without  uttering  a  word  drew  out  some  silver 
coin  which  he  reached  toward  the  boy,  taking  it  for  granted 
that  that  was  what  he  wanted. 

"  See  here,  Mister;  I  don't  want  money.  I  want  to  tell 
you  something." 

"Well,  what  is  it?"  said  the  Senator,  looking  at  Speck 
more  intently  than  ever. 


494  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

"  Did  some  chaps  get  into  your  house  one  night?" 

"  Yes.     What  do  you  know  about  it?" 

"I  seen  something,"  said  Speck,  with  a  knowing  look, 
blinking  his  white  eyelashes. 

' '  Do  you  wish  to  tell  me  what  you  have  seen  ?" 

"Yes;  I  do/5 

"  Come  in,"  said  the  Senator,  opening  the  gate  and  lead 
ing  the  way  up  to  the  house.  He  bade  the  boy  follow  him 
to  his  study.  To  Speck  it  seemed  like  a  dream.  He  had 
never  been  in  such  a  house  before,  and  had  scarce  ever  seen 
one  from  the  outside.  His  eyes  rolled  up  to  the  stucco  and 
at  the  silken  damask  curtains,  the  many  books,  the  easy 
chairs,  and  the  beautiful  carpet.  He  opened  his  great  mouth 
as  if  he  could  see  something  with  that.  The  Senator  un 
derstood  enough  of  human  nature  to  allow  him  time  to  take 
everything  in  undisturbed.  After  some  ten  minutes  had 
elapsed,  he  ventured  to  ask  Speck  if  he  liked  it. 

"Beitallyour'n?" 

"Yes;  all  mine/'  said  the  Senator,  not  a  little  amused  at 
the  unfeigned  surprise  of  the  boy.  "  But  what  have  you  to 
tell  me?" 

Speck  took  one  more  look  about  and  began  by  asking  the 
Senator  if  he  was  going  to  kill  him  if  he  told  him  some 
thing. 

"Kill  you!"  said  Mr.  Smith.  "If  you  are  a  good  boy 
and  tell  me  the  truth,  I  will  be  the  best  friend  you  ever 
had."  (That  was  no  great  promise.) 

"  I'll  tell  you  all  I've  seen,  as  sure's  I  live." 

And  Speck  related  to  Mr.  Smith,  in  his  disjointed  way, 
how  he  had  concealed  himself  in  the  boat,  about  the  men, 
the  hole  in  the  hill,  and  the  bags  they  carried  up  there;  how 
the  men  looked  and  where  they  started  from. 

"  But  why  did  you  come  to  tell  me  of  it?" 

"  'Cause—" 

"  Because  what?" 

"  'Cause  they  would  kill  me  if  they  catched  me  there." 


SPECK    PROMISED    MORE    HAM.  495 

"But  they  did  not  catch  you.  Did  you  think  I  would 
give  you  money  for  telling  ?" 

"  No." 

"What  did  you  think?" 

"  I  thought  you  would  give  me  some  ham." 

"Are  you  hungry?" 

"  I'm  allers  hungry." 

"  "Where  do  you  live?" 

"  Down  at  the  wharf." 

"But  what  house?" 

"  No  house." 

"Where  do  you  sleep?" 

"In  a  barrel." 

' '  Were  you  sent  here  ?" 

"No;  I  folleredyou." 

"  But  how  did  you  know  I  was  the  man?" 

"  I  lieerd  you  talking,  and  guessed  so." 

"  Could  you  find  this  place  where  the  men  hid  the  bags?" 

"Yes;  I  could." 

"  Would  you  like  to  stay  with  me  a  few  days?" 

Speck  rolled  his  eyes  all  round  the  room  again,  and  looked 
down  to  his  bare  feet  and  ragged  clothing,  as  if  he  were 
dreaming. 

' '  I  will  give  you  all  the  ham  you  want,  if  everything  you 
have  told  me  proves  to  be  true." 

"  Mister,  you  see  the  end  of  my  finger,  don't  you?"  said 
Speck,  holding  up  his  forefinger. 

"  Yes,  I  see  it,"  said  the  Senator,  wondering  what  the  boy 
could  mean. 

"You  see  it,  do  you,  Mister?  Now  you  hear  me  say 
ham!  ham!  ham!"  and  Speck  opened  his  big  mouth  to  its 
utmost  width,  and  pronounced  the  words  separately  and  dis 
tinctly.  "Did  you  hear  that,  Mister — ham!  ham!  ham! 
You  heerd  it,  did  you  ?" 

"  Yes,"  said  the  Senator,  half  amused,  now  believing  that 
the  boy  was  very  hungry  or  insane. 


496  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

Speck  -was  very  silent.  This  was  his  first  attempt  at  illus 
tration,  and  he  was  trying  to  fix  in  his  niind  the  best  mode 
of  going  on  with  it. 

"Yes,  my  boy,  I  heard  you  use  the  word  ham.  What 
of  it  ?" 

"Oh!  ye  did,  did  ye?"  said  Speck,  brightening  up. 
"Well,  as  true  as  ye  heerd,  I  heerd  what  I  told  ye.  As 
true  as  ye  seen  the  end  of  my  finger,  so  true  I  seen  what  I 
told  ye." 

The  Senator  started  up,  and  viewed  Speck  with  fresh  in 
terest.  The  illustration  was  simple,  but  not  wanting  in 
effect. 

"  So  you  will  stay  with  me  for  a  time?" 
"  If  they  catch  me  they  will  kill  me/'  said  Speck. 
"  They  won't  catch  you  while  you  are  in  my  house." 
The  Senator  touched  the  bell,  and  his  servant  appeared, 
but  stopped,  looking  aghast  at  the  guest  within. 

"  Take  this  boy,  and  see  that  he  has  a  good  bath,  clean, 
comfortable  clothes,  shoes,  stockings,  hat,  and,  in  short, 
everything  that  will  make  him  look  human/' 
"  And  a  ham!"  piped  Speck. 

"  Yes,  and  give  him  plenty  to  eat;  and  ham,  if  he  prefers 
it.  Call  the  hairdresser,  and  have  his  hair  trimmed;  and  I 
would  suggest  that  it  be  well  oiled." 

The  Senator  was  moved  to  this  suggestion  by  the  individ 
uality  of  Speck's  hair.  Each  hair  stood  up  alone,  without 
any  friendly  support  from  its  neighbors.  Between  each  two 
hairs  the  scalp  looked  like  the  back  of  a  scrubby  pig. 

The  Senator  is  lost  in  thought.  He  wonders  how  many 
such  unkempt  boys  there  are  in  the  city.  His  thoughts  take 
in  Madame  Junk.  Yes,  her  head  is  level  in  this  direction. 
We  do  need  a  reform  for  these  waifs.  What  better  or  more 
charitable  object  could  a  man  have  than  to  care  for  such 
boys?  What  a  glorious  work  to  make  men  out  of  such 
material!  But,  the  devil!  there  is  the  brains — we  can't 
make  brains.  If  they  only  have  brains  there  is  no  fear.  At 


IF  THEY  ONLY  HAVE  BRAINS.        497 

all  events,  he  had  picked  up  one  of  the  worst-looking  speci 
mens  he  had  ever  seen,  and  would  try  his  hand  on  it.  Then 
his  thoughts  turned  to  Joel,  how  he  had  befriended  him; 
but  that  was  another  thing.  There  was  a  boy  who  had 
brains,  and  could  almost  boast  of  blue  blood,  and  blood 
would  tell.  He  would  send  for  his  son  and  daughter;  he 
would  counsel  with  them  over  this  new  resolution.  He 
touched  the  bell,  and  the  same  man  put  his  head  in. 

«  Well,  how  is  little  tow-head?" 

"All  right.     You  won't  know  him." 

"  Ah,  indeed!  Please  say  to  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Fletcher  that 
I  would  like  to  see  them  a  few  moments." 

The  message  was  delivered,  and  they  were  soon  at  the 
study-door.  A  slight  tap  was  responded  to  by  a  hearty 
"  Come  in."  When  they  had  been  made  acquainted  with 
all  that  had  happened,  Joel  was  in  doubt  about  the  boy, 
while  Carrie  was  in  sympathy  with  him. 

"Where  is  he,  father?  Most  certainly  we  will  try  and 
reform  him.  Besides,  if  this  is  true  which  he  has  told 
father,  we  are  under  obligations  to  him." 

"Yes,"  responded  Joel,  "if  it  is  true;  but  this  sort  of 
thing  is  played  so  frequently  that  it  is  best  to  have  our  eyes 
open.  What  more  do  you  think  of  doing,  father  ?" 

"Well,  that  is  a  question  I  wished  to  confer  with  you 
about.  If  we  place  this  in  the  hands  of  the  authorities,  it 
must  be  done  with  caution.  We  will  think  of  it  to-day,  and 
to-morrow  we  will  act.  Meanwhile,  we  will  keep  the  boy 
here." 

Again  the  Senator  summoned  a  servant. 

"  Has  the  young  gentleman  completed  his  toilet  yet?" 

"  Yes,  Sir." 

"Well,  bring  him  in." 

Whereupon  Master  Spectral  was  ushered  into  the  pres 
ence  of  the  trio.  The  Senator  was  so  much  astonished  at 
the  boy's  metamorphosis  that  he  leaned  forward  in  his  chair 
and  stared  at  the  boy  for  a  full  minute.  His  white  hair  was 
32 


49 8  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

two  shades  darker;  in  place  of  the  unhealthy  gray  look 
about  his  face  there  was  a  glow;  the  clean  white  shirt,  the 
respectable  coat  and  pantaloons,  and  the  good  substantial 
shoes,  all  combined  to  make  him  look  quite  anotber  boy. 
None  but  those  who  have  done  such  benevolent  deeds  can 
realize  the  great  pleasure  the  Senator  enjoyed  as  he  looked 
at  this  boy.  And  this  was  his  work.  There  is  an  inward 
satisfaction  in  it  that  no  language  can  depict.  Man  feels 
the  Spirit  of  God  warm  within  him.  In  those  moments  the 
gates  of  heaven  seem  ajar,  and  the  voice  of  God  speaks: 
'•Good  and  faithful  servant,  thou  hast  done  well.  Inasmuch 
a3  ye  did  it  unto  one  of  the  least  of  these,  my  brethren,  ye 
have  clone  it  unto  me/' 

"  What  is  your  name?"  asked  Joel. 

"  Speck/" 

"  Have  you  no  other  names?" 

"  No." 

'•  You  must  say,  '  No,  Sir/"  chimed  in  Carrie,  beginning 
her  reform. 

"  IIuvo  you  a  father  and  mother?" 

"  Nob  as  I  knows  on." 

"  Can  you  read?" 

"No." 

"  Sir,"  said  Carrie. 

"Noser." 

"Would  you  know  the  men  that  were  in  the  boat  with 
you?" 

"Yes." 

"  Sir,"  said  Carrie,  again. 

"Yesser." 

"  Yv'ell,  to-rnorrow  we  will  see  about  this.  You  must  not 
go  out  011  the  streets  to-day." 

Then  speaking  in  ,in  undertone  to  his  father,  Joel  said: 
"  It  will  bo  well  to  keep  an  eye  on  this  boy.  Have  one  of 
the  men  sleep  in  the  same  room  with  him  to-night.  It  will 
be  well  to  show  caution  in  this  matter." 


THE    FIRST   PLEASANT   LESSON.  499 

Carrie  arose  and  bade  the  boy  follow  her  into  the  garden. 
She  asked  him  if  he  liked  flowers,  and  plucked  him  u  few 
sweet-scented  violets,  which  he  held  in  his  fist  with  a  grip 
that  crushed  the  stems.  She  showed  him  the  birds,  and 
told  him  their  names;  showed  him  the  fish,  and  thus  gave 
him  the  first  pleasant  lesson  of  his  life.  This  was  Speck's 
debut  among  what  Joel  used  to  term  the  "  high-toners."  It 
was  like  a  pleasant  dream  to  him.  He  could  not  realize  that 
it  was  a  reality;  nor  had  he  ever  had  such  dreams.  He  had 
sometimes  dreamed  that  he  had  a  good  meal  of  victuals,  but 
fine  warm  clothing,  never;  for  one  is  not  likely  to  dream  of 
being  warm  when  he  is  actually  cold,  unless  it  be  in  that 
frozen  sleep  that  knows  no  waking. 


CHAPTEE    LYI. 

A  THROUGH  TICKET,  ABOUT  WHICH  NO  QUESTIONS 
WILL  BE  ASKED— A  LITTLE  DAUGHTER— WOMEN 
SHOULD  BE  HELPMEETS. 

SHE  that  was  Miss  Sally  Busy  is  comfortably  ensconced 
in  the  abode  of  our  puckered-up  plum,  and  rejoices 
in  the  title  of  Mrs.  D.  D.  Spludge,  and  it  is  a  title  not  to  be 
sneezed  at.  Very  much  to  the  regret  of  Madame  Junk,  the 
Spludges  have  no  children.  No  man  has  a  right  to  marry 
a  woman  who  has  been  a  spinster  and  a  preceptress  without 
giving  her  something  more  to  rule  than  one  poor  scrubby 
old  man,  whose  spirit  was  broken  before  he  gave  himself  to 
her.  It  is  an  outrage  to  womanhood.  "When  a  woman  has 
for  a  number  of  years  had  something  to  rule,  she  can  no 
more  happily  exist  without  this  diversion  than  a  man  can 
without  thinking  and  feeling  he  is  made  of  a  superior  class 
of  mud  than  what  was  used  in  making  woman.  Such  are 
the  inconsistencies  of  the  human  race. 

Mr.  Spludge 's  daughter  was  now  Mrs.  Albert  Mayo,  and 
she  had  been  kind  enough  to  make  her  father  grandfather 
to  a  fine  handsome  boy. 

Madame  Junk  had  received  a  murderous  shock  at  the 
time  the  Reformatory  Home  was  so  besieged,  from  which 
she  had  not  altogether  recovered.  Yet,  with  her  will,  she 
managed  to  keep  things  running.  Applicants  for  the  king 
dom  of  heaven  were  overhauled  with  more  vigilance,  and 
made  to  give  a  more  accurate  account  of  themselves — where 
they  had  lived  and  what  they  had  been  doing  for  a  living. 
Madame  Junk's  laborious  life  was  beginning  to  tell  on  her. 
(  500) 


SPECK    IS    TO   BE    EDUCATED.  501 

This  misfortune  was  the  last  straw  that  broke  the  camel's 
back — not  that  Madame  Junk's  back  was  broken,  or  that  we 
wish  to  have  it  so.  But,  figuratively  speaking1,  we  actually 
know  that  this  last  straw  was  necessary  to  bring-  this  insti 
tution  into  a  prosperous,  reasonable  Reforming  Home  for 
Depraved  Humanity.  Mrs.  Stanly  saw  this,  and  awaited 
the  result.  Not  that  Madame  Junk's  religious  ardor  had  in 
the  least  abated,  or  that  she  thought  that  the  least  of  God's 
children  were  to  be  considered  with  less  care  than  of  yore; 
but  the  question  arose  in  her  mind  whether  it  would  not  be 
better  to  protect  the  majority,  rather  than  make  them  sub 
servient  to  the  murderous,  incendiary  caprices  of  the  few. 
She  always  argued  with  a  true  sense  of  the  right — that  is, 
as  far  as  her  reason  led  her;  and  we  regret  that  heretofore 
it  has,  not  always  been  up  to  the  mark  for  a  woman  of  her 
calibre.  A  few  of  the  clergy  appreciated  her  efforts;  and, 
if  not  quite  so  loud  in  their  praise,  they  were  steady  in  their 
friendships.  Through  these  good  men,  most  of  the  new 
applications  were  made.  Hence,  the  later  applicants  who 
manifested  a  wish  to  be  born  again  had  passed  through  a 
mill;  and  if  not  ground  quite  fine,  had  at  least  some  of  the 
prominent  coarse  corners  ground  off,  and  were  handed  over 
to  Madame  Junk  to  be  ground  as  fine  as  such  a  mill  should 
grind. 

But  Madame  Junk  was  not  content  to  confine  her  reform 
atory  measures  to  men  and  women  alone.  Her  mind'  was 
in  constant  agitation  on  the  subject  of  doing  something  for 
our  boys.  Speck  is  destined  to  make  the  bottom  round  in 
the  ladder  toward  climbing  to  this  project;  for  at  that 
very  moment  the  Senator  was  thinking:  "  Yes,  yes;  if  this 
turns  out  as  the  little  fellow  says,  this  five  thousand  dollars 
shall  be  appropriated  toward  building  a  home  for  these  vag 
abonds.  Speck  shall  be  educated.  I  will  give  him  a  chance, 
and  if  he  has  brains  he  will  come  out  all  right.  If  there  is 
any  good  in  him  it  shall  be  brought  to  the  surface." 

Now,  Madame  Junk  had  prayed  for  assistance  to  erect  a 


5O2  MADAME   JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

Homo  for  vagrant  boys.  Speck  would  have  been  the  last 
object  she  would  have  thought  of  laying  do\vn  for  a  corner 
stone  of  such  an  edifice.  Yet  this  same  little  ragamuffin, 
this  white-haired  public  pig,  was  the  instrument  that  God 
had  chosen  to  work  out  the  problem.  Madame  Junk  prided 
herself  that  she  was  about  the  only  one  who  had  given  this 
theme  attention.  In  ibis  she  was  much  mistaken.  Joel 
Fletcher  bad  given  the  subject  consideration.  Thanks  be 
to  Madame  Junk  for  his  early  training.  Joel  was  not  like 
the  general  run  of  mankind,  who  think,  because  they  have 
prospered,  the  world  Las  no  right  to  expect  anything  of 
tbem.  To  kneel  in  church,  and  thank  God  by  word  of 
mouth  for  all  our  blessings,  is  scarcely  the  ticket  to  pass  to 
heaven  on;  but  to  thank  God  for  our  good  fortune  by  help 
ing  those  in  misfortune  is  a  through  ticket  about  which  no 
questions  will  be  asked. 

Mrs.  Catharine  Stanly  has  a  little  daughter.  Now  this 
world  is  a  new  world  to  her.  Her  heart  is  as  full  of  joy  as 
the  birds  that  sing  without  her  window  in  the  tall  elm  tree. 
This  child  born  so  late  in  life  was  an  especial  blessing. 
Mrs.  Stanly  almost  feared  God  had  forgotten  her;  but  for 
this  precious  boon  she  would  thank  Him  all  the  days  of  her 
life. 

Sternna  had  left  Scotland  for  Switzerland.  She  WTote 
and  received  letters  from  Mother  Junk  and  her  that  was 
Miss  Sally  Busy.  To  Carrie  and  Joel  the  letters  were  regu 
lar  and  frequent,  with  many  kind  remembrances  to  the 
Senator,  who  was  wont,  when  reading  them,  to  remove  his 
glasses  to  wipe  off  a  speck  which,  strange  to  say,  seemed 
to  always  light  there  when  he  read  those  letters.  As  often 
as  the  speck  came  on  his  eyeglasses  he  remarked:  "  The 
most  womanly  woman  I  ever  knewr."  This  remark  was 
made  without  fear  or  favor,  and  before  his  wife  and 
daughter.  Mrs.  Smith  looked  glum,  and  Carrie  answered, 
with  a  laugh : 

"Papa!  your  gallantry  should  permit  you  to  acknowledge 
the  present  company." 


HE    LIKED    INDIVIDUAL    WOMEN.  503 

"I  make  no  exceptions.  I  say  again,  she  is  the  most 
womanly  woman  I  ever  saw.  Not  a  bit  of  the  Amazon,  but 
just  enough  of  the  manly  clement  in  her  composition  to 
make  her  a  grand  woman." 

"  Then  you  like  masculine,  strong-minded  women?''  put 
in  Mrs.  Smith. 

' '  I  like  individual  women.  There  is  a  wide  difference 
between  women  and  dolls." 

"If  all  women  were  like  your  protegee,  there  would  bo 
no  wives,"  argued  Mrs.  Smith. 

"If  all  women  were  like  my  protegee,  men.  would  have 
helpmeets.  A  man  would  have  to  stir  himself  to  keep  pace 
with  such  a  woman,  and  the  consequence  would  be,  wo 
should  have  more  active  men." 

"  All  women  are  not  as  gifted  as  this  lady." 

"  Maybe  not  in  the  same  direction;  but  if  real  necessity 
forced  them  to  think  for  themselves,  their  special  gifts 
would  bo  brought  into  action.  Take  the  general  run  of 
women  and  ihey  have  no  less  gifts  than  men;  but  the  con 
ventional  rules  of  society  have  forced  them  to  bo  dolls. 
They  never  think  that  God  designed  them  to  do  work. 
Women  do  not  know  that  they  can  lead  men  up  to  the  very 
highest  pinnacle  of  human  perfection,  and  yet  they  idly 
fold  their  hands  and  allow  us  to  plod  along  like  a  set  of 
animals." 


CHAPTEE   LYII. 

THE  SAIL-SPECK,  THE  BRIGHT  PARTICULAR  STAR- 
TEE  RATS  IN  A  BOX:  THEY  ARE  CAUGHT— THE 
INFANT  NAMED  ROGER. 

"QJPECK!  Speck!  ho  there,  Speck;  wake  up!"  said  the 
^__)   servant,  accompanying  his  words  with  a  violent  shak 
ing  of  little  Speck. 

This  was  on  the  third  day  after  Speck's  arrival  in  the 
Senator's  family,  and  this  day  they  were  to  sail  in  search  of, 
not  Captain  Kid's  treasure,  but  Senator  A.  Goliah  Smith's, 
and  that  of  a  few  of  his  neighbors.  Speck  was  the  bright 
particular  star  of  the  occasion.  Speck  rubbed  his  eyes  with 
his  fists,  turned  over  in  his  comfortable  bed,  and  would  not 
have  been  in  haste  to  get  up,  but  the  thought  of  a  good 
breakfast  flashed  across  his  mind.  He  remembered  that  the 
last  words  the  Senator  said  to  him  before  retiring  were,  that 
to-morrow  they  would  set  out  to  find  the  place  he  had  de 
scribed. 

The  morning  was  cool  but  clear  as  the  little  sail-boat  put 
out  from  the  very  same  point  where  the  two  men  started. 
The  party  consisted  of  the  Senator,  Joel,  Speck,  and  two 
officers  of  the  law.  If  Speck  was  least  in  size,  he  was  not 
in  importance.  He  sat  in  the  centre  of  the  boat,  master  of 
circumstances.  No  one  would  have  recognized  the  boy  as 
the  one  who  fell  asleep  beside  the  ham-bone,  on  the  stairs 
of  the  sailors'  boarding-house.  His  hollow  cheeks  had 
grown  plump,  even  in  this  short  time.  He  was  combed, 
washed,  clothed  and  fed;  and  three  days  will  make  a  vast 
difference  with  a  boy  when  he  has  plenty  to  eat. 
(  504  ) 


THE    LITTLE    CAPTAIN.  505 

"  Here,  Mister/'  said  Speck,  standing  up  in  the  boat, 
and  flourishing  his  hand,  like  a  first-class  captain  to  his 
mate,  "  down  this  way,  and  round  that/'  pointing  to  an 
island.  "  Go  ahead  now/' 

All  were  silent,  and  watched  the  boy.  In  a  few  moments 
he  arose  again,  pointing  with  his  finger. 

"  Mister,  you  see  that  'ere  little  hill  out  in  the  water 
there?  That  'ere  is  the  place."  His  white  eyelashes  went 
up  and  down.  His  blue  eye  brightened,  his  nostrils  moved, 
and  he  opened  his  wide  mouth  as  if  he  would  swallow  the 
hill.  His  whole  face  became  animated.  Speck  did  not  sifc 
down  again.  Every  pulse  of  his  body  vibrated.  No  one 
spoke,  and  Speck  kept  his  eyes  and  mouth  fixed  upon  the 
hill  in  the  water,  »s  if  he  feared  it  might  bob  under,  and  he 
should  not  see  where  and  when  it  went  down.  "  Mister, 
this  is  the  place;"  and  the  boat  was  pulled  up  to  the  very 
stake  where  the  two  men  landed. 

One  by  one  the  men  jumped  on  shore.  As  the  officer 
lifted  little  Speck  over  the  side  of  the  boat,  and  sat  him 
down,  he  said, 

"  Now,  then,  my  little  man,  show  us  the  place." 

Speck  stood  just  one  moment.  He  looked  up  and  down 
the  hillsides.  There  was  not  the  least  visible  sign  of  any 
excavation  thereabouts;  but  he  walked  directly  up  to  the 
spot  where  he  had  seen  the  two  men  enter  the  hill.  Speck 
was  quickly  down  on  his  hands  and  knees,  cutting  the  sod 
with  the  same  knife  he  had  cut  the  ham  with.  He  had  re 
moved  but  two  or  three  pieces  not  larger  than  a  man's  hand 
when  his  knife  came  in  contact  with  the  edge  of  a  board. 
The  boy  jumped  and  stamped. 

"  Here  it  is!  here  it  is,  Mister  Perleece.  Here,  Mister, 
take  that  long  iron,  and  make  a  hole  here,  and  you'll  see." 

The  long  iron  was  driven  in  with  force.  One  pry,  and  the 
door  upon  which  the  green  grass  was  planted  flew  open, 
and  the  first  sound  that  greeted  their  ears  was  a  prolonged 
blasphemous  curse,  that  seemed  to  ascend  from  the  confines 


506  MADAME   JANE   JUNK   AND   JOE. 

of  hell.  The  officer  ordered  each  man  to  take  a  given  place, 
and  in  a  loud  voice  cried, 

"  "Whoever  is  in  this  cavity  come  forth  1" 

The  answer  was  a  decided  declination  to  do  so,  accom 
panied  by  a  statement  that  they  would  see  him  in  a  very 
warm  place  first. 

"  But,  my  friends,  we  shall  find  means  to  make  you  do 
so." 

The  answer  came  up, 

"  Fire  away,  old  covey!" 

"  Not  I,"  returned  the  officer.  tc  I  have  a  better  way  of 
ousting  you," 

"  Give  us  the  patent,"  was  the  saucy  reply. 

"  Yes;  here  it  is;"  and  he  held  a  powder-flask  over  the 
door.  "See  here!  Can  you  see  ?" 

A  muttered  curse  was  the  only  answer. 

"I  will  give  you  just  two  minutes  to  lay  down  your  arms, 
and  make  your  appearance  among  us." 

All  this  time  Speck  stood  behind  the  Senator,  pulling  his 
coat-skirts,  and  saying,  "Don't  let  them  kill  me!"  The  boy 
seemed  to  have  forgotten  that  they  did  not  know  that  he  had 
informed  on  them.  He  almost  wished  he  had  not  done  it. 

A  minute  and  a  half  had  passed  by  the  officer's  watch. 
Just  then  the  head  of  a  man  came  up.  He  threw  a  hasty 
glance  around  the  cavity.  When  he  saw  how  well  guarded 
it  was,  he  held  out  his  hands  submissively  for  the  shackles. 
The  officer  recognized  an  old  friend,  one  who  had  worked 
for  the  State  in  times  gone  by.  When  the  shackles  were 
securely  adjusted,  he  allowed  him  to  step  out. 

"  How  many  more  are  in  there?"  said  Ihe  officer. 

"  Five  hundred,"  replied  the  prisoner,  with  a  leer. 

"  You  can  reserve  your  jokes  until  you  get  to  work  at 
your  trade." 

The  words  had  not  more  than  passed  his  lips  before 
another  head  came  up.  This  man  was  secured  in  the  same 
way. 


THE    ROBBERS     HOME.  507 

"Are  there  more  there?"  asked  the  officer  of  this  man. 

"  No." 

It  was  not  until  their  feet  were  as  secure  as  their  hands 
that  Speck  felt  any  degree  of  comfort.  When  they  were 
thus  secured,  and  a  man  detached  to  stand  as  guard,  the 
Senator,  Joel,  and  one  officer  and  Speck,  entered  the  mine. 
First  there  were  three  steps,  about  a  foot  in  depth,  then  a 
narrow  passage  three  feet  long,  and  just  wide  enough  for  a 
man's  body  to  pass.  This  led  into  another  cavity,  which  was 
about  eight  feet  square  and,  five  feet  in  height.  This  was 
boarded  around  the  sides,  and  in  two  or  three  places  propped 
up  by  timbers.  There  were  six  or  eight  holes,  two  inches  in 
width,  through  which  you  could  see  the  blue  sky.  These 
holes  looked  like  so  many  stars;  they  had  been  drilled  from 
the  outside,  and  it  was  at  least  eight  feet  from  the  surface 
to  the  top  of  this  cavity.  When  w^e  calculate  the  time  and 
labor  expended  on  this  mine,  we  shall  see  that  men  could 
scarce  afford  so  much  without  being  well  paid  for  it.  Sticks 
were  driven  into  the  earth  and  two  boards  placed  thereon; 
this  seemed  to  be  the  table.  On  this  stood  two  lighted  can 
dles.  Silence  reigned  for  some  time. 

"Well,"  said  the  officer,  "I  have  been  in  this  business 
for  many  a  year,  and  this  beats  all  my  first  Avife's  relations. 
This  is  what  I  call  fixy.  Let  us  see  what  these  gentlemen 
have  in  their  keeping." 

And  he  proceeded  to  empty  the  several  canvas  bags  and 
wooden  boxes.  The  latter  contained  gold  and  silver  coin  to 
the  amount  of  several  thousand  dollars;  the  bags  were  filled 
with  silver-plate  in  great  quantities.  All  the  things  were 
secured,  and  the  party  began  to  make  their  way  out  of  the 
mine.  If  the  Senator  pressed  Speck's  hand  with  a  fervent 
grip  in  leaving  this  place,  it  is  not  to  be  wondered  at. 

"  Keep  still,  my  little  man;  don't  let  them  know  that  you 
did  this." 

The  two  men  were  placed  in  the  boat,  side  by  side;  the 
bags  and  boxes  were  placed  on  board,  and  Speck  sat  be 
tween  Joel  and  the  Senator.  There  were  but  few  words  ex- 


508  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

changed.  The  wind  was  fair,  the  sails  were  hoisted,  and 
the  thirty  miles  were  made  in  quick  time.  The  interval  that 
passed  in  returning  to  the  city  the  prisoners  gave  to  looking 
over  the  party  that  had  brought  them  to  justice.  One  of 
the  prisoners  fixed  his  eyes  on  Speck  with  such  a  hateful 
glare,  that  Speck  dropped  his  white  eyelashes.  The  prisoner 
thought  that  this  was  a  strange  expedition  for  a  boy.  He 
looked  at  Speck's  clothing.  "Yes,  yes;  it  cannot  be  a  son. 
Where  have  I  seen  this  little  devil?"  He  nudged  his  com 
rade  with  his  elbow. 

"  Look  at  the  boy.     Have  you  ever  seen  him  before?" 
"  No.    Yes;  it  seems  to  me  I  Lave,  but  I  can't  tell  where." 
1 '  What  do  you  think  he  came  with  these  chaps  for?  Who 
ever  heard  of  taking  a  small  boy  after  the  like  of  us?" 

Somehow,  Speck  had  lost  all  desire  to  poke  rats  in  a  box 
with  a  stick.  He  should  want  a  might}7"  long  stick — a  mile 
long  at  least — so  they  could  not  see  who  stood  at  the  end 
of  it. 

On  arriving  in  the  city  the  prisoners  were  remanded  to 
prison,  and  assigned  cells  on  either  side  of  Tom  Splinter, 
while  the  Senator,  Joel  and  Speck  were  whirled  home  in  a 
carriage.  Speck  was  the  hero  of  the  clay.  If  he  had  been 
treated  with  consideration  before,  he  ^Yas  treated  with 
marked  deference  now.  The  Senator  felt  under  personal 
obligations  to  him,  and  that  the  community  was  also  in 
debted  to  him. 

What  a  choice  titbit  this  would  be  to  Madame  Junk! 
Wouldn't  she  make  capital  of  it!  She  would  say,  "Behold! 
here  is  one  of  our  vagrants  that  has  been  a  godsend  to  com 
munity.  Now,  come  forward  all  you  who  are  charitably  in 
clined,  and  pool  in,  and  let's  have  a  home  for  such  as  these." 
Notwithstanding  the  admonition  to  keep  quiet,  it  leaked  out, 
and  Speck  was  interviewed  by  several  newspaper  reporters, 
and  not  a  few  of  them  considered  that  they  had  lassooed  a 
hero.  They  wrote  him  up  (to  use  their  own  words)  as  a  boy 
with  the  eye  of  an  eagle,  and  a  tongue  as  sharp  as  a  two- 
edged  sword.  Old  women  read,  and  wondered;  young 


NOT  A  SPECK  ABOVE  SPECK.         509 

belles  read,  and  sighed.  Speck's  fame  was  growing  so 
great  that,  had  he  been  old  enough  to  many,  he  could  have 
led  to  the  altar  the  richest  girl  in  the  country.  In  short,  if 
the  Senator  had  caught  and  caged  a  wild  ourang-outang,  and 
was  making  a  free  exhibition  of  it,  he  would  not  have  been 
more  besieged.  From  a  poor  little  rat,  that  picked  up  the 
crumbs  that  had  fallen  in  byplaces,  Speck  found  himself 
the  inmate  of  a  millionaire's  house. 

All  this  was  not  quite  pleasing  to  Mrs.  Smith.  She  had 
no  proof  that  Speck's  blood  was  good.  The  Senator  affirmed 
that,  as  a  boy,  Joel  was  not  a  speck  above  Speck. 

"  But,"  said  the  wrife,  "  do  you  think  Joel  would  be  what 
he  is  to-day  if  blue  blood  did  not  flow  in  his  veins  ?" 

The  Senator  replied  that  he  did  not  care  if  his  blood  was 
blue  or  green,  he  should  not  go  about  bleeding  boys  to  see 
what  color  their  blood  was  before  he  gave  them  a  bite  to 
eat.  Here  was  a  clincher,  and  there  was  not  the  least  use 
in  trying  to  get  over  it.  When  the  Senator  came  to  discuss 
the  matter  with  his  daughter,  which  he  did  very  soon  after 
wards,  he  found  her  not  only  willing,  but  delighted  to  join 
with  him  in  all  his  plans.  Carrie  said, 

"  Poor  boy!  he  does  not  seem  to  have  any  name.  Why 
not  give  him  ours  ?" 

"  As  for  the  Smiths,"  said  the  Senator,  "  I  presume 
there  are  a  number  of  Smiths  in  the  world  that  are  not 
more  worthy  of  the  name  than  Speck  is.  We  must  give 
him  a  first  name;  for  if  he  continues  to  grow  as  fast  as  he 
has  done  since  he  has  been  with  us,  he  will  cease  to  be  a 
Speck.  What  do  you  think  of  Spectator  Smith  ?"  said  the 
Senator,  writh  a  dry  laugh. 

11  Well,  that  is  very  good;  but  he  would  always  be  Speck 
for  short,  so  that  would  not  mend  the  matter." 

"  Well,  I  will  leave  the  naming  of  the  infant  to  you;  and, 
if  you  are  pleased,  I  shall  be." 

"Father,  if  that  be  so,  I  shall  call  him  Roger." 

"  Capital!  Roger  Smith  is  not  bad  to  take  by  way  of  a 
name." 


CHAPTER    LYIII. 

THE  F.  F.  r:s  AT  HOME—  THE  EFFECT  OF  WASHINGTON 
SOCIETY-MORE  REFORM— THE  WEDDING  OF  LARRY 
0' DOODLE— MOTH  EXTERMINA  TOR. 

WASHINGTON  society  was  on  the  qni  vive  over 
the  announcement  that  Joel  Fletcher  and  his  fair 
California  bride  would  spend  the  winter  amid  their  festive 
scenes.  As  for  Mr.  Fletcher,  senior,  he  was  the  most  de 
lighted  antiquated  piece  of  aristocracy  extant.  Indeed,  so 
anxious  was  he  to  appear  to  advantage  that  he  was  actually 
discussing  the  question  whether  or  not  he  should  dress  in 
his  continental  clothing,  with  a  coat  whose  skirts  were  lined 
with  white  satin,  and  trimmed  with  gold  lace.  At  all  events, 
if  he  did  not  appear  in  society  in  this  suit,  he  resolved  to  air 
it  at  home.  He  would  like  to  show  Mrs.  Joseph  Fletcher 
something  of  the  F.  F.  V.'s.  To  be  known,  the  F.  F.  V.'s 
must  be  seen  in  their  native  element.  Nothing  of  the  latter- 
day  plebeians  in  them.  Ah  no!  plebeians  were  as  far  from 
the  Fletchers  as  Saints  are  from  the  Latter-Day  Saints. 

The  effect  of  Washington  society  upon  Joel  was  not  cal 
culated  to  strengthen  his  confidence  in  mankind.  He  gave 
all  his  leisure  to  watching  the  modus  operandi  of  political 
rings.  He  dove  deep  into  the  cesspool  of  corruption.  What 
astonished  him  most  of  all  was,  to  find  Congress  filled 
with  men  who  had  neither  education  nor  ability.  Joel  had 
supposed  the  high  dignitaries  were  men  who,  if  they  had 
not  received  a  theoretical  education,  had  afc  least  delved  for 
knowledge  for  themselves,  and  devoted  long  years  to  active 
research.  He  had  more  than  once  asked  himself  how  Father 


AN    EPITAPH    MAY    BE    REQUIRED.  5  I  1 

Smith  had  ever  been  able  to  pass  muster;  but  now  that  ho 
was  sitting  among  them  and  listening-  to  their  words,  he 
looked  back  upon  Father  Smith  as  a  modern  Solomon.  So 
it  is:  Uie  nearer  we  approach  great  lights,  the  less  brightly 
they  shine.  If  Joel  was  disappointed,  his  wife  was  not  less 
so.  When  she  looked  about  upon  this  vast  array  of  fashion, 
and  saw  how  untiringly  they  labored  to  fill  their  places  in 
society,  she  asked  herself  if  this  was  a  full  life.  "Yes,"  she 
thought,  "it  is  full  enough;  but  of  what?"  Not  of  reform; 
not  of  anything  that  will  benefit  future  ages.  Cultivated 
women  there  are  among  these  butterflies,  obeying  reluct 
antly  all  their  own  arbitrary  rules,  but  never  assisting  their 
husbands  and  fathers  (and  heaven  knew  they  needed  assist 
ance).  To  be  considered  a  beautiful  woman — and  the  ap 
pointments  of  the  residence  of  a  political  leader  could  only 
be  arranged  by  a  woman  of  taste  and  culture — to  be  called 
an  ornament  of  society,  was  their  highest  ambition.  How 
hollow!  how  unsatisfying  to  a  mind  like  hers! 

Mrs.  Joel  Fletcher  attended  the  receptions  with  Father 
Fletcher,  who  was  never  so  happy  as  when  he  was  present 
ing  her  to  some  old-time  friends,  in  his  old-time  ceremoni 
ous  way. 

It  has  been  some  time  since  Madame  Junk  has  written  an 
epitaph.  Indeed,  we  fear  she  will  get  out  of  practice,  un 
less  some  of  the  inmates  of  the  Reformatory  Home  shuffle 
off  their  mortal  coil.  As  far  as  wo  go,  there  are  none  we 
want  to  part  with.  But  the  ways  of  Providence  are  not  our 
wa}Ts;  and  if  an  epitaph  should  be  wanted  on  the  shortest 
possible  notice,  we  do  not  wish  to  be  held  responsible. 
There  is  a  great  commotion  in  the  Reformatory  Home  this 
day  and  year  of  our  Lord  187G.  Now,  reader,  you  need 
not  try  to  guess,  for  you  would  quite  exhaust  yourself,  and 
all  to  no  purpose.  Wo  will  not  harrow  up  your  feelings 
with  suspense,  but  will  proceed  to  relate  that  Larry  O'Doodle 
is  to  bo  married.  "Married!"  you  say;  "to  whom?  Not 
Madame  Junk,  surely!"  Ah  no!  a  younger  and  much  bet- 


512  MADAME    JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

ter-looldng  lady.  ' '  When  and  where  has  he  done  his 
courting?"  He  never  went  outside  the  great  gate  at  the 
Reformatory  Home.  Do  you  suppose  we  would  be  so  mean 
as  to  have  a  man  who  had  learned  to  read  and  write  and 
cast  up  accounts,  remain  single  all  his  days  ?  Besides  all 
that,  he  is  industrious,  ambitious,  and  he  has  tried  on  his 
wedding-suit  to  see  how  he  looks.  To  tell  you  the  truth,  he 
is  a  good-looking  man. 

Madame  Junk  is  bustling  about  over  various  large  cakes 
that  are  in  process  of  completion,  and  upon  one  of  them 
stands  a  sugar  bride  who  is  about  to  be  united  in  the  holy 
bonds  of  matrimony  to  a  sugar  lord.  No  sweeter  couple 
ever  stood  upon  a  sugar  platform.  Madame  Junk  is  de 
termined  that  this  cake  shall  be  decorated  to  her  liking.  In 
accordance  with  this,  and  just  at  the  feet  of  this  sweet 
couple,  is  written  in  large  raised  letters,  "Whom  God  hath 
joined  together  let  no  man  put  asunder."  "  How  impressive !" 
said  Madame  Junk  to  herself,  as  she  viewed  this  cake  with 
a  complacent  look.  She  regretted  that  the  cake  was  not 
much  larger,  so  that  she  could  have  the  entire  marriage 
ceremony  written  thereon.  She  would  have  copied  it  ver 
batim  if  there  had  been  room.  Madame  Junk  had  written 
at  least  half-a-dozen  marriage  notices  to  be  inserted  in  the 
leading  journals  the  day  after  the  wedding;  but  somehow 
she  could  not  strike  just  the  right  thing.  Whether  she 
lacked  the  language  or  the  power  to  arrange  her  high 
thoughts  in  a  neat  little  pen-sketch  is  not  known.  If  it  had 
only  been  an  epitaph,  she  would  have  found  no  difficulty 
whatever  in  making  it  come  to  time.  "Yes,"  she  thought  to 
herself,  "the  head  editor,  or  the  editor  with  the  biggest  head, 
should  write  Larry  O'Doodle's  marriage  notice."-  Madame 
Junk  would  interview  the  knight  of  the  quill,  and  if  there 
was  anything  elaborate  in  his  brain  she  would  have  him 
spread  it  out  in  that  marriage  notice.  She  would  have  in 
serted,  "  Eastern  papers  please  copy." 

The  American  Girl  was  kept  busy  these  days  carting  good 


FIXING    FOR   THE    WEDDING.  513 

things  from  the  city  for  the  wedding.  It  is  hoped  that  she 
will  get  a  large  slice  of  the  cake,  for  she  has  done  as  much 
toward  making  it  as  any  of  them.  Moreover,  she  has 
drawn  all  the  messages  to  the  city  that  have  been  sent.  The 
Spludges  have  been  invited,  the  Stanlys,  Smiths  and  Mayos, 
and  all  the  officers  of  the  different  charitable  institutions  in 
the  city.  Good  Dr.  S will  perform  the  marriage  cere 
mony,  and  it  will  be  such  a  time  as  never  was.  Madame 
Junk  will  come  in  leaning  on  Larry  O'Doodle's  arm,  and 
the  Senator  will  give  the  bride  away;  and  she  will  look  so 
lovely  that  he  will  almost  wish  he  was  Larry  O'Doodle. 
Who  is  the  bride,  did  you  say?  Miss  Josephine  Blessing. 
Larry  had  been  her  pupil  for  a  long  time,  and  she  will  keep 
him  in  a  school  the  rest  of  his  natural  lifetime — a  school 
for  Benedicts,  and  some  lunatics. 

Now,  reader,  don't  blame  Miss  Blessing,  and  say  you 
cannot  for  the  life  of  you  see  how  an  educated  young  lady 
could  marry  an  Irishman.  You  would  have  done  the  same 
in  her  place.  Besides,  I  tell  you  Larry  is  good  enough  for 
her.  "When  a  wToman  can  never  be  thirty  years  old  again, 
and  has  spent  the  last  ten  years  waiting  for  a  knight  to  put 
in  an  appearance,  and  he  has  failed  to  come,  it  is  natural 
that  she  should  take  the  one  nearest  at  hand,  provided  he 
is  within  the  bounds  of  reason.  The  Reformatory  Home 
must  be  kept  running,  and  who  so  competent  as  Mr.  and 
Mrs.  O'Doodle?  Madame  Junk  will  become  Matron  in  the 
Home  for  Vagrant  Boys.  All  her  thoughts  have  turned  that 
way.  It  will  be  a  comfort  to  leave  the  Reformatory  Home 
in  such  hands. 

If  Larry  O'Doodle  was  not  Miss  Blessing's  highest  ideal 
of  a  man,  Miss  Blessing  was  not  Larry  O'Doodle's  highest 
ideal  of  a  woman;  nor  was  she  his  first  love.  If  we  measure 
men's  intellects  by  their  powers  of  appreciation,  we  shall 
call  Larry  O'Doodle  a  man  of  intellect.  He  who  can  com 
prehend  great  and  noble  works  must  needs  have  something 
of  nobility  within  himself.  We  have  no  wish  to  disturb  the 
3: 


514  MADAME   JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

feelings  of  Mr.  Stanly,  but  Larry  O'Doodle  had  compre 
hended,  a  noblo  woman. 

While  Larry  O'Doodle  was  trying  on  his  wedding-suit, 
the  day  before  the  wedding,  Madame  Junk  was  dressing 
Miss  Josephine  Blessing  in  the  bride's  costume. 

"  There,  dear,  walk  off  there  now.  Stand  there.  Cast 
your  eyes  down.  Complete!  complete!"  muttered  Madame 
Junk  to  herself,  at  the  same  time  stepping  forward  to  twist 
an  orange  bud  a  little  more  to  the  front.  She  thought  to 
herself  it  would  be  in  bad  taste  for  one  of  the  descendants 
of  Oliver  Cromwell  to  be  caught  conducting  a  wedding 
improperly. 

Miss  Blessing's  wedding  outfit  had  been  made  under  the 
supervision  of  Madame  Junk.  All  the  stitches  were  laid  as 
close  together  as  possible;  in  short,  they  could  not  have 
been  shorter.  At  last  the  happy  day  arrived.  Larry  had 
one  wish,  and  that  was  that  the  Stanlys  would  not  come; 
but  they  did,  though,  and  that,  too,  full  of  happy  congrat 
ulations,  and  a  beautiful  set  of  china  for  the  bride. 

"By  Jove!"  said  Senator  Smith  to  Mr.  Stanly,  "  it  is  a 
marvel  to  think  that  this  man  came  here  a  few  years  ago  a 
wandering  tramp,  and  to  think  he  has  become  a  common- 
sense,  good-looking  fellow.  He  has  an  elegant  figure.  It 
is  worth  all  Madame  Junk's  efforts  to  have  redeemed  this 
man  if  she  had  done  nothing  more." 

"  Madame  Junk  has  another  reform  question  on  the  tapis, 
I  believe,"  said  Mr.  Stanly. 

"  Y-e-s,"  drawled  the  Senator,  as  if  he  would  have  in 
serted  two  or  three  words  between  the  yes.  "  What  do  you 
think  of  it  ?" 

"It  is  a  question  that  should  have  been  agitated  long 
ago,"  replied  Mr.  Stanly. 

"  Ah!"  said  the  Senator,  brightening  up;  "  I  am  glad  you 
think  it  worthy  of  consideration.  I  have  a  crotchet  in  my 
head." 

"  Do  you  intend  to  give  the  world  the  benefit  of  it?" 


SHE  FELT  VERY  STATELY.          515 

"  I  shall  make  a  great  effort  to  have  a  "bill  passed  allowing 
an  appropriation  for  the  building  of  a  hoine  for  vagrant 
boys.  I  can  get  the  bill  introduced;  but — the  devil! — I  fear 
it  will  never  pass.  What  does  Congress  care  about  our 
boys?" 

"  I  don't  know  about  that.  There  are  some  men  in  Con 
gress  who  have  not  forgotten  their  own  early  struggles  for 
education.  They  will  remember  that  a  little  assistance 
would  have  helped  them  over  many  a  thorny  path,  and  made 
them  useful  men  much  earlier  in  life." 

"Great  God!"  said  the  Senator.  "We,  as  a  nation, 
should  cultivate  ourselves.  The  age  and  the  field  demand 
more  men  of  knowledge  than  we  can  supply.  None  of  our 
brightest  minds  are  found  in  the  higher  walks  of  life.  They 
come  up,  it  is  true;  but  the  strength  that  is  consumed  by 
the  struggle  to  get  up  might  be  used  for  better  purposes. 
As  carefully  as  we  study  the  economy  of  other  things,  we 
should  study  the  econom}r  of  time  and  of  the  strength  of  our 
people.  Look  at  Vice-President  Wilson.  If  we  were,  as  a 
nation,  kind  to  our  own,  he  would  have  been  in  the  field  an 
active  worker  long  before  he  was.  Are  brains  at  such  a  dis 
count  that  an  ambitious  young  man  should  dig  and  delve 
the  vigor  of  his  youth  out  for  a  poor  subsistence  ?  Half  the 
fire  within  him  is  burnt  out  before  he  gets  where  he  can  do 
anything." 

The  conversation  was  here  interrupted  by  Madame  Junk, 
who  announced  that  the  ceremony  was  about  to  take  place. 
The  Senator  arose,  laid  the  palms  of  his  hands  together, 
and  pulled  each  end  of  his  necktie,  by  way  of  preparation; 
for  the  next  thing  to  getting  married  oneself,  is  in  giving 
the  bride  away.  The  wedding  guests  hugged  the  walls  of 
the  parlor  to  make  way  for  the  bridegroom  and  Madame 
Junk,  the  bride  and  Senator  Smith.  Of  course,  this  was  a 
quiet  wedding;  but  Madame  Junk  felt  sufficiently  stately 
for  a  much  larger  gathering.  She  felt  the  blood  of  Oliver 
Cromwell  warm  within  her.  She  felt  that,  notwithstand- 


516  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

ing  the  bride  was  lovely,  she  was  the  central  figure,  and  so 
she  should  be.  Was  she  not  the  instrument  through  which 
this  result  had  been  brought  about  ? 

The  good  Dr.  S had  said,  "I  pronounce  }TOU  man 

and  wife/'  when  Madame  Junk  stepped  forth,  and  not  only 
kissed  the  bride,  but  the  groom.  Then  there  was  a  general 
kissing  all  around,  and  handing- in  of  congratulations.  Then 
there  was  dinner,  without  wine,  over  which  the  good  Dr. 

S asked  an  especial  blessing  for  the  bride,  who  had  just 

lost  her  name  of  Blessing.  So  this  most  charitable  wedding 
in  this  most  charitable  institution  ended.  The  wedding  trip 
would  not  extend  beyond  the  five  acres,  and  the  honeymoon 
would  be  spent  beneath  the  shady  trees  that  Mrs.  Catharine 
Stanly  had  helped  to  plant,  and  where,  I  doubt  not,  Larry 
will  take  his  way  between  the  rows  of  beautiful  beans  which 
a  beautiful  woman  had  taught  him  to  grow,  while  she  that 
was  Josephine  Blessing  will  bring  up  the  rear.  Let  us 
hope  that  the  file  that  walks  between  the  rows  of  beans  to  a 
shady  seat  beneath  the  trees  may  leogthen. 

Madame  Junk  no  sooner  releases  herself  of  one  load  than 
she  buckles  on  another.  There  is  one  happy  thought  attend 
ing  this:  if  the  load  is  too  heavy,  she  will  always  find  easy 
subjects  to  harness  up  to  do  the  pulling.  Now  she  could 
rest  safe.  The  Reformatory  Home  would  be  conducted  by 
competent  people.  One  of  them  had  gone  through  the 
mill  and  been  ground  sufficiently  fine  to  insure  his  placing 
new  subjects  in  the  hopper.  It  may  not  always  be  done 
with  the  same  tenderness  that  Madame  Junk  evinced  in 
times  gone  by,  but  it  will  be  done  as  thoroughly,  there  is 
no  doubt.  Nominally,  Larry  O 'Doodle  will  be  at  the  head 
of  the  heap.  Madame  Junk  had  her  own  ideas  in  regard  to 
the  new  Home  for  Vagrant  Boys.  These  views  had  not  been 

disclosed  to  any  one,  not  even  to  good  Dr.  S ,  who  was 

her  confidential  adviser  in  all  matters  of  a  charitable  nature. 
"When  a  gentle  nudge  was  required  to  poke  the  congrega 
tion  up  to  acts  of  benevolence,  he  was  not  slow  to  give  it, 


MOTH    EXTERMINATOR.  517 

provided  the  demands  were  not  exorbitant  and  did  not  come 
too  frequently.  Hence  Madame  Junk's  silence.  She  in 
tended  to  do  some  laborious  canvassing  to  raise  the  neces 
sary  funds  to  carry  out  her  great  work.  She  would  begin 
after  the  American  Girl  had  finished  her  summer  work.  The 
American  Girl  was  so  gentle  that  there  would  be  no  danger 
in  a  gentle  woman  driving  this  gentle  horse  about  on  a 
gentle  act  of  mercy. 

If  Madame  Junk  had  had  the  least  inkling  that  Senator 
A.  Goliah  Smith  intended  introducing  a  bill,  asking  that 
Congress  make  an  appropriation  for  this  charitable  enter 
prise,  it  would  have  saved  the  American  Girl  many  steps, 
and  Madame  Junk  much  disquiet.  But  the  Senator  had  a 
love  of  doing  sly  soft  things  in  a  charitable  way,  as  well  as 
Madame  Junk,  so  they  both  went  to  work  in  their  separate 
ways.  Madame  Junk  vowed  and  declared  that  she  would 
never  ask  the  Government  for  another  thing,  since  President 
U.  S.  Grant  did  not  reply  to  her  letter.  She  said  she  knew 
he  could  have  contributed  five  dollars  without  endangering 
his  finances.  She  said  if  our  Government  could  pay  forty 
thousand  dollars  for  Moth  Exterminator,  they  could  do  a 
little  something  for  our  boys. 


CHAPTEE    LIX. 

A  NATION  OF  POLITICAL  SHARPERS  —  HE  WOULD 
KNOCK  A  MAN  DOWN  WHO  SAID  FAIL— TONING 
SPECK  UP— A  DEATH— THE  TRIAL— THE  AMERICAN 
GIRL  TO  BE  TURNED  OUT  TO  GRASS. 

r  I  ^HE  winter  was  nearly  gone,  and  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Fletcher 
JL  would  return  to  California  soon.  Joel,  by  the  earnest 
solicitation  of  many  friends,  Lad  allowed  himself  to  be  put 
up  as  a  candidate  for  Congress.  Mr.  Roen  Fletcher  had 
many  misgivings  about  his  son  in  that  capacity.  True,  his 
study  of  law  and  his  research  after  knowledge  would  enable 
him  to  fill  the  bill;  at  least,  be  would  overtop  many  who 
now  stood  in  the  congressional  halls.  It  was  the  taking 
of  the  unpopular  side  of  almost  every  question  that  would 
play  the  mischief  with  him.  The  old  gentleman  was  a  firm 
believer  in  classes,  and  he  would  like  that  his  son  should 
follow  in  the  footsteps  of  the  illustrious  F.  F.  V.'s;  but  if 
the  son  regards  the  father  as  slightly  old  fogyish,  and  will 
do  what  he  considers  right,  irrespective  of  Virginia,  what 
is  the  father  going  to  do  about  it?  If  he  has  common 
sense  he  will  sit  back  and  say:  "  Ah  well!  times  are  not  as 
they  used  to  be  when  I  was  a  young  man." 

Was  there  ever  a  man  nominated  for  office  who  had  not  a 
competitor?  If  both  men  have  too  much  dignity  to  indulge 
in  petty  bickerings,  the  party  which  they  represent  has 
not.  Every  party  is  largely  made  up  of  men  who  do  not 
know  any  better  than  to  call  an  opponent  opprobrious 
names,  and  for  no  other  reason  than  ho  does  not  belong  to 
their  political  side.  Men  who  enact  laws  should  be  the 


A    NATION    OF    POLITICAL    SHARPERS.  519 

first  to  obey  them.  Wo  do  not  want  men  who  punish 
others  for  a  small  grab,  while  they  hold  the  strings  of  the 
grab-bag  themselves,  and  shout  to  the  crowd:  "  Stand 
back!  you  shan't  have  anything  out  of  Uncle  Sam's  pocket. 
Are  wo  not  the  choice  of  the  people?  If  you  did  not  want 
us,  \vhy  did  you  elect  us?" 

Now,  our  hero  saw  all  this.  It  was  a  mighty  problem 
that  the  people  should  themselves  solve,  and  the  only 
remedy  that  Joel  saw  wras  to  educate  the  ignorant  mass  in 
the  science  of  government;  to  bring  them  up  to  a  compre 
hension  of  what  should  constitute  a  free  Republican  Govern 
ment;  to  show  them  they  should  receive  something  more 
than  a  drink  of  the  "  O-be-joyful"  for  a  vote;  to  teach  them 
the  dignity  of  supporting  a  government;  to  show  them  how 
they  ignorantly  rob  themselves,  and  that  the  free  untram- 
rneled  license  of  our  land  of  liberty  may  become  the  worst 
form  of  monarchy.  In  Joel's  mind  this  question  had  not 
sprung  up  like  a  mushroom  over  night;  but  he  had  reached 
his  conclusions  by  careful  observation.  Senator  Smith  and 
Joel  held  lengthy  discussions  on  this  subject,  not  always 
agreeing,  however;  for  the  Senator  was  wont  to  say:  "Yes, 
yes;  if  we  could  find  men  with  the  integrity  which  you  claim 
to  be  essential,  combined  with  brains,  it  would  all  be  very 
well. 

"  To  bo  a  man  of  principle  has  fallen  into  disfavor.  We 
have  justly  earned  the  name  of  being  a  nation  of  knaves." 

"  But  sharp  ones,"  said  the  Senator,  with  a  laugh. 

"'Yes,  a  nation  of  political  sharpers;  and  that  is  flung 
into  our  teeth  by  the  foreign  world.  It  is  a  cud  wo  must 
chew  until  we  ha\e  learned  to  relish  a  more  palatable 
morsel." 

' '  Halloo !  what  is  the  matter  ?  Are  you  practicing  a  little 
oratory  ?"  said  Albert  Mayo,  who  came  in  unannounced. 

''  How  do  you  do?"  said  Joel,  shaking  the  gentleman  cor 
dially  by  the  hand.  ' '  It  seems  to  nie  a  hundred  years  since 
we  met." 


52O        MADAME  JANE  JUNK  AND  JOE. 

"  "Well,  it  is  a  hundred  days,  and  plenty  long1  enough  to 
suit  me.  "What  is  the  neatest  and  most  appropriate  thing 
to  say  to,a  man  in  your  boots?  You  know,  Joe,  I  was  al 
ways  a  downright  failure  in  impromptu  speech-making. 
The  fact  is,  I  would  like  to  get  off  something  kind  of  hand 
some  on  this  occasion.  Give  us  your  hand,  old  boy.  I  am 
going  my  whole  length  on  you  ?" 

"  That  is  hearty  and  friend-like.  It  is  worth  half  a  dozen 
lukewarm  friends." 

Senator  Smith  arose,  shook  hands  with  Albert,  and  said 
he  had  a  little  business  down  town  which  claimed  his 
attention. 

"Well,  how  did  you  find  the  old  Virginia  coon?  Talk 
ing  up  your  ancestors,  eh  ?" 

"  Much  the  same  as  usual;  but  with  his  increase  of  years, 
I  think  his  hobby-horse  has  grown  larger.  Still  he  strides 
it  gracefully." 

"  Was  your  debut  at  Washington  heralded  in  with  suffi 
cient  pomp  to  suit  old  Virginia  ?" 

"  Well,  I  don't  know.  At  all  events  I  heard  no  com 
plaints.  It  was  amusing  to  see  the  pride  father  took  in  my 
wife.  He  escorted  her  to  all  the  receptions  with  a  gallantry 
that  would  have  suited  a  man  of  twenty-five." 

"How's  the  artist?" 

"She  was  in  Switzerland  the  last  we  heard  from  her. 
She  was  in  good  health  and  spirits." 

"  Glad  to  hear  it,"  said  Albert,  his  face  changing  color. 
"  Well,  Joe,  that  is  the  best  thing  any  of  us  can  do  to  keep 
in  good  spirits.  Life  is  short,  and  if  we  don't  make  the 
best  of  it  we  are  to  blame.  I  am  deuced  glad  that  you  have 
been  making  the  best  of  yours  by  being  nominated  for  Con 
gress  on  the  right  ticket." 

"  I  may  fail." 

"Fail!  fail!"  roared  the  Hercules.  "Who  said  fail? 
Why,  the  devil!  I  should  as  soon  think  the  sun  would  fail 
to  come  up  to-morrow  morning  as  I  should  think  you  would 


THE    TWO    LONG-TRIED    FRIENDS.  52! 

fail  in  being  elected.  True,  you  are  rather  young;  but 
what  of  that  ?  Haven't  you  grown  up  with  us  ?  Haven't 
we  nursed  our  own  ?  Haven't  we  heard  your  speeches  ? 
Don't  we  know  all  about  your  ability  ?  Haven't  you  done 
some  of  the  best  campaigning  that  was  ever  done  in  this 
State,  or  any  other?  Heavens  and  earth !  old  Father  Goliah 
would  never  have  got  his  election  in  God's  world  but  for 
you  and  Mother  Junk!  He  knows  it,  and  everybody  knows 
it.  You  could  do  all  that,  as  a  mere  boy,  for  somebody  else, 
and  then  talk  about  failing,  as  a  man,  and  that,  too,  for  your 
self !  If  I  did  not  like  you  just  as  well  as  I  do,  I  would 
shake  you  as  an  old  cat  does  a  mouse,  just  for  your  impu 
dence.  Fail!  fail,  Joe  Junk?  I'll  knock  a  man  natter  than 
a  flounder  that  dares  to  breathe  the  word  fail  in  my  ears!" 

It  was  not  often  Joel  laughed  immoderately,  but  in  this 
instance  he  leaned  back  in  his  chair  and  gave  vent  to  his 
mirth  in  prolonged  peals  of  laughter  that  fairly  shook  the 
furniture.  He  was  not  laughing  so  much  at  what  his  friend 
said  as  at  the  picture  his  own  fancy  drew. 

"Why,  Albert!  if  my  opponent  only  knew  what  a  for 
midable  enemy  he  had  in  the  field,  he  would  retire  without 
the  least  contest.  Just  think  of  a  man  of  your  gigantic 
strength  standing  at  the  polls  and  taking  every  voter  by  the 
ear,  demanding  that  he  vote  your  ticket  or  you  will  make 
hash  of  him  and  swallow  him  in  an  instant.  I  think,  with 
out  a  doubt,  you  would  frighten  him  over  to  my  side." 

"Well,  there  is  no  sure  thing  that  I  shall  not  do  it,  if  I 
hear  any  more  talk  about  failing." 

The  two  long-tried  and  sworn  friends  then  drifted  out 
upon  general  topics. 

Day  by  day  Speck,  or  the  new  Koger  Smith,  was  becom 
ing  domiciled  in  his  new  home.  The  great  and  wondrous 
world  was  opening  up  to  him.  Of  course,  it  could  not  be 
taken  at  one  mouthful.  He  was  becoming  civilized  as  fast 
as  his  comprehension  would  allow.  The  Senator  said  to  his 
daughter:  "We  must  tone  him  up  before  we  send  him  to 


522       MADAME  JANE  JUNK  AND  JOE. 

school."  "What  the  Senator  meant  by  toning  him  up  was, 
that  Roger  must  learn  to  keep  his  face  and  hands  clean,  and 
wipe  his  nose  when  it  required  that  attention.  But  the 
daughter  saw  that  something  more  was  requisite.  Roger 
must  learn  to  speak  the  English  language  so  that  at  least  he 
could  be  understood.  There  was  one  thing  she  spared  no 
labor  in  teaching  him  the  importance  of,  and  that  was  to 
speak  the  truth.  It  grieved  her  excessively  to  find  that  he 
had  a  large  propensity  for  making  stories,  as  the  old  saying 
goes,  out  of  the  whole  cloth  and  relating  them  as  facts.  In 
a  short  time  she  had  him  in  such  subjection  that  when  he 
began  a  bit  of  fiction  she  would  say :  "Roger,  is  that  true ?" 
If  it  was  not  true,  he  did  not  say  yes,  but  would  drop  his 
eyes  under  the  mild  reproof,  feeling  conscious  that  he  had 
done  wrong.  '  It  was  thus  that  this  patient  young  woman 
instilled  truth  into  the  mind  of  Speck,  or  Master  Roger 
Smith.  Day  by  day  she  saw  him  improve,  and  felt  rewarded 
for  her  trouble.  She  was  determined  to  establish  a  character 
in  him  before  she  trusted  him  in  the  hands  of  strangers. 

The  two  men  who  through  Speck  had  been  brought  to 
justice  were  tried,  condemned  and  sentenced  to  San  Quen- 
tin  for  a  term  of  years,  Speck  being  the  principal  witness. 
Having  been  taught  the  nature  of  an  oath  by  Mrs.  Joel 
Fletcher,  he  gave  his  evidence  creditably.  Tom  Splinter 
died  before  the  time  appointed  for  his  trial.  He  made  a 
full  confession  of  all  his  bad  deeds,  and  implicated  ulicaught 
thieves. 

Madame  Junk,  during  Tom  Splinter's  last  days  in  jail, 
became  a  frequent  visitor  to  her  old  haunts,  and  at  each 
visit  knelt  in  prayer,  asking  God's  mercy  for  the  soul  of  the 
sinner.  Dear  reader,  let  us  hope  it  was  answered.  Tom 
Splinter  died  a  true  penitent.  Madame  Junk  saw  him  de 
cently  buried,  with  a  neat  little  slab  at  his  head,  upon  which 
was  written  an  epitaph  of  her  own  composing,  reading  as 
follows:  "  Gathered  to  Thy  fold  at  last." 

Mrs.  Pictpink  was  sent  to  the  State  prison  for  a  term  of 


A    NEW    ROLE.  523 

years.  Having  great  faitli  in  Madame  Junk's  ability  to  do 
almost  anything,  she  begged  of  that  lady  to  use  her  influ-' 
ence  in  getting  a  pardon;  but  in  vain.  Thus  community 
was  relieved  for  a  time  from  the  bad  acts  of  a  desperato 
character. 

Daring  the  campaign  for  Joel's  election,  Madame  Junk 
•was  called  before  the  public  in  a  new  role.  If  not  entirely 
new,  it  was  something  she  had  not  done  since  A.  Goliali 
Smith  was  up  for  Congress  the  last  time.  Joel's  opponents 
were  not  slow  in  trotting  out  all  that  was  Junky  in  his  early 
life.  His  opponent's  organ  wrote  squibs  over  the  word 
Junk.  All  this  Madame  Junk  bore  right  manfully;  said  it 
mattered  not  if  her  name  was  Junk,  she  could  boast  of  such 
progenitors  as  they  could  not.  And  so  the  scurrilous  arti 
cles  written  by  these  fellows  was  borne  with  Christian  forti 
tude. 

Her  long  life  had  been  devoted  to  the  benefit  of  the 
human  family.  She  fervently  prayed  that  God  might  grant 
her  a  few  more  years  in  which  to  complete  the  work  she  had 
undertaken.  When  she  had  seen  a  fine  large  institution 
erected,  and  in  fine  running  order  as  a  home  for  vagrant 
boys,  she  could  die  happy.  The  work  she  so  many  years 
ago  began  to  write,  upon  "  The  Proper  Propagation  of  the 
American  Race,"  she  knew  would  be  completed.  Mayhnp 
it  was  not  so  clearly  drawn  as  she  could  wish;  but  the  idea 
would  be  conveyed,  and  she  would  thus  indirectly  accom 
plish  her  task.  More  than  all  that,  her  far-seeing  eye  saw 
in  the  future  some  writer  who  would  pick  up  his  pen,  and 
write  upon  the  subject  of  "  The  Proper  Propagation  of  the 
American  Race/5  She,  humble  woman,  would  fain  leave 
behind  her  some  example  for  wise  men  to  follow.  She 
would  die  feeling  that  she  had  given  birth  to  a  large  idea. 
She  felt  that,  through  her  exertions,  the  question  of  reform- 
would  be  largely  agitated.  She  felt  that,  even  though  Pres 
ident  Grant  took  no  notice  of  her  letter,  other  men  just  as 
good  as  he  is  would;  and  when  the  President  should  come 


524  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

to  hear  of  her  death  (and  she  had  no  doubt  he  would),  he 
would  feel  ashamed  enough  when  he  came  to  see  how  mer 
cenary  he  had  been. 

"  Joel/'  said  Madame  Junk  one  morning,  when  Joel  and 
his  wife  had  driven  out  to  make  her  a  call,  "  you  know 
something  of  my  pet  scheme  ?" 

"Yes,  mother,"  replied  Joel,  with  a  smile;  "  to  know 
your  pet  schemes  is  to  further  them." 

"I  am  pleased  that  you  understand  them  so  well.  I  only 
hope  you  will  define  them  more  clearly  by  practical  applica 
tion.  There  never  was  a  time  so  opportune  for  working  for 
God  and  humanity.  Joel,  you  have  been  blessed.  Because 
it  is  so,  do  not  forget  the  unfortunate." 

"  No,  mother,  while  you  live  there  will  be  no  chance. 
Now  that  the  subject  is  open,  I  have  a  request  to  make  of 
you.  I  want  you  to  turn  the  American  Girl  out  to  grass, 
and  sit  quietly  here  for  a  few  months,  or  do  anything  you 
please.  Go  East,  take  a  little  journey  in  any  direction  you 
wish;  but  let  charity  alone.  There  are  others  who  can 
carry  through  your  pet  schemes,  and  with  far  less  labor 
than  you  can." 

Madame  Junk  removed  her  glasses,  rubbed  each  eye  with 
her  handkerchief,  and  laid  the  palm  of  one  hand  over  the 
back  of  the  other  which  rested  in  her  lap.  She  looked  in 
tently  at  Joel  for  some  moments  without  speaking. 

"  AVhat  do  you  mean,  Joel  ?" 

"  Nothing  more  nor  less  than  that  I  shall  introduce  a  bill 
asking  Congress  to  make  an  appropriation  for  the  erection 
of  a  home  for  homeless  vagabond  boys/' 

Madame  Junk  grew  white,  while  her  breath  came  and 
went  quickly. 

"  Do  you  think  it  will  pass  ?" 

"  Without  a  doubt." 

Madame  Junk  laid  her  long  thin  hands  together,  and 
raised  them  to  heaven. 

"  O  God!  out  of   the  fullness  of  thy  heart  Thou  hast 


A    WOMANLY    WOMAN.  525 

answered  my  prayer."  She  arose  softly,  and  walked  to  the 
opposite  side  of  the  room,  where  Joel  sat.  She  laid  her 
hand  upon  his  head,  as  she  used  to  when  he  was  a  boy,  and 
said,  "  You  are  what  I  always  knew  you  would  be." 

"Well,  well,  mother/'  said  Joel,  a  little  nervously.  "  I 
give  you  my  word  to  do  all  I  can.  But  you  have  not  granted 
my  request." 

'"  What  was  it,  Joel?" 

"  Why,  to  turn  the  American  Girl  out  to  grass." 

Madame  Junk  uttered  a  prolonged  o-h ! 

"You  placed  so  much  stress  upon  it  I  was  quite  deceived. 
Why,  certainly!  The  American  Girl  shall  have  a  rest." 

' '  I  think  it  is  quite  time.  I  do  not  believe  there  is  another 
horse  in  California  that  has  done  such  an  amount  of  chari 
table  work  as  the  American  Girl.  If  she  is  not  entitled  to 
roam  the  green  fields,  I  don't  know  who  is;  and  just  in  pro 
portion  as  the  American  Girl  needs  rest,  so  do  you." 

At  this  last  word  a  low  rap  was  heard  at  the  door,  and 
Larry  O' Doodle  handed  in  the  mail.  Among  the  letters 
was  one  from  Switzerland.  This  was  first  opened  and  read 
with  eager  eyes.  It  announced  Sternna's  intention  of  re 
turning  to  America.  Notwithstanding  Madame  Junk  was 
delighted  at  the  thought  of  seeing  her,  yet  her  mind, 
through  force  of  habit,  began  to  harness  up  the  gifted  artist 
to  help  draw  the  new  Home.  Yes,  indeed,  she  could  not 
come  at  a  more  favorable  time.  Carrie  wept  tears  of  joy  at 
the  thought  of  having  her  beloved  friend  near  her  once 
more.  Then  she  had  a  great  and  important  secret  to  tell 
her — such  a  secret  as  woman's  love  for  woman  can  sympa 
thize  with.  There  had  never  been  a  time  when  her  heart 
so  yearned  for  the  kind  counsel  of  this  noble  soul.  To 
Sternna  she  could  open  her  whole  heart;  to  her  she  could 
talk  without  reserve  of  the  coming  event. 

The  announcement  of  Sternna's  return  created  quite  a 
furore.  When  the  Senator  heard  of  it  he  expressed  himself 
thus: 


526  MADAME    JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 


"  I  thought  so.  It  is  all  very  well  for  a  time;  but  when 
a  person  has  been  "Brought  up  in  America,  as  it  were,  I  can 
tell  yon  what  it  is,  they  like  to  come  back." 

The  Senator  sat  in  his  easy-chair,  looking  at  some  red 
coals  in  the  grate.  Every  little  while  he  smiled,  as  if  he  saw 
something  in  the  coals  that  pleased  him. 

"  Father,  you  look  greatly  pleased.  Suppose  you  give  us 
the  benefit  of  your  thoughts,"  said  the  daughter. 

"  Why,  Carrie,  I  was  thinking  how  that  little  tot  looked 
the  first  time  I  saw  her." 

"  How  did  she  look,  father?     Tell  us  all  about  it." 

"You  saw  the  picture  she  painted  of  herself — the  one 
Mother  Junk  has?" 

"  Yes.  I  always  thought  it  was  an  extravagant  sort  of  a 
fancy  sketch." 

"  No,  indeed;  it  is  complete.  It  could  not  have  been 
better.  I  think  she  could  about  wear  those  shoes  now.  Ah! 
how  time  flies.  It  seems  but  a  day  or  two  since  Mother 
Junk  came  into  my  office  leading  Cinderella  by  the  hand. 
Look  at  her  now — an  accomplished  woman.  Tut!  tut!  it 
is  these  things  that  tell  a  man  how  old  he  is." 


CHAPTEE    LX. 

D.  D.  SPLUDGE  GATHERED  TO  HIS  FATHERS—  BY  PROXY 
HE  WILLS  TEN  THOUSAND  DOLLARS  TO  THE  POOR 
—MRS.  SPLUDGE  PLEASED  WITH  THE  APPROVAL 
OF  THE  PEOPLE. 


EOEGE  GEEGOEY  GLEWEE  was  now  full-fledged. 
He  was  a  stanch,  steady,  straightforward  business 
man.  Those  bad  boys  that  punished  him  so  unmercifully 
at  school  were  nobodies.  Maybe  their  mothers  were  no 
bodies  before  them.  George  Gregory  Glewer  was  a  good 
little  boy,  and  he  has  made  a  good  big  man.  If  he  lacks 
that  Yankee  snap  which  is  characteristic  of  the  greater  por 
tion  of  our  business  men,  he  has  sufficient  to  run  the  hard 
ware  trade.  In  our  first  reference  to  him  we  did  not  design 
to  go  into  details.  We  only  intended  to  remark  that  of  all 
the  delighted  friends  who  would  welcome  Sternna  back  to 
America,  there  was  none  whose  heart  palpitated  over  this 
event  as  did  George's.  No  one  dreamed  he  was  in  love  with 
the  young  woman  except  his  adopted  mother,  who  resorted 
to  many  delicate  ways  of  reminding  him  that  it  was  a  hope 
less  love,  and  that  he  must  try  and  overcome  his  feelings 
and  love  some  one  who  could  return  his  affection. 

"  Poor  Mrs.  Spludge,"  was  what  the  sympathizing  old 
ladies  of  the  neighborhood  said  one  morning,  after  the  an 
nouncement  of  Mr.  Spludge's  death.  "  Poor  woman!"  It 
is  little  better  than  a  year  since  that  lady  was  led  to  the 
altar  by  the  well-known  attorney-at-law.  There  is  a  wide 
difference  between  an  old  maid  and  a  widow.  D.  D.  Spludge 

(527) 


528  MADAME    JANE    JUNK   AND    JOE. 

left  a  will  dividing  all  his  property  between  his  wife  and 
daughter.  It  consisted  of  many,  many  thousands  in  real 
estate  and  moneys,  a  fact  which  undoubtedly  consoled  Mrs. 
Spludge  to  his  being  thus  taken  away.  If  she  had  been 
cast  out  upon  the  world  again  at  her  time  of  life,  we  very 
much  fear  her  grief  would  be  of  a  more  distressing  nature. 
As  it  is,  there  is  an  opportunity  for  the  old  sign  to  be  veri 
fied;  i.  <?.,  that  two  wrinkles  between  the  eyes  denote  two 
husbands.  The  one  unrepresented  wrinkle  will  be  backed 
up  by  a  fair  fortune;  and  if  there  is  any  sign  that  money 
won't  prove  the  fallacy  of,  it  should  be  forever  cast  out  of 
every  well-regulated  old  lady's  calendar  of  signs. 

Madame  Junk  was  one  of  the  first  to  offer  Mrs.  Spludge 
her  sympathy,  and  throw  in  any  little  suggestion  that  oc 
curred  to  her.  Most  delicately  this  good  woman  reconnoitred 
Mrs.  Spludge's  feelings  to  ascertain  if  it  would  be  the  least 
satisfaction  to  Mrs.  Spludge  for  Madame  Junk  to  appear  in 
black  at  the  funeral,  and  to  sit  with  the  mourners,  which, 
in  truth,  were  so  limited  in  number  that  it  would  seem  a 
charity  for  most  any  one  to  make  such  an  offer.  Madame 
Junk  was  perfectly  delighted  to  find  that  it  accorded  with 
the  new  widow's  feelings.  Mrs.  Spludge  is  no  exception  in 
these  things;  for  where  in  all  the  world  is  there  a  woman 
who  does  not  like  to  see  a  long  line  of  mourners  at  her  hus 
band's  funeral.  Doubtless,  had  it  been  the  custom,  of  our 
country,  she  would  have  hired  a  small  army  of  weepers. 
She  thought  of  it  as  it  was;  but  her  lack  of  confidence  in 
the  American  people  made  her  cast  the  thought  aside.  She 
thought,  in  case  she  did,  out  of  respect  to  her  husband,  hire 
a  few  mourners,  ten  to  one  they  would  get  to  laughing,  and 
make  the  whole  thing  ridiculous.  These  American  people 
do  so  lack  in  dignity.  Mrs.  Spludge  called  to  mind  any 
number  of  instances  where  she  had  seen  such  people,  taking 
a  free  ride  in  carriages  paid  for  by  the  relatives  of  the  de 
ceased,  laughing  and  chatting  and  telling  stories  all  the  way. 
By  the  appearance  of  the  rear  carriages,  you  would  actually 


NOTHING    LEFT    TO    THE    ^OOR.  529 

suppose  it  was  a  pleasure-party  rather  than  a  funeral.  We, 
as  Americans,  should  not  attempt  to  gainsay  this,  for  it  is  a 
glaring  truth. 

The  funeral  of  David  Delight  Spludge  passed  off  very 
much  as  other  funerals  do.  There  was  a  reasonable  con 
course  of  people,  who  gathered  to  pay  the  last  sad  rites  to 
a  mail  who  in  life  had  more  crotchets  than  usually  fall  to 

the  lot  of  man.  The  good  Dr.  S said,  in  his  eulogy  of 

him,  that  he  was  a  law-abiding  citizen,  and  he  was;  but  the 

good  Dr.  S might  have  added,  with  truth,  that  Lawyer 

Spludge  had  been  fortunate  in  forever  finding  the  law  on 
his  side,  as  the  former  owners  of  ten-acre  lots  could  truth 
fully  attest.  D.  D.  Spludge  not  only  understood  laws,  but 
flaws,  and  for  the  latter  he  had  been  a  stickler.  It  was  by 
his  knowledge  of  flawrs  that  he  amassed  a  fortune.  More 
over,  he  had  always  been  a  regular  attendant  at  good  Dr. 
S 's  church,  and  quite  a  liberal  contributor  for  all  char 
itable  purposes.  There  were  some  though,  when  they  saw 
his  name  upon  the  charitable  list,  mean  enough  to  mutter 
something  about  robbing  Peter  to  pay  Paul.  D.  D.  Spludge 
had  ever  managed  to  keep  on  the  popular  side  of  all  politi 
cal  questions,  and  also  in  religion.  We  know,  and  the 
world  knows,  that  when  a  man  dose  that  he  is  tolerably 
safe.  The  kind  acts,  and  good  deeds,  and  benevolent  im 
pulses  of  our  lives  we  sometimes  leave  to  be  fulfilled  by 
others.  As  it  is  said  to  be  possible  to  pray  souls  out  of 
Purgatory,  so  can  friends  wash  a  little  of  the  smut  off  from 
a  black  name  after  death.  It  may  be  done  by  setting  to 
rights  the  wrongs  one  has  done  during  a  lifetime.  Those 
wrongs  may  be  past  itemizing,  but  they  may  be  lumped,  to 
use  a  business  phrase.  Some  great  good  may  thus  indirectly 
be  done  for  humanity  in  general  by  those  who  failed  to  do 
their  duty  while  living. 

The  Widow  Spludge  has  much  that  is  noble  in  her  nature. 
"When  the  will  had  been  read,  and  from  this  vast  fortune 
no  penny  had  been  left  for  the  poor,  her  face  crimsoned. 
34 


53O  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

Mrs.  Spludge  conferred  with  Madame  Junk  with  closed 
doors.  The  widow  expressed  regrets  at  what  she  termed 
her  husband's  thoughtlessness. 

"Let  us  see,"  said  Madame  Junk,  "  what  can  be  done  to 
correct  his  mistake.  If  you  feel  so  disposed,  you  can  give 
a  portion  of  your  fortune  for  benevolent  purposes/' 

"  But  can  I  do  it  in  his  name?  I  wish  the  world  to  un 
derstand  that  it  was  his  desire — his  wish." 

Both  of  these  truthful  women  were  oblivious  to  the  fact 
that  this  would  be  a  downright  falsehood,  so  imbued  were 
they  w7ith  the  idea  of  having  David  Delight  Spludge  honored 
on  earth  and  glorified  in  heaven. 

"  Do  you  think  his  daughter  will  agree  with  us?" 

"  I  think  she  will,"  replied  Madame  Junk. 

"  Do  you  think  Joel  would  advise  us?" 

"Without  a  doubt." 

For  a  few  days  there  was  a  buzzing  about  mysterious 
documents.  At  last  community  was  perfectly  stunned — 
overwhelmed  as  it  were — when  the  announcement  was  made 
that  D.  D.  Spludge  had  left  ten  thousand  dollars  for  chari 
table  purposes,  and  a  portion  of  it  was  for  the  erection  of  a 
Home  for  Vagrant  Boys,  and  another  portion  was  for  Asy 
lums  for  Old  Ladies  and  Orphans.  In  certain  quarters 
there  were  more  mutterings.  Some  said  it  was  the  least  he 
could  do,  for  he  had  robbed  more  than  one  orphan.  Mrs. 
Spludge  was  pleased  that  through  her  Mr.  Spludge  had 
been  called  before  the  curtain  and  applauded  as  a  philan 
thropist.  It  was  not  a  little  gratifying,  as  she  was  moving 
in  her  mourning  weeds,  to  hear  on  every  side:  "  How  be 
nevolent!  How  philanthropic!  "Well,  he  was  always  a  quiet 
man.  No  one  could  find  out  anything  of  his  intentions." 

Such  and  such  were  the  comments.  The  good  Dr.  S , 

in  referring  to  him  in  his  next  Sabbath  sermon,  caused  not 
a  few  of  the  congregation  to  use  their  pocket  handkerchiefs. 
These  pious  ladies  never  for  one  instant  thought  they  had 
been  guilty  of  a  fraud.  In  their  religious  fervor  they  are 


GOOD-BY    TO    SCOTLAND.  53! 

willing  to  soil  their  white  garments  by  seeking  to  erase  the 
dark  spots  on  the  lives  of  others.  If  it  is  a  fraud,  it  is  a 
justifiable  one. 

Old  Rory,  the  faithful  servant  to  the  Earl  of  Bc'Clue, 
has  passed  from  the  scenes  of  life.  He  lived  until  the  good 
old  age  of  ninety.  His  remains  lie  beneath  the  sod  of  his 
own  native  land.  Sternna's  eyes  grow  moist  when  she  looks 
upon  the  head  of  her  "  Douce  David  Deans."  She  cherishes 
the  memory  of  this  faithful  heart  with  feelings  of  gratitude. 
"When  Rory  no  longer  lived,  Scotland  grew  wearisome  to 
her;  and  when  she  returned  there  after  a  long  interval,  she 
resolved  to  return  to  America.  She  longed  to  meet  old 
friends.  Of  all  those  who  loved  her  most  there  were  few 
missing.  She  would  gather  the  daisies  and  buttercups  on 
the  plains  of  the  Far  AVest.  She  would  talk  with  the  red 
men,  and  with  pencil  and  brush  would  transfer  them  to 
canvas  to  delight  the  people  of  the  Old  World.  Many 
and  varied  were  her  plans  as  she  bade  adieu  for  a  time  to 
her  friends  in  Scotland.  She  would  return  to  America  not 
only  with  a  widespread  fame  as  an  artist,  but  as  the  wealthy 
heiress  of  a  royal  house;  a  lady  who,  if  her  blood  does  run 
blue,  is  American  in  all  her  sympathies  and  cosmopolitan 
in  her  views,  who  will  never  meet  misery  and  poverty,  how 
ever  abject,  without  feeling  for  and  relieving  it,  if  possible. 
A  part  of  this  angelic  nature  she  owes  to  her  own  experi 
ence  and  goodness  of  heart,  and  a  part  of  it  to  the  training 
of  Madame  Junk  and  Miss  Busy. 


CHAPTER    LXI. 

THE  ELECTION— A  SPEECH— A  FUNERAL— A  BIRTH— 
THE  ARRIVAL— THE  TWO  EPITAPHS;  ONE  FOR  THE 
DEAD  AND  ONE  FOR  THE  LIVING. 

T  GEL'S  campaign  was  attended  with  the  usual  clamor 
^_J  known  only  to  such  occasions.  His  friends  were  con 
fident  that  he  would  win  the  day.  Albert  Mayo  would 
stump  the  State  for  him.  He  was  but  a  poor  orator  at  best, 
but  the  deep  heartfelt  interest  imbued  his  hearers  with 
something  of  his  own  enthusiasm.  He  related  to  them  how 
he  had  known  Joel  from  a  boy;  he  dwelt  at  length  upon  his 
honesty  and  truth.  He  usually  closed  up  his  speeches  with: 
"  My  fellow  citizens,  if  we  elect  this  man  to  Congress  he 
will  be  a  credit  to  us  all,"  and  then  he  would  bring  down 
his  fist  with  a  thump  that  sent  all  the  ladies  who  went  to 
hear  him  home  with  the  headache.  (A  voice  from  the 
crowd:  "  He  is  the  son  of  an  old  Southerner.")  And  the 
speaker  hurled  over  the  heads  of  the  people,  and  back  into 
the  teeth  of  the  intruder,  these  words:  "Our  candidate  is 
the  son  of  the  people !  He  is  a  son  that  every  true-born 
American  man  and  woman  should  be  proud  of;"  and  the 
speaker  came  very  near  adding,  "  He  is  the  son  of  God;" 
but  remembering  that  God  had  but  one  son,  he  knew  it 
would  not  do.  Correcting  the  thought,  he  rendered  it  with 
this  difference:  "  He  is  a  son  whom  God  has  built  up  for 
His  people." 

All  through  this  political  contest  Joel  was  as  calm  and 
collected  as  if  he  were  a  disinterested  party.  When  the 
battle  was  over,  and  he  found  himself  elected  by  a  large 
(532) 


SMILING    ALL    ROUND.  533 

majority,  his  feelings  began  to  react.  The  whirl  and  ex 
citement  of  the  hour  brought  with  it  a  retrospect.  He 
recalled  his  past  life,  and  there  was  not  one  step  of  it 
that  he  did  not  in  his  heart  bless  God  for.  He  saw  the 
great  Providence  in  his  having  been  cast  out  from  his  natural 
home.  Had  he  been  reared  beneath  the  family  tree,  his  life 
•would  have  been  less  rich  in  experience,  his  knowledge  of 
men  and  things  more  limited.  He  also  understood  that  one 
should  know  something  of  the  worst  side  of  life,  in  order 
to  appreciate  the  best  side.  If  his  lines  had  not  always 
been  cast  in  pleasant  places,  it  was  well  to  know  the  exist 
ence  of  such  places.  As  for  Madame  Junk,  it  Avas  the 
proudest  day  in  all  her  life.  Her  joy  knew  no  bounds.  Had 
she  been  under  no  restraint,  we  very  much  fear  she  would 
have  rushed  out  and  clone  some  such  unladylike  thing  as  to 
take  a  smile  with  the  crowd,  who,  in  truth,  were  smiling  all 
round.  The  only  thing  she  did  do  which  looked  out  of  the 
way,  was  to  take  the  American  flag,  rush  to  the  door,  and 
wave  it  violently  over  her  head  and  cry:  "Victory  is  ours! 
The  Union  forever!"  with  a  faint  hurrah,  which  was  almost 
drowned  by  the  crowing  of  Larry  O'Doodle's  rooster,  who 
no  doubt  thought  that  his  cock-a-doodle-do  was  appropriate, 
inasmuch  as  he  could  not  smile. 

Sternna  arrived  amid  a  large  gathering  of  people  who 
were  in  front  of  Senator  Smith's  house.  They  were  calling 
loudly  for  our  hero  and  "a  speech!  a  speech!"  It  was  with 
great  effort  the  carriage  could  make  its  way  to  the  gate. 

"Ah,  Papa!   Sternna  has  come;  run  quick." 

The  Senator  rushed  clown  the  walk  bare-headed,  the  wind 
playing  with  his  white  hairs.  AVith  this  stately  lady  lean 
ing  on  his  arm  he  retraced  his  steps. 

Sternna  had  just  time  to  ask  why  all  these  people  were 
gathered,  when  a  shout  went  up,  and  "Welcome!  welcome 
back  to  America!"  rang  out  upon  the  air. 

The  Senator  whispered,  "  Joel  is  elected,  and  they  are 
calling  for  a  speech." 


534  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

"  Let  him  make  it  before  lie  sees  me." 

Joel  appeared  in  a  niche  just  over  the  door,  which  led 
into  the  main  hall.  In  looking  up  from  the  ground  it  would 
seem  as  though  he  was  held  there  by  invisible  hands,  for  you 
could  not  see  what  he  stood  upon.  Cheer  upon  cheer 
greeted  him;  the  band  of  music  played  "Lo,  the  conquer 
ing  hero  comes."  The  dark  ornamental  work  of  this  niche 
contrasted  with  his  pale  face.  He  addressed  the  people  in 
calm,  dignified  language.  He  spoke  of  his  hopes  for  our 
nation;  he  asked  the  people, to  support  him  in  retrieving 
our  name;  he  would  have  the  name  we  so  justly  merited  of 
being  a  corrupt  government  washed  clean.  The  young  man 
warmed  with  his  speech.  He  told  his  hearers  that  it  was 
the  voice  of  the  people  that  controlled  the  nation.  "  It  is 
for  you  to  say  if  our  name  shall  be  handed  down  to  genera 
tions  yet  to  come,  fair  and  untarnished.  Let  every  man 
study  the  history  of  politics,  and  he  will  find  that  we  are 
retrograding  in  place  of  advancing.  Every  man  to  the 
work!  Let  the  foundation  of  our  platform  be  honesty.  I 
tell  you  again  it  is  the  voice  of  the  people  who  build  our 
platforms  and  place  the  rulers  of  our  nation  thereon.  A 
man  who  will  sell  his  vote  would  sell  his  soul.  Your  prin 
ciples  should  be  worth  more  than  money.  Let  money  have 
no  weight  in  electing  men  to  make  laws  for  you.  A  man 
who  will  buy  you  will  sell  you;  and  a  man  who  can  be 
bought  is  a  piece  of  merchandise,  and  fit  only  to  sell  again. 
(A  voice  from  the  crowd :  "  It  is  a  dirty  bird  that  befouls  his 
own  nest.  Has  the  stripling  forgotten  how  his  owrn  father- 
in-law  won  his  election  a  number  of  years  ago  ?") 

Joel's  voice  swelled  and  vibrated  until  it  reached  the  most 
distant  ear  in  the  crowd. 

"  Irrespective  of  party,  irrespective  of  man,  irrespective 
of  kith  or  kin,  I  ask  all  who  are  blindly  ignorant  to  open 
their  eyes.  No  longer  pin  your  faith  upon  the  coat-sleeves 
of  moneyed  men.  Let  the  men  whom  you  support  come  to 
you  recommended  by  honesty  and  firm  principles.  Let 


JOEL  S    SPEECH.  535 

them  be  men  wliose  whole  souls  are  absorbed  in  the  inter 
ests  of  our  country;  not  men  whose  time  is  consumed  by 
looking  after  their  own  individual  interests.  Do  you  sup 
pose  that  these  men  who  have  millions  to  care  for,  and  in 
vest  in  such  ways  as  will  bring  millions  in  return  for  such 
investments,  are  imbued  with  the  desire  to  improve  our 
government  ?  The  interest  of  the  people  should  be  their 
interest,  the  welfare  of  the  country  their  highest  aim.  Am 
I  unreasonable  in  showing  you  things  in  their  true  light  ? 
I  say  again,  that  not  until  you  support  men  from  the  stand 
point  of  right,  shall  we,  as  a  nation,  grow  in  good,  progress 
in  knowledge,  and  retrieve  what  our  forefathers  so  gallantly 
fought  for,  and  so  nobly  won."  With  a  low  bow,  he  van 
ished,  amid  the  prolonged  cheering  of  the  people. 

When  Joel  stepped  within  the  room,  the  Senator  was 
blowing  his  nose,  and  switching  his  handkerchief  about  his 
face.  He  held  his  hand  out,  and  grasped  Joel's. 

"  You  hit  me  like  the  devil,  Joe;  but  I  am  proud  of  you, 
my  boy,  and  I  can  well  say  this  is  the  happiest  hour  of  my 
life.  Come  below.  We  have  a  particular  friend,  who  has 
come  to  pay  us  a  long  visit." 

Joel  was  silent.  He  thought  he  knew  who  it  was.  He 
stepped  into  the  drawing-room,  and  the  stately  lady  arose, 
and  placed  her  arms  about  him. 

"  Joel!  my  brother!  Joel,  let  me  be  the  first  to  say,  God 
bless  thee,  my  dear  brother." 

Joel  embraced  Sternna,  and  kissed  her  on  one  cheek,  and 
she  turned  to  him  the  other  also. 

"Joe,  you  will  be  what  we  have  all  wished  and  hoped 
you  would  be." 

Carrie  was  so  overcome  that  she  retired  to  her  mother's 
room,  who  was  now  a  confirmed  invalid.  Mrs.  Fletcher's 
first  congratulations  to  her  husband  should  be  when  they 
were  alone.  Her  feelings  were  too  intense  to  be  exposed 
even  to  her  father  and 'Sternna.  Madame  Junk,  half  wild 
with  the  events  of  the  day,  rushed  upon  the  scene  of  action. 


536.  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

Sternna  greeted  her  Mother  Junk  with  the  tenderness  of  a 
real  daughter.  Congratulations  began  pouring  in  from  all 
over  the  country.  A  gentleman  remarked  to  Albert  Mayo : 

' '  A  body  would  think  that  old  Groliah's  family  and  the 
Junks  thought  that  to  be  a  Congressman  was  the  biggest 
thing  extant." 

"Oh,  the  devil!"  said  Albert.  "The  joke  don't  end 
here.  We  will  elect  Joe  Junk  for  the  next  President." 

"  Yes,  it  would  be  just  like  this  party's  tomfoolery,"  said 
an  old  Democrat;  "  when  the  Republican  party  get  to  going 
they  run  everything  into  the  ground." 

Madame  Junk  had  often  said  that  no  Democrat  was  born 
right. 

"  Not  by  a  good  deal.  Our  train  is  running  the  other 
way.  We  leave  the  underground  business  for  you  fellows, 
who  are  at  home  there,  and  always  will  be." 

Emotional  events  sometimes  follow  each  other  in  rapid 
succession.  The  hue  and  cry  of  Joel's  election  had  not 
more  than  abated,  when  a  mighty  shadow  fell  athwart  the 
Senator's  door.  Death  intruded  within  the  domain,  and 
summoned  its  victim  to  come  forth  from  the  busy  scenes  of 
life.  The  election  was  attended  with  pomp,  and  so  was  the 
fuDeral  of  Mrs.  Amos  Goliah  Smith. 

"What  a  pity,"  all  the  old  ladies  remarked,  "that  she 
could  not  have  lived  to  see  her  beautiful  little  grand 
daughter!"  -which  was  born  three  days  after  her  death. 
Madame  Junk  was  the  only  grandmother  who  officiated  at 
the  birth,  and  she  was  equal  to  any  three  grandmothers. 
Her  knowledge  of  these  things  was  unlimited.  She  knew 
just  how  warm  the  bath  should  be,  just  how  tight  and  how 
warm  the  clothing  should  be,  and  all  the  other  little  details 
attending  such  an  event. 

We  reyret  that  we  have  not  a  marriage  with  which  to 
finish  this  chapter.  We  hope  no  reader  will  be  so  unreason 
able  as  to  expect  us  to  marry  Senator  Smith  in  this  chapter, 
for  we  cannot  consistently  do  it.  Our  sense  of  what  we 


WE    CANNOT    MAKE    A    WEDDING.  537 

deem  to  be  right  forbids  it.  The  Senator's  life  has  been 
saddened  by  the  death  of  his  wife,  but  cheered  by  the  tiny 
life  which  takes  him  back  to  the  hour  when  first  he  looked 
upon  the  face  of  his  granddaughter's  mother.  Joel  is  all 
activity  in  preparing  to  leave  for  Washington,  whither  his 
wife  and  child,  Sternna  and  his  father-in-law,  will  follow 
him  in  a  short  time.  Speck  has  been  sent  to  a  good  Chris 
tian  boarding-school,  where  he  is  progressing  finely.  His 
love  of  ham  has  somewhat  abated,  although  he  takes  kindly 
to  a  slice  now  and  then,  provided  it  is  garnished  with  eggs. 
Speck  is  very  human  in  those  things.  Roen  Fletcher  has 
been  in  a  quiver  ever  since  his  son's  election.  He  never 
takes  up  a  paper  without  visible  signs  of  emotion.  Mrs. 
Fletcher  is  quiet;  all  the  mother's  heart  is  alive  to  the  in 
terest  and  honor  of  her  child.  She  longs  to  clasp  her  little 
granddaughter  in  her  arms  and  imprint  upon  its  cheek  a  kiss 
of  love.  Mr.  Fletcher's  only  regret  is  that  it  is  not  a  boy. 
He  wanted  the  name  of  Fletcher  perpetuated;  but  then  he 
tells  his  wife  that  there  is  time  enough — there  will  110  doubt 
be  a  little  army  of  boys  after  a  while. 

The  day  prior  to  our  friends'  departure  for  Washington, 
Madame  Junk  poked  her  forefinger  through  the  button-hole 
of  the  Senator's  coat  and  said:  "Don't  forget  that  appro 
priation  bill.  Keep  Joel  warm  on  the  subject.  Nudge  up 
every  one  you  can  to  vote  for  it.  You  see  we  have  a  largo 
amount  to  begin  with.  I  tell  you  what  it  is,  Senator  Smith, 
that  thing  is  to  be  the  very  corner-stone  of  reform,  both  in 
politics  and  religion;  and  when  the  people  wake  up  to  a 
realizing  sense  of  their  duty,  we  shall  not  be  so  corrupt  as 
a  nation." 

"  By  the  way,  mother"  (the  Senator  had  of  late  called 
Madame  Junk  mother),  "  I  suppose  you  know  that  I  intend 
to  give  that  five  thousand  dollars  I  offered  for  the  appre 
hension  of  those  thieves?" 

No,  she  did  not;  and  she  was  perfectly  astounded  at  tho 
announcement.  "But  the  boy!  I  thought  the  boy  would 
have  that?" 


538  MADAME    JANE    JUNK    AND    JOE. 

"  I  will  look  out  for  the  boy;  he  shall  have  enough.  Do 
you  know,  mother,  that  this  very  boy  was  the  one  who 
proved  to  me  that  we  should  have  such  a  home?  So  you 
may,  in  reality,  thank  him  for  my  contribution.  So  hunt 
up  your  ground  and  begin  operations.  You  must  have  at 
least  ten  acres.  Mind,  we  are  not  to  have  any  tumble-down 
affair,  but  an  edifice  that  will  stand  for  all  time  to  come." 

"  And  I  shall  name  it  for  you/3 

"No,  mother,  you  won't.  I  object.  Let  it  be  called  a 
Home  of  Reform  for  Vagrant  Boys.  Rest,  mother,  rest. 
Let  younger  people  take  our  places." 

Everything  is  being  arranged  to  Madame  Junk's  satisfac 
tion.  Joel  took  his  seat  in  Congress  and  was  not  long  in 
winning  all  hearts.  Sternna  opened  a  studio  in  "Washing 
ton  for  a  few  months  only,  for  she  designs,  returning  to 
Europe.  She  was  much  courted  and  greatly  admired.  She 
would  be  considered  a  rich  find,  provided  she  could  be  pre 
vailed  upon  to  be  found.  Such  were  the  speculations  of 
more  than  one  enterprising  young  gentleman  of  society. 

Mrs.  Joel  Fletcher  one  day  astonished  society  by  announc 
ing  herself  the  authoress  of  a  book  called  "The  Proper 
Propagation  of  the  American  Race."  Of  course,  it  had  a 
run;  for  Mrs.  Joel  Fletcher  was  the  fashion,  as  young  and 
good-looking  women,  with  plenty  of  money,  always  are. 
There  were  a  few  conservative  prudes  that  thought  the  ideas 
which  the  book  contained  ^rather  advanced,  and  not  quite 
the  right  thing  for  a  lady  of  her  position;  but  the  greater 
portion  of  the  public  said  that  the  world  would  be  the  bet 
ter  for  it. 

Larry  O'Doodle  still  runs  the  Home  for  Reforming  De 
praved  Humanity,  while  Madame  Junk  superintends  the 
Reformatory  Home  for  Vagrant  Boys.  It  is  pronounced  a 
success  by  some  of  the  ablest  minds  in  the  country. 

Speck  will  have  a  college  course;  and  as  the  Senator  has 
a  passion  for  making  lawyers,  we  presume  Speck  will  have 
that  profession,  and  never  forget  that  he  was  once  a  cabin 


A    LIVING    MONUMENT.  539 

passenger  on  a  sea  voyage.  The  Senator  is  a  hale,  hearty 
old  man,  and  spends  some  time  hunting  bad  boys,  to  be 
grown  into  good  men.  God  bless  him  !  '  '  May  he  live  many 
a  long  year,"  is  our  toast  when  we  drink  his  health. 

Our  Hercules  is  following  in  the  footsteps  of  his  illustrious 
predecessors  —  writing  books;  but  with  this  exception,  they 
are  side-splitters,  and  generally  are  burlesques  on  our  Gov 
ernment. 

Madame  Junk  has  lived  to  realize  all  her  highest  hopes, 
both  for  her  son  Joe  and  herself.  Feeling  that  she  should 
not  live  many  years  longer,  she  set  about  writing  her  own 
epitaph.  Being  a  particular  friend  of  that  lady,  it  has  been 
our  privilege  to  peruse  it.  We  trust  she  will  forgive  us  for 
giving  it  to  the  world  before  it  appears  upon  her  tombstone  : 

HERE    RESTS    THE     BODY    OF 


A  WOMAN  WHO   LOVED   TRUTH   FOR  TRUTH'S  SAKE. 
SHE  DIED   BLESSING 

AND 

HOPING  TO  MEET  ALL  EARTH  IN  HEAVEN. 

As  she  has  written  an  epitaph  to  be  placed  upon  her 
tombstone  after  death,  we  will  write  an  inscription  to  be 
placed  upon  a  living  monument  : 

"  Here  stands  Joel  Fletcher,  an  honest  statesman,  a  man 
who  works  with  untiring  zeal  for  the  good  of  all  God's 
creation." 


14  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED 

LOAN  DEPT. 

This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below,  or 

on  the  date  to  which  renewed. 
Renewed  books  are  subject  to  immediate  recall. 


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